The Long Absence


It has been ages since my last update. Some kindly souls have actually emailed me wondering if there was a reason for the absence, inclusive:

a) Giving up golf

b) Started another Blog elsewhere

c) Struck by lightning on the course and rotting away peacefully under the trees

As it is, none of the above.

I do have my #2 son and he plays a big part in my limited golf time now. And also my #1 is in school, and we generally start our day as drivers, ferrying one after another – so golf (if any) only can start after 9 am or so and most of my kakis prefer not to do that.

There have been some opportunities to play, and again on some fine courses like Tropicana, Kota Permai, thanks to our credit card. My golf game has yet to improve, but I am feeling OK with it so far. Once, I was struggling massively with my chips but now for some reason it seems to be OK, and now my putts are like bird shit.

Nothing can summarise my current state of golf than a recent game I had in Palm Garden. I was playing pretty normal on my first six (which to say, is not great) – one par, a couple of bogeys and two doubles. Then I meandered to a 47 on my front nine, but managed to hit a birdie on the Index 1 hole. I blasted my driver way left and from the rough, somehow my pitching wedge sailed perfectly to about 1 feet of the hole. Don’t ask me how I ended up with a pitching wedge second shot on an index 1 hole. I must have hit a tree or something and rebounded forward.

Front nine, I went on a crazy tear – birdie, par, birdie, which could have been 3 birdies in a row as I missed a 5 footer birdie putt on my second. So you think I would be playing like a king from there on right?

Nope. Par 5 next hole, instead of laying up which is what I normally would do, I was challenged by one friend to go for 2 on (which is not really possible unless you are extremely accurate, which I am not). One OB and a few hacks later, I ended up with an 8. And from there on, slide all the way into hellhole and ended up with a 46. So, I shot 3 birdies, 4 pars and still ended up with a 93? Man, golf sucks.

Anyway – that’s what it’s been so far – intermittent golf, and I apologise for not writing often – its not because I have given up the game, but it’s just that with the new kid + Tiger Woods retiring, there really hasn’t been much to write about lately at all!

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Last in Tournament

After the relative high when I won the closed tournament among around 16 people, and scoring a very good score, I came dead last in my team as our team lost out to another team for number 1 in a bigger tournament last week.

There are 12 players from each team, which top 8 makes the total score. We lost with 287 points to 289 of the first team. I came dead last with a score of 32 stableford points and obviously not contributing to the score.

I started extremely bad – true, I was rushing and nearly did not make the tee time as I was stuck in a massive traffic and had to change in the car. So I stepped up to make my first swing and it OB’ed. I was triple bogey first hole. The second hole, I kept topping the ball and made quintuple bogey (without losing the ball!) and my third hole, I plonked into the water for a double bogey. I was +10 over the first 3 holes!

I had another triple later on and one more at the back nine, but I did come back with 7 pars and some wondrous escapes, but the blow holes really did me in as we were playing handicap of the day. I wasn’t that bad, really, it just was very unfortunate that the first 3 holes I was up against the wall and I had to really gun for a lot of the shots – normally I would play safe or putt safe, but playing too aggressive has its downside.

So it just goes to show:- if you are honest with your game, golf giveth and taketh.

Incidentally, the overall single winner was the guy that I had total beef with because he cheats. I have no proof this round as I wasn’t playing with him, but when he came in the clubhouse and said he scored 4 birdies – I was very skeptical. I have seen his ‘birdies’. He downright cheats when he plays non tournament with us so what stops him from doing the same in tournament?

I hate to be a sore loser actually, which I am not. I am gracious and thankful I still managed to enjoy my game – but any win from that guy will be forever questioned by me, even if he did play an honest game.

