Schadenfreude for Spieth?

jspieth

One of the first German words I learnt was schadenfreude. At least I think it’s german. Ich weiss nicht, tut mir leid.

It means that we are happy over someone else’s misfortune. For instance, the BMW that just cut into my lane this morning and immediately ends up in a horrific crash…but of course he escapes and his entire car bursts into flames. Man, that feels good. Or the car that parked in two parking lots suddenly randomly bursts into flames.

Or take Tiger – after years of dominance and arrogance, suddenly to be reduced to a lousy hacker that cannot chip – tell you what, a lot of people had that schadenfreude feeling.

But Spieth?

I saw his trainwreck in Augusta back nine. It’s similar to the one that Rory endured in 2011. Unlike Spieth, Rory was already struggling on the front nine before exploding to a back nine 43 and a final score of 80. That’s like us hackers scoring 110 on the final day.

Jordan? No one saw it coming on the front nine. He was at one time -7 and 4 under for his round. After he reeled off 3 birdies in a row including an extremely difficult one on the 9th, most people just thought, just give him the damn jacket.

Then came the implosion.

10 was a bad drive, 11 was a bad putt where he missed a 4 footer after an incredible 3rd shot. And then, came the 12th. Amen corner, at least 11 and 12 are.

Remarkably, his total strokes on 10,11 and 12th is exactly the same as Rory’s in 2011. Rory scored 7-5-5 and Jordan scored 5-5-7. Unfortunately his meltdown of 7 came on the par 3, so he played it 6 over as opposed to Rory’s 5 over. So it’s worse.

But while Rory was shaking his head, throwing his putter, untucking his shirt and looking like he had the worst job on earth collecting shit; Jordan did not throw his club once, did not slam his club into the ground, did not slam his club into his bag, and when he chunked his second into the water on the 12th – he just calmly ask for another ball. When he putted out for a 7, he just walked off, disappointed obviously but all the while as if he was just 1 down on a 15-5-5 betting game instead of the bloody Masters at bloody Augusta.

Its impossible to not like Jordan Spieth. Welcome to the world of sports, where you can be a good guy and also the best in the world. The world of Michael Jordan thrash talking is replaced by the mild mannered Stephen Curry – the world of Tiger Woods replaced by Jordan Spieth, who has a little sister with Autism and started a foundation for special children’s needs.

When you have him say, “Being Ellie’s brother humbles me every day of my life.”, you know his guy is honest-to-God a great guy and there is no way anybody on this God given earth can have a bad thought about him. Check out this clip on him and slowly clap your hands.

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Ernie Els is now a Hacker

How the mighty has fallen.

Ernie Els used to be one of the best golfers in the universe, with a swing as sweet and soft as ours are horrible and unsightly. We used to crave for his swing, but end up swinging like a baboon. That is on drugs, and possibly rabid.

But here he is: 6 Putting.

Yes. And this is 6 putting from 3 feet.

I have seen one of my hacker friend 4 putt from 3 feet and we were down to the ground laughing at his misfortune.

Welcome to the new record, which even John Daly won’t beat.

I mean, here it is. The first putt was just a miss. The second putt, like all professionals, he wanted to ram it straight through the break but must have pulled it. So he is back to where he was originally. He must now know the break is to the left.

He misses the SAME way. The same.

Now he is pissed. And also uncertain. He deccelerates his fourth putt and doesnt get enough speed and just breaks again.

He is pissed even worse now. He taps a 5 inch putt and it hits the hole. By now he has given up.

He never recovered and finished with an 80 and third last.

As of this writing, he just teed off his first hole and did much better. He double bogeyed it.

Bye bye Ernie.

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Hunting ground KRPM Hills

The last time I played at Rahman Putra Hills was probably 3 – 4 years ago. I think. We usually end up playing the ‘better’ course, the Lakes when we play Rahman.

I managed to squeeze in a game with a new member there and remember my first game of the year in Glenmarie yielding 94? Well, I went out and even out my average back to 90 by scoring 86. It could have been a heck lot better if not for some really missed opportunities.

