Gilanalysis 14: Bukit Kemuning


Gross: 87

Net: 67

Verdict: Second sub 90 round of the year!

What Happened

I was actually feeling better about my swing since practicing a bit after the embarrassment at Templers. And Bukit Kemuning, famous for its runway, huge fairways seems like a course that would allow us to boost a little self esteem. Also, Bukit Kemuning is flat as…a runway…..I refrain from the obvious simile that most men are familiar with, because this is a family friendly golf blog.

Anyways, we all know Bukit Kemuning completely sucks in terms of service, and that hasn’t change one bit. Registering for the round too nearly as long as having a colonscopy done on you, and when you got to the course, they gave us a caddie who halfway had to run off to take a dump; and couldn’t find any balls, and always stuck to the guy on the fairway. Grr. Also, Bukit Kemuning is expensive. Even with a voucher we forked out close to RM90 due to the stupid “forced caddy” policy, and this is for a course that should cost RM50 for the weekday. It’s not a very good course, to be honest. There’s really nothing nice about it, fairways are bare, no elevation, no undulation on the green…you could possibly play yourself into a coma on this course….but they still cut your throat while you’re in coma.

Anyways, I played pretty well; at one point, going +2 over eight holes with 5 pars, 1 birdie. This is mainly due to a LOT OF BAILOUT courtesy of Bukit Kemuning’s fairways. If I were to play in Seri Selangor, I would have OB’ed 3-4 times with hooks and slices. Six greens in regulations also was a record high for me, but my putter was really up and down today. Basically, yet another tale of missed opportunities.

We all think Bukit Kemuning has generous fairways, but I still only managed to hit 4 fairways, which shows our skills deliberately balances itself to its own crappy nature when playing on ‘easier’ courses….and the course is deceivingly long, so it ain’t as easy as you think!

My 87 was good though, but due to the retarded nature of golf wagers; I ended up losing the most moolahs. Go figure. The other three shot 94,95 and 104 respectively and I lost the most – 5 balls to them. We played the 3-1-1 format for sixers, hence the incredible possibility of being the best player and winding up the biggest loser. AIYA.

Why I Sucked

Putter was completely broke in some holes including missing 3 footers at hole 3, 11, 15 and 16. Drivers, while it doesn’t look like it was also a bit out, but not too much, except for the final hole where I drove a great drive, flew over the fairway and into the small little hazard drain. A good thwack with my hybrid allowed me to salvage a bogey, but I was fuming mad at the course that penalises good hits.

Not So Sucked

As bad as I putted, I still managed two significant bombs. First, a 10 footer to save par on the on the 12th, and right after that, a 30 footer across the green for a birdie on the 13th. But except for a semi shank with my nine on the 10th, my irons were working well. Take that, stupid 8-iron that shanked in my eagle attempt in Bangi….I hold grudges a lot on my irons.

What to Work On

To be fair, I was experimenting yet again with my putter, using my blade. Who’s to say with my mallet I might have putter better? But driver is still WIP, and my play around the greens are absolutely clownish. I.e stick me 30 feet in, and it’s like having a tapir on a tightrope 90 feet in the air. Without a safety net. And hunters shooting at it. While eating a banana. That’s how tense I am.

What is WRONG with Golf Focus?

Ok, I was randomly watching this golf program on Star Sports today called “Golf Focus”. Basically, it’s like Football Focus where three dudes sit in the studio and talk about the sport. Football focus is enough to put me to sleep…but occasionally, Shebby Singh tends to make some out of the world nonsensical, Paula Abdul sort of remark that cracks me up, before I eventually snooze off again, until my wife shovels me up to bed at 3 am.

Now, Golf Focus? Heck, the game is already as boring as it is (although there’s now an attempt to shorten it, like Cricket, calling it Powerplay Golf, which is supposed to condense golf tournaments from 4 days to 3 hours. Don’t laugh, it’s supported by Colin Montgomerie, mainly because he keeps choking on the 4th day, so he hates long golf games and is lobbying to make Augusta a 3 hour fiesta. With a Mardi Gras float.)