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Weighing in on Lane Graves

By now, if you are on Facebook or any sort of social media, you probably heard of a few issues: In US – Orlando, specifically, you have the assassination of Christina Grimmie, a singer; the mass shooting at a gay club that killed 50+ people, and the alligator attack at Disney World’s resort on a 2 year old boy, that tragically ended in him drowning. Also, the assassination of a parliament member in UK – and in Malaysia, amidst all this, we have a runaway ostrich and yet another idiotic comment from our politicians on ransom money being donated to welfare charities. It’s pretty sad. If the entire world was a living organism, our politicians have successfully made our beautiful country the arsehole of the world where shit after shit is spewed out from. If the genie gave a wish, I’d wish these politicians can crawl back into whichever hole they slithered up from and forever disappear from the face of this universe.

But back to the Orlando news – and this has nothing to do with golf, even if the US Open is up and running and Rory is playing like crap dirt, and Jordan Spieth is cursing and Jason Day is not leading….everything suddenly seems so trivial, when you hear about a 2 year old boy being dragged and killed by an alligator while on a holiday with his parents. While in a Disney resort.

Of course, everyone have their opinions but it seems to fall into two camps, whether the parents are to blame or not. I think a lot of people made this into a racial thing, which is understandable, since a couple of weeks ago, when the gorilla vs boy story blew the internet and the gorilla had to be killed, initially the mother is being taken into questioning to be charged (which has since been rescinded). The mother of the boy in the gorilla pit is black. The family of the alligator attack is white. The problem to compare was that the boy in the gorilla pit survived, the gorilla was killed. Here, the boy is killed, and the alligator (presumably) survived.

Some of the comments blamed the parents for neglect. I was just thinking, if I was there on a holiday in a bloody DISNEY resort, the last thing I am thinking about is a damn alligator coming into 2 feet of water and killing my son. Should my son be in the water? Well, yes, boys are boys. And what’s more, this family was from NEBRASKA. If you know Nebraska, there is not a single drop of ocean or water within a thousand miles. It’s the freaking midwest. So yeah, a family comes to Disney, a 2 year old boy wants to experience the beach and water , plus it’s man made – plus it’s bloody DISNEY. So to those who says that the parents are stupid to allow their son into the water in Florida shows these guys (the commenters) are absolutely retarded. As retarded as our politicians, apparently so it seems that we are not the only arsehole of the world. Part of America is. Obviously they don’t have children of their own. Or they smoke weed for a living and comment on facebook.

While sympathy is there for the family, and of course, me being a parent, I immediately superimpose the “what if it was my family” connundrum into the situation…I cannot imagine the pain they must be going through. Sympathy is not enough. The fault is not the parent’s. The fault isnt even on the alligators. They were just doing what they were created to do by nature – and then so many alligators were killed unnecessarily.

If anyone is at fault, it should be Disney. The company.

Yes, the CEO apparently visited the family and paid his condolences. No, he shouldn’t just do that as if that was a big deal. So what? Because you are CEO the family should appreciate your time? Who cares? You are just a human, like everyone else. The fact was, Disney failed to put up a sign to state there were bloody alligators. And why are there alligators roaming around your bloody Resort? If it’s a natural lake, sure. But this is a man made lake belonging to the resort. And the sign stated ‘No Swimming’. WTF does that mean? Why not put, “No swimming because a crocodile is going to snatch up your kids”? The kid wasn’t even swimming, he was wading on the shore, looking for treasures. Just like my kid would do.

Disney just made 1 billion with their new movie Zootopia. They have a few more movies coming out that will cross that mark – Finding Dory and another one about a hawaiian princess, Moana. They make millions from their parks and endorsements and copyright.

Disney should own up on their fault here and they should pay this family at LEAST 20  million USD. The money won’t bring Lane Graves back, but the company should be punished for severe negligence on their part.

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First Tournament Win

cropped-gilagolf2.jpgI’ve been playing recreational golf for more than 10 years. Started in 2004, first time swinging the club and now it’s a dozen years and I’ve gotten my game down to 12 at one point before ballooning up to 24 and now re-settled back at 16.

