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A Famosa Golf Resort – Rockies & Palm

Introduction

Finally, A Famosa. I’ve played there several times actually, but for some dang reason, never got down to writing a review about it. I don’t know why…it has always been one of the better experiences that I’ve had, and in early November, a gila band went over to this Melaka course to hack and review. This is the story.

Travel ( 3/5)

Among all the Melaka courses, A Famosa is one of the most accessible ones. I am obviously extremely biased to the northern folks like me who have to travel south into Melaka. For the Johor flers and Singaporeans, well, you’ll need to drive up further, because A Famosa is right near the border of Negeri Sembilan and Melaka, making it only about 1 and a half hour away…it’s like traveling to Lembah Beringin and back. In fact, it’s about 30 plus km away from Air Keroh, that houses the other 3 courses in Melaka. So, all in all, A Famosa is definitely favoured.

Coming from KL, it’s extremely easy to access. It’s the golf course right next to the highway, and travelers en route to Singapore will often look wistfully at the course from the north south highway, wishing for a one day stop before being corralled by the wife in the maze of Singapore shopping centres.

Exit at the Simpang Empat turnoff, or it does say A-Famosa, so go for it. Once off the toll, take a left and then another left at Jalan Kamus, after the petrol station. Then just go all the way, under the highway and look out for a sign that says A-Famosa. There you have it, you’ve reached it.

Price ( 2/5)

Price wise, we had a bit of promotion. I bought a bunch of vouchers from the MATTA fair that came with a villa for us to stay (more on that later). With the promotion, it was RM20 for the green fee. But wait for it, RM90 for the buggy. Yikes! So it’s RM45 + RM20, and RM30 for the caddie, shared. So per person, on a week day, we paid RM80. Plus tips of RM15 per pax, it came up to about RM95 total.

I only paid RM40 with voucher for Tiara Melaka and the experience was about the same.

A-Famosa’s price is definitely not cheap, but is it worth it? We’ll see.

First thoughts

A Famosa is famous for another thing: Crocodiles. In Malay, it’s called ‘Buaya’. It’s also a slang in golf. To call someone a Buaya is to call him a Hustler. Golfers are a strange lot. There are some who gives the impression that they play worse than your grandmother, and then fishes you a few holes until you up the stake to take advantage of this grandmother, and he finishes you off from there. Buayas always leave it to subtlety…they will beat you by a stroke, or by making an impossible shot, but they will Always. Beat. You.

So anyways, those are the human buayas. A Famosa actually houses a bunch of crocodiles on Hole 7, Crocodile Nine. In fact, it became infamous when a story circulated around that one of the golfers was suing A Famosa after being attacked by a croc. As you can imagine, to all Crocodile Dundee Fans, this was a boon to us, so when I made my way there (not this time, my previous time) I expected to have alligator meat for dinner.

True there are crocs there, but they are all in a deep enclosure just beyond the green, and there was no one on earth a croc could escape unless it flew. Yet, according to the report here: http://www.mmail.com.my/content/30648-crocodile-attack-victim-im-happy-be-alive, this man was assaulted by one of the man eating crocodiles. I don’t know how it is possible, but as a golfer to a golfer, we are more than happy to take money from golf clubs…and RM43k can certainly buy you a lot of golf clubs and games! And it’s pretty obvious from the picture, that Hong (the victim) is still playing golf, judging by his clothes (he probably just finished a round) and by the unnatural darkness of our natural Chinese yellow skin.

Whether what really happened was true or not, I’ll need to commend Hong for the herculean feat of ‘prying’ the crocodile’s mouth open with his hands. I don’t think it’s a croc, because a Croc’s bite force is 83% of the bite force of a full grown Tyranasaurous Rex. If Hong can escape from 2 tons of bite force, he is Super-Man. But an Alligator is still half the bite force of a croc, at 2000 pounds-force, which is roughly 7 times the bite force of a full grown, crazy, rabid Rottweiler Hound. Hong is Cicak Man, definitely. He must be driving the ball 400 meters of something.

Anyway, congratulations to Hong for the win in court settlement…we’ll see if A Famosa suffered for losing RM40K by not maintaining their course.

Service ( 2/5)

The problem in many cases for Malaysian golf is simply this: Our service SUCK. There’s no two ways about it. First, finding the villa was crazy. We thought we need to register at the villa right? So we drove around looking for signs to lead us, and found none. We asked a guard, he said register at the clubhouse. We drive all the way back (in a convoy mind you), and the club house says, no, you go to the villa and register. I mean, who trains these guys?

Caddies? Sigh. I love Melaka, but their caddies in all the clubs are just crazy useless. First, we were forced to take two caddies per flight. TWO! WHY?? Why force us when we don’t want?? If they were good, we won’t mind. The tubby one we got was functional, but her reading was completely off. It was just ridiculously bad. After a few times, we gave up and just asked her to clean the clubs. The other caddy was even worse. She must think she was very desirable, because all she did was complain, about us getting her to go back and fetch clubs, or look for ball etc…the fact was she had looks of a mongoose and we were this close to clubbing her and dumping her body into a bunker.

Why do we pay for these hopeless caddies? Is it to recover back the RM40K that Hong won? Can you share the winnings, Hong?

