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Golf Buddy Aim W11 Review

After going back and forth on my decision as to whether getting a golf watch would help me, I decided to just pull the trigger and go for it. I am generally of the type that makes purchases based on what people say, and not so much of what I can research or compare online. Comparisons are rather simplistic for me. For a price range give and take 10-15%, what are the products out there? You have a whole bunch, and I mean a WHOLE bunch of Garmin watches – dedicated to Golf as well as the watches that are multi-sport and golf enabled. But look at the pricing – You have the Fenix Garmin at around 3k+ and even up to 4k+, S62 golf watch, Instinct Solar (RM2.5k), you go down to the next level of Vivoactive (1.6kRM), which is still hefty. Down lower still are the older versions of S62 – the S40 or S42 which you can get around 1.4k – 1.5k.

Still lower in the band (I targeted a watch under RM1k), you will get the cheaper ones like S12, S10 – which depending on your risk appetite, you could find some as low as RM500+ on Shoppee. I wouldn’t trust that too much though – probably in the region of RM700 for S10 or RM800 for S12 or RM1000 for S20. These were the ones in general I was comparing the W11 to. But W11 comes with touch screen, which the cheaper Garmin models did not have. In fact the probable comparison of the W11 would be with the S40, which I think the cheapest I could get to was around is probably 1.4k. Anything cheaper than that right now, I’d probably think twice.

So the competitor of the W11 Golf Buddy basically comes down to the S10 or S12 from Garmin, and that’s pretty much it.  Without touch screen or color display, the choice is pretty obvious. For a while there was this colorless but touch-screen enabled Bushnell ION Edge that was selling for around RM700 in Lazada but now it has shot up to 1.4k, so no thanks.

The W11 comes at around RM990 or so, or if you can get it below RM890 on occasions where there is a promotion. Either way, it’s good value for money.

This isn’t a review of the watch – other people do a whole lot heck better than me in these reviews. A very good walkthrough would be here: 

Using the W11, the primary worry was whether it would interfere with my swing. Obviously, if I was swinging like Rory McIlroy and everything is balanced to perfection, this concern would be  very well worth the weight. However, because I generally swing like a giant gibbon, it doesn’t actually matter much. In fact, after the initial discomfort, once golf started and the hacking begun, I could be wearing handcuffs on my wrist and I wouldn’t even notice.

The interface is very simple. And that’s saying a lot as I am a very simple person by nature. I don’t like too many things happening, so for W11, you basically turn it on, go to the hole, feel it buzz and you are good to go. Whack it, walk to your ball look at the primary screen to see FRONT, MIDDLE and BACK distances of the green. It doesn’t tell you the flag, so you basically have to just look at the actual flag itself and make your own decisions. However, even with this basic information, I found myself getting somewhat better in my approach shots. There is no wind calculation or elevation taken into account here, so again, you need to be slightly experienced in golf to address these things.

Other than that, it does a few other items like measuring your shot distance (but you need to remember to turn it on), putting in your scores (and putts) but strangely, nothing else. It also has a rather convoluted way to measure the hole lay up distances and also hazard, which annoys the crap out of me. After looking at what the S40 does, I begin to see why this W11 cost so much lesser, the interface isn’t that intuitive after all.

During the game, I found myself using it a lot – in fact, almost every stroke except chipping and putting. The simple distance to green is primarily used 95% of the time. I hardly tinker around with the other features, except for after the whole to input my score and the number of putts I did.

What are some of the issues?

Let’s drill down to it.

a) GPS takes a LONG time to detect the course

While this may sound like a problem with all GPS watches, it annoyed me when I teed off at KGNS first hole and the damn watch was still searching for the GPS. It was a cloudy day, yes, so it’s probably the reason. I was halfway through my par 5 when the watch sorted out it’s GPS and told me to go to the tee box to start the game. Not cool.

b) The software is completely crap

Golfbuddy didn’t put a lot of effort into making a good software. One – the mobile app is absolutely garbage. It didn’t do anything and as of today, I was put on notice that they were dumping the old app and created a new one called One Caddie which looked a lot better. BUT. You need to pay for it. Like RM14 per month. Isn’t the whole point of getting this damn watch is to NOT pay for caddies, virtual or human otherwise?

So, screw the mobile app.

Golf buddy comes also with a clunky Golf buddy course manager, which is an application installed on your laptop, designed to update courses and what not. The interface isn’t pretty and looked like it was developed back in the early 2000s, which it probably was. However, it does a few things – one, it can update courses for your device. So you need to plug the watch into the USB using the charging dock and press “Connect to GB Manager” on the watch screen.

Sometimes, it doesn’t trace the watch so you just need to restart it again.

Aside from doing a course update, it also allows you to automatically update the score of your rounds. However, we come to the next issue:

c) The software requires manual input

Because the watch itself only tracks your score and also number of putts, you need to have a few things in mind:

  • Remembering whether you hit the fairway or not, and if you missed, whether you miss left or right
  • Remembering if you were playing from the bunker or not on each hole

Now, this obviously is annoying because I generally have very low recollection of what the heck is happening in the round. I mean who remembers every shot they hit anyway? So you generally just end up randomly keying in stuff that doesn’t really reflect anything. I am sure the Garmin has ways of actually tracking where on earth you are in the golf course and is able to take into account whether you are playing off the fairway or from the bunker.

d) I don’t like the hole layouts

Aside from the basic distance to the green, the other two areas we should easily be able to check is – distance to hazards (and basically layup / crossing distance) and also distance to any part of the course (in general, to the 100 meter mark for instance). Often in golf, we aren’t hitting the green on a par 5 on our second shot. Instead we also do not want to hit the 3 wood to somewhere 40-50 meters for the awkward approach. We want to reach the 100 meter marker so we can take a full approach wedge into the green. I think the W11 can do it but it does so in a very confusing manner.

Once you swap right, you are faced with this nice looking illustration. They call it the dual arch method or whatever. In the above illustration, we can see around 150 we are reaching the water (red arch). The blue arch is basically the distance from the green. So the question here is – how far should I hit the ball in order to get to the 150 marker?

There are some mental gymnastics needed here but overall, it’s just annoying that it’s not so easy to do like the Garmin. The Garmin just says, if you want to hit to 100 meters, you need to hit 162 meters. That’s it. None of this graphical bullshit that looks nice but can’t give you what you need without going through mathematics.