We had a small, closed tournament recently and amazingly, this is the first time I won. As in win anything at all in golf. Here’s my theory on my game:

My weight had also ballooned up, till a point one of my regular kakis whom I have not met for a long time kept commented how bloated I am when I met him at the tournament. He was a strange fella. He’s the type of golfer who talks a lot and analyzes a lot but still plays like crap. I mean not total crap, but I’ve never really seen him play well before in my life but the way he talks makes you think he is scoring regularly in the 70s. But he doesn’t. He scores well into the 90s and sometimes even 3 digits.  I suppose he is marketing guy. He kept going on about my weight and being so amazed etc, until it was getting slightly awkward as I wanted to just retort to him that while weight can change, unfortunately his face cannot. He has a face like an avocado, as in pockmarked and completely brutal to look at. The sort that only his wife would probably appreciate. In the dark. He’s like Deadpool, without the mask.

But I treasured our friendship a lot over the years and just smiled politely. He’s a really nice guy under all the golf BS, really and I didn’t want my silly sarcasm to spoil anything between us. Besides, I wasn’t offended or anything, but it’s just sort of natural for me to start bantering and has gotten me into all sorts of scraps previously. So I’ve learnt to shut my gap more.

Anyway – why I’m saying this is I think my weight has added some good stuff to my game, while subtracting from my lifespan. I’ve gained around 8 kilos since my second son came out and due to less golf and more food, gotten to a point where I can’t fit into a lot of my pants. However, for some reason, my golf game has improved.

I feel a lot more stable now on my irons and my drive. I don’t know if the weight has anything to do with it, but I am totally clobbering my irons. As in, murdering. I was standing at around 120 meters at one point in the game and overshot the uphill green with my gap wedge. Right now, for anything 140 meters, I am taking out a pitching or at most a half swing 9-iron. 100 meters, I am looking at a sand wedge. Anything in the 180s I am hitting my 5-iron. I regularly take 2 clubs less than my playing partners – and while my score is floating in the high 80s to low 90s level, I am a lot more confident approaching most of the greens with a 9 iron than a 7 iron.

The tourney was in KGSAAS and I havent played there in years. The first nine, I reeled off 4 pars in a row to end the nine, all with makeable birdies which I missed badly, and ended the game with 89. This includes a triple, and 5 greens where I 3-putted. My putting for some reason has become like a retarded platypus.

Now the competition was not PGA Tour standard by any means, in fact, there were no buayas (it was a very friendly competition) – and the winning score was actually 35 on stableford. In fact 5 people tied for 35 but because of my eight pars, my handicap was the lowest and I won. Yea.

It’s still a milestone though.

And I think I’ve got my weight gain to thank for this. So. More Durians!



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Sungai Long, Luckiest Day and Bad Caddies


Based on our previous experience with Sungai Long the conclusion was nice course, crap service. And there has been no changes since.

But firstly – more optimistically – the game at Sungai Long recently will forever be rated as the luckiest day of our collective lives.

I am usually not a firm believer of luck – but thanks to today, I am now pretty sure there’s some sort of lucky counter up there that’s helping us out.

a) My first drive was a hook into the trees on the way to OB – and yet it spilled out nicely onto the fairway.

b) Twice, my playing partner’s drives were all headed into oblivion only for the trees to spit them out.

c) My playing partner skulled his ball from the bunker, zipped over the green over our heads, hit the stationary cart parked opposite and dropped to about 8 feet from the hole.

d) My 10th drive was an exact same drive as my first, but this time, the hook hit the SIDE of the cart path (where the stones were angled at a 45 degree angle), and bounced so hard to the opposite direction, that it landed smack in the middle of the fairway, about 20 meters from the green, which technically made it my first 300 meter drive.

e) A few drives after that, my drive hit the cart path again on the left and bounced again onto the fairway, around 60 meters from the green.

f) And finally – on par 5, and hitting my 3 wood second shot to around 250 meters: the ball faded right and hit (again) the 45 degree angled road bank and bounced back left so hard  that it landed on the green around 10 feet from the hole! I missed the darn eagle but it was the easiest birdie of my life.

I mean one time, two times OK – but this was like constantly LUCKY. I should go and buy me some number.

