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Bukit Jalil Golf & Country Resort

Introduction

Bukit Jalil Golf & Country Resort has a reputation. I’m not sure whether it’s a myth or not, so it might not be entire true, but there were stories abounding on how in a fit of rage (probably after losing a big bet), a golfer bashed another golfer to death on this golf course. I’m not sure whether it adds to its notoriety, but I recall my last experience in Bukit Jalil was not a great one. Then again, as in KGPA, I was just starting out in golf and was a complete hacker in the game, to be fair to the course.

I was invited once again to play there, so armed with our trusty GilaCam, I went.

Travel (3/5)

The club is not too out of the way. You can either come from the LDP from PJ. Pass the Sunway toll and head straight to TPM (Technology Park Malaysia). You will go past Kinrara on the Bukit Jalil highway (which is just a narrow trunk road jammed like a monkey’s artery), and soon reach a traffic light. At the lights, take a left and about 100 m up the road, a right turn into the club. You can also come in from the Sg Besi highway. Make a turn to the Bukit Jalil National Sports Complex and head towards TPM. Turn right at the TPM entrance and you will be on the other side of the trunk road. Look for the traffic light that enables you to turn right. After that right, 100m, you will see a right turn.

bukitjalilmap.jpg

Yet another way is from KL Old Klang Road. Just head towards OUG (overseas union garden). Opposite the mall, there is a right turn traffic lights. Take it and go straight ALL THE WAY. This is a new road and you will eventually end up on the road where you need to take a left into Bukit Jalil golf course.

It gets a 3 because no matter which road you use, you will be jammed like crazy, unless you get the early morning flights….and by the time you’re done, you’re still jammed up. For some reason, that whole area seems to have 3-4 times the amount of people the infra can allow for.

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Price (3/5)

I played a weekday, and it cost me RM70 for walk in, no food included. Now this is by no means steep, it’s quite reasonable, especially if you take into account that it’s a fairly centralized course, where people from KL, PJ can access (which is also bad, as you will see later). Whether RM70 is worth it for this course, well, I’d say it’s not. It should be priced a little lower if it’s based strictly on features. But as location is everything, I’d say it’s quite reasonable.

First thoughts

The first thing I usually do is check the website, not to get information (since we have concluded golf websites are bloody useless in giving REAL information about the course), but to have a good laugh. I don’t know who they get to write these lines:

‘Impressive… This is one word that aptly describes the Bukit Jalil Golf & Country Resort.

There is a general air of calmness at the BJGCR. The warmth is immediate as you step into the lobby area. The gentle breeze that blows from the green field caresses your skin as you sip your morning coffee at the “open-air” golfer’s lounge.

The 18-hole golf course, designed by renowned Australian designer Mr.Max Wexler, offers golfers a real challenge at hole No.18. Golfers call it a ‘real test of one’s swing’.’

I really would like to point out the part where it says it caresses my skin as I sip my morning coffee at the “open air” golfer’s lounge. Usually anything in quotes means the writer is attempting a joke, or being sarcastic, or just being ignorant about the use of quotes. First of all, the lounge is not open air. It just overlooks the golf course. This is consistent with 99.99% of golf clubs in the world.

Second of all, I wish they would not use the word caress without referring to a beautiful woman doing the caressing. It’s just wrong to have another thing caress you.

Third, the Milo I ‘sipped’ cost me RM4.90. For a glass. I could purchase a small tin of Milo, go back into the kitchen and make milo for 20-30 people, and still bring home some for my dog.

Fourth, it took aeons for my Milo to appear. I mean how long does it take to make a cup of milo? 20 minutes? Come on! Are we grinding cocoa at the back or what?

And I dare, double dare anyone who actually uses the phrase ‘real test of one’s swing’ in conversation. Can you imagine two contractors lining up for the 18th going:

Contractor 1: Well, here we are at the 18th.

Contractor 2: Jolly good old boy. It certainly is a real test of one’s swing! I can’t wait to sip some coffee and have the wind caress my skin again.

Nobody talks like that. A more realistic conversation would be:

Contractor 1: Aiyaaaa, %^&##&, @#$&%*($ 17th hole should have par! Now we’re at this &#*$&$^ 18th.

Contractor 2: #&$^!!!! #^$&#^$ #*#(@*#& @#(*$! #*$&#*. @#$*#& #*$#&$ !@$%*%! Correct or not??

Contractor 1: #$#^&$# #&$##&^ )_)#@$@#*($&@#*(@# *@(#&$@##@$!!!!

I know these are all marketing speak and they need to write like this. But ‘caress your skin’? Come on, stop it!

Service (0/5)

This club’s service is pathetic. First, the aforementioned milo with it’s pricing of mythical proportions. For lunch, we had the same experience. It took so long for my noodle to appear, I went to shower and dress up. When I came out, a good 40 minutes after ordering, they only just arrived with my food. Now, I know Tropicana was as bad, but that was serving a full house. Here, we only had one more table aside from us patronizing this place. And they only had two people at that table. In fact, they weren’t even eating, just drinking!!

