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Hacker Guide To Breaking 90

bangicard

 

It seems easy for some golfers, but somehow after hacking this game for what seemed like an eternity (it has only been 11 years), I am still struggling to break 90 regularly. Of all the games I’ve played this year, I finally managed to get that done on the (admittedly) easy going course called Bangi, by scoring 86. Here’s a hackers guide to get it done.

1) Go for everything

This might sound counter-intuitive as Butch Harmon and Leadbetter and all these losers will say, “You gotta manage the course, don’t go for it if you think you can’t.” That’s horse$hit. As Master Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try.”. Every Par 5 in this game I went for 2. On the front 9 3rd, I whacked a 3 wood to the green and the toughest green on earth to putt. 3 putting for par was the best I could do. Admittedly, Hole 8 was almost impossible to go for 2. Hole 13, went for 2 and ended up greenside and just bladed my chip too far for birdie. Hole 17, also went for 2 and ended up greenside again but again, chipping was retarded. The point is, forget about course management – GO FOR IT!

2) Drive like a machine

Due to retarded short game inherent in all hackers, our only hope of survival, we need to drive like a king. Which was precisely what happened. I was blasting the ball like a machine, and only had one bad drive the whole round, the par 4 six, where my drive skittered right, ricochet off the 150m marker and into the bunker.

3) Luck, luck, luck

Again, par 4 six hole, if my drive did not ricochet off the 150 marker, it would have ended up dead in the woods and survivability would have gone from 20% to – 50%. Sometimes, luck is all you need to keep the round going.

4) Go for 1 on if you have a chance

Related to point 1), this is a more extreme case. In Bangi, there are plenty of holes where you can actually blast one on if you are feeling it. Hole 10, I launched it around 20 meters from the green, so near that I had to apologise to the group in front, who just said, “Good shot!”. However, after they saw me chunk my chip and blade my third to a bogey, they just shook their heads and left. Ahhh – the delusions hackers have. Hole 16 is another drivable par 4. I missed mine right, but a friend of mine was left with only 30 meters to the green. Hole 18 is definitely drivable, it’s an elevated teebox and if you had the balls to challenge the bunkers you can go for one on. I was around again, 20 meters from the green.

Hole 1, challenge the trees on the right and you can also one on. And if you are great, even hole 9, you can put it to around 40 meters to the green, which was precisely what my partner did.

But the one hole you MUST go for one on in Bangi is Hole 4 in Putrajaya Nine. This is an elevated tee off to around 270 meters to the green but challenging a large pond fronting the green. Usually people will play safe and play to the fairway to the left, but it didn’t make sense since the drop zone is only around 80 meters from the green. I did go for it and the ball stayed in the air for an eternity before splashing down around 1 meter short of the green. In fact, it hit the stone wall fronting the green and bounded back.

5) Momentum counts

We had a partnership going on, and we played the back nine first. We were 4 – 1 down in the first five holes and the other team was just gloating around us. The sixth hole, I stuck my second on the green around 10 feet but tricky downhill. The other guy, putted around 25 feet from the fringe and dunked in his birdie. They were so confident of winning his partner did not putt out and they were saying 5 – 1 down is too big a hole to dig from. My partner was going for par. I putted, and ridiculously went in for a birdie to tie the first ball and we won the second ball. From there, we went on a tear, from 4 – 1 down, to win 4 straight and won 5 – 4 on front nine, and carried over to the back nine and won 11 – 7 overall, outscoring them 10 – 3 after that unlikely birdie. Play for something, and get the momentum.

In all likelihood, if you are a hacker, you have a retarded short game, like me, so don’t bother about it. Avoid bunkers like the plague. I only hit one bunker (the lucky shot) and the rest was either fairway or rough. We just don’t have the capability of hitting chips, bunkershots or flops that other low handicapers can do. But if you drive like a demi-god, it will cover your flaws. This is the only route to breaking 90, if you continue to suck at short game and putting – like me.

Obviously, the lower handicapers will shake their heads and say, we need to improve the short game, but where do we have time or the discipline to do so? If we had short game, we won’t be hackers!!

Frankly, it’s a lot more satisfying blasting the ball to smithereens and watch it dissolve into the horizon and sunset, isn’t it?