Anyway even with such divine help, I could only limp to a 91 – Sungai Long has never been easy for me, but the caddies …. If Glenmarie caddies were a bunch of crooks, then Sungai Long caddies are a bunch of idiotic gerbils.

Actually, we expected that anyway yet it’s our fault for taking up the caddies. First, they only gave us one guy at the first tee, promising they will send us another one. It was only through the 3rd hole, that the guy came.

The first caddy didn’t really speak any English and his Malay was only very primitive, so communication was devilish difficult. He was constantly smoking so throughout the 18th, our buggy smelled like a tobacco factory. Not cool, even when we made it clear we didn’t want him to smoke, he would keep his smoke up his sleeves and drag it when we are hitting our shots.

Look – I am willing to overlook all these. Really, it’s our fault for not learning. He didn’t read any greens and was slow in getting our clubs. He was just a terrible caddy…but I don’t blame him. He’s just a labourer, who worked in maintaining the course but because Sungai Long couldn’t afford proper caddies, they just sort of promoted these labourers to become caddies. At least that is in our opinion, since he would stop by and chat with the labourers all the time in (I think) Bangladeshi.

But what we cannot overlook is this: At the end, we go, alright, let’s just give him RM30 because we are kind. As in, he is ABSOLUTELY, PAINFULLY USELESS. Yet, because of our stupid culture of tolerance and kindness that my parents had instilled in me, I was still compassionate enough to give that money to him.

And he looks back and says bluntly in barely intelligible Malay, “You should be giving me RM50. That is standard, boss”.

We were like, WTF?

As in W.T.F.??!

I wanted to retort, yeah, standard if we get standard caddies and not some sort of parasitical organism that happens to be growing at the back of my buggy and smoking the crap out of his life the entire game!

I know Sungai Long is basically going down the toilet, but this is truly humiliating. I bet if Jack Nicklaus knew what they are doing to the club  he designed, he would be telling them to close it down and turn it into a cattle farm.

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Glenmarie’s Thieving Caddy


It’s been a while since my last post!

The thing is, the amount of golf played this year has been absolutely minuscule – since my second son came out around Christmas, it has been almost six months, and the amount of golf I’ve played is probably – 4 or 5 rounds, I can’t really recall. Only in the past 4 weeks I’ve managed to play twice – 2 weeks ago I played in KGNS Kelana Course after laying off for months and promptly scored 83, my best score for a long time. This included 8 pars, 2 double bogeys and 8 bogeys. And this was walking the course, with the last 4 holes played with an excruciating cramp in my left leg.

This week, managed to play a round at the Valley course in Glenmarie and scored around 92. I played the front at 43 and just had a bad streak in the back 9 with a double, triple, triple scored due to bad breaks and over clubbing. I was hitting my driver and irons way better than I was hitting in KGNS but that’s how golf works you know. Sometimes you play badly and score well and sometimes you score badly and you play well.

Glenmarie has always been a little of a sore course for me. The course itself is ok, but the management of the course is just stupid. It’s stupid. Go read the reviews of the course in this blog and you will find I have no issues with the course, but with the people running it and the people in it.

This round, we had a caddy who was a little too chatty for my liking. He seemed very eager to talk, and asked us if we were betting and such. I said, just a bit, nothing big. Then in a few holes, he cracked some jokes which were just a little off, I felt. Like he was high on drugs or something. He didn’t do anything bad but he didn’t do anything good either – he was bad at reading greens and basically, not extremely helpful at all. No biggie.

We tipped him after the round and finished the game and left. After lunch my buggy mate texted me and asked if I was missing any money. I wasn’t sure, since I didn’t even know how much I had in my wallet to begin with. He said he lost RM500. As in, missing from his wallet. I told him to call up the club and check on the caddy because the caddy seemed very off. It’s just a gut feeling, you know, when you don’t have proof.

Sure enough, a few days on, Glenmarie calls back and they said they have recovered back RM400 from that caddy.