Fairways ( 2/5)

For the price we paid, the fairways were not in a good shape. In some parts, especially the par 5 4th, the baldness of the fairway was very obvious and compared to Tiara Melaka, which had a mat like fairway that day, this was just an insult.  Justifiably, some fairways were still ok, but not good enough to get out of a pathetic 2/5divots.

Greens ( 3/5)

Our games in Melaka started at Tiara Melaka: Super fast greens. Then Orna: OK greens. A Famosa: SUPER SLOW. I don’t know why. I’d like to think it’s because of the morning dew. Or maybe we didn’t really eat breakfast, but throughout the game, it was just slow slow slow. It’s not a bad thing in itself, no, but the condition of the greens were also mediocre, so we’re giving it an ok rating here.

Rough ( 2/5)

The rough wasn’t really kept properly. An unnatural amount of leaves seemed to have descended upon the entire course, and especially the back nine we played on, was spent simply looking for balls that meandered just a little bit off line. Bunkers were the normal Malaysian style, hard packed bunkers…the ones you used either your PW or your LW to whack out, instead of your sand-wedge.

Aesthetics ( 4/5)

If there’s one thing that Hong didn’t take away from A-Famosa with the 40K, it’s the looks. Crocodile nine was unfortunately closed, so we ended up playing on the Rockies and also the Palm. We kicked it off at the Palm and immediately faced with the daunting task of water left, bunkers right. It’s a tough tee off for sure, and with the adjacent 9 hole green, flights teeing up on the other nine would be scrutinized closely at their tee off by busybody putters on the ninth. The palm course is actually very pretty. It’s a pity my game was not. After tripling the relatively easy 11th by losing my ball, I parred the elevated 12th hole and then descended into such darkness that I have never seen before. 13th, 14th and 15th went by in a blur as I dumped into water on the picturesque and challenging 13th, where a good drive requires a ballsy 2nd shot into a green fronted by water; I continued to mess up 14th when a pitch out went into the woods, and messed up the 15th with some amazingly retarded display of a golf swing. I didn’t really get to enjoy the scenery but the par 5 17th is worth a look. A good drive over the hill and you see a tempting elevated green just opening up for you to try it on. If you slice it, you’ll be out in the open road, you pull it, and the heavy rough and trees on the left will swallow it. Certainly an interesting hole.

The last hole in the palm course is a hooker’s nightmare, reminiscent of hole 1. The approach to the green narrows down like a constipated colon, with greenside bunkers waiting impatiently for you to deposit one in, left, right, back.

The Rockies Nine starts with a dangerous par 4. If you drive too long, it rolls down into a meandering drain that splits the fairway. But I don’t think it warrants an index 1 rating, it’s not too tough. I blasted a good one, right to the edge, and an 8 iron in to set up my par. The 2nd hole is a tough par 3, elevated to about 180 meters. The par 5 4th is the one you see from the north south highway, and it’s just long. It’s like the evil twin of the par 5 17th (in fact, both come to you at 524 meters!), and almost set up the same…a drive over the hill, and from there a good look down to a generous fairway and to an accessible green. It’s also a picturesque hole on the course, with nice villas next to it, no doubt collecting wild golf balls every day in their back yard.

The index 3 5th should be the index 1. It’s just an horrifying looking hole, similar to 1 and 9 on Palm, but with an even thinner slip of fairway. Here was where I was sunk, after playing only +1 over 7 holes, I dipped into the water enroute to a double.

The final hole is a fitting end, a drive over a pond and to a very steep uphill green. It’s a tough hole to end, but still a very satisfying golf course. Now if only we can get rid of the annoying caddies.

Fun Factor ( 4/5)

No matter the lousy service or retarded pricing, A Famosa is fun to play. The course set up isn’t extremely excruciating, and it has enough character in every hole to keep things interesting. The undulating fairways aren’t unfamiliar to us, having played Orna the day before, but it has enough elevation in different holes to keep things interesting.

The front nine on palm was nightmarish for me however, but I was just in awe at a good friend of mine who switched to an R11, and completely obliterated the crap out of his golf balls. As in, hole 15, 393 meters, UPHILL, across a pond. He blasted it, cut the pond and get this, the ball was 90 meters away from the green. My good drive still had 160 or so to go. The next hole, he created a hole in the space time continuum after ripping apart his golf ball to—honestly, I was checking the distance markers—the 200 marker, on the 520meter par 5. I mean, he knocked it past the huge ROCK. I don’t know, A Famosa members, it’s awful far. I’m getting that for Christmas. Not the rock. The driver.

I suppose due to the undulations, depending on where the ball lands, it can probably add another couple of tens of meters forward, but you still can’t take away a good drive. For some reason, he drove like a Maserati but putt-putt-putted on the green like a Proton. So overall, it all balanced out.

Myself, the streakiness continues. +13 over first 6 holes. +1 over the next 7. I am just playing horrible in my first 5 holes for the past few games. Then I would inexplicably streak off 3 or more pars in the row before descending into the world of crap golf again. Sigh.

Conclusion

A famosa, with 3 nice nines is definitely worth a go. Palm is slightly prettier in my opinion but hookers will struggle a little, as evidenced in my hooking game. Both nines are reasonably open, and the Crocodile has the novelty of playing with the crocs, I’m sure every golfer will want to have a go with that. Distance wise, it’s not too bad…if you’re thinking of going to that devil of a course Seremban 3 Paradise Valley, I’d advice to suck it up and spend a few more minutes on the highway to head over to A Famosa. The service and caddy (unfortunately a normality in Malaysia) is still as good as a POW camp, and the price is still an evidence of the complete misdirection of their management; but overall A Famosa is a reasonably good bet for enjoyable golf. Now, if only they would also pay me RM40K for writing a nice review for them.