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The Big Miss

Since I’ve resolved to add a post every week, there will be times I have absolutely nothing to write about except nonsense.

A few weeks back I played in KGNS – a note: they have closed down one of the championship 9…not for good, but for maintenance. They are revamping the greens and bunkers. So the schedule is that it will be closed till maybe June, and then the next championship 9 will be revamped. This leaves us to play 1 championship 9 before hopping over to play one of the mickey mouse course.

We opted to play the 1st and 3rd, because there were more par 5s. I am a pretty decent driver of the ball, but we have one guy who is closing on to 60 years old and he hits it an absolute mile. He’s a former national cager, hockey trainee, badminton…basically his hand eye coordination is perfect. The par 5 7th on the back nine, he absolutely murdered the ball. For our sixer match, he and I were partnered and we played like absolute buffoons, going down dormie 3. For a sixer, you understand, we got whipped in the first 3 holes.

So there he was around 230 meters to the green, and I was in the jungle on the left for my second shot. He absolutely gunned his 3 wood to about 10 feet from the hole to set up an eagle putt downhill. For me, I hit an absolute perfect 9 iron for my 3rd shot, in the trees that dunked to about 4 feet from the hole, uphill putt.

We were already down 3 and you know what we were thinking:

1) I sink a birdie = 1 fringe

2) He sinks his eagle = 6 fringes

3) Both of us par or better = 1 fringe

We could literally turn from zeros to heros and save the game and win everything even if we lost the game.

He putts, and was too cautious, to about 4 feet. He yells out in frustration and in recognition of his stupidity.

He is still away. He misses his birdie putt. 3 putt from 10 feet. He is probably feeling like the biggest moron alive.

I hit my putt too hard, didn’t catch the break and remained stunned as my birdie went away.

From 8 fringes, we just got 1, i.e both of us made par.

You can bet, we never heard the end of this from the other team all the way through lunch.

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Amverton Cove Thumbs Down

As the year winds down, 12 Gilagolfers headed off to Amverton Cove, a previously reviewed golf course with a ranking of Not Too Shabby. Well, we are revising it. It is VERY shabby. You can tell from the picture that it has been badly photoshopped. The golf ball is the size of a basketball. And the fairway looks nothing like that.

It was supposed to be the ultimate golf game to end all golf games for 2014, so we decided to take the day off and head off far into the outer reaches of civilisation to Amverton Cove. Now, we have already mentioned how far this Amverton Cove is, but the previous experience of it has been reasonably good. It wasn’t a great course and certainly not worth RM138 they want to charge unsuspecting golfers, but we had a bunch of seniors with us who could get cheaper and we dumped all our premier vouchers in there so the game itself was around RM110 per person. Which is still pricey but I thought should be fine.

I scored a birdie and overall 90. This included a triple bogey out of nowhere on a par 5. I played reasonably OK – it wasn’t the worst game ever, but again, about 4 -5 iron shots I had were from the fairway into the green and I just completely mishit it with my MPs. These suckers are really hard to hit. But when you hit it, you hit it.

The other problem was the course. There is a difference between a course set up to be tough and a course neglected. Amverton is the latter. It’s pretty sad to see a promising golf course turn into a turd-bath just because

a) There is not enough money, so no maintenance

b) There is enough money but not enough maintenance

Of course b) is speculative, if you know what I am getting at – but in either case, the once reasonable looking course turns into a UPM look alike. Still, black waters like the ones you find in Mordor litter the course. One hole, I swear, the whole black pond (which is not moving at all) is probably full of shit – because that’s what it smelled like. My ball was near it and I just couldn’t hit because of the smell – it was like my 2 year old’s diaper filled with 2 weeks worth of crap. The rough – unhittable – if you can find it. It was just allowed to grow so there is no first cut – fairway and then bam – ridiculous rough that is so heavy you cannot get out nor find your ball. I am sure whoever owns Amverton will say that this was purposely done – but yes, in the same way North Korea purposely set up their country so they can test how human beings have limitations to nuclear exposure. Of course. Come on – it’s neglect. Let’s just call it that. Setting up requires effort. Neglect means, let’s forget about this darn course.

