Glenmarie – Where Idiots Roam

We never seem to have any good experience with Glenmarie. Which doesn’t make sense, because the course is reasonably nice (not great), and the distance is ok for most of us. It’s mainly to do with the service we get there. Maybe it’s just us. Maybe the others have a great time there, maybe its our faces, I don’t know. But everytime we are there, there seems to be always a personal nightmare of experience we have with them.

This time, they bumped us into the Garden because Valley was closed. Garden has a lot more people playing I think because it’s supposed to play easier.And I suppose therein lies the problem.

Hole 1: Par 4, and my driving streak continues. Utterly destroyed the drive and I only had 100m to an uphill green. I opted for a sandwedge but amazingly flew the green to the back. From there, my putt was poor and I couldn’t convert my five footer for par, settled for bogey (+1). It kinda looks like the same crap here – great driver, shitty putter.

Hole 2: Par 3 and I drew my pitching wedge into the bunker. Hit a great bunker out to around 6 – 8 feet. This time, I managed to coax my par putt in. SANDY par! (+1)

Hole 3: Blasted again my driver down the fairway and really, was looking at getting this Par 5 two on with my 5 wood. Instead, I hooked my five wood into the trees on the left. My third was a 60 degree flop shot which miraculously cleared the trees and landed as soft as you like on the green, rolling to around 10 feet of the hole. From there two putt for par. (+1)

Hole 4: Feeling it for sure, I took up a very poor driving position. I aimed far left to draw it back, instead, I sent the drive into orbit and into OB. It went long and straight, no chance of it coming back. Stupid. Second drive, hooked it to the previous fairway, and hit a good 8-iron to put on for four. Two putted double (+3)

Hole 5: Honestly didn’t hit that bad a shot, but my 8 iron hooked and landed on the rough behind the bunker. From there, the dreaded chip wasn’t too bad, but was too far to save par. Bogey (+4)

Hole 6: Like the previous drive, just sent this one right and long with no draw. Luckily this time, it survived, I punched out to 100m and from there, I honestly hit such a chicken shot with a 60 degree as I didn’t want to fly it to the back. Poor. I had to chip from the fringe, but I opted to putt and it wasn’t a very good putt. Left with 20 feet or so, settled for 2 putt bogey. (+5)

Hole 7: Unfortunately, there was where everything started to unravel. The idiots in front of us were taking a hell of their sweet time in their game. There were these four jokers, I don’t know if they were old or not, but they were slow as molasses going through a swamp of their own crap, and chained down on ankles with 1 ton dumbells. THEY WERE IDIOTS! They even had the gall to play twice – one guy missed a putt, and then re-did his putt again. Another time, one of these stooges, took the time to snap a photo. And worse – these jackasses would eat at the halfway hut and then when we reach the green, they would saunter to their stupid tee box. HELLO, STUPID PEOPLE. The front flight is already 3 bloody holes in front of you. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID AND WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD, TO BRING DOWN THE AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE OF HUMANKIND? It seems (and I am sure of it) that they are purposely doing this to just stuff a stick up our asses.

So, hole 7, we waited, waited and waited and finally I sent my drive way left with a duck hook – I haven’t seen that in probably 2 – 3 games of golf. It went down hill, no chance, so punched out to 100m and landed my 60 degree way short. It was a poor gamble, and from there, I chipped on but just missed to 4 – 5 footer again. I hate this bloody putter. Double. (+7)

Hole 8: Another hole, another wait, and same drive – hooked to the left. This time, we waited for our second SOOOO LONG that I could have taken a dump and graduated with majors from the nearby university while waiting for these a-holes to complete. Finally, after growing older, I stepped up to hit my second shot from the rough and completely duffed the shit out of it. I wished it was the heads of these 4 Glenmarie Jackasses I duffed instead. From there, 3rd shot flew to the back of the green and putted near and managed to finish with a bogey. Barely. (+8)

Hole 9: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. Finally, same drive – HOOKED. This time it was left to the left rough and I managed to chunked my pitching wedge to the dreaded position – rough, behind greenside bunker. I executed what resembled a flop, if it was executed by an ape using a radish as his club, hitting a piece of cowshit. It skittered over to the other side of the green, where I putted poorly and just killed myself with another two putts to finally end the 9 hole with a double bogey. (+10)

At this point, I asked if Glenmarie had any marshals and if they were actually doing their job in getting those 4 idiots in front of us to either hurry up or proceed to jump into the lake and do the world a favor by ridding themselves from this planet. The started on the back nine looked at us as if he was smoking weed and muttered, “Sudah, I sudah beritahu” (I already told them), while sitting inside his hut. Wait. You are a starter, where is the idiot marshal? Aren’t they paid to actually work? Apparently not, because there was NO. BLOODY. DIFFERENCE. IN. THEIR. SPEED.

