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Golf Sabattical – England – Part 3

A Condensed guide to a sabattical in Southwest England and London:

13. Don’t pay for Roman Bath Tour

It is a known fact that we Malaysians would do anything to get a free ride. We honestly didn’t mind paying to see the famed Roman Baths Hot Springs, but we entered the back-side of the bath house, manned by a single elderly chap. When we asked him where to pay the 15 quids per person (expensive!!), he told us to just walk through the bath house to the front and get the tour ticket there. Needless to say, by the time we walked through the bath house, we had taken sufficient photos and experienced the huge Roman dining hall to pass the actual tour.

14. Do the Free Touristy Stuff

If you’re into churches (as in architecture, not church girls), Bath has a pretty good one called the Bath Abbey, or St Peter. I think. We didn’t get to go inside because they were closed for service. And in any case we were in a hurry.

Another place you could go is the royal crescent, which is just a bunch of houses that are shaped as moon crescent. It’s supposed to be an architectural wonder, but I wouldn’t know, as my whole architectural experience consist of trying to extend my house kitchen into the backyard by 8 feet.

Something closer to my specialty would be the Jane Austen Centre. Now, I’ve read most of her books and I can honestly tell you I would likely nod off to sleep for each book. I don’t really get her books, and I’ve read Emma, Persuasions, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park. The only one I couldn’t get past was Northanger Abbey. Jane had a thing for Bath, so apparently she stayed around this area, which is near to the Crescent place. In the centre I found the solution for introducing Jane to my future kids: Comics! Marvel apparently had translated her books into comic form, which is great! Now at least we won’t fall asleep over the genteel English culture!

Finally, there’s probably a couple of tourist trap around Bath, aside from the obvious Roman Baths and Spa (get from Thailand, much better and cheaper). One that we got sucked in was this place called Sally Lunn, which is ‘World Famous’ for her Sally Lunn Bun. It’s at the oldest house in Bath, apparently built 1482. Heard of Sally Lunn? No? Me neither, so either we are not from this world or the ‘World Famous’ is as mythical as my ‘World Famous’ golf blog. Anyway, for the chinese, it’s difficult to say Sally Lunn without snickering at the surname a little. Hehe. Immature urchins.

Anyway, just take pictures but don’t try to bun, because it sucks. It’s just bread with chocolate (the one we had) and I had a hard time stuffing it in, knowing I paid an equivalent of RM30 for it.Apparently Legend had it that Sally hid the recipe at a secret compartment in the house, which was discovered by some intrepid busybody. Obviously, she hid it to remove the horrendous recipe from the face of this earth. Why must people uncover things that should be laid to rest? Haven’t they learnt from Transformers, not to dig up that old hack Sentinel Prime??

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Tiger Time

So, now he has finally won. We’ve been predicting this for ages. A guy with that many wins, that many majors ain’t gonna disappear into the sunset. He’s back, he’s now single without any worries of infidelity, and he has won….a mickey mouse event, nonetheless but still, WON!

You can feel the huge amount of relief as he dropped that last putt to beat Zach Johnson by a stroke for the Chevron event. Immediately the Tiger Woods fan club is now back to life. We’re big fans of Tiger not because we’re glory seekers, but he’s the only reason that separates golf from lawn bowl in terms of watchability on TV. Seriously. Garcia, Rory and all these guys are good, but they are so boring to watch. Yes, even Garcia. With Woods, you have history. You’ve grown up with this dude. You’ve played golf because of him. You have secretly became an internal commentator of your game comparing your stroke to that of Tiger’s. And you’ve seen him fall from the golfing heavens to hell, and now, apparently back again. This guy IS golf for many of our generations. So, what’s there not to support? He’s the only person wielding a 5-iron that is worth supporting in this dreary sport. Golf is a great player’s game, but it’s a lousy spectator sport, face it.

Now, the one thing that has been tough to swallow over these past months, aside from the ridiculous merry go round we see at world number 1, are people who thinks that they are obliged to comment about Tiger’s sorry game state.

Even when he wins, you get a joke like Jeff Maggert, commenting:

“I’m sure he’ll count it as a win. But 18 guys? C’mon! At this time of year, you’re fat on turkey looking forward to Christmas. But you don’t have the guys from behind pressing you for four days when there are only 18 guys in the field. You’re only having to beat three or four guys at the end of the day, where normally you might have seven or eight guys nipping at your heels.”

