Fried Chicken and Colour Comments


Sergio Oh Sergio.

When he starting bitching earlier about Tiger and wouldn’t stop, it would probably take a train wreck to bring his whining to a halt. And it took that much. He made the Fried Chicken comment. Sometime back, a guy called Fuzzy Zoeller (no, that’s not his pornstar name, it’s a real name, given by his father who obviously thought his son was a joke), made the same remark about Tiger, about serving fried chicken and collard greens.

And we all know what happened. The world of golf descended into a racist pantomime for the next week or so. The Euro tour CEO George O’Grady first defends Sergio by saying, “A lot of Sergio’s pals are colored folks.” Or something of that nature. And boom, he lands into hot soup. Don’t say “colored”. It’s discriminatory.

And now, the biggest idiot of all, a guy by the name of Colin Montgomerie steps in to defend both Sergio and George O’Grady by saying it’s a mountain out of a molehill. And he said, the European tour is a big happy family, he felt for Garcia and claims all this fried chicken talk is nonsense, and now everyone is afraid of saying something that isn’t ‘kosher’ in 2013.

Now, we all know Colin Montgomerie is a racist. This is proven fact. So obviously he wouldn’t find anything wrong with calling Tiger the N word and eating fried chicken and collard beans. Colin Montgomerie is also overweight and diabetic, and impotent, although he cheats regularly on his wife by making out with a Scottish pig.

Do you see how it hurts to say things or write things like that, when it’s not true (or part of it anyway)? It hurts, Mr Montgomerie and it’s not making a mountain out of a molehill. It is because you don’t understand the connotations of fried chicken and slavery in America, so don’t talk about it. ┬áRead this article

Maybe you can understand a bit more on the furore your stupid lad Sergio Garcia caused across America by stating racist remarks. You might as well go to the next PGA tour event wearing a white hood and a burning cross. Seriously, Sergio and George, get educated.

Colin Montgomerie, you never deserved to be in the Hall of Fame. You are a joke, a fat piece of crap who shouldn’t even be playing golf right now because you are such a hopeless loser. I agree with Tony Jacklin. If we allow Colin to be a hall of famer, then you might as well get anyone to be be a hall of famer.

So, before making anymore remarks and showing how bigoted and racist you truly are, Colin Montgomerie, please do the world a favour and just disappear forever from the golfing landscape.

Did Tiger Take an Illegal Drop?

Now, before starting this, there are two things I need to point out:

1) I am a huge Tiger fan. Everyone reading this blog knows it. So, obviously I am extremely biased for him, and for the record, I thought the drop he took at Augusta did not matter a fart whether it was one or two meters back or front, because he would dialed in the same anyway.

2) I suck as a golfer. I play to 19, and usually on Saturday games I take illegal drops all the time, usually because I am too lazy to walk back to the tee for a lost ball shot, or simply because I don’t want to dirty my shiny shoes. That being said, we don’t bet in our Saturday games, so we are very loose with the rules. So suck it, golf nerds who think I am a cheater. The loose-ness becomes tight when there’s a bet on the line, because, then we are a little bit more anal on ball drops, because we’re playing for RM1 or RM2, which is like USD200,000 per hole when converted.

Here’s the problem with the ball drops.

For OB or lost ball, even when we’re betting, we’re generally OK with the rule that you can drop your ball on the fairway and take a 2 shot penalty. But drop it parallel to where you think you lost your ball. Now, there’s no such rule in reality. Reality is that you were supposed to hit a provisional ball anyway and play. But sometimes, we see the ball land but when we search for it, it disappears. So that’s legitimate. Now again, I’ve played with golf nerds who insist to go back to the tee. These are the sorts that constantly walk around their lives with a seven iron stuffed up their ass, or oldish fellas who thinks everyone has all the time in the world to play golf and a 6 hour round is perfectly fine for golf. No, it’s not. Most of us have what we call a Life to go back to, so hurry along please.

Tiger faced what we call a lateral water hazard. Red stakes. Which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. At times, you can definitely drop the ball where the water is taken out of play which was where Woods dropped it.

The argument here was that he likely dropped the ball wrongly because you can only technically dropped where he dropped if he did a giant hook.

Let’s illustrate here:

The red line is where Tiger Woods and his partners said he hit. It’s a big hook that flew across the fairway and veered left into the water, where he eventually dropped it at the red arrow. He hit an amazing shot, a 3 wood with ball above his feet, to the fringe of the green and made double bogey. However, replays from an overhead blimp showed that his ball flight was much straighter and less hook (blue line) and likely crossed the hazard at where the blue arrow was, which meant he had to play it around 100 yards or so further back, which might cause him to triple, and tie the second guy for playoff instead of outright win.