The good: Nearest of all the Melaka courses to KL; located right next to the highway is a good point; nice food around Seremban on the way back (this suddenly came to mind and became a very important factor); the course setup is interesting enough; Crocodile novelty for those who have never putted next to a real croc before.

The bad: Pricing is not very attractive, especially when you force buggies and unattractive, lazy caddies onto the flight; the services, while not abysmal, isn’t what you would expect from a quality golf club; the course condition wasn’t spectacular either; nice aesthetics; crocodile can bite your leg. Unless you are the Cicak Man. Then it becomes a good thing.

The skinny: 22 of 40 divots (55.0%). A Famosa could have been a lot better in the gila ranks, as it is, they just scrape in as a Not Too Shabby course, with plenty of room for improvement. I’d say go for it, but if price isn’t your thing, might just want to head to Tiara Melaka.

A Famosa ScoreCard

A Famosa Information

Address:

Jalan Kemus, Simpang empat,

78000 Alor Gajah, Melaka, Malaysia

Contact: +606-552 0888

Fax: NA

Website: http://afamosa.com

Email: customerservice@afamosa.com

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Is Golf Back in the Stone Age?

Quite possibly.

Golf is undergoing an amazing transformation, or regression, from a game that many people are picking up and appealing to the newer generation back to the prissy gentlemen game with as much character as a piece of styrofoam ball. The ones you put in bean bags.

In fact, I don’t even know who won the stupid Fedex cup until just now when I googled it. 10 million. Apparently it went down the wire for Hunter Mahan, one of our Golf Boyz, but he choked (again) and a guy by the name of Bill Haas took the Fedex cup.

One. Big. Yawn.

I really hate to say it, and I might be the only one who feels this: but isn’t golf becoming more and more dreary to watch? Now, the world no 1 is Luke Donald. Nothing against that guy, but FOR SAKES, THIS GUY HAS NOT EVEN WON A FREAKING MAJOR!!! Vs a guy with 14 majors and like 97 professional wins? He even has a wiki dedicated to his wins.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_career_achievements_by_Tiger_Woods

Before anyone shoots me again for being a rabid Tiger fan, here’s the thing: I love the game. You can see it from the way I write; and though my scores continually suck, I continually play the game….and frankly, without Tiger in the mix, it is just a torture to watch golf tournaments. In fact, I prefer watching the LPGA these days.

So until the President’s cup (or the Australian tournament with Tiger in it), and until the stupid NBA sort itself out, we’re left with only Football (and for some the rugby world cup, which is as confusing to me as reading Sanskrit):

1) Liverpool’s resurgence

I am not a pure Liverpool fan…I am by default since I am a Juventus fan, and serie A games are shown less, or either very early in the morning (AC vs Juve at 2 am!!). Liverpool just beat Everton 2-0, but seriously, they were quite crap until Gerrard came in. Gerrard is like 3 million times better than the next best Liverpudlian, who is probably Suarez, or Kenny Dalglish when he plays. But somehow they are still winning, but doubt they can challenge the Manchester teams and Chelsea.

2) Juve is top of the table. This has not happened since the Romans crossed the Rubicon. Savor it Juventini!

3) Messi

Anyone watching football has to be crazy to not like this fler. He’s scoring goals like playstation and it’s totally amazing to watch him….and he’s tiny! The question people ask is what if he played in England, with defenders who prefer to hack him down than to watch? It’s a debate that Ronaldo is actually a better player because he can excel in any league, where as Messi is Messi because he’s in the Spanish League. Anyway, who cares. He’s crazy good.

4) Tevez

Is he that good that he’s worth all the hoopla around him? I prefer Kun Aguero. BTW, I’m always a bit amazed at how they allow him to have his nickname on the back of his shirt. He’s named Kun because he resembles the character Kum Kum, which was his favourite tv series as a kid. (They have Japanese Anime in Argentina!)

Um, which part? Black hair, black eyes? Or just because he has his hands behind his head?

Man, some days, I wish Tiger would just come back and give us something more to write.

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There’s something about Kajang Hill

I know it sounds a little presumptuous to say that there are courses that “doesn’t quite fit our eye.” That expression was made famous by a dude called Martin Kaymer when describing the hallowed Augusta, drawing universal derision from all sectors, including his own mother. Augusta doesn’t fit the eye?? It’s like a full blooded male saying, “Scarlett Johansson  doesn’t really fit my eye. I think Caesar from the Planet of the Apes is heck prettier.” But you know, whatever Martin’s inclination is, that’s personal. The fact is, he has the right to say those things because, ummm, he’s good. He’s not great, but he’s a lot better than me or my respected readers…no offense.

Where as for us, Hackers, to say something doesn’t fit the eye is even more ridiculous, because (speaking for myself), I suck at this game. I don’t have a consistent swing or a predictable ball flight, or even a guarantee that I would be able to hit the dang ball…there is no way a course set up has any inkling to my game, because at times it flies left, at times it flies right, at times it doesnt make past the red tees.

But if I were to say a course that doesn’t ‘fit my cock-eye’, it’d be Kajang Hill. I don’t know what about it…I just suck more than usual playing this course!

