Amverton Cove Golf and Island Resort

Introduction

After what seemed like an eternity, Gilagolf is back to doing what this blog was set up for ages ago. Reviewing crappy golf courses in Malaysia, sprinkled with some really good ones. But mostly crappy, because the crappy ones are the most fun. Anyways, I’ve always heard about Carey Island Golf Course long way back. It was always described in no uncertain terms, as a 9 hole stinkbomb that makes cow dung taste like Baskin’s Ice Cream. With Oreo topping. So I never really ventured there, unless perhaps if it was the final golf course on earth, and committing suicide was no longer an option.

However, a few months back, I began to hear rumours of another world. Another golf courses, set up like ‘the links in old St Andrews’, with beautiful lakes and oceans, and the wind caressing your hair as you launch a perfect 8-iron into the air, only to see it whipped around like a mongoose going after a cobra due to the high winds. Where you have to aim to the ocean, so that the wind can blow your ball back into the fairway. Where mastery of the Stinger is key, to  keep the ball under the wind. Most of us have mastered that anyway, except our Stinger is a top ball and our ball is just under the wind, it’s also skimming along the ground to only about 20 meters. This place was called Amverton Cove. At first, I thought this was a mistake and this referred to place possibly in England or perhaps a custom golf course created in the Playstation Game Tiger Woods 2013. I mean, aside from the insidious practice of naming it a very western sounding name “Amverton” – in the same way caplang products like Bonia, Giordano, Milano sound Italian — which world does anywhere in Malaysia ever represent a ‘Cove’? A cove is like a coastal inlet (according to Wiki). The last cove I experienced was called Lulworth Cove in the Isle of Purbeck when I was doing the Thomas Hardy experience walk with my wife 2 years back. It looks something like this:

This is a cove. It’s a beautiful cove.

The Carey Island I search in Google got me this:

View of Carey Island

In terms of beauty, it’s like a comparison between this:

And This:

I know. They are not even the same species. But you get my point. Anyways. It’s a free country to name anything you deem fit. Amverton Cove it is. Armed with these precious rumours, a group of intrepid golfers took the chance on a gloomy morning to head out, where no Gilagolfer (from our group) has gone before.

Travel (3/5)

I heard of Carey Island when I was a kid, and even been there before. However, I’ve probably not gone there for close to 25 years or so, so getting there itself is an adventure. If you’ve been to Tasik Puteri before, it’s more or less the same philosophy. Create a golf course deep inside and far away from the highway. However, unlike the god-forsaken location of Tasik Puteri, Amverton has really benefited from the SKVE highway at Saujana Putra, which is a direct highway that goes straight into the heart of the forsaken lands of Banting and Carey. I don’t know exactly know why google maps doesn’t have it, and instead forces you to go through Shah Alam, but the best route is to take the NKVE out of PJ, and exit at Saujana Putra. It’s not that far, especially if you’re like a friend of mine who lives in Putra Heights, which is next door. Once there, go straight past the roundabout and you immediately end up at the SKVE toll and there, you can access it. Once you’re at the SKVE, go till the end at you’ll need to turn out into the smaller roads. From there it’s pretty straightforward. Amverton turnoff is just about 1 km or so away from the old 9 hole stinkbomb golf course.

Over all, it was a welcomed drive. Just be careful with your speeds, as the SKVE has a lot of dips and bumps and not at all flat. Otherwise, I’d say travel was surprisingly easy.

Price (3/5)

I’d say it’s pretty worth the RM120 I paid to play in Amverton. The crux of the matter here is that you need to have 2 flights in order to pay 120, or you end up forking RM138, I think. This hardly makes sense to me, because all I have to do if I had one flight, was to just go to another flight and say, can I join you guys? As in, can my flight just register with you guys? I mean, if they have one flight also, sure, they will be of course ok. Even if they had 2 flights, Malaysians being such cultured and social animals, they’d also generally say yes, so we had 3 flights, and hence ok for the promotion. It obviously is a gimmick from Amverton to get more flights, like bulk purchase or something. It’s a pretty stupid idea, and only serves to annoy the crap out of your customers, Amverton. Nobody does this. Stop it.

A good thing is that for senior citizens, you are further reduced to RM108. Yaay! 15 more years for me to go to get this privilege!

First thoughts

I’ll be honest. My first thoughts were: “I’m glad I took the day off.” I mean, it was just a welcomed sight. Some golf courses do that to you and Amverton, after the dreary drive through the rain, looked great. It was so strange, to come upon this golf course after driving through a patch of land that looked horribly desolated and boring.

The sign that it was the right thing to do to neglect all other responsibilities in life and just play golf was when we saw a full rainbow over the golf course, and the sun breaking through the morning rain. It was a promise, that although our golf will no doubt suck as usual, it would be the right choice to come to Amverton Cove. Even though it’s representation of a cove is the same as my golf skills representation of Tiger Woods.

