Struggles on Palm Garden

You have heard of horses for courses.

Its true in many sense for golf – some golf courses are just right for the eye – like Mines – everytime I play there, I feel like I can score a pretty good score. Generally when the course is set up to punish slicers I am happy as my ball almost never goes left to right. Some courses are nightmares to hookers like me – Rahman Hills is an example, where every problem is on the left. Seri Selangor, without a doubt.

But one course that I really can’t wrap my head around is IOI Palm Garden. From the outset you would think its a course you can have for breakfast. Pristine fairway, great greens, not so long, attackable in almost every sense – the index holes are not tough – but the craziness of it all is – WHY CAN’T I BLOODY SCORE IN THIS COURSE?

Hole 1: I started actually quite well. My drive missed the fairway bunker by a few feet and from 110m, I stuck my gap wedge to around 15 feet, downhill putt. The putt was very fast and I just overpowered it and missed the come-back. 3 -putt to start but ok, not too bad. (+1).

Hole 2: The easy par 3, but sometimes I tend to hit short. Not this time, I hit a good sandwedge in but again, it was over the hole around 20 plus feet. This time, two putt par. (+1).

Hole 3: Of all times to hook it, I hooked it. It hit the cartpath on the left and unluckily went out of bounds. Reloaded and found the left rough, and my 9 iron approach was good, but right of the green. I tried my hand in chipping for the first time – and very well done. It was perfect and rolled to around 2 feet and I managed to double bogey. GREAT CHIP! (+3)

Hole 4: The classic par 5. Hit an OK drive, but it drew a bit to the left but no harm done. My second shot basically took me to the perfect spot. Around 80 meters away from the so-called island green. I don’t think I would screw this up. Oh Wait. I did. I skulled my 60 degree STUPIDLY and it basically buried itself into the green bunker’s slope. I fluffed my bunker shot poorly (its an impossible lie anyhow) and it zipped into the water. Dropped for six, and actually chipped very well close and double bogeyed (+5)

Hole 5: Back to back par 5. Hit a pure drive that almost reached the fairway bunker on the right. A routine regulation on and had a 15 footer for birdie which I barely missed. Par. (+5)

Hole 6. This is the index 1 par 4 which isn’t so Index 1. A nice drive, but with a nine iron in my hand, I conjured up a crap shot that pulled into the left greenside bunker. What a waste! Hit an ok shot out and had a 10 – 12 footer to save par which once more I missed. (+6)

At this point, I felt pretty solid with my game. My chips were spot on, and really, if it wasn’t for that hopeless hook on the 3rd and the bad 60 degree on the par 5 4th, my scores would have been solid. The putting isn’t great though, and I think one of the things about this course is the undulating greens and faster than normal roll.

Hole 7. Just when you think its fine, it comes crashing down. This isn’t an easy par 3 to begin with, but its manageable. But with my 7 wood in hand, I duffed it so badly, it badly trickled 30 meters away, and before the ladies tee box. Shocked, I duffed my second shot as well, and facing a third shot flop shot, I hit a poor 60 degree that didn’t even reach the green. My 4th chip was finally on, very far away, two putted for a shocking (and unexpected) triple bogey. (+9)

Hole 8. Recovering from that was tough, but the last two holes always had good memories for me. I however, pushed my drive so far right this time that I was on the next hole’s rough. Luckily I had an opening which I hit my 60 degree over and onto the green, 8 feet from the hole. Burned the side of the hole with my birdie putt and settled for my par (+9)

Hole 9. A good, good drive set me up slightly on the right. This is a sucker pin to hit because it was set up in the narrow side of the green on the right where you had to hit over the bunker and stop it dead or else it would roll down over the hill. I don’t think I ever hit a better 60 degree before in my life. It lofted just over the bunker and dropped, rolled to the fringe, almost over the green. I had a 10 footer again for a birdie which I once more missed, and settled for par. (+9)

Hole 10. Cross over to the par 5. I hooked this ball to the left and thought I had OB’ed. Played a provision and luckily found my ball hanging on the rough a bit on the left. I hit my second to around 100 meters and facing an uphill, I was switching between my sand and gap. I settled for gap and stuffed it to – again! – around 12 feet of the hole, and an extremely makeable birdie putt. And again, I missed for par. (+9)