Now, watching the overhead blimp, it does seem like the ball never hooked the way Tiger said it hooked. Which is why it’s contentious. Because the playing partner (I forgot his name) said Tiger was right. Now, Tiger is Tiger. Everyone except Steve Williams will kiss his ass, so I am thinking if Tiger said, the ball turned into an elephant halfway down the fairway and flew into the sun in a yellow horse, this playing partner would have agreed. But this is golf, as long as the playing partner agrees, and the caddies agree the ball flight was the red one, Tiger is OK to drop it. Since no one can see the ball flight better than the guys from the tee-box.

You could probably ask a spectator, but then again, everyone would have a different view at it. From the blimp, it’s hard to see how the heck it would have crossed where the red line is, it was more of the blue line.

So, even if I am a hardcore Tiger fan, it does seem very iffy to drop where he dropped.

Then again, if he had asked me, I would have said yes, it did turn into a pink elephant and flew off into the sun in a yellow horse, Mr Tiger. Yes, Sir!

System 36 Sucks.

I just played my best game ever on the Rahman Putra Championship course and I am no where near the winner in the tournament I was in.

My course handicap is 19, and to be honest, I certainly will be extremely lucky to play at 19. I am more of a 22 – 23, because my golf has descended into a somesort of hellhole for the past few years.

But today, it’s just something that clicked.

OK, I know some of you might snicker, saying, your best freaking score is 90? You’re pathetic, Gilagolf, you should try to play lacrosse instead.

I started the tournament on the 10th and proceeded to mess that one up in front of the whole gallery. I messed up the second one as well, before steadying the ship somewhat to get my first point on the board. After 3 holes.

But then it sorted out. I alternated 3 bogeys and 3 pars over the final six, including a par on the index 2 monster hole, which I’ve never done before in my life.

Making the turn, in front of another gallery, I bunkered my tee, and 3 putted for double. The par 3 tough hole? Took two to get out of the sand. You can imagine how crap I am at sand shots.

But after that, I went on an incredible (for me) run of six straight pars, with a string of missed birdies, some lucky recovery and crazy putting. I never had six pars in a row before, and this includes the index 1 hole. So, I parred Index 1 and Index 2 on KRPM. That’s why I consider this as my best game, with six in a row, and index holes parring. I messed up the rest, though, ending with 9 pars, 3 bogeys, 3 doubles and 3 triples.

If I was a 19 handicapper, I would have scored 37 points. As it is, thanks to system 36, my handicap was lowered to 15 and I scored 33 points!

How does system 36 work?

It’s generally for people not to buaya. But I am not a buaya. I so happened to have a great game in my limited standards.So with 9 pars, I accrued 18 points (9×2 points for par or better), 3 bogeys would make it 3 points (3×1 point for bogey) and 0 points for others (3×0 points for double bogey or worse. So my “point” here is 18+3 = 21. Wait, these are NOT your stableford points. This is to calculate new handicap. Hence, my new handicap is 36 – 21 = 15. Since this is lower than my actual one at 19, the tourney guys used 15 instead.

The last time I played to a 15 was probably when cro-magnon primitives roamed the earth killing mammoths.

So, now with the handicap, we calculate the stableford, which of course, makes me lower, since I no longer have 1 stroke per hole and 2 stroke for the index 1 hole (which I parred, meaning I had a net eagle).

So despite playing like a demon for the six parred holes, I land myself at the second lowest handicap and in the middle of the pack for the tournament.

How do you escape system 36? Birdie…or bogey, don’t par. That way, your blow holes are not penalised so heavily. At least this is what someone told me. But try telling a golfer NOT to hit the putt just to avoid par is like telling a t-rex to be a vegetarian for life.

Why can’t we just trust each other’s handicap and trust there’s no buayas and play to our handicap. If we get a solid game in, reward us!! It’s not like we’re ever gonna do it again!

Tasik Puteri and Other Thoughts for the Week

Those who follow this blog knows that there are a few courses that I absolutely detest. And one of it is the 3rd nine in Tasik Puteri. I had to play it again recently, and again, fared horribly. It just annoys me. Being long is one thing, but having a character as interesting as a piece of brick is another. Strangely, moving into the first nine, my game didn’t improve at all, scoring a pair of 48s, in what is a very bad game for me. The par 3s in Tasik Puteri is just fantastically horrible. And most of the holes are set up to kill the hook…which is my bad shot. I wish I had a slice as a bad shot, but no, almost every single hole, there was trouble on the left. Even one of the par 3s, set up to resemble the famous island green in TPC Sawgrass, the way a rotted banana found in the dumpster resembles fine caviar.

Anyway, speaking of TPC Sawgrass, the big news was that the Big Fijian Vijay Singh is suing the PGA tour for investigating him for using deer antler spray.