Jeff Maggert then says sagely, “For him to win this week is obviously a stepping stone for his confidence. He played well on a tough golf course.”

Jeff Maggert. Winner of a grand total of 12 professional tournaments. Commenting on someone who has 149 wins in all tournaments. That is an amazing 8% of Tiger’s achievements. And that too winning titles like the awesome Malaysian Open back in 1989. Who the heck is this guy, Jeff Maggot? What has he done, except to eat Tiger’s dirt?

Jeff Maggert. He’s playing this week at Q-School, with the winning cheque of USD50,000. Tiger just won 1.2 Million, exactly 2,400% better than Mr Maggert.

And why do people, especially the bottom feeders, suddenly want to comment about Tiger when Gilagolf has been saying all the while that Tiger will return?

Looking forward to 2012 finally.

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Golf Sabattical – England – Part 2

Continuing some travel monologue in England:

5. Stay at a small town

England is littered with small towns here and there. One of the destinations we had was a place called Dorchester, right in the heart of Dorset. Dorchester doesn’t have too much to do, not unless you are a Thomas Hardy fan. Who? Thomas Hardy? Ain’t he the guy from the movie Inception and the Warrior?

No, that’s Tom Hardy. Thomas Hardy is a dead poet and literary figure who wrote books like The Mayor of Casterbridge, Tess of D’ubervilles, Far from the Madding Crowd etc.

Quite a guy. Basically, he based his stories on a fictional place called Wessex, which itself is based on the landscape around Dorset, so he’s pretty popular around this region. As it is, aside from hacking golf courses, I’m a big fan of his books, which incidentally taught me more about writing and speaking English than all the 10 years of education in the Malaysian school system, both primary and secondary.

So anyways, Dorchester is actually what Thomas Hardy calls Casterbridge is his novels. There’s a walk around town for all the relevant buildings and landscapes used in his stories. It’s quite a yawnfest unless you are a Thomas Hardy fanboy like me.

6. Stay at an Inn

Or a B&B. We chose one of the oldest hotel in town because I wanted to do the walks, but if you like, stay at a cottage B&B to experience English countryside.

7. Visit a church graveyard

It might sound dark and sinister, but we went to visit the burial site of Thomas Hardy (well, I did, dragging my wife along). We weren’t supposed to enter (for clergy only), but we unlocked the gate and strolled through anyway and took photos of the Hardy graves. Not your idea of a typical holiday, ain’t it?

8. Take a stroll in the woods

English countryside experience is not complete until you take a walk in the woods. Late Autumn, early winter is especially pretty, with the trees shedding their leaves all over the trail; the summer crowd all but gone; we didn’t see a single person in our half hour walk through the woods. Back in Malaysia we would be fearful of thugs coming to rob us.

9. Visit Hardy’s Birthplace

Only if you’re a fan, that is. I completed the pilgrimage to Dorset by visiting his birthplace, his grave and his home where he would write his books. It’s easy being a fan of a dead guy who writes poems and novels a 100 years ago….there is very little competition and restrictions!

10. Visit the Naked Giant of Cerne Abbas

Cerne Abbas. This is where you have the naked fertility giant chalked into the hills by ancient tribes. The story goes that even today people would illegally go into the hills where the chalk giant’s big dongle is and have sex in order to get kids. It’s weird. But the giant is really a sight to see.

Unfortunately due to the fog, it was tough to make out, so I took the liberty of going into the village and taking a close up of one of the souvenirs:

There you go. It’s hilarious.

11. Have English Cream Teas

You won’t get anything better back home. Go to any small village and enter a tavern, or a cafe and have the cream teas, which is like a value meal with tea, scones, butter bread and additional english condiments. It tastes amazing, and I don’t even like scones.

12. Head to Bath

Bath is one of the best towns west of London. It’s steeped with Roman history and of course, the famed hot springs for Spa and Bath, from which I suppose it derived its name. It’s a bit jammed up in Bath though, and the streets are horrendously confusing. Also, parking sucks there, so be careful. We found this excellent B&B called Three Abbey Green, which is simply great value for money stay. It’s located in it’s own little section in the town with cobbled streets, surrounding a giant tree. It’s pretty cool.

