Her – Scarlett Johansson

Her - Image

If you were to find yourself with a free afternoon, and with a thunderstorm pouring down (after all, if you had a free afternoon, why aren’t you playing golf?), you might want to take some time to watch one of the best movies I’ve watched in a long time. “Her” – that’s the simple title, and it talks about this nerd who falls in love with his operating system. I know, this is so weird in so many levels. But it’s not that new, the concept. A few years back, a movie called S1mone explored the relationship between human and virtual reality, in this case a virtual girl. Of course, this year we had Transcendence, the Johnny Depp turd bath which nobody understood at all, and frankly goes to show Johnny Depp is only good as a pondan pirate.

Of course, my obsession with operating system AI awareness goes back a long way, back to my favourite movie, “Electric Dreams” which I watched in PJ Civic Centre back when I was probably around 6 years old or something. Although it wasn’t really a super good show like Space Odyssey’s HAL, it first gave me the idea on how a computer can actually have a relationship with humans. I guess, Electric Dreams made me take up Computer Science very much into the future and here I am, still geeking out over movies where human computer interaction goes overboard.

Anyway, back to Her, this is a spin to the old tale. In fact, many Electric Dreams geeks like me had wondered if this movie was a sort of update to the old classic. I won’t go into the details of the movie, but I would highly recommend to watch it. The main guy is this fler played by Joaikim Phoenix. I know I am spelling his first name wrong, but it’s darn hard and I am too lazy to look it up. Anyway, Electric Dreams is about a guy who had this computer (male), who helped him get the girl he wanted, but the computer then became jealous. It’s a love triangle. Now, this is different. In Her, it’s just Joaikim Phoenix character, who feels lonely and buys an OS (operating system), who is so darn smart, she names herself Samantha, and has the craziest, most lunatically lusty voice ever – obviously done by Scarlett Johansson. I swear, if my TV starts talking like Scarlett Johansson, I would also fall in love it her. It. Whatever. Don’t tell my wife. I mean seriously, Scarlett Johansson? Yowzah.

So this main character and Scarlett Johansson OS falls in love and the movie goes through the whole relationship. What I liked about it is that there didn’t seem to be a set up for drama (like computer turning into a serial killer etc), it just meanders along and allows the characters to go through what we all are familiar with–relationship problem.

At one point in the movie, the Phoenix guy, Ted, after suffering through an Avatar issue (where the Scarlett OS wanted to have ‘sex’ with Ted, through an Avatar, i.e an actual person played by, I guess, a prostitute), and Ted dismisses this Avatar and they argue: Scarlett OS sighs, and Ted asks, “Why do you do that? It’s not as if you have lungs and you need to breathe”…Scarlett OS tries to explain it’s just her way of expressing, and Ted continues to berate her, saying there’s no need for her to take a breath since she’s not human etc — don’t mess with a woman, and tell her what she is NOT, and her limitations, you stupid moron! And she just went like, “What the f-ck? Where is this coming from?”

At that point, it recalled back some unpleasant (and probably hugely influential) memories of my phone conversations in my younger days, when I wasn’t married and was having BGR (boy girl relationship) issues. I mean, heck we all go through it. And sometimes, when talking on the phone for hours, trying to explain stuff, it sounded like the one on this movie, where you say the wrong thing, and the girl just goes berserk on you. I mean, the whole show, is like this guy having a phone conversation with his girlfriend…except he’s talking to his OS, who is with him constantly. It exactly mirrors the times when I would be at home, and called up the girl, and we would NOT talk, but just go doing our things and once in a while, say, “Are you still there? What you up to?”. Or when she would say, “You sound busy, do you want me to go?” and you know if you said Yes, because I want to play my computer game, dammit, woman!, It would be the END of ALL THINGS AS YOU KNOW IT, so you say, “Oh no, dear of course not! I like to hear you breathing”.

Ah, good days.

Anyway, this movie is slow, plodding at times, but for those who love human computer interaction movies, this pushes the boundary. For those who ever had those phone calls, or break ups over the phone before, this will bring back those painful (though now, it’s kinda funny) memories of youth.

Now, one more shot on the voice behind the OS. So. Hot.

What so Great about Golf Anyway?