I know, it really sounds stupid. And I don’t know which part of it does in the above sentence. Investigating for using deer antler spray? Stupid PGA Tour. Suing a tour that had given you close to 67 million USD in prize money over the years? That’s just cold. His premise was that the PGA Tour didn’t investigate properly whether they banned substance was material to affect his golf game. He said he used it to ease his back, the way we use deep heat or YOKO YOKO, I guess.

So PGA Tour messed up.

Now Vijay Singh is suing them because he felt he was ‘humiliated’.

I don’t know, I just think there are things to just let go and forgive each other for being a di*k. Vijay has always been painted as a bad guy, and this won’t do any favours for his image. Congrats, Vijay. You just put “Deer Antler Spray” into my vocabulary the way the word “Gerrymandering” has entered into my vocabulary this weekend.

Let’s just get some golf games in and watch the Players Championship starting tomorrow, shall we?

Marilah Mengundi….

As a kid, one of those songs that stayed in my head, aside from the Transformers Theme song and that blasted Pizza Hut delivery 755-25-25 song…would be this Marilah Mari, Pergi Mengundi.

No, you won’t see a rant from me against the government or against the opposition. Frankly with all the mudslinging from both sides, and propaganda, and false pictures on facebook etc….I’m just a little tired, want Sunday to come and play golf next week.

I have close friends who are BN supporters, and close friends who are Opposition supporters. But that doesn’t mean we kill each other. I mean, deep inside, all my pals are voting for the same thing: more free days to golf. No, kidding. We’re voting for our nation’s future. Am I glad to see a strong opposition (be it whichever party come 5 May)? Of course, what would the Democrats be without the GOP? What would the elephant be without the donkey? It’s check and balance. It’s like a birdie and bogey. It balances your golf karma, it is the yin to your yang, it’s the chi to the chi-tung, whatever the heck that meant. I love this country and all its flaws, much like how I love playing golf.

Of course, the opposition has gained ground, despite the mainstream newspapers lambasting them. I must admit, those adverts in the Star newspaper were in poor taste. A vote for DAP is a vote for PAS? What the hell are you yamming about? They quote everything about Kelantan from their own sources, the Star. Who the craphole would do that?

Me: “As a wise man said-We are all beings of pre-cognisant entities”

You: “That sounds wise. Who said that, Ghandi?”

Me: “No, me. I am quoting me.”

You: “Loser.”

Which generally Star newspaper is. Losers. I completely hate that piece of trash tabloid now, because they make garbage look like diamonds. It’s worse than garbage. If the entire world’s sewerage filled with 7 Billion human being’s crap, along with possible 20 billion animal crap were to come pouring down, into one single gigantic hole of crap, it would only constitute 0.01% of the stink and feces that Star Newspaper actually represent. I’m not pro or anti government by a long shot, but this piece of Nazi propaganda has to stop. Because it’s childish. It belittles the reader. I rather be sucking on a poisonous Gila Monster’s big toe than to read another word of your paper.

And I feel bad for the Kelantanese. I know a lot of friends from there. I mean how would you like it if this sorry-a$$ newspaper keep picking on your hometown and calling it a HIV filled turdhole? I’d beat up the Star editor, and tee up the ball on his face.

As for the opposition, it doesn’t get better. I see some email that is obviously doctored on Word, stating a million foreign guys were on their way. Aduh. Ini obviously a hoax lah. The emails addresses or the foreign voter threat might be real but once you have an email in a Word Doc, it’s no longer credible.

One FB even sent this one, stating that this is KLIA and all the buses are waiting in line to fetch all the foreign voters.

Eh, this one mana ada KLIA? It looks like a place in California la. Unfortunately, all these pictures just create more hatred and anger, and comments. Citizens and gilagolfers, separate the truth from the turds. Don’t be like the Star Newspaper, the people’s turd paper. If we stoop to their level of imbecility in reporting nonsense and pass it off as truth, we, ourselves are to be admonished. Quote, Gilagolf.

I’m glad the campaign is almost over. I didn’t see any debates like civilized countries have. All I see was mud, racism, anger, foul language, gangsterism from all sides invovled. And yeah, a whole lot of stupid banners and flags. Can someone tell whoever has this idea that this used to work in 1923, but is considered retarded in 2013? I mean, why the hel* would I care about a damn flag placed 2 feet apart from each other, except to make me think: Did these turd monkeys use my MONEY to make these stupid flags??!??

Sign. Come Sunday, I know what I’ll be doing. Walking with my family to the polling station and casting my vote. Whatever the outcome on Sunday night, I will accept it. And play golf again hopefully next week and forget about the craziness that has been the past 2 weeks.