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Golf Sabattical – England – Part 1

Every once in a while, there comes a time where we actually go on a holiday without golf on the agenda. It’s difficult to imagine, yes, but there you go. To England, near the birthplace of golf and absolutely no golf played at all. I suppose there is no relevance at all to this blog, but since I don’t have any other blogs for my non golf buddies (actually curious family members) to go to, I’m just piggy backing this to explain to them that I actually DID NOT play any golf, even though I was presented with the opportunity to go ‘punting’, as the local Oxfordians would call it.

So what does it take for a reasonably cheap, and quick trip to England?

1. Get out of London

This seems like a curious decision, but you can’t experience England if you spend most of your time in London. It’s packed, it’s full of Asians, it looks like any other city except for the cramped underground trains and cold weather. Take a car and get out to the countryside. If you have limited time, go to the southwest of England like we did, or the southeast. North of England is a little too long a road to travel.

2. Get a good car

England loves manual cars, maybe because they don’t have traffic jams like we do. Actually they do, and it will get 1000x worse when the Olympics roll in next year. In fact, many Londoners are predicting the 2012 Olympics to be a utter and complete disaster due to London’s crappy metro and horrendously packed trains. Anyways, get a good solid car to head out into the country. We chose the solid looking Peugeot 3008 Diesel. It’s a GREAT drive this one.

3. See Castles

Castles are to England what Wats are to Thailand. You simply can’t go England without at least seeing one castle, preferable one in ruins and offering some really good pictures. Castles are embedded in England’s history; from the Arthurian Legends to Robin Hood to Rapunzel.

You can delve into the history of England with related courses from various Online Colleges.

But for us, who suck at learning, we took the practical route and headed west of London, we took the road to Dorset and came across this place called Isle of Purbeck, and there, Corfe Castle. It’s pronounced “Corf”, not “Corf-fee” which we were happily pronouncing until a local guy corrected us. Anyway, it’s a pretty amazing place. They say this was where Enid Blyton based her Kirrin Castle from the Famous Five books, from. No, Enid Blyton is not a golfer. She’s a children’s writer.

4. See the coast

England has some of the most amazing coastal lines you’re ever going to see. The southwestern part offers the Jurassic Coast, spanning hundreds of miles of wild English countryside. The South east offers the white walls of the Cliffs of Dover. You ain’t seen England till you see the coasts.

As we were in the southwest and pressed on time, we headed over to Lulworth Cove, which is one the most picturesque place in England.

We caught it on a nice day, especially in the traditionally gloomy mid-November. It’s a horse-shoe shaped cove offering some spectacular viewpoints into the English Channel. From there, it’s about a mile hike to another of England’s coastal offering, Durdle Door.

of course, being Malaysians, we opted for the short drive over to Durdle Door from Lulworth Cove. We caught it during sunset which gave some great views.

I took a hike up to the highest and farthest point of Durdle Door. From outer space, this would be where I was.

You basically look out and you see this:

To the left and right, you see this:

Actually, it’s not really advisable to climb there, as recently there was a death where some intrepid tourist, no doubt looking for the best camera shot of his life, plunged hundreds of feet into the waters below. It’s quite dangerous once the winds blow up there, so I had to be a little careful I don’t join him into the surf below.

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Where were you

11 am , 11 Minutes and 11 seconds on the 11 of November 2011.

Stuck in a meeting indoors, management update.

Instead of playing golf.

Which lucky flers were out on the course?

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The Greatest Hacker

We love it when Pros self-destruct.

But John Daly hasn’t been a pro for a long time, and it’s certainly getting to be a norm where he starts brain farting and blasting balls after balls into the lake.

What a character. But is he good for the game?

And I don’t know why there is no “John Daly Meltdown Wiki” up yet!

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Top Premier Voucher Giveaways

Ever since this blog started, Gilagolf has a treasured history of giving away free stuff. Since the Season for giving is so near at hand, and we only have a few more weeks left to our precious 2011, the vouchers we will likely not be using will be released into the wilderness of Gilagolfers.

Let me know gilagolf78@gmail.com if you are interested, in which voucher and how many. Will let you know if still available.