Wait – ok, thank you Glenmarie for being prompt, but what about the RM100? And What did you do to that caddy? Did you make sure you fired him and ensure he never ever gets any job within a 100 mile radius of a golf course again and spend his entire life sifting through shit to get his daily meals? What is your hiring policy? Is it going to change? How do you ensure the peace of mind of golfers if your caddies are thieves?

I think Glenmarie should make a public statement on this to ensure golfers are at peace with their game in the club. They should publish it and say that they apologise for hiring thieves and that they will do everything they can to shore up their hiring process to make sure these drug addicts don’t see the light of day again.

Also – they should give us a free round at least as an apology.

So Gilagofers going to Glenmarie – BEWARE! You might be having a thief in your buggy with you!

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Schadenfreude for Spieth?


One of the first German words I learnt was schadenfreude. At least I think it’s german. Ich weiss nicht, tut mir leid.

It means that we are happy over someone else’s misfortune. For instance, the BMW that just cut into my lane this morning and immediately ends up in a horrific crash…but of course he escapes and his entire car bursts into flames. Man, that feels good. Or the car that parked in two parking lots suddenly randomly bursts into flames.

Or take Tiger – after years of dominance and arrogance, suddenly to be reduced to a lousy hacker that cannot chip – tell you what, a lot of people had that schadenfreude feeling.

But Spieth?

I saw his trainwreck in Augusta back nine. It’s similar to the one that Rory endured in 2011. Unlike Spieth, Rory was already struggling on the front nine before exploding to a back nine 43 and a final score of 80. That’s like us hackers scoring 110 on the final day.

Jordan? No one saw it coming on the front nine. He was at one time -7 and 4 under for his round. After he reeled off 3 birdies in a row including an extremely difficult one on the 9th, most people just thought, just give him the damn jacket.

Then came the implosion.

10 was a bad drive, 11 was a bad putt where he missed a 4 footer after an incredible 3rd shot. And then, came the 12th. Amen corner, at least 11 and 12 are.

Remarkably, his total strokes on 10,11 and 12th is exactly the same as Rory’s in 2011. Rory scored 7-5-5 and Jordan scored 5-5-7. Unfortunately his meltdown of 7 came on the par 3, so he played it 6 over as opposed to Rory’s 5 over. So it’s worse.

But while Rory was shaking his head, throwing his putter, untucking his shirt and looking like he had the worst job on earth collecting shit; Jordan did not throw his club once, did not slam his club into the ground, did not slam his club into his bag, and when he chunked his second into the water on the 12th – he just calmly ask for another ball. When he putted out for a 7, he just walked off, disappointed obviously but all the while as if he was just 1 down on a 15-5-5 betting game instead of the bloody Masters at bloody Augusta.

Its impossible to not like Jordan Spieth. Welcome to the world of sports, where you can be a good guy and also the best in the world. The world of Michael Jordan thrash talking is replaced by the mild mannered Stephen Curry – the world of Tiger Woods replaced by Jordan Spieth, who has a little sister with Autism and started a foundation for special children’s needs.

When you have him say, “Being Ellie’s brother humbles me every day of my life.”, you know his guy is honest-to-God a great guy and there is no way anybody on this God given earth can have a bad thought about him. Check out this clip on him and slowly clap your hands.

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Ernie Els is now a Hacker

How the mighty has fallen.

Ernie Els used to be one of the best golfers in the universe, with a swing as sweet and soft as ours are horrible and unsightly. We used to crave for his swing, but end up swinging like a baboon. That is on drugs, and possibly rabid.

But here he is: 6 Putting.

Yes. And this is 6 putting from 3 feet.

I have seen one of my hacker friend 4 putt from 3 feet and we were down to the ground laughing at his misfortune.

Welcome to the new record, which even John Daly won’t beat.

I mean, here it is. The first putt was just a miss. The second putt, like all professionals, he wanted to ram it straight through the break but must have pulled it. So he is back to where he was originally. He must now know the break is to the left.

He misses the SAME way. The same.

