Sleepless in KL

The problem with supporting two sports is this: you don’t get any sleep.

The first and second week of April consist of these two: Champions League football and Augusta National.

Champions League football I have not watched, I think since 2009, when Juventus last played. I am a rabid Bianconeri fan. I’d like to think if I died, I’d like to be draped in that ugly zebra black and white flag that says Forza Juventus, in case people mistake me for a Notts County fan. If Juventus played Liverpool, I’d wish the Reds let in a thousand goals and Luis Suarez breaks a leg. As in literally. So while I support Liverpool in the the Barclays, it is only with about 1% of the support I bestow on Juve. So this season has been utterly annoying, because Juventus is winning the Serie A and they have progressed into the Q-Finals of the champions league against Bayern Munich. Annoying means, I wish I didn’t need to work. I wish we were all barter trading and there was no use of money. I wish I was a robot who didn’t need to eat or have basic life needs, like a house.

I know there are only few Juventus fans out there in Malaysia. A few weeks back I almost got into a fight with a stranger who shouted, “Go Newcastle!” at me, while I was wearing my Juventus striped jersey, emblazoned with Del Piero (it is an old one, yes). Newcastle? Seriously? So anyways, we soldier on. I was hoping to play against PSG actually so we can purposely break Zlatan Ibrahimnovic’s legs for betraying us when we were framed for match fixing and sent to Serie B.

But Bayern vs Juve? It’s Germany vs Italy. Bayern is one of the teams I respect because they depend a lot on their own country’s resources. Juve is essentially team Italia. They got Kroos, Bastian Schweinwhatever, Gomez, Lahm, Boateng, Neuer, Muller; we got Buffon, Pirlo, Marchisio, Chiellini, Giovinco, Barzagli, Bonucci. How to sleep?

Augusta National happens the week after the Champions League game. Of course, who else are we supporting but Tiger?

More of Tiger means…?

It has been a hugely long time since I last updated this blog. Many have thought I had expired somewhere in the middle of a golf course and likely covered up in the thick trees, since there is where I spend most of my golf these days.

I seriously cannot get a grip of my swing, having sat out since, probably approaching two months. The dirt in my golf club has transformed into plants and sprouting flowers.

Instead, I have watched the world go by: First, Juventus, my beloved Bianconeri, win their 30th Scudetto (make no mistake, those 2 taken from us from Inter was robbery), and Allesandro Del Piero probably playing his last game this Sunday at the Coppa Italia; watching the ridiculous game between City and QPR…if I was a betting man, I’d be having a heart attack (could the match be possibly fixed??)

And then there’s Tiger.

I think we can safely say now that the era of Tiger Woods is officially kaput. It’s not to say that he won’t win again, he will, but he’ll win it like any other golfer out there. Gilagolf has always been about Tiger Woods all the way: not because he’s a great guy in golf, it’s because he’s the ONLY guy in golf. It’s going to be hard to root for anyone but him.

It’s depressing enough not to play golf, but to see the guy who inspired you and the rest of a generation to pick up this stupid game play like a hack: that’s doubly depressing. Tiger must be really cheered up by these facts:

1) He’s playing at the Greenbrier classic for the first time. Read it. GreenBrier. And this golf tournament will have more turnout this week than all of its 60 year history combined. I don’t know, it’s just a downer when all these years, Tiger’s been saying, “I simply am not going to waste my gold-minted minutes on loser tournaments like Frys and GreenBrier simply because they sound stupid. Or sound like food and drinks.”

2) His mistress got tapped. And knocked up. Rachel Uchitel is getting a baby girl. So much for rumors that she and Tiger will ride off into the sunset after Elin runs off with his billions.

3) Speaking of Elin, she just broke off with her boyfriend. I think because he once tapped Rachel Uchitel. I mean, what is she gonna do to get this B*tch out of her life??? Elin being so hot, I don’t think she’ll have a problem getting hitched again though. I mean, look at her! Go Elin, Daughter of the Vikings!

Really, More of Tiger doesn’t mean it’s good. The reason why Tiger was such a hot commodity was that he was a stuffy, fussy pr*ck who did what he wanted and was bigger than the PGA tour. Seeing him like this, as a more common PGA tour member really suck. Golf will never be the same again.

Well, at least Juventus didn’t fail me. FORZA JUVE!!

Is Golf Back in the Stone Age?

Quite possibly.

