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Glenmarie – Where Idiots Roam

We never seem to have any good experience with Glenmarie. Which doesn’t make sense, because the course is reasonably nice (not great), and the distance is ok for most of us. It’s mainly to do with the service we get there. Maybe it’s just us. Maybe the others have a great time there, maybe its our faces, I don’t know. But everytime we are there, there seems to be always a personal nightmare of experience we have with them.

This time, they bumped us into the Garden because Valley was closed. Garden has a lot more people playing I think because it’s supposed to play easier.And I suppose therein lies the problem.

Hole 1: Par 4, and my driving streak continues. Utterly destroyed the drive and I only had 100m to an uphill green. I opted for a sandwedge but amazingly flew the green to the back. From there, my putt was poor and I couldn’t convert my five footer for par, settled for bogey (+1). It kinda looks like the same crap here – great driver, shitty putter.

Hole 2: Par 3 and I drew my pitching wedge into the bunker. Hit a great bunker out to around 6 – 8 feet. This time, I managed to coax my par putt in. SANDY par! (+1)

Hole 3: Blasted again my driver down the fairway and really, was looking at getting this Par 5 two on with my 5 wood. Instead, I hooked my five wood into the trees on the left. My third was a 60 degree flop shot which miraculously cleared the trees and landed as soft as you like on the green, rolling to around 10 feet of the hole. From there two putt for par. (+1)

Hole 4: Feeling it for sure, I took up a very poor driving position. I aimed far left to draw it back, instead, I sent the drive into orbit and into OB. It went long and straight, no chance of it coming back. Stupid. Second drive, hooked it to the previous fairway, and hit a good 8-iron to put on for four. Two putted double (+3)

Hole 5: Honestly didn’t hit that bad a shot, but my 8 iron hooked and landed on the rough behind the bunker. From there, the dreaded chip wasn’t too bad, but was too far to save par. Bogey (+4)

Hole 6: Like the previous drive, just sent this one right and long with no draw. Luckily this time, it survived, I punched out to 100m and from there, I honestly hit such a chicken shot with a 60 degree as I didn’t want to fly it to the back. Poor. I had to chip from the fringe, but I opted to putt and it wasn’t a very good putt. Left with 20 feet or so, settled for 2 putt bogey. (+5)

Hole 7: Unfortunately, there was where everything started to unravel. The idiots in front of us were taking a hell of their sweet time in their game. There were these four jokers, I don’t know if they were old or not, but they were slow as molasses going through a swamp of their own crap, and chained down on ankles with 1 ton dumbells. THEY WERE IDIOTS! They even had the gall to play twice – one guy missed a putt, and then re-did his putt again. Another time, one of these stooges, took the time to snap a photo. And worse – these jackasses would eat at the halfway hut and then when we reach the green, they would saunter to their stupid tee box. HELLO, STUPID PEOPLE. The front flight is already 3 bloody holes in front of you. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID AND WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD, TO BRING DOWN THE AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE OF HUMANKIND? It seems (and I am sure of it) that they are purposely doing this to just stuff a stick up our asses.

So, hole 7, we waited, waited and waited and finally I sent my drive way left with a duck hook – I haven’t seen that in probably 2 – 3 games of golf. It went down hill, no chance, so punched out to 100m and landed my 60 degree way short. It was a poor gamble, and from there, I chipped on but just missed to 4 – 5 footer again. I hate this bloody putter. Double. (+7)

Hole 8: Another hole, another wait, and same drive – hooked to the left. This time, we waited for our second SOOOO LONG that I could have taken a dump and graduated with majors from the nearby university while waiting for these a-holes to complete. Finally, after growing older, I stepped up to hit my second shot from the rough and completely duffed the shit out of it. I wished it was the heads of these 4 Glenmarie Jackasses I duffed instead. From there, 3rd shot flew to the back of the green and putted near and managed to finish with a bogey. Barely. (+8)

Hole 9: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. Finally, same drive – HOOKED. This time it was left to the left rough and I managed to chunked my pitching wedge to the dreaded position – rough, behind greenside bunker. I executed what resembled a flop, if it was executed by an ape using a radish as his club, hitting a piece of cowshit. It skittered over to the other side of the green, where I putted poorly and just killed myself with another two putts to finally end the 9 hole with a double bogey. (+10)

At this point, I asked if Glenmarie had any marshals and if they were actually doing their job in getting those 4 idiots in front of us to either hurry up or proceed to jump into the lake and do the world a favor by ridding themselves from this planet. The started on the back nine looked at us as if he was smoking weed and muttered, “Sudah, I sudah beritahu” (I already told them), while sitting inside his hut. Wait. You are a starter, where is the idiot marshal? Aren’t they paid to actually work? Apparently not, because there was NO. BLOODY. DIFFERENCE. IN. THEIR. SPEED.

