Gilagolf has turned Giladad

Gilagolf post is becoming fewer and far between, as golf activity has trickled to almost non-existent of late. On the 17th of June, I welcomed my first born into the world. And so began my string of sleepless night and going into morning meetings looking like I just got hit by a truck. Full of dung.

The first question that comes to mind is: How the heck can something so small cry so much? The second is: How the heck can something so small have so much shit? I mean, we’re talking about godzilla proportions here. He just drinks and drinks and craps and craps.

Anyway, just to let the Gilagolfers know that I’ll still be updating this occasionally, especially during the major tournaments, (how about Tiger choking like a dog?) and Tiger Woods and if I play again.

Otherwise, head over to, it’s a sister blog dedicated to my rookie learnings of being a dad. It’s very much like golf, where I have absolutely no control usually, but when you get it, you get it.

Happy Hackin!

You gotta love Sergio

I am really beginning to like Sergio Garcia.

When he started out, he was this cocky punk that thought the world owed him everything and that he would just go out and get it. He was a punk. And not a very nice punk. I remember wishing that he would mess up his putt to win the British Open at Carnoustie in 2007 – or was it 2008? The one that Padraig won. And he missed it badly and ended up losing out to Padraig.

But you know, over the years he has mellowed and now I am beginning to be his fan, because he is SUCH. A. HACKER.

I recall reading his classic interview after this year’s Augusta:

‘I’m not good enough, I don’t have the thing I need to have,’ said Garcia, in an extraordinary post-round interview with the Spanish press.

When the stunned group asked whether he meant winning the Masters, he replied: ‘Any major. In 13 years I have come to the conclusion that I need to play for second or third place.’

In the complex psychological world of top-class professional golf, did he mean if he stopped thinking about winning, it might actually happen?

Two eyewitnesses didn’t get that impression.

At one point, Garcia implored them: ‘Tell me something I can do. I had my chances and opportunities and I wasted them. I have no more options. I wasted my options.’

Classic. I love this guy now.

It’s like how Bubba just went on rambling after the first round at the Olympic:

Q. Is it a good golf course for the championship?

BUBBA WATSON: Yeah, just not good for me. It’s a lot better than I am. That golf course is too tough for me. But we got another day to try to fit and but there’s you’re always going to have guys that shoot low. Tiger Woods is always going to shoot low. Other guys will play good and Tiger going to play good.

This is a dude that won at Augusta. “Too tough for me”?

Is this what the new generation golfers are? Bunch of pansies that get beaten up by “a course”? WTF? Have you ever heard Tiger say anything like that? He’d rather eat dog shit than to admit the course is better than him. He wrote and told it to me himself when I emailed him a while ago:

Q. Tiger, with your swing resembling Jim Furyk on epilepsy, do you think you can now say, you can’t really play any course on the PGA tour now?

Tiger: I’d rather eat dog shit.

OK, leaving you with our favourite hacker son, El Matador, Sergio Garcia, and his hammer of justice on the microphone (what did the mic do???!)

Taylor Made Experience

Last week, while hacking at Bangi, I managed to do something to the R11 driver that I have never done on any driver before.

I cracked it. They just don’t build the new drivers like the old school ones.

Here’s a way to do it: The TM R11 driver has a bit of defect, where if you toe the drive at a certain area, it WILL crack. This is due to the toe end of the driver being hollow and have no enforcements to hold it up at all. Of course you could say, don’t toe it then. Hey, we’re hackers. Every try to crank up your swing on a par 5 and whack it as hard as possible by overswinging and throwing your entire body into the ball till your hip is almost removed from its socket? Never tried it? Do it, and you will toe it, crack your driver and drive about 80 meters with a duck hook. It’s fun.

A quick google on “R11 Driver crack” and you’ll find hundreds of people having similar issues (crack driver, not removing hip from socket) . Unlike my buddies in US, where they crack a driver they just go and buy another, in Malaysia, because we have already mortgage our home to buy our super expensive and marked up golf equipments, our recourse is either insurance or complain to the manufacturer.

Malaysians being malaysians, we always try the second one.

My experience with Taylor Made was very positive. The guy I wrote to was Leonard Au ( and not only was he very helpful and responded quickly, he facilitated to get a R11S driver for an additional RM400. Seems like there’s hope for Malaysian Service industry! Kudos Leonard!

Will You Gamble on Tiger?

Ok, so we’re approaching the 112th US OPEN at the Olympic Club next week. A few short ones:

1) Tiger is back. Or is he? He’s been like the magic man, disappearing here and there, playing like a 20 handicapper, then from no where wins Arnie and Jack’s. Remember when he won Arnie’s and we said he would be in contention in Augusta. Nope, he played like a twit. It seems this new Tiger can’t really handle success as well as the old Tiger. Unless he wins a few in a row, my gamble is off him. It’d be safer to head over to Party Casino and try my luck there. We might have better odds, because trying to predict Tiger these days is like predicting how many times Lindsay Lohan is going to go to jail.