The first thing to approach KRPM Hills – if you draw or you miss with a hook – you need to go safe. The 4th nine might look like a cakewalk, but ALL holes have trouble on the left. No kidding. First hole, woods. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth – OB. Seventh, woods. Eight OB. Nine -OB. And now, they have made cartpath OB. So if you hook it, you are dead. Memories of the explosions in Nilai comes to mind.

So I took out 3 wood on all holes (except the Par 5 second) and managed double, bogey, par, par, bogey, bogey, bogey, bogey, par. And that first double bogey came from a three putt.

For the 3rd nine (we played backwards), driver is a little more common and I started the nine with 3 straight pars, 1 bogey on the par 3 after a 3 putt, and followed by two pars and reached the index par 5 playing one over, and hitting 6 straight greens in regulation.

For those of you unfamiliar with the seventh hole par 5, it is a treacherous one. A long drive is needed, followed by an excellent wood over water and then a precise iron onto a really stingy green. Needless to say, I double bogeyed the last 3 holes to end up with a 43-43. Not bad, but not great either, especially playing +1 over 6 holes, and +6 over 3 holes.

Still, it was great to be back at Rahman Putra after touring those great courses like Mines, Kota Permai, Palm Garden etc. Here’s to a lot more games in the 80s!

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Welcome to the year of the Monkeys!

Gilagolf would like to take this time to wish all patient readers of this blog: Happy Chinese New Year and may your irons always be true and straight and your driver never stray from the path of righteousness.

As you know, I am in a sort of a downtime (although I did manage to squeeze in a reasonable round in Glenmarie recently. After starting with an awesome Triple-Double-Double, I managed to crawl home with a respectable 94 despite carrying a bad slice. I didn’t play too badly. The points were all lost in the short game typically:-chunked chips, skulled pitches, overhit puts … things that you generally have after laying off 6 weeks of golf.

The reason why we chose Glenmarie was due to the recent wipeout of the Asian team in the Eurasia cup. If you have watched the cringe worthy trashing, it was like watching Barcelona first eleven playing 100% against Setapak High School for 90 minutes. It was just a total thrashing. It was like me playing 18 holes against my 1 month old baby, who cannot even lift his head. It was like Mike Tyson going 5 rounds against a caterpillar, and I mean the animal, not the construction brand. Which begs the question:

Why did Danny Chia call out ‘Ian Who?’ the day before his singles against Ian Poulter?

For those of you who does not know, this is a tongue and cheek reference to the “Tiger Who” reference that Vijay Singh’s caddie wrote on the back of his cap during the 2000 President’s cup. Tiger got so incensed that he didn’t concede any putt more than 18 inches and won 2&1. The caddie and Vijay obviously thought it was funny, but at the same time, it was a mental game they wanted to play with Tiger.

Now you need to understand the circumstances.

Vijay was a top 10 player in year 2000. Tiger was number 1 and had won 9 tournaments. Vijay however got the Masters that season so they were probably toe to toe in terms of their capability. Vijay knew he needed a bit of push to derail Tiger a little, unfortunately, it backfired and Tiger got pumped up and dispatched the big Fijian. But it was a calculated move. Vijay knew if they were just to play normal, he would probably be routed out of the park. But a fired up Tiger might go both ways – his drives might wander and then who knows? Tiger made almost 10 million that year, Vijay had around 2 million earnings and they were great, great players.

Let’s refocus back on WTF was Danny Chia thinking. Now, I love to support Malaysians as well as the other guy, but the problem with Malaysians I feel is that we don’t think before we open our big mouth. Look at our politicians for God’s sakes. That Ahmad Maslan guy is like an accident waiting to happen everytime he opens his mouth – demonstrating how god awful his intelligence is hovering somewhere between a plankton and a jellyfish. It also demonstrates the eventual degradation that our brains are having and evidence of the de-evolution of human kind. His statements are not just an insult to Malaysians all over, but it’s an insult to mankind as a whole. Or recently (since Maslan has been sacked in his post recently), our wonderful AG (attorney general), making all sorts of STUPID statements. I mean, it’s just STUPID. Why would he say things like: “When someone donates 2.6 Billion to our Prime Minister, why does anyone care?” Umm. WTF is wrong with you, man? If I knew that my wife was paid 1 million dollars by a handsome prince for some service she did for him, you’d think I would say, why should I care? Dude, if our PM is becoming another country’s b*tch, we definitely have the right to give a damn or do you NOT feel that piece of meat poking you in your a$$? Jeez.

