Guthrie Golf Academy – Pitch and Putt

Introduction

For the sake of completeness, sometimes the gilagolfer has to traipse to places where no sane golfers would venture, much less play on. We’ve gone to unbelievably bad golf courses like Frasers and the god-forsaken Mordor-like Selesa Hills. Why do we do this? Because we insist on giving the Gilagolf readers the best, most accurate, most unbiased view of golf courses in Asia. It’s been some time since we set foot on a course that rates AAC (Absolutely Astoundingly Crap), and frankly, I enjoy reviewing courses of this nature more, because it’s simply ASTOUNDING how a so-called golf course can sink to the level of crappiness so bad, that it’s like taking a bath in cow dung for a week and cleaning up later with dog poo. Yep. AAC is exactly that.

Next up is Bukit Jelutong Pitch and Putt course, or better known as the Par 3 course, or Beginner’s course, or mickey mouse course, or a course with no rules. It’s really a prophecy of things to come if nobody actually knows the dang name of the course…here it is:

Guthrie Golf Academy Pitch and Putt Course.

Wow, nice. Bet none of you knew that.

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Travel (4/5)

Traveling to Bukit Jelutong is quite easy. I used to think it was darn far, back in the days when going through a toll to get home from work was like seeing a pink elephant dance ballet in a tutu…i.e non existent. So when Jelutong came up from the palm oil plantation like an oasis in Sahara, most of us city jakuns were like, “WHAT, have to go through toll, one ah??”

Of course, time has changed and now even the names like Puchong or Kepong or Kota Kemuning or Sri Kembangan, or Setia Alam doesn’t strike fear into the traveler’s soul anymore.

Here’s the nice map to Guthrie Golf Academy Pitch and Putt Course.

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Easiest way is to hit the NKVE and head towards Jelutong exit. You can’t miss it. From Damansara toll, stay left, go past the Subang turnoff and head straight, till you eventually come to a three fork road. Forget about the road signs, since in Malaysia, we all know the government hire a team of monkeys to put the signs up behind trees or at intersections when it is too late.

Here’s a nicer view:

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Red is bad. Blue is Good. Don’t turn left to KLIA, but stay on the left lain. There is a smaller lane to Jelutong in the middle. Going right will lead you to Tanjung Rambutan, the insane asylum. Literally.

After Jelutong toll, stay left and turn left. You’ll see the course on the left. You might mistake it as a rich man’s garden. It probably was. There will be a turning to the left and voila, you’re there! Welcome to Malaysia’s pitch and putt!

Price (2/5)

We paid 30 bucks per person to play 18 holes. Yes, I know, it’s illegal, because that’s for 9 holes.  It’s RM40 for 18 actually, but this is one of the very few courses in the world where you can actually bargain your green fee.

Me: 18 holes please.

Guy at Counter (GAC): 40rm

Me: WHAT? That’s expensive!!

GAC: Sorry la bro…that’s the price.

Me: How many people actually play on your course?

GAC: Not many, usually they bring their children to play only (seriously, they do.)

Me: So how to charge me RM40 when nobody even playing? Why not charge me 30 instead of 0, if I decide to not play?

GAC: Yeah, man….correct. OK la, 30.

At this point I bring my fellow flight mates hiding away and all get RM30. Nice.

You can have lots of permutation of such bargaining scenario. In fact, you can take this exercise and apply it across the board to Malaysia’s public service, specifically to our incorruptible police force when they catch you for traffic offences.

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First thoughts

OK, to be honest, I wasn’t really playing at the course. I was caddying for my wife, who is just starting to play this game with her 3 other friends. I thought I can score some brownie points by being a Steve Williams for her. And this Jelutong course is the only course where nobody cares what you do. You can tee off with your underwear and they will still allow you to do it.

So, first tee box, like a good caddy, I walked into the fairway. Squish. Squish. Squish. My FootJoys were water proof apparently but the mud was so deep that immediately my feet were wet and dirty. Note to people playing this course: Please wear Pua Chu Kang boots, not shoes!!

First tee off hits a tree to my right and drops. It’s ok right? No. We went in there with our search lights and the grass was so thick and the ground so damp, the ball was gone. At this point, I realized that this course wasn’t actually just a golf course. It was a candidate for the coveted AAC category. YES!

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Service (2/5)

I’m going to give it a 2 here. Simply because of the inconsistency in how they deal with their prices, and the fact that there is absolutely NO course maintenance whatsoever. It’s simply a course left to die. Plus, we found a loose 7 iron in one of the greens and tried to return it to the clubhouse. I went to the guy behind the counter and he says, go to the pro shop and drop it there. So I went. Pro Shop guy says, look, lost and found at the other counter. Yeah, but that guy just told us to come here. No, insists Mr Pro Shop, drop it there.

Dang it! So I walk all the way back there and voila, the counter guy has gone to god knows where.

What the heck??!

So, I ended up keeping the lousy loose iron and now it’s in my room in case I need to bash a robber’s head.

By the way, one of the guys in our group—funny fellow, was wondering where the buggies were. Beginners: bring your trolleys or carry bags…we’re going to be walking for the next 2 hours, or 3 hours depending on skill, or in some cases, 5 minutes, after giving up on the first hole.

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Fairways (-1/5)

Aha, here’s where the rubber meets the road. A negative rating is only reserved for courses that resembles the rear end of a llama. What can I say? Second hole, one of the players six iron landed in the fairway…missing. This is simply due to the fact that there is no fairway. It’s like playing in mud. The ground is like quicksand. And check out this 9th hole fairway.

Yes, the entire fairway is Ground Under Repair, even the tee box.

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OK, so what?

We teed off about 5 meters away from the green, with a wedge. One of them teed off with a putter. Yes. That’s nice. Why don’t we just get the heck out of here and eat some nasi lemak?

Let’s have a look at this hole again.

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Holy Mackerel. This is supposedly a ‘golf course’. AY CARAMBA!

Greens (1/5)

OK, to be fair, the greens were bad. But not atrocious. As in, I sometimes experience these kind of greens on courses like Bukit Unggul, The Nameless Course in Seremban, Tuanku Jaafar. But these courses are just an inch away from being AAC themselves, so these are really lousy role models to choose from. But of course, for this Jelutong course, it is left for Mother Nature to reclaim back the land, so to have a green by itself is already a miracle. The grass is long, obviously but at least there’s a difference from the fairway. Plus, a few of the beginners actually rolled in 10-15 footers, complete with fist pumps. Can’t beat the fist pumps, so we’re giving the greens a 1.

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Rough(-1/5)

Back to crap land. The rough is…stupid. There’s a difference between being purposely challenging and being too darn lazy to upkeep the course. This is the latter. I mean, here’s a picture of the rough.

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How the blue heavens are we supposed to hit from that? OK, you say that’s OB. Fair enough. But it’s like smack in the middle of the fairway! OK, fine, what about hitting balls right into the rough and not being able to find it? What about the rough being so wet and damp, you sink to your calves the moment you step in. Or what about the fact that the sand is so hard, that you require an axe to get your ball out of it??

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We finally implemented the rare rule of If-It’s-in-the-rough-it’s-automatically-on-the-green. I.e if your ball lands in the rough, due to the dangers of cobras and pythons and lochness monsters, your ball magically is on the green.

Very few people uses this rule, but it’s in the USGA book. Go check it.

Aesthetics (1/5)

Aesthetics? Nothing there for you. The 13th and 14th hole (I think) offers the only holes with water. The 13th is a 130 meter carry over water to a green, or if beginner chooses, to use the ‘fairway’ to the right of the water. The 14th is a nicer looking hole with a straight carry to a large green.

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I think these were the only saving grace for the whole course. If you are looking to play this course, just run all the way to these two holes and continuously hit about 20 balls. You’ll get more satisfaction than playing the whole course, because frankly, all the holes are almost alike. Boring, flat…lousy fairways, lousy roughs, lousy greens.

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In fact, the most interesting I saw was a carcass of a dead cat fish. I.e seriously, it was perhaps the first discovery that may prove evolution exists. This fish decided that the course was just too crappy to take, and the pond was full of poison, thanks to millions of balls deposited into it everyday, that he just decided to get out of the water and go away.

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Obviously, the fish wasn’t evolved yet, so it got about 50 meters from the pond and just kind of died. But seriously, have you ever seen a fish trying to get away from the pond before and die trying? What kind of course is this? It’s so bad that all living things are escaping it.

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Here’s an extreme close up to the fish that wanted to evolve quicker than he should have.Poor Sucker.

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Fun Factor (0/5)

Not fun at all. You’d think you can’t lose balls in a par 3 course, think again. Because the rough and fairway are swamplands, anywhere other than the green, your ball is 50/50 gone. Seriously. I am NOT exaggerating. The drainage is so poor, the grass is so long, there is absolutely no way to find the ball!

And ok, to serious golfers, everytime I give you a pitching wedge in hand, can you absolutely hit the green each time? No right? I mean, if you’re shooting in the 90s, sometimes, you might fly the green, you might pull it, you might push it, you might duff it…what the heck…so imagine beginners, their balls flying 10 feet forward, skirting the ground, or whacking it 20 meters past the greens etc….and one caddy looking for all these balls.

Dang! It’s exhausting!!

They all finally gave up after the 14th hole.

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OK…from 15th to 18th, it’s a straight stretch. What you can do to make it more fun, is to tee off with a driver, or a wood, and play 15th to 17th as a par 4. And 18th as a par 3. That’s exactly what I did with one guy from the group (the other 3 having given up).

Was it fun? No. It was an absolutely waste of time and balls, since I lost two balls on the lalang infested fairways. Curse you, Guthrie Jelutong course or whatever you are called!!!

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Conclusion

OK. I realize that since this is a beginner’s course, we can’t really escape the fact that in our lives, we’ll need to go through this course. But it can only break your golf spirit or make it more resolute to improve so that you will NEVER have to humiliate yourself by going into this course ever again in your life….except with your wife or kids.

The bad thing is that it could be so much better…as a par 3 course, to be really well maintained and fun to play for the family. As it is, due to zero maintenance and just a don’t care attitude from the management, this Guthrie Course has likely descended into the realms of the AAC category.

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The good: Travel time; the lawlessness means you can play with your pants down; reasonable pricing where you can press down like Petaling Street.

The bad: Boy. Everything on the course basically. Look, if a fish is willing to sacrifice to get himself out of the pond to escape this course, why are we even paying to play there? Get OUT of this Guthrie course immediately!!!!

The skinny: 8 of 40 divots (20%). Wow, this course just managed to escape the AAC status. Probably due to the travel time, that saved its neck. But seriously, if you’re looking to play this course, try to search for alternative activities, like growing germaniums or putting your head into an aquarium full of piranhas. You will have more fun in doing those.

Guthrie Golf Academy Information

Guthrie Golf Academy
No 2A, Pesiaran B, Seksyen U8,
Bukit Jelutong,
40150 Shah Alam
Selangor
Contact no: +603-7846 3505

Saujana GCC – Palm (Cobra)

Introduction

Our previous review of Saujana had it at 75%, pretty short of the 90% required for the DAGTH (Died and Gone to Heaven) category, which as of now, none of the golf courses in Malaysia have achieved.

And finally, having just stepped foot in Mines Resort, Gilagolf finally came upon one of the elusive courses of all: Palm Course of the Saujana, otherwise known as the COBRA. I’m actually not sure why it’s called the Cobra, I guess because it’s snaky, or poisonous, or slithery, but you know golf commentators, they really suck at nicknames.

So anyways, I was invited there by a good friend of mine, who was a VIP of the club (somehow through my wayside travels, I will chance upon a VIP here and there), and he needed company for a round and was willing to subsidise the green fee, without which, I would most likely have to pawn off my Tag, seeing that that my income has been severely reduced.

Due to the invitation and probably a flight of prestigious character, I had to cut back my photography spree at the risk of being mistaken for paparazzi and chased off the course with a 7-iron. Hence, the pictures here aren’t that great, but it will have to do.

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Travel (5/5)

Aw, you know how to get there. It’s Saujana! Check my previous post here.

Price (3/5)

After complaining so much about the mythical 400RM green fee of Mines (which so far has yet to be disputed), RM280 ain’t so bad for weekday golf (it balloons to RM400 over the weekend). I was heavily subsidized and even with that, I was forking out 3 figures, so you can imagine.

But then again, pricing against the experience of the course. This is the course where Malaysia Open plays, this is where the British Open qualifiers are. In the case of Malaysian courses, this is as prestigious as prestigious gets. Is it worth RM280 green fee? Well, we complain everything is too expensive, but at the end, this is Saujana Cobra. It’s a whole different kettle of fish. Adding buggy fee and insurance, the price would be RM320 or so. Just try not to get a caddy or you’ll end up tipping more.