To give it credit though, the Hazard interface is a lot better – it gives good information to the front of the hazard, the back of the hazard and whether its on the left or right of the hole (in case there are multiple bunkers).

e) Shot distance is not great

I don’t get how difficult it is to implement an automatic shot distance count. When you have hit the shot – just track that we are now walking to the ball. That’s it, and then give an automatic distance on it and ask if we want to save it as a drive. After all, that’s all there is to it. Instead, W11 requires us to navigate to the ‘shot distance counter’, turn it on, and then start walking to the ball. How many times will we even remember doing this at all? It’s voted the most useless feature, because you can’t even store the distance to your scorecard. At least, provide us with a way to input drive distances on fairways so we can brag about our average drives!

Conclusion

I think overall, at under RM1k, it’s probably the best option out there for you. If you don’t mind coughing up a few hundred more, the S40/S42 of Garmin is probably a better product out there. The W11 tries pretty hard to give the features more expensive watches are giving and for the most part, it does deliver. Distances are fairly accurate and matches the distance we see in our range finders. While the software is clunky, it does its job in a fair manner. The tri-color straps are pretty ugly but at least they recognise it and provide you with a plain black strap.

Looks wise – it’s actually quite functional. I like the single button concept (although in a year or two, I would imagine this button completely broken and the watch non-functional). The different faces of the watch is also something you can change – all aren’t pretty but at least it gives you something to alter. And the watch itself actually looks reasonably nice – and not bulky like a typical sports watch. It’s something certainly wearable for occasions like a casual dinner or even more formal meetings.

Battery wise it’s quite durable – without playing golf, it can last for days, and for golf, I think around 2 rounds is easily possible.

A note on the charger. Plugging the charger into a random charging port or adapter sometimes will cause the watch to complain it has stopped charging due to it overheating. The adapter I found works is AC Input 100-240v ~ 200mA and output 5v – 1A.

Do I recommend the watch? Yes, if you are looking at anything sub 1k for golf, I don’t think there is a better option out there. But if you have some cash to spend, I think the Garmin s40 onwards is probably a better purchase, based on other reviews I am seeing.

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Maid Permit, Passport and Contract Renewal 2021 – The Final Chapter

So.

Here I am. At the final part of this neverending Chronicle and my war against the overlords of inefficiencies, the dreaded Malaysian Immigration.

I left my home at 7.15 am to journey to Shah Alam PKNS for one last duel with this foul institution of neglect. Reached at around 7.45 and finally got my place in the queue to take the number and at around 7.55 am I was seated. So far so good – they actually officially open at 8 am but apparently they let you in early, so keep that in mind. By 8.20 the room was filling up and finally it was my turn. I thought we could end it within an hour or so.

The lady took all my documents plus the passport, cursorily looked at it, tapped a few things on her computer and then passed back to me and told me to pay. She said, take a number to pay.

I looked at the queue, the same queue I was in earlier, but now snaking its way along the corridor. Excuse me? I have to take a queue? Again? What’s wrong with my current number?

Yes, you need to go all the way back in line to take a DIFFERENT queue number in order for you to pay.

This is by far, the stupidest procedure of all time. Stupidest. Whichever imbecile that came up with this procedure deserves an award for being the biggest moron of all time, should be shot, hung and dried in the public square. But it was so expected (moronic procedures) of our Malaysian Civil Service, that’s it would have been absolutely shocking if they came up with a procedure that made sense or that reflected any signs of intelligence higher than an amoeba. Like for instance, transferring the same queue number you have in your hand to the payment queue. Or have another queue machine at hand to provide a fresh queue number for payment. Or just write the goddamn number onto a toilet paper. I mean, there could be a billion ways to resolve it but Malaysia chooses the absolute, most stupid way to solve it. This is because its the Immigration’s KPI to have as long queues as possible and as many people as possible sardined into a small non-ventilated room in order to show that they are ‘busy’ and ‘hard at work’. And it speaks volumes to the absolute idiocy of our civil service procedures – the ultimate shithousery to give to tax paying citizens. Its like they came up with these procedures while taking a dump.

To beat this god forsaken procedure, I would recommend the moment you get your first queue number, to immediately go back into the same queue again (which would have been built up) and then when you reach the front, just pretend that you have already gone through the first queue number and now you have to go for payment. Ask for payment queue number. They will give it to you. They won’t recognise you because they are generally not really vested in how ugly or good looking you are.  And there is absolutely zero communications between the officers. So now, you should have 2 queue numbers. By now, the first queue number should already be up, you jump right into their seat, get the lady to tap stuff on their ancient VAX computer and pretend to be frustrated when she tells you to re-queue again for payment. Then, wait for your payment queue number and voila make the payment.

Because I did not do that, I had to re-queue and then wait again – for another 2 damn hours. I observed a few things: there are 15 counters available and only 4 officers working in a room chokeful of human beings. Secondly, the payment counter is ONLY ONE. So it took 2 hours to go through number 14 people.  Also, the payment counter is not just for payment. Apparently it’s also for enquiry and such. Thirdly, the guy behind the counter takes his own sweet time to press for the next number. After completing one person, he sits there, staring powerfully at all of us pathetic idiots looking at him, imploring him to press the button so the number can switch.

Malaysia Immigration – you are the champion in shithousery.

I paid RM221 – Credit card only accepted, so don’t expect e-wallet or cash – and the officer said to me, “Normally, how long do you need to wait?”

I was a bit stunned. I wanted to say, “How the hell would I know?” but apparently he thinks I do this everyday for my living. I just shrugged, unsure what to answer.

He said brusquely, “Come back around an hour and go straight to Counter 15.”

And so, around 1.5 hours, a breakfast and a Teams Meeting later, I came back and went straight to counter 15. Apparently, there is no process here to collect. You just walk straight up to the counter, in front of all the disapproving looks of the people sitting down there like idiots waiting for instructions. You just ask the officer , I am here to collect passport of maid.

And he will ask your name, and pass to you the passport – the new one now has a VISA permit on it. Oh, if you had a passport cover before, it will be gone, because apparently they need to remove it to put the permit, and they never bothered to put it back. I rather wrap the passport in used diapers than to pass the passport back to these group of people to get the passport cover. No way.

I said thank you and actually bowed obsequiously like a Japanese, received it with two hands as if I am being awarded the Order of the British Empire from the Queen. They failed to appreciate my sarcasm and I scrambled away from this hellhole as quickly as possible.