Now I am generally neutral to politics in this blog, but I cannot stay neutral to STUPIDITY. And this is STUPIDITY in the highest order. This AG, like that Maslan guy, is an absolute horror show, and if Aliens took samples on human intelligence, they would exterminate us all immediately and start from scratch with bacteria, that probably has more potential of intelligence than us. I just get so worked up when I think about these guys because it’s like having them insult our human race over and over and over. ARGH.

Anyway, back to Danny Chia vs  Ian Poulter.

He wasn’t as bad as our two Malaysians examples above. But the question is why would he say “Ian Who” to the press before the singles game? Why, for the love of God, would you do such a thing, knowing that Ian Poulter is actually a murderer in disguise when he comes to playing singles.

Danny Chia is ranked 256.

Ian Poulter is ranked 55. There is a massive 101 steps between them.

Danny was thinking, hell, I am ranked higher than Tiger Woods now, you know so don’t play play. Let me go and poke this Ang Moh a little in the butt and maybe he will scurry away to the nearest toilet in fear. I am Danny Chiah wor. Malaysian top player of the year, man!

Ian Poulter walked all over poor Danny. It was a car wreck. It was like having a tabby cat being bowled over by an Elephant. It was like Barcelona first 11 playing 100% against my son’s class – which is kindergarten 3 to 4 years old. There was no reason whatsoever why Danny would need to say that. None. All he had to do was to not say things and go out and play like a crazy monkey to beat Ian Poulter. Not to fire up Poulter. Poulter is like, Jeez, this is a total insult to my skill to play these jokers. I’m going to just use a halfset and tee off with my putter just to even things up.

At one hole, and this was when I turned off from watching the tournament – the camera was on Ian Poulter’s distinguished gait walking after a great shot to stick it near the hole. It then panned to a slumped Danny Chia taking a smoke. Yes, taking a smoke. I am not sure whether I’ve seen any PGA player doing that – but it just shows the gap of professionalism between the two players. PGA players CAN smoke, but they don’t, mainly because their sponsors pressure them and they earn tons. Asian players probably have lesser pressure from their sponsors, since instead of Rolex sponsoring them, they generally get sponsored by Roleks (sic). Instead of Nike, they get sponsored by Bata, and instead of Mercedes, they get sponsored by Proton Iswara. But c’mon, it’s just a turnoff, you know to show how different the class of golf is among the two players.

Don’t get me wrong, Danny played really well the first few days, and if it wasn’t for his partner’s 1 foot putt miss, they might have won one game. I was totally supporting him, and it’s just disappointing that he would think it’s a good idea to call out Ian the day before. It just shows, like the two examples of humans above, that we are truly in the year of the Monkey now.

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Summarising 2015

2015stats2

So 2015 has ended, and now 2016 is in but golf is going to be scarce. I suppose this is a good time as any to look back what has been achieved last year.

First of, summary stats above.

The most damning stats here is the 91.21 average gross. This is just not good enough. I wanted to set out last year to break 90, but in 39 rounds played, I only broke 90 15 times, which is a poor 38% while only breaking 85 in 2 tries (both times at Mines, incidentally). I suppose the only good news is that I only broke 100 twice – once in Seri Selangor and the other one recently in the blow out in Nilai Springs. Otherwise, it’s mostly 90 – 95 scoreline. In fact, it took me 6 games into 2015 before carding an 86, and in first 10 games, only broke 90 twice. The good news, is that, in the last 10 games, I broke 90 on 6 occasions. Granted, these were played at a lot better courses compared to the first 6 games and I didn’t have to tackle Seri Selangor in the last 10 games. My fairway hits are also low, but it doesn’t really matter because in some games, I can hit all the fairways but still fail miserably in scoring, while the opposite is true, whereby I miss all fairways and still score pretty well. My GIR is up, which is good, and at 2.56% par breakers, it means I had my share of birdies also.