After going through the course, you know you will only play if its subsidized, or there is a tourney invite….but due to its prestige, it gets a 3/5 for pricing.

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First thoughts

What can you say? Standing at the first tee, I’m just wondering to myself, hey, I’m standing where Anthony Kim stood a couple of months back when he came for the Malaysian Open. Cool.

I’ve gone for golf tournaments before and stood 3 rows deep at the side watching Prom Meesawat rattle his tee shot at the magnificent par 5 18th and wondered, darn, could I have outdrove him? You know Prom, aka the Big Dolphin, right? He’s like this big teddy bear that lumbers around the course and plays like a god. He’s an inspiration to everyone sporting a belly (which is 99.99% of all casual golfers in Malaysia), that to be cool at golf, all you need is a good pair of sunglasses. Go, Prom!

No, but I came close with a 250m drive past the two fairway bunkers. The amazing thing was I still managed to screw up the hole, it’s just amazing.

Service (4/5)

I don’t have much experience with the service since I didn’t use their caddy, it was just our flight. I think it would be unfair to base it on my previous experience with Saujana, so I’m bumping it a +1 from our Bunga Raya review, just because this is the Cobra and we feel like Prom Meesawat, belly and all.

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Fairways(4/5)

Come on, Saujana, you just shot yourself in the foot to attain DAGTH status! Anything less than perfect will screw up your score. Try as I might, I still found the fairways wanting. I mean, it certainly feels ok, but I recall one hole where my drive landed on the fairway and I saw a bit of bald patch on it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still very good, but not as immaculate as say Tropicana when I played on it the other day.

But Saujana is certainly challenging, each hole having its own character, and even the fairways, reminiscent of Rahman Putra, the same way a Maserati resembles a Proton Waja only by the fact that it has four wheels; the fairways are undulating, snaking its way around the former palm oil plantation. In other words, its not just a matter of landing the ball on the fairway, something we seem incapable of doing; it’s also landing where on the fairway.

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Greens (4/5)

Again, a little disappointed with the greens in Saujana. We played on very slow greens, it was almost as if it wasn’t pressed and at one time it was so frustrating, to see your ball rolling to the hole only for it to careen off target by a little bump near the hole. As far as the condition of the greens, I’d say it wasn’t its best, so it loses a divot here.

But ah, the challenge of the greens. It’s absolutely fascinating to watch your ball go through several breaks and dip down a slope so fast, a slight touch is enough to send the ball to the outer limits of the fringe. Saujana greens are devilish, and requires the utmost precision to play. I three putted several holes and finally resorted to landing short and just chip and putt.

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Rough (5/5)

Ah, now we’re talking. The rough, as Saujana rough goes are the toughest. The grass catches your club, snagging it and making your seven iron look like a piece of stubby wood. It’s punishable by death. I am overlooking the slight wetness of the bunkers due to rain the day before, because it still played well.

Case in point, my playing partner teed up to the right on the final hole 9th (we started back 9). It was a good one, but unfortunately on the slope. Instead of playing it out and taking his medicine, he decided to go for it at an awkward angle, with the ball almost at his waist height due to the slope. He was essentially swinging an axe.

One swing, the ball hopped and moved backwards. This guy is a low teen handicapper and he had just whiffed the ball. He claimed his iron was snagged by the grass and he lost his swing plane. Second swing and blam, shank, it’s still in the hill. Third and SHANK! It goes to the top of the hill.

Fourth shot out and rolled into a drain about 50 metres off the green. Fifth penalty. Sixth he sends it back of the green in deep rough. Seventh, chipped out, flew past the hole and almost greenside bunker. Eight chipped too far. Nine, missed, and folded with a 10, on a par 4. Boom. He still shot 92 with that 10, so imagine if he hadn’t screw up.

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Aesthetics (4/5)

What can we say? While Bunga Raya was nice enough, crossing over to the palm, it’s easy to get blown away. We’re talking about a major character here on this course. This is like the Tom Cruise of Golf Courses in Malaysia. Compare it with, say, UPM or Nilai Springs, which are essentially like Awang Bin Amri or Lim Chin Ho. Don’t know who the heck these guys are? They are bit actors in Cerekerama and a few Chinese Series. I just made up their names, but that just further strengthens my point: Saujana Palm blows these sorry excuse of golf courses away. BLAM!

It’s a mixture of water, undulation, palm trees, jungle vegetation, wide fairways, narrow fairways, big/small greens. It’s like a Bollywood movie. It has everything! Dance, songs, fights, comedy, drama, thriller, horror, politics, love…the whole she-bang. The par 5 13th has an elevated tee shot that overlooks a very reachable green in 2. A great drive and a great 3 wood to clear the water and you’re there.

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Hole 14 is the toughest on the course because it is narrow and long, and filled with well-meaning bunkers. Well meaning to mash up your balls! Golf balls, that is.

I really like the 17th. I hit (finally) a perfect tee sailing from right to left and landed only about 40 meters away. It’s an extreme L shape dogleg left, with water on the left side. As for the 18th, this was where I watched Prom whacked the heck out of his golf ball during the Malaysian Open in 2007. As I was standing there, I hit a great tee shot about 250m, hit a crappy 7 about 100m and then hit the shot of my life with my six to 5 feet pin high. In my joy, I proceeded to miss the dang birdie putt but at least ended a rough nine with two pars.

The par 3 second is both beautiful and vicious. It’s like that bad girl in GI Joe, who looks hot and ultra bad. Or Zhang ZiYi in Rush Hour 2. Or AnakSunamon in the Mummy. Take your pick.

The Baroness  KILLER LOOKS Zhang plays an assassin in \'\'Rush Hour 2\'\' Rush Hour 2, Ziyi Zhang Patricia-Velasquez1.jpg Anaksunamun picture by icarus78

It’s a moderately long hole, 172 yards, but anything short, you have bunkers or it will roll down a 45 degree gradient into the jungle. Anything long and you got an adventure coming back because the green has an extreme drop off and yes, the hole is located at the bottom of the drop off. I hit long (thinking it was 172 metres) and by a stroke of luck, managed to hit my 60 degree soft, landed on the edge and trickled into the green….and it rolled, and rolled…and rolled and rolled….and rolled. YIKES! No wonder it was dubbed the most difficult hole in the country!

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Fun Factor (5/5)

Where to start? Teeing off at 10, it’s a wide nice fairway but the small bunker traps any hookers that stray too near the left side. My first par came on the 12th, where a stray tee shot was recovered from the thick rough.  The very next hole is the reachable par 5 which I proceeded to butcher it with excess force.

The par 4 4th is also reachable from the tee if you hit massive, a dogleg left with water flanking the side. The elevation gives you a good view to strategise. Our strategy has been perfected for every par-4 and par-5:

Smart Golfer inner voice: Hey man, this is short hole, just lay it up with a 3 or 5 wood and you have a full 8-iron in. You’re hitting your eight iron well, man.

Me: Hmm, that’s right, inner voice. Maybe I should —

Stupid, egoistical Golfer inner voice: Eh, dumbo, you pay so much for driver to leave in bag issit? See, the other fella also take out driver mah, after you no face leh. Might as well tee off ladies tee lah, play so chicken.

Me: Darn, you’re right, stupid, egoistical inner voice! Smart Golfer inner voice, I banish you forever! DRIVER!

And I hammered the ball straight into the water. Yaay.

Anyway, you get the gist of it. I know golf is supposed to be with people who make it fun but I am thoroughly convinced that if I were to play alone in Saujana palm, I’d still have one of the most enjoyable game ever. It’s a course that interacts with you, because there’s so much thinking to be done. Obviously, we are not the thinking type which is reflected in our ballooning scores but ah heck, maybe another day.

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Conclusion

Saujana Palm, aka Cobra gets two thumbs and two big toe up from us. We generally hate courses that blow their own trumpet (please see review on Bukit Unggul), but after hacking away the premium course in Malaysia, I can safely say: this is the best course we’ve played so far. If you can afford it, or you know someone willing to subsidise or you have a choice of clubs to choose from for your company event (charged to your company of course), choose Saujana Palm. If not, sell a kidney in the blackmarket. Either way, you gotta play this course.

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The good: Great, great character. Every hole is an adventure, and the game will definitely end too quickly for you on this course. The rough is challenging and the undulating greens and fairways will definitely give you a little fit or two.

The bad: Pricing obviously, but if you had a choice between Mines and Saujana, hands down, take the latter. We also caught Saujana palm on a moderately bad day on fairways and greens, as the condition wasn’t immaculate.

The skinny: 34 of 40 divots (85%). Argh! Few more divots for the elusive DAGTH!!! This definitely wasn’t predetermined because I really thought this course will be the one to get it. What do we need for DAGTH, Pebble Beach?!

Saujana – Palm (Cobra) Score Card

Saujana GCC Information

Address:

Saujana Golf And Country Club
P.O. Box 8148, Kelana Jaya,
46783 Petaling Jaya,
Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia

Contact: +603-78461466

Fax: +603-78467818

Email: golf@saujana.com.my

Website: http://www.saujana.com.my/

Mines Resort and Golf

Introduction

I used to work around Sri Kembangan area, and every morning I’d drive on the highway looking over the mining lake at the green grass of Mines Resort and Golf Club, and often wondered when will I ever make enough cash per month to actually go and play there, since I heard that the green fees are exorbitant. Now there are a few reasons to that:

1)      Tiger Woods played there before for the World Cup Golf 1999. Lots of pictures of him around the club. So many in fact, I think the local Church of Tiger Woods hold their mass here and light candles and sing songs for him. Creepy. I don’t think he’s coming back, Church of Tiger Woods.

2)      Robert Trent Jones designed that course. If you don’t know who he is, well, be like me and Wiki him. All golfers should have some knowledge of these designers so at least we can pretend that we know more about the game than just destroying golf courses.

3)      By pricing it astronomically, it will discourage world class hacks like this writer to decapitate the course, therefore, saving millions on course maintenance fees. Seems like a sound business model, except the only players on a typical weekday on that course are the native gerbils and the occasional squirrel.

The last I know about the green fee was about RM400 per person. Now I believe this is a myth. I don’t know how anyone would be psycho enough to fork 400 bucks to pay for 18 holes, unless it’s St Andrews, Pebble Beach, Augusta or TPC Sawgrass. Definitely not me. I don’t think any of you reading this article as well, unless you earn in USD. In which case, maybe you can donate some cash to me for me to continue reviewing courses?

How I got there? I suddenly I found myself there, invited for a closed tournament to raise charity. Since I didn’t need to cough up the dough, I was more than willing to take a look at the mythical Mines Resort and Golf Club.

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Travel (3/5)

You basically want to get to the Palace of the Golden Horses in Mines. To get there, there are 2 good ways to get there: from the North South highway and from the Bukit Jalil highway.

1)      North-South: Get to the North South highway. For gila readers, you should be as familiar with this highway as you are familiar with your own mother. Serious. This is the gateway to all your golfing paradise. Once on the highway, keep left, you want to turn up the mines flyover before the toll. Look for signs on the left to the Palace of the Golden Horses. By the way, the this is a hotel, not some kind of massage parlour as the name might suggest. Follow the turnoff and you’ll end up in a mini roundabout. Take a 3 o’clock and keep left. You DON’T want to turn down to the Sg Besi Highway again or you’ll have a first hand experience of the brainless way Malaysian roads are made, with the only U-turn 50 kilometres away. Take a left instead and you’ll see the hotel on the right. Just follow along the road and you’ll eventually reach Mines Resort and Golf.

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2)      The Bukit Jalil highway: Take the LDP from PJ heading towards Sunway. Pass the Sunway toll, head straight, go by Kinrara and Bukit Jalil all the way. You’ll see Astro HQ on the left and hit the mini roundabout we spoke about.

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Along the way, don’t be distracted with those houses that look like clubhouses. These are actually private residence, no doubt put there with the express purpose to make us mid-class citizens feel bad about our little terrace homes. I’d like to tee up a driver right at their windows.

Price(0/5)

Before we even start to talk about the course, the myth of RM400 green fees, unfortunately has not been dispelled. As mentioned, I had a free pass that day and after the game, I was just too darn tired to go up to the counter and ask for pricing. All I know was that a member had to bring you in, and you still had to donate a kidney to play here. If someone does confirm that mines costs RM400 for green fees, we’re going to dip it down to negative. As such, we’re willing to be as unbiased as possible and give it just 0. A positive 0, based on unfounded rumours, just like all the articles in our Star Newspaper and New Straits Times. This is what journalist call, creative integrity.