There is a form for feedback below, I suggest all of us go into it and give an honest review of this service.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfm3oFALJ21Jb5TD5e409Z2xOQ3ydxqjJjFBCp8aIquw6EeLw/viewform?usp=sf_link

In CONCLUSION:

a) Go to the Immigration where your IC number and permit address is – if KL, then DUTA, if PJ, then PKNS Shah Alam.

b) Don’t go in the afternoon – go early in the morning. It officially opens at 8 am but loiter there from 7.40 am onwards. They may open early. Once they do, rush to the lift, kick anyone else who follows you in it and run like a mad dog to the office for foreign workers. I would give you directions but the whole area is crazy confusing. So just give in to your instinct and ask the Lord to lead the way to the right room.

c) Once there, take up the queue number for ‘kemaskini’ – which means modifying the passport. Immediately go behind the queue again and once in front again, ask for a payment queue number even if you haven’t kemaskini yet. If the officer recognises you, pretend you have an epileptic attack or just state you have a twin.

d) Remember to have all your documents at hand. Photostat your maid’s old passport front page and permit page, the new passport front page, YOUR IC front and back, bring your actual IC as well, bring your credit card for payment and ensure you have two documents:

  1. Permohonan Kemaskini Dokumen Pembantu Rumah – This document is as rare as golden bird shit. Apparently it cannot be found online, including their own stupid website> I got mine from the officer from Duta during one of my forays there. I’ve posted the jpg here in case you desperately need it:
  2. You need to write a ‘Surat Permohonan’. I wrote mine in English and it’s as follows:

Date

Immigration Department of Malaysia

To whom it may concern,

I, <your name>, IC No: <your IC> would like to request that the permit of my current house maid, <maid name> (OLD Passport No: <old passport no>) to be moved to her new passport number <new passport no>.

Thank you

<Sign here>

<Your name>

<your IC> <your contact>

d) After this, wait for your payment, make your payment and wait for around an hour before barging your way through the wall of people to counter 15 and say you are here to collect.

That’s it. Hopefully I never need to face these jokers again for the next ten years (my maid passport expiry), which by then, hopefully this ancient practice of mental torture and abuse called Malaysian Immigration will be improved for the sake of the generation to come.

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Maid Permit, Passport and Contract Renewal 2021 Part 4

So, after six months, I’ve decided to take on this monumental challenge to continue this game against the Malaysian Immigration – the impossible task to renew my maid permit/passport.

So far, to recap the previous season of this Squid Game competition with the Immigration – I successfully, renewed the contract, tackled the terrible mess of the Philippines government online booking, navigated through the embassy and getting my maid contract renewed and her passport sorted, with the new visa permit on her extended old passport. We also went and collected the new passport. So now I have the old passport with the valid permit and the new passport. These are not easy tasks. But these will be considered a walk in the park compared to what is to come, that is to put the new passport into Malaysia’s immigration system and move the permit from old passport to new. For that, I need to look into:

Defeating the Malaysian Immigration Department. The Bane of all Efficiencies, the Destroyer of Hope, the Betrayer of Good Service, the Devastator of Time, the Unholy Master of all that is Good in this Country, the Forsaken Overlords of the Queues and all that is absolutely Useless In Malaysia. They are the very definition of Malaysia’s government service, which has a the highest ratio of waiting for service to human lifespan found in the entire Universe and Heaven and Hell.

The first foray to defeat this Ruthless Monster, I went to the Duta immigration. I didn’t really know what to do actually. I tried to get an appointment through their immigration website. https://www.imi.gov.my/. Firstly, because the website has been actually designed by gerbils, the navigation makes no sense. In fact, it’s easier to navigate Dante’s Nine Circle of Hell compared to the site. No where will we find any useful information. And each page is designed to put the reader to sleep, with tons of absolutely garbage information that serves zero purpose. So I don’t know. I couldn’t get any appointment so Trusting in the Lord Almighty to give me strength and faith, I took up the two passports of my maid (the old one with the visa and the new one) and went bravely to the imposing fortress of this Monster – the Duta Immigration in KL (opposite Publika).

I already had my share of nightmares getting my passport sorted earlier. In fact, I wake up in cold sweat at night still, tormented by dreams of falling into a neverending queue of silent screaming humans waiting for eternity. Seeing the building still puts me into shivers.

I bravely went up and yes, there was a queue in front of the passport section for helpers. It’s right opposite the passport renewal for Malaysians, which had its own queue snaking down the countryside and far into the abyss. For my queue, it wasn’t supremely bad. Just about an hour.

So after one hour, I managed to snake my way all the way to the front. I explained to the absolutely disinterested officer that I need to do this and that for my maid and she just pressed the queue button, Mickey Mouse Steamboat Willie playing in her mind, no doubt. She pressed, pressed. And pressed again. I finally saw life sparkling in her eyes as she looked up, unsure what to do, as this was out of her SOP to press button. The Automaton spoke, “Oh. Nasib you tak baik.”

This meant, “Oh you are unlucky.”

It’s not something you want to hear. Not after you waited in queue. It’s like The Angel Michael saying that once you reach the Pearly Gates and about to enter Heaven. That’s just not cool.

I asked her what happened. She explained, well the queue machine is broken. It’s hanging. So I asked her what to do. She just chuckled and she went off. For a long time. So now everyone behind me, all 50 people are looking at me disapprovingly, thinking that I was causing the ruckus with a silly request. All of them tapping their foot, grumpily looking at me and wishing me death and dishonor to my family name. DAMN IT WOMAN! Release me from this HELL OF WAITING!

After 15 minutes, which I have picked up my phone and stared intently at the blank screen to neutralise all the cruel stares I am receiving, she returned. This time with an accomplice. They fretted a bit over this cursed machine and finally got it to work, much to the significant relief of everyone waiting. We were all ready to Hi-five each other, the way that the movies show when the rocket to space is launched successfully and the asteroid the size of Brazil hurtling to earth has been destroyed. Great perils share this beauty, that they bring to light the fraternity of strangers – so say the great Victor Hugo. We were strangers no more, we were survivors of the dreaded beast of Malaysian Immigration. We have slewed the wicked —

“Oh. Ini tak boleh guna.”

So sayeth the Automaton behind the counter. This is where the rocket crashes and burns to a billion pieces and everyone in the launch room stares at the screen in utter horror.

What does she mean?

She explained, in rebooting the queue system, the whole number has been mixed up and now she would have to manually work out which is next in line to those who had already taken the queue number. She said ‘already taken’ in a significant sort of way, that I needed to ask what she meant.

She sighed and told me, you can’t take the queue number anymore. It’s over. All of us waiting, especially you poor devil who had come all the way to the front – you need to go home, rest, recuperate and come fight this injustice and sorry excuse of a government another day.

In the year 2022, when I was a kid, I thought we would see hovercrafts, hoverboards, and flight to the moon. Instead I now witnessed an even greater event – time travel. We have been magically transported back to 1962, before any system was invented, where people would just have to wait in queue like a lottery number praying to the gods that lightning does not come and kill you. There was no backup plan. There was no business continuity. The entire country’s backbone for immigration is dependent on a shitty little queue system that if rebooted meant the end of all service.

What the Fuzzballs.