At this point, I engaged into a philosophical and theological discussion with my buggy mate – which started with me stating I should forgive these a-holes and promptly stating afterwards: “No, Forgiveness is between them and God. I just really want to arrange the meeting for them with God.” It’s a line from Creasy, in the all-time classic, Man On Fire. So anyway, buggy mate and I decided to do some religious mind games and stating, “Change what can change, and how we react to things we cannot change.” Ommmmm. And yes, our game changed. For the better.

Hole 10: Five iron with water at 220. I hit it so flush, I nearly ended up in the water. With 140 or so, I opted to play defensive and hit a pitching wedge. I whiffed it a bit and landed short. My chip from deep rough was no where good, and from there, three putted, with a miss of 3 feet for my double bogey. Ouch. (+12)

Hole 11: Par 5, hit one into the right rough (finally hit a good drive at least a straight one). Laid up to 130m and then sent my pitching wedge over the green. And for the first time today, executed just the perfect chip that nearly holed. PAR! (+12)

Hole 12: Pitching wedge uphill par 3. Perfect shot that nestled to the back fringe and two putted from there for second par. (+12). My buggy mate nailed a 60 foot putt traversing through a few mountains. Seems like our theological discourse is working. We are not letting the 4 monkeys in front of us ruin our golf game.

Hole 13: Toughest par 4, which I hit a so-so drive that drew to the left. From there, around 150m, a nine iron was too little and front. I played too defensive here. Chip on wasn’t great and two putted for bogey. (+13)

Hole 14: This drive also had a bit of hook and was in a tough spot on the left. Hit a good nine iron out of the deep rough and landed the back of the green. Executed an ok chip but left me with around 15 feet of putt – which finally I sank. PAR. (+13)

Hole 15:Par 4, a very tough one for hookers like me as it is dogleg right, trouble on left. I started way right but even then, I ended up in the left rough, no view of green. Punched out, 60 degree 3rd shot landed pin high but with too much green to run and two putted for bogey. Not bad. (+14)

Hole 16: Par 5, and I just bombed the drive. I was so far down the fairway, I contemplated hitting 5 wood to put two on. So yes, waited and waited and finally the 4 idiots left, and my 5 wood was promptly pushed into the jungle on the right. Managed to find it and it was deep in the trees. Had to chop out for my third and my fourth shot was just a hopeless one embedded deep in the rough greenside. Somehow, I dug it out and ended up around 8 feet from the hole. Sank it for the craziest, recovery par I’ve made in a long time. (+14)

Hole 17: Downhill par 3, with 150m. Again, I was just too defensive, opting for a pitching wedge that had no hope to reach the green. However, from the greenside fairway, I putted and had around 10 feet to navigate for par – which I did. Recovery par again! (+14)

Hole 18: At this point, my back nine was just an amazing turnaround. After +10 on front nine, I was +4 through 8 holes on back nine. And for the final hole, I completely obliterated the drive and really, had around 140m left to an uphill green. Instead of my nine iron, I opted once more for defensive pitching wedge. Like Hole 17, no chance to reach and again, found myself in deep rough. I thought, ok, easy, I do this for a living.

Duffed. Final chip duffed.

3 on but far from green, I totally mishit my putt and it screwed right and left me around 8 feet still for bogey. Missed. Bollocks.

It sucks to say it, but I ended both nines with just spectacularly poor short games and double bogeys. (+16)

Conclusion: A score of 88 isn’t great because it should have been a hell lot better if my putter could work – or at least, if we played with momentum, i.e not having to wait for idiots in front. We teed off around 8.30 and we got off the course almost 2 pm. 5 and a half hours of our lives lost because of 4 marsupials in front of us who refuses to acknowledge the etiquette of golf and Glenmarie marshal service that is non existent.  I had a good first start, a poor middle and a good finish (except for that double bogey at the end). 5 and half hours – Glenmarie, please, for crying out loud, hire a course marshal who can do his job!!

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Rahman Putra Lakes – That Sinking Feeling

I used to wonder sometimes, that if I drove the ball well the whole day, I could probably be playing at single handicap, seeing how often my drives tend to land me in danger, and I always complain that I am playing recovery golf most of the time. If I drove it straight, I would probably be hitting greens in regulation all the time.

Well, at least that theory is put to rest as total crapshit. Played in Rahman Putra Lakes today and yes, driving was probably the best I’ve had in a long time, but scorewise? Single Handicap my foot.