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First thoughts

For the price you pay, you have certain expectations. Face it, that’s how life is. You pay RM10k for a Proton Tiara, you’d perceive it as a piece of junk, which it is. 200K for a BMW, you expect it to perform. If that 200K BMW performs like a junk, you get pissed off. If that Tiara performs like a junk, you’re glad it’s performing at all. Actually, 10K will be too much to pay for the Tiara.

Bear in mind, at RM400 green fees (again, stand to be corrected), you want something mind blowing. Something that takes Saujana and Tropicana and KGNS and spit on them. Something that ranks up there with Pebble Beach or at least gives you an indication that you are some Saudi oil magnate coming to play. You are the king, it has to be something that’s so darn special, you want to take some grass with you, some sand from the bunker and preserve it for your children.

So it was rather strange, standing on the 13th tee (we had a shotgun start) and seeing the grass is just grass, the sand is just sand. In other words: what the heck is the big deal??

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Service (3/5)

We had 2 caddies for our flight. Unfortunately, I always seem to end up with the apprentice. The guy wasn’t that bad (not in looks, I mean in reading the greens), but wasn’t extremely good as well, unlike the other guy hanging out with the other twosome in the other buggy. He read the first green well and I promptly sunk a par putt to start things off. Things began to derail from the 18th (my 5th hole) onwards, when I sunk in a 10. In a tournament, a 10 means certain death. I mean 10! What the heck! Although that’s probably 99% my fault, still, I had to blame someone, so the caddy gets it.That wasn’t too bad, but on the second, fourth and ninth, I had easy putts that were read wrongly and lipped out. I can’t remember if I didn’t listen to him, or he didn’t offer me good advice. Either way, we had to fork out 60 bucks for his service.

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Still, we’re giving a three because Mines is generally well known for good service. They attend to you, tag your bags properly and generally do what a RM400 green fee course should be doing. And the changing room is pretty good. I wanted to take a picture of it, but was afraid that they might jail me for indecent pictures of fat, naked men walking around after golf.

Fairways (4/5)

Ah, now we’re talking.

The Bermuda turf withstood the previous night’s rain pretty well as we had very consistent fairways throughout. It still wasn’t as nice as Tropicana’s in comparison, but it had a carpet-like quality to it, and the drainage was very good. We still managed to mutilate this nice sheet of green blanket with our lousy play but hey, at least it was good while it lasted.

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Greens (4/5)

The greens, likewise were almost perfect. There were a few holes that were patchy, but I’d attribute it to traffic over the day, since we had close to 10 flights, which is probably the same amount that visited this place last year.

I found the green pretty straightforward, without the extreme up and downs or trickiness of Saujana…its only my darn problem that I can’t get the ball in! Darn you caddy!!

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Rough (3/5)

I had no issues with the rough but the bunkers weren’t optimum, with the sand hard packed enough to use pitching wedge to dig in. I was having quite a time with my wedge, especially on the 17th when I pitched in. Normally, hard packed sand would be deemed passable but not when you have a reputation of being the most expensive golf club in Malaysia! I want that fluffy white sand that when you hit it, it comes out in a cloud of white powdery dust!

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Aesthetics (4/5)

Throughout the game, Mines offers a lot of wow. As in, Wow, haven’t I seen this before? Sure! Just head to Clearwaters! The par 4 12th especially with the lake on the left and a slight dogleg left, brings to mind one of the holes with similar set up in Clear waters. I realize that there’s only so much one can do with a golf course before the design starts repeating but hey, if I can recall this, it must really be quite common, since I have a memory of a dingbat.

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The lake really puts a lot of beauty to it, but I wish there were a little more variety, but this is a mining course, so don’t expect a whole lot of trees surrounding it. The par 3s are generally quite pretty, I liked the 7th hole, where the green is ensconced in a little U shape dell, with bushes all around it. Hit it too hard, left or right and it’s into snake land.

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Fun Factor (4/5)

It’s quite impossible not to have fun in a tournament with 10 flights and a shotgun start. I started off pretty well from 13th, with par on the first hole and 4 bogeys, including one pitched in. I unraveled on the 18th with a 10 on a par 5 after shanking 2 balls into deep woods. Let’s see: first shot hit a tree. Second shot tried to slice it around, ended up shanking. Third is on a slope, shank again. (Ever noticed once you start shanking you’re pretty much SCREWED?) Fourth one, decided to play out, hit the darn tree, still in rough. Fifth one pitched out. Sixth one pitched to the green, over. $#*#(@!! Chip back, roll past hole to fringe for 7. Eight, aggressive putt, missed hole. Ninth, easy 4 footer downhill missed. Ended with bloody 10.

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I played 4 bogeys after, then went on a par-birdie-par before double bogeying the 8th and 12th (my last hole) after horrendous tee shots.

One thing about mines was that it really allowed you to recover your shots. There’s not much OB except for the occasional jungle lying up the sides, but you could easily avoid that by aiming to the other side. Now, that is a real genius advice, isn’t it?

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Conclusion

There’s really no way to win anything by pricing green fees so high. The overwhelming feeling we had when we left the place was: it’s a nice course, interesting holes, great maintenance, but would it be worth the price of admission? Probably not. This was probably the first and only time we’ll be coming to Mines Resort and Golf. It’s better to use the money and go Saujana or something. Or Tropicana or even KGNS.

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The good: Great greens, fairway in good shape even after downpour; pretty easily accessible.

The bad: Price. We’ll need to confirm it but if it’s really RM400 or so, it’s just too crazy to pay for a round of 18. Especially when the course doesn’t have that great a character. Better to travel further and play at Clearwaters.

The skinny: 25 of 40 divots (62.5%).

Kelab Golf Sultan Abdul Aziz Shah

Introduction

I remember when I first heard of  KGSAAS, one of my friends pronounced it as Kampung SAAS. In Malaysia, the typical short name for kampung is exactly that: Kg. We like to shorten a lot of words in this country, it makes life easier when we don’t have to pronounce meaningful, whole names.

So for a while, idiocy was passed down and I, like an idiot, always associated KGSAAS as one of the backwater, piece of junk course we have in our country. After all, with a name like Kampung Saas, what sort of course are we actually looking at.

It wasn’t until recently that I was corrected by my merciless golf mates that KGSAAS actually means Kelab Golf Sultan Abdul Aziz Shah, which I think is an even worse name to give a golf club. Seriously, nothing against the guy, but why is it that we have to name everything from airports to clubs to roads after a king whom nobody alive today even remembers how he looks like? Who is this guy? In fact, who’s the guy who’s on our Malaysia ringgit? Is he SAAS?

Note: I think I have to label a “CONTOH” whenever we publish a picture of money, but since this is a link to wikipedia, I’ll let those wiki fellows handle it. I just found out that the king is Tuanku Abdul Rahman, our first king. He should obviously not be confused by Tunku Abdul Rahman, our first prime minister. Wow! I can just imagine the confusion of foreigners when they come: The only difference between our king and prime minister is the letter ‘a’. Imagine the presents and gifts and golf bags that gets mixed up between them.

This similar naming is actually a serious issue. Our old airport was named after Sultan Abdul Aziz Shah and it wasn’t until recently that we knew about it when a poor foreign pilot attempted to pronounced the name by going, “We are now in Seltan Abdul Azeeez Sah International Airport…” and by this time, we were already out of the plane, and in the airport. See ya, poor foreign pilot who is forced to pronounced the real name of our beloved “Subang Airport”! Ay Caramba!

So anyways, back to KGSAAS. Now that we are cleared about this naming issue, away we go!

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Travel (3/5)

Ok, travel is slightly tricky.

As expected, the official website has absolutely no maps at all leading you to their website. The best bet is to either head to google maps and google the place or use a GPS, which seems to be in fashion this day, and which one day may render this section of our review blissfully irrelevant.

Anyways, to make it simple: Coming from the federal highway, head all the way pass subang and exit after the Batu Tiga Toll.  Take the next exit (which is the Subang Hi Tech exit, for all the techies who has been banished there one time or another during our techie careers). Take a right, and you will be on the road leading to Bukit Jelutong. It’s called Jalan Subang (see, imagine the name Jalan Sultan Abdul Aziz Shah, and the amount of wasted metal and paint needed to create the signs!)

Head straight till you see a sign to say turn off left to the Stadium. It’s the first left. You will enter into a road with the majestic (and largely useless) Shah Alam Stadium to your right. Just go along till you reach a round about, and take 3 o’clock. Just keep heading straight and look for the road Jalan Kelab Golf. I think it’s like the 4th left turn or something. You will turn right into KGSAAS.

kgsaas_map

Price (1/5)

The problem with the “Big 3” is the pricing and the exclusivity. What’s the big 3? These are the 3 subang courses, very well reviewed by many other sites, but which, in my humble opinion stinks a little, because they are largely inaccessible. KGNS is expensive. Glenmarie won’t allow walk ins and they are expensive. KGSAAS, taking the cue from the other two more well known courses, decided to get into the ‘slaughter-the-walkins’ program.

We played on a weekday afternoon as walkins. It was RM150. We ended up paying RM30 for our caddie so, per person, I forked out RM165. Ouch. I mean, that has gotta hurt. And is it a special course? Well, to be real honest with you: Not really. It kinda reminded me of Bukit Kemuning for some reason.

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First thoughts

Oops, I preempted myself. Yes, it’s a little like Bukit Kemuning, in a good way. It’s nice and broad. I like. It’s awesome when you see a nice, generous fairway in front of you on the first hole.

Until, you proceed to push the ball so far right, it snaps a tree branch and drops like 70 metres in front of you.

For some strange reason, I’ve been playing like a blind baboon for the past few games. I either snap hook it or push it way right. In this case, I snapped hook my second shot to the fringe, pitched to 10 feet and brushed my par putt to the right. Started ok, but with a swing resembling Frankenstein on ecstasy, I knew I was in for a long day.

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Service (2/5)

Ok, frankly, the caddie sucked. I hate to sound as if  I’m just finger pointing for shooting 95, but why do we pay for caddies? For them to lose balls for us? For the first five holes, I was actually doing reasonably well, thanks to some unworldly putting to overcome my embarrassing drives (which were ok, because of the wide fairways). I was +4, and then my entire game unraveled over one incident. I pushed my tee shot right to a clump of trees. Caddie says, “Can find!” and no, not really. She couldn’t. In fact she didn’t help me look. She just kinda hung around the shade, in the buggy, till I told her to come and look. By then the back flight was on us and I had to take a 2 stroke penalty, hit the green in 5 and two putted for my triple. Same thing in the next hole, where I had to discover the ball on my own.

Of course, it’s really not entirely her fault that I was taking a beating from a relatively easy course, but you know at least, help find a few balls!

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Fairways (4/5)

Ah, now we see what the fuss is about.

Bombers will have a rollicking time here. The fairways are inviting, broad and well manicured. Sure, it wasn’t in the best of shapes, but still, most of the holes pretty much invited you with the driver and when you snap hooked it, you end up in the forest, OB. It’s deceptive in that manner. I like the Par 5 12th, which you can reach in 2. A good drive pops you down to a generous hilly fairway and a 3 wood should end up making it.

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Greens (4/5)

The greens played exceptionally well. We couldn’t really read the speed right, but the one thing about KGSAAS was that they have huge greens. And table top on the first nine. We generally like table top greens as much as we like having our nose hair yanked out, so it’s a pretty harrowing experience. I had a few instances where a decent ball from me (a decent ball now means a ball with a slight hook and not veering to the left and killing a mockingbird), landed on the slope at the side of the green and careened into the rough. In fact, I had a few decent 120-140metre shots that were so pretty good but bounded off the table tops. Other shots were pathetic, so it won’t matter whether they were table top or bowl shape or whatever.

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Rough (3/5)

Not so awesome.

I’m saying not because I spent my entire game hitting from the rough (I hit a total of 4 fairways!), I’m saying because it’s unfair. I can’t find my dang balls. True, I had a half blind, lazy caddie, but you know, it’s frustrating when you know that it landed but then it’s lost. And don’t say I suck and don’t deserve to find my balls. Everyone deserves a second chance, especially a duck hooking guy who struggles to bogeys most holes. The good bit was the bunkers were very well maintained…which goes a long way impressing us. (See our take on Kinrara and Bukit Unggul for bunker nightmares)

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Aesthetics (3/5)

Perhaps I spent too much time looking for balls or playing from the rough, but I didn’t really notice anything about KGSAAS that really stood up that made you go: WOOOW! It’s more like, ok, here we go, get this thing on the fairway and move on. It’s wide, open and not really hilly. Can’t really place the characteristic of the course, but it’s pleasant without being bewitching or too plain. It’s like my Nissan Sentra, you know, pretty functional, lopsided to good looking, not great looking, and having a pretty good mileage on it.