Malaysia, you have outdone yourself. This is me slowclapping you. I couldn’t even be furious with her. All over the room, there was a warning there would be a 2K fine and jail time for anyone ‘obstructing the officer from doing their job.’ which translated, if you throw a fit, tantrum, raise your voice or as much look funny at the officers, you are going to be guillotined. They have faced these tantrum throwing buggers before who had dared to challenge their inefficiency or their general lack of humanity. Throw tantrum? We’ll throw you in our dungeon, you ungrateful ba$tard!

There was nothing to do but pick up my crap and creep away, defeated.

Day 2

You would think this whole nonsense would end here. But after going through a bit of counselling and psychiatric help, I took up the courage to go again, this time, smartly going around 1.30 pm as I knew these government denizens went about their lunch from 1 to 2.

When I reached, there was already a reasonable line waiting for the lunch break to open. I duly got into line. No more waiting like an idiot.

This time, they opened their doors, we filed in like the gulags and got my queue number and sat, waited for around 15 minutes and then went to the counter and explained to the officer what I needed to do.

She took a minute or so and took my documents, passport of my maid and my IC. She passed me back and without even looking at me said, “You are from PJ, you cannot do your maid passport here. This is for KL.”

I looked behind me, half expecting a TV crew to come and say, “Gotcha!” or some sort of reality show playing pranks on me. I slowly tried to process it. I said, “Wait, I did my passport here. Right opposite. I also previously did all my maid renewal of Visa here. ” I also did my IC renewal here. My two sons, born of blood from me and now carrying my name to posterity, were registered here, their birth certificates were gotten here. If I had to die, I would want to be buried here. This was the location of my entire history of my life, this sacred piece of $hit called the Duta Immigration. How can it be that now, you, Angel of Death, play such a cruel trick?

She said, “Oh, for your passport ok. But maid passport please go Shah Alam. We cannot do it here.”

I know she can. IT cannot be that in 2022, Malaysia is still damned to be stuck in some sort of slippery timewarp where $hit cannot get done because their system is not linked/connected. I pleaded again, “Come on. There must be a way.” Why was this not highlighted in their damn website? Why was this not put as a requirement? Does the Malaysian Immigration think we are all psychics able to read their stupid policies and stupid procedures or navigate through the vomit of information contained in their dungpile of a website? How absolutely bereft of any common, uncommon, cow or goat sense is our good old Government? WHAT THE FLAMING FUZZBALLS is  going on??!

“There must be a way.” I say again. Life finds a way. There must be a way, this cannot be the end. There MUST be a way.

Yes, if I was a VIP, prime minster, a government politician or any of these slippery characters that crawl out of their holes sometimes to run our mess of a country. Yes, if I had connections or drink coffee with the Immigration bosses. But No, because I am none of these, I am condemned to lose my fight with this hell-bound creature called Malaysian Immigration again. In fact, Hell’s immigration department would probably even lose to Malaysia, that’s how good we are in torturing our tax paying citizens.

So there. 2 days wasted and nothing to show. I am defeated, I am destroyed once more. I need to rebuild my life and my shattered confidence once again. I leave, a broken shell of human who once had life, dreams and aspirations – all dashed by this wicked institution called Immigration.

To paraphrase the famed Thomas Hardy (not the actor) in his most famous novel of all: “Justice” was done, and the President of the Immortals, in Aeschylean phrase, had ended his sport with me.

Do I dare go to Shah Alam? I will let myself mentally recover for one week first before I pluck enough courage to go again. Stay tuned.

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Ode to the Blades

About six months ago, I made an impulse buy to get the Mizuno MP-20. It was a gorgeous club. Absolutely smatteringly gorgeous. If I could take out a golf club on a dinner date and movie and not be viewed as an absolute mental patient, I would.

Yes, when I played it, yes, I was expecting myself to struggle. And Lord did I struggle. The face of the mp20 is tiny. It’s daring you to improve. So I went to the range, again and again, trying to craft out my skills like a samurai going to training.

But getting better at doing something wrong is still basically a $hit way to go through life, isn’t it. I didn’t have the confidence looking down on it. I loved the thin topline. The face was another matter. When you caught it right, there’s no feeling like it.  I am not sure if its the hype of copper plating or what not, but there is a stark difference in flushing the MP20 vs my MP54. The problem was, I was flushing the MP20 one out of five attempts while the MP54 was, meh, around 3 out of 5. Big difference when faced with a 6 iron into the greens.

So finally, after another round of bad irons 2 weeks back, I decided to finally say a (temporary) goodbye to the MP20s and move back to my 54s. At least on the long irons. I couldn’t bear to remove the shorter irons because the set looks so good. DAMN IT! When we need to break up with a girl, we need to break up with a girl! What’s wrong with you, man?

Anyway, we headed to Sg Long. Sg Long is now infested with what I call “Ang Moh Infestation”. Ang Moh = Westerners. We were nicely waiting for our turn on the first teebox behind 2 flights of Westerners, when another flight zoomed in and passed us and squeezed into the tiny space between our flight and the next. We were like, “Oi, WTF? We were here, you need to queue lah! <Chinese expletives because Malaysians are too nice to curse in something the Westerners understand>”

The AngMoh got out of his cart like John Wayne with his testicles the size of Brazil and sauntered to the tee box and told his ‘organizer’ who looked a little like a shorter Don Corleone and said, “These guys are telling us to queue.” He didn’t even bother looking at us, this western son of a b…ig woman. Our inability to scold these western vermin is the reason why we got colonized in the first place.

Anyway, Don Corleone walked to us and said, they booked it through the app and told us, we should try it. Please note these guys look like octogenarians with one foot in the grave and the other foot in a sandbunker. So it was weird to see a great grandfather explaining to me they have an app to do booking. So I said, well, you are in the club and the marshal says its our turn to tee off. And he shockingly said, no, the marshal doesn’t know shit. The app knows everything and they have already paid and booked for it.

Notwithstanding this moronic explanation, and just the general air of superiority these guys went through everything and the undermining and belittling of the marshal, I asked the marshal and the marshal just muttered these westerners were ‘always like that’. He sounded like a man constantly abused mentally and defeated in his early Marshalling days and now he is just a shell of a man looking to get out an abusive relationship.

He helpfully suggested us to go to the back 9 and tee off behind another group of Westerners. This group of Ang Moh wasn’t part of the Mafia gang gathered on the front 9. When they asked, they spoke in Australian accent. So technically they weren’t Westerners. They were Easterners. So they are fine. And they were way more polite than those yahoos on the first tee.

So off we went on the back 9 of sungai Long. After the usual misses, three putts , a few duffed shots etc, I ended up with a respectable 44 with 3 pars. Could have been better, but could have been worse.