The price here is absolutely cut throat. NEVER order any drinks, order only plain water (which they take from the tap no doubt). Any glass will cost you RM5 upwards. Because I wasn’t eating meat for the meantime, I ordered my noodles with only vege. I asked them to add vegetables (to replace the meat). Instead, I got nothing. Just 3 strands of vegetables and noodles and they still charged me RM9 for the small plate.

Again, if you think this has nothing to do with golf, welcome to Malaysia. Food is the primary base for everything, so if the food experience is crap, the golfing experience is crap. I’m sorry, we cannot divorce them from each other.

In fact they suck so bad that when we asked for the bill, nobody would come with it, until we shouted a few times. Are they deaf or just money phobic?

To top it all, if you want a locker, you need to put a deposit. Normal right? Yeah, usually RM10 or RM20 would be enough. Here in Bukit Jalil, you need to cough up RM50 for the deposit.

And the towel stinks! Come on! For RM50, I expect a glass of wine and an attendant to hand me my towel. Well, maybe not the second part, but RM50? Pfft.

Fairways (1/5)

Ouch. The fairway gets hit bad because there is just no letting up on the course. There are only 18 holes, and the amount of traffic here even on a weekday is crazy. Most of the people walk in the morning, and although buggy is on track, some idiot golfer has gone in and messed up the fairway as well. This is probably the same murderous golfer who whacked his playing partner to death.

Aside from that, it didn’t hold up well after yesterday’s downpour. Plug balls, dirt, casual water, the works. Also, although Bermuda, I just don’t feel comfortable hitting from it. They have tufts of grass and you can see the bare dirt beneath. It’s like playing on a balding guy with a comb over. You know, those guys who are thinning at the top, so they grow their sides so they can mop up the side to the top. It’s weird. If I were to bald (which most likely I will, thanks to my genes), I’ll just shave bald. I rather look like a Buddhist monk than have that combover. If it’s gone, it’s gone. Life’s tough. Hopefully, I’ll be married by then and no longer need to impress anyone anymore. Same thing here for the golf course. You know there aint much there, so they try to spread the grass. You fat your shot and you’ll be splashing dirt all over.

Greens (3/5)

I can’t really make of the greens. From the outside, it really looks like crap. Sandy, bald patches all around. But every shot I hit with a reasonable trajectory, it held it like a beaver biting a tree. The Par 5 11th where I was lying 140 meters and I hit my 8 iron, it landed, hop once and bit, 4 feet away for a par. Likewise, the par 3 14th where I hit a 9 iron to 3 feet (and missed the darn birdie), and the par 5 17th where my 6 iron held the green, and I proceeded to 3 putt for bogey. If not for my retarded putting, I would have just be 2 over for the second 9.

I’m giving the greens a good score here. It’s not the best, although the ball bit it with a vengeance, those patches really make a darn mess out of my already messed up putting.

Rough (1/5)

Now I know what this course reminds me of. The horrific Berjaya Hills course. A quick check revealed the problem. This was yet another Berjaya project, i.e a junk. Berjaya in Malay translates to Succeed in English. It doesn’t really say succeeding in what though, so I guess it succeeds in making golf courses that suck. Bravo!

Lalang all around. We’ve established long ago that lalang is bad. It’s too long to actually play your ball if you do find it, and you are probably hitting a King Cobra’s egg anyway and likely to be stung to death after that by that king cobra. The rough is just reminiscent of our adventure in Berjaya Hills. Hit the ball in there and it disappears into oblivion. What I detest are bunkers that are full of rocks, since it scratches my clubs. Nobody scratches my clubs but me! When I tomahawk it, yes, then it deserves to be tomahawked for producing a crap shot. But scratched for getting me out of the bunker?? My poor clubs!

Bad, bad rough.

Aesthetics (2/5)

Here’s the deal. After a while, probably as we were in the middle of the second nine, I was wondering if we were going around in circles, and some monkey is just replacing the hole signs with a different number. Because ALL the holes play, feel and look the same! It’s tee off, on the left OB, right is hazard. Oh, carry a hazard as well. Ok, another one. OB left, right hazard. Another carry. The fairways are ample enough to go with the driver without constipating it ( a term that gives the 4 courses-Nilai Springs, Nameless Course in Seremban 3, Monterez and Seri Selangor-the name, “Constipated Courses of Malaysia”).

Even the signature hole, the 18th with a 185m carry of the water is played ho-hum. In fact, I drove it so far, I almost OBed myself past the fairway, past the buggy track, almost past the OB line at the rough. It could be tough nut for a person without a carry of 190-200m, in that case, just lay it up short.