Recommendations for 2015 – avoid Amverton. It’s not worth the trip and it’s trying to pass as a premier course. Let them knock the price down to around RM80 and then it would be more of a fair shake of a course that is slightly below the standard of KRTU. Amverton people – you have a nice course in your hands. Why don’t you manage it and get your maintenance program going? And get rid of that darn shit-lake!

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Verdict: Super Stroke Grip – Maybe Not So Super

Recently I managed to pick up some old putters (center shaft, mallet) – Voodoo Daddy was one of them. The problem was that the grips were unusable. So I headed to the Pan West shop at Kelana Jaya (near KGNS) and was convinced by the gentleman there to try the new super stroke grip. I usually just change to the normal ones for a song, but the Super Grip would set me back RM90. Pretty pricey for a grip. I was convinced to try it though, and there was a choice of the Slim 3.0, Mid Slim 2.0 or the Ultra Slim 1.0. They were all the same price, but different diameter. Basically, the Ultra Slim was like a normal grip, while Mid was fatter and the Slim 3.0 was – fat. I don’t know why they call it Slim – probably by western standard. Probably not Japanese or Korean or, well Malaysian Standard. Oh Wait. I am now talking about women.

Anyhoos, being the kiasu Malaysian I am, here was my thought:

1) Slim 3.0 is the fattest, meaning more materials were used to create it.

2) More materials = Cost of good is actually higher.

3) Price of the good = same

4) Therefore Slim 3.0 is best for bang for buck since I get more out of the same price.

5) Margin for manufacturer is less, it’s a bargain for me!

So there you go. It’s the same retarded reasoning on why I continually use the driver on every hole despite the fairway being only 2 meters wide, and both sides are filled with water, with crocodiles and possibly bull sharks swimming in them. Because I technically paid the most for the driver, therefore, I need to utilise it the most to lower the price per use. I am not major in economics. I’m in IT, so it explains a lot.

Anyway, back to Super Stroke, I used it for like 4 rounds – starting with Nilai, the disastrous Danau, Kinrara and Seri Selangor, shooting 95, 101, 96,96. This was after shooting two rounds of 85. Was it due to the putting? I would say in some parts yes, except for Danau when I went on a shank stroke. The rest, I sort of messed up in my short game, but putting was woeful. I just couldn’t feel it. The grip was TOO BIG. So long lag putts was suffering for me. Short putts was worse. My Seri Selangor game, I had around 4 putts that were missed within 2 foot. I putted 35, 33, 37,37 putts in those 4 games.

The problem was I just couldn’t get a proper grip–I know there are probably a few of the golfers who will snicker at the next remark — but it was too thick. Simple as that. I did manage one birdie in those 4 games – i.e the Par 3 in Seri Selangor when I slam dunked my 8 iron to 1 foot. No way I was going to miss that.

Promptly, the next game in Bangi, I banged in 2 birdies with my old Odyssey with the normal grip. I don’t know if it’s the grip or the putter (center shaft mallet) that I struggled with. But either way, it is going to be difficult for me to switch back to that again. For those who are thinking of super stroke, I’d advise, probably go for the mid slim or ultra slim. I don’t think it’s right for our hands, in my personal opinion.

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2014 and what does it bring?

It has been ages since I last updated. To be honest, there was nothing much happening in my golf world towards the end of the year. We didn’t try new courses and we were just recycling the same ones over and over.

I did lose my approach wedge in Nilai Springs the other day. So if anyone finds a Taylor Made LT approach wedge (steel shaft), that’s mine. Would really appreciate it if you can inform me on it.

Other than that, I’m making a point to be more serious about my game in 2014. I started playing golf around 2004 or so..so that means I am already in one decade playing this blasted game and I am STILL averaging around a 20 – 22 handicapper! That’s right. I’m still scoring around 92 – 96 per game. On good days, I can dip a little under 90. On bad, I blow up to 103 – 105. I used to be able to play to a 16 pretty easy, scoring around 86 – 88 on average. The main issues are my chipping and pitching. I suck at it…now even more than usual. I suddenly have forgotten how to do a simple chip. So much so that anything under 30 meters to the green I will putt. It’s ridiculous. It’s like a circus.

Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot on it and practicing, which seems to work in practice but once on the course, I turn into a radical jackass. I suppose it’s in the mind mostly, but I’m easily losing 4 – 5 strokes per game due to horrible chipping (or putting).