Hole 11. I was a little on the roll here. This is a very nice downhill hole, where my driver found me around a 120m away from the uphill green. I always hit short on this, so this time, decided to go long a bit with my pitching wedge. Right choice and it found me with a birdie chance around 10 feet, with a downhill sashay. I thought this would be my chance, but once more, missed the go**amn birdie!! That’s 4 makeable birdies within 12 feet that I have suffered to miss!!! (+9)

Hole 12. Going into the 12th with 4 pars in the row should make me a happy guy but instead, I was pissed not making any birdies of those close approach shots. This par 3 needs to land on the right and it would trickle down to the back of the steep green, where the flag was. I hit –what I thought was a perfect pitching wedge — but instead of catching the hill on the right, it spun back on the false front and slided all the way down to the front of the green – very very far away. I couldn’t recover and three putted for a bogey. (+10)

Hole 13. A very tough par 5 which I never ever scored well. The last time I played on this cursed hole I hit a freaking tree on my third and it rebounded OB. This time, I was so scared of the left water, I hooked my drive to the left. No harm. I hooked my 6-iron again but it is on the fairway around 130m away from the green. Its on the fairway and looks very very good. Like how I screwed up the other par 5, my pitching wedge inexplicably pushed right – as if the bloody water was a magnet for my bloody ball – and splash. I think I played this hole a thousand times and every time I mess it up. Always, my third. I dropped , hit my fifth, found the front of the green, but so totally pissed off, I three putted for triple. Stupid, stupid hole. 13 is the unlucky number and I am (+13) as well.

Hole 14. Tough par 3 to pair with unlucky 13. This time, I managed to avoid the left OB and hung out too far right, into the bunker. Routine out from the bunker (i.e not so good), and two putted for bogey. Its a good score here. (+14)

Hole 15. At this point, the flight in front of us were really killing our buzz. Slow, and hopelessly inadequate in terms of skills, they were forcing us to wait on every shot, and the more I waited, the more pissed I became. I am a very impatient golfer, I admit. My drive here was so poor, it bounded almost into the water fronting my tee box. Luckily the ball was alive a bit on the left, but a long wait and I pulled my 7 wood further left. At this point I was on the other hole’s fairway, around 160 away for my third. Again, a long wait. Duffed my 6 iron into a fairway bunker. Bunker out with my fourth, and still away from the green. Tried to five – on but hit a poor shot that flew over the flag and left me with an extremely long putt over an undulating green. Three putted for triple. (+17). Pissed.

Hole 16. This is the very easy driveable hole. Short par 4, just straight down. Waited for a long time for the front flight to clear because we could actually drive this green if we catch it. I did catch it, but it went straight right instead of drawing. Smack into the flower beds. Took a free drop, and hit a mediocre 60 degree to the right fringe. Chip was so-so, left me around 10 feet which I failed to convert for par. (+18). Hey, chip is not bad though.

Hole 17. Downhill par 3, and I semi-duffed my 8, so it hung on the front rough just missing the bunkers. Hit a very poor chip – but based on my chipping record for the day, I can’t complain much – I hit more good ones than bad ones. Had to settle for bogey. (+19)

Hole 18. OK – blasted my drive right next to the fairway bunker on the right, and actually hit a good 9 iron in from around 140m. It avoided the water, hugged the right but for some reason landed dead on the green instead of rolling forward. I had a long around 25 – 30 feet putt, which I lagged to around 4 feet. Should be a routine par, but I pulled my putt and unfortunately ended with a bogey. So I started the game with a three putt bogey and ended the day with a three putt bogey. Good symmetry. (+20)

Conclusion: At 92 gross on what should be an easy course is very disappointing. More so because those triple bogeys could so easily be avoided. I would like to lay blame on the slow-a$$ jokers in front of us, but to be fair, I should be managing my own game – slow players are part of the curse of this world, they will always be around till the end of time, so it’s just how we manage our game around these people…and frankly, I did a poor job of it. Better luck next round then.