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Fun Factor (3/5)

Ah, the most subjective part of our already subjective review. Did I have fun? Here’s how I started: 4 bogeys and a par to start the game. Not bad right? I mean, here’s a rusty swing.

Then the caddie fiasco occurred on hole 6 and here’s how it went:

Triple-Double-Bogey-Double-Triple-Double.

+13 over 6 holes!

Yes, I’m whining.

Yes, I know the caddie probably had about 0.001% to do with my +13.

Yes, I know I am not getting popular by stating this.

But it’s still partly her fault!

Managed to steady the boat in the final 4 holes with +1 over them. But the damage was done over that 6 hole stretch.

But a few other flight mates had good fun on some holes, including near miss birdies. It’s a course where you definitely can have fun because once your drive is on fire, you can just take out this course like a sniper in a room full of buffaloes.

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Conclusion

KGSAAS, despite of its unfortunate sounding name, is a course I’d like to play in again. It’s a great, open course, and someone who can bomb drives will eat off his competitors like hyenas on a mother hippo (as you can see, my similes are deteriorating to a point of no return). The first obstacle needs to be crossed: that extreme price tag. Your options are really to:

1)      Get a membership here (which might work in the long run)

2)      Start betting big bucks and hope you win

3)      Sell your kidney or liver

Special Note: Lostangel kindly commented on the pricing below:

Dude, they have the infamous ‘Monday Special’, for weekdays…its about RM80 plus per person I believe….I just played there 2 weeks ago.”

So that gives us the fourth, which is probably the best option: PLAY ON MONDAY! You’ll probably need to call in sick or utilise one of the 1001 excuses from the Lame-Excuse-For-Ponteng-Work book; but at RM80, it’s a very good deal.

Thanks, Mr. Angel!

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The good: Great, wide fairways; well manicured greens and good bunkers; challenging table top greens demands accurate approaches.

The bad: The price is borderline insanity…wait, no, it’s officially insanity; caddies are next to useless if you get the bad ones; unfair rough; so-so looks.

The skinny: 23 of 40 divots (57.5%). If we can only get past the crazy pricing, this is a course to return to. It’s also a great introduction to rich, wealthy beginners who can pay for the fee, because the wide fairways are heaven for those poor drivers like me. Wait, we can go to Bukit Kemuning for a lot cheaper. Onward Bukit Kemuning!

KGSAAS Scorecard

kgsaas

KGSAAS Information

Address:

Kelab Golf Sultan Abdul Aziz Shah
No.1, Rumah Kelab,
Jalan Kelab Golf 13/6,
40100 Shah Alam,
Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia.

Contact: +603-55128853

Fax: +603-55105860

Email: fiza@kgsaas.com.my

Website:http://www.kgsaas.com.my

Bandar Utama Golf Course

Introduction
After a long lay off, I finally dusted off the dirt from my clubs for a quick nine in Bandar Utama. It was a simple golf game, basically with a couple of beginners, and also to get the rust out of my system. And what better place than our old hunting ground, what we know as BU course, or BU9 or sometimes, in our best mood, that piece of cr** that disguises itself as a golf course. So on a cloudy Sunday morning, we teed up on a course we haven’t seen for more than a year.

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Travel (2/5)
This is obviously a very contentious point, because if you’re from Penang or something, it’s absolutely pure insanity that you would want to drive down all the way to play on this course, as you will soon see. I mean, it’s like paying a billion dollars to buy a Preda, Louis Vitton or a Gutci handbag, and those are the correct spelling. Or a Rollex, Tag Higher or Ohmega wrist watch. In other words, absolutely pure insanity.

But you know, as mentioned before, the rating system is obviously very biased in terms of convenience to the one actually writing it, and for this particular person, a drive to Bandar Utama is a breeze.

It’s one of our courses that probably don’t require a map but we’re going to put it in anyway for the sake of looking professional.

bumap

OK, so take the sprint highway heading towards the Damansara Toll (for Pj folks, that’s the one that you hit when you want to go to the airport). Go up at the Sony flyover to get into Bandar Utama, and turn right at the lights. Go straight till you see Bandar Utama College on your left, and take that turning leading to the college. On the map, it’s called Persiaran Utama.

Keep going straight, go past a few bumps, ignore the first left and take the second left, despite warning signs of danger and death. It’s going to look as if you’re going into a mining site, or some kind of POW camp, but you will emerge and see a parking lot on your right and a small little hut that passes off at the club house. Remember what we said about telling a golf course from it’s club house. Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the Bandar Utama Golf Course.

Price (2/5)
We forked out RM53 for 9 holes, which on a prime time like Sunday morning, is pretty decent, I guess. It gets down to about 40 plus during the afternoon. It’s of course a little premium for the convenience, but we need to temper that price with how the course is, and matching price for course, it gets a below par 2. I mean, think about it, if RM53 gets us 9, RM106 gets us 18, which is more than we pay to tee up at Kinrara on a Saturday morning utilizing our AGN membership. And you know sometimes you’re fat and you stand next to a fatter guy and everyone starts thinking you’re thin? This Bandar Utama course makes us think that when we die and go to heaven, Kinrara course will be waiting for us. We begin to yearn for the course which, as we have already reviewed, is a pretty much extended copy of a moderate to frustratingly crappy course as well.


First thoughts

Ok, I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t even want to review this course in the first place, that’s why all the pictures are taken from my camera phone. It was until the second hole that I decided to review it and let you know what me and my buddies think.

First thoughts when you see the club house, especially on a weekend, is:

“Wah, so many people one ah?”

In fact, it often seems that the entire population of PJ has decided to gather on this tiny plot of land for the sole purpose of cangkuling the ground and making life a miserable, living hell for other jokers who have also gathered for the sole purpose of cangkuling and miserabling. It’s one big pile of mess, because of it’s convenience, every Tom, Dick and Sally, Aunties and construction workers are here to pitch their new found skill on this game of golf.

It’s generally a lose-lose situation here. Because as beginners, having a huge gallery looking at you is probably not the best way to get to your first tee. But you have to tee up and with sweaty palms, and knocking knees you stand over the ball which suddenly looks smaller than a plankton and you proceed to skim the ball 20 feet in front of you and embarrass your family name. This slows down the game, but there’s no way out of it, as you go on and cangkul onwards miserably. And this repeats itself as flood after flood of beginners pack the starting tee.

And as long as we are here, we’re all beginners, so there’s really no point in getting overly frustrated over the lack of skill displayed.

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Service(1/5)
OK, the service sucked. Signing in is easy itself, but we had to wait additional 40 minutes because they ran out of buggy. I mean, ok, fine, I get it, your course is so popular than all your buggies are snapped up by 730. So, if you come at 8:30 am, you’re in deep crap because you don’t have buggy and you have to wait till at least 945 for the first flight to complete.

We thankfully came about 9:15 ish so it wasn’t too long before we haggled over a buggy and drove off to Tee 1. The buggies are new, which begs the question of “Who the heck is investing into this forsaken place anyways?”

On Tee 1, it gets worse. You will see a long line of buggies in front of you. And because these are typically beginners, no one has any idea of any ethics. There was a flight in front of us with 2 people. And in front of them, a flight with 2 people. And in front of them was a fourball.

What’s the rule here?

The two balls join together right? I mean, balls here mean the flights, because my statement there might get some of the more depraved readers chuckling. Two guys just say “Hi, can we join you” and make a fourball and everyone  gets moving along.

But due to the lack of governance on the course, and the obvious lack of any marshal whatsoever, all rules are thrown out the window. The two marsupials in front of us absolutely did everything in their power to avoid eye contact with us, who threw them dirty looks and when one of us said aloud: “Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if it was all fourball instead of two balls, right?” they pretended they were Micronesians who didn’t speak a word of English.

I mean, come on, would it kill you to say hi and join the darn flight in front? Would it kill you to actually learn a little about golf ethics? Would it really kill you if for once in your life, you become a little more considerate and stop making life a miserable, living hell for the rest of the PJ population waiting for you to get out of the way?

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Fairways (0/5)
From here on, be prepared for a free fall down hill. With that amount of golf newbies on a course with 9 holes, there is absolutely no way that the fairways can even resemble anything close to a golf turf. Most of the time you’ll find your ball either stuck in mud or simply sitting on a patch of sand. In fact, we recommend you steal a driving range turf and just carry it around with you and use it, because with the ground blasted to bits by relentless golf clubs coming too steep, it resembles Omaha Beach on D-Day.

Also, aside from hole 1,3 and 5, the rest of the fairways are forbiddingly narrow. It’s not due to the intelligence of the designer, but rather the limitation of the land. Like its big brothers Seri Selangor and Monterez, BU Course is another reason why so many beginners give up the game in the first place, after losing 60 balls into oblivion.

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Greens(1/5)
The greens fare slightly better, but it’s not to say it’s good. It’s just better than the fairways. The greens are not pressed or maintained, so it’s just there, with different speeds, mainly excruciatingly slow and unpredictable. There are a few undulations or interesting greens like the massive one at the par 5 third. Or it can resemble a temporary green like the one on the 4th. Needless to say, I have never seen a green mower in my life in BU course, so I am guessing that they train gerbils to nibble away and trim the greens to its current, low grade condition.

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Rough(-1/5)
I can only post up these pictures of horror for your viewing.

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The problem with BU is that it seems to be in construction all the time. If it’s not one condo, it’s another office block. It generates a foul stench, especially at the unplayable second. And come on, look at this piece of crap. You’re kidding me.

It gets better as you ‘cross over’ to the 4th (literally, you need to cross over the road), but the same soggy ground is prevalent. Your ball goes into the rough, it’s bye bye. It’s either plugged or stolen by those darn maintenance gerbils.

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Aesthetics(2/5)
Why do we give this a 2, despite everything points to a -10?

To be fair, if you can get past the second hole, BU course can pass off as an acceptable looker. The same way as how any normal human with 2 eyes, 2 ears, a nose and a mouth will generally not draw gasps of disgust, BU course is typically a narrow, constipated, forest surrounding course, with very typical scenes. The ugliness is in the construction around it.

To be fair, they’ve made some changes in terms of beautifying the place, by placing proper embankment on the par 5 3rd. They also seem to be investing to build a community center with swimming pool at the side of hole 1. Without a side net however and one of our group promptly shanked his second shot into the currently unoccupied pool.

And to be also fair, the par 5 3rd is quite a good challenge. A good drive puts you about 180 from the green but you need to float up a 3 wood over water to an almost inaccessible green with water in front, right and back. A small bailout is to the left but pull it, it lands into water.

The par 5 sixth is also reachable in 2. It’s a curious hole with a cliff on the left for your wayward balls to rebound from into the fairway. In fact, in our flight, two guys careened their balls from the walls safely onto the fairway. Mine also pulled but landed inside a bush instead. Bollocks!

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Of course, the signature is the par 3 seventh. It’s an extremely elevated tee box looking over the next two holes. It’s quite enjoyable but serious hard work in gauging the distance and keeping your ball from yanking left to OB. It’s also OB right, with a pond in front, and a steep drop off to the back.

A lot of people overshoot the green because it states like 165m or something. In fact, go for your 150m club, like your 7 and you’ll get it on safely. This is pretty much the saving grace of the entire course. Feel free to pile in 3-4 balls to the green while you’re here, because after this, it’s going through the slog again.

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Fun Factor(1/5)
Fun? Nobody has fun in Bandar Utama Course. Due to its constipated heritage, it’s sheer torture to go through it and also to watch those marsupials in front of you go through it because they take so long to look for their darn ball. In fact, the flight in front of us actually went into the construction site searching for balls. I mean, are your balls studded with Tiffany diamond rings or something? Golf balls, I mean.

This course also carries the distinction of a 9 hole course that takes an 18 hole duration to play. We teed up about 9:45 and finished almost at 12:30 pm. It took us an hour plus to just slog through the first three holes. They should advertise it: “Make your 9 holes feel like 18 holes!” Half the time you will spend waiting, ball juggling, playing chor tai tee, watching movie on your ipod video or generally wondering how you could have spent your morning sleeping instead of standing in a stinking golf course waiting for the fellas in front of you to hit their diamond studded balls.

In our group the two beginners had their share of joy when one hit the flag pole to get a par and the other bombed a 25 footer through sheer luck to get his birdie on the par 4 eight. He leapt up and screamed in joy, as if he scored the winning goal in the world cup, and finally started smiling, after shooting about 110 on the first six holes.