Some courses have tall pine trees or refreshing, grand, leafy trees surrounding the green, the holes, the tee off. Like in Melaka, where it is really cooling and ‘green’. Bukit Jalil have similar features. Just replace those pine or leafy trees with condominiums. It’s like condominiums being developed or already developed staring down at us in every hole! It gives the course a claustrophobic feeling, and golf courses without the ‘open’ness isn’t really a golf course at all.

Bukit Jalil is definitely not a pretty course at all.

Fun Factor (2/5)

Not many of us had fun. I started the day double bogeying my first three holes before getting a grip of myself on the back 9 and flush in some good shots here and there. I played reasonably well after a week plus lay off, but everyone felt a little lethargic. I guess it’s the fact that each hole plays almost the same, looks the same and soon, even smell the same.

The 18th is still a nice hole to end with, I admit, but it’s not something we haven’t seen before. The snaky Par 5 Hole 9 is probably a better hole to end with, since it’s really narrow, and really snaky. I know this isn’t a great description, but hey, we’re hackers. If you like description, get the guy who writes about being caressed by the wind.

But aside from that, all the Par 3s were neither here nor there and no, I can’t say it was extremely fun at all.

Conclusion

Bukit Jalil is a course you will probably play and forget about it completely afterwards. Each hole has similar characteristics, and I don’t know if it’s just Berjaya’s way of doing things, they really really really suck at maintaining a course. Avoid this course if possible, but because of it’s close proximity to PJ and KL, you will likely find yourself on it sooner or later. Whatever you do, avoid the F&B area, and go somewhere else for your nutrition.

The good: Traveling is easy and fast, if you avoid the massive jams; these greens look like crap but really plays well; a couple of nice holes like the 9th and 18th.

The bad: Possibly the worst service F&B in Malaysia; fairways are like crap; rough and bunkers are no better; every hole is like the same, it’s like we’re all caught in a loop; aesthetics is just lacking, with so many condominiums and high raise spoiling the skyline.

The skinny: 15 of 40 divots (37.5%). It’s a no go for Bukit Jalil. As a golf course, it lacks character and maintenance, except for the greens. Don’t expect to be sipping your coffee (the lousy service will prevent that) or get caressed by the wind (the condominiums will prevent that). Get golf, coffee and caressing elsewhere!

Bukit Jalil Score Card

bukitjalil.jpg

Bukit Jalil Information

Address:

Jalan 3/155B
Bukit Jalil 57000 ,Kuala Lumpur

Contact: +603-89941600

Fax: +603-89941542

Website: http://www.berjayaclubs.com/jalil/index.cfm

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Kelab Golf Perkhidmatan Awam (KGPA)

Introduction

Kelab Golf Perkhidmatan Awam (KGPA) stands for Public Service Golf Club in Malay. Which doesn’t sound impressive in any language. It also has the distinction of being voted ‘The Most Difficult Course in Malaysia for 3 consecutive years’. I don’t really know how does this attract golfers to it as an advertisement, but I suppose due to the egoistical nature of golfers, we’d like to declare, “Yes, I played in the most difficult course in Malaysia for 3 consecutive years.” It’s like saying, yes, I was in the largest aeroplane disaster in recent history, and hope the girls go fawning over you like some long lost hero. Unfortunately (or fortunately), most fantasies of golfers never come true. However, my last experience with KGPA was as a young golfer, bright eyed, just new to the game, complete innocent of golf’s treacherous nature.

I recall being completely demoralized and destroyed by this course, to a point that I never wanted to pick up a club ever again. The ball kept getting plugged and lost, and I kept hitting my balls out of bounds. It was the most humiliating experience of my life (aside from the time I smacked a girl on her head thinking she was my friend only to find her a complete stranger, and completely pissed with my antics). KGPA took away my innocence, and from that day onwards, golf and me became adversaries, and the game became a war that was won and lost by both sides. I went away knowing that the game was merciless. I went away, learning the golf held no prisoners and gave no quarters.

Well, I’m back.

Travel (5/5)

Say what you like about this category, but any golf courses located in PJ gets an automatic 5. KGPA should get a 10 but it’s not possible to give anything more than 5 (although very possible to get a negative, as some courses have found out!). I routinely head over to KGPA to the driving range since my place is only 5 minutes drive, and I used to work opposite the course and would steal away during lunch to bash balls.

Head to the Damansara Highway on the way to KL/Bangsar. Before seeing Siemens/East Inn building on the right (if you are coming from PJ), stay left, do not go over the flyover. At the traffic light, simply turn left into the club.

If you are coming from KL/Bangsar, it’s a little trickier. After passing Bangsar, you need to stay left and go down the turnoff to Mount Kiara/Sri Hartamas. Do not take the flyover! At the lights, do not turn right to Mount Kiara, simply go straight and you will eventually see Siemens in front of you. At the lights, turn right under the bridge and you will see the road leading up to KGPA.