Service (2/5)

Don’t get me wrong. The staff was friendly enough. The same way as someone who is about to take your money and your kid’s education fund is friendly about it. I mean, we though of having breakfast at Amverton Cove first before heading out to play. Amverton not only uses English names and English landscape to describe the golf course, it also uses pricing from England to describe its menu.

RM13 for fried rice? RM17 for breakfast?RM5 for a toast??!?  And the toast was basically toasted Gardenia bread with a cheap butter and no knive. I had to spread with my spoon. And it sucked. The kopi-o was also about 5. Our breakfast for 3 ended up to be RM40. And this was with two guys eating the RM5 toast and another guy eating an RM15 nasi lemak. Is this crazy, Amverton? Like your two flight promotion, this crosses the line between mildly annoying to brain-numbingly stupid. I guess they have to travel pretty far to get the bread in and all prices are jacked up like in Genting.

Skip the club food and go straight for golf.

Fairways ( 3/5)

Amverton has Bermuda grass for fairways. Which is generally good, except that maintenance is not going to be easy. As this is a new course, the conditions were still good, if not mildly runned over because of the rain and because they allowed buggies on the fairway. There were a number of spots where the Bermuda was completely balded out and sand has replaced the grass, but I will take it as a new course trying to mature itself, which would probably take some time. So, let’s give it the benefit of doubt. It’s not easy trying to maintain these fairways in a palm oil estate. Plus, with the rain, drainage was pretty darn good as we didn’t have any casual water anyway (but plenty of water otherwise!).

Greens (3/5)

We enjoyed the greens…but it narrowly misses out because a number of these greens, on 11th or 12th, was being sanded. Again, we take it as a new course, and maintenance is still ongoing, but from what we see, the greens are going to be in very good condition soon. It’s fast, and enough undulation to give us the yips—generally, anything with 1 cm of undulation or break gives us the yips, but you get what I’m saying. I think Amverton got this right.

Rough (4/5)

There was not much rough to contend with. Basically if you’re spraying your tee shots like morning piss like me, miss it on the side of the rough instead of water. I know it sounds like a stupid advice, but say, you know your miss is a hook. Instead of aiming it on the fairway, where a hook will bounce off to the left water, aim it way to the rough, so even if you flush it, you end up in the rough with plenty of recovery options. The grass isn’t thick, and the bunkers are very well maintained, even after a solid splashing from the rain. Actually, the bunkers are great. But of course, not while you’re in it, but if you saw the rainfall, you’d think other courses like that stupid Beruntung course, the bunkers would have become swimming pools.

Aesthetics (3/5)

OK. Amverton Cove is nicer than we thought. I liked it, but it depends on your type of course. Calling it a links course shows how little people know about links. It’s NOT links. It’s just a flat course that is immature, hence you have little shade and trees, and not much wind and it’s flat as Kate Moss. In fact, the advantage here is that it gives a feel like RSGC, where you can just see the course and everyone playing on it. It’s like a big playing field, where you can shout “Hi!” to your pal on the 1st tee while playing on the 15th tee. Unlike ‘sandboxed holes’ in courses like Ayer Keroh, where each hole feels like you’re completely isolated from the other hole, there is a relatable sense in Amverton, where flights can interact with each other easily. I think having a tournament here is going to be F-U-N. On the other hand however, because there is literally NO elevation, the aesthetics, after a while becomes somewhat of a downer. Every hole plays almost similar with dogleg here and there, water on the left or right, some hidden lake in the middle of nowhere, and basically no sense of awe that you get like if you played in Johor’s Legends course or Saujana Cobra. Elevation makes the course more beautiful, and in Amverton’s case, this is a minus. Overall, it depends on the type of golfer you are. I personally like the hilly types of terrains you find in Rahman Putra, but it still doesn’t detract the fact that Amverton is a nice looking golf course.

The surrounding environment isn’t so good looking however, but these are all being constructed, so it’s not so fair to make a judgement until the resort gets fully operational. I might be able to trick my wife to come here for a ‘family outing’ with a couple of Gilagolfers and their similarly tricked family….

Fun Factor ( 3/5)

We really enjoyed Amverton. It’s been a while since we had a lot of fun, but basically, we had two of the noisiest flights on the course. Because it was so flat, our yells and laughter was heard all over, which makes it, I guess, quite unethical but ah well. I didn’t have my best game, but I didn’t think I messed up so bad. We teed off at 10. The par 5s here are delectable. You can reach both in 2 on the back nine. But they punish wayward shots. On hole 10, I had only 180 left after a long drive. I sliced it, and boom, it goes into the river on the right. I didn’t even know there was a river because the course was so darn flat. Double.