Anyway, Golf Focus is currently hosted by this guy called Alan Wilkins (obviously airbrushed):

And supported by a guy called Lip Ooi. Yep, that’s his name, and no, it’s not a Hannah Barbara Cartoon character who teams up with Wile E Coyote to hunt down Road Runner. Here’s Lip:

And the ‘golf pro’ is this guy called Richard Harris, and I can’t find a picture of him because his name is so common, it’s the name of a dead actor, a black singer, a criminal, a knight from England, a Puritan in the revolution, a wizard and the brand of a Chinese fertilizer used in the Yong Chow region. I recall the golf focus Richard Harris is bald with a moustache, so I’ll just take the closest resemblance:

Ok, there is a point to this post. For close to an hour, I was between watching this Golf Focus show, picking my nose, clipping my nails, eating a pear and wondering how on blazes did Tiger miss a 2 foot putt for eagle on the 15th at the Augusta. Then, towards the end, the show shifts to the weather forecast (?!?) for some strange reason, mainly because they ran out of things to yammer about, and Lip Ooi was snoring halfway through. The weather forecast was then done by this girl called Kelly Latimer:

Golf Focus, are YOU SERIOUS? No, are you guys at the booth smoking weed, that has blinded all of you to the obvious PROBLEM with Golf Focus, which so far has only accumulated a total of two viewers in the world, that of the 0.1% of my attention, and the attention of my westie Terrier, and that only because he can’t change the channel on my new TV?? You have this girl called Kelly Latimer in your show for a total of 43 seconds, talking about the weather, and for almost an hour, you have those 3 clowns anchoring the show?

From that, my terrier and I conclude that the entire Golf Focus team are on weed, or made out of entirely women staff. Who hates pretty girls. Because they are obviously not pretty.

OK, here we go again, Golf Focus team chooses these group of misfits to handle their show:

Mr Airbrushed-One-Eye-Larger-than-the-Other:

Wile E Coyote’s Chinese Partner to Capture the Road Runner:

Moustachioed Bald Man who has many boring opinions of other golfers:

Instead of using:

Hot Girl:

Seriously. Again. This is almost sad.

Again, our general conclusion is that Golf Focus is either run by weed smoking producers or the HOUSEWIVES-AGAINST-PRETTY-GIRLS-IN-FRONT-OF-CAMERA association.

Hacker Kevin Na – Duodecuple Bogey

Just when you think a PGA trainwreck can’t be as bad as Rory’s, you are wrong.

Kevin Na, a Top 50 player in the world, shoots a 16 on a par 4 for the currently running Valero Texas Open. Read it: That’s a +12, or what we golfers will call it:


We’re not talking about a basic hacker here, this is Kevin Na, who, by the way, is not very well liked fellow: Check out

Anyways, here’s to the mother of all HACKERS Na, whom we can now say we play our par 4s a lot better than him! (and he still manage to shoot 80!). The whole sequence is just painful, just like our weekly golf. Check out the caddy’s face, which says, “You idiot, there goes my paycheck!”

All hail our Hacker Patron Saint: Rory McIlroy

Rory McIlroy

Before this Masters, I was never a huge fan of Rory. Maybe because he’s Europe’s answer to our all time favourite chinaman pai-kia Anthony Kim. Maybe because he’s young, darn rich, and can pound the ball miles and miles. Maybe he doesn’t need to go and work and always seem to have so much fun on the course while we whiter and die in our offices. Or maybe because he has permed hair. I don’t know.

Rory McIlroy

But in the course of 3 holes in the back nine, the Gilagolf prediction engine was eerily and devastatingly accurate, that he would “crack under the enormous pressure and his drives will be as curly as his hair in the back nine. ” I’d like to add this prediction is way better than all the so-called experts at BBC, NBC, Golf Channel because they are all full of crap.