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Conclusion
Despite of it being graded a complete waste of time and money, it escapes the dreaded AAC (Absolutely Astoundingly Crap) grading due to its location. Like it or not, people and us included will probably return now and then to play it because of its convenience and the fact that it’s the course that all beginners will start with. It sucks, but that’s life right. You most likely will enjoy it as much as having your wisdom tooth extracted with a BOSCH drill, but if you last to the par 3 seventh, then at least you can have some fun there.

But once you are a decent player, or once you record your first par and birdie, make arrangements to flee the place. Consider yourself graduated and look forward to a lifelong struggle with more worthwhile courses like Kinrara or Bangi or Seri Selangor.

DSC00307.jpg picture by gilagolf

The good: Location, location, location. Also par 3 seventh signature hole is worth playing a few times; the de facto beginner’s course, so most people will forgive you for hacking the ground to death and playing like a complete nut.

The bad: Boy, there’s a lot. Wait time is crazy; no governance on course; no golf ethics; stinking fairways; absolutely awful rough; and be prepared to lose a dozen balls or so, so please take all the old driving range balls and use them, and keep your diamond studded balls at home.

The skinny: 10 of 40 divots (25%). If you just started golf, you can’t escape this. It’s like ragging, a rude welcome to the game of golf. You won’t enjoy it but you will need to go through it and get stronger as you level up, like World of Warcraft. Once graduated, don’t look back to this heinous piece of course ever again…unless you need to accompany other beginners.

Templer Park Country Club

Introduction

I’ve waited quite a long time to play at Templer Park, and thinking that my game was coming around after an 83 at Bangi, I was pretty confident of doing well. See, Templer Park is a player’s course. So if you do well there, you know you’re getting somewhere in your game. Plus, it’s quite a premier course as well, and after seeing pictures of that mountain thingy (it’s called Takun Mountain, though it’s really theoretically a limestone rock), it’s a must play course for Gilagolf, up there with Clearwater, Saujana, Palm and Datai.

Travel (3/5)

As a kid, I recall traveling for hours to get to Templer’s Park. It used to be so darn far! Now with the wonderful advent of modern roads, pristine Malaysian forests are plowed down so we can get from the city to the remaining pristine forests in shorter time. The easiest way is from PJ, head over to Kepong. After the LDP toll, stay right and go up the flyover and you’ll be heading towards Batu Caves. Look for signs for Ipoh where you’ll need to turn off. At the roundabout, take a left and you’ll be on the old Ipoh road. From there, it’s 21 KM down a scenic drive and you need to make a U turn and Templer’s Park Golf is on your left. You’ll come to a T junction and you’ll see Templer and Perangsang, i.e Heaven and Hell. Guess which one to take?

The only disadvantage is that it gets very jam during rush hour. The entire area is clogged up for some reason, and though it’s accessible, you need to leave early to get there in time. Oh yeah, Templer Park is very anal about their tee time. You miss it, it’s too bad for you. You’ll get bumped down the food chain.

Price (2/5)

The cheapest way to play at Templer is to purchase the Top Premier book for about RM160. It has 2-3 vouchers for Templer park, and you end up paying about 50 bucks or something to play. Else, if you’re a walkin, you’ll be spitted upon and charged 135RM for a weekday. Seriously, get the Top Premier book.

Now, I understand if it’s RM135 on a weekday. I get it. It’s a top course. It has many Japanese speaking people there. It has this huge hill that looks like the crystal rock I have on my office table. I get it. What I don’t get is this: WHY ARE YOU CHARGING US NORMAL PRICE WHEN YOUR COURSE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT PLAYING NORMAL??

It gets a 2, and you’ll see later what we’re so pissed off about.

First thoughts

Class. Those were my thoughts. I liked the changing room. You take off your shoes. Very Japanese. I liked the F&B area, there’s a wide garden and the huge lime rock looks over you. And the course looks fascinating. Everything here reeks of class…and I think for a change from all the other golf clubs, it really is cool. And also, one of the Gilalogy is this: If there’s a course that is next door or nearby, almost always your course will be extra good, if it’s the better one. Look at Kota Permai. It overshadows Bukit Kemuning. Palm Garden overshadows UPM. Across the road here is Perangsang. I’ve never played there, but I heard it’s a poor man’s Templer. So, we’ll give it a miss for now.

Service (4/5)

The moment you get down from your car, you’ll be greeted by eager caddies. I like the service for the little things they do. Like having a specially modified buggy to take the golf sets without piling them lock stock and barrel into a normal buggy like the stupid Bukit Kemuning and Tiara Melaka. It’s very considerate of them. The check in was quick and painless, the locker room clean, and the buggy waiting area very orderly. The caddie needed some work, because she kept giving me the wrong yardage and she couldn’t find my ball on the third hole when I clocked up a triple, but overall, very good service.

Fairways (2/5)

Ok, now you will see why we’re so pissed.

The first 3 fairways were unplayable. That’s right. I mean this wasn’t just a part of it that was being maintained. They were ripping up the entire course! I see chunks of dirt and carpets of grass littering the whole course like gigantic cow dung. I see casual water around the first fairway, I see my ball resting a huge clump of dirt and I can’t even drop, since, the whole fairway was stuffed up. Holes that you could sprain your ankles in. For a while, I wanted to march back up to the nice registration lady who gave me an A Class service and shout, “I PAID RM135 FOR THIS?!”

Of course, in a civilized world, that would be unacceptable, so we bit the bullet, struggled through the first few holes.

After the 3rd hole, the fairways finally reverted back to normal condition, which was pretty good. But it doesn’t save it. You charge me RM135 to essentially play 16 holes since the 2nd hole was a par 3.

Greens (4/5)

Thank God they weren’t messing around with greens as well. Templer green was almost perfect. We were all a little spoilt after Beringin, but it held up to the rain very well. One thing about Templer is that the greens are huge. I don’t know if it’s me, but regulation doesn’t mean a thing. I thought my putting was pretty ok, but I struggled like a monkey getting the speed right. At the par 5 12th, I made a complete fool of myself, where putting off the front, I putted off it, and three putted back in. It was just one of those days. I think we were all a little upset over the condition of the fairways, since all of us struggled the first few holes.

Rough (3/5)

The rough here punishes us in a way that Clearwater does. Because Templer is deceivingly long (at 6150m, it’s medium but for some reason, it plays almost 300m longer), the rough catches your ball and turns your par 4s to par5s and your par5s to God knows what. I was actually driving very well—I avoided the dreaded duck hook, my crapshot, and this time, I was pushing the ball right (which was an improvement to me, trust me). Several times I landed into trouble with the ample water, but the first 9 was supposed to be easier, and I scored a massive 49 on it. Most of this was because of the bunkers.

There is a LOT OF BUNKERS. Can’t say anything anymore. It severely degrades your game when you hit a bunker, hit out and hitting 3 into the green from 140 – 150 meters and hope it’s close for par or at least bogey. Make a mistake and hit one in the bunker again, you’ll likely look at some inflated scoring.

Aesthetics (5/5)

The selling point is always the aesthetics of Templer. With that gigantic crystal rock overlooking everything, every hole plays to its shadows. It’s quite imposing, and we played the first nine under clear skies, but the weather made a U turn and down came the rain again, spoiling another good game.

When the rain dissipated, the course took on an even more surreal look; with low hanging clouds hugging the Takun Mountain, and drifting around the course. Templer is quite a beauty, every hole bringing in a different look. The par 4 3rd plays flat as flat can be; yet the imposing 15th par 5 is framed by jungle on both sides and takes a huge dive down into the green; cascading down like a lush, green waterfall. The snarling 169m par 3 8th requires a deadly carry over water, and bunker. The magnificent par 4 12th takes a risky path over jungle down to a narrow strip of fairway. The beautiful par 3 16th, a elevated tee shot to a green peeking over a brook, that has a stone bridge across it, a’la Hogan Bridge in Augusta. The par 4 17th, at 425 is highly impressive, and with a good drive and a hybrid, I only managed to kiss the front lip of the humongous green.

And of course, the signature ending hole, the 18th. The mountain looked down at us, frowning at our antics as we smashed 3 balls each to see if we can get it up to the upper tiered fairway, across the lake. The carry over water was about 210 meters or so, and with 3 balls, I managed to cross but couldn’t get it to the upper tier, settling at a small landing area about 90 meters from the hole. Only one of us, with a massive drive managed to reach the top tier. He skulled his approach and settled for a bogey while I parred it, and brought back at least a good memory of my otherwise forgettable game.

Fun Factor (4/5)

It’s not often you can say you had a lot of fun when you stumble to a 94. I actually played better than I scored, for once. And strangely played better at the harder 9 coming in. Except for the first hole, I didn’t descend into my patented crapshot, the low duck hook that veers right to left about 100 meters down the other fairway or right into OB. Of course, I went to the other extreme, the big push to the right, which caused my triple bogey on the 3rd by blasting it over the fence into oblivion. Two holes later, I pushed my shot into the lake, hit my 3rd into the rough, lost it (this is where I was a little annoyed with the caddie), chipped illegally my 6th and carded my second triple. I had 2 doubles on both sides of the nines, but I actually played a lot better after the downpour except for the stupid shot at 16th where I duffed it into the drink.

There are a couple of things you need to be careful of:

1) The distance markers suck. Really, they do. They actually measure only to the front of the green, usually where the deep bunkers lie in wait. In the cart, there is a crude drawing (I wished I photographed it!) of the pin positions of the day and additional yardage calculation. Why they do this, only heaven knows. It’s not as if we are smart enough to keep referring back to the drawing. We usually just get down from the buggy, walk and hit, and walk again. Which brings me to my second point:

2) The caddies aren’t superb either. Actually we only had one, and she wasn’t great. She kept giving us yardages that were shorter. She claims she’s calculating in meters and telling us to the middle of the flag but she’s lying. I doubt she can calculate yards to meters on the fly. I bet she’s simply subtracting 30 away, because Templer’s average yards per hole is 375, which is about 343, so minus 30 right. Now if it’s 100 yards, she’ll say its 70 meters. But it actually is 91.44 meters! CRAPSHOOT! So lots of the high score came not from lousy shots but from shots that were short. And in Templer, short means in the drink or in the bunker. Beware of the converting caddie. Just tell her to give you in yards and you make your own judgement.

3) Your buggy can sit 4 people! It’s crazy cool! Of course it’s more difficult to control, but hey, it’s quite a good invention. Drive with care….

4) Templer Park’s notorious for having ghost stories. One of it was that on the backswing, you’ll see your caddie at the corner of your eye behind you, but when you’ve hit it, she’s in front of you. Another one is that the ghost will applaud and say “Good Shot!” in one of the par 3s. Another one is that they will see an extra ball on the green. Another one is that when your ball goes into the jungle, it will be thrown out again. I like the last ghost best, but I didn’t see any of it, so I’ll just assume as I always do, that ghosts are a bunch of bollocks. Here’s what I got from a forum:

Prisoners were executed and buried here during the 2nd. world war by the Japanese army. Coincidentally this golf course was the first to introduce night golfing. But night golfing stopped after a short while.”

Conclusion

Except for the first three holes, the experience of Templer Park was really good. First, you’ll need an A game here. OB doesn’t often come in play but the bunkers really kill you. They are littered everywhere! For a course that’s not too far out of the way, its striking beauty will definitely leave an impression on you. The holes are championship material, the course well designed, and the greens very well maintained. If they fix their fairways, this will be an A-list course for sure.

The good: Decent travel time; superb scenery; greens are almost immaculate; tough, challenging rough forces you to keep the ball in the short stuff; every hole has distinct personality; 4 seater buggy is a cool idea.

The bad: The price! With lousy fairways, they should be decent enough to slash it for us; distance hard to gauge; caddie is below average, yet have to tip her; tougher back 9 for short hitters; ghosts don’t throw the ball out; monkeys will attack your buggy (serious this one).

The skinny: 27 of 40 divots (67.5%). It’s not the best we’ve played but for the view, it’s definitely worth braving the jam and ghosts to get there. If you do well here, you’ll probably do well in most courses in Malaysia. A definite go for us.

Templer Park Scorecard

Templer Park Information

Address:

Templer Park Country Club

KM21, Jalan Rawang, Rawang

48000 Kuala Lumpur,

Selangor, Malaysia

Contact: +603-60919111

Fax: +603-60919807

Email: many_sp@tpcc.com.my

Website: http://www.tpcc.com.my/

SSG Beringin Golf Club

Introduction

You know the school nerd that suddenly gets hot once she gets past the teenage years? Well, we’ve been hearing a lot about Beringin for some time. Now, I have never played there before but I recall one day, early in my golf career, when I was cangkul-ling the ground at Bukit Beruntung, I complained out loud to my brother: “We traveled all the way for this??” Because, at that time, Beruntung was crap. I don’t know how it is now, but it used to be the entire fairway was like a giant bunker. Not only for one hole. But for 18 bloody holes!