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Price (2/5)

We played on a Saturday afternoon, and even with AGN, it cost us RM120, since it forces us to take a caddy. For non AGN, it’s only about RM125 due to a promotion, but in anycase, it’s still pretty steep for a cow grass course that so far, didn’t sound very impressive. Granted, it was a weekend and probably a peak period so we’re willing to overlook it and give it an ok rating, due to its promotion for walk in golfers. Of course, we saved up on the fuel to get here. But having a caddy forced on us is never a good thing.

First thoughts

I will say this and get it over with: I was impressed with the course. The first hole of the Hill Course was a magnificent elevated view staring down into the generous fairway (which I promptly missed), before going up again to a small green. I don’t recall playing this hole years ago, which goes to show our adage is true: On a course with 3 nines, avoid the 3rd nine (in this case, the Forest Nine). Play Hill and Lake nine, and you won’t regret it. Especially Hill, it offers significant elevation changes that allows you to see the vastness of the course. The Forest nine is mainly for walkers, and I remember playing there and sucking really bad. So, the other adage, “Avoid playing where you really suck bad” comes into play. Follow these rules and life will be beautiful.

Service (2/5)

The forced caddy did a good job. She couldn’t find my first ball (which I found myself) but she was initiated to help out the weaker players in our flight. She ran around, cleaning our clubs and marking our balls. What I liked about her was that she actually, at the end of everything, placed my clubs exactly the way I started: 4 woods in the first compartment; 5,6,7 in another compartment, 8,9,P in another; Sand and Approach in another; and my 48 and 60 degree together. My putter takes one whole compartment. I know, I have two Pitching Wedges in there, but I use my Cleveland CG10 48 only for chipping and nothing else. And yes, I know I have 15 clubs in there and the limit is 14 for golf. Tell me, do you take proper drops? Do you penalize yourself properly? Did you ever remove the tuft of grass behind your ball? Hey, we’re hackers, so these rules only apply when we’re in an anal mode. For today, we could take 25 clubs into the bag for all I care!

The only downside to KGPA is not really related to the golf game we had. Having visited the range for so long, I’ve come to observe the service given in the driving range is completely crap. The guy selling the ball looks as if he will gut you with a rusted blade for asking him to bring the balls. They scold you for playing with an untuck shirt, as if it would distract them when they see our belly buttons as we make a full swing. And the club pro-who calls himself Master Instructor-is just a guy who sits around and chats with his other friends, while yelling across the range to his students, “OK, you’re doing well!” when they have just swung their club farther than the ball. Come on. Show a little dedication and at least make a show of taking pictures and analyzing the swing, even if your camera is a plastic container for food and your computer software is actually a static wallpaper. At least.

Finally, one of my flight mates quit this club some time ago and when he requested for the form to quit, the secretary told him he needs to write a letter himself. It’s very much Malaysian Government style, where they slow things so much, it would be the second coming before anything actually gets done. Ladened with bureaucracy and red tape, you probably need to fill up a form and a questionnaire before you can flush the toilet.

Fairways (3/5)

Finally, on to some golf. From my last experience, I was expecting the fairways to be less than average condition but to my surprise, even from the first tee shot, the whole courses’ demeanor seems to have been altered. I think the management really spent on maintenance, having conditioned the fairways so well, we never experienced a plug ball, except once, near the green on the 17th Par 5. Granted, we were playing under the hot sun, but the course wasn’t overly dry as well. I’ve seen courses like Nilai Springs and Seri Selangor completely flunking the ‘too dry fairway’ test, where underneath the grass was just dirt. Not sand, but hard dirt. Here in KGPA, a nice divot can be taken without any worries of skulling the ball if you hit it fat. Your ball will just trickle 20 meters way but at least it’s not a skull!

Another thing about the fairways here is that even though some holes are long, because of the undulation and elevation, the ball can really roll if it hits a slope. I experienced it on the 3rd hole where a tee shot that cut the dogleg found me 20 meters away from the flag, a 300 meters monster drive. I proceeded to bogey it after some stupid play. On the 10th, again, I blasted the ball to about 40-50 meters on a 350 meters par 4. This time I parred it. It wasn’t because I was an extremely long player but it caught the slope and it rolled and rolled.

Greens (3/5)

The greens were also well conditioned; not superb like Impian but you need to understand where this course was before (i.e crappy) to what it is now (playable and rather nice) to fully appreciate the improvements done by the management. Bravo, KGPA!

If you can get your ball to hold the greens (which are a mixture of large and small, rolling and flat), you have a chance to make your birds and pars.

Rough (4/5)

I landed in the sand a few times and for a club seeing so much traffic, the sand is in great, great conditions. It’s the type that when you explode out of the bunker, your entire view is covered with fluffy white sand, and you can turn your head away in disgust as if something entered your eye. Tiger Woods moment! Yeah!