Also, collection point will be @BU Center Point, or at the BU Driving range, preferably out of office hours. I don’t think the generosity extends to driving over to Setia Alam to give you guys the vouchers, even if you are really and truly appreciated to read this blog. Sorry la, petrol expensive…:)

Golf Course Type Available
Tasik Puteri Weekend (PH) – tee off after 12 pm RM105 nett, caddy compulsory @ RM42 2
Tiara Melaka Sundays – After 12 pm RM75 2
Orna Weekdays – Free greenfee

Saturdays before 12, Sundays (PH) after 1 – RM100

 1

2
A Famosa Weekdays – Free Green Fee

Sunday (PH) after 1 – RM 130

 2

2
Ayer Keroh Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends after 12 – RM100

 2

2
Bukit Banang Weekdays – No green fee

Weekends  until 2:30 pm – RM100

 4

2
Orchard Golf Johor Weekdays – No green fee

Weekends – RM105

 4

2
Daiman 18 Weekdays – No green fee

Weekends – RM120 after 12

 4

2
Harvard Golf Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM60 after 12

 4

2
Kulim Golf Weekdays – No green Fee 2
Permaipura Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM63

 2

2
Taiping Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM70

 4

2
Era Golf and Country Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM95

 2

2
PD Golf and Country Weekdays – No green Fee 2
Royal Pam Springs PD Weekdays – No green Fee 2
Awana Kijal Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM100

 4

2
Green Acres Golf Terengganu Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM70

 4

2
Awana Kijal Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM100

 4

2
Maran Hill Weekdays – No green Fee

Weekends RM60

 4

2
Bukit Unggul Weekdays – 63 Nett

Weekends RM94.50 after 1

 4

3
Bukit Kemuning Weekdays – 78 Nett 5
Awana Genting Weekdays – 71 Nett

Weekends RM135.50

 4

2
Port Klang Weekdays – RM39.75

Sundays (PH) after 2 PM RM82

 2

2
Tanjong Puteri Golf Weekdays – RM65

Weekends RM150

 4

2
Penang Golf Weekdays – RM75

Weekends RM120 after 12

 2

2
Bukit Jawi Weekdays – RM128

Weekends RM168

 4

2
Mountain View Weekdays – RM70

Weekends RM120 after 12

 2

2
Clearwater Weekdays – RM80

Weekends RM180

 4

2
Seremban 3 Weekdays -RM53

Weekends RM78

 2

2
Berjaya Hills Weekends RM120 after 1 2
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Rich people say the darndest things

Of course, the big story this week was Stevie Williams shooting off his HUGE gap again. I’m beginning to seriously dislike this guy, not because he keeps tramping off Tiger, but because he’s an idiot. Who happens to be really rich.I mean who in their right barnacles would actually say this:

“”It was my aim to shove it up that black arse—”

Concerning why he celebrated so much with Adam Scott won the Bridgestone Invitational.

I mean, seriously?

He later went on to say: “I now realize how my comments could be construed as racist. However, I assure you that was not my intent.”

Race is an obvious issue, even among normal Saturday golfers. We’re still very careful not to cross the divide by racial slurs. Not strangely, when our own race slurs ourselves, it doesn’t appear as racist, because we’re that race. But when the other groups slur us, we get all flustered up. And trust me, even in golf, there are plenty of innuendos out there that I’m sure gilagolfers know about…and it’s all done in fun. That doesn’t make us racists, it just makes us ignorant buffoons who stereotype alot on the golf course….and sometimes, even with close friends of different races, we sometimes cross that divide, but with the understanding that it’s all in fun.

But Steve Williams? Man, he takes the cake. You can see the vengeance he has against Tiger, who paid him 10 Million USD over his career with him. I mean, why must he use the word ‘black’? Doesn’t he realise the only people who can use colour to describe something is people of that colour? The only conclusion is that either he’s a genuine IDIOT, or he’s been paid a lot to drum up the tension for the president’s cup to hike up the ratings for a Tiger vs Adam Scott showdown. Poor Adam scott. If he wasn’t so filthy rich, I would have pitied him.

Anyway, here’s the top 5 racist meltdowns in sports:

1. John Terry

He apparently called Anton Ferdinand a Black C**t. It’s not proven, so it might be or might not…but, I mean here we go again, why on EARTH must he add that colour description in there? Has he been heading too many footballs and his brain has been finally reduced to rubble? John Terry, because of his recent affair with is best mate’s wife, is probably not the greatest guy to be around, so with his spotted history, he’s likely to spin off some racist remark as well. Verdict: Guilty.