My brother responded, “You should be glad you’re not at Lembah Beringin, it’s even worse!”

And from there on, Lembah Beringin has become synonymous to crap, lousy, piece of stool, mother of all crappy courses, a gigantic piece of dung…you get the idea. It seems awfully unfair to rate it like that before we even see it, but you know, I have a high regard for my brother’s advice. And anything worse than Beruntung has gotta be something beyond our wildest nightmare.

Recently we keep hearing how Lembah Beringin has changed, due to Saujana taking over. Now, Saujana are the geniuses who gave us Impiana and of course Saujana course. Golfers who went to Beringin, came back with wonderful tales of a glorious change, of a magnificent course worthy to be a championship course. It wasn’t just a name change—ditching the unpronounceable-to-foreigners ‘Lembah’ was a good idea. It removed any obvious name jokes golfers are so notorious for: like Lembik Beringin, (Weakling) Lembu Beringin (Cow), Lemas Beringin (Drowning), Lebam Beringin (Bruising). Golfers who crack such stupid jokes and laugh at it should be shot on sight with a 12 gauge shotgun, and remains fed to hyenas.

Anyway, due to such exciting news of the newly called SSG Beringin, we packed up into a car and headed up north to this mythical course.

Travel (3/5)

We absolutely hate traveling to the northern course (i.e north of Klang Valley). Where as you see the southern courses are all closely clustered (Bangi, Kajang, Palm Garden, UPM, Impiana etc), the northern courses always feels as if you need to pack your passport. Anything after Rawang, and we’re hitting the outer reaches of space. But we’ll try to be fair and give more points to courses that are easily accessible, even if they are located in Timbuktu. To get to Beringin (we will just call the darn course SSG now, shall we?), it’s easy, head to the NKVE (you know how to get there don’t you?), easiest from the Damansara Toll, and head to Ipoh/Rawang. You will travel a long, long time, past Rawang, past Bukit Beruntung and finally arrive at the Lembah Beringin Exit. Take that and ta-da! The course is right next to the turn off. It’s that easy. In fact, it’s so easy, it doesn’t even need a map. If you can’t find it, you don’t deserve to be called a fully functional seeing man. Or woman, as if women actually read this blog.

Because it doesn’t try to purposely waste our petrol like Bukit Unggul, we are going to give it a 3. It’s far, but it’s easy to find.


Price (4/5)

We paid RM65 all in, and they didn’t force any caddy on us, which is good, because we don’t like paying extra, especially after burning so much petrol to get here. In fact, I’ll have to admit, the price was pretty good, considering we were walk ins and in normal cases, walk ins are treated only slightly better than the cow dung remover. Not the person removing the cow dung, but the actual equipment itself. So it was good that they didn’t slaughter us with some ridiculous pricing like 120RM or something, and use the Saujana name to justify the price.

First thoughts

One guy from my flight mentioned that Beringin was a short and easy course.

“No OB one!” he stoutly declared.

He is obviously one of those who fall under the non functional seeing man category. The first hole itself was a daunting dogleg right, to cut, you have to fly over the jungle. I made it, but took 3 to get on and stupidly 3 putted for a double bogey start.

The course was short, definitely. Easy? Not really.

Service (1/5)

Service is definitely not their strongest point. Firstly, the registration girl was so slow, we thought we had entered into an X dimension where time is slowed to half. Seriously, she was just staring blankly at the computer screen for a few moments while the queue was piling up behind us. I finally had enough and got my friend to stand in there while I changed. The changing room wasn’t any better. It had a musty smell of bad ventilation. I changed and came out after 15 minutes, and yep, the line was still there, and we still had to wait.

The cracker would be this. Apparently, this club has no sirens. Sirens, as in not the mythical sea creatures, but the ominous horn that sounds the death knell for all golfers: lightning, stop playing. We struggled through our round with heavy rain at the later half, and as we didn’t hear the siren, we thought, well, let’s trust the club’s lightning meter and play on.

It finally struck us as we teed up the 18th in a blizzard like rain, with no visibility and sheets of water cascading down on us, and us drenched to the bone; that we might not have heard the siren go off. Surely, that was a flash of lightning. And another and another. And here’s like a whole series of them, crackling up above us, as the wind whipped up water like Noah’s flood. We looked around us and saw we were right under high tension wires, carrying probably 1000000 volts of electrical current, in a thunderstorm.

We abandoned the last hole, put in an arbitrary score and headed back to the clubhouse. We went straight to the marshal sitting there, warm as a puppy, with a sleepy look on his face and we demanded, where the heck was their siren? Did it sound at all?

With a shrug, he said, “Tak Tahu”, which translates to, “Don’t know, but you are morons to be playing in this weather.” I doubt there’s any sirens in this club! DARNIT! We could have been fried chicken out there! How can you NOT know if there was a siren or not?

Fairways (2/5)

Bah, cowgrass. I hate to sound picky, since my home course is also cow grass, but after playing in Bermuda, going back to cowgrass simply sucked. Plus, the fairway wasn’t holding up well in the rain. At times, I had to wade through the water to get to my ball. Even the second hole, a long 525m par 5 had fairways narrower than Kate Moss, so stupid as we were, we thumped our drivers nearly into oblivion. No OB? This course was all OB, dude!! But the lower score is really for it’s condition. Besides not holding well up to the rain, the fairway had patches of sand and was fairly bald in many places.

Greens (5/5)

We see what the fuss is about. The greens were apparently called TifEagle, which has as much meaning to us than the word garbulomumbo. Call it what you want, the greens in this club really, really rocked. As in, what a green. While all the other aspects were bad, or medium bad, once you’re on the green, you’re like in a velvet carpet. It’s that good. The ball bit, spun, danced, and basically showed us once again that if Saujana specializes in anything, it’s their greens. Despite the drizzle, the greens played fast, causing me to 3 putt twice in the first 3 holes, before getting used to it. If there’s anything that’s worth the travel, price and struggle through the fairways, it’s the greens. Top notch.

Rough (3/5)

Say what you like about SSG, it punishes way ward shots, and that means all of ours. We like the grip it and rip it style of Palm Garden, Bukit Kemuning, and don’t really fancy constipated courses like Nilai Springs and Seremban 3. Unfortunately, SSG lands in the latter category. There are a few exceptions, but most of the holes, from the narrow par 5 2nd and 7th, to the skinny 15th with hazard on the right. Bring lots of balls and if you’re not confident with your driver, use a 5 wood to negotiate. No kidding. If we had stuff the big dog back into the bag and use our 5 wood, we would have scored like 67 on this course. Well, thereabouts. As it is, being typically monkey-like golfers, we always think our next drive would be better, until we lose a dozen balls or more. Tough rough.

Aesthetics (2/5)

As much as we love the TifEagle greens, the rest of the course just wasn’t extremely picturesque. Unlike Bukit Unggul (as much as we hate that course, you gotta admit, it’s quite pretty), where the OB is lined with jungle; the OB here is typically lalang and ‘semak samun’. I don’t know what it’s called in English. Like those grass that reclaims the land, kind of. It’s not pretty, but worse, there’s no way that your ball might careen off a branch and come back in play, since there’s no branches. It’s just hip deep waste bushes that will eat up your balls.

One thing about Beringin, is that it is a dead town. I think the history was that everyone thought the international airport was going to be up north of Klang Valley, so housing estates like Beruntung and Beringin sprouted up, hoping to cash in. Lots of buyers bought homes there, to be a step ahead. Suddenly, the airport went south to Sepang, and homeowners in Beringin were left to die. I heard a story of someone who purchased his home for 150,000RM and now, the selling price is about 80,000RM.

Around the golf course, you see homes that were supposed to be grand golf homes, like those at Tropicana, but now, overgrown with weeds, Mother Nature is taking it back. It’s actually very depressing. We couldn’t wait to scoot out of there. We half expected wide eyed creatures peeking out from the soulless windows hissing, “Come, my preciousssssss.” Yikes!

Fun Factor(3/5)

We actually had quite a nice time, even though we were struggling like baboons being forced to undergo acupuncture. The OB really got the better of us. But the 10th hole was a cracker. It’s a 290 meter drivable par 4 from an elevated tee box. You’re probably at the highest point and us being golf cowboys, snapped up our drivers, sauntered to the white tees, and let it rip to the green. There’s a huge raving fronting the green so anything that can’t carry 250 meters is in deep do-do. From the white, you needed about 270 to reach the green. From the elevated tee box, we gauged that a 250 meter drive would do the trick, with 230 to cross the ravine.

Both of us who tried made it. In fact, my friend, hit it so long, it reached the black tee of the next hole, over a pair of Korean women teeing up at the red. Mine landed in deep rough at the side and I stumbled around for a par.

Conclusion

If you have a group of jokers who’ll keep you from dying of boredom, it’s actually quite worth the drive to Beringin. I mean, look, if you were planning to head out to Beruntung, you can go the extra mile or so, right? The greens are certainly worth your attention, and you better enjoy it now, in case SSG decides to pull out of the club like they did for Impiana. Unlike Impiana, Beringin just doesn’t have the volume of visitors to keep it from descending back into reclaimed land.

The good: The greens, definitely; the course is very strategically located right next to the turn off; challenging holes like the 10th makes it fun; reasonably well maintained; reasonable pricing

The bad: Heavy on the petrol; fairways are not so great; narrowness of the course might not suit some; aesthetically depressing; deaf and blind marshals that cannot hear or see lightning; there’s no bloody siren.

The skinny: 23 of 40 divots (57.5%). We expected nothing much from the course and got something out of it. We will likely give it another go, if the price of petrol comes down…which might be 50 years from now when we learn the art of teleportation. Still, it’s a go…you gotta try out the greens!

SSG Beringin Score Card

SSG Beringin Information

Address:
Lembah Beringin,
44110 Kuala Kubu Bahru,
Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia

Contact: +603-64600016

Fax: +603-64600018

Damai Laut GCC

Introduction

Wow, it’s been some time since we reviewed a course, and even longer that we’ve gone out of KL! So the opportunity came to play at Damai Laut GCC in Lumut, Perak, we snapped it up. Being the city brats we are, we have absolutely no idea where on earth is this Damai Laut located, but being the gila golfers, we readily took the challenge to go and hack it. Also, the hole 15, their signature hole. We like to play at courses that people talk about, and in this case, the course had quite a lot of prestigious sounding awards:

  1. 3rd most scenic course by Golf Malaysia 2005/2006.
  2. Hole #15 – second most scenic hole in Malaysia
  3. Hole #13 – third in Par Golf Super 18 Malysia Award.

With pedigree like that, you can’t go wrong can you? Damai Laut we go!!

Travel (2/5)

Now, let’s make this clear. Traveling to Damai Laut is SHEER TORTURE. But this is really a difficult category to judge because it’s very subjective how we view traveling individually. How did we give Datai Bay 3, when we had to take a bloody flight and drive halfway across the island? We measured it from where we were staying. Likewise, we’ll need to be fair in this. Nobody in their right mind will travel all the way to Damai Laut, play golf, and come back. We need to measure it from where we stayed, at Swiss Garden. In this case, it was right next door, but we’ll refrain from giving it a 5 because the resort is so ridiculously out of the way, it’s as if the hotel management wanted to start their own little country at the edge of Perak.

In fact the instructions to get to this forsaken place is so darn long, it warrants its own page for you to get through , and hopefully without falling asleep.

Driving from South Malaysia: http://www.damailaut.com/driving01.html

Driving from North Malaysia: http://www.damailaut.com/driving02.html

Crazy. Here’s the map.

We took the Bidor exit, but there are several ways to get there. The stupid thing is that there’s a place called Damar Laut. I think it’s a fake copy of the real Damai Laut. It’s unbelievable that there would be people out there that think this is a great idea. It’s like calling your son Tiger Wooks and get him to pose in red shirt and Nike Cap, and paint his face black. What’s the idea? If you ain’t Woods, you ain’t him! Damar Laut folks, what’s the deal??!

Unless you are a crazy person, refrain from driving there, play golf and coming back. From PJ, it took us 5 hours to get there. Umm, ok, we stopped and ate. A lot. Who cares? It’s a freaking long trip!

