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Worst Game but Yet…

serisel

Golf is strange.

This is the final conclusive statement that every golfer, whether hacker, amateur, buaya, professional or Tiger Woods will agree to.

I had my worst game this week – a 99 in my old haunt Seri Selangor. You would think that I would be hoping mad over the game but only – I thought I hit some of the best shots of my life in that game, coupled with some of the most retarded short game and putting ever experienced.

1) We teed off at Seri Selangor back nine first. It’s always better, because the back 9 of Seri Selangor is narrow like Kate Moss, although not as flat as her. So once you have warmed up, you can really drive like a King once you cross over. At least that’s how I prefer it.

2) I shot 49-50. Which is really weird, because I played really well on the back 9. I can probably hear some guffaws, but the stats is there – I drove as well as I could and the only two bad drives I had which ended up left was on 4th and 6th, both of which I put regulation on.

3) The front 9 (Hole 10 – 18 here) was just a massive cock up of epic proportions, especially when I started teeing off with my stupid 3 wood on the 16th and 17th. For 18th, my drive found me around 190 meters away from the hole (where the pole was, for those who know Seri Selangor). It’s a par 5 that all of us invariably tries to two on but messes up 99% of the time. This time around, I wanted to just land in front of the green, so I hit my 7 wood. Honestly, it was probably my best 7 wood shot of my entire life, because it went high and long, with a slight draw, and landed on the front of the green and rolled all the way to the back fringe, around 15 feet from the hole. Eagle? Yes, guess what – hello retarded 3 putt!!

4) The cock ups after great shots continued in the back 9. First hole, great tee shot, lousy 9 iron behind the bunker and flop right into the bunker. 3rd hole lousy first shot into the water, great 3rd tee to 5 feet and a wonderful retarded putt that misses for bogey. 4th hole great 6 iron recovery from the woods for regulation and three putted AGAIN. 5th hole, a booming drive that left me around 170m to green on a par 5 and instead of hitting a six iron, I opted my 7 wood which hooked into the water. HELLO!!

5) By far the worst was the 6th hole. I ended up in the woods with a very tiny opening which I hit my 3 wood second shot, probably the best 3 wood I hit. It landed around 10 meters from the green, but required a flop shot, which I deftly executed with the best 60 degree shot I’ve hit in my life to 3 feet from the hole. Birdie? Nope. 2 putt. From 3 feet. HELLO?!?!

6) After that, the entire will to live on left me and I just plugged around the final 3 holes with double bogeys on each, without any more resistance to the cruelty of crap shots after crap shots in my game.

I suppose the take away is this – that I *can* hit some amazingly super shots in my golf, but continuously following up with some of the most stupid shots immediately after. I suppose there’s still some positive there.

Hack ON!

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Astro, you are Stupid.

astrostupid

Yes. I am looking at you, ASTRO, you sorry piece of junk company owned by a guy who had been extorted money to bail out a big company, and in return passing the damn buck down to golfers, who are, as you assume, the lowest scums of the earth. Because you just took away Golf Channel from your sports package and demanding RM10 per month extra for something that you have agreed to give but now retracted. Oh how we so hate your company right now and the utter evil it represents.

ASTRO – I will just leave the legal, formal and polite complaints about you to our lawyer golfers, and resort to what Gilagolf does best – ranting like a mad man.

By the way, I’ve lodged a formal complaint against you and your kind at https://aduan.skmm.gov.my/eaduan_c/edaftar.cfm (and hopefully everyone reading this blog will do likewise) although the chances of them replying or even actioning against you is somewhat slim – seeing how important your owner has become in this country, what with bailing out the Big Boss and all. I would rank it as probable as sperm surviving more than 3 days in an anus (we all know that sperm can definitely survive in an arse for 2 days, but you cannot take a crap or wash it or even go for a bath, which is very difficult to do, but some people can do it, good on them). Well who knows, maybe there is an honourable soul in SKMM who will DO THE RIGHT THING.

So anyway, ASTRO, back to you. Having had experienced with your support staff, I will just list down the answers I know you will probably give if I were to call and lodge a complaint. I have already been informed by close friends who had worked in or with your company that your support staff mainly consists of apes. So there’s obvious leeway that I will give here, but then again, I am seriously more pissed off than I was before, when you refused to upgrade my package to HD even after billing me, until I threatened to call the SPCA on you and exposing the truth about your support’s species.

Here are a few of your standard response and my counter-response:

1) It’s in the contract that ASTRO can change our services anytime, and remove channels that we consider offensive, useless, degrading, or simply as stupid as a bunch of guys trying to put a white ball into a hole 400 meters away. – Yes, but fineprinting it in a font that requires a nano-microscope to read is not fair. Very few of us are micro-biologists who can own such an equipment.