The 11th was bad for me because of water on the left. I topped my drive and with another 180 to go, I proceeded to pull my 3 wood into water. Stupid 3 wood now has cost me two holes. Triple. Hole 12, par 3, what can go wrong right? Over-drew my 8 iron and it bounced on the fairway and trickled to the left. I didn’t even realize the water ate into the fairway near the green…and you will get this a lot because you can’t see crap at the tee box due to the flatness—if you can get a caddy, well go for it maybe they can help. So my first three holes, I was +8. After that, I played much better, including the par 5 14th, where even if I OB-ed my 3 wood from the fairway second shot, I still put my next 3 wood shot onto the green from 190 out and two putted for bogey. I like the par 5s.

The signature hole is the par 4 18th, where you can challenge the lake to carry about 220 – 230 to cross. We played safe, but all attempted mulligans to see if we could cross and all failed miserably. From the fairway I don’t know how I messed up so badly to double bogey it but ah well.

The second nine was way better. The only letdown was the index 1 hole, which is a 289meter par 4 6th. The only problem was right water, but landing space on the left was plenty so 3 out of 4 guys from our flight parred that easily. I think they need to change that index 1 a little, it’s too easy.

Every hole has water. But unlike Rahman where you need to cross them, most of these are not fronting the teebox but lay to the left and right, treacherously eating up your wayward shots. There’s even a hole where you have to go onto a wooden walkway to walk across a swamp to the teebox, I think hole 6.

Out of 18 holes, 12 holes have water to the left, and potentially terrible for hookers like me. In fact hole 10 – 18 features 7 of 9 holes with bad news for hookers. Ironically, the only two times I ever sliced my tee shot all day ended up in the lake, when water was on the right. It. Was. Retarded.

Conclusion

We’ll definitely make another trip here. The travel wasn’t half as bad as we thought. And the course itself was worth the trip and the fun we had. It’s one of those courses where you just know that the second time you play here, you’ll play better because you know the courses slightly better. You know where to miss, whether to go for it or not. And of course, who doesn’t want to come back to a course with a rainbow over it?

The good:

Huge potential for Amverton Cove. Of course, if I could, I’d change the name because it ain’t a cove. But let’s give it a break. It’s a good course in Carey Island and recommended to go. The greens are well maintain, the fairways hold up to rain, the rough is also good and if you like water, hey, this is as watery as it gets. Every hole has water!

The bad:

The pricing is still a little steep for a course that is not elite. It’s in the middling range like tasik puteri, just above dog crap courses like Kinrara and Holy-Crap-This-Is-Awful-Sh*t courses like Beruntung, but at RM120 on a weekday? It’s high. And why is the food pricing like eating in Ben’s in Bangsar? Also, aesthetics is a hit and miss…the lack of elevation, immature trees, flat features is a minus. It’s like a girl who will be considered pretty but never beautiful.

The skinny: 24 of 40 divots (60%).

Of course, recommended to give it a try. Most of you will probably enjoy this course like we did, and once it starts maturing, it will get better. Give the food here a miss though. Down the road, there is a very good seafood restaurant (halal) called Kang Guan (I think)..it seems to be very popular. Play golf only and don’t stay a minute longer than you need to.

Amverton Cove Score Card

Amverton Cove Information

Address:

PT673, Jalan Pulau Carey, Mukim Jugra,

42960 Pulau Carey,

Selangor Darul Ehsan.

Contact: +6019-3382233/ +6019-3832233

Fax: NA

Email: enquiries@amvertoncove.com

Website: http://www.amvertoncove.com/

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Ramadan is coming

At the risk of sounding a little offensive to all my muslim friends who will be fasting, Ramadan is something I look forward to because of the food and the golf.

The food? Nothing beats Malay food. Trust me. I am Chinese, but I don’t eat pork. Hate it. So 90% of the chinese food is unpalatable to my taste. I love Indian food especially their vegetarian food. But my great weakness is good old Malaysian food. Nasi lemak, of course. But Ayam Percik grilled over charcoal, nasi kerabu, apong balik…even simple fried chicken…and I have a great weakness for Malay Chow Kueh Teow. The one that they fry in the morning and leave it out in a big pile and you take it in the afternoon. One that has lots of spring onions and taste nothing like the Penang style. I think I got addicted to this kueh teow when I was in secondary school and I was a really stingy guy who saved a lot of money to play arcades, so I didn’t have money for food. For 50 sen, I could get this dish from a lovely Malay makcik in my canteen in Sultan Abdul Samad, PJ. I would eat about 3 for RM1.50, and the rest of my allowance, I’d blow it on playing arcades at Rasa Sayang or Eighty-Eight at SS2.

And Ramadan, of course, the golf. I know I haven’t updated much lately. Tiger is awful, Rory is pathetic and even Federer sucks. And I am depressed because San Antonio Spurs lost in the NBA finals. So every single person or team I support is going down the nuthole.

But someone told me, that while he appreciates my nonsensical posts, he missed my reviews, which I have stopped simply because I haven’t played in new courses. So my wishlist for Ramadan is to play in some courses I’ve not played before and hopefully start reviewing again! I’m sticking to courses in KL/Selangor, because you’d think Gilagolf would have covered this by now!!

1. Amverton Cove - I heard a lot about this sucker. Expensive, but I don’t mind trying it out. It’s a new course at Carrey Island, played like a links, according to a friend. Hopefully we can head there soon.

2. Awana - Yes, it’s quite unbelievable I have not played there before. Everytime we plan, it goes down the drain, either weather, or someone pulling out.

3. Port Klang - I did play this before, but it was before this blog started. I don’t recall much about it, but really need to play it again!

4. KLGCC - Um. Who wouldn’t want to play there. I am hoping with Ramadan it goes down below RM200 to tee off there…then I will go!

5. Kota Permai - Again, I played there before once long long time ago when it was still reasonably cheap to play…now I probably need to be an organ donor before I play there…but Ramadan, please make it cheaper!!

6. Titiwangsa PDRM - I don’t know if this still exists, but someone told me there’s a 9 hole somewhere here.

7. Kuala Kubu Bahru - OK, fine, this is probably not one of the finest course on earth, but I played here once long time ago and only remembered one tee off over the road! Gotta play again

8. Valencia Golf Club - I think this is a private club at the gated community in Valencia. Anyone wants to bring Gilagolf in?

9. Sungai Long - Jack Nicklaus designed isn’t it? But again, pricing is a big issue here and unless it goes down…plus, I believe you need a member to get in here.

10. Kelab Darul Ehsan – I think around Ampang there is a club called KDE with a 9 hole golf course. I was brought here back in college when I didn’t play golf  but pretended I did, because I was absolutely crazy about this girl who was a member there and who asked me if I played golf, to which I replied immediately, “Hell, yeah!” and proceeded to make an absolutely ass of myself in front of her and her friends. Aah, good embarrassing memories. At least we’re good friends now, still, but she’s married to someone else and so am I…so that ended my craze for her. I hope.

Anyhoos, that’s about that list. Serendah Golf is unfortunately gone so I’d love to review it but can’t. There’s also a 9 hole course in Bangi in Uniten which I played before..have to walk one. And someone told me IOI Palm is back up refurbished, but cost even more than Mines…are you serious?!?

So yeah, altogether, there should be 12 courses I’d like to review in Selangor/KL area. Honestly, even if I strike off 2 – 3 by the end of Ramadan, I’ll be happy.

Posted in Gilalogy | Tagged | 1 Comment

Fried Chicken and Colour Comments

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Sergio Oh Sergio.

When he starting bitching earlier about Tiger and wouldn’t stop, it would probably take a train wreck to bring his whining to a halt. And it took that much. He made the Fried Chicken comment. Sometime back, a guy called Fuzzy Zoeller (no, that’s not his pornstar name, it’s a real name, given by his father who obviously thought his son was a joke), made the same remark about Tiger, about serving fried chicken and collard greens.

And we all know what happened. The world of golf descended into a racist pantomime for the next week or so. The Euro tour CEO George O’Grady first defends Sergio by saying, “A lot of Sergio’s pals are colored folks.” Or something of that nature. And boom, he lands into hot soup. Don’t say “colored”. It’s discriminatory.

And now, the biggest idiot of all, a guy by the name of Colin Montgomerie steps in to defend both Sergio and George O’Grady by saying it’s a mountain out of a molehill. And he said, the European tour is a big happy family, he felt for Garcia and claims all this fried chicken talk is nonsense, and now everyone is afraid of saying something that isn’t ‘kosher’ in 2013.

Now, we all know Colin Montgomerie is a racist. This is proven fact. So obviously he wouldn’t find anything wrong with calling Tiger the N word and eating fried chicken and collard beans. Colin Montgomerie is also overweight and diabetic, and impotent, although he cheats regularly on his wife by making out with a Scottish pig.

Do you see how it hurts to say things or write things like that, when it’s not true (or part of it anyway)? It hurts, Mr Montgomerie and it’s not making a mountain out of a molehill. It is because you don’t understand the connotations of fried chicken and slavery in America, so don’t talk about it.  Read this article

http://www.authentichistory.com/diversity/african/3-coon/5-chickwatermelon/index.html

Maybe you can understand a bit more on the furore your stupid lad Sergio Garcia caused across America by stating racist remarks. You might as well go to the next PGA tour event wearing a white hood and a burning cross. Seriously, Sergio and George, get educated.

Colin Montgomerie, you never deserved to be in the Hall of Fame. You are a joke, a fat piece of crap who shouldn’t even be playing golf right now because you are such a hopeless loser. I agree with Tony Jacklin. If we allow Colin to be a hall of famer, then you might as well get anyone to be be a hall of famer.

So, before making anymore remarks and showing how bigoted and racist you truly are, Colin Montgomerie, please do the world a favour and just disappear forever from the golfing landscape.

Posted in Gilalogy | 1 Comment

Did Tiger Take an Illegal Drop?

Now, before starting this, there are two things I need to point out:

1) I am a huge Tiger fan. Everyone reading this blog knows it. So, obviously I am extremely biased for him, and for the record, I thought the drop he took at Augusta did not matter a fart whether it was one or two meters back or front, because he would dialed in the same anyway.

2) I suck as a golfer. I play to 19, and usually on Saturday games I take illegal drops all the time, usually because I am too lazy to walk back to the tee for a lost ball shot, or simply because I don’t want to dirty my shiny shoes. That being said, we don’t bet in our Saturday games, so we are very loose with the rules. So suck it, golf nerds who think I am a cheater. The loose-ness becomes tight when there’s a bet on the line, because, then we are a little bit more anal on ball drops, because we’re playing for RM1 or RM2, which is like USD200,000 per hole when converted.

Here’s the problem with the ball drops.

For OB or lost ball, even when we’re betting, we’re generally OK with the rule that you can drop your ball on the fairway and take a 2 shot penalty. But drop it parallel to where you think you lost your ball. Now, there’s no such rule in reality. Reality is that you were supposed to hit a provisional ball anyway and play. But sometimes, we see the ball land but when we search for it, it disappears. So that’s legitimate. Now again, I’ve played with golf nerds who insist to go back to the tee. These are the sorts that constantly walk around their lives with a seven iron stuffed up their ass, or oldish fellas who thinks everyone has all the time in the world to play golf and a 6 hour round is perfectly fine for golf. No, it’s not. Most of us have what we call a Life to go back to, so hurry along please.

Tiger faced what we call a lateral water hazard. Red stakes. Which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. At times, you can definitely drop the ball where the water is taken out of play which was where Woods dropped it.

The argument here was that he likely dropped the ball wrongly because you can only technically dropped where he dropped if he did a giant hook.

Let’s illustrate here:

The red line is where Tiger Woods and his partners said he hit. It’s a big hook that flew across the fairway and veered left into the water, where he eventually dropped it at the red arrow. He hit an amazing shot, a 3 wood with ball above his feet, to the fringe of the green and made double bogey. However, replays from an overhead blimp showed that his ball flight was much straighter and less hook (blue line) and likely crossed the hazard at where the blue arrow was, which meant he had to play it around 100 yards or so further back, which might cause him to triple, and tie the second guy for playoff instead of outright win.

Now, watching the overhead blimp, it does seem like the ball never hooked the way Tiger said it hooked. Which is why it’s contentious. Because the playing partner (I forgot his name) said Tiger was right. Now, Tiger is Tiger. Everyone except Steve Williams will kiss his ass, so I am thinking if Tiger said, the ball turned into an elephant halfway down the fairway and flew into the sun in a yellow horse, this playing partner would have agreed. But this is golf, as long as the playing partner agrees, and the caddies agree the ball flight was the red one, Tiger is OK to drop it. Since no one can see the ball flight better than the guys from the tee-box.

You could probably ask a spectator, but then again, everyone would have a different view at it. From the blimp, it’s hard to see how the heck it would have crossed where the red line is, it was more of the blue line.

So, even if I am a hardcore Tiger fan, it does seem very iffy to drop where he dropped.

Then again, if he had asked me, I would have said yes, it did turn into a pink elephant and flew off into the sun in a yellow horse, Mr Tiger. Yes, Sir!

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System 36 Sucks.

I just played my best game ever on the Rahman Putra Championship course and I am no where near the winner in the tournament I was in.

My course handicap is 19, and to be honest, I certainly will be extremely lucky to play at 19. I am more of a 22 – 23, because my golf has descended into a somesort of hellhole for the past few years.

But today, it’s just something that clicked.

OK, I know some of you might snicker, saying, your best freaking score is 90? You’re pathetic, Gilagolf, you should try to play lacrosse instead.

I started the tournament on the 10th and proceeded to mess that one up in front of the whole gallery. I messed up the second one as well, before steadying the ship somewhat to get my first point on the board. After 3 holes.

But then it sorted out. I alternated 3 bogeys and 3 pars over the final six, including a par on the index 2 monster hole, which I’ve never done before in my life.

Making the turn, in front of another gallery, I bunkered my tee, and 3 putted for double. The par 3 tough hole? Took two to get out of the sand. You can imagine how crap I am at sand shots.

But after that, I went on an incredible (for me) run of six straight pars, with a string of missed birdies, some lucky recovery and crazy putting. I never had six pars in a row before, and this includes the index 1 hole. So, I parred Index 1 and Index 2 on KRPM. That’s why I consider this as my best game, with six in a row, and index holes parring. I messed up the rest, though, ending with 9 pars, 3 bogeys, 3 doubles and 3 triples.

If I was a 19 handicapper, I would have scored 37 points. As it is, thanks to system 36, my handicap was lowered to 15 and I scored 33 points!

How does system 36 work?

It’s generally for people not to buaya. But I am not a buaya. I so happened to have a great game in my limited standards.So with 9 pars, I accrued 18 points (9×2 points for par or better), 3 bogeys would make it 3 points (3×1 point for bogey) and 0 points for others (3×0 points for double bogey or worse. So my “point” here is 18+3 = 21. Wait, these are NOT your stableford points. This is to calculate new handicap. Hence, my new handicap is 36 – 21 = 15. Since this is lower than my actual one at 19, the tourney guys used 15 instead.

The last time I played to a 15 was probably when cro-magnon primitives roamed the earth killing mammoths.

So, now with the handicap, we calculate the stableford, which of course, makes me lower, since I no longer have 1 stroke per hole and 2 stroke for the index 1 hole (which I parred, meaning I had a net eagle).

So despite playing like a demon for the six parred holes, I land myself at the second lowest handicap and in the middle of the pack for the tournament.

How do you escape system 36? Birdie…or bogey, don’t par. That way, your blow holes are not penalised so heavily. At least this is what someone told me. But try telling a golfer NOT to hit the putt just to avoid par is like telling a t-rex to be a vegetarian for life.

Why can’t we just trust each other’s handicap and trust there’s no buayas and play to our handicap. If we get a solid game in, reward us!! It’s not like we’re ever gonna do it again!

Posted in Gilalogy, Gilanalysis | 3 Comments

Tasik Puteri and Other Thoughts for the Week

Those who follow this blog knows that there are a few courses that I absolutely detest. And one of it is the 3rd nine in Tasik Puteri. I had to play it again recently, and again, fared horribly. It just annoys me. Being long is one thing, but having a character as interesting as a piece of brick is another. Strangely, moving into the first nine, my game didn’t improve at all, scoring a pair of 48s, in what is a very bad game for me. The par 3s in Tasik Puteri is just fantastically horrible. And most of the holes are set up to kill the hook…which is my bad shot. I wish I had a slice as a bad shot, but no, almost every single hole, there was trouble on the left. Even one of the par 3s, set up to resemble the famous island green in TPC Sawgrass, the way a rotted banana found in the dumpster resembles fine caviar.

Anyway, speaking of TPC Sawgrass, the big news was that the Big Fijian Vijay Singh is suing the PGA tour for investigating him for using deer antler spray.

I know, it really sounds stupid. And I don’t know which part of it does in the above sentence. Investigating for using deer antler spray? Stupid PGA Tour. Suing a tour that had given you close to 67 million USD in prize money over the years? That’s just cold. His premise was that the PGA Tour didn’t investigate properly whether they banned substance was material to affect his golf game. He said he used it to ease his back, the way we use deep heat or YOKO YOKO, I guess.

So PGA Tour messed up.

Now Vijay Singh is suing them because he felt he was ‘humiliated’.

I don’t know, I just think there are things to just let go and forgive each other for being a di*k. Vijay has always been painted as a bad guy, and this won’t do any favours for his image. Congrats, Vijay. You just put “Deer Antler Spray” into my vocabulary the way the word “Gerrymandering” has entered into my vocabulary this weekend.

Let’s just get some golf games in and watch the Players Championship starting tomorrow, shall we?

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Marilah Mengundi….

As a kid, one of those songs that stayed in my head, aside from the Transformers Theme song and that blasted Pizza Hut delivery 755-25-25 song…would be this Marilah Mari, Pergi Mengundi.

No, you won’t see a rant from me against the government or against the opposition. Frankly with all the mudslinging from both sides, and propaganda, and false pictures on facebook etc….I’m just a little tired, want Sunday to come and play golf next week.

I have close friends who are BN supporters, and close friends who are Opposition supporters. But that doesn’t mean we kill each other. I mean, deep inside, all my pals are voting for the same thing: more free days to golf. No, kidding. We’re voting for our nation’s future. Am I glad to see a strong opposition (be it whichever party come 5 May)? Of course, what would the Democrats be without the GOP? What would the elephant be without the donkey? It’s check and balance. It’s like a birdie and bogey. It balances your golf karma, it is the yin to your yang, it’s the chi to the chi-tung, whatever the heck that meant. I love this country and all its flaws, much like how I love playing golf.

Of course, the opposition has gained ground, despite the mainstream newspapers lambasting them. I must admit, those adverts in the Star newspaper were in poor taste. A vote for DAP is a vote for PAS? What the hell are you yamming about? They quote everything about Kelantan from their own sources, the Star. Who the craphole would do that?

Me: “As a wise man said-We are all beings of pre-cognisant entities”

You: “That sounds wise. Who said that, Ghandi?”

Me: “No, me. I am quoting me.”

You: “Loser.”

Which generally Star newspaper is. Losers. I completely hate that piece of trash tabloid now, because they make garbage look like diamonds. It’s worse than garbage. If the entire world’s sewerage filled with 7 Billion human being’s crap, along with possible 20 billion animal crap were to come pouring down, into one single gigantic hole of crap, it would only constitute 0.01% of the stink and feces that Star Newspaper actually represent. I’m not pro or anti government by a long shot, but this piece of Nazi propaganda has to stop. Because it’s childish. It belittles the reader. I rather be sucking on a poisonous Gila Monster’s big toe than to read another word of your paper.

And I feel bad for the Kelantanese. I know a lot of friends from there. I mean how would you like it if this sorry-a$$ newspaper keep picking on your hometown and calling it a HIV filled turdhole? I’d beat up the Star editor, and tee up the ball on his face.

As for the opposition, it doesn’t get better. I see some email that is obviously doctored on Word, stating a million foreign guys were on their way. Aduh. Ini obviously a hoax lah. The emails addresses or the foreign voter threat might be real but once you have an email in a Word Doc, it’s no longer credible.

One FB even sent this one, stating that this is KLIA and all the buses are waiting in line to fetch all the foreign voters.

Eh, this one mana ada KLIA? It looks like a place in California la. Unfortunately, all these pictures just create more hatred and anger, and comments. Citizens and gilagolfers, separate the truth from the turds. Don’t be like the Star Newspaper, the people’s turd paper. If we stoop to their level of imbecility in reporting nonsense and pass it off as truth, we, ourselves are to be admonished. Quote, Gilagolf.

I’m glad the campaign is almost over. I didn’t see any debates like civilized countries have. All I see was mud, racism, anger, foul language, gangsterism from all sides invovled. And yeah, a whole lot of stupid banners and flags. Can someone tell whoever has this idea that this used to work in 1923, but is considered retarded in 2013? I mean, why the hel* would I care about a damn flag placed 2 feet apart from each other, except to make me think: Did these turd monkeys use my MONEY to make these stupid flags??!??

Sign. Come Sunday, I know what I’ll be doing. Walking with my family to the polling station and casting my vote. Whatever the outcome on Sunday night, I will accept it. And play golf again hopefully next week and forget about the craziness that has been the past 2 weeks.

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The Wizard of OZ

I just want to be the first to put up this headline because there will be hundreds who want to put this up. Remember, Gilagolf did it first, approximately 1 minute 20 seconds after Adam Scott holed his putt on the second playoff hole to beat Dr Octopus aka Angel Crabera.

The Wizard of OZ wins the masters, and makes it the first time for Australia. And yes, he high fives Steve Williams way better than Mr Tiger Woods.

If Dr Octopus had won it, my other headline would be: “Touched by an Angel.”

I should take up a career in headline writing.

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Gilagolf Prediction Engine for Masters 2013

OK.

It was pre-mature to crown Tiger Woods for his Augusta major this year. But who’d have thought this sequence would occur:

1. Hit a perfect shot on a par 5 15th, his 3rd shot.
2. So well that it hit the flag and rebounded into the water. (??)
3. Angry so he drops the ball, 2 yards back from where he hit his 3rd.
4. 2 yards. Back.
5. Hit a perfect shot, but later got penalized for a wrong drop.
6. Hard to contend with absolute nutters who say he should DQ himself. I hear a lot of stupid remarks in my life, but golfers really take the cake for stupidity. This isn’t honesty people. This is stupidity. This is like John Terry who fouled Luis Suarez in the penalty box, and then forces the ref to give Luis Suarez the penalty and then gives himself the red card and send himself off. Why are golfers, especially those who stay up late and watch the Masters and blog about it, so absolutely DUMB? Aiyoh.

Anyway, from a birdie shoo-in, he got a bogey, and then compounded with another +2, that turns it to triple bogey. So we had a 4 stroke swing there. That changed everything. That cost him the tournament. Which begs the question to Tiger: You have played in Augusta freaking 19 times. How the heck did you drop that wrongly??

So who is left?

Tiger is stuck at -4. He would have been the co-leader if he had not lost 4 strokes on that 15th. Fine. Our prediction engine works. It just doesn’t take into account balls hitting the flag and crazy viewers complaining that Tiger wrongly dropped his ball. Bubba Watson is right. These guys who complain needs to get a LIFE.

First is Angel Cabrera aka Dr Octopus. Is he going to win? He won it before. But he is WILD. He’s like a WILD buffalo in the plains of western Ohio. When pressure hits him especially the back 9, he’s going to choke, because his swing just can’t hold up. He won a few years back thanks to that Perry guy choking and losing a 2 stroke lead with 2 holes to play.

Chasing him are 3 Australians, looking to be the first Australians winning the Masters. This might be the year, after the nightmare that Greg Norman endured, it took decades for Australians to find their belief again. Anyways. Day, Scott and Leishman. Adam Scott I don’t think so, after what he endured in the British Open. Too many demons. Leishman we don’t think so as well, because he’s a nobody. Augusta gods generally don’t like first timers who hasn’t put their numbers yet, unlike the PGA championship gods, also known as the major with the biggest amount of nobodies as winners.

There’s a guy called Brandt Snedeker also in the mix. But we already said, as long as he doesn’t cut his hair, he ain’t gonna win it.

So that leaves Jason Day, who looks half Asian, and who we will be predicting to be Augusta champion. The first Australian to do so!

Oh by the way, Bubba Watson, our Masters champion made the cut. But he shot a +10 on the par 3 12th, the famous Amen Corner par 3. That is a sextuple bogey. That’s humiliating Bubba. But wait, he’s not the only one. There’s our all time favourite hacker, Kevin Na, the king of high scores and the most likely person that should not be playing on the PGA tour due to the embarassment he has endured as a pro through his career. I hate to hit an Asian brother when he’s down but…..WHY IS KEVIN NA A PRO WHEN HE PLAYS LIKE CRAP???!?! Kevin Na also shot a 10 but that’s nothing compared to his duodecuple bogey a few years back, a +12 over. So this guy is really used to playing lousy golf and an inspiration for hackers all over the world, that you could actually play crap golf and play at the top level! NA!!!!

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The Masters Begin

It’s 5 a.m here and I’m up.

Despite the fact that workload has piled up and that I have to work over weekend. Despite the fact that my wife is away and I am handling my 10 month old son on my own for a week. Despite the fact that I am still recovering from watching the most hideous horror show the day before called Juventus vs Bayern Munich where my favourite team played like a bunch of lizards soaked in vodka.

Now it’s 5:30 and I just managed to get my little one to sleep after waking up for the 45th time tonight.

But this is Augusta.

Of all the 4 majors of golf, the first major is probably the most coveted, and the most watched major of all time.

There are several story lines here. Rory McIlroy came off number 2 last week at the texas open. Will he win? Don’t think so. Although his girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki looks hot in the all white caddy outfit during the par 3 contest. And she duffs it like us. So cute.

Tianlang Guan (I think that’s Guan Tian Lang)is hovering around the cut at +4 now although he started day 1 well, but he was penalised +1 for slow play by a guy called John Paramor. He’s a 14 year old from China with the possibility to make the cut, John. Now WTH would you penalise a 14 year old from China who could probably make history in modern major? I say modern, meaning there was a guy younger than Guan called Young (apparently there was an old) Tom Morris in 1865 who played in the Open who was younger. Back then, the average age of the field was 18 years old and the population of the world was around 1,239. The number of people Tom Morris competed with was 8, in addition to the resident porcupine. In Augusta, by far, this chinaboy is the youngest. Now, John Paramor can make the headlines by cutting history from the field with the spirit of golf rules, also called retarded anal, and borderline racist rule. We’ll see.

And Bubba Watson, the returning Augusta champion is now +5 and looking very likely to miss the cut. It’s the worst to miss the cut when you are a defending champion in Augusta because you have to stay for the next 2 days to wait for the ceremony where you put on the green jacket for the champion. So, you miss the cut, make $0, endure the humiliation of hanging around Augusta or walking with the gallery and with the knowledge that your hook shot last year to win was an absolute fluke, and getting ribbed by the real champions that your ass just got pwned by a 14 year old from China. Bubba’s already fragile mental state is going down the crap and he’ll end up like Michael Campbell and miss the next 87 cuts of his life. He cried during the pre tournament game, showing his absolute lack of control. After today’s game, apparently he curled up in the 18th hole bunker and bawled like a baby, until John Paramor had to assess him as Unfit for Champion penalty.

And finally there is Tiger. He just saved par on the treacherous 11th as I typed this and now approach the par 5 12th with a vengeance. He is tied for the lead. And unlike last year where he was prone to self destruction, he seems pretty in control and has two Aussies (Day and Leishman) and a octogenarian (Fred Couples) for company. If Tiger gets paired with Freddy on the 3rd day, look for him to move up. He plays well with Fred Couples because Fred Couples is so easy going, it looks like he’s about to stroll off for a smoke any minute. Tiger will absolutely kill the course on 3rd day and for the final day, he’ll make a few mistakes but end up winning. Trust me, Gilagolf sees it.

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