2. Luis Suarez

He also apparently used the N-word against Patrice Evra. 10 times. Despite his skill, Luis Suarez is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed. You can see him: a naughty kid who skipped school to play football and peek into girls’ toilets. He probably thought the N-word was just a normal description of an ‘annoying person’ in English, and probably called his little brother that in Uruguay. So he kinda deserves a break. Verdict: Not Guilty for racism, guilty for absolute brainlessness. But he doesn’t need brains. Just skill.

3. Shaquille O’Neal

Shaq, when asked if he had anything to say to Yao Ming, who was first coming into the league as the no 1 overall pick, said: Tell Yao Ming: Ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-so. Frankly, if you ask me, I think Shaq’s a really funny guy. I think he’s a guy whom if you were to call him the N-word, he’d just laugh and tombstone you and walk off. He’s also like a big kid, and obviously loves watching Bruce Lee Movies, as evidenced by the youtube below. Verdict: Not Guilty for racism, as he genuinely thinks his joke is funny. And as a chinese, I think it’s quite funny. Although, not many people think so.

4. The Country of Spain

While many think Spain is a beautiful country (and it is) and the home of beautitful football, it’s also considered as the unofficial racism capital of the world. Thierry Henry was referred to as black sh*t by the Spanish coach. And during a full page report, the entire basketball team made this picture before going to Beijing:

Spain’s Olympic Basketball Team

I mean, this is just dumb. As in achingly, mind-numbingly DUMB. It’s like giving a heil hitler salute before going to a German Olympics. Or painting yourself black before going to South Africa World Cup. Verdict: Guilty of Racism. And of paramount stupidity that is beyond belief.

5. Kris Jenner

I know this is not a sporting personality, but she’s rich. She’s the mum of Kim Kardashian, who apparently got married and divorced in 70+ days. When asked if the ex-husband would ask back the engagement ring, she said:” No, I hate an Indian Giver, a gift is a gift.” No 1: An engagement ring is NOT a gift…it’s a symbol of commitment. If her daughter wants to break off the marriage, then give back the ring, darn it! It costs 2 Million bucks! And an ‘Indian Giver’ is an actual slur to Native Americans. It was crafted by European settlers when the natives would give them things to barter (since they had no money concept). The settlers thought they were gift, so when they did not exchange anything, the natives took the ‘gifts’ back. Early Settlers were apparently as dumb as the Spanish basketball team.

I just thought this was a little funny, because I remember this episode from Seinfield: Sit back and enjoy!

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A Famosa Golf Resort – Rockies & Palm

Introduction

Finally, A Famosa. I’ve played there several times actually, but for some dang reason, never got down to writing a review about it. I don’t know why…it has always been one of the better experiences that I’ve had, and in early November, a gila band went over to this Melaka course to hack and review. This is the story.

Travel ( 3/5)

Among all the Melaka courses, A Famosa is one of the most accessible ones. I am obviously extremely biased to the northern folks like me who have to travel south into Melaka. For the Johor flers and Singaporeans, well, you’ll need to drive up further, because A Famosa is right near the border of Negeri Sembilan and Melaka, making it only about 1 and a half hour away…it’s like traveling to Lembah Beringin and back. In fact, it’s about 30 plus km away from Air Keroh, that houses the other 3 courses in Melaka. So, all in all, A Famosa is definitely favoured.

Coming from KL, it’s extremely easy to access. It’s the golf course right next to the highway, and travelers en route to Singapore will often look wistfully at the course from the north south highway, wishing for a one day stop before being corralled by the wife in the maze of Singapore shopping centres.

Exit at the Simpang Empat turnoff, or it does say A-Famosa, so go for it. Once off the toll, take a left and then another left at Jalan Kamus, after the petrol station. Then just go all the way, under the highway and look out for a sign that says A-Famosa. There you have it, you’ve reached it.

Price ( 2/5)

Price wise, we had a bit of promotion. I bought a bunch of vouchers from the MATTA fair that came with a villa for us to stay (more on that later). With the promotion, it was RM20 for the green fee. But wait for it, RM90 for the buggy. Yikes! So it’s RM45 + RM20, and RM30 for the caddie, shared. So per person, on a week day, we paid RM80. Plus tips of RM15 per pax, it came up to about RM95 total.

I only paid RM40 with voucher for Tiara Melaka and the experience was about the same.

A-Famosa’s price is definitely not cheap, but is it worth it? We’ll see.