2) David Duval. Man, I miss him a lot. He just missed the qualifiers to the 2012 US Open. There doesn’t seem to be any way back for the man with the shades anymore, and I can only hope his career slides so much that he has to start playing at our local golf tournaments in KGNS so at least I can chill and take a photo with him. Man, I remember him in his glory days, gracing sports illustrated and looking like Perseus. Go DD!

3) Phil Mickleson is pissed. He texted the PGA commissioner to complain that too many people are using handphones on the course. Am I the only one who sees the irony here? Phil, come on, it’s just handphones. Dudes like Michael Jordan and Kobe has play basketball with this in their face:

As a sportsman, you should be trained to block off distractions, so stop being a crybaby Phil.

4) Young Guns: will we again be seeing musical chairs at world number 1? Rory is kinda crap right now, and Donald might be in a good spot to finally win his major and get his monkey off his back. What about Lee Westwood? Does Fats have it in him to break the duck?

So who will you be gambling on for next week’s US Open?

The Old Familiar Feeling Again

Finally, golf is interesting again.

Instead of waxing lyrical about Tiger’s 73rd win at the age of 36 (Jack Nicklaus, arguably golf’s Greatest Of All Time – GOAT – was 10 years older when he nipped his 73rd win), let’s talk about how Tiger won it.

1) Rory – No, not our McIlroy, who has gone home to Wozniaki and cry together over their failures. Rory as in Sabbatini, the guy that likes to tweak Tiger’s ears and run off. Here’s the fact with Rory: he talks a big game but he doesn’t deliver. He talks. That’s it. He has never beaten Tiger in a true sense of the word…when they are head to head, mano e mano, because he can’t. He’s just not good enough. And Tiger gets super-powered when he knows a punk like Rory is ahead of him, winning one of his favourite tournaments with Jack Nicklaus watching. Watch out, Tiger Time is here.

2) The Young Guns – The young guns refer to a bunch of upstarts who are supposed to be the next Tiger Woods, in much the same way as there is supposed to be a next Michael Jordan. For both cases, it has been a demeaningly non-contest. Rory McIlroy was the next Tiger…but would Tiger fail to make a cut 3 times in a row at his Prime at number 1? Or play like a hack? Next up, Rickie Fowler, brother of Justin Bieber, I think. Staring down at this young gun, Tiger went on to shoot 67 to win the Memorial. His flight mate, Rickie, shot 84, which is worse than one of my Saturday flight mate, who earns approximately 7,800 times less than Rickie. And looks like Rickie’s carpet. And then you have a whole bunch of has-beens like Anthony Kim, Sergio Garcia, Ty Tyron and God knows who else. Tiger needs the motivation. He just needs to play with one of these punks and he gets Super-Powered.

3) Jack and Arnie – Jack’s tournament, Arnie’s tournament. Eversince his father passed on, the Gilagolf theory is that Tiger is always out to impress someone older and that he respected. Hence he always plays his best when the two best players in golf are hosting their tournaments. Plus it looks great on his CV. Can you imagine which introduction is better: Tiger Woods, winner of Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer’s tournament, or winner of Waste Management, Fries Open and Green Beer open? Super Powered.

Bring it on, US OPEN!

So What Happened to Rory?

Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland watches his tee shot on the second tee during the second round of the Memorial Tournament at Muirfield Village Golf Club in Dublin, Ohio June 1, 2012. REUTERS/John Sommers II

So while everyone is speculating why is Tiger failing so spectacularly on the traditional moving days of his tournament, whatever our dear hacker patron, Mr Rory McIlroy? Missing 3 cuts in the row might be ok for David Duval, but for someone considered as World number 2, and up until recently world number 1, it is pretty much a disaster.

So let’s dissect, what happened to Rory McIlroy?

If you look at history, his crapness is directly related to his position as a top rank golfer. He simply can’t get it done as a number 1 golfer.

March 4 2012, McIlroy became world’s number 1. He was there for 2 weeks, approximately, 0.7% of Tiger Woods’ tenure. He played ok for his first and last tournament in his first tenure as number 1, a 3rd place at WGC Cadillac. Then he lost it on March 18. He regained it on April 15, even though he played like crap in Augusta. He lasted just 2 weeks again till April 28. His achievement as world number 1: ZERO. He didn’t do anything.

So he lost his world number one on April 29, but regained it back on May 6. Immediately he played like a punk missing The Players Champs cut. As world number 1, he shot an embarassing 74-79 to miss the BMW cut. He lost it again on May 26th, this time seemingly for good, as he bombed on the Memorial, tied for 87, and missing the third consecutive cut.

Rory’s total weeks as world number 1 = 7. Against Tiger’s 623. That is 1.12%.

Why are we talking about the apparent heir to Tiger then? It’s obvious he plays like crap when there are expectations placed on him! Just like a hacker!

Ah, how we love Rory.