2015stats1

 

A further break down as above.

I recorded 18 birdies last year, of course, the best coming from the recent Mines game where I hit back to back birds. Overall, I have around 4.5 pars per game, which technically is just not good enough. I should be comfortably averaging around 6 – 7 pars per game. The encouraging fact is that my iron games has improved a lot. My par 3 is being played a lot better, and has highest conversions of pars and play to only +0.96. Which is great. That means, if I can work out my par 4s, I should be playing a steady 15 – 16 handicap, as opposed to a very unsteady 16.
2015stats3

Finally – horses for courses. It’s pretty obvious my favourite courses also happens to be the best courses – Glenmarie Valley and Gardens, and Mines. Of course, Bangi has to be there since it;s such a short course. Kota permai, Sungai Long are played around 90, while Palm Garden, around 91.

So there you have it. 2015 has been filled with some pretty amazing shots (2 birdies in a row for example) and some pretty crap ones (10 greens in regulations and 6 three putts), and as I approach 2016, new father of 2, I don’t expect too much gametime. Whatever game I have, hopefully I can learn how to take those opportunities and break that darn 90!

Happy hacking everyone.

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So What Does 2016 Bring?

So quickly, we are in 2016.

I don’t think I achieve my goal of breaking 90 on average last year. I am probably hovering around the 91 – 92 mark. Which kinda suck. I had around 4 games I didn’t take into account last year – the scorecards are still in my bag. I think it reads around 88, 89, 102 and 88 or something. The 102 is the score in Nilai Springs, where I just had the shittiest time ever. Everyone knows Nilai Spring can be a bi*ch if you carry a hook. I think 99% of the holes in there are set up to kill the hooker. OB left. OB left. Water left. OB left. There was one hole, I hooked 4 drives into the bush. I was so pissed. Of course that hole I counted off as quadruple. In reality its probably around Unquadraguple. Look it up. It means +41.

I hate Nilai Springs.

The games before and after were good. I recall one outing at Mines where I struggled mightily at the nine that I usually score, and scored at the nine that I usually struggle, including two birdies in a row. It’s ridiculous, this game.

Anyway, starting 2016, my golf will generally be severely limited. My first kid is experiencing first hand his first year at kindy and every morning screams like how I scream when I miss a two foot putt. After screaming, he goes into a negotiative mode, like: “Can we just see the fishes and go?” “I want to see grandma” “I want to be with papa” and my all time favourite “I want to be a baby”. When everything fails, he goes into his default mode of screaming his lungs out. Every. Single. Day.

So, by the time I drop this bundle of screams off to be the teacher’s problem, it’s already around 8.45. I don’t think I will be picking up my golf clubs anytime soon, unless for an afternoon game maybe during the CNY.

My resolutions? Not to make any resolutions for golf. I think overall I have really improved. When playing in good golf courses. 2015 was a year where we played in Mines, Glenmarie, Sungai Long, Palm Garden, Kota Permai. When I go back to shitty courses like Nilai Springs and Kinrara and Seri Selangor, I generally end up playing like a panda humping a walrus. Technically I don’t think it’s possible but you get my point.

So don’t expect too much golf course reviews going into 2016. I might review a bit about baby food and stuff, but that’s over at my other blog at giladad.com.

For now, happy hacking and happy new year, you gilagolfers!

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New Year – New Dad

Haven’t been posting in a while but with a good reason. Finally having some reprieve after the Christmas season when we welcomed our second son into the world. Just to everyone who says the second kid is easier – NO. It’s not. It’s the same thing, except now you have the additional 3.5 year old kid running up and down and causing havoc in the house and screaming he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten at 7 am in the morning. So, no. Whoever said that only has the theory, but not the practice. They. Have. No. Clue.

