The Masters Begin

It’s 5 a.m here and I’m up.

Despite the fact that workload has piled up and that I have to work over weekend. Despite the fact that my wife is away and I am handling my 10 month old son on my own for a week. Despite the fact that I am still recovering from watching the most hideous horror show the day before called Juventus vs Bayern Munich where my favourite team played like a bunch of lizards soaked in vodka.

Now it’s 5:30 and I just managed to get my little one to sleep after waking up for the 45th time tonight.

But this is Augusta.

Of all the 4 majors of golf, the first major is probably the most coveted, and the most watched major of all time.

There are several story lines here. Rory McIlroy came off number 2 last week at the texas open. Will he win? Don’t think so. Although his girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki looks hot in the all white caddy outfit during the par 3 contest. And she duffs it like us. So cute.

Tianlang Guan (I think that’s Guan Tian Lang)is hovering around the cut at +4 now although he started day 1 well, but he was penalised +1 for slow play by a guy called John Paramor. He’s a 14 year old from China with the possibility to make the cut, John. Now WTH would you penalise a 14 year old from China who could probably make history in modern major? I say modern, meaning there was a guy younger than Guan called Young (apparently there was an old) Tom Morris in 1865 who played in the Open who was younger. Back then, the average age of the field was 18 years old and the population of the world was around 1,239. The number of people Tom Morris competed with was 8, in addition to the resident porcupine. In Augusta, by far, this chinaboy is the youngest. Now, John Paramor can make the headlines by cutting history from the field with the spirit of golf rules, also called retarded anal, and borderline racist rule. We’ll see.

And Bubba Watson, the returning Augusta champion is now +5 and looking very likely to miss the cut. It’s the worst to miss the cut when you are a defending champion in Augusta because you have to stay for the next 2 days to wait for the ceremony where you put on the green jacket for the champion. So, you miss the cut, make $0, endure the humiliation of hanging around Augusta or walking with the gallery and with the knowledge that your hook shot last year to win was an absolute fluke, and getting ribbed by the real champions that your ass just got pwned by a 14 year old from China. Bubba’s already fragile mental state is going down the crap and he’ll end up like Michael Campbell and miss the next 87 cuts of his life. He cried during the pre tournament game, showing his absolute lack of control. After today’s game, apparently he curled up in the 18th hole bunker and bawled like a baby, until John Paramor had to assess him as Unfit for Champion penalty.

And finally there is Tiger. He just saved par on the treacherous 11th as I typed this and now approach the par 5 12th with a vengeance. He is tied for the lead. And unlike last year where he was prone to self destruction, he seems pretty in control and has two Aussies (Day and Leishman) and a octogenarian (Fred Couples) for company. If Tiger gets paired with Freddy on the 3rd day, look for him to move up. He plays well with Fred Couples because Fred Couples is so easy going, it looks like he’s about to stroll off for a smoke any minute. Tiger will absolutely kill the course on 3rd day and for the final day, he’ll make a few mistakes but end up winning. Trust me, Gilagolf sees it.