We teed up on the first nine and I actually played very well…aside from starting the 3 holes like a monkey, I know why: The first hole, a good drive saw my ball plugged into the rough. Playing competition, no way I could get it out. Double. Second hole, pull near the trees. Instead of being in the bunker or at least on the ground…it was literally perched on the roots! It took 3 shots to get out!

The back nine…Oh gosh. I was 11 over 4 holes. I OB-ed the first 3 holes with massive pulls, and almost OB-ed the fourth when my ball was stuck under the ledge in a bunker. WHAT THE…after that, I played good golf, but my gosh, what a string of lousy first 3 holes in my nines!

And this is not the first time. Previous adventures in Kajang Hill yielded the same result…white tee, blue tee no difference. Blue I struggle with the length. White, I struggle with the accuracy, constantly blasting my ball over the fairway OB.

I’m not saying Kajang Hill sucks. It doesn’t…but it’s slowly degrading since nobody bothers about maitenance. It’s closing down end of this year due to housing development I believe. What a crap-shoot. I need to play one more time here to redeem my pride!

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A letter to Samsung: SAMSUNG SUCKS

Wordle: Samsung sucks

Note: In response to my email, Samsung immediately responded and waived the maintenance fee and bumped my fridge up from a ‘couple of days’ to ‘fixed immediately’ with spare parts. It shows two things;

1) Samsung has the right culture to know when they messed up and now did what they can to rectify it, and to improve customer experience. It takes a big company to say, “Look, we messed up, here’s what we can do to fix it.” Of course, if they have thrown in a galaxy tab as well, I’d be a crazy Samsung fan for the rest of my life, as of now, I’m not so pissed off anymore and at least I have back my beloved fridge so I can eat my ice-cream.

2) There is power in the pen. Learning how to write strong complain letters is one way to fight back against perceived injustice…but it takes a good company who appreciates customers to respond to it, and Samsung is one of it. Examples of HORRIBLE companies who treat their customers a little lower than cat-shit because they think we’re cheapskates who suck: Malaysian Airlines, AirAsia, Fireflyz. Basically, Malaysian companies. No wonder we’re stuck in third world service, with first world infra…..

**END NOTE**

Dear Samsung,
My samsung RT72SBSM fridge stopped working after only about 2 years. It took Samsung 4 days to get back to us on support, and now we need to wait for another 5-6 days before it can be fixed. According to the support personnel, you have no ‘spare parts’. Please note, most of my meat is spoilt and my kitchen has been turned upside down due to this incident.

I am writing in an official complaint to the lady dealing my case on 21 September 2011, at 7:43 pm call, in Selangor, Malaysia. When queried as to why after 2 years the fridge is broken, and overall costing me more than RM350 to fix it, she retorted, “I don’t know what our lifetime of our fridges are.” in a highly rude and condescending manner.We do not appreciate that because of Samsung, our meat and food are SPOILT, our house has no fridge for 10+ days.

Samsung SHOULD know the lifetime of their fridges, and if it cannot even last 2 years, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR PRODUCT! You cannot release your accountability to make good products by retorting to customers, “We don’t know what our lifetime of fridges are.” This is an ignorant and completely unprofessional way to respond to a customer, demonstrating the lack of training Samsung support has in terms of customer dealing. I am shocked as such laissez-faire attitude and hope that somehow, samsung can find ways to improve their product support, starting with hiring and training correct people to do the job.

I am terribly disappointed with the fridge, and I am sorry to add that I shall NEVER purchase a SAMSUNG product in my life, and I will likewise recommend everyone to not buy anything branded SAMSUNG.

Your abject product is compounded with shockingly irresponsible support personnel on the ground.I would rather recommend people to go ahead and have their throats ripped off by a pack of hungry Rottweilers than to use anything that sounds remotely like this HORRENDOUS brand. Samsung, please do not make anymore household appliances because you clearly have no idea what you are doing and it’s plain to see even my pet Terrier has more brains than all your R&D staff combined in your sorry piece of crap company.

* Note, the last paragraph was not included in the actual letter to Samsung.

** To other Gilagolfers, sorry, just a rant. Need to put up Anti-Samsung for the search engines! Remember, Samsung sucks! Now, back to GOLF!

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A True Hacker

Since the launch of Gilastats a few weeks ago, we have 37 players registered. I always kinda felt with the limited game I am having, I’d be somewhere down the middle…not so great as to shoot consistent birdies, not so bad as to have my family disown me for destroying this beautiful game of golf.

And among 37 guys on the gilastats ‘tour’ I’m split down the middle on all the 8 main statistics! First time I’m seeing that I’m a hacker for all. For those wondering, the eight main stats are ranked according to the following:

Anyone interested, click on the gilastats button on the menu, or go here and sign up.

Happy Hacking!

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Golf more addictive than Cocaine


Or so many of us who have never taken cocaine would think.

It has been debated for years, since the inception of this peculiar game of chopping down acres of pristine forests and beautiful woodlands to make a course where the only purpose is to put a ball in a hole using a stick. In the medieval times, the king of Scotland banned the game because archers were skipping practice to defend themselves against England, to play this wretched game. It has become so prevalent and despised by non-golfers that the term ‘golf widow’ has been incorporated into the Oxford dictionary.