I was talking to an acquaintance recently and he was selling some stuff, which included his golf bag and clubs. As we were talking, he suddenly blurted out, “What so great about Golf anyway? Sorry, (he apologises to me, knowing I Gilagolf) but I find the game so stupid and boring, where you hit the ball, chase it and hit the ball and chase it”

Knowing that he’s a guy that liked cooking (and spending God knows how many hours cooking some french stuff then posting it on Facebook), I said philosophically, “It’s like cooking. I find it boring as well, because I suck at it.” Implying because he sucked so bad at golf, he immediately dismisses it as a stupid game. It’s like the fox that can’t get the grapes and he mutters that the grapes are sour anyway (I guess there’s where the term sour grapes come from?). I didn’t mean it as an insult, just a very easy way to say, “People don’t understand stuff because they are either crap at it, or they don’t bother to expend effort in it, and therefore dismisses it.”

Of course, he immediately retorts back that without food I won’t be alive, to which I responded, whoever cooks, someone must eat, so I am the guy that eats it. Besides, I don’t like those frenchy food anyway where the plate is like 15x bigger than the actual food. Give me chow kueh teow, dammit! Here’s what I learnt: it’s useless saying to a self proclaimed chef (and we have many these days) that cooking is a waste of time, like how you tell a self proclaimed ‘golfer’, golf is a waste of time. To me, any food that requires more effort to make than to eat is worthless. It’s like the popiah theory. You spend so long making the damn popiah, and you just finish it in one bite. Or the crab/prawn theory. You spend so long peeling the skin of the prawn or hammering the claw of the crab just to get the little meat…sheesh, it’s just not worth it! Cost benefit analysis, people!

Anyway, back to Golf. Why do Golfers like it anyway? I guess, like many sports, it fulfills our 4 happy chemicals:

1) Dopamine

Dopamine  is the human chemical responsible for releasing good feelings of satisfaction, achievement, and completion. The word dope comes from this. Basically, this is what we get when we score a birdie. Or hit a perfect drive. Or flush a six iron to 1 feet from the hole. Or hole a bunker. Sheesh, I can think of a million ways Dopamine gets released on the golf course. In fact, every anti-dopamine act (a duck hook, a top ball, a shot into the bunker), gives an opportunity for the dopamine act to occur. That’s why we end up ‘chasing’ the high. Even when we hit a crap shot, we ALWAYS think we are going to hit that 3-wood 250 meters curve past the trees onto the green. DOPE, MAN!

2) Serotonin

Serotonin is the pride we get at the end. When we collect our $$ from our friends. When they concede you are the better golfer. When they say, jeez, that’s a freaking long drive bro. Or even, when you whip out your driver and someone comments, holy crap, that’s a long shaft and a big head. Sometimes, the words we use on golf courses are just waiting for an innuendo. That’s why some people play better when they bet. Or ok, all of us play better. Because there’s a reward. There’s a trophy. There’s a beat down. There’s bragging rights.

3) Endorphins

Endorphins is the high we feel when we need to mask the pain. It’s the ‘pleasure’ chemical. Golfers get this, that’s why we don’t feel that our wrist is hurt, or our backs are aching, or our legs are gone. We just play (except for those idiotic golfers that complain about their physical impairment all the time to pyscho you)…to be honest, even if someone was feeling pain, when he steps up to the tee and envision all the orgasmic dopamine and serotonin he’s going to get by blasting the ball straight down the fairway – endorphins kick in and bye bye pain.

4) Oxytocin

The final part to the puzzle. Golf is the most relationship based sport ever. For 4 hours, 4 people end up together and they become best friends. Oxytocin is the feeling of camaraderie, friendship, of ‘belong’. Through golf, trust is automatically created. Experiences are shared. The lunch after the game is filled with memories and laughter. We know these guys will be there for us no matter what. That’s why when you play with an a**hole, you never want to play with him AGAIN. Ever. Because he has taken away that Oxytocin from you, because he’s such an a-hole. Golf is about friendship. When someone breaks that trust, we should cast him out like the pile of dogcrap he is. Case in point, was the other day I was at the pro shop fixing my putter grip. While waiting, someone walks in and looks at my putter and asked me about the grip and we started talking and laughing about stuff. He left after a while, my wife asked me, who was that and was that a friend? I said no, don’t know his name, or anything else except he played golf and we knew each other’s golf clubs. She looked at me strangely, as if I was a half witted numbskull. Golfers immediately create a trust bond. It’s like what Victor Hugo says: Great perils bring to light the fraternity of strangers. The peril we all share is the game of golf.