Anyway, more on that later. For now, he is feeding reasonably well. The jaundice is the big worry, so much so, we were advised to rent a phototherapy unit in the house. It sounds much worse than it is. It’s actually pretty convenience, it’s around RM500 for 4 days 3 nights, and you basically lay the kid face down for 2 – 3 hours per session (around 3 sessions or 4 per day depending on how long you feed/breastfeed). So yeah it’s like maybe a round of golf in Mines or something, plus caddy tips and lunch. He sleeps very well like this as opposed to face up, but you need to have someone watch over him though and make sure he doesn’t block his nose or something. So the moment he moves, you should be up there and not watching football or something. We had him on a level of 270 for jaundice (bilirubin, if we need to be more exact) – but after 3 days we have gotten him down to 210, which is a safer level for 10 day old baby. We are putting him through 2 more sessions before our rent finishes. There’s this company in Kelana Jaya that does it http://www.bluelite.com.my/v2/. Its quite simple actually, in fact, the toughest part of it all would be to put the eye cover over his head and trying to turn him properly without thinking you would rupture his neck in the process. PM me if anyone needs more information in this. Not that I am an expert, but if you are anything like me thinking that home phototherapy is like understanding the science behind Interstellar movie, you will be better equipped once you realise the only instruction is: Turn On, Turn Off.

Welcome to earth, my little guy.

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Golf is truly a strange game — Again

kotapermaioctober

A few posts back, I made a noise about how golf is so strange – that even hitting like 10 GIR, I can still manage to 3-putt 6 of these greens in regulation, and I threw away my putter – literally up in the air. Because I am so cheap, I had to go collect it back.

Kota Permai is a really nice course to play in. The holes are challenging, the par 3s are memorable and the course setup is tricky and the two ending holes are worthy adversaries. However, breaking 90 hasn’t been easy for me there. I played 89-94-90 in my previous 3 outings there and it didn’t really start that great for me this round, after hooking my first drive into the woods and the second one as well. My first par came on the 14th, my favourite par 3, which is elevated, and usually require a strong pitching wedge to clear the front greens. I hit my shot to around 6 feet. Unfortunately, two of the other players we were teaming up against both slamdunked their shots – one of them to about 3 feet, and another actually hit the flagpole before bouncing 5 feet off. Both of them birdied.

From there, I sort of struggled abit until the last par 5 where I putted in a 15 footer, followed by the next par 5 on the front 9, where I putted in another 10 footer.

I was actually hitting my irons excellent but my drives kept blocking right, causing triple and doubles to start appearing on my card. I three putted 3 of my greens in regulation, so my scores should have been a lot better, but nothing beats the final. I hit my only second fairway with a good drive (my second good drive only actually), and then with a seven iron, completely top the crap out of my ball, causing it to launch low and skim over the fairway and luckily onto the green. When I approached the uphill green, someone from the practice green said, “WAH, that’s  damn good shot!”

I looked and saw my ball nestling 4 inches from the hole – from arguably my worst iron approach shot of the day.

Golf is a funny game indeed – sometimes, the good is not rewarded, and the bad goes unpunished. Kind of like our country, I think!

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The Case for and against Australia migration Final Part

Here’s the final piece of my rant before we go back to proper golf articles

Leisure and social interactions

I am assuming this means whether there is time and whether there are options for leisurely pursuit and social interactions with friends etc. This is quite subjective as you might think immediately in Australia it would be better. However, if you look at it from an immigrant stand point, it’s a different story. You are literally uprooting and restarting over there. Most of my peers (and I have MANY peers) who decided to go there, all speak of the same story – their entire world becomes smaller and more focused on their own family. Of course, there are some exceptions, but for sure mostly social interactions become much less for first generation immigrants. The OZs look with unease, and we end up sending our kids to a 90% Asian school. Integration is difficult due to our natural Asian tendency to flock with people the same hair colour. Importantly, family. Because of how we are, our extended family becomes critical – our grandmother, our parents all play a part in bringing up kids. We go for dinner, lunches etc. Then there is social groups – golf groups, football groups, mamak groups – in general because we grew up here, social interactions are obviously more abundant.