Aside from that, I hope everyone else’s games are on track for 2014. Happy Hacking everyone!

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I broke 90

Once upon a time, I used to be able to break 90 on a regular basis. In fact, not breaking 90 would cause me endless frustration and sleepless night of wondering if my game is going bad.

That was when I still had fantasies of playing golf for a living.

Nowadays, I’m pretty much resigned to the fact that no matter how much time I spend on this blasted game, I’ll find ways to sabotage my score over and over.

With this new found enlightenment, I found peace and equilibrium in my life and once again, golf was about the laughter, enjoyment and paying the price (literally in the form of bets) for having a swing resembling a gopher doing the macarena.

So, now, when I do break 90, it’s a big deal. I managed to do it today at Impian, which I must say, is getting to be my favourite course.

photo impianascore2013_zps08a16eb8.jpg

The minus points were the double bogeys I created. Hole 6 was just a bad idea…I just got a RazrX Callaway Stiff shaft which I can’t hit, so I used it and promptly skulled the ball 30 meters in front. Ended with a double. The other double was Hole 9, where I duck hooked my driver into the water on left. Index 2 double bogey on 15th was just a bad shot from the bunker which ended into the water as well. And hole 17 was the worst. This easy par 5, I drove my best drive and was only a nine iron away from the green with my second. I had to go through trees unfortunately and landed short of the bunker. I duffed my flop into bunker, skulled my bunker shot to the other end, managed to 5 on and two putted. After a drive that left me with a 9 iron to the green.

You win some and lose some I guess. Impian was in great condition. The greens were still massively good. In fact I managed to sink some ridiculous putts, including a 30 foot bomb on the 7th. The price is a turnoff though, but with the Top Premier voucher, we got 90 bucks each, which is an excellent price for the course. Go for it!

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System 36 Sucks.

I just played my best game ever on the Rahman Putra Championship course and I am no where near the winner in the tournament I was in.

My course handicap is 19, and to be honest, I certainly will be extremely lucky to play at 19. I am more of a 22 – 23, because my golf has descended into a somesort of hellhole for the past few years.

But today, it’s just something that clicked.

OK, I know some of you might snicker, saying, your best freaking score is 90? You’re pathetic, Gilagolf, you should try to play lacrosse instead.

I started the tournament on the 10th and proceeded to mess that one up in front of the whole gallery. I messed up the second one as well, before steadying the ship somewhat to get my first point on the board. After 3 holes.

But then it sorted out. I alternated 3 bogeys and 3 pars over the final six, including a par on the index 2 monster hole, which I’ve never done before in my life.

Making the turn, in front of another gallery, I bunkered my tee, and 3 putted for double. The par 3 tough hole? Took two to get out of the sand. You can imagine how crap I am at sand shots.

But after that, I went on an incredible (for me) run of six straight pars, with a string of missed birdies, some lucky recovery and crazy putting. I never had six pars in a row before, and this includes the index 1 hole. So, I parred Index 1 and Index 2 on KRPM. That’s why I consider this as my best game, with six in a row, and index holes parring. I messed up the rest, though, ending with 9 pars, 3 bogeys, 3 doubles and 3 triples.

If I was a 19 handicapper, I would have scored 37 points. As it is, thanks to system 36, my handicap was lowered to 15 and I scored 33 points!

How does system 36 work?

It’s generally for people not to buaya. But I am not a buaya. I so happened to have a great game in my limited standards.So with 9 pars, I accrued 18 points (9×2 points for par or better), 3 bogeys would make it 3 points (3×1 point for bogey) and 0 points for others (3×0 points for double bogey or worse. So my “point” here is 18+3 = 21. Wait, these are NOT your stableford points. This is to calculate new handicap. Hence, my new handicap is 36 – 21 = 15. Since this is lower than my actual one at 19, the tourney guys used 15 instead.

The last time I played to a 15 was probably when cro-magnon primitives roamed the earth killing mammoths.

So, now with the handicap, we calculate the stableford, which of course, makes me lower, since I no longer have 1 stroke per hole and 2 stroke for the index 1 hole (which I parred, meaning I had a net eagle).