The Return to Rahman

After a long layoff (so long in fact that I didn’t even realised that my club has issued new membership cards), I finally managed to get a very fast game into Rahman Putra, Championship (Lakes) course. The objective was really to get my chips/pitching more ready for actual play. I’ve been practicing in my garden but those are entirely different conditions. Rahman, with its cowgrass and tight lies around the green should indicate if any of my methods are actually working.

Hole 10: Teeing off at the harder back 9, I promptly hooked my drive into the water. Dropped, submarined my 3rd shot by 7 wood and with an approach shot of 110m, I hit my gap wedge much to short – and here comes the chip, and while I got good contact on it, I chipped it much too long and had to two-putt for double. (+2)

Hole 11: Hit a reasonable 5 wood which had a baby hook, but on the rough on the left, hit my 6 iron that flew the green bunker and trickled to around 8 feet of the hole. Sank the birdie! (+1)

Hole 12: 150+ meters up hill, I hit my 7-iron slightly short and had another chip to test. Hit a pretty good one with my gap, which landed just on the fringe but refused to move onto the green which would have been perfect. Two putt, bogey. (+2)

Hole 13: Easy par 4, just drive it, which I did. Landed around 70 meters from the green on the left with the ball sitting up in the rough. Now, for the testing pitch. 60 degree, inches away from being very good, but still an excellent contact which made me do a wardance of delight. Two putt for par (+2)

Hole 14: This is not an easy hole, but with my crooked drive, landed in the left bunker (I note that my drives are still hooking to the left a fair bit). With an 8-iron, I managed to hit a good bunker shot, which caught the trees on the right near the green and yes – another chip shot. And a good one at that, sank the par putt. (+2).

At this point I was feeling quite good about my chipping. There has been some pretty good contact and although these were not exceptional by any stretch of imagination, you need to understand where I was a few weeks earlier. I couldn’t even chip/pitch without feeling shaky all over, and skulling the damn ball all over the place.

Hole 15: Par 3, pretty easy one, I landed on the green but this time, three putted for bogey. Dang (+3)

Hole 16: The tough stretch begins. I boomed my best drive of the day  and had around 150m left to the green. My 8-iron fell woefully short and facing a chip I should be confident about, I duffed but contacted it, but it was poor – early indication I still suck. Two putted for bogey (+4)

Hole 17: Good, good drive to a tough tough hole. But skulled my 7-wood that just managed to cross the water, but  hung on the slope. I unfortunately shanked my 60 degree 3rd shot! It seems I am insisting to chip today. A chip that was poor (but still had contact), two putted for double (+6). Frustrating due to an excellent start position.

Hole 18: A poor topped drive but with 7-wood, managed to cross the water and left with 70 meters for my third. 60 degree was well hit to around 15 feet away from the hole. But, my first putt was too aggressive and the ball trickled down the green too fast…too far. Three-putted for bogey! (+7)

This 9 could have been much better, if I had putted properly. But then again, some of my chips were good as well, so it evened out.

Hole 1: The back 9 was bad because we ended up playing behind a MASSIVELY slow group. MASSIVELY. I hooked my drive into the woods on Hole 1, punched out, and half chipped/half pitched to the fringe, and two putted for bogey. (+8)

Hole 2: Tough par 3. I actually duffed my ball so badly it didn’t even reach the water! So for my second, my sand wedge dropped to around 15 feet, and two putted to escape with bogey! (+9)

Hole 3: Not a good drive, a bit of hooked left me slightly behind the small palm trees. But with a 5 wood hit well with natural hook, it left me on the fairway from around 120m to a downhill green. I should have hit this green with my eyes close but instead with my gap wedge I conjured a crap approach that drew too much and landed for a testing chip. A poor chip left me too much to do and managed a frustrating bogey. (+10). Seems like my chipping is going back to retardedness.