Hole 10: We teed off at the demanding par 5 Hole 10. This is actually a short Par 5 if you can navigate the tee off, which has trouble on left and right. I striped my first drive, perfect draw down the fairway. My second shot with a 5 wood was well hit as well but it did not draw and hung out to the right. It landed behind the greenside bunker, so I had to do one of those flops to get it onto the green. Two Putt, par. (+0)

Hole 11: Unfortunately the lovin’ feeling didn’t last. I stubbed my 5 wood off the tee, and then did a bad layup with my sand wedge, leaving me with another 160 to go on this difficult par 4. My third with a hybrid was pulled left, near the trees around the greenside bunker. Another flop, but this time, over cooked it, and landed on the fringe. Two putt for double bogey. (+2)

Hole 12: I again stubbed my 6 iron. I was too quick on the transition from top to down, and my ball landed on the sarlac bunker in front of this par 3 green. I got out barely and my third shot chip was very poor, skittering just to the fringe. 2 putted from there for another double bogey (+4).

Hole 13: At this point, I was pretty much fuming at my inadequacy. My drive here drew too far left, and unluckily landed just behind the tree, blocking my view of the flag. I had to play left and landed in the greenside bunker. I did a good out from there and was around 6 feet or so downhill for a par. Because I was betting, and had a possible fringe (sandy par) I rammed my putt too quick and I had the same distance coming back up for bogey. I missed, and here we go, another double (+6)

Hole 14: Luck was hopelessly not on my side. For this hole, playing lower green, I hit what I thought was a perfect draw, starting right to left and coming into the fairway. It bounced once and amazingly, hit the last small tree there, preventing it from trickling into the fairway which I would have only a pitching wedge into the hole. Instead, I had to conjure another hook/draw at the base of this stupid tree, and almost pulled it off. Again, it was drawing back right to left to the green when amazingly, it hit the tree trunk of another lone tree and ricochet into the BUNKER of the top-tier green. And amazingly, right at the edge of the bunker between the sand and grass, so I had absolutely zero way to hit it. I skulled my third shot out onto the rough, and finally got a four on and two putted for double bogey. (+8). If someone now tells me there is no such thing as bad luck, I am going to ram my 7 iron down their throat.

Hole 15: This should be an easy par 3. I always use either a sandwedge or gap for this hole, but playing at the back today, and with headwind, I mistakenly thought the blue flag was further. I used an 8-iron, which is of course, waaay too much club. I flew the green almost to the road at the back. My flop wasn’t great as it just went a few feet in front. Another chip got me on for 3 on and two putted for my 5th straight double bogey. I was now 4 down on my match with my flight mate. (+10) And with 3 of the toughest holes ahead.

The next three holes are often called many names, most of it derivatives of bad words in all languages you can imagine. We call it the Amen Corner, though technically, not a corner, but just three monstrousities that exist solely to destroy the self esteem of aspiring golfers.

Hole 16: This is a mega tough par 4 requiring an absolutely perfect drive. You go left you are dead, right, you will be having a tough shot. I hit the perfect drive for the hole, starting right, drawing back left, catching the downhill and trudging down ALMOST to the pond. I had a pitching wedge in hand into this green. It was too short and landed in the middle, and my first putt was poor. Three putted my first green in regulation since hole 10, for bogey (+11)

Hole 17: Toughest hole on the course for many. This requires a carry to cross the lake and second to carry another lake. My first drive was boomed and left me around 170 or so to the uphill green. I used my hybrid which I mishit and hooked it to the left, near the greenside bunker. A mediocre chip got me on the green but too far away for par, so another bogey (+12)

Hole 18: Tough par 5 which need second shot to carry  another lake. Luck this time was with me, as my draw was too far right, and actually went through a bunch of trees miraculously and drew back into the fairway for a perfect drive. From there, 5 wood took me to around 90m and then a sand wedge dropped me within birdie range, of 6 feet. I missed it unfortunately and settled for par. (+12)

So after 5 consecutive double bogeys, I played the last 3 holes +2. I could have played a lot better, but those 3 drives were probably the best drives I’ve hit on these holes like in forever. But yet, couldn’t capitalise.