In the history of sports, two games stand above the rest: Football (I mean the real Football, not the American kind) evokes passion. Golf evokes addiction. The difference between golf and football is simple. Football is a spectator sport. 99% of those jokers you hear talking about their Liverpools, Juventus, Manchester Uniteds and what-not like they are the club’s ambassadors–they don’t PLAY football. Or they can’t. Due to their retarded kicking ability, or their asthmatic disposition or just the fact that their leg-eye coordination resembles an African gibbon trying to hump a black mamba. I’m including myself in those categories, so please don’t get too upset. If you are crazy about the premier league, chances are you play football as well as I do: on the playstation. And that too against my terrier, who can’t hold the gamepad and who is constantly concerned with his bollocks.

Golf is another matter. The whole problem with golf is that it’s not a spectator sport at all. And that’s why I think it’s a huge mistake to include golf into the 2016 Olympics. I mean, it’s such a BORING sport to watch, seriously. Except for Tiger, no one else is worth our time, and you’re better off growing petunias in the backyard to pass time. Golf is a player sport. I.e anyone can pick it up. There’s no barriers to entry at all. There used to be, such as expensive green fees and expensive golf clubs. Anyone that uses those excuses are obviously anti-golf activitists who deserves to be strung up at the 100 meter marker at your driving range. Golf is getting cheaper and cheaper, and with that, everyone, from your asthmatic cousin to the African gibbon humping a black mamba, can pick it up. They might still suck at it, but they know they are probably in the majority of golfers out there, who whiff, duff, top, dig their way to a 120 score.

And golf is a lot more addictive. Non-golfers will never see it because it’s not something that hooks you in by the passion or by the watching, like football. It’s by the playing. It’s like the proverbial skeptic, criticising golf while whiffing, digging and duffing his 7-iron on the range, and suddenly hits a pure shot and is immediately hooked because of two simple words: I CAN.

The concept of I CAN is the key to golf’s addiction. I know hundreds of articles have been written to explain why golf is so addictive. Business, challenge, competition blah blah blah. But nothing matters more than the I CAN philosophy. This is an all encompassing obsession that is within the human mind since the beginning of time, the promise of possibilities. For beginners shooting 120, they remember that pure 8 iron into the green on a the par 3 to set up their only Birdie amidst a trail of destruction of sextuple bogeys. For intermediate hackers, they recall the miracle 3 wood fade from 200 meters that lands soft onto an elevated index 1 green. For the experts, it could be the snaking 40 foot putt across a contoured green. And they live for those moments. And they come back again and again to get that high: from a birdie putt, a 250 meter drive,a perfect 5-iron, a bunker shot into the hole: the exhiliaration is simply unexplainable. And unlike other sport, it’s available to every lay man who plays golf…fat, thin, short, tall, famous, criminals etc. It is the only sport that has the ability to replace other addictions like coke, alcohol,drugs etc. Ask Alice Cooper. You can learn more about the intricacies of addiction through courses available from online universities.

Wall Street Journal wrote an interesting piece here.

Golf addicts find themselves thinking about the previous game and the next game, they spend hours practicing like zombies on the range. History Channel attributed the golf swing as the closest in form and practice to the ancient samurai swordplay, inbuing muscle memories with moves and the mental state of the swordsman: swinging a sword to lop of the head of your enemy in some ways represent the same mental process as bashing your ball 230m down the fairway with your driver.

We are the future generation of samurais, my friends.

Happy Hacking for what’s left of 2011!

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Puasa Gilanalysis 26 – 33

Due to the puasa month, it was perhaps the most golf I’ve managed to played in years, including two tournaments, which I didn’t do too well. Here we go:

Gilanalysis 26: Rahman Putra

I hardly have any good outings in a course that I have been playing since 2005, and in all my games in the championship course, I don’t recall anytime that I broke a 90. Again, it was not to be, but having played an iffy front nine filled with bogeys, the back nine of 44 was a welcome sight.

Gilanalysis 27: Impian

It’s annoying when the game doesn’t come together after a good outing. I started very badly on the back nine, thanks to atrocious putting, which plagued me the entire game, with six three putted greens and 3-4 feet misses at least on 3 occasions. The course was great, the game was a wreck, even 5 pars couldn’t save it.

Gilanalysis 28: Danau

The mallet putter came back in play and was immediately proficient in Danau’s undulating greens, with just 30 putts. Played Danau’s familiar and easier back nine without any major issues, but the front nine was horrible. The first hole itself was a lost cause, with two balls into the drink. The second hole was perhaps the finest par I have, having landed my drive down into the valley of death on the right, and a SW onto the green.

Gilanalysis 29: Glenmarie Valley

Took Advantage of the great pricing at Glenmarie at RM80, and played the valley, where previous score had soared to 102. Teed off the back nine and had complete possession of my game, shooting in 43. For some unknown reason, that possession turned into crapnut on the front, having had my sandy par on the first, proceeded to play like a monkey on weed, shooting +10 in the next 4 holes, before steeling with a lucky 300m drive on the index 1 8th hole, skulling my SW which luckily got caught inches away from the water and parring it. +10 over 4 holes? YUCK.