I can’t help but think it was a hex, because that tee off on 10 was horrendous. And Amen corner saw the funeral procession of this gifted young gun: +6 over 3 holes. +6. A 4 putt on 12. 4 putts. Wow. I don’t remember the last time I 4 putted. Actually I do, it was in Perangsang, which, compared to Augusta is like Augusta being eaten by a giant then taken a huge dump, and eating that dump and taking another huge dump again.

Anyways, in some parts, watching his body language, it struck me: He looked so familiar to us. He’s just like our fourball partners, when we duff a shot, or cant get our tee past the ladies, or completely top a pitch or blow a putt past the hole off the green. Those poses are strikingly similar to us HACKERS. Even when Tiger shanks his ball, he blows off steam but he never bends down and cover his whole face like Rory when he duck hook on the 13th into water, or walk with a hunch, with his shirt untucked, his cap pulled down. He never would miss a 1 foot putt on a par 5 then looks around like he wished the course would swallow him whole. He would never shrug at his caddie like he was going to cry as Rory did after three putting on the par 5 15th.

But Rory, he wears his emotions on his sleeve, and from hole 10 – 13 in Augusta, on 10 April 2011, he became a hacker once more.

And from hole 10 -13 in Augusta, Rory turned into Gilagolf’s poster child, and favourite golfer (other than David Duval), because of the fact that, despite earning more than all the hackers in Malaysia’s combined salaries, he is still, at heart, a HACKER. And he relates to us, and we relate to him. We know his pain, and now he knows ours. He has been vilified by the press as a choker; he has now been elevated by us as our patron saint. He is a trillion times better than us; yet, he has descended into hackerdom for 4 holes in the greatest golf tournament of his life; and like us, felt the sting and abysmal cruelty of this volatile lover called Golf. We now have kinship, because as the great writer Victor Hugo says:

“Great perils have this beauty, that they bring to light the fraternity of strangers.”

Here’s our support, and praying that our new found hero will win the Malaysian Open this week.

Welcome to Kuala Lumpur, Saint Rory.

Charl Schulz wins the Augusta Masters 2011

Charl Schwartzel

This Masters had it all.

1) We had a Lucy and Linus’s brother, Bo Van Pelt playing with two eagles yet cannot win.

Their creator, Charl Schulz instead took the honors.

2) We had Rory imploding with +7 in the back nine. So sad, yet, it’s a bit of schadenfreude isn’t it, hackers? BTW, Christina Kim seems to really feel for Rory in her tweets, so maybe we should all feel for him and stop making fun of his curly hair, because we all know most Gilagolf readers have a SERIOUS CRUSH on the big gal. Seriously. You guys voted in our previous Hot or Not poll. Christina Kim came first out of 268 voters, ahead of Michelle Wie and Natalie Gublis. Officially Malaysian Golfers have secret crushes on Big Women because we instinctively relate them with FOOD. Take that, stereotype beauties.

3) We had Tiger missing 3 putts within 3 feet like a 24 handicapper hacker. But Tiger finished 4th, and hilariously, here’s what Ian Poulter tweeted after his round:

“Shame I’m not watching the masters about ti fly home to Orlando, it sounds interesting.”

Or, to interpret: “I’m not watching because I know Tiger is going to piledriver his 7 down my throat and ask me to suck it for saying he is a crap golfer. Oh, I wish I didn’t tweet so much like a girl. And I wish I can play better golf instead of wearing tablecloths for my pants.”

4) We have, for the first time, 3 aussies in the top 4 of the leaderboard (yet, still cannot win). We have Jason Day putting like he’s Tiger on the back nine, yet cannot win. The Ghost of Greg “Sharkfin Soup” Norman rises to haunt the Aussies.

5) We had Adam Scott who decided last minute on the 17th and 18th he would look not so handsome in the green jacket and played like a misfit. We also had Luke Justin Timberlake Donald popping in a chip and going a fist pump like he won it all, when actually he is so far back it makes no difference. Compare him to Tiger’s “I rather go eat because -10 sucks.” Aiyo, relaks lah.