First thoughts

A Famosa is famous for another thing: Crocodiles. In Malay, it’s called ‘Buaya’. It’s also a slang in golf. To call someone a Buaya is to call him a Hustler. Golfers are a strange lot. There are some who gives the impression that they play worse than your grandmother, and then fishes you a few holes until you up the stake to take advantage of this grandmother, and he finishes you off from there. Buayas always leave it to subtlety…they will beat you by a stroke, or by making an impossible shot, but they will Always. Beat. You.

So anyways, those are the human buayas. A Famosa actually houses a bunch of crocodiles on Hole 7, Crocodile Nine. In fact, it became infamous when a story circulated around that one of the golfers was suing A Famosa after being attacked by a croc. As you can imagine, to all Crocodile Dundee Fans, this was a boon to us, so when I made my way there (not this time, my previous time) I expected to have alligator meat for dinner.

True there are crocs there, but they are all in a deep enclosure just beyond the green, and there was no one on earth a croc could escape unless it flew. Yet, according to the report here: http://www.mmail.com.my/content/30648-crocodile-attack-victim-im-happy-be-alive, this man was assaulted by one of the man eating crocodiles. I don’t know how it is possible, but as a golfer to a golfer, we are more than happy to take money from golf clubs…and RM43k can certainly buy you a lot of golf clubs and games! And it’s pretty obvious from the picture, that Hong (the victim) is still playing golf, judging by his clothes (he probably just finished a round) and by the unnatural darkness of our natural Chinese yellow skin.

Whether what really happened was true or not, I’ll need to commend Hong for the herculean feat of ‘prying’ the crocodile’s mouth open with his hands. I don’t think it’s a croc, because a Croc’s bite force is 83% of the bite force of a full grown Tyranasaurous Rex. If Hong can escape from 2 tons of bite force, he is Super-Man. But an Alligator is still half the bite force of a croc, at 2000 pounds-force, which is roughly 7 times the bite force of a full grown, crazy, rabid Rottweiler Hound. Hong is Cicak Man, definitely. He must be driving the ball 400 meters of something.

Anyway, congratulations to Hong for the win in court settlement…we’ll see if A Famosa suffered for losing RM40K by not maintaining their course.

Service ( 2/5)

The problem in many cases for Malaysian golf is simply this: Our service SUCK. There’s no two ways about it. First, finding the villa was crazy. We thought we need to register at the villa right? So we drove around looking for signs to lead us, and found none. We asked a guard, he said register at the clubhouse. We drive all the way back (in a convoy mind you), and the club house says, no, you go to the villa and register. I mean, who trains these guys?

Caddies? Sigh. I love Melaka, but their caddies in all the clubs are just crazy useless. First, we were forced to take two caddies per flight. TWO! WHY?? Why force us when we don’t want?? If they were good, we won’t mind. The tubby one we got was functional, but her reading was completely off. It was just ridiculously bad. After a few times, we gave up and just asked her to clean the clubs. The other caddy was even worse. She must think she was very desirable, because all she did was complain, about us getting her to go back and fetch clubs, or look for ball etc…the fact was she had looks of a mongoose and we were this close to clubbing her and dumping her body into a bunker.

Why do we pay for these hopeless caddies? Is it to recover back the RM40K that Hong won? Can you share the winnings, Hong?

Fairways ( 2/5)

For the price we paid, the fairways were not in a good shape. In some parts, especially the par 5 4th, the baldness of the fairway was very obvious and compared to Tiara Melaka, which had a mat like fairway that day, this was just an insult.  Justifiably, some fairways were still ok, but not good enough to get out of a pathetic 2/5divots.

Greens ( 3/5)

Our games in Melaka started at Tiara Melaka: Super fast greens. Then Orna: OK greens. A Famosa: SUPER SLOW. I don’t know why. I’d like to think it’s because of the morning dew. Or maybe we didn’t really eat breakfast, but throughout the game, it was just slow slow slow. It’s not a bad thing in itself, no, but the condition of the greens were also mediocre, so we’re giving it an ok rating here.

Rough ( 2/5)

The rough wasn’t really kept properly. An unnatural amount of leaves seemed to have descended upon the entire course, and especially the back nine we played on, was spent simply looking for balls that meandered just a little bit off line. Bunkers were the normal Malaysian style, hard packed bunkers…the ones you used either your PW or your LW to whack out, instead of your sand-wedge.

