OK, here we are, the final round and a half for the final major of the year.
Rain washed out round 3 but even as I write this, round 4 is already underway and it looks to be the most exciting finish to a major this year (thanks to the disappearance of a guy called Tiger). By exciting, I mean in relative terms to the other events since our friend disappeared…in fact, all the other PGA events put together since then had drawn in crowds as large as the crowds watching houseflies mate in summer. That’s about 2 people in total.
Golf has become so boring since then, that anything is considered exciting, and so the Gilagolf Prediction Engine (Which so far has scored a perfect 0 out of 3 predictions this year) has the PGA Championship predicted!
1. Sergio Garcia
Unfortunately, our stupid prediction engine came up with the name of our most hated golfer (we hate him primarily because he is young, cocky and darn good, very much like us, except we are 2 out of 3 on those points, figure out which). Yep, this year is the year of the Matadors. Spain won the Euro Championship in football, a muscular upstart named Nadal dethrone FedEx from number 1 in the tennis world, it’s time Mr Sergio remove the Best Player without Major tag.
But we’re rejecting this prediction. We are going with our gut feeling. Sergio WILL NOT WIN this major.
2. Ben Curtis
Ben Curtis is actually not in the second worst category related to majors (the first being the one named above) — Player with Major but wished he had never won it, since he suck. Players include Shaun Micheel, Ian Baker Finch, Rich Beem, Todd Hamilton, Michael Campbell. Ben actually is a proven winner on tour with 3 wins. I’m sure he felt embarassed about winning the British Open in 2003, since a guy named Tomas Bjorn literally handed him the claret jug. Will he become a proper winner this time? Sorry, no. He has the lead but he’ll lose it.
3. Henrik Stenson
As we mentioned, we like him because he has a lady caddie. What kind of dude would be able to convince a girl to lug his big bag and walk several miles with him for 5 days? Unfortunately, he’s known to blow up both in his temperament and game and we’ve stopped expecting him to do good things for us.
4. Charlie Wi
We just like his name. It sounds so happy. He reminds us of another Wi(e) who is more famous and probably drives longer than him. Still, he’s asian, and the PGA Championship is filled with first time surprise winners. But we predict he will purposely lose this one even if he’s in position to win it, or he will be forever villified as the Korean who took away KJ Choi’s rightful mantle as the first Korean and Asian to win a major. He can’t afford that. He will be forced into a labour camp.
5. Padraig Harrington
Come on, we like Paddy, but one major is enough! Who do you think you are–Tiger?
6. Jeev Milkha Singh
See number 4, and the reason why he won’t win. He’s a great guy though. We saw him in real life and he was very polite to sign autographs.
7. Phil Mickleson
Will Phil finally come through and prove he’s a great player? We somehow think his smile is a bit fake sometimes, but hey, so does Vijay Singh, right? He hasn’t been playing all too great in this competition, so we’re going to pass…he doesn’t have the competitive drive to up his game, somehow.
8. Andreas Romero
He shot 65 in the third round. This guy is a monster. And we like him because he’s like the anthithesis of Sergio. He’s young, darn good and can’t speak English very well, so he’s exactly like us, except we’re 2 out of 3 on those points, go figure. He’s pretty far back but because we’re going to refuse to take GPE’s prediction, we’re going to root for Romero. GO ROMERO!! BEAT SERGIO!!