Hole 1: I boomed my drive again, I was feeling it. I actually even had the gall to pick my tee and walk away before the drive landed. It started right at the lake but was drawing back into the fairway. Embarrassingly, it drew and hit the rough, but because of it’s trajectory, it bounced back up to the right, and trickled into the pond! WTF! Dropped, hit the green in 3 and conjured a 3 putt again to put me back on double bogey. (+14)

Hole 2: Solid par 3, toughest in the course, I actually hit a pretty good 6 iron but drew it too much and it landed in the bunker. An easy out and barely missed my sandy par from 8 feet. Bogey (+15)

Hole 3: This should be an easy par 5, but I hit probably my worst drive of the day. It pulled and went down the hill for OB. My second drive was good and rolled down the fairway. My 5 wood from there hit ONE branch from the tree and plopped down the fairway. I had a 120m 5th shot, which found the fringe and two putted from there for another double bogey. (+17)

Hole 4: Hit this drive perfect, with a slight draw right to left. I now had a pitching wedge into a relatively easy hole location, which I duffed a bit and landed only to the front. A retarded chip got me on, but two putted for a bogey (+18)

Hole 5: I thought I hit my 7-iron perfect but for some strange reason, didn’t manage to reach this 150m green par 3. Still it was puttable, but instead of putting it close, I overcooked my putt and miss my par putt again. Bogey. (+19)

Hole 6: This drive was absolutely smoked like bacon. A slight draw kept it out of the right trouble, and it just caught the hill and rolled down to leave me around 100m to the downhill green. I thought sandwedge was good here, but amazingly, it was overcooked and landed at the back of the green! I hit another shot with my 60-degree (yes, it isn’t ethical but no one was behind us and I was fuming) and literally landed around 2 feet of this stupid hole. This plays almost a club and half shorter due to the downhill green. From the back of the green – three putted once more and bogey. (+20)

Hole 7: SMOKED the drive. Again. I felt like this driver was the hammer of Thor today. It was absolutely killing the ball. This drive now left me with around 140m to the green. I thought 9 iron would be plenty of club to reach but mind bogglingly, I ended up short, just barely hitting the front of the green, with a loooong putt to the back flag. Once more, three putted and bogey. (+21)

Hole 8: My drive, though not perfect was still plenty long. It just drew too much and left me with a difficult 2nd shot that needed to hook. I didn’t hit a good hook with my hybrid and was left with a 10m chip to an extremely undulating green. Hit the perfect chip. It bounced once against the front fringe, that took the zip off, and landed so soft onto the green that it almost went in. Instead I was left with a 3 foot putt uphill which even a borneo monkey with an iguana up his a$$ would not miss. Except I did. I rammed it too hard, it hit the side and spun my ball out and left me looking like the biggest idiot in the entire world. This putter is going back to the closet for another year. (+22)

Hole 9: Pretty much given up on my putting, I hit my 5 wood so well on this final hole that it was only about a metre or so from entering into the water. From there, a six iron left me with a great approach of around 90m to the severely uphill green. My gap wedge was pulled a bit unfortunately and left me with another testy chip similar to the previous hole. And once more, hit it perfect, and left me around 3 feet again for an unlikely par. Finally, did par the damn hole. (+22)

So – Started with a par, ended with a par. Between these, consecutive double bogeys, the best I’ve played the three Amen corner holes, and a whole load of perfect drives and truly spectaculary shitty putting. If the putter went to work the same day as the driver, I could probably knock off 4 – 5 strokes today. But it is what it is, and so – no matter how well you drive, it ain’t worth sh*t unless you arrive.

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Scoring at KGNS

Despite being a member of KGNS, the number of times I play there over one year can probably be counted with one hand. It’s such a waste of money each month, and furthermore, now both KGNS and Rahman Putra has put in the F&B fee of RM150 for all members. This means each quarter we need to spend RM150 or else it just gets deducted automatically from our membership fee! So this forces us to eat in the club – both clubs thankfully has passable (not terrible) food so it’s just a matter of playing there once in a while.

Wednesday is maintenance day for the championship course back 9, so for this game, we teed up front nine KGNS agong Course and cross over to the back 9 of the Mickey mouse putra course.

Hole 1: Par 5, relatively straightforward. A good drive, but my second shot with hybrid hooked and was lucky to be alive (not OB). Third shot from the trees with a pitching landed me to the front. Over powered my chip but thankfully hit the flag and trickled to around 6 feet for par. Missed, started with bogey. (+1)

Hole 2: Index hole that needs a great drive. I did not do a great drive and got caught in the trees on the right. I kept my 5 iron shot low and luckily avoided the trees to around 10 feet from the green. I nearly chipped in again to a few inches and tapped in for a Par. (+1)

Hole 3: This is again a straightforward par 4. Hit a very good drive right down the middle, and landed a bit on the rough. With a SAND WEDGE in hand to 100m, I SHANKED the beejeezus out of the ball! Muttering and now on the Hole 2 fairway, I hit my sand wedge to the green and two putted for an utterly unnecessary bogey. (+2)