Price (3/5)

Unlike the published rates on the website, they gave us RM150 for all in, because we were guests at the Swiss Garden Resort, and because (we suspect), they have only gerbils to entertain the staff for the past 6 months. The course was like walking into a post apocalyptic world, like “I am Legend”. Beautiful, yet hauntingly empty.

We like the fact that even though it was quite a lot to pay for the weekday, at least they refrained from cutting our throats. They could have charged RM200 and we would have been forced to play, having traveled so far.

First thoughts

We packed 4 flights and zoomed off for an afternoon tee off, under the blazing hot sun. But being at the coast, a nice wind came up and it was certainly very, very refreshing to stand on the first tee, a blind hole that drops to the green, and even more so, when my first ball carved into a nice draw and rolled 250 meters down the fairway.

Damai Laut is HOT, not in the wow, she’s hot HOT, but the darn, I think I am gonna die, HOT. We played the first 9 as dry as dry can be and that’s why we were blasting our tee shots prodigiously. The turn, rain set in, and the wind whipped up so it was quite a good experience, to play Damai Laut dry, and then in British Open condition.

Service (1/5)

Now, I know they don’t really have a lot of guest that will come all the way to play the course, which makes it even more important to service us! We arrived at the club house, we had to take our bags from the car, and after waiting a while at the front and it became evident no living thing will greet us and take our bags in for us, we lugged our stuff all the way in. Come on, Damai Laut, you can do better than this. If you advertised your great service, how about giving us some respect and helping us out? At least in Datai, they really made you feel as if you are the king of the world (or the king of stupidity to pay RM350 for a game), but hey, at least. This gets a stingy 1 from gilagolf, because of their stingy service.

Fairways (4/5)

Like we mentioned earlier, we had a chance to test the course on both conditions: extremely dry and windy wet. I obviously preferred playing it dry because the ball runs and never stops. In my first 9, for those shots that caught the fairway, I never had a drive under 250 meters. It was highly entertaining. The fairways were a little patchy in some parts, but overall it played very very well. And even when wet, drainage was good, and it held up very well. Again, it’s a little short of perfect because the maintenance wasn’t as pristine as say Datai or Tropicana, but it’s among the best we played.

Greens (2/5)

Unfortunately the good feeling didn’t last, and we watched in dismay as Damai Laut’s greens fell hopelessly short of the condition expected in a premium course. Even on the first hole, one of my partners remarked with obvious distaste, “Why so sandy one?!?!”. It wasn’t as bad as Selesa (which to us is not a golf course, but a pile of junk that makes us prefer to eat live cockroaches than to play there again), but as one of the premier courses in Malaysia, we expect at least a little consistency in its greens. Nope what we had was sandy greens and in one hole, the par 5 5th, I had to almost chip with my putter to coax the ball uphill across the green with the amount of sand. A very disappointing 2.

Rough (3/5)

The rough wasn’t that much better. Several times I went into the rough and it’s not difficult enough to hit it out. Instead, a few times, the rough was so forgiving, it sat up like on a tee, allowing me to scramble for par the 2 times I missed the fairway on my front nine. We’re a strange breed. We complain that the rough is too tough and the rough is not too enough. The second 9 played slightly harder because as the rain came, our ball settled easier into the rough and boy, we struggled a bit.

Aesthetics (3/5)

OK, this is where we have the MOST gripe about. For the 3rd most scenic course in Malaysia, we’ll have to conclude that whoever did the poll was either secretly blind, or he was treated to 10 years free massage in Swiss Garden Resort. Because it’s nowhere near as pretty as Datai, or even Impiana or Meru. It’s probably thereabouts with Tiara Melaka or something, but there was just no wow factor, that made us go, well, WOW! We all expected the next hole to be better, and then the next hole, and then the next hole. But as we went along, it was evident, this was no Pebble Beach or Pinehurst. Being a coastal golf course, we expected a lot more. Even the darn scorecard promised a beautiful scenery and we all thought, ok, Hole #15 is simply going to blow our minds away.

We finally reached hole #15 and I went, “This can’t be right.” The tee box was next to the lake, which is green like milk tea, and all I saw was a dogleg right and some kids playing. That’s right. Kids. They just popped up from no where and played this signature hole and disappeared later. So we waited and mulled, “Is this the legendary 2nd most scenic hole in Malaysia?” “Are we too stupid to appreciate it?” From there, a hooked drive caused my ball to jump into the left rough and as we drove nearer, the beauty slowly unfolded.

It’s no big deal.

One, the picture on the scorecard is fake. The ocean is photoshopped into the card. The real hole #15 is nothing like it. The hole drops drastically to the green, but it’s not something we’ve never seen before. The sea is behind the green, but it’s not the open sea, it has Pangkor island listlessly sitting in the background. A ship was docked near the bay, blocking whatever beauty that was left, and adding to the disappointment of it all.

Golf Malaysia really screwed up on this one. I think they didn’t even come here to play. I think they were just sent a photoshopped picture, or the scorecard and in the letter told, “Nice hole, free massage for good reviews.”. In fact, we preferred the Hole #13 par 3, surrounded by bunkers.

We were so disappointed with this mythical 2nd most scenic hole, we played 4-5 balls each from the top of the hill into the green, like a driving range.

Fun Factor (4/5)

Despite Damai Laut’s fading into mediocrity, and the obvious disappointment of us all, that we drove all the way to play a course that resembles Nilai Springs or something, we still managed to have fun. One playing partner birdied the 2nd and did a jig that must be censored for the innocence of our sight. Perhaps we were all in a relaxed holiday mood and the weather was nice for the first 9. Whatever the reason, I went into a hot streak parring my first 6 holes, before dropping one at the 7th. On the 8th, I hit one of my best drive ever that hit the hill and rolled to about 30 meters away from the green, a 320 meter drive. Being so full of myself, I stupidly duffed my pitch, hit an embrassing chip and humiliated myself by missing my par putt.

On the very next hole, the 9th, it’s a drivable par 4 at 280 meters. You had to carry about 200 meters of water uphill, and on top of that, navigate your shot over the trees. The bail out was on the left, but already boiling over my previous hole, I hit another cracker that missed the trees by a few millimeters and flew long and straight to the fringe of the green. Again, full of myself, I proceeded to run my eagle putt 6-7 feet by and miss the come back putt. At that time, I was ready to dunk my whole head into the ball cleaner in the buggy. It’s a cool thing, it cleans your dirty balls. Golf balls, that is.

I scored a 38, that could have been a 36. Could have, would have should have. I’ve hit all except 2 fairways, 4 greens in regulations, drove the green at number nine and playing superbly. This was my day to break 80 and celebrate the milestone.

Back 9, I started with a par, and then it all unraveled. I started hooking, I started dunking my balls in the water, I started to three putt. As good as my front 9 was, I played like a cow on the back 9. At 42, it’s actually a good score, but here was my stats: 3 3-putts that could have got me pars, 0 fairways hit. Bogey after bogey, until I needed a birdie to break 80 on the index 2 last hole, a snaky par 5 at 520 meters. My drive borrowed fairway of the next hole, but I recovered to have a 10 foot try for birdie.

It turned at the last moment agonizingly and I settled for an 80, my best score ever, but like all golf scores, a story of missed opportunities. Every dog will have its day, and my day will come.

Conclusion

Damai Laut is really a nice course. That’s it. It’s not supposed to be a nice course. With so many awards, we were expecting this baby to break into the DAGTH category but instead, watched its stock fall lower and lower to a disappointing 60%. Will we play it again? Sure, if they transport the whole dang course to somewhere more accessible! For now, the staff will be stuck with their gerbils until the next batch of tourist golfers come by the resort.

The good: Easy drive from the resort; well conditioned fairways; interesting holes (9th, 13th); reachable par 5s and par 4s for one ons; able to get a crack at your best scores here due to forgiveness.

The bad: Hellish drive from anywhere else; service non existent, unless you are a gerbil; disappointing greens and rough; by far, the hole #15 is more disappointing than seeing the most beautiful girl in your high school turn into a pimply dumpling at the reunion.

The skinny: 24 of 40 divots (60%). We will definitely play again if we ever end up in Swiss Garden Resort, which is as much a certainty as seeing a pack of hyenas do a cha-cha with a herd of winged zebras that has a single horn on their head (why do they call it unicorn and not uniHorn?). Recommended only for resort folks on a holiday.


Damai Laut Scorecard

Damai Laut GCC Information

Address:

Damai Laut Golf & Country Club

Hala Damai 2, Jalan Damai Laut, Off Jalan Teluk Senangin,

32200 Lumut,

Perak Darul Ridzuan, Malaysia.

Contact: +605-6859330

Fax: +605-6181018

Email: cm_dlgcc@swissgarden.com

Website: http://www.swissgarden.com/hotels/dlgcc/

US Open Champion 2008

He had to slog for it with a busted knee.

The guy who swings like my 18 handicapper friend nearly beat him in the biggest upset of sporting history.

It took 19 holes, but he did it. I watched him missed nearly all his fairways and play probably 40-50% of his normal level, and still he wins the major.

It’s crazy, but the rest of the world can just surrender all the majors to this guy right now.

Saujana GCC – Bunga Raya

Introduction

Every golfer, whether hacker or professional, would have the ‘Top 3′ courses he/she wants to play in before dying. It’s natural. Of all instincts in the animal kingdom, two instincts rise above all: the instinct to mate, and the instinct to choose the top 3 courses to play. For me, it’s Augusta, St Andrews and Pebble Beach. But since those are currently out of reach (both geographically and budget-wise), I have to scale down to the Malaysian standards to the following 3: Saujana, Kota Permai, Mines. Of course, you can talk about Sungai Long, Bukit Jambul etc but why these 3 are so attractive is simply because Saujana and Kota Permai have hosted numerous high profile tournaments and Mines have had the pleasure of Tiger Woods’ footprints, spits and curses over 4 rounds of the Malaysian Open years ago (did I mention that his appearance fee is possibly more than the winner’s prize money?).

So when the opportunity came to play in Saujana, it was like an invitation to the Masters. We had 3 flights and those who never played the course before were highly strung up because we didn’t want to screw it up and look like idiots. So lots of planning, training went into the week before we were supposed to tee it up.

Which brings back to one of Gilagolf’s theory: No matter how much hackers practice on the range, there is no difference. They will suck, regardless.

Obviously my confidence level wasn’t very high, having trudge through a pair of 95s in Tasik Puteri and KRTU, and developed a horrendous duck hook along the way.

Travel (5/5)

We like courses that are nearby, i.e not too far from where we stay, and not too inaccessible, i.e too deep inside housing estates like Tasik Puteri, Nilai Springs, The Nameless Course in Seremban 3. We gravitate a lot to courses who are smart enough to be built next to a highway like KGNS or KGPA. Or in some cases like Saujana and Seri Selangor and Tropicana, we have the highway built next to the course.

It’s very simple to get the Saujana, even a blind cow can eventually find its way there. Remember the old airport, Subang airport? Well, head towards it, either from the federal highway (in which case, head past the Motorola (now Freescale) LDP bridge and stay left and follow the cute aeroplane symbol. If you’re coming from the NKVE, turn off at Subang, and right after the toll, stay right. You’ll make a big turn and end up on the road to Subang airport.

From there, stay left, looking at the signs that says Saujana and Ara Damansara. Turn off to Saujana and take a 9 at the small roundabout. The club is on the right.

As you drive up the road, revel in its history, like how other lucky golfers get to drive up Magnolia Lane in Augusta. This is the closest you can get to the local version of Augusta.

Here’s the official map from Saujana’s website.

I know, it doesn’t say much does it? In fact, for a premier golf course, I wish they would spend a little more on their website. I mean, if you compare it to Augusta’s website, this looks as if it was created by a bunch of college nerds out to make a quick buck.

Price (2/5)

According to the website, non members pay RM353 for an 18 hole round. That’s just green fees and insurance, mind you. Buggies are – get this – RM82 for twin sharing. RM82??! What the heck kind of buggy are they giving us, one attached with a freaking robot chauffer? We find out later that it was equipped with GPS for to track you distance. After fiddling with glee on the first hole, we all forgot about the GPS and just played golf like how we play.

Golfer: (To caddie) “Eh, how far-ah-the hole?”

Caddie: “150, boss. Take 6 iron la.”

Golfer: “150? Looks nearer one? No la, I strong hitter, 7 iron.”

Caddie: “But boss, ada wind la…don’t believe, check GPS la.”

Golfer: “7 iron!!! ”

Proceed to hit short into the bunker.

Golfer: “AIYAA! Wind laaaa!!!” (Tomahawk the 7 iron into the ground)

Caddies cost 40 bucks each, so it’s 20 per buggy. So here’s the overall price you are expected to pay (kaching!):

353 + 41 + 20 + 25 (minimum tip is 50 to caddie per buggy). = RM439.