What makes the course so tough that it should be named the toughest in Malaysia, would be the rough. Hill has more jungle OB (which is bad) and Lake has more, well lakes. Which isn’t so bad unless you land in one. I witnessed an amazing feat in the second hole where one of my playing partners hit a tree in almost every shot he made, i.e he ended with a 10. I found myself in deep rough and couldn’t hack myself out of it as well.

Aesthetics (3/5)

Halfway through the round I turned to my playing partner and said, “Do you regret giving up the membership?”

“A little.” He responded and noted that he has not played here in like years, since he has a Tropicana membership.

KGPA, despite its completely unmarketable name , succeeds in enticing us, not so much with beauty but with features. There’s a difference. There’s the kind of girl you meet at the bar and she really looks hot. All the guys want to buy her a drink, she looks fabulous in a red dress, and even though you suspect her eyelashes are fake, you don’t really care, since the lights are dim and you are on booze anyway. You give her your number and you tell her, let’s meet up for breakfast the next day. When the next day comes, you find out, yes, she’s still pretty, but all she can talk about is herself, her eyelashes and whether red looks better than blue, as finger polish. At the end of the one hour conversation, you feel like strangling her with your belt and throwing her off the cliff. That’s Selesa, Frasers and Berjaya Hills. KGPA is like the girl who quietly and diligently does her job; respects her parents, get on fabulously with your mom, and takes care of you when you are sick. Sure, she might not be hot, but she can really cook darn well and she’s as stable as rock.

KGPA offers a lot of features. From the rolling fairways to the elevated greens and tees, each hole is like an adventure, am exciting proposition. The Par 3s especially are superb. The Hill nine boast of 3 par 5s and 3 par 3s, the 7th and 8th being 174 and 194 meters respectively. The 8th is certainly the signature hole, and many rounds have been torn to shreds by this monster. Make the turn and you see another set of par 3s, a 176 meter carry over water and a 150 meter over a deep gorge, absolutely wonderful to play.

This course, while lacking in aesthetics, makes up for it in character. Unfortunately we don’t have a section for character, so we’ll make it up by giving it a higher…FUN FACTOR!!

Fun Factor (3/5)

A few of our hackers were struggling with the course. Lost balls, OB rough took their toll on them and playing the Hill Nine was just a harrowing experience for a lot of us. It’s simply because if you miss the ball right, for instance, you need to trek up this mountain to get to your ball. We’re not exactly the specimen of athleticism in our hey days, and right now, we’re likely a good competitor for the Madagascar Molass (again, we have no idea what’s a molass, but they sound really slow). In fact, one from my group ended up just puffing cigarettes one after another and refuse to speak to anyone, smoke coming out his ears and mouth. When we made the turn, our game also made the turn, (at least mine did), and on the easier Lake Nine, I scored 5 over 41. This included a missed 3 footer for bogey on the par 5 12th, after a great flop from 30 meters on the other tee box. My game came back in time and I managed to play to my handicap with an 88. It was a great feeling, especially for me, to come back after my first experience and win the battle with the course.

If I sound like I am marketing myself, that’s because I am. I don’t usually have good games so when I do, I’d like to blow my own trumpet a bit since I know it’s not going to last long…at least to the next game, when I would probably blow up with a 100 and chew on my putter grip again. Ah, how success so quickly leads to failure. Why do we even try??!

While the others might not have had so much success with the course, we’re willing to give it a 3, as it does have quite a fair bit of character.

Conclusion

KGPA has definitely moved up the ranks in our estimation. We came in here expecting a B-Grade course and we just chose it for the convenience. Fortunately, it was a lot better than what we expected and when I tapped in for Par on the last hole, we all looked at each other and nodded as if to indicate that we will be seeing this course again. While touted as the toughest course in Malaysia, I frankly found that it’s definitely negotiable by the longer hitter. In fact, I prefer this than constipated courses like Nilai Springs, Monterez and the stupid nameless Course in Seremban 3. KGPA is a pleasant surprise!

The good: Great location; course is full of character; well maintained greens and fairways; challenging rough; aesthetics, while lacking is made up with good features and design of holes.

The bad: Expensive, and probably not worth that much; service of caddy, while good, is offset by the facilities and not so masterful instructor; could be a tad bit difficult for the hacker.

The skinny: 25 of 40 divots (62.5%). KGPA is a go; but we caught it in great weather, so all things might change if the ground turns soggy. Don’t come running to Gilagolf with pitchforks if KGPA destroys your manhood as it once did mine!!

KGPA Score Card

kgpa_score1.jpg

KGPA Information

Address:

Bukit Kiara, Off Jalan Damansara
Peti Surat 1139, Jalan Pantai Baru,
59200 Kuala Lumpur.