6) And we have a guy whose surname we can’t even remember win the green jacket. I guess Charl Sauerbraten deserves to win.

Once again, GPE’s pick of Tiger, Angel and KJ craps out again. On to the next major then….

Gilanalysis 13: Bangi 1 and 2


Gross: 94

Net: 74

Verdict: It really was better than it looks…

What Happened

After the nightmare at Templer, it’s always a great welcome to play at Bangi 1 + 2 (Kajang and Putrajaya). It’s like coming home, because Bangi is really one of the all time favourite course. Yet, I started playing like a twit with 2 triple bogeys. It wasn’t that bad, a snap hook at the first and I was behind the green in 3. However, a stupid duffed chip, 5 on and a 2 putt started me off. 2nd was a great 9 iron in but caught the lip of the bunker and rolled to a very bad spot. Took two to get out and three putted!

Hit a great drive on 3, leaving 150 to the par 5, and a six iron on the green. And again, my first putt blasted past and my birdie turned away, 3 putt again! Aiyo. 5th and 6th could have been pars, a skulled 60 degree 3rd shot messed the 5th, and my 2nd on the 6th was literally one metre away from the green and rolling near the hole. Instead it hung up on the bunker face. 7th is always a do or die for me. I OBed my driver being extremely aggressive.

My worst hole was the 9th. I hit the best drive ever. Ever. I was 140m downhill on a Par 5 looking at an eagle. Guess what. 8-iron SHANK. As in I shanked the heck out of it and nearly murdered my friend, OB. AUGHH. Fourth to the front, bad chip two putt. My front nine could have been 3-4 shots better, but there you have it.

Back nine was a blitz until messing up my 8-iron AGAIN on the 14th and a pull on the 15th. Sandy par on 16th was my final highlight. The last two holes were all survival mode after pull hooks with my driver. Bogey free back nine. Good eh?

Why I Sucked

Anyone interested in a loose 8-iron? As in, what do I do with my 8? Shanked it at my eagle approach. Duffed it on 14th to mess my 4-par momentum. My 60 degree wasn’t very kind as well, and putting struggled all the way. I never could get used to Bangi greens. I like it but somehow I always get messed up by the speed. Driver began hooking at the end, but no, I liked my driver this round.

Not So Sucked

Driver finally worked. Except for the 1st, 7th and 18th pull hooks, the rest were dead on. Alignments gave me issues on 15th and 18th but overall, especially on the front nine 3 par 5s, smoked it straight and long. Finally, good boy, Mr Driver.

What to Work On

Missed opportunities due to some absolutely ridiculously lousy iron play. More positives than negatives though, as soon as I sell my 8-iron, I think I can probably go pro.

By the way, as I write this, I just watched Tiger miss a 3 foot for eagle. He has literally dropped 3 shots in the back nine. So kan-cheong one la.

Augusta 2011 Gilagolf Prediction Engine (GPE)

Well, after a prolonged break, the now famous, and absolutely undependable Gilagolf Prediction Engine (GPE) for Masters is kicking in again. We are so far Sergio-Garcia-Majors-Win in our prediction, i.e BIG FAT ZERO. I think this year, we’re going to break that. OK, roll call:

Rory McIlroy

Rory McIlroy

This kid is playing without fear. He has no memory of failure, so he’s actually killing Augusta with his drives and his fearless, in your face, I’ll-take-on-anybody-including-your-mother attitude. Will he prevail his four shot lead? Everything says he will, because unlike the mother of all chokers Mr Greg Norman, he has no failure record in Augusta, so he’s playing without actually understanding how important it is. But GPE predicts him to crack under the enormous pressure and his drives will be as curly as his hair in the back nine. Mainly, because we’re jealous of him, being so young and able to play in Augusta while we will be working our butts off tomorrow morning. And also, nobody has won Augusta with a permed hair before.