So despite playing like a demon for the six parred holes, I land myself at the second lowest handicap and in the middle of the pack for the tournament.

How do you escape system 36? Birdie…or bogey, don’t par. That way, your blow holes are not penalised so heavily. At least this is what someone told me. But try telling a golfer NOT to hit the putt just to avoid par is like telling a t-rex to be a vegetarian for life.

Why can’t we just trust each other’s handicap and trust there’s no buayas and play to our handicap. If we get a solid game in, reward us!! It’s not like we’re ever gonna do it again!

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Seri Selangor gets a Gilagolf ‘Meh’

I’ve invented a new category, called ‘Meh’.

It’s an actual word, as you can find it in a wiki here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meh

Meh here, means you know what, we’ll probably play it again, but even if we don’t and the course goes disappears into an atomic blast, we’ll be ok. Meh.

Seri Selangor is a bloody tough course, especially to a guy who has hooks for his bad shots. I played 12 over in the last 4 holes, including an awful 6 on the par 3. I ended up 45-54, a rare inverted scores on the front and back, compounded with an awful short game, and as in every golfers blame: awful luck.  Also, they changed one of my favourite holes, the 17th into a par 3. Apparently the story was one of the Dato’s whose house was stupidly next to the fairway, complaint that balls kept hitting his house. He went to the clubhouse with a gun and said, “if you guys don’t do something, I will.”, thus transforming one of Seri selangor’s most characteristic hole into a huge pile of tapir dung. I mean, is it legal to threaten people like that? with a gun? In Malaysia? I guess Datos get away with anything, literally murder.

Anyways, aside from the transformation on the 17th, the course condition was also awful. The greens remained the same, which was the only good thing about the course. The price went up to RM90, so methinks there is a conspiracy between all golf courses to hike their price, convert par 4s to par3s and rob us golfers. Kinrara, now Seri Selangor. However, even if my score was 8 strokes worse than my score in Kinrara, Seri Selangor greens are still great to putt on. And it’s close to home, so it’s a Meh.

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There’s something about Kajang Hill

I know it sounds a little presumptuous to say that there are courses that “doesn’t quite fit our eye.” That expression was made famous by a dude called Martin Kaymer when describing the hallowed Augusta, drawing universal derision from all sectors, including his own mother. Augusta doesn’t fit the eye?? It’s like a full blooded male saying, “Scarlett Johansson  doesn’t really fit my eye. I think Caesar from the Planet of the Apes is heck prettier.” But you know, whatever Martin’s inclination is, that’s personal. The fact is, he has the right to say those things because, ummm, he’s good. He’s not great, but he’s a lot better than me or my respected readers…no offense.

Where as for us, Hackers, to say something doesn’t fit the eye is even more ridiculous, because (speaking for myself), I suck at this game. I don’t have a consistent swing or a predictable ball flight, or even a guarantee that I would be able to hit the dang ball…there is no way a course set up has any inkling to my game, because at times it flies left, at times it flies right, at times it doesnt make past the red tees.

But if I were to say a course that doesn’t ‘fit my cock-eye’, it’d be Kajang Hill. I don’t know what about it…I just suck more than usual playing this course!

We teed up on the first nine and I actually played very well…aside from starting the 3 holes like a monkey, I know why: The first hole, a good drive saw my ball plugged into the rough. Playing competition, no way I could get it out. Double. Second hole, pull near the trees. Instead of being in the bunker or at least on the ground…it was literally perched on the roots! It took 3 shots to get out!

The back nine…Oh gosh. I was 11 over 4 holes. I OB-ed the first 3 holes with massive pulls, and almost OB-ed the fourth when my ball was stuck under the ledge in a bunker. WHAT THE…after that, I played good golf, but my gosh, what a string of lousy first 3 holes in my nines!

And this is not the first time. Previous adventures in Kajang Hill yielded the same result…white tee, blue tee no difference. Blue I struggle with the length. White, I struggle with the accuracy, constantly blasting my ball over the fairway OB.

I’m not saying Kajang Hill sucks. It doesn’t…but it’s slowly degrading since nobody bothers about maitenance. It’s closing down end of this year due to housing development I believe. What a crap-shoot. I need to play one more time here to redeem my pride!