Contact: +603-79573344

Fax: +603-79577821

Website: http://www.kgpagolf.com/

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Staffield Country Resort

Introduction

Update: 5-August 2011: As most of my readers know, I don’t generally revisit a golf course ratings and re-review the course, unless the following occurs:

1) Something so drastic happened that changed my mind on whether it’s better or worse

2) The course I gave a good rating to now resembles the rear end of a llama

Actually they are the one and the same. And Staffield, always noted for its nice course and challenging layout with tough greens and undulating fairways, now has the distinction of being re-reviewed: because of customer service that is so bad, it makes cat shit smell like roses. I have NEVER experienced such atrocity in what Staffield term as ‘customer service’ unless they are the Yakuza prying away your finger nails one by one.

Read on, in the ‘service’ category.

End Note

Staffield Country Resort has always been on our mind since the last time we played there a few years ago. What I remembered was this: it was a pretty course, and I played pretty well there, scoring an 89. Plus, it has always been voted as one of the top courses in Malaysia in terms of it’s design, maintenance and playability. Although we seriously doubt it would achieve the DAGTH status that courses like Datai, Palm Garden and Tropicana failed to achieve, we think it would give a good run, so away we went, merrily to Staffield.

Travel (1/5)

It’s one of those places where it’s like the mythical El Dorado. It’s always over the next mountain. Always over the next hill. I don’t recall much of my journey there the previous time, except that it wasn’t so simple. We came from Seremban toll, I think and spent some years circling around the area looking for El Dorado. So, this time, we made sure we researched and concluded that the easiest way was to come from the Nilai turn off. I.e Get onto the north south highway and head over the Seremban. As you pass the Nilai Memorial park, make sure you fill up with your nasi lemak and go further to the Nilai turnoff. From there, it looks pretty straight forward, doesn’t it?

staffieldmap.gif

Wrong.

Apparently, the person who created this map is either blind or an idiot. We forgive the former, but for the latter, we wish him a thousand golf balls heading straight at him like how the elves unleashed the arrows at the Orcs at the Siege of Helm’s Deep. Because here’s the actual map:

staffieldmap2.gif

No I am not exaggerating. Two things that Malaysia do very well is map making and signs placing. In fact, when Staffield started, management gave the sign placers a total of six signs for directions to Staffield. You will see one sign at the Nilai toll. And for the next dozen miles or so, it’s empty wasteland, devoid of any information of Staffield. Here’s the actual direction:

After toll, take a left. Go along the road then take a right and another right at the lights. Look out for these rare signs, it’s like a bonus if you see it. Take another left and there you will be on a long road where you are left wondering if you are on the right one. Refrain from asking anyone for directions, because soon you will come across another sigh and you need to turn right. Then long road. And then left near the flyover. At this point you are so utterly confused at how WRONG the maps given by Berjaya (yes, this is the same management as that crap course Berjaya Hills), you are willing to run down the next cow you see crossing the road.

Another way is to take the Kajang Silk and hit the Sungai Ramal Toll, then pass the Bukit Kajang Toll. You are heading to Semenyih. Take the exit 1804 (or 1805), whatever, the Semenyih exit. You’ll hit a town that’s a throwback of prehistoric ages where dinosaurs co existed with men and we had velociraptors as pets. Keep going straight all the way and you should soon come upon Staffield on your right. It seems a lot easier but when there is a jam, (which is almost always, unless you are going through there at 5 am in the morning), that whole stretch becomes the major cause of automobile suicide.

Either way, we’re going to rate it a 1, since Berjaya map makers are obviously underpaid chimpanzees working frantically on typewriters.

Price (4/5)

I like the price. At RM45 under AGN card membership, we get to play at a very good course that is usually voted as one of the country’s top courses. We were lucky too because when we came, there was some kind of tournament and a caddy shortage caused us to tee up without the ‘compulsory’ caddie. Which saved us a fair bit of cash. Normal pricing for non AGN is RM72++ on weekdays, and RM170 peak price for Saturday/Sunday morning, RM150 for Saturday afternoon and RM120 for Sunday afternoon.

First thoughts

Staffield has 3 nines, which makes it difficult to choose from. Frankly I’ve only ever played on the North and South course. South because of Par 3 eight hole, which requires a 160 carry across a lake that has eaten up a million balls over the years. North because it’s the longest and we always want to test our manhood by measuring who has the longest….drive. Yes. Of course.

I really can’t recall how I fared the last time I played, but I was getting a lot better at my first tee jitters and I blasted my first shot down left of the fairway of hole 10th on the South. It has an elevated tee but it’s a stupid design because on the left is the driving range. So if you draw it too much left, you not only have to avoid some king cobras in the rough, but you need to avoid the driving range balls as well as they rain around you. Another reason why we are so annoyed when we see websites like golf-asiapac.com saying:

“The signature hole at the Southern Nine is a majestic par 5, hole no.10, measuring 485 metres with a double dog leg.”

Majestic my foot. It’s like hailstones coming down on us as we search our balls on the left.

This is the same site that dares to say this on ‘How to get there’:

“From the North-South Expressway get off at Nilai Interchange (exitg 214) and follow the sign indicating Staffield Country Resort.”