On leisure – again, its a matter of time and money. The myth in Australia is that you will have a lot of time. But your money doesn’t go that far as well, and shops closes at 6 pm. A good friend of mine said he had to completely revamp his outlook – he now go to bed at around 9 pm and wakes up at 5 am to go for a jog. He watches his beloved Liverpool in his house on his own because the matches are so late there, and he looks smatteringly miserable. Of course, to each its own – so it’s a touch and go for leisure for both countries, but Malaysia still wins it for social interaction.

Score: Malaysia 3 – 2 Australia

Economic and physical safety

The great misfortune of Malaysia is this: We could have been a better Singapore. Yes, our dear cousins down south who generally thumb down on us most of the time despite the fact that most of Singaporeans these days are immigrants from Malaysia as well. If we could have combined the sensibility and order of Singapore with the rich culture, resources and general character of Malaysia, we would have been better than Switzerland and our Ringgit would be referred to as better than the Sterling, as opposed now, where the ringgit is used in some countries such as Germany and America as wrapping paper or toilet paper. So sad. The frustration is this: If Malaysia was a country pockmarked by volcanoes, or constantly destroyed by earthquakes, or is blitzed continuously by asteroids, then no one would blame us for the stupid economic situation we are in. The fact is, pound for pound, acre for acre, we are literally the RICHEST country in the world with oil, logging, palm, rubber, natural ocean resources, farms, natural mountains and great golf courses. If we wanted to, we would have those poor Americans and UK people flocking to Malaysia to get into this amazing country.

Alas – like a pretty girl constantly abused by her crazy boyfriends, but yet having the need to be with these crazy boyfriends, our country is compounded with the stupidest politicians found in the entire world, who constantly take advantage of the country, rape its resources and compare Malaysia to countries like Cambodia who had 1/3 of is generation killed in the 70s, instead of comparing ourselves to Switzerland, USA or UK. SO individuals become bamboozling rich, while the country suffers generations after generations.

As for physical safety, the only place in Malaysia where you are theoretically safe is in your locked home, in a safe room, and putting yourself into a giant safe, locked by a combination with 1000 random numbers. No, safety is not a concept in Malaysia. That’s why when I was in Australia, I see Malaysians habitually threatening their children that if they do not stay with the parents closely in the mall, they will be kidnapped, and have their hands chopped off and become beggars in Thailand. Hey – we all grew up with that threat from our beloved grandmothers.

Score: Malaysia 3 – 3 Australia

Governance and basic rights

I don’t think I even need to go into this. Our country is the only country in the world where the suspect can also become the investigator, who can also fire other investigators and put his other suspect companions to become his own investigators and if all else fails, they are put in prison for some obscure reason like homosexuality. Ah yes, Malaysia. Our politicians are being seriously studied now by environmentalist as a possible evolutionary step of the dodo bird, which mysteriously disappeared last century.

However, contrary to popular belief that politicians are only stupid in Malaysia, politicians, by and large are stupid in a regional sense – take that fellow Jusuf Kalla from Indonesia for instance – the fler that said we should be thankful that Indonesia gives us 11 months of clean air – it just proves that stupidity is so global these days.

Score: Malaysia 3 – 4 Australia
Natural and living environment

I am just going to interpret this as how much quality the environment is in both countries. I would say, hands down, Malaysia would be way better than Australia for Nature. Sorry, I am biased. Living environment, I am just going to classify it as food. Food is definitely better in Malaysia, a hundred times. Yes, some people say in Melbourne you can get Malaysian food etc. While I do concede the food source is better like beef, pork, poultry etc and quality of food is better, but nasi lemak? Char Kueh Teow? Banana Leaf? Come on. Seriously. Australia? If you are into croc meat or wallaby meat, give me my claypot chicken rice anytime.