2) You signed it and you agreed, so yeah, here’s a big F-you in the face. – OK, but what about ethical standards? Say, if I were to pay you monthly to wash my car and we agreed, wouldn’t I assume that the standards we have agreed on should be the same if the price is not changed? Would you suddenly revert to washing my car with dogshit just because you feel like it? Would your ‘wash’ expectation be the same as mine?

3) That’s stupid, Gilagolf. Of course not. How would dogshit make your car cleaner? – So likewise, I signed up for Sports package that consisted of Golf. Now you take it away, how can I consider it as a Sports package?

4) What? What about football, netball, hockey, WWE and all that? – What if I don’t watch any of those horseshit and I don’t consider them sports? Wouldn’t my expectation of ‘sports’ be different from yours? How can you make the assumption that Golf is not ‘sports’ and therefore cannot be included in your sports package?

5) This is going nowhere. Can you just get to the damn point? – The Damn point, Astro, is that either I want a cheaper sports package because it doesn’t have the sport that we all agreed on in the first place, or you to reinstate golf back into the package – at least for current subscribers.

6) Nope. That’s not gonna happen. We need the money, what with us losing 2 billion and all. – Why golf? Why can’t you torment all the housewives by removing the Korean drama channel? It’s just a bunch of men and women who look alike crying all the freaking time!

7) Obviously, Korean drama is something that is being watched by housewives during their hair dye sessions in their home. Housewives are already messed up with GST and their tailors extorting money from them, how can we be so inhumane to take away their channels? Come on, Gilagolf, have a heart! Besides, since Tiger has quit golf, nobody gives a shit about your stupid sport anymore  – OK, that Tiger argument is reasonable good point. But I am still pissed. I am just going to lodge a formal complaint against your company and its black heart dealing in this. You can’t just change like this without consultation or compensation. It’s unethical.

8) Ethics? Ethics are for losers. ASTRO’s motto is ‘Ethics is the sure way to hell. Corruption is the highway to heaven.” Look – it’s in the contract that we can change anytime. If you don’t like us, go screw yourself, because we have no competitors. The alternatives are those bunch of losers and wankers at HyppTV or ABNXcess. They are like a trishaw and a cart pulled by a diseased monkey compared to our Ferrari. Good luck watching your golf from Loserville, we can afford to lose all our golf viewers and we wouldn’t even lose a single second of sleep because we are so RICH. This is also why our channels never work when it rains and we know everyone is at home trying to watch their miserable ASTRO shows. This is because we are using satellite dishes that are actually cobbled from actual metal dishes that we found in a Russian landfill in 1962 in Khazakstan. These were the actual plates and dishes used by their peasants to eat their food from! HA! We just like being a$$holes to all of you just because we can!!- I hate your evilness, ASTRO! What other devious and dastardly stunts are you going to pull after this? Now that you have set your precedence will you also force those wannabe footballers to pay for their BPL?

9) It’s obviously in the works. Those are the second bunch of losers next to golfers. It’s just because we know you have no alternatives because we are so mysteriously protected by some unknown force, and so secretly blessed by some unknown persons, that we can treat you slightly better than how we treat our catshit but not as well as we treat our cats. You guys are bums. Live with it, and take a hike if you don’t like ASTRO, because we have a bunch of housewives willing to pay RM1,200 for us every month subscription. Life is REALLY good for us now.

Screw you, ASTRO. You are STUPID.

MUAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA <Support staff hangs up>.

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I am the King of Self Sabotage

impian201503

One of my resolutions: to break 90 on average. My outing in Impian Golf and Country could have really turned out to be one of the best games I’ve had ever, especially the back nine. However, I am the king of self sabotage.

I started the day quite badly, my recent hot driver turned out to be a piece of crap after all as my familiar duck hooks and push far right shots started to come back. It was as if that driving streak I had in Bangi was a distant dream. So – if the driver start to suck, something else needs to come in play. Even when I drove ok, on the first hole for instance, my approach was just horrendous. Chunk, fat, thin etc. Only after I hit my par on the sixth hole that I started playing well. The double bogey on the eight was a self sabotage, I was trying to drive across the river, which required about a 250 meter carry. I just thought I was good. I was not. But after that, the back nine, I was +1 over 5 holes. But on the par 5 5th, I missed a 3 foot for birdie and from there, everything sort of crashed down. I needed a bogey to get to 89 in the final hole and I double bogeyed after a 3 putt. I 3 putted twice on the last 3 holes that cost me the sub-90 round.

As for the course – Impian is in good conditions, but the greens are really bamboozling. I really cannot putt well there. Ah well.