Do you have any idea how stupid this direction is?

Come on, play the course before writing any reviews. Gilagolf reviews are the best!!

Service (0/5)

Update: The below review is deprecated. As of now, Staffield has officially the worst head of golf operations in the known world. It’s this fat guy, I don’t even remember his name. Basically there was a misunderstanding with a group of Koreans I arranged golf with. Due to a miscommunication and the high possibility that the entire group was drunk the night before and the morning of the game, the group went ahead first to Staffield while we waited for them at the resort. We finally managed to meet at Staffield itself but unfortunately, my Korean friends had registered separately: 6 of them, 2 flights, 4 buggies. As you can imagine, they were charged a penalty for the buggy with one person on each flight. Me and my friend also registered before we bumped into the Korean group in the changing room, so we technically had one buggy, making it 5 buggies.

Now, it’s not so complicated if you know golf well. We tried to get the Staffield folks to cancel the extra buggy so we could use ours, but the guy at the counter said it was already in the system. Now, this is NOT the argument. We’re all reasonable people. So, after a little discussion to which my friends said, “I just want to play golf”, we decided to cancel our plan to play in Impian in the afternoon and have another round in Staffield, with the condition that either our buggy or caddy in the afternoon session is waived (due to the extra buggy we paid in the morning).

All agreed. Seems ok. We played the morning, had lunch and went to register for afternoon game. This is where the proverbial crap hits the fan. The guy that registered us in the morning was there, but so was this fat guy, the head of golf operations, as I later found out, hawking over the registration. When we asked about our game, and the agreement to waive a caddy fee for the extra money we paid, this operation head became very agitated and said, NO, no such thing can be done, and that it was OUR fault for the communication breakdown, OUR fault for registering the extra buggy in the morning and NOT any of his issue, if we wanted to play Golf in Staffield, we will just pay what is required, and no deals or agreements will be made. For a while, I thought we were all wearing swatikas as armbands, the way he acted.

Look, Staffield Head of Operations, we are not criminals or terrorists about to sabotage your bloody petunias growing on the 18th hole. It became almost embarrassing after a while, because now the Koreans will think we’re all a bunch of inarticulate orang utans like this guy who can’t seem to understand the meaning of customer service.

There are literally a hundred ways to tell us that we can’t do what we thought we could. Explain it nicely. With a smile. Appease the customer a bit by saying, if its ok, I can give you a F&B voucher or something. Even the worse possible thing you can do is shrug and say, Sorry, we can’t do much, but here’s a free drink for the misunderstanding, please come and play in Staffield again. Hundreds upon hundreds of ways to come out well. And this guy just went to war with us.

It’s a pity when you have such a great product like Staffield Golf Course, and we then see uneducated people placed in charge of the operations. This guy obviously has zero experience in customer handling, and probably settles all conflict the same way he would get rid of a rat, scorpion or cockroach: Hammer the customer relentlessly with a loud voice, agitated gestures and a shovel until everyone submits to your rule.

Staffield, get rid of this idiot please. He’s smearing the good name of this golf course.

Other bad experience: Caddy loses the boss’s headcover, denies it, then pokes me for tip money when she wasn’t even helping me much. She also complained that RM30 was not good enough tip for her. Towel guy looked as if you are the cause of him being stuck in his career as the towel guy (maybe we are), starts barking at my Korean friends when they asked for plastic bag, like a rabid mongrel.

I really, honestly say Staffield is a very nice golf course. But the next time we think of a course for a corporate competition, or taking up membership, this will be the last place on earth I’d think of. Truly embodies the adage, “First world infrastructure, third world service.”

End update

Any course that’s flexible is good with us. Because they ran out of caddies (apparently, caddies are like any commodities in the market place), they allowed us to tee it up quickly so we can end quickly. We didn’t have a lot of experience with the caddies or marshals, so the less bother the better. The only thing is that in the F&B, NEVER ORDER the Char Kueh Teow. Serious. It comes watery. For those who are thinking that this is a golf blog and not a food blog, well, you are obviously not Malaysian, so we forgive you. In Malaysia, all things concern food. Food is the backbone of society, of our culture and you cannot divorce food from any topic in discussion. Golf, politics, business, economics, religion, marriages are tied to food. In fact, there is a saying, “A Malaysian without food is like a sparrow without wings.” I made it up actually. Sounds good, doesn’t it??

So when the Char Kueh Teow comes WATERY, gilagolf is not happy. A mediocre 3!!

Fairways (3/5)

I was slightly surprised that the course condition wasn’t as good as I expected it to be. Perhaps due to the rainy season. There were cart marks on the fairway, and the grass was inconsistent, with patches of cow grass over Bermuda, in the classic case of ‘Fairway Acne’, where cowgrass makes their way to the Bermuda turfs. I don’t think we’re good enough for the difference to really make a difference but we are just anal and want to pick on something.