Golf is undergoing an amazing transformation, or regression, from a game that many people are picking up and appealing to the newer generation back to the prissy gentlemen game with as much character as a piece of styrofoam ball. The ones you put in bean bags.

In fact, I don’t even know who won the stupid Fedex cup until just now when I googled it. 10 million. Apparently it went down the wire for Hunter Mahan, one of our Golf Boyz, but he choked (again) and a guy by the name of Bill Haas took the Fedex cup.

One. Big. Yawn.

I really hate to say it, and I might be the only one who feels this: but isn’t golf becoming more and more dreary to watch? Now, the world no 1 is Luke Donald. Nothing against that guy, but FOR SAKES, THIS GUY HAS NOT EVEN WON A FREAKING MAJOR!!! Vs a guy with 14 majors and like 97 professional wins? He even has a wiki dedicated to his wins.

Before anyone shoots me again for being a rabid Tiger fan, here’s the thing: I love the game. You can see it from the way I write; and though my scores continually suck, I continually play the game….and frankly, without Tiger in the mix, it is just a torture to watch golf tournaments. In fact, I prefer watching the LPGA these days.

So until the President’s cup (or the Australian tournament with Tiger in it), and until the stupid NBA sort itself out, we’re left with only Football (and for some the rugby world cup, which is as confusing to me as reading Sanskrit):

1) Liverpool’s resurgence

I am not a pure Liverpool fan…I am by default since I am a Juventus fan, and serie A games are shown less, or either very early in the morning (AC vs Juve at 2 am!!). Liverpool just beat Everton 2-0, but seriously, they were quite crap until Gerrard came in. Gerrard is like 3 million times better than the next best Liverpudlian, who is probably Suarez, or Kenny Dalglish when he plays. But somehow they are still winning, but doubt they can challenge the Manchester teams and Chelsea.

2) Juve is top of the table. This has not happened since the Romans crossed the Rubicon. Savor it Juventini!

3) Messi

Anyone watching football has to be crazy to not like this fler. He’s scoring goals like playstation and it’s totally amazing to watch him….and he’s tiny! The question people ask is what if he played in England, with defenders who prefer to hack him down than to watch? It’s a debate that Ronaldo is actually a better player because he can excel in any league, where as Messi is Messi because he’s in the Spanish League. Anyway, who cares. He’s crazy good.

4) Tevez

Is he that good that he’s worth all the hoopla around him? I prefer Kun Aguero. BTW, I’m always a bit amazed at how they allow him to have his nickname on the back of his shirt. He’s named Kun because he resembles the character Kum Kum, which was his favourite tv series as a kid. (They have Japanese Anime in Argentina!)

Um, which part? Black hair, black eyes? Or just because he has his hands behind his head?

Man, some days, I wish Tiger would just come back and give us something more to write.

A Tale of Two Cities: Juve to Liverpool

Juventus crest The words "Liverpool Football Club" are in the centre of a pennant, with flames either side. The words "You'll Never Walk Alone" adorn the top of the emblem in a green design, "EST 1892" is at the bottom.

OK, nothing to do with Golf for once.

The football season has just ended, so that means many Saturday and Sunday nights of idleness and boredom for 90% of the male population in Malaysia and restful nights for my wife (we have a mamak opposite our place, so, yep, every goal is a nightmare to her). So after next week’s big game, we’ll be officially in the off season.

So anyways, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I find it so uncanny that Juventus has an almost mirror image in the Barclay’s in Liverpool. So much so, that this season, I have become a secondary Liverpool fan (since I can’t seem to catch Juve playing often!). I mean think about it:

1. Both Suck. At the moment.

2011 was tough for Juve. I mean, how the heck did the promise of 2010 (when they were 4th place), turn into such a nightmare as 2011. 4-1 to Parma?? 3-0 to Napoli?? 2-1 to Palermo?? And Liverpool? Exact opposites. 2010 was horrendous for them thanks to a certain coach. Who sucked. But they turned it arround in 2011. Where are we both? 7th and 6th place.

2. Legends at the Helm.

Liverpool has King Kenny. Now, Juve has King Conte. Ok, that’s probably a bad name but both are legends respectively.

3. Players Exchange

Liverpool to Juventus:Alberto Aquilani. Juventus to Liverpool: Christian Poulsen. Guess who got the better deal?

4. Rivalry with Champions

Juve hates Inter. Liverpool hates Manchester United. Ok, Inter isn’t the champion anymore, but who cares.