Score: Malaysia 4 – 4 Australia

Overall experience of life

So overall – based on Gilagolf extensive research – it’s really no big advantage to go to Australia at all – or in another sense, no big disadvantage. If you are pretty well off here, and you are past 35 and you already have 2 kids or more; generally I would say, Malaysia is a great option to stay. If we can sort ourselves out politically, this would be the greatest country in the entire world. If you are younger, no family and want to start at the bottom, with not much ambition but like security; then by all means, go for the immigrant route – our grandfathers did it, and now I suppose it’s our generations’ turn.

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The Case for and against Australia migration Part Two

Without much ado in comparing Australia and Malaysia and to either bust or confirm the myth that Australia is a dreamworld that all Malaysians born aspire to run off to, here’s a breakdown of the Quality of Life Index published by the EU. Before anyone crucifies me, though, do note that this is written in Gilagolf typical fashion – absolutely no research, and the opinions are generally very myopic, and should be consumed only for fun.

Material living conditions (income, consumption and material conditions)
Productive or main activity
Health
Education
Leisure and social interactions
Economic and physical safety
Governance and basic rights
Natural and living environment
Overall experience of life

I obviously got this list from the website and I am too lazy to click and read the actual definitions, so I’ll just interpret it on my own.

Material living conditions (income, consumption and material conditions)

This speaks for itself. I am thinking this is like how much people earn, and if good jobs are there etc.

Now I am not comparing Malaysians vs Australians. Note that I am comparing Malaysians vs Malaysians-who-are-first-generation-imigrants-to-Australia, the same way my grandfather was comparing his life after he was dumped by his father from the boat to Malaysia, with the China he just fled from. Which had a lot of killings, I assume.

Anyway, the myth in Australia is this: Malaysians who go to Australia will strike it rich and they all go and start a Mamak shop or chinese restaurant and live happily ever after.

The honest truth is that, except for a small handful, most Malaysians going to Australia are going to find it tough to land a job. A chief marketing officer I know headed there with his family and after 8 months, had to become a water bottle sales man door to door. A training director I know is now working as a secretary to a dentist. A high flying lawyer left the high life here and is now selling ice-cream. I know a guy who had a very good pay at pharma line and is now a year into migration and without a job. He is thinking of being a tram driver, but no, I will bet they won’t have anybody doing public service without prior work experience in Australia. Or another guy who used to own his own restaurant here, he is now a contract insurance agent. I mean, the expectations need to be tempered down significantly. As my friend who went over there would say, “Yes, training is good business in Malaysia, and probably can be here in Australia. But in Malaysia, would you want to be trained in corporate strategy by a Bangladeshi worker?” Not that we have anything against Bangladeshis, but honestly, that’s probably how immigrants are perceived over in Oz. No offence.

So you see, you might think Australia is X3 now to the ringgit. But you must also realise, your income will be likely around 30% of what you are getting now. So if you get 20K per month here, you will be lucky to earn 6K AUD. And after the tax and all, you will surprise at how many cornflakes meals (they are cheap in OZ!) you will be having at home.

So Quality of life in this aspect is very much biased in their advertisement of Australia. Now, of course for your kids, they have a better shot at jobs than you. But we are comparing immigrants to Malaysians who prefer to stay in Malaysia, remember.

Score: Malaysia 1 – 0 Australia

Productive or main activity

No idea what is this about. I will just imagine how productive your life is in terms of job satisfaction etc.

Now, EVERYONE swears that they would love a life with a 9 – 5 sort of schedule. They have no idea what another way of working is.

Australia is blessed with a workforce who are not greedy. Really. Their profit is not monetary. It’s TIME. They prefer to knock off earlier and not make the extra buck or deal. I had a colleague who instead of opting to meet me to discuss possible deal scenarios at 4.30 pm in Gold Coast, said, “Sorry, mate, the surf is up, I gotta go!”. It was 3 pm. What?

It’s a great life – for Australians. But wait, what about immigrants? Many of us will fail to adapt to this nonsensical lifestyle of going to work on time and leaving work on time. In fact, many of us modern tech guys will fail miserably at doing anything on a 9 – 5 schedule. The 9 – 5 schedule was created during the industrial revolution, when workers needed to be in the factory line at certain time or stuff doesn’t get done. This stupid idea had been carried on by equally stupid employers in this electronic age thinking this is the way to do things. Many years from now, our kids will be studying this 9 – 5 concept and linking it back to how humans generally began to exhibit similar intelligence to that of a wombat. We all have our own internal clock to get things done.