So there you go. Golf provides for all. Cooking? I guess. But I suck at it, so to me, it’s a boring activity. I don’t get my 4 chemicals from it. I rather be eating.

So to non-golfers who thinks golf is boring–you’re right. It is to you, because you don’t play it. Everyone gets their fill of these 4 chemicals somehow. Let’s not knock on our respective methods shall we?

What Happened to You, Impian?

Once upon a time, when Saujana used to run it, Impian Golf and Country Club used to be one of our favourite haunts. It had one of the best greens ever, and the fairway as well were excellently manicured. The caddies were a useless bunch of nitwits though, but overall, the experience had always been very good.

For some strange reason, though, I never could score very well there. Perhaps it was due to the deceivingly tight fairways, that undulates and drops off to valleys and hills. Perhaps it’s just that some of the holes were ‘hooker’ unfriendly, meaning, lots of trouble on the left which leaves a nightmare for guys with a hook as his bad shot. Or the table top greens.

But I played there this week and had one of the worst experience of golf in living memory. No, the fairways were OK (although getting progressively worse). The greens were horribly slow. Like S.L.O.W. It was difficult to putt and to gauge, and ended up with loads of 3 putts etc. The bunkers were wet and hard.

But it wasn’t these problems. We had a group in front of us that were absolutely the worst golfers in the history of bad golfers. Not that they couldn’t hit it. But they were absolutely without ethics at all, and slowed the game down so much that I felt like buying a thousand piranhas and pouring them down each of their respective pants. I mean bad golf is one thing. Slow golf is another. Deliberately slow golf is unforgivable. We were waiting — I kid you not — almost 10 minutes between shots.

They would drive their buggy. Wait. Then some of them would get down while talking. Take out their clubs. Put back. Take out their clubs again. They would ALL wait till the first guy hits, then walk to their ball. Worse, some of them took so long to swing that I could have gone for a poop in the jungle and came back and still waited. I absolutely, unreservedly DETEST golfers like that and wish them to be tied to the 150 marker on a driving range with a thousand balls flying towards them. One of them would hit his shot, pose UNTIL his darn ball landed. As in pose. With a frozen follow through as if his photo was taken. For every shot.

Come on!!!

Soon, the flight in front of them disappeared, and they were 2 holes behind. As in at their tee off, the flight in front of them were hitting the second shot of the NEXT hole. I believe in this theory: that if the flight had a Dato, or an MD, or a big boss, and the other 3 are kiss-ass subordinates who just took up golf or smoking so they can wipe their MD’s ass: the MD/Dato/recepient of ass-wiping would invariably suck at golf. Because none of his spineless partners would dare to tell him he suck and he should go for golf lessons. None of his spineless partners would say, “Boss, can you hurry up, the 4 chinamen behind us are already lying on the fairway and opening their beer cans”. None of these gutless sotongs would dare teach their MD, instead most of them would say, “Wow, so spectacular your driver, that you can shape your drive like a pitching wedge shot”.

So there was this guy dressed in white ahead of us who was just a sorry excuse of a golfer. He couldn’t play. But you could see his 3 spineless toadies fawning near him.

Guys. Don’t kiss ass. Just play the game and tell your boss to go for proper lessons instead of messing up the course and destroying people’s lives in the process.

Impian, due to the poor marshals and governance did not manage to get these buffoons  out of the course, despite many of our pleas to have us pass through. They completely ignored us even when we all sat down and just looked at them from where we were in protest. In fact at one point, we started teeing off our balls towards the side netting on the tee box, as if we were at the driving range. I swear they actually slowed down just to annoy us.

Now I don’t like to blame people if I had a bad day at golf. But front nine played like this:

+9 from hole 2, 3,4 and 5, scoring a massive +15 overall in front 9. Back nine, they cleared out faster, because we took a break a bit and finally the marshal started doing his job: +6. My 51-42 was 9 strokes different. And my 42 included a 2 on on the par 5 on the 17th. My drive left me around 160, to the green, where my 6 iron brought me within an 8 feet putt for eagle. My stupidity and greediness caused me to roll my eagle 4 feet past the hole and I retardedly miss my birdie. 3 putt from 8 feet!!!

