I Hope there is another train wreck

After seeing the disaster of the previous major, I am hoping that Rory screws up big time.

I don’t know why I don’t like him. I just don’t. I can’t stand the fact that he hits the ball so darn far, and looks like one of those clowns from the brady bunch. I hope down the stretch the wind picks up and we see a catastrophe!

Caddie-Gate and The World of Ingrates

I just thought, on the eve of the final major of 2011, on the eve of the final event where Tiger needs to get it done or go home for the season: that there are so many more compelling storylines than the one that’s hogging the show right now. Not to say the least about the lousy economy or the bashing the stock market has taken over the weeks; we’ll focus solely on golf.

Golf. That’s right. When has it become the circus that it is?

They call it Caddie-Gate. They call out Tiger for being a lousy employer. They bring to attention Tiger who has not changed, who is still the arrogant prick before and after the hydrant incident in November 2009. So he fired his Caddie. The caddie who has been ‘loyal’ to him all these years, his best friend, his old buddy, his wing man. What kind of sick, mentally challenged idiot would do that? What’s wrong with you, Tiger?

Here’s what’s wrong. Nothing.

Steve Williams showed the world who the real villain was in his post round interview after winning in Firestone with Adam Scott (that is such an ironic story line), saying that the win was the best week he had in life. Are you serious?

What about winning all the majors with Tiger?

What about getting married (well, he divorced but he wouldn’t have known that when he got married, right?)

Or just for sakes, how about saying the charitable foundation he started out for underprivileged kids as the best week of your life?

Steve Williams earned in excess of $10 Million during his time with Tiger. For carrying a bag. And throwing cameras and photographers into the lake. I mean, seriously, $10 Million USD? And he’s pissed off with the guy that helped made him that? He was caddying for Raymond Floyd before this gig with Tiger…he would be making probably US40,000 over the same period of years.

Steve was sacked by Greg Norman too in his prime. Greg went on to win 12 more PGA tour events including the Open championship over 8 years. It was believed Steve got ‘too close’ to Greg. Read: He was probably giving too many opinions to Greg and scolding him for fluffing the chip shot etc, like what the KGNS caddies do to us. I mean, who’d like playing with a clown like that?

I have a feeling that Steve Williams could have been grumbling too much with Tiger, as Tiger recuperated and got well. I mean, so he hasn’t won in 2 years. You’ve got USD10 Million for your troubles and you blast him over the media like he owes you something? Seriously. Steve is a great caddy. But that’s all there is. He ain’t the guy swinging the club. Tiger is.

And Tiger has given him there was, and if there’s a time for change, then take it and move on. I mean, it’s not as if Tiger didn’t pay him or whatever. WHO CARES if it’s an SMS or face to face etc? What sort of planet of emotional metrosexual idiots are we now living in? Why does Steve thinks he’s entitled to some privilege from Tiger? Is it because he got replaced by a caddy who resembles Snow White, without the puffy shoulder pads and laced skirts, and 7 strange old men looking at her sleeping?

In the perfect world, Tiger would have just replied: “Steve, I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the millions that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said “Thank you,” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a 7-iron, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!”

Ah, Colonel Nathan Jessep, everyone’s favourite character.


In conclusion: Tiger took the higher road. He didn’t blast Steve over the media. In fact, he even said he texted Steve after Adam Scott won, and congratulated him. Even if he DID NOT do it, the fact that he said it, it’s like pulling out 4 wisdom teeth at once for Tiger. With a rusted plier. But Tiger did it, because he was grateful for Steve’s service over the years. Unfortunately, Steve, the ingrate, is just interested in pulling down his golden goose. Tiger made the right choice. With a character like Steve Williams, who is so used to winning and only interested in winning: during a time of rehab, Tiger needs a change. Less expectations. Less loud mouthed opinions. He needs to find his zen again before killing everyone in the course like he used to do.

I hope it starts this week.

Enter the Draigon

It’s a nice title isn’t it? It’s like PaDraig, you know, as in Draig-on?

Ok, whatever.

Paddy has officially become our favourite Gilagolf golfer. He succeeded in defeating Sergio twice in the Majors, and this time, it was eerily familiar to the one he won at Carnoustie.