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Puasa Gilanalysis 26 – 33

Due to the puasa month, it was perhaps the most golf I’ve managed to played in years, including two tournaments, which I didn’t do too well. Here we go:

Gilanalysis 26: Rahman Putra

I hardly have any good outings in a course that I have been playing since 2005, and in all my games in the championship course, I don’t recall anytime that I broke a 90. Again, it was not to be, but having played an iffy front nine filled with bogeys, the back nine of 44 was a welcome sight.

Gilanalysis 27: Impian

It’s annoying when the game doesn’t come together after a good outing. I started very badly on the back nine, thanks to atrocious putting, which plagued me the entire game, with six three putted greens and 3-4 feet misses at least on 3 occasions. The course was great, the game was a wreck, even 5 pars couldn’t save it.

Gilanalysis 28: Danau

The mallet putter came back in play and was immediately proficient in Danau’s undulating greens, with just 30 putts. Played Danau’s familiar and easier back nine without any major issues, but the front nine was horrible. The first hole itself was a lost cause, with two balls into the drink. The second hole was perhaps the finest par I have, having landed my drive down into the valley of death on the right, and a SW onto the green.

Gilanalysis 29: Glenmarie Valley

Took Advantage of the great pricing at Glenmarie at RM80, and played the valley, where previous score had soared to 102. Teed off the back nine and had complete possession of my game, shooting in 43. For some unknown reason, that possession turned into crapnut on the front, having had my sandy par on the first, proceeded to play like a monkey on weed, shooting +10 in the next 4 holes, before steeling with a lucky 300m drive on the index 1 8th hole, skulling my SW which luckily got caught inches away from the water and parring it. +10 over 4 holes? YUCK.

Gilanalysis 30: Glenmarie Garden

Tournament play, but from the white tees, which really brings up the reality that no matter which tee we use, we will still suck regardless. Due to the white tees, a lot of hazards came into play but it was just a breakdown in the second nine, especially on the easy first, where two shanks led to a triple. On the Index 13, was left with an 8 iron after a great drive, and shank the devil out of it into OB. It’s true that once you shank once, you never really recover from it. I shanked 4 times in the back nine which is the golf equivalent to strapping yourself with TNT and jumping off a rocky cliff into a shark infested boiling water.

Gilanalysis 31: KGNS

The next tournament wasn’t that bad, even though the scores are about the same. At least there were no shanking involved. KGNS and I never really agree on any matter, and that might change, as I might be getting a membership there by the end of the year if all things go ok. It was a shotgun start, so I kicked it off at the par 3 fourth, promptly double bogeying my first two holes with some sorry putting, then steadied somewhat. It all came apart at the par 3 15th, a devilish difficult hole, where I thrashed my 3 wood into the water behind the green. I proceeded to hook my next tee shot into hazard, 3 putted the next hole for bogey. Basically, I was +11 over my first 11 holes and +11 for my next 6 holes before parring the last. How to win?

Gilanalysis 32: Impian

Thanks to the Puasa month, weekends were spent hacking golf courses that we wouldn’t otherwise even dream of going. My final outing in Impian for this Puasa was a good one,  but yet again, one nine was good, the other nine was absolutely poor. I seem to struggle a lot these days to put together two good nines. My first nine was just riddled with poor play, only eeking out a par on the final hole, but the back nine, started to play a lot better even if I wasn’t hitting fairways. The par 5 17th for instance, I hooked the ball so bad into the woods, I punched out with a 7, and found myself only 120m from the hole. It’s a weird and extremely easy par 5. I’ll miss Impian. Good greens and thank God we didn’t need to have caddies in all occasions we played there this year.

Gilanalysis 33: Nilai Springs Mango + Pines

Final game we squeezed in was Nilai Springs. After a good outing at Impian I was reasonably optimistic that I could at least break 90 on a relatively easy course. I started very well, +3 over 5 starting on the 10th. Then completely lost concentration over 15,16 and 17, due to some misunderstanding with my flight mate (we made up after, since we’re so easy going!), but the game never recovered after that. The main problem was easy: IRONS. I was completely messed up in my irons, not hitting a single good iron shot in and compounding that with 3 3-putts. Ah well. There’s always next year then.

To all muslim Gilagolfers, Selamat Hari Raya, drive safe, and welcome back to the golf!