Back 9 came.

Started with a chip in birdie. Then parred the long par 5 with regulation on. Long par 3 bogey, then par 4, just a bad approach but saved bogey. Then I went on a tear of 5 pars in a row including the final hole with an approach of 180, then chip and sank in the 8 footer. It was probably the best display of 9-hole golf I’ve had in maybe the last 5 years or so, to get a +1 , 37. Final score was 9 pars , 1 birdie and a couple of double and the rest bogeys for 81. Again, I missed out the mythical 79, but hopefully I am getting close. If I were to analyse, I would say, the front 9 par 5 12th, with a 135 to the hole for regulation on and just messed up my 8 iron with a big push. Then on the par 3 14th, pulled the devil out of my 8 iron again behind a tree and ended up with a double. Then a very simple 80 meter on the par 5 18th with a sand wedge and I completely went under it and it only went 30m.  Frustrating. Those were the strokes that would have led me to the glorious 79.

My 8 irons were the MP-20. For the 54s, I never hit a bad shot all day. This included a few glorious 6 irons into the green, and 5 irons zipping to the flag.

I gave this analogy to my partner as we walked up the final hole. Going to the MP20 was like having an affair with a younger, more beautiful woman while being married to your wife. This is purely from non-experiential point of view, to give this disclaimer. So you feel awesome going out with a younger girl looking like Scarlett Johansson. However, after a few months, that feeling wanes and you wonder, why Scarlett doesn’t cook like your wife, or enjoy a simple Saturday night out with the kids, without the parties; or stop spending on useless crap in the most expensive places; or just stop dressing like her skirt is disappearing from the Thanos snap; or that annoying high pitch voice that constantly seems to ask for you to be nice to her; or those vacuous conversations about nothing that does not have any brain activity involved etc.

And you go, damn, I wish I was back with my wife.

That’s basically the analogy with my MP-20s going back to my 54s. My 54s is the comfort. It doesn’t look that good as the 20s, but it was like slipping back into your comfort drink, or an old pair of slippers. Once in my hands (except for the worn grip), and looking from it from the topline, you go, “Oh yeah, my old friend, it’s great to see you again.”

This feeling is for this round. Knowing how we play golf, who knows what will happen in the next?

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The Power of Mediocrity

It goes without saying that most of us, most of time have no. CLUE. what we are doing right or wrong when it comes to this game of Golf. That’s why it’s so addictive. We are constantly chasing the high – the last memory we had of a good shot – a good drive, a good putt, a chip in, a bunker hole out, an eagle, a birdie, a hole in one, a miraculous shot over an impossible terrain … anything. While 99% of the time we are snap-hooking, duffing, topping, 3-putting our way to infamy; that elusive 1% makes us constantly wandering around the course looking for it. Most of us will likely haunt golf courses in the after-life or hopefully play cosmic golf in the heavens.

KGNS was the site of the second round of 22. And it was not a good site.

My drives were still stuck in the awful back 9 mode I was in Glenmarie; I seemed to have forgotten how well I was smashing the ball in the first 9. But somehow by some stroke of good fortune and pure fortitude, I managed to bogey my first two holes, chipped in a par for the third, and 3 putt bogeyed the fourth. So far it seems rather ok, despite knowing my game was structured like a house of cards.

Par 4 fifth, hit a great drive, my first good drive. Then proceeded to duck hook my six iron into the g*ddamn water. W.T.F. Past 4 holes my drives were awful and I still managed to squeeze a result out of it and the moment I hit a great drive, I proceed to sabotage it with an awful approach. Dropped, and went on to double bogey. Next up , Par 5 6th, great drive, good second shot, left with 120 to the hole and duffed my approach. Then skulled my chip to the back, came back again for 5 on, two putt. Another double.

Par 3 seventh – shanked my hybrid, another double.

Par 4 eight, topped my approach into the bunker, hit a good bunker shot , escaped with a bogey.

Par 4 9th, topped my approach into the water. Ended up triple. WTF is wrong with my approach? It’s not just irons – I was playing my hybrid  like a rabid hyena snorting cocaine as well.

First 9 was a train-wreck score – +13 for 49.

Back 9 was slightly better – started with a par, before screwing up the par 5 for a triple. But then came back with another par on the par 4 12th, bogey-bogey for 13th and 14th.

The par 3 15th was an awful one with a bunkers on right and water left, and around 180 to the green. I managed to get a small landing spot near the fringe , chipped to around 8 feet, and closed with a par.

Par 4 16th , I smashed my drive into the tree, and sitting around 150m in the rough, proceeded to hit possibly my best 6 iron of the day to the green, around 15 feet from the hole, and rolled my putt in for a very improbably birdie.

Par 5 17th, narrowly missed par and settled for bogey, and the final 18th, just lost legs and got stuck in the bunker and ended up double bogey.

Final score – 49-43, so did not break 90 at all, but its not a bad recovery. And my driver was still struggling nevertheless, so all in all, it’s pretty ok in terms of scoring. And at least, its 2 birdies in 2 rounds so far, which is good.

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Another sub 80 Slips away

I make no secrets about my lifelong golf ambition. It’s very easy supposedly and its enough for me to slip to my grave if I achieve it.

I just want to shoot a sub-80 round. That’s it. Simple.

I was on course for it in my first game in 2022 in Glenmarie Gardens. As I’m getting used to my new MP20 clubs, I started the round with my driver smoking hot. I was hitting the driver almost perfect for the first 7 holes. First hole, routine regulation and Par. Second hole, par 3, 3-putted from 10 feet. Frustrating. 3rd hole, my second shot on par 5 with a 3 wood took me to just 10 meters from the green. But what a shitty chip and a disappointing par. After a couple of bogeys on the par 4 and 3; my second par 5, again, a perfect drive and perfect 3 wood took me to even nearer to the green, around 5 meters. This time, a good chip and a birdie. After that, the two subsequent holes 2 pars including a pretty good save on 8 from the woods. On the par 4 9th, again, from the woods, landed on the fringe with around 10-15 feet to the hole and guess what – another 3 putt. I could have saved 2 shots from my 39.

But just as the possibility crept into me to break the 80; my entire game unravelled on the back 9. My drives deserted me and left me hooking my drives again. It’s a testament to some pretty ridiculous short game and putting that I still managed a 46, with the shots I was hitting. Nothing demonstrated it more than the 16th par 5.

I was hooking so badly that I aimed my shot way right and my drive went straight into the trees and dropped a feet away from the ladies tee box. A duck hook 3 wood later, I was left with around 230 or so to the green.  I finally hit a good 3 wood leaving me a difficult 40 meters from the green and I stuffed my 4th to around 6 feet. My putt lipped out for a bogey, but it was this sort of fighting golf that left me scrambling like a monkey at the back 9.