Hole 4: Par 3, quite a long one. Hit a 5-iron but curled into greenside bunker. Blasted quite a good shot out to around 6 feet, but missed the par by inches. Bogey. (+3)

Hole 5: Supposedly the difficult par 4 with trouble on left water. I stripped my driver down the left and in a good position to get this on the green from about 140m. I opted to chicken out my approach with a pitching wedge and predictably fell short. A mediocre chip found me around 6 feet again from the hole and like the previous one, missed again. Bogey. (+4)

Hole 6: This is a short par 5, but an uphill walk (we were walking today) didn’t do us good. My drive was a bit right, and I hit a good 5 wood — but did not realise there was a fairway bunker smack in the middle of the fairway. So my third shot from bunker out to around 10 feet of the green, and I opted to chip, which wasn’t good and I missed my par, again. (+5)

Hole 7: Another long par 3, which my 5 iron didn’t even reach. It landed at the treacherous spot behind the green bunker which I had to flop over. I didn’t execute great but got lucky as my skulled ball hit the slope and ended up around 10 feet ofthe hole. Missed my par, settled for bogey. (+6)

Hole 8: Straightforward par 4 which I simply murdered the ball. Pitching wedge in hand, again I landed short. I noticed cow grass, my distance suffers. WHY? Chipping was a bit too strong and had around 10 feet again for par, and yes, you got it. I missed again (+7).

Hole 9: The ending hole is a nice par 4 which requires a good drive – which I did not oblige. My ball wound up right, around 10 yards from entering the water. I punched out and from fairway, hit a weak pitching wedge to the front of the green. Chipping? You bet. This time, I hit it ok and had a downhill putt of around 6 – 8 feet. Did I miss my bogey? No, sank in and ended up with (+8) on the front nine. Not bad.

The game could have gotten better if I was just confident with my putting (which I wasn’t). So switch over to the Mickey Mouse course and see what happens.

Hole 10: Almost immediately as a welcome, I pummelled my drive right down the fairway and only had about 70 meters or so left. I controlled my 60 degree to pin high, and only had to navigate 6 – 8 feet for a birdie. I didn’t play enough break and it lipped out. AUGH! Worse par I ever had (+8)

Hole 11: Short par 3, and using my pitching wedge got on the green and routine two putt for par (+8)

Hole 12: Beautiful par 5 with an elevated tee box. Hit a reasonable drive to the left and positioned for my third shot, from around 60 meters. Used again my 60 degrees but this time overcook slightly and had around 15 feet to get birdie. Missed again, so another par (+8).

Hole 13: Par 3 over water and once more pitching wedge found me on for regulation. However, because my partner OB’ed, I had to charge for my birdie putt to beat the other team. I flew it by around 5 feet and didn’t hit a good comeback – 3 putted for my bogey. (+9)

Hole 14: This is actually quite simple to navigate if you can hit fade shots. As such, I decided to use a 6-iron and actually landed pretty good distance, around 130m from the green. Once more my pitching wedge fell short. But I hit a good chip and just had around 6 feet downhill to maneuver for a par. This time, my partner had par also, so I decided to charge to get fringes, but missed the hole and ended up almost the same distance uphill as I started. Missed my comeback for bogey. Double bogey  and another 3 putt (+11)

Hole 15: This is a really taxing par 4 especially if you are walking and lugging your bag. I hit a bad drive that hooked left, hit a tree. I chopped out to around 120m from green and hit a great pitching wedge – pin high, around 10 feet to save par. I didn’t so another bogey. (+12)

Hole 16: The par 5 everyone wants to challenge. I overcranked my drive and turned it left into the woods. I hit a punch out and left with around 130 to the green. Again, I am stubbornly using my pitching for these shots even if knew it would be short. It WAS short but at least on the green. However, I had probably 30 – 40 feet to maneuver and yes, I ended up 3 putting the damn green for a bogey. (+13)

Hole 17: The most difficult par 3 – with around 190m, head wind and uphill. Even with my 5 wood, I barely crawled onto the fringe of the green. I putted to around 4 feet and sank it in for my par at last (+13)

Hole 18: The last hole, I just whacked what I thought was my best drive of the day. Right to left, following the dogleg all the way home. However, it clipped the last few branches of the tree on the left, and in turn left me with an awkward 5 iron punch out. This ended up in the greenside bunker. A reasonable out and two putted to end the game with a bogey. (+14)

This was par 71 course, which I ended up shooting a reasonable 85, which could have been a whole lot less if I had focused. So far, the drive was great, the chipping is improving and overall course management and iron shots have significantly improved. 85 isn’t bad, but of course, they don’t call it mickey mouse course for nothing!