Gilanalysis 30: Glenmarie Garden

Tournament play, but from the white tees, which really brings up the reality that no matter which tee we use, we will still suck regardless. Due to the white tees, a lot of hazards came into play but it was just a breakdown in the second nine, especially on the easy first, where two shanks led to a triple. On the Index 13, was left with an 8 iron after a great drive, and shank the devil out of it into OB. It’s true that once you shank once, you never really recover from it. I shanked 4 times in the back nine which is the golf equivalent to strapping yourself with TNT and jumping off a rocky cliff into a shark infested boiling water.

Gilanalysis 31: KGNS

The next tournament wasn’t that bad, even though the scores are about the same. At least there were no shanking involved. KGNS and I never really agree on any matter, and that might change, as I might be getting a membership there by the end of the year if all things go ok. It was a shotgun start, so I kicked it off at the par 3 fourth, promptly double bogeying my first two holes with some sorry putting, then steadied somewhat. It all came apart at the par 3 15th, a devilish difficult hole, where I thrashed my 3 wood into the water behind the green. I proceeded to hook my next tee shot into hazard, 3 putted the next hole for bogey. Basically, I was +11 over my first 11 holes and +11 for my next 6 holes before parring the last. How to win?

Gilanalysis 32: Impian

Thanks to the Puasa month, weekends were spent hacking golf courses that we wouldn’t otherwise even dream of going. My final outing in Impian for this Puasa was a good one,  but yet again, one nine was good, the other nine was absolutely poor. I seem to struggle a lot these days to put together two good nines. My first nine was just riddled with poor play, only eeking out a par on the final hole, but the back nine, started to play a lot better even if I wasn’t hitting fairways. The par 5 17th for instance, I hooked the ball so bad into the woods, I punched out with a 7, and found myself only 120m from the hole. It’s a weird and extremely easy par 5. I’ll miss Impian. Good greens and thank God we didn’t need to have caddies in all occasions we played there this year.

Gilanalysis 33: Nilai Springs Mango + Pines

Final game we squeezed in was Nilai Springs. After a good outing at Impian I was reasonably optimistic that I could at least break 90 on a relatively easy course. I started very well, +3 over 5 starting on the 10th. Then completely lost concentration over 15,16 and 17, due to some misunderstanding with my flight mate (we made up after, since we’re so easy going!), but the game never recovered after that. The main problem was easy: IRONS. I was completely messed up in my irons, not hitting a single good iron shot in and compounding that with 3 3-putts. Ah well. There’s always next year then.

To all muslim Gilagolfers, Selamat Hari Raya, drive safe, and welcome back to the golf!

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Tiger, Captain’s Pick

It’s highly weird that in the future, when introduced to the first tee box, instead of being stated as a multiple major winner and possibly the greatest golfer ever to wield a golf club, that Tiger would be introduced as the ‘2011 President’s cup captain’s pick’ and possibly the most vilified captain’s pick ever, probably based on the not-so-unfounded perception that the Captain can probably play better than Tiger right now.

But why so much hate?

ESPN writers write so much crap, because they are sports writers. One of their guys wrote:

“What has Woods done in the game lately? You (Fred Couples) tell us in your announcement that Tiger almost won the Masters in April. April? That’s practically another decade in golf.” – Farrell Evans

Farrell Evans

Hah? What you mean, Mr Farrell Evans? Don’t know how to count ah? Besides looking a little like Eddie Murphy’s not so funny doppleganger, he has other great insights to Tiger such as:

“Still, Tiger has to take some of the blame for your decision. He should have said he’s not fit to play. He should have said there are more deserving players who rank ahead of him. He could have said, “Fred, I’m 28th and why should I take a place on the team? Let somebody else have a chance.””

What about saying: Fred, add ALL THESE CLOWN’S Major wins and they won’t even come close to my total. I have single handedly moved Golf from the stoneage where idiots like these guys play for USD1,000 to million dollar paychecks. Without me, Golf will rank slightly lower in popularity than curling. And that’s curling hair, not even that game where people mop floors. We’d have GilaCurling instead of GilaGolf.

How on earth would Eddie Murphy think that Tiger is going to say, “Let somebody else have a chance?”.

“Tiger is no Lou Gehrig. He’s just a selfish player who is getting something for doing nothing. I want him to explain that to the kids at his Tiger Woods Learning Center and the kids from The First Tee, an organization his fame helped to inspire.”

He’ll explain this, Eddie Murphy Doppleganger: “Kids, people like you if you’re good. Like me. So be excellent and you can relax for the rest of your lives because you own the media and guys like President Cup captains. End of story.”

A lot of people don’t think Tiger should be on the team, but face it, this is the President’s Cup. It ain’t the World Cup. It comes every two years. And alternately, there’s the Ryder Cup, so actually, you have EVERY SINGLE YEAR either President or Ryder cup, so what’s the big deal? I don’t mean to demean these events like Rory, but you know, the World Cup defines a player’s career once every four years. At most, every footballer has 3 World Cups in his life if he is lucky, and good. After every World Cup, fortunes changes, from great gems like Ronaldinho to extremely crap players like Haji Diouf. That’s why there’s so much passion in the World Cup, from the players who needs the careers and the officials who need all the bribe money.

As much as I love Golf, I’d be drunk on weed and durians at the same time if I were to compare Ryder/President’s Cup to the World Cup. It’s not. Golfers are defined by majors because this is an individual sport, not a team sport. So guys like Eddie Murphy Twin who thinks President’s cup is a clear watershed of a golfer’s career, they are probably high on weed and drunk on durian juice.