I suppose I am somewhat of a rhythm player. And I can’t play when I am pissed off with the front molasses. I kept duck hooking my drives in the first 9, that got me even more pissed, so it was like a never ending spiral of death. Until they cleared out in the back 9 and we could finally play our golf without stopping.

To the flight in front of us, may you never set foot on a golf course ever again, not the MD, or your boneless underlings who are supposed to be working but are obviously either too lazy or incapable, that they need to play golf to get promotion.

Better stop before I get pissed off again.

Dawn of a new Era

As some of our most loyal readers would know, we are ridiculously, unreasonably, fanatically biased towards a guy called Tiger Woods when it comes it golf. It is an irrational loyalty to the guy who coined Sunday Red in the lore of golf. Throughout his sexcapades, we have stayed with him, remaining as one of his main sponsors, even to the point that he was unaware of it. Throughout his injuries, we stuck with him, and even continued to offer money into our Tiger Fund, which as of this date, we have -10RM, the 10 RM was withdrawn due to our group not having enough money to pay for our golf lunch. In fact we were so serious with our fanaticism for Tiger that we all had a vow of silence for 3 months, which is why you have not seen this blog updated since April. In fact we have more than 6,534 articles written ready to be posted, but due to our vow of silence, we have decided to destroy all these articles and start from scratch. Yes, we are fanatics.

But now, even Gilagolf must admit – the time has come.

With Rory graduating from a half beserk nincompoop who threw away Augusta to the actual person taking over Tiger’s throne, and with Tiger’s injury (again) flaring up again, it’s hard to see how our good friend will ever recover from this. Even if he does, he has this punk with his curly hairstyle to contend with. And unlike Ernie Els, Retief Goosen, Phil Mickleson and Steven Ames, they are not going to wither like a flower when Tiger steps up to the tee. Anyone know what the heck happened to Vijay Singh?

So the truth is this: Jack Nicklaus record remains. Tiger will fall short. And despite him being more than 20 years in the circuit, golf is still a white man game. And now, the top 5 in the world isn’t even American.  Nicklaus and Palmer will be turning in their graves, I think. Wait, oops, they are not dead yet. Sorry, my bad. Need to google more.

A big congrats to Rory, but it is definitely the end of Tiger after this. It’s been a fun ride while it lasted.

 

 

The Masters is HERE!

Despite the current pall that is sitting on the golf world thanks to our world number 1 being out of the Masters, there is still plenty to watch. It’s not to say that golf has found a way to survive without Mr Woods, because frankly, I still think it’s boring like heck when he’s not playing. I have not watched any Non-Tiger tournament this year, and I can’t even care less which of these overweight contenders won in the last tournament.

But the Masters have a different ring to it. In fact, the Masters and the Open is probably the only Majors that I would watch. Forget about the US Open or PGA championship. Between the Masters and Open, I would probably pick the Masters. Because it’s the only major to be played year in year out at the same location and with so much drama packed within 4 days in spring.

So what this year? Are we going to see the Chip that Tiger did in 2005? Or the ridiculous duck hook shot at the 10th two years back? Or in that same year, a double eagle from Louis Ooist–I don’t know how to spell his name, that guy with the gap in his two front teeth. If he had won, it would have been one of the immortal shots of Augusta, where they said, from launch to dropping in the hole, it was about 40 seconds.

So if you are a betting man, who would you pick? There is a good article for the US Masters betting preview here, where it rightly puts Rory, Adam Scott and Phil up there as favourites. But let’s not forget Jason Day, who is the second Aussie in the top 5 and the strangely revived Sergio Garcia. If I had to pick, I’d want Sergio to win it. Over the years, my stance has somewhat soften with him, and now, just want him to win that major tournament that is due to his prodigious talent.

So let the Masters begin!

Thoughts on MH370

I actually had quite a lot to write regarding my recent outing in Impiana golf last week, but after what happened to MH370, everything else seems a little trivial.

This is a little close to my heart in a way, as my wife was supposed to be flying to Beijing that weekend itself on a Sunday. So it was 2 flights ahead of the lost MH370.

I asked her if it wasn’t for our son, would she have gone earlier to have the weekend there before the Monday meetings and she said, yes, probably on the flight on Friday night.