Hole 4: Another drive, another hook. But this time, with a lucky break as I have a window between the trees on the left. Pitching wedge on the green! And once more – 3 putted!! DANG (+11)

Hole 5: Hit my tee shot too short which left me with a somewhat difficult chip to a back pin. A mediocre chip which ran slightly too far to the back fringe and from there two putted for bogey. (+12). I have started my back 9 with 5 straight bogeys.

Hole 6: HOOK! Trickled down to the next hole’s rough, near the next hole’s bunker. Without any way out, I punched out and with a third shot from around 110m downhill, a sand wedge took me to around 10 feet from the hole and by some stroke of incredible luck, sank it for par (+12)

Hole 7: At least a straight drive this time. With around 150 to the hole, I hit my best 8-iron, perhaps of all time. You know you hit a perfect shot when the finishing is there, when the impact is there, when you feel a bit of buzz on the feedback from the shaft and the ball flight is perfect. On that shot itself, you feel – hell, this is a pro shot. The only difference is that the pros hit these shot 93% of the time. We hit these shots 7% of the time. Dropped to 8 feet and just missed my birdie and settled for par (+12)

Hole 8: The toughest hole. I topped my drive but still managed to find fairway, although an incredible distance away. A 7 wood took me to around 20 meters from green and pitching distance. Again, a very good pitch to a very difficult green. It left me on the fringe, and a slippery two putt for bogey (+13)

Hole 9: A good 5 wood  and 7 wood left me to around 110m to a very uphill green. Unfortunately I couldn’t close with a good approach shot, my pitching wedge leaving me to the right of the green. I want to end the day with a super chip, but instead skulled it and airmailed it to around 15 feet past the pin with an extremely fast, curvy downhill. Managed to negotiate the putt for a bogey finish. (+14)

Conclusion: It’s ok. I like where my chipping is heading. My driving is not heading in the same direction though but like I said, you can compensate for drives but not for short game. An 86 gross on the traditionally difficult Lakes of Rahman, after more than a year not playing the course is, to me, a fairly good score!

Desa Dungun Golf Club

Introduction

After what seems like FOREVER, we finally managed to play in a course that we have never set foot on and after such a long period, we finally have a review! Our last review was years ago.

We were here at Tanjung Jara during a quick family vacation, which also means an escape from the hustle bustle of screaming kids for a few hours and running over to the nearest golf course to hack a few holes in the shortest time possible. So anywhere I am headed, I do a quick search of the nearest golf course in the vicinity. (Un)fortunately, the closest we had was a course called Desa Dungun Golf Club (or Kelab Golf Desa Dungun, as it might be known), around 15 minutes away from where we were staying. I mean, why not? How bad can it be? So away we went, merrily after breakfast over a Saturday early morning.

Price (2/5)

You will notice that we have given up giving marks for travel. I mean when I started this blog more than 10 years back, there was no such thing as google map, Waze or whatnot. All we had were very cryptic maps over the internet, and guidance from the stars and wind to get to the golf course we were trying to find. However, over the years, these free GPS had basically rendered obsolete the problem of getting lost.

So now, we jump right into pricing.

Desa Dungun gives an initially attractive green fee – RM40 per person for a weekend rate. I don’t know about the weekdays. However, the buggy is RM60, so if you split two people, it becomes RM70 per person. If you are playing alone, you are paying RM100. That’s not so cool, when you realise that with Visa Infinite you can play Mines, Kota Permai, Glenmarie, Sungai Long, Tropicana and Palm Garden all within RM100 range. So really, if you are playing alone, you might want to forget about the buggy. But we won’t recommend it. Because in fact, with the buggy, it is the fastest mode of travel you will wish you have after playing a few holes on this course – you simply cannot wait to get your butt out of the course. So no, I don’t think the price is great. The fact that you will wish you had a buggy sort of makes it imperative for you to have one.

First thoughts

Remember the infamous TUDM course? The review brought so much comments (mostly negative, some vitrolic, and mostly from their own members who can’t seem to take criticism) that I had to sign up for a witness protection program for a while. A lot of TUDM golfers were pissed with what they presumed to be very disrespectful remarks about their beloved course. Unfortunately, call it as we see it. If I see a pile of turd, I am not going to call it Bak Kut Teh. And TUDM is the biggest pile of turd we have in Malaysia. Until, maybe, maybe now.