+ +  Farrell Evans

President’s cup is for entertainment. An Exhibition aimed to bring about the most money and interest in golf so golf individuals get more exposure, so events get more money and everyone gets paid more. Rory was right, even if he was eventually crucified by it. He was just stating history, because The Ryder Cup does come from the fact that exhibiton matches had been played and this was just a progression of it.

So, who is the most marketable golfer right now? Go for him. No matter if he’s playing like a epileptic baboon at the moment, the world needs him. Economy needs him. The Golf industry needs him. I mean, can you imagine the buzz if Tiger ends up playing with Adam Scott? That storyline in itself is enough for Fred to make the decision. It’s a blockbuster, Avatar-Like moment for Golf. Right now, Tiger’s golf studs is probably more marketable than most of the dudes on the President’s Cup team. Really. Stricker, Kuchar, Watney, Simpson, Bill Haas. Really? Who’s scared of these guys?

vs

The only wish I have is that Fowler gets selected aside from Tiger. He cracked me up in the Golf Boyz Video with Bubba, Mahan and the super funny Ben Crane.

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GilaStats now in BETA! Part 1

I’ve added the GilaStats link in the main menu, and it’s a new feature for Gilagolf readers. I got quite a number on queries on the golfcard and statistic program I use, and I thought, why not, just integrate it with this blog and give an option for everyone to put in their scores. This is still in BETA testing for now, so do let me know if there are any bugs or questions encountered.

Please fill in the form below to get the started:

Name/Nickname:

Email:

GilaStats Details:

This is a free program that I developed a long while back, and it’s pretty easy to use. You basically need to just track 3 things: Drive distance (for only fairway hits), Gross Score, Putts on each hole.

Then there are a few ways to get the scores into the system, either manually, or simply sending a pic of the scorecard to the system. All instructions are on the site, if any question, just email me at gilagolf78@gmail.com.

GilaStats features include:

1) Game Ranking

Ranking your game in 8 main statistics (there are many more substats!) and allocating you a status ranging from MASTER all the way down to CRAP.

2) Community Ranking

Allows you to see within your community/tour/group how you measure up to the guys you play with every week. Beat them in the eight main statistics for bragging rights, and send them to CRAP rank! (Or, get out of CRAP rank yourself)

3) Ranking Points

Total Ranking points based on games played, entirely customisable on how points are allocated. Right now, I give more points to people who have birdies and eagles. We can tweak this to reward more points to average score or fairway hits, for instance.

4) Head to Head Challenge

A Head to head comparison to see who is really better, instead of the often used hacker style: “Aiya, that guy sure better mah, he drive so long. Give stroke!”

5) All Games, All ScoreCards

Every game is tracked, historical records of your scores, and trending on improvement

6) Golf Course Statistics

Golf course overview of all courses played!

Every course you play on has stats, and how well you generally play. You got easy holes and you’ve got your bogey holes.

Hole by Hole Analysis over the course that you’ve played on.

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Ramadan Golf Promotions

UPDATE: Managed to get some vouchers for A Famosa Golf Club: RM20 per person for 18 hole green fee! 1 Flight = RM100. I’ve got extra available, so let me know at gilagolf78@gmail.com if you’re interested, just RM20. Terms and Conditions as listed below. VALID UNTIL 31 DECEMBER 2011!

Typical of Malaysian service, there are hidden costs NOT advertised on the voucher. Here’s the breakdown for gilagolfers using this voucher to play in A Famosa Weekdays and Weekends (Gilagolf makes 0 profit on this, I assure you):

1) Weekdays

RM20 for voucher + RM77 for Buggy, Insurance and 1 Caddie = RM97

Normal Promotion Rate Weekdays: RM135

Savings: RM38.00 per person, RM152 per flight.

2) WeekEnds

RM20 for voucher + RM80 ‘weekend’ surcharge + RM69* for Buggy, Insurance and 1 Caddie = RM169

(*RM98 for buggy twin sharing + insurance, RM40 for caddy per buggy, so RM138 divided by 2 people=RM69)

Normal Promotion Rate Weekends: RM220

Savings: RM51.00 per person, RM204 per flight.

You still get reasonable savings but not as great as the marketing people would have you think. Email me for those interested, I have a bunch left.

@@@NOW ON TO THE RAMADHAN PROMOTIONS!@@@

Gilagolf wishes all our muslim readers and gilagolfers “Selamat Berpuasa” and “Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadan”. I always think it’s a little hypocritical to say that and yet, silently enjoy all the golf promotions and cheap rates we non-muslims get during this month, while my muslim golfing buddies are sidelined…so while this post is going to be a little cruel, I still think it’s pretty amazing for you guys to go through the month without golf. Actually I know one guy who did play golf with me but didn’t drink a drop of water till 7:30 pm…he almost died, I think, but said it was, “Worth it”. True Gilagolfer.

Anyways, for the benefit of my few readers, here are some of the Ramadan (or is it spelled Ramadhan?) Golf Promotions and Packages that I know of, in some of Malaysia’s Golf courses. Feel Free to add in your own or update!

Happy Hacking!

Glenmarie

RM105 – Weekdays

Verdict: Glenmarie doesn’t score well on Gilagolf mainly due to the awful discriminative service we experienced there. But maybe there’s a new crop of people there! And at RM105, it’s a GO!