I don’t know why I am playing like a pro in one 9 and then collapse like an idiot in the back 9. Its this type of Jekyll and Hyde game that leaves even a respectable 85 a bad taste in my mouth. It could have been a WHOLE LOT BETTER.

Back to the drawing board. On the bright side, starting with 85 bodes well for 2022. That’s 6 pars, 1 birdie, 8 bogeys and 3 double bogeys. Not too bad but could have been better. Now, just to fix my driver again.

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Bad Golf, Here We Come!

For those who know me, I am one of those golfers that are incorrigibly bad at golf for the very reason that I rank aesthetics and looks above performance and money. Let me explain. If I had half a brain that works for golf, I would know that as a 12 – 14 handicapper, I have no way in high heaven or seven hells that I can ever play with a club that is designed for pros or at the very least single handicappers. I used to have cavity Taylormade and when I had the chance to grab a Mizuno MP-54, I grabbed it even though my game suffered like a mad cow slowly being split in half by a rusty drill. Then, I saw an MP-57, which makes it even much much more hard to hit seeing that the 57 was a much older tech compared to the 54. I went and buy it and used it and the cycle of pain continues.

For a driver, I went for testing, and even the fitter told me, SIM Max is suitable for you , as your drives are all at least a bit predictable. I said No. The SIM looked like a club that has gone through a pyschedelic makeover after taking too much drugs and seeing talking barstools – meaning – it’s way too colorful and busy for me. I want my clubs to be the absolutely boringest piece of equipment ever. And so, Titliest would be the one. Frustrated, the fitter then said, OK, there is the Tsi2 which has good CG at the back and I was hitting it OK as well. I said, No. The shape looks like me after having one of my durian binge , with the bulging head shape like my stomach. I want the classic pear shape of the Tsi3. Does it fit my swing? Who cares? It looks awesome!

So here we are, a few days before the Mizuno 221,223 and 225 was announced, I sort of knew that the old version MP20 was going to be unavailable by the golf stores. I called up my fitter and asked him about the MP20. He said, the entire Malaysia was sold out already and MST was preparing for the new Mizzies. But he added, that there was a faulty set available in Penang, that was the last of its kind on this God loving country.

I said Faulty? He said, there were aesthetic dings and scratches, but nothing that affected performance. It’s a Mizuno. Dings and club chatter is PART of the Mizuno lore because of its blardy softness. A Mizuno without this is like a car without a wheel. I said, OK, bring it on, with the discounts – but was still very pricey; and I was then looking at an available MP-5 for almost 60% of the price.

But come on – MP20?

I knew I couldn’t play it. If there was a MP 20 HMB set available, maybe that would be a lot more suitable for me. But MP20 MB blade? It’s like dating Scarlett Johansson. You know, you just ain’t good enough and everyone will be looking at you and go, “How the hell did this loser end up with her?” The MP20 is Scarlett. In fact, I will name my set Scarlett.

Come on.

Say it, it’s f-ing gorgeous. Its even reflecting my big, fat, bald forehead.

Can I hit it?

Hell, no. No, no no.

I’ve played a few 9 holes with it. And last week had my first 18 with this set, in Palm Garden. Shot an 88 – which you would think its pretty ok, but I hardly used my MP-20s. I had a few here and there, chunked my 9 iron once, mishit a few times very badly. This MP20 is like a wife – if you did something wrong – she lets you know and she lets the entire world know about it. You hit it fat? Your 9 iron goes into the water. You thinned it or you missed the center by a hairline? Too bad, your 7 iron now looks like a flaccid p-nis that goes 80 meters only. But the moment you pure it – and it happens occasionally, as in very occasionally – that feeling gets you uncomfortably high. Like as in, you go, WTF is this intense feeling of pure orgasm in the middle of the golf course surrounded by 3 other guys?

No, the 88 was down to some great chips, some great 3-wood, hybrid and some wondrous putting using the left-hand low style. If I had my irons working for me, I would have probably shaved 3 – 4 strokes and at least played to my damn handicap. But I wouldn’t have the MP20s.

So there you go – welcome to bad golf but with a set that is completely unsuitable to the game but so damn pleasing to the eye.

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Putting Changes

It seems every MCO brings about a change in the golf game.

Possibly due to boredom and the closure of golf courses, I’ve taken the time over the past 6 months plus to revamp the swing and move from the conventional weight shift left-right and left again to a stacked left side. The result? Well, I am not playing worse as before. In fact, my score is more or less the same, hovering between high 80s, low 90s and occasional moving down to mid 80s and low 80s but never breaking 80. That’s pretty much how I play previously.

The problem now seems to be more in the irons and less of the driver/woods. Especially, the shorter irons which I generally pull left and the occasional struggle with the mid irons when I would shank it. I haven’t figured out why, but those blow holes are usually the 7/6-iron shanks. But the drive now is very much more consistent and distance wise, more confident.

Putting seems to be the problem now, so for this MCO, 3 things are being experimented.

a) Left Hand Low

I saw Jordan Spieth putting the lights out and tried his grip. Even though it’s indoors, and on a cheap putting mat – it works. It feels much more ‘intact’. In terms of the takeaway and stroke, it feels more one piece as opposed to my previous conventional overlap. Of course, it’s on a mat, so a lot of discount is needed on the results, but it does feel better, which is important.

b) Forward press

I never thought this would help, but it does. I always had a weight back a bit on my putter stance and sometimes hit up on the ball the same way as how I hit the drive. With the forward press, the putter face is more level and lower when it impacts the ball and it seems a lot more solid as opposed to my previous attempts to hit up – causing very inconsistent hits and often end up just brushing the damn ball – the way I did my eagle putt at the Impiana a few weeks back.

c) Head Up Putting

Now I probably won’t put this in practice just yet but have been experimenting this since a year + even before I knew there was a term for it. My original idea was that – if we threw a ball, we don’t look at the ball we are throwing, we look at the target. So why is putting different? Only recently I found out this is actually a thing that many other people are thinking – and saw Jordan Spieth do it as well. So, head up putting isn’t about staring at the golf hole, it’s about just loosening up without getting too caught up staring at the ball. What I do is to just look probably a few feet ahead of the ball, or to the break-line that I want my putt to go, blur my vision and just stroke the ball.

Blurring my vision is how you do when you disfocus your vision on purpose, same way as you would do when you are looking at a 3D magic eye picture and looking through the picture instead of at it. So far, again, it works but I haven’t done it much on the course except for some simple 9-hole games when we don’t have those previous RM5 hanging on the hole. But now that I know it’s an actual method used by the best putters in the world, why not??!