Jason Day

Jason Day

Really like this kid. He looks a little Asian so obviously that’s a big fact he looks like one of my pai-kia friends in Sultan Abdul Samad school. GPE doesn’t seem inclined to Aussies though, because of the amount of time they have proven that they have choked in Augusta (starting from the guy that gave away SIX strokes in 1996, who from thereon had his nickname changed from the Shark to the Sharkfin Soup), so sorry, Jason “This Ain’t Your” Day.

Charl Schwartzel

Charl Schwartzel

Umm, no. How many times have we said, anybody with an unpronounceable name, or a name that comes up in spelling bee contests will not win. Sorry, Charl Schwimmer.

K.J Choi

K.J. Choi

GPE is tuned immediately to Asians, because it is by far, the most racialist prediction engine ever. EVER. Anytime we see KJ Choi, it beeps up. He’s like a cuddly teddy bear who will tombstone you if you don’t do what he says. Who can resist that face when he hooked his shot on the 14th, as he stared down at his ball as if he we was going to mash it up into smithereens with his weight lifting hands? Ah KJ, we predict you again (as we did in previous years) TO WIN THE AUGUSTA!! Please, get your act together and win it to save us yet another embarrassing prediction.

Angel Cabrera

Angel Cabrera

If KJ somehow manages to disappoint us yet again, our dark horse selection is Mr Angel “Don Corleone” Cabrera. He looks and play like a Cuban druglord. This is the man. He whacks the ball without a care in the world, and if you start talking technical to him, I bet he’s just going to take his 7-iron and grind you into a pulp. I’d like to see him do that to the annoying and completely BS golf fix guy, Michael Breed.

Luuuuke Donald

Luke Donald

We generally don’t think anybody resembling Justin Timberlake looks good in the green jacket. Nope, he’ll sabotage himself because he doesn’t want to lose his legions of female fans by looking like a nerd in a jacket. A real ugly one at that.

Adam Scott

Adam Scott

See above reference to Luke and Jason.

Bo Van Pelt

Bo Van Pelt

Seriously? Bo Van Pelt? He’s the lost brother of Lucy and Linus Van Pelt from Peanuts. Bo Van Pelt? Come on. Same reason as Charl Sauerkraut.

A bunch of guys are seven off the lead and considered as out of the running, including the MEGA DISAPPOINTING Tiger Woods. He was annoyingly bad in Round 3, putting like a pregnant penguin. We still believe in Tiger, and he has an outside chance to get this. Aside from KJ, Angel, we’ll have Tiger moving up the leaderboard but falling short, probably top 5, so he can have that blabber mouth Ian Poulter eating Tiger Crap for years for saying Tiger sucks so much. The rest at -5 are going to be sideshows.

Go KJ, do it for little Asian men who has disproportionately huge muscles!

Why Is Martin Kaymer No. 1?

As Augusta weekend begins, one of the most asked question in the golf community is:

Why does Martin Kaymer sucks so much?

Seriously, we don’t really like to bash up folks when they are already down on the ground, and drinking their sorrows away with 20 pints of Jack Daniels; but Martin, how can you call yourself No.1 in the world, and play like us? Like, really suck?

I can’t help it. Augusta weekend is here, and three of the four major champions are gone. Martin, Louis whateverhisnameis and Graeme McDowell are all gone. And not just missed by a shot, but by 50 miles: Louis is +4, Graeme McDowell is +3, and here’s the world no 1 player: +6!! Yikes. You’ve got a dude called “Lion Kim” (the result of a government experiment to mix Tiger Woods and Anthony Kim into one package) ahead of you, World No 1, how do you explain that?

Sure, we got a lot to look forward to, especially with the ultra cocky Rory McIlroy and the Philipino looking guy Jason Day, but we got two of our all time favourites (unfortunately, not David Duval), Tiger and KJ paired up for the weekend. I bet two pieces of bricks will have more conversation than these two friendly fellas. But how can a world no 1 talk like this:

“I think that I don’t really know how to play the golf course. I can think about it for another hour or two hours and I just don’t really find a solution. Maybe I’ve got to sit down with Bernhard Langer later and ask him. He won here twice.”

