A Letter To Y.E


Dear Y.E.,

First of all, congratulations for smacking down the world number 1 golfer in the 91st PGA Championship, the fourth Major of the calendar golf year, and being the biggest, greatest Asian golfer of all time.

Apologies at hand for literally looking down on your chances, but seriously, how couldĀ  anyone predict:

1) You making two shots on the final day when everyone else on the leaderboard played like 18 handicapped hookers. As in ball hookers, you know. Golf balls.

2) You getting that eagle chip in on the drivable 14th. Seriously, they set those up for Tiger to put in, not you. You must have missed the unofficial advertisers briefing. But you know what, you don’t speak English, so you probably didn’t get what those white sponsors were saying anyway.

3) You escaping from various positions on the course a’la Tiger. I mean, that punch out from one of the holes on the first 9…that was pretty amazing stuff. Tiger’s supposed to do it you know, according to the advertisers..oh wait, forget it.

4) You being the first Asian to hold a major trophy. Now, we can finally stick it to our bosses who refuses our leaves to play golf, and you’ve proven that tiny little asian dudes who don’t speak a word of English can not only win a Major, but beat the greatest player in the world, and also giving him a headstart of 2 strokes, and finally walloping him 3 strokes. I mean seriously, that means, you scored a massive 5-0 on Tiger Woods. You ARE the greatest player in the world Y.E Yang.

5) You not being able to speak English. I thought it was amazing that the PGA official holding the mic while you were speaking in the award ceremony would be nodding as if he understood what you were saying. I understood Korean, and I know you had your interpreter filter it out for you, because you said, “To all those who think a short, yellow skin, oriental guy cannot stand up to strong, burly, black americans, I stick this to you: Asians rock. We rule the world and the massive army of Asian golfers will now march across your american homeland and conquer every blade of grass in the Augustas and Sawgrasses of your kingdom and rule with our iron wedges. All will submit under the eastern golf empire!” At this point, your cackling made the crew visibly uncomfortable and they had to yank the mic away from you. But hey, we support your, Y.E.

A little note of worry though. We know that KJ Choi is literally worshipped back in Korea, and any Korean golfers who would be persumptuous enough to win a major before KJ gets his might get into an awful lot of trouble. The KJ clan might send some ninjas to get you. If so, our home is always open for you. We did sense a little bit of worry in you when Tiger began playing like a dog.

That’s why you smiled when you three putted the 17th. But that useless Tiger bogeyed it also!!

And then the 18th, when you knew there was a tree in front of you. You wanted to hit it, right? So you would lose the tournament but everyone would say how brave you were to challenge the tree. You hit it flush and God knows how you avoided that tree.

Finally, Tiger over chipped and you know, there was nothing you could do.But to win.

And what a win it was. A win for Korea, a win for Asians, a win for the entire world of Underdogs. This would be how we felt if Tom Watson had the guts to win the British Open. But this is way better, because you’re one of us, and you stuck it to the best that America had to offer.


Gilagolf Editorial Team

Tiger Woods and the Quest for another Major


OK. Its the final round of a major championship and El Tigre has a two stroke lead.

What more are you asking for?

5 Reasons Tiger will be winning the PGA Championship 2009 at Hazeltine.

1) The course – Tiger HATES Hazeltine. Seriously, he e-mailed me before he teed up last week. Because the last time he played here, he allowed an overweight, part-timer to steal his thunder and left him runner up to a major. The overweight part-timer now is ranked 50,000 on the charts just below David Duval (don’t bother checking, already verified). so El Tigre is extremely mad…it’s like having a 1 year old girl beating you in a 100 meter dash, crawling, and distracted by a little rubber ball, and still ahead of you by an hour.

2) The champion- He’s got Padraig, who for a while supplanted Woods as the serial major winner, so Woods has a lot to prove to this Irish bloke. Like pounding him into the ground and shouting, “DO-NOT-THINK-YOU-ARE-ME!!!!!”

3) The group – He’s got the multi talented, world class golfer called Y.E Yang in his final group. That’s right. I don’t know how they screwed up and paired this guy up with Tiger. Shouldn’t they just put Padraig head to head with him? Why put a little asian dude there? I don’t have anything against little asian dudes, since I am one, but seriously, at least pair Tiger up with a guy who can stand up to him, like Padraig, and who can apply a bit of pressure on Tiger. With this Yang guy in the group, Tiger’s going to keep thinking he’s playing alone, since he has to look 45 degree downwards to spot his playing partner. No pressure, big win for sure.

4) The Vengeance – Imagine first team Manchester United losing to the Torquay British Boy Clubs in the FA Cup final. Or the Lakers getting thrashed by the International School of Pygmies in Zukanda. Or Usain Bolt losing to a crawling 1 year old girl, distracted by a rubber ball in a 100 meter dash. The next opponent better be careful, because these champions come back with a vengeance. It’s like personally spitting them in the face, insulting their mother and daring them to give you back their best spit. Tiger got booted and humiliated in the British Open. He’s really pissed. He’s going to get this championship no matter what.

5) The Federer Factor – This is true. Woods is so darn bored with the potentless competition in the PGA Tour, he has resorted to compete with another dude playing in another tour, in another sport. Federer just bagged in major number 15. Guess what major number is our tiger chasing?

So, any bets against him?