So those are the changes on the putting – let’s see how it works out as soon as this MCO is over and we are back out on the course!

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A Review of Q1 2021

So after around 4 months into 2021, it’s probably a good time to review how the new swing change is shaping up. First of, for a couple of months, the lack of golf was evident, although we are getting back into the groove now (despite our COVID cases increasing!), so we are trying to get as much golf in before any lockdown occurs.

I do a 9-hole walk on Tuesday with a secondary set – a 917F 3 Wood with a putter and 2 wedges + 3 irons (5,7,9 – my old Mizuno MP-57). Honestly I think I play better without my driver as this 3 wood is only around 30-40 meters shorter.  So scoring wise there is good, but better is the morning walk, with just a range bag without trolley.

We’ve crammed in also a couple of rounds of golf in Mines, Glenmarie, Saujana Impiana, Palm Garden and the results were – varied. I think I am back to my scoring as previous before my swing change. Like in Mines, I scored a 90 and 84, Glenmarie – 100 and then an 88. Palm Garden a 92 and an 84 and Saujana Impiana a 92. Good scores? It’s more or less the bloody same as I would score before the changes!!

But.

I do feel the game is coming along fine. For Saujana Impiana, that 92 could have easily been an 87 or 88. I had 4 triple bogeys against a fair number of Pars and a birdie. Of the 4 triple, 3 were really ridiculous. One was caused by a six iron shank from prime position on Fairway. Second was a lost ball after a good drive that just skittered a bit to the left, but for some damn reason, we couldn’t find the ball (most frustrating thing in golf), the third was the final hole, after being on the fringe in 2, and proceeded to duff a chip and 4 putted into infamy.

Only the first quad bogey where I hooked 2 into the woods would I say it was unavoidable.

But the encouraging thing for Impiana was how I played the par 5s. The first par 5 (Hole 3 I think), I proceeded to birdie it after my second 3 wood shot left me only 40 meters from the hole. The next par 5 in the back 9 I thunked my 3 wood so perfect from the fairway from 240 meters that I had to run up and apologise to the group on the green because my shot ended up around 20 meters from the green.

And the final par 5, hole 17. Bombed a drive (or so I thought) to around 160m from the green, and hit my new 5-iron (I reshafted it to a graphite) for my first two-on Par 5 after such a long time. What proceeded after that would forever be part of golfing lore. But before that, the group behind us had a guy who bombed his drive even further, to 100m marker. In fact, it was extremely dangerous as we were around that area as well. So actually, the par 5s are quite short and dangerous in Impian especially if you are a long hitter.

Going for my eagle, my ball was resting at that part where the fringe and green met, so it had that tuft of raised grass. I didn’t think much about it but when I putted, brushing the stupid grass on the backstroke caused a sudden retardation of my brains and I completely lost focus and I literally molested the ball to not even halfway to the god-damn hole. Molested my eagle putt. What. The. Flaming. Fukuoka.

I just stared in disbelief at my partners, before they all started to rail on me for my failure. This is a devastating failure. Because then I proceeded to miss my birdie and was forever labelled the biggest choker of all time. DAMN.

That has nothing to do with new swing. This is to do with a new brain, which I cannot change.

Same thing as Hole 18. Hooked my shot into the woods and from a superbly difficult shot down the hill, through the trees with just a bit of opening, I hit a glorious hybrid to the fringe of the green from 180. I mean, even Mickleson will be proud. Celebrating at least a bogey, I cockily went up and duffed my chip. Ok, no problem, a putt from fringe should be fine. I overputted, and sent the damn putt 15 feet downhill, my uphill putt didn’t have legs and I missed my double bogey putt.

You see, failures are often not due to the swing. My swing (except for the occasional and unknown shank) is coming along nicely and distance is better, consistency is better on the drives. My irons are the ones failing me (short approaches) and my stupid putting is as bad as a Gremlin high on cocaine.

So, overall review of 2021? Good with the long clubs, everything in 100 meters, atrocious as can be seen by up down scores. Am I encouraged with the swing change? For sure yeah. Very encouraged.  Just completely shit around the greens, but that’s not due to the swing change.

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The Different Types of People on the Range

Honestly – I’ve never spent so much time on the driving range before (pre- MCO2.0). Because of the implementation of the new swing, to groove it, I was hitting the range, 2 -3 times a week. That’s 2-3 times a week more than I ever did for the past 3 years I think. The reason, as mentioned before, was when I was on my ‘old’ swing, I ended up with a backache hitting diggers on the mat. With a more rounded swing, I am less digging and more hitting, and I don’t have any more backaches after even 200 balls anymore.

But boy. When you are on the range – there is so many, many strange and weird people there. It’s like going into a circus, and seeing all sorts of weird and fantastical creatures. The more public the range, the stranger the creatures, and they are as strange as they come on the Kota Damansara public driving range.

Behold, the fantastical beasts of driving ranges:

a) The Teaching Instructor Uncle or TIU

Let’s start off with this specimen. Every range (except maybe the extremely high class ones that specifically have a ban on them) has this person. He is the uncle that sits and watches other people and makes comments and gives instructions. Very loudly. And often with very flowery language, either cantonese or Hokkien. The TIU guy is often smoking, if not, he is there almost every day, because he is probably retired and prefers not to lounge around his house. He often has a teh tarik or kopi O that can last minimally 8 hours, or until spiders start building their nests there. He is the greatest advisor. Sitting down, he will tell his unfortunate victim golf tropes like: your head move lah, you look up! Keep your elbow together! You are not shifting your weight! Stay still! etc etc. He barks these instructions as if he is running a military camp and he ALWAYS wins. When his victim hits a bad shot, the victim is blamed for not following his (often conflicting and confusing) instructions. When his victim hits a wondrous shot, he would nod his head in satisfaction and confirm that the victim is improving directly due to his supreme advice. The TIU almost never touches the golf club himself otherwise the club would turn to gold at his greatness. Wonderful TIUs are found all over driving ranges across Malaysia.

b) The Talk Cock Uncle  (TCU)

This is the distant cousin on a). Instead of instructing, the free talking uncle is visually identical to the teaching uncle, except – well, he doesn’t teach. He just talks. About everything. And almost as loud as his cousin. His subject can range from golf to drinking to politics to sex to sex to sex and back to golf. His voice range, while usually loud, usually increases exponentially when a girl or aunty with short skirt walks by.

c) The Teaching Boyfriend (TB)