Umm, yeah, he won here when Alexander Bell was inventing the telephone. Come on, dude, you’re no.1. Why are you asking advice from a 106 year old dude?

“Every day that I’ve played here has been a tough day so far. It’s disappointing because there are just some golf courses that suit you and some that just don’t. It’s just a shame that, obviously this is such a huge tournament here, and if it doesn’t suit your eye and you know it . . . it’s a little frustrating.”

Umm, why don’t you just say, you suck? Instead of blaming ‘some’ golf course like Augusta not fitting your eye? Whats wrong with your eye? Now, Tiger would shank and do all sorts of stupid shots with his clubs, but his response was:

“I’m close. I’m getting better, I’m almost there. You mean that shank? Jeez, you fool, I did that on purpose, so that I can show off my recovery skill. Stop asking me such stupid questions, you know how terrifically big my muscles are? Say, you’re quite a pretty interviewer..natural blonde? Doing anything later?”

That is the confidence we need to hear from a world No.1. Someone who will just Tiger-pow the interviewer if there’s a slightest hint of exposing his weaknesses.

People said Martin Kaymer can’t hit a draw. I’m like, dude. World No 1 can’t hit a draw? It’s like saying Chinaman contractor don’t like pork. It’s unheard of. How can you NOT BE ABLE TO HIT A DRAW??!?!

Impossible as it may be, here’s the proof on Why Martin Kaymer Sucks:

Notice how after Martin hits the ‘draw’, that golf fix guy started babbling like an idiot, and Martin just looked like he swallowed a durian. With the shell. And immediately after that ‘draw’ Golf Channel immediately whacks out a reminder that this guys is the PGA Champion!! He’s a major champion!! He’s not some kind of hack they found in Rahman Putra! This is to convince the viewers that he intended to hit two shots that resemble the famous banana slice and the duck hook of Hackers. And of course, the golf channel guy was BS-ing all the way, until he had to say, “This BS sounds good to you? OK, let’s get out of here, before they see you play like an idiot again. Thanks for making me lose my job, world no 1!!”

Gilanalysis 12: Templer Park


Gross: 100

Net: 80

Verdict: As the Paula Abdul song goes: 2 steps forward and 2 steps back

What Happened

I really feel like saying, with all my heart, with every ounce of pain and anguish that my good friend Michael Corleone had expressed when he said the same lines: “Just when I think I’m out…they pull me back IN!!!”

Out means, out of the woods. Out of the crappy drives that spins unreasonably to the right into OBlivion. Out of the lousy golf that constantly haunts me whenever, especially when I play on this particular golf course.

They means, heck I don’t know, the golfing gods, the lousy driver, the horrendous caddies in Templer Park, the mystifying reason why I chunk all my wedges or the greens were all the size of Brazil.

After all the pluses from Gunung Raya, my game went south today, but it didn’t start too bad. In fact, I parred my first hole! The second could actually be a par, but I topped badly my first tee shot into OB (yes, a par 3), but my third landed sweetly and I just missed by bogey save by a hair. In fact the next two holes were excellent, except I brain farted on my chips and wedges. I was actually putting unconscious, bombing the 10 footers, one putting 4/5 holes.

I don’t know where it started to slide, but I was feeling pretty good on the front nine, despite my scores looking extremely sorry….most of it were due to aggressive approaches due to the fact we had our RM3 bet going per hole, which is a huge huge capital to outlay.

Back nine was when I killed myself. Or rather the caddy. Hole 10, was a normal shot, into the rough. She looks all around and couldn’t find it. I looked all around and couldn’t find it. Dropped ball, triple on a relatively easy hole. Hole 11, snapped hooked 3 balls into OBlivion, but luckily I found my first ball! Double. The rest: Survival mode. I don’t remember much as I hardly saw the sunlight, playing from tree to tree. I ABSOLUTELY DESTEST the par 5 hole 15. Whoever created it is a sadist. Jungle jungle framing every inch of this hole, that drops down into a blind green. The last hole was fun. I tried to thwack it across the pond, only to have it veer to the right towards the longest carry. It nearly carried, just hit the rocky embankment and trickled back in.