1. He came from the back on both occasions.

2. He defeated our most unpopular golfer, Garcia, on both occasions.

3. Garcia’s lip out on the par 3 17th was exactly the same as his lip out on the 18th in Carnoustie…he pulled it and the ball touched the left lip and curled out.

4. Paddy’s 18th hole was a hack, just like Carnoustie 18th hole last year.

5. Paddy’s 18th hole par save was exactly like Tiger’s 18th hole birdie attempt to send the US Open to playoff, both lying on the rough at the same distance and both having similar putts.

6. Garcia hit his approach on the 16th into the drink, just like Padraig hit his into the Burn in Carnoustie.

Now, Paddy only has to prove that he can win more majors with Tiger in the field.

Oh, here’s a great title if Paddy and Tiger ever gets paired up on the last day of majors:

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Draigon

Good, eh?

The PGA Championship Prediction

OK, here we are, the final round and a half for the final major of the year.

Rain washed out round 3 but even as I write this, round 4 is already underway and it looks to be the most exciting finish to a major this year (thanks to the disappearance of a guy called Tiger). By exciting, I mean in relative terms to the other events since our friend disappeared…in fact, all the other PGA events put together since then had drawn in crowds as large as the crowds watching houseflies mate in summer. That’s about 2 people in total.

Golf has become so boring since then, that anything is considered exciting, and so the Gilagolf Prediction Engine (Which so far has scored a perfect 0 out of 3 predictions this year) has the PGA Championship predicted!

1.  Sergio Garcia

Unfortunately, our stupid prediction engine came up with the name of our most hated golfer (we hate him primarily because he is young, cocky and darn good, very much like us, except we are 2 out of 3 on those points, figure out which). Yep, this year is the year of the Matadors. Spain won the Euro Championship in football, a muscular upstart named Nadal dethrone FedEx from number 1 in the tennis world, it’s time Mr Sergio remove the Best Player without Major tag.

But we’re rejecting this prediction. We are going with our gut feeling. Sergio WILL NOT WIN this major.

2. Ben Curtis

Ben Curtis is actually not in the second worst category related to majors (the first being the one named above) — Player with Major but wished he had never won it, since he suck. Players include Shaun Micheel, Ian Baker Finch, Rich Beem, Todd Hamilton, Michael Campbell. Ben actually is a proven winner on tour with 3 wins. I’m sure he felt embarassed about winning the British Open in 2003, since a guy named Tomas Bjorn literally handed him the claret jug. Will he become a proper winner this time? Sorry, no. He has the lead but he’ll lose it.

3. Henrik Stenson

As we mentioned, we like him because he has a lady caddie. What kind of dude would be able to convince a girl to lug his big bag and walk several miles with him for 5 days? Unfortunately, he’s known to blow up both in his temperament and game and we’ve stopped expecting him to do good things for us.

4. Charlie Wi

We just like his name. It sounds so happy. He reminds us of another Wi(e) who is more famous and probably drives longer than him. Still, he’s asian, and the PGA Championship is filled with first time surprise winners. But we predict he will purposely lose this one even if he’s in position to win it, or he will be forever villified as the Korean who took away KJ Choi’s rightful mantle as the first Korean and Asian to win a major. He can’t afford that. He will be forced into a labour camp.

5. Padraig Harrington

Come on, we like Paddy, but one major is enough! Who do you think you are–Tiger?

6. Jeev Milkha Singh

See number 4, and the reason why he won’t win. He’s a great guy though. We saw him in real life and he was very polite to sign autographs.

7. Phil Mickleson

Will Phil finally come through and prove he’s a great player? We somehow think his smile is a bit fake sometimes, but hey, so does Vijay Singh, right? He hasn’t been playing all too great in this competition, so we’re going to pass…he doesn’t have the competitive drive to up his game, somehow.

8. Andreas Romero

He shot 65 in the third round. This guy is a monster. And we like him because he’s like the anthithesis of Sergio. He’s young, darn good and can’t speak English very well, so he’s exactly like us, except we’re 2 out of 3 on those points, go figure. He’s pretty far back but because we’re going to refuse to take GPE’s prediction, we’re going to root for Romero. GO ROMERO!! BEAT SERGIO!!