This is a relative to the teaching Uncle. But instead of sitting down and barking orders, the teaching boyfriend can often be found going to and fro from the chair to his girlfriend and adjusting her swing for her, oftentimes regarding her posture, and almost invariably improving her butt protrusion by physically adjusting that abdomen for her, as if it’s a car tyre. The TB is considered a hazard on most ranges because he would be standing in parallel to his girlfriend to observe her swing, not knowing the guy in the next bay is swinging a driver and the back swing would almost chop his head off while his eyes are afixed to his girlfriend’s front assets…i.e her swing.

d) The Family Guy

The family guy treats the golf driving range as his family vacation plan, bringing his entire family (often with a glum faced wife) to the range, ordering copious amount of food and drinks and allowing his cretins kids to roam freely as buffaloes on the prairie. The problem with this guy is that one of his kids invariably runs up and down other people’s bays screaming their little heads off, and in an early age, is then introduced to the wonderful world of cantonese, malay, hokkien, tamil and other language cuss words which will be well remembered and responsibly used as they continue to grow up.

e) The Inspector Gadget

This is quite a guy. Inspector gadgets takes around 15 minutes to set up their tools and another 15 minutes to calibrate the cameras, the swing analyzer, the launch monitor, the alignment sicks etc. Watching him is like watching Thanos getting all the infinity gems together, so intense is this pursuit of absolute greatness. Unfortunately the inspector spends so much time on his gadget, and almost never enough time for his swing and usually plays golf only slightly better than a cat with leprosy.

f) The Millionaire Golfer

This is a relative to Inspector Gadget, but instead of gadgets, he has all the latest clubs. The SIM2? His. The Envroll Putter? His. Honma gold clubs? His. While this beast is rarely seen in public ranges, sometimes they tend to appear and his golf clubs is oftentimes more expensive than the entire property the driving range is built on. They are often serviced by running servants, and have variations to their titles including Dato, Tan Sri, Your Emminence or God.

g) The I-Don’t-Give-A-F*ck Golfer (Or IDGAF)

The IDGAF are often in flocks together. They are the ones who sits in one bay behind the chair, often 5 – 6 of them together, usually in jeans, slippers or inappropriate dressing for golf. They sit together the same way as they would when to do bowling or other social group activities. They often either just have finished karaoke-ing or would be karaoke-ing after the range session, and they would be laughing, talking and ribbing each other. VERY loudly. They can be identified by taking turns in hitting the golf ball and sharing a beat up 7-iron that they found in the trash bin. They are very dangerous species as they generally have no f*cking clue how to hit the golf ball, and often shank, miss, hit backwards or sky it – resulting in dangerous flights of balls whacking into the bay separator with a loud CRASH! and making the other golfers jump and take cover, under their hyena-ic laughter. Generally, we also don’t want to f*ck with them as sometimes they are armed with very impressive tattoos.

h) The Sweet Young Thing (SYT)

This is quite a sight. Golfers are usually male when they are in the public driving range. So when there is an occasion where something in a skirt flashes by, everything becomes hard. As in harder to play because cannot concentrate. What were you thinking? To be a SYT in public ranges, the standard is fairly low. As long as there is a short skirt and slender legs, you will qualify as an SYT. There is no other standards above the waist, except that an SYT should not have a beard. Whoever is next to the SYT, especially the bay directly to her left (if she is right handed) will benefit for viewing her ample…skills in swinging.

i) The Booby Auntie (Boobs)

This is a variation of the SYT except Boobs are usually aunties. Who has large and ample…appetite for golf improvement. The aunties are almost all very serious, usually with lean bodies with tight fitting clothes that announces their assets specifically well. Unlike the SYT, they aren’t as eye pleasing, but to some strange golfers who find the Boobs auntie attractive, these golfers in the next bay usually converts themselves into left handed players to enjoy the…fruits…of their labour.  Whatever rocks their boat. Speaking of lefties:

j) The Phil Mickleson

These are actual golfers interested in improvement but unfortunately they are born left handed, and learnt golf left hand. Because of this, they need to switch around the bay, which isn’t a problem in high class ranges. But in public ranges where the bays are as small as homes in Hong Kong, pairing a left handed golfer swinging a driver, next to a right handed with a driver = disaster. It’s often an excruciatingly experience seeing their driver heads miss each one by milimeters, akin to watching a cable car swinging in a 150mph hurricane.

k) The Entitled Prick Golfer (EPG)

We all know golfing bays are difficult to get during CMCO. The normal SOP is for us to sign in and wait patiently for the attendants to tell us which bay is available. The EPG is the guy that comes in, walking quickly with a large stride as if he has a dongle the size of a horse and brushes everyone aside and demands from the attendants whether there is a bay, ignoring all the disapproving stares from other patient golfers. The EPG is often associated with a large, fast and expensive car that double parks in front of the entrance and has what we term as “Muka Ch*bai”. Everything about the EPG is loud and large, except, invariably the most important thing to be large in life, they usually have a very small variety of.  Hence, they need to compensate.

l) The Neverending Yawning Assh*les (NYA) 

While not as assholic as the EPG, the NYA is just as bad. They are the ones who sits down in a bay, with 100 balls, and hits at the average rate of 1 ball per 15 minutes. After one ball is hit, he stretches, and yawns and sits down again and start looking around, usually for the Booby Auntie or Sweet Young Thing. They never , ever finish their balls and they enter into the twillight zone when they are down to their last 10. It’s like watching Inception where the dream level passes 10x slower than normal. They often can also be found whistling or humming a tune instead of finishing their balls, and this subspecies can be termed as NYA SING due to their singing nature.

In fact, this species can be sometimes amalgamated with the first species (Teaching Instructor Uncle)  and the resulting creature is called TIU NYA SING. Very, very special creature.

m) The Legend

I believe there is only one Legend. This guy is found in the KD range. He is the legend. I was practicing one day when I heard a thunk behind me of the ball hitting the bay separator. Thinking it must be either the IDGAF or a beginner golfer, I didn’t think much of it. Just at my topswing, I heard another thunk! It wasn’t a loud thunk as it would be for a IDGAF doing a full swing with a trash bin 7 iron. It’s not so loud as would make me run for cover. So I stopped and restarted my swing again. Right on my downswing, another Thunk! on the bay separator and made me stop. WHAT THE FOO-CHUK was going on? I looked behind me and glimpsed the first time, The Legend.

He is the legend because he only has ONE range ball. One range ball. But instead of hitting it into the range as all normal species do, he is practicing chipping, and chipping against the bay separator between us. Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk….he is chipping with ONE range ball, using an entire BAY. Against the separator that’s around 2 feet high, separating him and me. He is so legendary that his chip is unerring, otherwise, it would be hitting me.  Thunk thunk over and over. Chipping with one range ball, oblivious to the distraction he is causing to the golfer trying to swing with this damn sound going on.

WHAT.A.LEGEND.