Aesthetics ( 4/5)

If there’s one thing that Hong didn’t take away from A-Famosa with the 40K, it’s the looks. Crocodile nine was unfortunately closed, so we ended up playing on the Rockies and also the Palm. We kicked it off at the Palm and immediately faced with the daunting task of water left, bunkers right. It’s a tough tee off for sure, and with the adjacent 9 hole green, flights teeing up on the other nine would be scrutinized closely at their tee off by busybody putters on the ninth. The palm course is actually very pretty. It’s a pity my game was not. After tripling the relatively easy 11th by losing my ball, I parred the elevated 12th hole and then descended into such darkness that I have never seen before. 13th, 14th and 15th went by in a blur as I dumped into water on the picturesque and challenging 13th, where a good drive requires a ballsy 2nd shot into a green fronted by water; I continued to mess up 14th when a pitch out went into the woods, and messed up the 15th with some amazingly retarded display of a golf swing. I didn’t really get to enjoy the scenery but the par 5 17th is worth a look. A good drive over the hill and you see a tempting elevated green just opening up for you to try it on. If you slice it, you’ll be out in the open road, you pull it, and the heavy rough and trees on the left will swallow it. Certainly an interesting hole.

The last hole in the palm course is a hooker’s nightmare, reminiscent of hole 1. The approach to the green narrows down like a constipated colon, with greenside bunkers waiting impatiently for you to deposit one in, left, right, back.

The Rockies Nine starts with a dangerous par 4. If you drive too long, it rolls down into a meandering drain that splits the fairway. But I don’t think it warrants an index 1 rating, it’s not too tough. I blasted a good one, right to the edge, and an 8 iron in to set up my par. The 2nd hole is a tough par 3, elevated to about 180 meters. The par 5 4th is the one you see from the north south highway, and it’s just long. It’s like the evil twin of the par 5 17th (in fact, both come to you at 524 meters!), and almost set up the same…a drive over the hill, and from there a good look down to a generous fairway and to an accessible green. It’s also a picturesque hole on the course, with nice villas next to it, no doubt collecting wild golf balls every day in their back yard.

The index 3 5th should be the index 1. It’s just an horrifying looking hole, similar to 1 and 9 on Palm, but with an even thinner slip of fairway. Here was where I was sunk, after playing only +1 over 7 holes, I dipped into the water enroute to a double.

The final hole is a fitting end, a drive over a pond and to a very steep uphill green. It’s a tough hole to end, but still a very satisfying golf course. Now if only we can get rid of the annoying caddies.

Fun Factor ( 4/5)

No matter the lousy service or retarded pricing, A Famosa is fun to play. The course set up isn’t extremely excruciating, and it has enough character in every hole to keep things interesting. The undulating fairways aren’t unfamiliar to us, having played Orna the day before, but it has enough elevation in different holes to keep things interesting.

The front nine on palm was nightmarish for me however, but I was just in awe at a good friend of mine who switched to an R11, and completely obliterated the crap out of his golf balls. As in, hole 15, 393 meters, UPHILL, across a pond. He blasted it, cut the pond and get this, the ball was 90 meters away from the green. My good drive still had 160 or so to go. The next hole, he created a hole in the space time continuum after ripping apart his golf ball to—honestly, I was checking the distance markers—the 200 marker, on the 520meter par 5. I mean, he knocked it past the huge ROCK. I don’t know, A Famosa members, it’s awful far. I’m getting that for Christmas. Not the rock. The driver.

I suppose due to the undulations, depending on where the ball lands, it can probably add another couple of tens of meters forward, but you still can’t take away a good drive. For some reason, he drove like a Maserati but putt-putt-putted on the green like a Proton. So overall, it all balanced out.

Myself, the streakiness continues. +13 over first 6 holes. +1 over the next 7. I am just playing horrible in my first 5 holes for the past few games. Then I would inexplicably streak off 3 or more pars in the row before descending into the world of crap golf again. Sigh.

Conclusion

A famosa, with 3 nice nines is definitely worth a go. Palm is slightly prettier in my opinion but hookers will struggle a little, as evidenced in my hooking game. Both nines are reasonably open, and the Crocodile has the novelty of playing with the crocs, I’m sure every golfer will want to have a go with that. Distance wise, it’s not too bad…if you’re thinking of going to that devil of a course Seremban 3 Paradise Valley, I’d advice to suck it up and spend a few more minutes on the highway to head over to A Famosa. The service and caddy (unfortunately a normality in Malaysia) is still as good as a POW camp, and the price is still an evidence of the complete misdirection of their management; but overall A Famosa is a reasonably good bet for enjoyable golf. Now, if only they would also pay me RM40K for writing a nice review for them.

