Tiger Woods and the Quest for another Major


OK. Its the final round of a major championship and El Tigre has a two stroke lead.

What more are you asking for?

5 Reasons Tiger will be winning the PGA Championship 2009 at Hazeltine.

1) The course – Tiger HATES Hazeltine. Seriously, he e-mailed me before he teed up last week. Because the last time he played here, he allowed an overweight, part-timer to steal his thunder and left him runner up to a major. The overweight part-timer now is ranked 50,000 on the charts just below David Duval (don’t bother checking, already verified). so El Tigre is extremely mad…it’s like having a 1 year old girl beating you in a 100 meter dash, crawling, and distracted by a little rubber ball, and still ahead of you by an hour.

2) The champion- He’s got Padraig, who for a while supplanted Woods as the serial major winner, so Woods has a lot to prove to this Irish bloke. Like pounding him into the ground and shouting, “DO-NOT-THINK-YOU-ARE-ME!!!!!”

3) The group – He’s got the multi talented, world class golfer called Y.E Yang in his final group. That’s right. I don’t know how they screwed up and paired this guy up with Tiger. Shouldn’t they just put Padraig head to head with him? Why put a little asian dude there? I don’t have anything against little asian dudes, since I am one, but seriously, at least pair Tiger up with a guy who can stand up to him, like Padraig, and who can apply a bit of pressure on Tiger. With this Yang guy in the group, Tiger’s going to keep thinking he’s playing alone, since he has to look 45 degree downwards to spot his playing partner. No pressure, big win for sure.

4) The Vengeance – Imagine first team Manchester United losing to the Torquay British Boy Clubs in the FA Cup final. Or the Lakers getting thrashed by the International School of Pygmies in Zukanda. Or Usain Bolt losing to a crawling 1 year old girl, distracted by a rubber ball in a 100 meter dash. The next opponent better be careful, because these champions come back with a vengeance. It’s like personally spitting them in the face, insulting their mother and daring them to give you back their best spit. Tiger got booted and humiliated in the British Open. He’s really pissed. He’s going to get this championship no matter what.

5) The Federer Factor – This is true. Woods is so darn bored with the potentless competition in the PGA Tour, he has resorted to compete with another dude playing in another tour, in another sport. Federer just bagged in major number 15. Guess what major number is our tiger chasing?

So, any bets against him?

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