5. Crap results with crap team, good results with great teams.

It’s like a mirror image. Juve beats Inter. Liverpool thrashes Manchester United. Liverpool beats Chelsea–twice, Juve beats Lazio twice. Liverpool beats Man City, Juve beats AC Milan. Juve’s bogey team: Napoli. Liverpool’s: Spurs. Liverpool collected 14 points from the top 5 team, Juventus collected 17. That’s pretty impressive stuff.

6. Super Midfield Flops

Liverpool has Joe Cole this season. Juve had Diego last season.

7. Super Legend Captains

Liverpool has Gerrard. Juve has Del Piero. Both have spent their entire careers with ONE Club. Ah, loyalty.

8. Mirror Achievements

Liverpool was the most successful club in English Football (until last week), Juventus is the most successful club in Italy. Even by ranking, Juve and Liverpool both have 11 International club titles, both rank 6 in the world.

9. Derby with not so great clubs

Liverpool overshadows Everton. But Liverpool actually was birthed from Everton. Juventus overshadows Torino. But Torino was birthed from Juventus. But since Torino is in the toilet for some time, Juventus now picks fights with Fiorentina, for weird reasons. Strange.

10. History

Both are founded in 1890s due to splits with other clubs. Even their fanbase is similar, with locals in Liverpool preferring Everton (at least, that’s what I hear), and local Turin preferring Torino. Liverpool and Juve both have huge fanbase outside of their home cities.

And of course, Heysel 1985 forever linked these two clubs together. Like Forever.

So much for my football gilanalysis. Enough of that. Time for GOLF!

Golfing Doldrums

As some of you might know, Gilagolf hasn’t really been going out there to new courses to get new reviews in. In fact, I haven’t been going out there on any course, period. It obviously sucks to be working your butt off weekdays and weekends just to chase the almighty moolahs, but hey, it is what it is. Looking forward to year end.

So, entertainment has really been in the form of sitting around the couch flipping channels. The golf season has theoretically ended, the only question is whether our old friend Tiger can muster one win this season in the Chevron Challenge underway….he’s not bad, he’s actually leading, and even tweeted he had a nice drive on 18. What?? He’s actually engaging us, the low scum reptilian golfers! Is this the softer Tiger? Is he becoming a Pussy…cat?

Here’s just a run down of the top 5 interesting sports news to think about before year end comes and hopefully golf can begin again:-

1) Chevron Challenge – We’re really hoping that Tiger can win. Serious. I’m so sick and tired of seeing a non-american golfer up there. It’s been more than 72 hours of non-american arrogance at number 1. THAT HAS TO CHANGE!!! I can’t handle any more of seeing a fat world number 1 who is not John Daly! I can’t handle anymore of stupid Ian Poulter and Rory mcIlroy stupid tweets making fun of Tiger! Tiger, it’s time you wedgie these english wankers!

2) Still on golf – Could I be the only person in the entire planet who is extremely excited about Golf Season 2011 because of the return of: DAVID DUVAL?? Here’s a guy who was number 1, then went down to number 218,777,567th, just about 2 steps above my ranking, and now somehow by some luck is in the top 125 again!! We’re starting up a Duval tracker, that will track everything about Gilagolf’s most favourite golfer of all time, because he just looks so darn cool with the Oaks even though he now resembles something between John Daly and a Double Quarter Pounder Cheese Hamburger.

3) Miami Heat vs Cleveland Cavaliers – For those who met me, do not let my pudgy physique deceive you, I was once a very good basketballer in my hey days. I am a Miami Heat Fanatic since Timmy Hardaway cracked ankles with his Utep Two-Step Crossover, and went bonkers when they acquired Lebron James this season. Although they are playing sh*t so far, it’s good they blew Cleveland out of the building.

4) Juventus the Italian Idiots -My blood is black and white, and have been a Bianconeri fan since my umbilical was cut. But what a bunch of crap idiots to draw with a stupid team from Poland and crashing out of the greatest European championship ever, the famous Europa League. In fact, Champions League can go suck dirt. Perhaps in some ways, there’s a kinship of suffering between Liverpool and Juve. As much as you Scousers hate the Devils, we also hate the Nerazzuri, and wish them a thousand deaths in the hands of your former coach.

5) Malaysia lose 5 -1 to Indonesia – Ok mah. At least we score one goal lor….better than Real Madrid….