The good: Nearest of all the Melaka courses to KL; located right next to the highway is a good point; nice food around Seremban on the way back (this suddenly came to mind and became a very important factor); the course setup is interesting enough; Crocodile novelty for those who have never putted next to a real croc before.

The bad: Pricing is not very attractive, especially when you force buggies and unattractive, lazy caddies onto the flight; the services, while not abysmal, isn’t what you would expect from a quality golf club; the course condition wasn’t spectacular either; nice aesthetics; crocodile can bite your leg. Unless you are the Cicak Man. Then it becomes a good thing.

The skinny: 22 of 40 divots (55.0%). A Famosa could have been a lot better in the gila ranks, as it is, they just scrape in as a Not Too Shabby course, with plenty of room for improvement. I’d say go for it, but if price isn’t your thing, might just want to head to Tiara Melaka.

A Famosa ScoreCard

A Famosa Information

Address:

Jalan Kemus, Simpang empat,

78000 Alor Gajah, Melaka, Malaysia

Contact: +606-552 0888

Fax: NA

Website: http://afamosa.com

Email: customerservice@afamosa.com

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Is Golf Back in the Stone Age?

Quite possibly.

Golf is undergoing an amazing transformation, or regression, from a game that many people are picking up and appealing to the newer generation back to the prissy gentlemen game with as much character as a piece of styrofoam ball. The ones you put in bean bags.

In fact, I don’t even know who won the stupid Fedex cup until just now when I googled it. 10 million. Apparently it went down the wire for Hunter Mahan, one of our Golf Boyz, but he choked (again) and a guy by the name of Bill Haas took the Fedex cup.

One. Big. Yawn.

I really hate to say it, and I might be the only one who feels this: but isn’t golf becoming more and more dreary to watch? Now, the world no 1 is Luke Donald. Nothing against that guy, but FOR SAKES, THIS GUY HAS NOT EVEN WON A FREAKING MAJOR!!! Vs a guy with 14 majors and like 97 professional wins? He even has a wiki dedicated to his wins.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_career_achievements_by_Tiger_Woods

Before anyone shoots me again for being a rabid Tiger fan, here’s the thing: I love the game. You can see it from the way I write; and though my scores continually suck, I continually play the game….and frankly, without Tiger in the mix, it is just a torture to watch golf tournaments. In fact, I prefer watching the LPGA these days.

So until the President’s cup (or the Australian tournament with Tiger in it), and until the stupid NBA sort itself out, we’re left with only Football (and for some the rugby world cup, which is as confusing to me as reading Sanskrit):

1) Liverpool’s resurgence

I am not a pure Liverpool fan…I am by default since I am a Juventus fan, and serie A games are shown less, or either very early in the morning (AC vs Juve at 2 am!!). Liverpool just beat Everton 2-0, but seriously, they were quite crap until Gerrard came in. Gerrard is like 3 million times better than the next best Liverpudlian, who is probably Suarez, or Kenny Dalglish when he plays. But somehow they are still winning, but doubt they can challenge the Manchester teams and Chelsea.

2) Juve is top of the table. This has not happened since the Romans crossed the Rubicon. Savor it Juventini!

3) Messi

Anyone watching football has to be crazy to not like this fler. He’s scoring goals like playstation and it’s totally amazing to watch him….and he’s tiny! The question people ask is what if he played in England, with defenders who prefer to hack him down than to watch? It’s a debate that Ronaldo is actually a better player because he can excel in any league, where as Messi is Messi because he’s in the Spanish League. Anyway, who cares. He’s crazy good.

4) Tevez

Is he that good that he’s worth all the hoopla around him? I prefer Kun Aguero. BTW, I’m always a bit amazed at how they allow him to have his nickname on the back of his shirt. He’s named Kun because he resembles the character Kum Kum, which was his favourite tv series as a kid. (They have Japanese Anime in Argentina!)

Um, which part? Black hair, black eyes? Or just because he has his hands behind his head?

Man, some days, I wish Tiger would just come back and give us something more to write.