For Malaysians – more and more people are preferring, not flexi-time, or 9-5 time, they are preferring integrated worklife. That means, you are IN CHARGE of your work. Read the book “Why work sucks and How to fix it” by Cali Ressler and you will get this point. Integrated worklife means, if I have to send my kids or pick them up from school, I do it. I don’t take ‘leave’ or crap shoot because it takes me a few hours, and I am integrating it to my worklife. I am contactable, I am closing deals, I am managing my meetings. Same thing if I want to go shopping with my son for his christmas gift on a slow afternoon. I care about results, and the happier I am with my family and my own time, the more I would want to get the results needed, to keep that happiness.

Immigrants might find this concept a lot harder to accept in Australia. Australia might give Australians this flexibility, but can you imagine you, at the bottom of the food chain, telling your boss, sorry, bro, gotta pick up my daughter now, and will work from home. Call me-lah if anything, ok?!

Score: Malaysia 2 – 0 Australia

Health

I assume this is healthcare. Not health in general. If health in general, I think it’s hard to say. You would think australians are a lot healthier, but you know, it’s touch and go right. The air in Malaysia sucks big time. But the pollen in Australia literally gets me sick all the time. The food in Malaysia is oily, but Australia’s fish and chips isn’t the healthiest either. The general cleanliness in Malaysia is horrible, but ok – in Australia, you get skin cancer faster (note to golfers).

But healthcare. OK – some say Australia has completely free healthcare for immigrants. Um, no. But Medicare still rocks. You get the best public healthcare probably in the world and your medicine is also subsidised (not free). Compared to Malaysia where we can opt for government hospital which are cheap and the chance of you dying in the queue is around 95% since it takes a few weeks for you to get your turn. In some cases, babies had been delivered while the mother is at the waiting room, and other cases, these babies had grown up and graduated as well by the time the counter person called the number of the mother. The second option for Malaysia is private. Private hospitals are all run by companies run by persons who actually would rather watch their own mother die than to provide free healthcare. Private hospitals in Malaysia are notorious in overcharging patients for any small detail and their main motto is to extricate every ounce of money from you before you kick the bucket, which you likely will, mostly after seeing the bill. In fact, it is a known fact that the vending machines there only accept RM50 bills or bigger, else you useless, poor and money-less patients don’t get your Maggi in a cup. Damn, someone has gotta foot the bills of those Maggis!!

So for sure, Australia, hands down is way better. And this alone tips the scale for 99% of the immigrants. I mean, Australia doesn’t discriminate much whether you are an immigrant or not.

Score: Malaysia 2 – 1 Australia

Education

Unfortunately for Malaysia, our so called education has descended to the standards of how gebrils were educated in the middle ages to gnaw away at human remains in the Tower of London. That is to say, the education system in Malaysia is often used as a punchline in jokes, and equated to a bucket of sh*t, festering in a cesspool of sh*t, which happens to also be located in a quagmire of sh*t. Our minister of education can probably string a few words together to describe his day in English, but has been known to simply mutter incomprehensibly in another language of how useless English is in this world and that only the people from the isles of England speaks it. When asked to explain, he defended his statement by declaring in broken English, “Why don’t people complain that we do not teach American language, Australian language also? Or even Canadian language, or New Zealand language? Ha?! Why only English? This is obvious way to Anglicise our children!” When corrected that these were all English speaking nations, he chastised the reporter, “I heard of New Zealand language, please. I watched a documentary, where the teacher with the white beard and pointy hat was talking to those beautiful, long haired, pointy ears students with bow and arrows. Pfft.”

I don’t even need to compare the ridiculously and enchantingly free education for PR or citizens in Australia. In Malaysia, we have to paid bucket loads of money for private or ‘international’ education.

Score: Malaysia 2 – 2 Australia

OK – halftime. Not bad, at least we are tied!

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