At this point, I engaged into a philosophical and theological discussion with my buggy mate – which started with me stating I should forgive these a-holes and promptly stating afterwards: “No, Forgiveness is between them and God. I just really want to arrange the meeting for them with God.” It’s a line from Creasy, in the all-time classic, Man On Fire. So anyway, buggy mate and I decided to do some religious mind games and stating, “Change what can change, and how we react to things we cannot change.” Ommmmm. And yes, our game changed. For the better.

Hole 10: Five iron with water at 220. I hit it so flush, I nearly ended up in the water. With 140 or so, I opted to play defensive and hit a pitching wedge. I whiffed it a bit and landed short. My chip from deep rough was no where good, and from there, three putted, with a miss of 3 feet for my double bogey. Ouch. (+12)

Hole 11: Par 5, hit one into the right rough (finally hit a good drive at least a straight one). Laid up to 130m and then sent my pitching wedge over the green. And for the first time today, executed just the perfect chip that nearly holed. PAR! (+12)

Hole 12: Pitching wedge uphill par 3. Perfect shot that nestled to the back fringe and two putted from there for second par. (+12). My buggy mate nailed a 60 foot putt traversing through a few mountains. Seems like our theological discourse is working. We are not letting the 4 monkeys in front of us ruin our golf game.

Hole 13: Toughest par 4, which I hit a so-so drive that drew to the left. From there, around 150m, a nine iron was too little and front. I played too defensive here. Chip on wasn’t great and two putted for bogey. (+13)

Hole 14: This drive also had a bit of hook and was in a tough spot on the left. Hit a good nine iron out of the deep rough and landed the back of the green. Executed an ok chip but left me with around 15 feet of putt – which finally I sank. PAR. (+13)

Hole 15:Par 4, a very tough one for hookers like me as it is dogleg right, trouble on left. I started way right but even then, I ended up in the left rough, no view of green. Punched out, 60 degree 3rd shot landed pin high but with too much green to run and two putted for bogey. Not bad. (+14)

Hole 16: Par 5, and I just bombed the drive. I was so far down the fairway, I contemplated hitting 5 wood to put two on. So yes, waited and waited and finally the 4 idiots left, and my 5 wood was promptly pushed into the jungle on the right. Managed to find it and it was deep in the trees. Had to chop out for my third and my fourth shot was just a hopeless one embedded deep in the rough greenside. Somehow, I dug it out and ended up around 8 feet from the hole. Sank it for the craziest, recovery par I’ve made in a long time. (+14)

Hole 17: Downhill par 3, with 150m. Again, I was just too defensive, opting for a pitching wedge that had no hope to reach the green. However, from the greenside fairway, I putted and had around 10 feet to navigate for par – which I did. Recovery par again! (+14)

Hole 18: At this point, my back nine was just an amazing turnaround. After +10 on front nine, I was +4 through 8 holes on back nine. And for the final hole, I completely obliterated the drive and really, had around 140m left to an uphill green. Instead of my nine iron, I opted once more for defensive pitching wedge. Like Hole 17, no chance to reach and again, found myself in deep rough. I thought, ok, easy, I do this for a living.

Duffed. Final chip duffed.

3 on but far from green, I totally mishit my putt and it screwed right and left me around 8 feet still for bogey. Missed. Bollocks.

It sucks to say it, but I ended both nines with just spectacularly poor short games and double bogeys. (+16)

Conclusion: A score of 88 isn’t great because it should have been a hell lot better if my putter could work – or at least, if we played with momentum, i.e not having to wait for idiots in front. We teed off around 8.30 and we got off the course almost 2 pm. 5 and a half hours of our lives lost because of 4 marsupials in front of us who refuses to acknowledge the etiquette of golf and Glenmarie marshal service that is non existent.  I had a good first start, a poor middle and a good finish (except for that double bogey at the end). 5 and half hours – Glenmarie, please, for crying out loud, hire a course marshal who can do his job!!

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