Staffield

RM85 – Morning(Weekday)

RM88 – Afternoon (Weekday)

RM130 – Morning (Weekend)

RM133 – Afternoon (Weekend)

Verdict: Go For it! It’s Staffield! Weekend rates are a little steep. These fees are not inclusive of Caddies, which in my opinion suck in Staffield. Also, don’t mention a thing about their lousy service. But for Golf only: GO weekdays!

KGSAAS

RM110 with Ramadhan Buffet (Weekdays)

Verdict: It’s pretty worth it to play weekdays (weekends shoots up to 210++). And I think there’s night golfing as well, no? Maybe Go.

Impian Golf

Weekday 730 – 830 – RM98. After 830 – RM145

Weekday Afternoon – RM115

Weekend 830-915 – RM140

Weekend Afternoon RM155

Sunday Afternoon – RM90

Verdict: Sunday afternoon has always been a good price, and weekday rates are great too…but beware of hidden costs, like crap caddies. Maybe Go.

Bangi Golf

All the same price except we get RM30 food voucher. Hmm. No big deal. The Sunday promo RM100 still remains, but might as well play somewhere else for Ramadhan. NO GO.

KRPM

Weekday Monday and Tuesday – RM70 (morning)

Wed and Thurs – RM119 (morning)

Verdict: Not that great since one of the championship nines are closed Monday and Tuesday for maintenance. NO GO.

Seri Selangor

Weekdays – RM75

Weekend (Saturday Wholeday, Sunday Morning) – RM40 per person (need full flight)

I was right, too good to be true. Weekend, SS has come up with some convoluted pricing structure that’s not worth your time to figure out. It’s about RM130++ per person.

Verdict: I might be hearing it wrong but RM40 is ridiculously cheap for Saturday morning but that was what I was told. GO! (Only weekdays)

KGPA

Monday – RM60

Tuesday to Friday – RM70

Weekends Saturday – RM110 Morning, RM60 Afternoon

Weekends Sunday- RM110 Morning, RM70 Afternoon

Verdict: Great promotion here. GO!

Perangsang Golf

Weekdays – RM49

Weekends – RM90 (Sat and Sunday)

Verdict: Weekdays is very cheap. Weekends, you can probably search for better courses out there. GO! (weekdays)

Kajang Hill Golf

RM412 for weekdays (No Promotion)

Verdict: RM103 per person is the normal weekday price. I called up the club and asked for any promotion and was slammed with an emphatic NO! from a very rude lady. Kajang Hill is always what it is, a very mediocre golf course pretending to be a good one. Nice service too for cutt-throats. Kajang Hill sucks. NO GO!

Kinrara

Monday:RM65

Other Weekdays: RM75

Weekend: RM135 (morning), RM90 (Afternoon)

Verdict: All promotions come with a RM15 food voucher, so basically you’re paying RM15 less for the golf, which is great. GO!

Nilai Springs

Weekday – RM68

Weekend – RM150 (Morning), RM110 (Afternoon)

Verdict: Nilai is pretty nice but the weekend rates aren’t that good. Weekdays is ok, so it’s a GO!

Monterez Golf

Weekday – RM57

Weekend – RM96 (Morning) , RM60 (afternoon)

Verdict: Very nice promotion for a narrow course. The Sunday afternoons are especially attractive. It’s a GO!

Awana Golf

Weekday – RM64

Weekends – RM137.50

Verdict: Great Weekday pricing. Weekends are so so. Call to book and make sure course is not being maintained though. GO! (Weekdays)

Beringin Golf

Weekday – RM35

Weekends – RM80 (Morning), RM60 (Afternoon)

Verdict: Beringin has always been attractive in terms of pricing. The only problem is that the journey there feels like going to the centre of the earth. But when all else fails, Beringin is a GO! (for cheapskates like me)

Beruntung Golf

I just thought of putting the mother of all crap course Bukit Beruntung here. Apparently Beruntung feels that doing promotion is unnecessary due to its amazing prestige as the upper echelon of the Mother of all Crap golf course. So no Promo, weekday is RM70, weekend is RM100 as usual. I have to say NO GO, because you ain’t seen crap till you see Beruntung.

Tasik Puteri Golf

Weekday – RM63 (Morning), RM83 (Afternoon)

Weekend – RM113 (Morning), RM88 (12:30 – 1:30), RM103 (After 1:30)

Verdict: Good pricing for Weekdays and a small window of an hour on weekend afternoons that it goes for RM88. I don’t know why. But, by all means, GO!

Danau Golf

Weekday – RM58

Weekends – RM120

Verdict: Danau is a university course that is average or sub-average. With promo price of RM58, it’s probably quite worth it, but RM120 for weekends? That’s stupid. Forget it. Go!(Weekdays)

Templer Park

Weekdays: RM109.20

Weekends: Expensive

Verdict: I somehow think that with the Top Premier voucher, Templer is so much cheaper, and 109 on Weekday even with Promotion is too pricey to pay. I’m cheapskate, so it depends on you. Maybe Go.

Bukit Tinggi Golf (Berjaya Hills)

Weekdays: RM68

Weekends: RM98

Verdict: Bukit Tinggi has always been somewhat of a nightmare to us when we play there, but the promotions are actually pretty attractive. Plus, the weather there is cool! GO!

That’s all I know of. Gilagolfers, if you know of any ramadhan promotions in Malaysia Golf Courses, let me know!