Now he is pissed. And also uncertain. He deccelerates his fourth putt and doesnt get enough speed and just breaks again.

He is pissed even worse now. He taps a 5 inch putt and it hits the hole. By now he has given up.

He never recovered and finished with an 80 and third last.

As of this writing, he just teed off his first hole and did much better. He double bogeyed it.

Bye bye Ernie.

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Hunting ground KRPM Hills

The last time I played at Rahman Putra Hills was probably 3 – 4 years ago. I think. We usually end up playing the ‘better’ course, the Lakes when we play Rahman.

I managed to squeeze in a game with a new member there and remember my first game of the year in Glenmarie yielding 94? Well, I went out and even out my average back to 90 by scoring 86. It could have been a heck lot better if not for some really missed opportunities.

The first thing to approach KRPM Hills – if you draw or you miss with a hook – you need to go safe. The 4th nine might look like a cakewalk, but ALL holes have trouble on the left. No kidding. First hole, woods. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth – OB. Seventh, woods. Eight OB. Nine -OB. And now, they have made cartpath OB. So if you hook it, you are dead. Memories of the explosions in Nilai comes to mind.

So I took out 3 wood on all holes (except the Par 5 second) and managed double, bogey, par, par, bogey, bogey, bogey, bogey, par. And that first double bogey came from a three putt.

For the 3rd nine (we played backwards), driver is a little more common and I started the nine with 3 straight pars, 1 bogey on the par 3 after a 3 putt, and followed by two pars and reached the index par 5 playing one over, and hitting 6 straight greens in regulation.

For those of you unfamiliar with the seventh hole par 5, it is a treacherous one. A long drive is needed, followed by an excellent wood over water and then a precise iron onto a really stingy green. Needless to say, I double bogeyed the last 3 holes to end up with a 43-43. Not bad, but not great either, especially playing +1 over 6 holes, and +6 over 3 holes.

Still, it was great to be back at Rahman Putra after touring those great courses like Mines, Kota Permai, Palm Garden etc. Here’s to a lot more games in the 80s!

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Welcome to the year of the Monkeys!

Gilagolf would like to take this time to wish all patient readers of this blog: Happy Chinese New Year and may your irons always be true and straight and your driver never stray from the path of righteousness.

As you know, I am in a sort of a downtime (although I did manage to squeeze in a reasonable round in Glenmarie recently. After starting with an awesome Triple-Double-Double, I managed to crawl home with a respectable 94 despite carrying a bad slice. I didn’t play too badly. The points were all lost in the short game typically:-chunked chips, skulled pitches, overhit puts … things that you generally have after laying off 6 weeks of golf.

The reason why we chose Glenmarie was due to the recent wipeout of the Asian team in the Eurasia cup. If you have watched the cringe worthy trashing, it was like watching Barcelona first eleven playing 100% against Setapak High School for 90 minutes. It was just a total thrashing. It was like me playing 18 holes against my 1 month old baby, who cannot even lift his head. It was like Mike Tyson going 5 rounds against a caterpillar, and I mean the animal, not the construction brand. Which begs the question:

Why did Danny Chia call out ‘Ian Who?’ the day before his singles against Ian Poulter?

For those of you who does not know, this is a tongue and cheek reference to the “Tiger Who” reference that Vijay Singh’s caddie wrote on the back of his cap during the 2000 President’s cup. Tiger got so incensed that he didn’t concede any putt more than 18 inches and won 2&1. The caddie and Vijay obviously thought it was funny, but at the same time, it was a mental game they wanted to play with Tiger.

Now you need to understand the circumstances.

Vijay was a top 10 player in year 2000. Tiger was number 1 and had won 9 tournaments. Vijay however got the Masters that season so they were probably toe to toe in terms of their capability. Vijay knew he needed a bit of push to derail Tiger a little, unfortunately, it backfired and Tiger got pumped up and dispatched the big Fijian. But it was a calculated move. Vijay knew if they were just to play normal, he would probably be routed out of the park. But a fired up Tiger might go both ways – his drives might wander and then who knows? Tiger made almost 10 million that year, Vijay had around 2 million earnings and they were great, great players.