Are you serious? You remark. What could possibly be worse than the TUDM course? Well, if this doesn’t do it, then I am pretty sure it comes close.

Look, honestly, we wanted it to be good. We woke up 6.45 am for a drive down here, during our holidays. After putting my screaming kid to bed at 2 am and having hardly 3 hours of sleep. I prayed that it would at least be a reasonably golf course to sacrifice our precious sleep for. And you know – this club is the oldest club in Terengganu. So that has to count for something. I mean, RSGC style, maybe?

Rolling into the single story club house, RSGC style was immediately off the table and TUDM firmly back in.

Service (3/5)

The gentleman behind the counter was very efficient. He collected our cash, rolled up with a buggy and seem to be doing everything. And for that, we appreciate it. Other form of services, such as course maintenance, course marshal etc are all non-existent. In fact, the club is now using photostated copies of their score card, so technically they are using score papers. I find the staff quite friendly – and I think its the culture in these parts, the laid back, take it easy sort of style. Obviously we did not try any F&B or whatsoever, but you know, their buggy was actually very new and function very well (unlike the piece of crap you drive around in TUDM). This is already a plus point!

Fairways (0/5)

And now, the real review begins.

It’s hard to review the fairways.

Because there is none. No fairways. All you see is a land of sand, with tufts of grass screaming out for water. It’s, I would venture to add, the worst fairway we have ever experienced in the history of our golf experiments. In fact, we came to a point after the 3rd hole that we played ‘preferred lies’. Meaning, we can pick up our ball and search for any grass available and place carefully on the patched of chosen grass to play. I mean, you need to see it to believe it. Mostly we want to hit the ball in the thick rough instead of the fairway, beause at least, we have grass. This is serious, not a joke. This is the first golf course where fairways are actually PUNISHMENT for you.

So why isn’t it rated -1, like that travesty of a golf course TUDM? Because we played this stupid preferred lies, and you know, we started driving like PGA tour distance. Because the ground was so hard, it was like the ball would hit cement and roll and roll and roll and …. In fact, at one hole, my drive almost drove the green at 340 meters. No joke. I was left with around 50 meters left. Another one, my partner topped the ball, it whizzed past the ladies and rolled and rolled and rolled forever. He was left with a 120m shot to the hole. So, yes, the fairway is HOPELESS, but that’s not to say we detested it so much because we all became Dustin Johnson overnight.

The ground is so hard, it is impossible for plastic tees to penetrate on some holes. Unless you have a Bosch drill with you, you need to do what we did. We gathered up sand and soil and made a Laura Davies kind of dirt tee…i.e just placing our ball on top of a small mound of sand we need to design. Like sand castles. What. The. Flaming. Heck.

Greens (1/5)

No. It’s horrible. It’s similar to TUDM style. No greens are the same. Some greens have six different type of grass growing. Your ball will spend more time in the air bouncing like a pinball than on the green. We in fact came to a point that if the ball was in flagstick length, we would pick up the ball. Now, its not to say there is no redemption. Two or three greens were actually playable, so this is better than TUDM, but still, it’s a suffering akin to pulling off all your nostril hair at once.

Rough ( 1/5)

Aside from the course doubling up as a junkyard, the rough is also not great. Rubbish everywhere, plastic bottles strewn across some fairways, tumbleweed tumbling by, with an Irish Leprecaun cackling with delight at your stupidity of playing this course. Now, the sand is playable, hence the 1. The bunkers are a lot better than TUDM…Sorry, we need to run comparisons of these two courses due to both being in the East Coast and both chasing for the absolutely crap , worse course in Malaysia title. Additionally, because the fairways were so horrendous, it made the rough looked like the beautiful grass of Augusta. It’s like you see an ugly painting, and you put another painting which is basically cow crap splattered all over it in random fashion, immediately, the first painting looks like Van Gogh, right? Same same.