I obviously don’t know or don’t understand how it must be for the families right now. It seems almost presumptous to say I know how they feel. Or as one politician put in his twitter, a picture of him hugging one of the passenger’s father and noting: “As a father, I know how you feel….”

No, you don’t. Especially not you, since your kids are born with a silver spoon jammed firmly into their mouths. Unless you have had a loved one suddenly whisked away and not knowing what happened and disappeared: You. DO. NOT. Understand. So I wish politicians or well-meaning people would stop saying that. It’s not even empathy. It’s just a stupid remark, which unfortunately seems to be the order of the day for our officials.

It’s now a week since the disappearance, and no, I have no idea where the plane is or what happened to it. Like everyone I have some opinions, but at the end, like everyone else, prayer for their safety seems to be the only thing that we can do.

Or head over to http://www.tomnod.com/nod/challenge/malaysiaairsar2014/ and help look for the plane.

Plantar Fasciitis and the Problem of Golf

For many months now, I have been playing with some unreasonable pain on my left foot. At first, I thought it was some achilles heel that I messed up during my jogging session or something. It was very painful, especially when I jogged, so I stopped jogging and started piling back the kilos. I was 79 kilos start of 2013, and got down to 71, and now I am back to 76. It became painful during golf as well, but I played through, thinking it was nothing. Then it became painful just walking, like normal walking around the mall sort of with my kid.

Having enough of this for so many months, I met the foot specialist in Sunway and after probing a little on my feet, he declared I had Plantar Fasciitis.

What??

Anyway, he illustrated it saying its like having a rubber band at the sole of my feet, stretching from my heel to the base of my toes. This basically supports the arch of my foot. The arch, surprisingly is an important aspect to my foot. So typically, this rubber band should be working, but mine has been strained, suspectedly probably torn. Which sucks.

I know why. When I jogged I never warmed up. I just put on my shoes and I go. Because of this, my calf muscles are tight, which strains up my plantar, and after a few rounds, my plantar decides enough is enough.

So now, the doc asks me to do two things:

Stretch my calf muscles – which is easily done by standing at the stairs with the front of my feet on the stairs, and just drop my heel down till I feel the strain in my calf

Get good shoes and supportive soles – I went on to this shop at Tropicana Mall that specialises in soles. It’s like Foot Solutions, where they make special soles that you can slip into your shoes. Unlike Foot Solutions, that costs close to RM600, this one only set me back RM250.

Since using the sole and exercising, my game has notable improvements. For one, I don’t feel that much pain anymore when I follow through. That had previously made me hold back my weight on my right, and not shift properly because it hurt like hell. Now, I just shift to the left and although I do feel some tingling, it’s minor and ignorable. Thank you Doc!

My driving has improved remarkably. My last two games in KRPM and Bukit Kemuning was 88 and 87, and that too could have been much better if not for some daft putting and horrendous irons.

So if anyone is facing plantar fasciitis, treat it, and play better golf!

2014 and what does it bring?

It has been ages since I last updated. To be honest, there was nothing much happening in my golf world towards the end of the year. We didn’t try new courses and we were just recycling the same ones over and over.

I did lose my approach wedge in Nilai Springs the other day. So if anyone finds a Taylor Made LT approach wedge (steel shaft), that’s mine. Would really appreciate it if you can inform me on it.

Other than that, I’m making a point to be more serious about my game in 2014. I started playing golf around 2004 or so..so that means I am already in one decade playing this blasted game and I am STILL averaging around a 20 – 22 handicapper! That’s right. I’m still scoring around 92 – 96 per game. On good days, I can dip a little under 90. On bad, I blow up to 103 – 105. I used to be able to play to a 16 pretty easy, scoring around 86 – 88 on average. The main issues are my chipping and pitching. I suck at it…now even more than usual. I suddenly have forgotten how to do a simple chip. So much so that anything under 30 meters to the green I will putt. It’s ridiculous. It’s like a circus.

Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot on it and practicing, which seems to work in practice but once on the course, I turn into a radical jackass. I suppose it’s in the mind mostly, but I’m easily losing 4 – 5 strokes per game due to horrible chipping (or putting).

Aside from that, I hope everyone else’s games are on track for 2014. Happy Hacking everyone!

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