Let’s refocus back on WTF was Danny Chia thinking. Now, I love to support Malaysians as well as the other guy, but the problem with Malaysians I feel is that we don’t think before we open our big mouth. Look at our politicians for God’s sakes. That Ahmad Maslan guy is like an accident waiting to happen everytime he opens his mouth – demonstrating how god awful his intelligence is hovering somewhere between a plankton and a jellyfish. It also demonstrates the eventual degradation that our brains are having and evidence of the de-evolution of human kind. His statements are not just an insult to Malaysians all over, but it’s an insult to mankind as a whole. Or recently (since Maslan has been sacked in his post recently), our wonderful AG (attorney general), making all sorts of STUPID statements. I mean, it’s just STUPID. Why would he say things like: “When someone donates 2.6 Billion to our Prime Minister, why does anyone care?” Umm. WTF is wrong with you, man? If I knew that my wife was paid 1 million dollars by a handsome prince for some service she did for him, you’d think I would say, why should I care? Dude, if our PM is becoming another country’s b*tch, we definitely have the right to give a damn or do you NOT feel that piece of meat poking you in your a$$? Jeez.

Now I am generally neutral to politics in this blog, but I cannot stay neutral to STUPIDITY. And this is STUPIDITY in the highest order. This AG, like that Maslan guy, is an absolute horror show, and if Aliens took samples on human intelligence, they would exterminate us all immediately and start from scratch with bacteria, that probably has more potential of intelligence than us. I just get so worked up when I think about these guys because it’s like having them insult our human race over and over and over. ARGH.

Anyway, back to Danny Chia vs  Ian Poulter.

He wasn’t as bad as our two Malaysians examples above. But the question is why would he say “Ian Who” to the press before the singles game? Why, for the love of God, would you do such a thing, knowing that Ian Poulter is actually a murderer in disguise when he comes to playing singles.

Danny Chia is ranked 256.

Ian Poulter is ranked 55. There is a massive 101 steps between them.

Danny was thinking, hell, I am ranked higher than Tiger Woods now, you know so don’t play play. Let me go and poke this Ang Moh a little in the butt and maybe he will scurry away to the nearest toilet in fear. I am Danny Chiah wor. Malaysian top player of the year, man!

Ian Poulter walked all over poor Danny. It was a car wreck. It was like having a tabby cat being bowled over by an Elephant. It was like Barcelona first 11 playing 100% against my son’s class – which is kindergarten 3 to 4 years old. There was no reason whatsoever why Danny would need to say that. None. All he had to do was to not say things and go out and play like a crazy monkey to beat Ian Poulter. Not to fire up Poulter. Poulter is like, Jeez, this is a total insult to my skill to play these jokers. I’m going to just use a halfset and tee off with my putter just to even things up.

At one hole, and this was when I turned off from watching the tournament – the camera was on Ian Poulter’s distinguished gait walking after a great shot to stick it near the hole. It then panned to a slumped Danny Chia taking a smoke. Yes, taking a smoke. I am not sure whether I’ve seen any PGA player doing that – but it just shows the gap of professionalism between the two players. PGA players CAN smoke, but they don’t, mainly because their sponsors pressure them and they earn tons. Asian players probably have lesser pressure from their sponsors, since instead of Rolex sponsoring them, they generally get sponsored by Roleks (sic). Instead of Nike, they get sponsored by Bata, and instead of Mercedes, they get sponsored by Proton Iswara. But c’mon, it’s just a turnoff, you know to show how different the class of golf is among the two players.

Don’t get me wrong, Danny played really well the first few days, and if it wasn’t for his partner’s 1 foot putt miss, they might have won one game. I was totally supporting him, and it’s just disappointing that he would think it’s a good idea to call out Ian the day before. It just shows, like the two examples of humans above, that we are truly in the year of the Monkey now.

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