Aesthetics ( 0/5)

I don’t really recall anything about any hole in this course. It’s very flat. Very. There is hardly any undulation and they might try to advertise this as a ‘links’ styled course, but no, it’s anything but a links styled course. The only link you will find is the chain link fence near one hole that is basically torn down so that the neighbourhood can basically throw all their garbage in It’s more like a field where cattle generally will graze and they suddenly decide to create a golf course to reclaim the land. The cattle is obviously still grazing since all the grass on the fairway is GONE. Absolutely nothing to recommend. If they were to choose a signature hole for this course, I would select one of the many iguana holes that are being burrowed all over the course by these cute little lizards.

Fun Factor (0/5)

In one fairway, as I was preparing to hit my second shot, I heard my partner yelling, “Wait Stop! Car coming!”

I looked up, shocked, thinking he meant “CAR-T” as in Buggy cart, from the maintenance coming. No, he meant CAR. As in AN ACTUAL CAR that’s supposed to be on the road, and not on the golf course. It rumbled through our fairway, over our line of sight of the green and happily chugged to the hut nearby. You have heard of buggies, but you will now experience the fairway where cars are actually allowed.

We also have one hole (I think the 10th hole) which is literally right next to the main beach road where all the cars are zooming back and forth. You’d expect some netting to catch balls slicing out. But no the only boundary you have is a dilapidated wall that is about 5 feet high, effective to catch balls if a colony of termites decide to play golf. We were so afraid we will kill someone on the road that we aimed so far left, we played the other fairway on purpose. I mean we are all out of towners. If we killed someone, I am not sure what’s going to happen to us here.

And speaking of which, the entire design of the course is senseless. We end up making huge u-turns to the next tee box, or crossing other people’s fairways to reach another tee box. In more than 3 occasions, we were searching for the next tee box like a bunch of treasure hunters. It’s as if they created a golf course and then remembered golf courses had 18 holes, and not 15, and the other three holes are basically randomly plastered all over the place.

And maybe it’s the laid back culture here, but we were stuck behind groups that were so slow, I could actually feel my stubble regrowing again on my chin. And I am Chinese. This means, my stubble grows at the speed of 1/20 of normal people growing a stubble.

Did we have fun?

Let’s put it this way, we were very happy that we had a new-ish buggy to haul ass as quickly as possible.

The only positive I have out of this is that my chipping continues to improve. The last hole, I almost chipped in. And many other occasions, I am actually chipping properly. Obviously this has nothing to do with the golf course, but it still made me a slightly less grumpier human. Can’t wait to play golf on an actual golf course again.

Conclusion

Oooh boy. Look, if you are in the resort where we were, you don’t have much of a choice unless you have the whole morning to spare. We teed off around 8 and played speed golf and finished 10.30 am. It could have been less if we weren’t stuck behind a few groups. Unless you are willing to drive far, you can probably experience better courses out there. But as it is, this is the only golf course that’s near enough and if you play speed golf, you can finish it quickly and get back in time before the breakfast buffet concludes. Do we recommend this? Oh God, no. You are better off spending your time on the beach, or in the pool, or sleeping, or just siting down, watching the grass grow.

The good: The history of the club – at least you can say you played the oldest course in Terengganu, survived and lived to tell the tale. I mean, look, compared to the TUDM we reviewed years ago, this is better. So, I suppose that’s saying something that its NOT the worst course in Malaysia.

The bad: Fairways feel like you are playing golf in a desert; greens are hopeless, they are actually fairways quality in other courses; aesthetics is as beautiful as staring at a gibbon’s ass, and fun factor? Look, we need to be fair. If you weren’t rushing like us, or you hadn’t played Kota Permai, Mines, Tropicana etc and be spoilt brats like us in golf, you can probably work out a bit of fun here. Because the walk is leisurely since the course is so flat. And you know, it’s still near the beach and you can get a fairly good exercise in.

The skinny: 5 of 30 divots (16.6%). So, while it escaped the wonderful honour of being the worst course in Malaysia, its still firmly set in the absolutely crap course you will want to visit only as a novelty, like how you would like to see a guillotine work, but probably do not want to put your head under it. Take a buggy, zoom as fast as you can, play as fast as you can, and get back to wherever you come from and have breakfast.