Greens (4/5)

We found the greens in good condition. Of course, it’s nothing like the remarkable Impian. Here, it doesn’t really catch your ball so the safe bet is to roll it up to the flag. But the putts rolled fast. Even though a brief rain caught us on the 10th, 11th and 12th before clearing up, the greens were fast. Not crazy like Impian or Seri Selangor but still gave us a bit of challenge to stop 3 putting. Then again, by normal standards we are all putting as bad as a mongoose chasing its own tail, so 3 putting is pretty much the norm for us. Blast our limited skills!

Rough (3/5)

Staffield has got some challenging holes. Both courses have a different profile. The south being more scenic and offering more variation in terms of hole designs and OB framing the holes. The north is just long. And if you can drive it well, then you can negotiate pretty much the course. However, it’s not a course for the wayward. More than once I found my fading ball on the right side of the fairway in the rough, embedded into thick grass with trees blocking. All I could do was punch out and from there hope for a long approach to hold the green. It’s a tough rough. Surprisingly the bunkers weren’t top notch as we expected but I would think the downpour had something to do with it.

Aesthetics (3/5)

Surprisingly, we always expected Staffield to have a prettier face than what we saw. Perhaps it was the classic case of Clearwater sanctuary, where the expectations were just not met. It’s like we are all prepared to meet the prettiest girl in high school after several years of absence and when we do meet her, we are confronted with a girl who perhaps had her fair share of Pringles and perhaps too much of the sweet stuff. I mean, her features are still nice and all, but you wonder, how on earth did people ever think her the hottest babe in school??

It wasn’t that Staffield was lousy or anything, after all that Par 3 8th was really something to shoot for; but we always expected something better and I think perhaps, that was the problem, of having the reputation preceding the course itself. I remember thinking as I walked up the 3rd hole Par 4, which I proceeded to lose the ball left and double bogeying it, ‘I thought it was a lot better looking than this!’

Going out to the North Course, you are faced with a lot wider, though not necessarily prettier perspective. Honestly I can remember much of the holes we played, since heavy rain accosted us for the first 3 holes and we suffered mightily. Ironically when the rain stopped, I proceeded with four straight double bogeys like a whiskey filled baboon and only managed to end decent with a 12 footer sandy par at the end. That’s what golf does to you; repeatedly whip and beat you up and then offers you a chocolate at the end so you’ll idiotically come again and play, and the process of abuse and bribery is repeated.

Fun Factor (3/5)

We were slightly disappointed with Staffield. Not massively like Clearwater but I suppose the mood was really dampened by the ridiculous traveling time and the absolutely confounding maps and signs to this place. Once there, long golf courses are never really extremely fun for us because it’s hard to recover. For instance, the par 5 12th, after a mediocre tee shot, my second shot hit a tree and dropped only 50 meters away. Now I am left with a 250 meter shot; my 3 wood never had a chance. A great wedge into 10 feet, missed putt and bogey. Most holes are like that as I only managed 4 GIRs and none on the back nine. No GIRs, no chances. Simple as that.

Staffield played 73.45 Course Rating, 3rd behind Clearwater and Kota Permai, and 130 slope rating. Again, we reiterate we’re not going to analyse what these numbers pertain to us, since our understanding is that if it is high, it is harder for us. We’re hackers, not mathematicians.

Also, the downpour kinda made the back nine experience miserable, as one of my golf mates was already sick, so we were all kind of listless except for the final hole, when we had to par to square the game, which I am proud to say I did, with a stroke of my putter, but moreso with a stroke of luck.

Conclusion

It’s very difficult to say this, since we believe Staffield is a nice course, but given the traveling and the so-so course and aesthetics, you might want to think twice about this course. It’s a high, middle tier course, much like Clearwater: it probably won’t blow you out of your mind and give hackers a lot of fun, but unless they transport the whole darn course to PJ or at least somewhere accessible, we might give it a miss next time. For now, the best way to access is the same way to access most remote regions of the Amazon: by helicopter and landing on one of the greens on the North Course.

The good: Price is pretty much unbeatable on weekdays with AGN, the greens are well conditioned; rough is penalizing; considered one of the best course in Malaysia so it’s a must play at least once, especially the intimidating par 3 8th on South

The bad: One of the worst traveling experience ever; fairways are slightly off mark; aesthetics are mediocre except for the must play par 3 8th on South; plays slightly long for hackers.

The skinny: 21 of 40 divots (52.5%). We’re on the fence for this one. On one hand, I believe we’ll likely return to have another go; on the other, the experience of getting there is like having a hundred bagpipes blasting into your ear at once. Or a Scottish dude flouncing his kilt in front of you. Either way, it’s a terrible, horrible experience indeed.

Staffield Score Card

staffield.jpg

Staffield Information

Address:

13th Mile,
Seremban – Kuala Lumpur Country Road 71700 Mantin
N.Sembilan

Contact: +603-87666117

Fax: +603-87667173