Why I Sucked

I am this close to throwing away my driver with the new shaft recommended by the shady salesman in MST golf. Also, my wedges was absolutely horrid. And also: Caddies. I generally have little patience for them, but Templer Park Caddies is right up there with all the WORST CADDIES IN MALAYSIA: Air Keroh and Impiana following right behind. I know, caddies are not to be blamed for crocked swings, but here goes the warning: I don’t mind them being uneducated, but here were the issues we had with them:

1) Both caddies regularly left us attending ourselves on the green, seeking shelter in the shade while we putted. We had to take up the flag, place it back etc. One of my pals flipped after the 4th hole and really grilled both of them until they were probably crying. I say probably, since we couldn’t see their eyes, as they were wrapped up like Laurence of Arabia.But come on, caddies, do your job, instead of staying out of the sun!

2) Couldn’t find balls. My friend lost a ball just off the rough. I lost my ball on the 10th. Another friend also lost a ball that could have been found. They had such horrendous attitude. I watched my ball sail close – about 5 feet or so – to the caddy from the other buggy in the rough. She just walked away, and as we approached and didn’t see the ball, she just called from the green saying, “Saya Ingat Plug. (I think it’s plugged)”. I told her in less than complementary terms to get her elongated butt down to the rough and tell us where in blazes was it ‘plugged’, and we had to search for it.

3) Terrible distance. NEVER LISTEN TO the caddies in Templer. Never. Not even if they warn you that there is a meteor shower heading your way, or that a hurricane is coming, or Godzilla had risen from the pond in hole 18. Pack of lies. Also, they never read the green. You know why? Because they are always looking to be in the shade, those lazy Laurences of Arabia!

Not So Sucked

Putter was smokin! Also, despite the really crappy caddy service, kudos to the course master, this lady who looks like she’s going to chew you for lunch and spit on your bones. She’s those tall, loud and bossy lady like my school discipline teacher. In fact she looks exactly like Coach Beiste in Glee!


We didn’t book, so we were bumped to the 9:10 am flight (having arrived in templer at 7!). BTW, Templer Park golf works in Cambodian time, one hour behind. So they only have a counter lady there at 8-ish, so no need to go so early next time lor. Anyway, this dragon course master took pity on us and by 8:30 am, sandwiched us between two booked flights, with a stern “You better play fast!” and I was like, it pays to have some pathetic puppy dog face to remind dragon ladies of their sons. Aww. She’s a nice lady at heart, bless her.

What to Work On

Driver. What else? When your ball is spinning 90 degrees to the right, there’s something seriously baboonish about the swing.

Who’s Better: Natalie Portman vs Zooey Deschanel

In one of these bleary eyed Fridays, we were having a round table discussion over lunch on a subject of the utmost importance: If you were to have a free round of 18 holes (not more, please) with a famous actress who would it be? I kinda narrowed it down to two of my favourite, so either of these two, who would it be?



Of course, this is limited to purely playing GOLF. The wiser people would ask: “Why the he*l are we playing golf if we have 4 hours to spend with these two??” or “Why not dinner?” or why not… some other not so PG-13 activities?

Again. None of us will ever have any chance in heaven or heck to ever have 4 hours with these two or any other actresses named over lunch…so this is purely a hypothetical question. It ain’t happening. Face it. I just thought it’d be funny to see who we’d rather golf with if given a chance.

Some of the actresses named over lunch might be hot, but seriously, would you want to spend the next 4 hours hacking a golf course with them? Would they be as crazy as you, or laugh at your ultra stupid golf remarks? Or would their fake nose and botox wear off and after the game, they would resemble Smeagol?? Tough questions indeed.

By the way, finally, these two are finally teaming up for the upcoming comedy-fantasy movie, “Your Highness”. It looks to be absolutely hilarious!! Check it: