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Schadenfreude for Spieth?

jspieth

One of the first German words I learnt was schadenfreude. At least I think it’s german. Ich weiss nicht, tut mir leid.

It means that we are happy over someone else’s misfortune. For instance, the BMW that just cut into my lane this morning and immediately ends up in a horrific crash…but of course he escapes and his entire car bursts into flames. Man, that feels good. Or the car that parked in two parking lots suddenly randomly bursts into flames.

Or take Tiger – after years of dominance and arrogance, suddenly to be reduced to a lousy hacker that cannot chip – tell you what, a lot of people had that schadenfreude feeling.

But Spieth?

I saw his trainwreck in Augusta back nine. It’s similar to the one that Rory endured in 2011. Unlike Spieth, Rory was already struggling on the front nine before exploding to a back nine 43 and a final score of 80. That’s like us hackers scoring 110 on the final day.

Jordan? No one saw it coming on the front nine. He was at one time -7 and 4 under for his round. After he reeled off 3 birdies in a row including an extremely difficult one on the 9th, most people just thought, just give him the damn jacket.

Then came the implosion.

10 was a bad drive, 11 was a bad putt where he missed a 4 footer after an incredible 3rd shot. And then, came the 12th. Amen corner, at least 11 and 12 are.

Remarkably, his total strokes on 10,11 and 12th is exactly the same as Rory’s in 2011. Rory scored 7-5-5 and Jordan scored 5-5-7. Unfortunately his meltdown of 7 came on the par 3, so he played it 6 over as opposed to Rory’s 5 over. So it’s worse.

But while Rory was shaking his head, throwing his putter, untucking his shirt and looking like he had the worst job on earth collecting shit; Jordan did not throw his club once, did not slam his club into the ground, did not slam his club into his bag, and when he chunked his second into the water on the 12th – he just calmly ask for another ball. When he putted out for a 7, he just walked off, disappointed obviously but all the while as if he was just 1 down on a 15-5-5 betting game instead of the bloody Masters at bloody Augusta.

Its impossible to not like Jordan Spieth. Welcome to the world of sports, where you can be a good guy and also the best in the world. The world of Michael Jordan thrash talking is replaced by the mild mannered Stephen Curry – the world of Tiger Woods replaced by Jordan Spieth, who has a little sister with Autism and started a foundation for special children’s needs.

When you have him say, “Being Ellie’s brother humbles me every day of my life.”, you know his guy is honest-to-God a great guy and there is no way anybody on this God given earth can have a bad thought about him. Check out this clip on him and slowly clap your hands.

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There you go – 111th in the world tied with 1st in the world

tigerrory2

 

A couple of things.

My prediction was spot on. Tiger shot 68. He messed up the back 9 as predicted…couple of birdies, couple of bogeys. BAM! I just want to brag. Because I rarely get it correct, but because I was so pissed with Hank Heiney for sounding like Nostradamus only to eat crap after that when Tiger displayed no issues with his short game.

Hank: There is no way someone can get back his chipping so easily. HE HAS THE DAMN YIPS. Trust me, I am a short game expert and one of the top golf instructors in the world. I trained Tiger and made him what he is. His dad didn’t do crap for him and that Bitch Harmon guy is  wanker. I am the best. Call me at 1-800-HANKHASABIGDIC. Free lessons at my place if you are pornstar.

Gilagolf: Wait – Tiger didn’t mess his chips. His bogeys came from stupid drives and stupid putts. In fact, this guy’s chips are amazing. What are you talking about, the yips?

Hank:….Call me at 1-800-HANKHASABIGDIC.  Free lessons at my place if you are pornstar. Did I mention that it’s HANKHASABIGDIC?

Secondly – we now have the 111st player in the world teeing up with the 1st player in the world. And the 111 guy is a bigger attraction than the 1st player in the world. Only in golf will you see this, that 111 > 1. In ATP, this means James Ward is a better tennis player than Novak Djokovic. In badminton it is Dinuka KARUNARATNA vs Chen Long and Dinuka is bigger and more famous. In football, it means Libya is bigger news than Germany. You get the idea.

Tiger is NOT the 111st player in the world. He’s just at that spot temporarily for whatever reason because he doesn’t play. You would have the world believe that Tomohiro Kondo is better than him?

Bring it on tonight!

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Ripple – Probably one of the best Nike Ad. Ever.

tigerrory

I am not a big fan of Nike.

Not just about golf. I used to play a lot of basketball when I was younger. I know, I don’t look like I can even jump higher than a piece of paper now but strangely, I was pretty good at basketball…well enough to represent the school, and also later in my University, be part of an Asian team that generally got thrashed badly by the Australians. OK – I am not that great, but I played the point pretty well and had a good jumpshot.

Anyway, it all went south after twisting my ankles over and over when I bought Nike shoes. Every basketball shoes I had, I would twist my ankle again and again until I gave up on Nike and bought AND1. The accidents stopped, but the injuries were too long gone and I was left with a pair of ankles that were as weak as Tiger’s chipping.

And golf? I don’t know. I never tried Nike. I don’t think they suck – after all, their irons are comparable to Mizuno I suppose. But they seem to have a bad rapport among my group. Anyone carrying Nike clubs would automatically be granted the designation of poser. I guess it’s not so much of the equipment  these day – but just the association with it. Maybe Nike made crap equipment previously but I am sure they have improved. The association with Tiger is something they can’t escape. Not that it’s bad, but it’s like wearing red when we play golf. It’s like, if you do that, you better play well! If not you are just a poser!

But one thing about Nike is that they make interesting commercials. Not all of it are good, but two that stands out for Tiger is the one they did where he was kid and won the British Open here:

But the recent one that came out, called ‘Ripple’? Awesome on so many aspects. Especially now that Tiger is seen to be in his twillight years. This one out did the rest.

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Rory vs David Duval

An interesting following up to the post yesterday: apparently, one of our favourite hacker of all time, David Duval had taken up tweeting about Rory’s lame ass excuse and simply gave what I already wrote the same spin…however, to the 17,000 followers he has, as opposed to the 12 I currently have. And that includes both my dead dogs.

Before we start, let’s just say David Duval knows this subject really well. The greatest in the world, reduced to nothing. It’s like watching Bane break Batman’s back over and over and over and over…and in David’s case, over again. He is the epitome of the Great Failure. And yet, through all the 85s, the 90s, the lost balls, the hooks, the embarrassing duffs and missed tap ins…the former world number 1 never quit. He took all the embarrassment and he summed it up in one sentence, transcending every single wisdom there was in golf:

“Bad days and bad scores are part of golf. Don’t tee off if your ego can’t take it.”

Obvious reference to Rory the Quitter. David was pretty candid and it’s very interesting how he tweeted about it, because this is a guy who was King once, like Rory, but collapsed so spectacularly that they have written his story down for Paranormal Activity 5.

His tweets are as follows, with true translation based on our understanding of Duval’s cryptic language:

“Always keep fighting and trying.” – “Please, Rory, stop bitching like a girl and play the damn game, you stupid, spoilt little twit!”

“You never know who came to watch you play that day. How far they drove or from where they flew. That’s part of why I never quit.” – “Rory, you are a piece of trash. Garbage. People like me would pay millions to be able to hit the ball like you. I never quit, except when I was injured, sick, tired, fat, lazy, sleepy or have to take my kids up from school, or chillax with my wife at the movies. You useless, toothless Quitter.”

“Illness or injury are the only reasons not to finish your round. As a pro you should always post your score. It’s your responsibility.” – “Toothache is an excuse 6 year old kids give when they want to skip school. You just got paid USD78 million to play the game, you Irish Imbecile. And yes, I want to see your pathetic score, then at least, I know I could have beaten you, for the first time in my entire life. Give me your DAMN score!!!”

“Bad days and bad scores are part of golf. Don’t tee off if your ego can’t take it.” – “Egoistical Imbecile.”

“I am not in any way digging on Rory. Please don’t take it that way. I believe he would finish if he could.” – “I got a call from Nike saying they are going to pull away my USD738 per year sponsorship deal if I don’t post this up. Utter bullshit.”

Ah, David, we love you so much. Keep hacking and please, for goodness sake, give us something to cheer about this year!

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The Fall of Rory McIlroy

Maybe that's where Rory McIlroy should have left his Nike clubs. (Getty Images)

I know. We don’t kick someone when they are already knocked down. Neither do we write proper journalism or report when other websites and blogs do a better job at that.

But come on, Rory. You were our golden boy before you became the world’s golden boy. You were the great inspiration after suffering from a mental breakdown in Augusta, and then went on to win the US Open and PGA Championship. You became World Number One, ironically at last year’s Honda Classic, the very same event that yesterday, you QUIT. Frankly, we think the World Number One title was the first mistake you made. You’re not ready for it. Secondly, your relationship with that tennis girl, Carol Wozniaki. I mean, I get it. She’s hot. But it ain’t gonna work, because you guys travel so much, and her thighs are larger than yours, and she likely benches heavier than you.

I think we've all been here. (Getty Images)

Anyway, we know you are a hack. You’ve proven that even when you are capable of some ridiculously great golf, you are still a hacker. The way you play is streaky, like us. Your mental strength is as strong as a squid’s backbone, your swing, at its worst, resembles a python wrapping around a tapir. That’s giving birth.

But today, you are no longer one of us. You cannot even be lumped with the 832 million registered hackers around the world. Because you broke our one code of conduct.

YOU DO NOT QUIT.

Quitting is one of the WORST action a hacker can have. Why? Because in every round we play, things usually get SO bad, that quitting crosses our mind invariably. Invariably. When we hook our 10th ball OB. When we duff our bloody chip again. When we miss that 2 footer, for the 7th time, to settle for our quadrumulticle (+43) bogey. Don’t you think we have that thought as well, Rory? Don’t you think we are humans as well, with vestige of pride, especially when we observe the course resident monkeys cackling at us, and possibly, playing better than us? Don’t you think on the sixth hole of almost every game,we want to walk off because our game sucked so bad that even the python and tapir analogy does not begin to describe our retarded swings??!

But we don’t. Quit. That’s the law. No matter how badly we struggle, we keep at it, we continue on, we soldier on, because all around the world, millions of similarly skilled golfers are doing the same. There is fellowship in the fraternity of suffering. It shows we are martyrs for golf. Even when we are down in every game and we know our flight mates are laughing at us, and taking our lunch money.That’s the price we pay. That’s the measure of manhood in golf. We never say die.

Now, I know your skills are possibly better than ours. But this applies to you as well. The moment you desecrate this law, you fall lower than the lowest scum in golf. You become John Daly’s only peer in the Scum category.

And your excuse? We’ll pretend we didn’t hear that. It’s pathetic. It makes you look like a crybaby. And we all know it’s a lie. It’s a flat out lie. You should have just manned up and continued with the truth: That you sucked, you were humiliated, you are the world Number one but play like an idiot, you made a mistake by making a stupid decision to quit. Take the fine or ban and move on. At least, even John Daly never lied about his reason to quit. He honestly says he has no more balls, after dumping his entire bag of balls into the lake.

Rory McIlroy grabs his nose. I thought it was your tooth! (Getty Images)

Toothache? After all Tiger Woods have done to make golf a respectable, athlete’s sport, with some semblance of fitness in there, you sent it back to the dark ages with that statement. A world number 1. Quitting because his teeth is painful. They should strip you of your dignity and hang you out to dry and never let you represent the game of golf ever again.

This is written out of sheer disappointment, Rory. Not spite or malice. After supporting you throughout your rise to world number 1 (although you’re a placeholder until Tiger gets it back), you have betrayed the trust of every golf hacker in the world. You quit. You lied. And you chose Nike’s money over your own career. Tiger wins IN SPITE of Nike, not BECAUSE of. And Tiger never walks away, unless he’s injured. Even when he was playing like a twit. You should have thought about it before going to the dark side.

Rory McIlroy begin escorted off the course. (Getty Images)

You’re done, Rory. You might still be world number one officially, but in reality, you can’t represent golf anymore, because you are a quitter and a liar, and you can only take successes but not the failures. For all of Tiger’s mistakes off the course, he never sullied the name of golf like you did as world number one. To hackers, this is similar to Lance’s Armstrong’s lies and cheats, it’s not forgivable. You’ve disrespected the tournament, the people who paid to see you and overall, the game of golf.

Tiger, the game of golf needs you back!

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Was Tiger right to snub WGC?

A lot of flak had been given to our favourite misfit golfer, Tiger Woods over the past week, which really proves that if you are popular and back at the top of the world, you ain’t going to make everyone happy.

Apparently he was in China playing that mickey mouse 1 on 1 with Rory. First of all, 1 on 1 in golf in an exhibition, non-tournament game is pure nonsense. I mean, if you’re talking about a contact sport like basketball, then heck, yeah! Michael Jordan vs Magic Johnson, Kobe vs Lebron, Tim Duncan vs Anyone on this planet, why not? You see both athletes trash talking, bumping and grinding against each other (and not in a porno way), vs Tiger and Rory in grey sweaters walking around and talking about the weather and what to eat after that.

So anyways, the people at wgc hsbc are really pissed because since Tiger is in China and Rory is in China, they should have competed in the WGC tournament.

Morgan expressed “disappointment” earlier this week that both McIlroy and Woods were in China but did not stay to play the WGC event at Mission Hills. McIlroy is taking the week off before playing three of the remaining four European Tour events.

“To have a World Golf Championship in Asia is really important for the sport, to balance the sport out, and to grow,” Morgan said. “And because it’s a World Golf Championship event, it requires the best players to be here.”

HSBC also sponsors the Abu Dhabi tournament, which both Woods and McIlroy played this year (McIlroy finished second, Woods tied for third) and where both receive appearance fees. They will get paid again in January to return. The WGC event is co-sponsored by the PGA Tour, which prohibits such fees.

Guess what, Morgan? The reality here is this: If you give the money, then we’ll talk. As a business man, would you go into a deal that guaranteed you US2 million for just showing up for 4 hours or to grind it out for 4 days with the possibility of only getting about half of the prize money? Going by man hour rates, it’s pretty obvious a business decision is made in this case. If WGC paid Tiger, he would be there because he can afford it. And I bet he’s thinking, “Damn, when I was down and out and looked like crap, played like crap and 58 in the world, nobody gave rotten eggs to me. They said I was bad for the game, bad as a role model and I sucked. Now when I am number 2, everyone is hero worshipping me again and asking me to be a good ambassador to this sorry excuse for a sport. If they want me to be there, they better sponsor to fly in losers like David Duval and John Daly as well!”

It’s true. Tiger has gone past the “I need to be an example for the sport” period. He’s had it. He wrote a personal mail to me saying, “You know what, Gilagolf, I am done with this horseshit. From now on, Tiger only plays for one person: Tiger. I am bigger than this sport, and I might as well acknowledge it. So go suck it, Morgan Stanley or whatever the heck your name is!”

“And because it’s a World Golf Championship event, it requires the best players to be here.” – What is this about? If you can’t attract the best golfers you can’t attract it. Nothing requires the best players to be there. That’s why golf is for self employment, it’s that aside from playing minimum tournaments, there’s no mandatory tournaments that must be played?  And face it, after losing 16 kg of sweat in Malaysia, then heading off to China for USD2 million for a 4 hour game, then coming back to Singapore to screw around in Marina Sands, who’d want to go back to freaking Shanghai? He’s done. Time to recharge and win again next year.

About Rory watching his girlfriend lose again, I don’t know. Seems pretty dodgy, since Rory still has loads to prove and should be taking the mantle of role modelship from Tiger. Apparently, like all Irish, he doesn’t give a cannolli of what the world thinks as well…which is why he and Tiger get along so well, I guess.

Which is also strange, to see Tiger cosy up with curly hair Rory. We know Tiger would rather pound Rory into a pulp and spit on his carcass…so why the friendly strategy? What is going on up in the devious mind of Tiger?

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Tiger vs Rory

Did any of you know that there was apparently a “Duel and Jinsha Lake” yesterday? It’s a mano-e-mano, one to one matchup between the world number 1 and world number 2.

World number 2 gets 2 million USD. World number 1 gets 1 million USD. I know, there’s something a bit wrong here, so I am guessing world number 3 gets…?

Anyways, Jinsha lake is located somewhere in Henan, China. Which is somewhere in China. Anyhoos, I managed to accidentally catch the game on TV as I came back from lunch. A couple of calls to clients moved all my meetings two hours later and I managed to catch the majority of the so-called Duel.

Which.Was.A.Waste.Of.Time.

Not so much that Tiger lost, I think -4 to Rory’s -5, but the way they lost it. They didn’t give a crap. It was exhibition. They got a couple of million bucks just to show up, and even though the commentator said it was for ‘pride’, I am not buying it. 2 million bucks is more than they will get if they won a regular tour tournament. Heck, it’s larger than a major event’s purse! All they need to do was play 18 holes. It’s equivalent to a consultant working on a project for 3 months to get 300,000RM, or work 3 days to get 600K RM. Which one would be better?

Tiger played like I’ve never seen before. Without a damn. He just wasn’t locked in. When he hit a bad shot, he didn’t care. When he hit a good shot, he didn’t care. No fist pumps, no anger, no slamming of clubs, no clenched fist. It was like his mind was on Mickey Mouse playing the ukelele. You could see how disengage he was, when rory would talk to him facing him, he never looked back at Rory, just stare into the ground ahead and talked back a bit. After a while, I think Rory said, “Darn it Tiger, just play along a bit or we will lose this stupidly easy paycheck, will ya??!?”

Rory? Heck, I don’t know, he was playing well, but he was just walking about, not really caring much as well and I think purposely missing a few putts to keep it close. He was a lot better than Tiger, granted.

The only interesting thing was their conversations to each other as they sauntered along, collecting a few thousand bucks with each step they took. Rory was talking about the weather and Tiger was saying it was a hell lot better than the hellhole called Malaysia last week (not in those words)…and he was saying he was literally dripping as he addressed the ball in KL. (in those exact words).

Another interesting bit was this humongously irritating on-course chinese interviewer, who literally stopped Tiger and Rory while they were still playing and asked stupid questions like: “How do you think you are hitting it?” “How is the weather?” “What color underwear are you wearing?” He was classic hilarious. The look on Tiger’s face when he was first accosted as he was walking to his second shot, as if “WTF is this china man?” The very next hole, the hole he swung his driver dramatically out of his hands in a hook shot, he strode off to his ball fuming. And this annoying chinaman interviewer hops in front of him and says: “What do you think of your shot?” Tiger at that moment was a milisecond away from slamming his Nike club into the head of this guy but stopped himself with two sentences: “2 Million prize money. 100 billion losses in PR”. He smoothed his face and smiled forcefully and through visibly grinding teeth said, “I don’t know, I havent seen it yet.”

Ah, the beauty of insensitive and utterly clueless chinese interviewers!

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PGA TOUR is STUPID

Yes.

PGA Tour is stupid.

After missing opportunities to pair up a possible Vijay, Tiger and Rory in the 3rd round for the BMW championship, they again mess up the fourth round pairing. Here’s the leader board:

And here is the tee time tonight for the final round:

I mean, seriously, it does not take a genius to figure out the delicious storylines in store here, and as golfers, storylines are what rivalries are made of. Because golf is so blardy boring to watch, in effect, just a couple of old men swinging a club, or in some rare instances swinging their other equipments at multiple pornstars; any storyline is a good storyline.

VJ and Phil.

Vijay is one of my favourite players. He has a “I don’t give an F who you are because I was brought up in the jungles in borneo hitting golf balls at orang utans in the sunset” attitude. He doesn’t care. It’s very likable. If he had a facebook page, I’d “like” it a million times if it’s possible. It’s not. So once is enough. Anyway, Vijay hates Phil because Phil is fat, walks around Augusta greens and his spike marks spoils the green. Vijay doesn’t give fart if Phil was Mr Popular, he went at him like a lion in the dressing room and they had to be separated by 5 players, Phil’s eyes were blue black, Vijay’s knuckles bleeding and the aforementioned offending shoe spike stuck in Phil’s back for a few hours. Vijay will stare down Phil today and win the head to head.

Rory and Lee Westwood

Between the two, I don’t know who I dislike more. But whatever it is, they dislike each other more. We don’t know, and can’t trace back to the exact moment, but it was likely that night in the pub when Rory came in with his first major trophy, the US Open, and asked all the Irish men to fill it with Guinness. Lee, who was there took offense that he didn’t ask to mix the English beer in as well and wasn’t invited to the table, which was for “Irish, major winners only, including Grahme and Padraig”. Since then, Lee Westwood has given Rory the eyeball. But instead of WWII like Vijay and Phil, it was more like a cold war between them, so it will be interesting to see how Rory kick Lee Westwood’s butt tonight.

So they got these two right. Now you got 3 guys at -14 and a certain Mr Woods at -13, so one of the -14 guys will be with Mr Woods right?

WHO ELSE??

Adam Scott!!! So we can see Steve Williams and his old employer. If Vijay and Phil is WWII, Steve and Tiger is at thermonuclear, intergalactic warfare. It would have drawn THE largest crowd of the entire decade.

Instead, they give us this: Adam Scott and this clown called Garrigus and Tiger and his old friend Dustin. Jeez.

We all know that Tiger doesn’t motivate himself anymore. He needs external motivation. Played like a hero when Rory was battling him. Played like a pondan when  he had nobody to drive him today. And now, with a friendly party like Dustin Hoffman, I mean, Johnson, Tiger has 0 chance to win. He’s going to fade, play like a nutball and end up like 15th or 20th or something.

Stupid PGA Tour people.

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I Hope there is another train wreck

After seeing the disaster of the previous major, I am hoping that Rory screws up big time.

I don’t know why I don’t like him. I just don’t. I can’t stand the fact that he hits the ball so darn far, and looks like one of those clowns from the brady bunch. I hope down the stretch the wind picks up and we see a catastrophe!

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So What Happened to Rory?

Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland watches his tee shot on the second tee during the second round of the Memorial Tournament at Muirfield Village Golf Club in Dublin, Ohio June 1, 2012. REUTERS/John Sommers II

So while everyone is speculating why is Tiger failing so spectacularly on the traditional moving days of his tournament, whatever our dear hacker patron, Mr Rory McIlroy? Missing 3 cuts in the row might be ok for David Duval, but for someone considered as World number 2, and up until recently world number 1, it is pretty much a disaster.

So let’s dissect, what happened to Rory McIlroy?

If you look at history, his crapness is directly related to his position as a top rank golfer. He simply can’t get it done as a number 1 golfer.

March 4 2012, McIlroy became world’s number 1. He was there for 2 weeks, approximately, 0.7% of Tiger Woods’ tenure. He played ok for his first and last tournament in his first tenure as number 1, a 3rd place at WGC Cadillac. Then he lost it on March 18. He regained it on April 15, even though he played like crap in Augusta. He lasted just 2 weeks again till April 28. His achievement as world number 1: ZERO. He didn’t do anything.

So he lost his world number one on April 29, but regained it back on May 6. Immediately he played like a punk missing The Players Champs cut. As world number 1, he shot an embarassing 74-79 to miss the BMW cut. He lost it again on May 26th, this time seemingly for good, as he bombed on the Memorial, tied for 87, and missing the third consecutive cut.

Rory’s total weeks as world number 1 = 7. Against Tiger’s 623. That is 1.12%.

Why are we talking about the apparent heir to Tiger then? It’s obvious he plays like crap when there are expectations placed on him! Just like a hacker!

Ah, how we love Rory.