Instead of giving it a -100 for price, we understand this is a premium course, so we’re bumping it up to a 2. Come on, Augusta comparisons are just for fun. No way in a zillion years will Saujana be even mentioned together with Augusta.

First thoughts

As I said, it was a nervous affair to come into Saujana. I was hoping we would get championship course, called the Palm Course, but more glamourously as “The Cobra”, but obviously, we’re still considered second class citizens in our little tournament and got bumped to their secondary course, The Bunga Raya course, otherwise known as “The Crocodile”. There is absolutely no reason why it should be named the crocodile, because we expected to see some reptilian obstructions along the fairway, which we did not. Neither is it a watery course, with water only in play towards the end. Perhaps it’s the fact that once the rough catches your balls, it’s like how a crocodile locks its jaws when it grabs hold of your balls, never letting it go until it crunches your balls into a million pieces. We’re talking about golf balls here, by the way.

Because this is Saujana, we’re willing to separate the two courses (Bunga Raya and Cobra) into different reviews (that is, if we ever find ourselves playing on the Cobra in this lifetime).

Service (3/5)

This was a game serviced by one of our generous vendors, so check in, registration was a breeze. I just turned up and we were ready to go. As mentioned, there is a GPS unit attached to each buggy but that’s about it. We hardly use it except for a few holes where we distrust our caddies (who for some reason, get offended when we do that).

The caddies were good. They know the course, they know the greens and you will need them to read these greens. Saujana is diabolical in the greens. What I didn’t quite like was how arrogant some of them were. We had a guy who was probably a 4 handicaper but he wasn’t my caddie. He seems like a nice fellow, someone like Nan, from Air Keroh, and he was constantly teaching my friend in the other buggy, how to release his drives.

My caddie was a girl, whom I thought was Indonesian (by default) but turned out to be a local Chinese. So it was the first time that I actually conversed with my caddy in Cantonese! But she wasn’t that great. Some of the reads she gave was way off, but some were good. But when I didn’t pull it off, she would go off in a huff saying I didn’t listen to her. What? Excuse me, how the heck am I supposed to be good enough to hit that chip exactly where you pointed? You think I am pro or what? One time I blasted out of a bunker and she says, “Why you hit so hard? Now long putt to hole.” I shot back that with our skill, anything out of the bloody bunker is good enough. It was a good thing she was a girl and my natural gentleman instinct overcame by barbaric instinct to wring her neck after 13 holes and plant a hundred balls into her thick skull.

It’s annoying when you hit a long putt and she goes, “See, I give correct read.” And when you miss, she goes, “Why never listen to me?”. Gosh, how about I drive your RM80 buggy into one of the lakes with you strapped behind it?

Fairways (3/5)

I was a little surprised to find the fairways in such a mediocre condition. Now all this is relative. The fairways are nice, with the ball sitting up like a carpet. But if I were to fork out nearly RM500 for a course, you need to give me something more than ‘nice’. It has to be Tropicana nice, as in, pristine. Hole 11’s fairways was mushed up and muddy near the buggy track. Hole 2 had tracks on the fairway and I had to take free drop. Hole 3 area near the green was so soft, my ball disappeared. A couple of holes, it didn’t hold up to the previous day’s downpour as well as I expected it to. So, relatively speaking, the fairways weren’t too special I’m afraid.

Greens (4/5)

Here’s where the madness begins. Saujana’s greens are absolutely crazy. They told us it was 10 on the stimp but I putted so badly, at one point 3 putted 3 holes in a row and ready to whack the putter to my head like Woody Austin. Putting is a snowball effect. You putt like a clown for the first few holes, you start second guessing. And I’ll tell you this, Saujana Greens are harder than KRTU. In KRTU, you can at least see those crazy undulations. You know your ball will break, but you’re not sure how much. Again, we reiterate we are speaking of golf balls. In Saujana, a straight putt could have a left break, an uphill putt could be a downhill. A regulation on could turn into a double bogey when you four putt. I mean, it’s not in your face like KRTU. This is deceptive. It’s subversive. It’s main intention is to trick you and you just watch in despair as your ball rolls…and rolls…and rolls and rolls. I putted like a man possessed, sinking in critical 5 – 6 footers to avoid 3 putting almost every hole. I don’t even have a tap in on any occasion!

And to prove yet again that Gilagolf’s review is in no way affected by how badly we play, we’re giving it a 4/5. The breaks and trickery were great. The maintenance wasn’t super though. Again, this is with the RM500 per round pricetag hanging over everything.

Rough (5/5)

Ah, if the greens were crazy, the rough was probably the best lesson I ever had in golf so far. I think it’s Bermuda, but you will likely enjoy hitting your balls out of lumps of cowdung more than trying to get out of these stuff. It’s gnarly, for the lack of better word. You think your ball is ok because you can see it and it’s not too deep inside. But this grass is strong, you can’t just whack it because it grabs your clubs and twist it any which way, which usually results in your ball being badly topped or bottomed and advancing 20 – 30 meters in pure ignominy. And here’s the difference between pro players and hackers.

For hackers, our learning ability is seriously malfunctioned. In fact, if I may, I can say I am golfically retarded. A pro player, after 1 or 2 holes experiencing the rough, would adjust his game to suit the conditions. For me, I usually chip around the green with my 48 degrees. I like to bump and run the ball, bounce once or twice off the green before releasing it on. I might sound like I know what I’m doing but most of time, it’s because I am really crap with my 60 degree and often end up skulling it. A wise guy might suggest to use my sand or approach wedge, but I will reject it simply because I like how my 48 degrees look at my chipping address. Anyways, so there I was throughout my front nine, trying to bump and run the ball on, and everytime I hit it short, the grass catches it and it gives me absolutely zero bump and zero run. I recall the par 5 8th, I was near the green in 3. My chip was short. My second chip was long and I had to struggle for a bogey.

It took me 9 holes to realize that my 48 degree will be useless and I switched to a 60 to get a higher trajectory on my chips to land on the green and avoid all the stuff between. I immediately got a par on my 10th and started recovering from my front nine 47. In fact, I was only six over when I reached the 18th and needing a par to break 90, and that was when the disaster (which I will chronicle) struck.

Aesthetics (4/5)

Saujana is a great looking course. I’m not just saying because I like groveling before the best club in Malaysia, but it’s a genuine feeling of freedom, standing over the elevated tee box at 1 and 10, and watching your drive soar down. Even the 9th hole, it was a magnificent view on top of the tee box, that sloped down into a valley and up again to the green. Some of these holes are diabolically long, like the Par 4 2nd which requires a perfect drive to hug the little dogleg left. The par 3s are not a piece of cake as well, the 13th is a scary 180 meter hole with an extreme elevation drop from tee to green. I’m surprised that they can come up with so many elevated holes in the Subang area. I always though the land was fairly flat.

It’s not a pretty little thing like Palm Garden, or a horrendously long course like Clearwater, but it’s a little in between. The generous fairways invite you with the driver, and the lack of OB gives you a fake confidence over the teebox. You yank something offline and it goes in the jungle. As the caddie said wryly when I asked if it was OB, “Here got no OB. Boleh cari, boleh main.”, i.e instead of plastering OB stakes around the course like stupid amateur courses like Nilai Springs, KRTU and all that, Saujana dares you to recover from the jungle. That’s why we call it a man’s course. It doesn’t retard the players recovery like other courses with its OB here and OB there. It lets the player decide, hey, if you wanna hit it through the jungle and risk your life, go ahead, make my day, lets see how you recover. Most of the time, we take one look at Saujana’s rough and jungle and we go, forget it.

At the end it’s still a Palm oil estate course like Rahman Putra, so we’re giving it an almost perfect 4/5 for aesthetics. Certainly enjoyable view and a great experience.

Fun Factor (4/5)

It took me a while to really get used to the greens and roughs so I was basically hacking like a turkey before Thanksgiving on my first 9. I was having a great driving day, blasting the ball a mile, that prompted the handicap 4 caddie to comment, “Do that again. I want to see your drive.”

Unfortunately, my other aspects were completely stupid. My approach shots were mediocre at best, and I pulled some nasty shots into the jungle. I was especially struggling with my 23 degree taylormade rescue (which is now back in the store room for punishment), yanking it left all day. My chipping, as mentioned, was like a man with epilepsy. My putting was Jekyl and Hyde, 3 putting at times, and dropping some crazy bombs at others.

Did I have fun overall? Sure, how is it not possible to have fun in Saujana? I would have gone home a happy and satisfied man if only I didn’t screw up the 18th. Like the show “Seconds from Disaster”, here’s a breakdown of the disaster of 18th.

  1. Approach the tee shot, a scary looking one with a peninsular on the left running along a huge lake on this Par 5. You need to aim left and depending on your carry, look for a target in that peninsular. It’s actually a great great hole to end.
  2. My drive hooked a little with a topspin but safely carried the water and into the primary rough.
  3. About 230 meters away to an elevated green, and here was the crucial decision. A 6 iron or my rescue wood? I already faced this dilemma in the 12th hole when I yanked my rescue wood into the jungle and barely escaped with a double thanks to a 20 feet putt over a 10 feet break.
  4. I don’t know why, but this is how insane people operate; I thought I could pull it off again. The exact same thought process came in: Come on, you can do this. But it’s deep rough. Maybe a 6 iron to just play it safe. Nah, what the heck, I want to go far. Far!!
  5. And with that, the devil on my left shoulder triumphed over the angel voice of reason on my right shoulder and I took my hybrid.
  6. I came down so steep, the ball got popped up by my rescue wood’s top and it sent the ball short, high and right. This is by far my crap shot.
  7. Every golfer has a crap shot. Shots that cannot be analysed, cannot be simulated on the range no matter how hard you try, shots that come once or twice in a round, often with disastrous results. Some struggle with the duck hook, some with the sh*kns, mine is exceptionally embarrassing because it just pops up 20 meters and go far right. In this case, yep, into the dang water.
  8. So lying 4 about 220 to the hole uphill, you reckon I would learn my lesson by now and try to five on and save bogey. Instead, I used the same bloody club and hooked it left.
  9. I was lucky there was a bunker there to catch it, else it would have dribbled off into God knows where. From the bunker, I hit perhaps my best 8 iron ever for the day, straight, lofted landing just off the green with a severe downhill for my bogey chip.
  10. I chipped using my 60 degree, saw it land, saw it track. My best chip of the day. It looked to be in the hole but last minute turned, careen off the lip and settling 4 feet away from the cup.
  11. I needed to hit a measly 4 footer to salvage some pride and I’ve been hitting this all day with my eyes closed.
  12. As the case for nearly every hacker in a similar position of a must make putt: I came up tentative and short, settling for a humiliating triple on the final hole, and a 92 overall. Bah.

Conclusion

So ends the Saujana experience. I was hoping this would enter the mythical Gilagolf status of DAGTH (Died and Gone to Heaven) category, but it falls short due to several reasons as stated. Still, it was a good round of golf overall, which could have been better. The course obviously has a lot of things going for it. If someone pays for you or you have extra money to spare, then Saujana – Bunga Raya course is a great place to go. The wide fairways are super friendly to a crazy driver like me. It doesn’t limit your game with stupid OB stakes like Nilai Springs or KRTU or Seremban 3. It’s a man’s course, so you’re gonna make sure your driver is working well, or you’re not gonna regulation a lot of holes. The course, with its contour changes is also superbly designed with a few holes requiring placement and thinking and not just smashing. Definitely a must play!

The good: Travel is great and fast; the greens will test your resolve not to smash your putter to pieces; the rough is a heck of an experience; overall aesthetics is very attractive, with contours and elevations for a different experience every hole; last hole on both 9s a great experience.

The bad: Crazy pricing designed to force you to mortgage your home; fairways are not exactly up to par (pun intended obviously); caddies are a little annoying if you get the wrong ones; GPS is aesthetically nice but functionally too advanced for stone age hackers like us.

The skinny: 30 of 40 divots (75%). Anything with the name Saujana in front would be a good experience. Even with the fairways far from perfect, Saujana – Bunga Raya course manages to come in third in the Gila Meter behind Palm and Datai. A definite “play” for this course!

Saujana – Bunga Raya Score Card

Saujana GCC Information

Address:

Saujana Golf And Country Club
P.O. Box 8148, Kelana Jaya,
46783 Petaling Jaya,
Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia

Contact: +603-78461466

Fax: +603-78467818

Email: golf@saujana.com.my

Website: http://www.saujana.com.my/