This is why I cheat

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In an earlier post, I still concede I don’t play a 100% honest golf.

This is the reason.

In most cases, when my ball is nestled in the rough around tree roots or rocky ground, I’ll pick it up and drop at a better area. Yes, I do it, and no I don’t penalise myself, so yes, technically, that is dishonest.

But today I played in a tournament in Seri Selangor. So there is no such thing as picking up my ball etc, and my ball ended up in the jungle (which is normal for Seri Selangor). The ground was rocky and there were roots, but it seems ok, tiny rocks, which I suppose would just scrape my beautiful Mizuno irons.

I hit my 6 iron to punch out – and lo and behold, there was a huge brick buried beneath my ball and when I hit the ground, my ball flew, and the large back cracked in half at the impact and rocks splatter all over.

The horrifying dent on my 6 iron is now for all to see. Thank you, Seri Selangor for burying bricks and destroying my club. AUGH!

Does anyone know where such huge craters on my irons can be fixed or buffed out? Any recommendations of golf repair shop in KL/PJ area?

Tiger Woods Memorial 2015 Round 3 Highlights

For those interested in how bad Tiger played, the final hole was this:

a) Pulled 3 wood into river  – Stroke 1

b) Drop and hit to front of green – Stroke 3

c) Duffed chip hit false front and rolled back – Stroke 4

d) Screwed up flop that went back into the greenside bunker – Stroke 5

e) Blast out of bunker to 20 feet – Stroke 6

f) Missed putt – Stroke 7

d) Finally ball goes in the hole – Stroke 8

Ouch.

I beat Tiger Woods this week

 

 

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Before anybody says anything, do note I am a super die hard Tiger Woods fan and believe that without him, golf will still be played by white guys who are all 40 years old and above and drives around 160 meters and tournament winnings will be slightly over USD1,000. Tiger changed the way golf was viewed by the world.

But I beat him this week. Or at least, I beat his round 3 scores.

Granted, it wasn’t on the same course. And obviously Muirfield is much much tougher than the Mines, but hey, he has over 17 handicap strokes on me so I suppose we are all even stevens on this. He scored a 42-43, while I scored a 43-41. We both had one birdie, he had more pars but had a quadruple bogey. And OK, we both shot +13, since Mines is a par 71, but hey, my gross score is lower than Tiger Woods! How often can I say this??!

I might be the last to admit it, but if he doesn’t make it back by end of this year, I think his goose is finally cooked.

Gilalogy: Slope and Course Rating

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One of the questions I had when I was starting golf was: what the hell are course and slope ratings that keep appearing in the scorecard that’s supposed to mean something?

Of course with the advent of the internet, everyone can find out what these numbers are and Gilagolf is probably the last website you would go to for any golf lessons.

But here’s the simple explanation to it:

a) The course/slope are used for handicap calculations, so we generally leave it to the experts. However, we do have an auto handicap calculator per USGA method in our gilastats area – unfortunately the Gilastats now is closed, as I was getting too many public requests and 99% of them were fake and for spam.

b) The course rating is simple: the average that a scratch handicaper will shoot for that course. OK, so if John Doe is a scratch handicapper and shoots 72, the course rating is 72. Of course the rating is rated over many rounds and some other strange rituals like considering the color of your underwear etc. Of course not. I don’t know. As long as you see a course rating, that’s what a pro would be shooting.

c) Now there is also a rating for bogey golfers called the bogey rating, but nobody knows about it, but its there. It’s basically what a hacker like us (18 handicapers) will shoot on that course. That being said, there is a slope rating to make up for it.

d) Slope rating is just a complicated rating created by USGA or the St Andrews guys or whoever just to make them look smarter like mathematicians. Slope here is counted as course rating – bogey rating X 5.381. So say our favourite course Mines has a course rating of 70.30 and a slope of 126. This means we have a bogey rating of around 93.8. I.e we’re supposed to score 93.8.

e) Why don’t they just put a bogey rating of 93.8 instead of all this nonsense of slope is beyond me. And why is there a magical 5.381 in there? Well, apparently, it’s 113/21 = 5.381. Which begs the question, why 113 and 21??

Apparently, 113 is the average course rating determined by these guys. And 21 is the average handicap index. So both these numbers are literally plucked out from the air. Without any explanation. Why is 21 the average handicap index? Why not 20? Why 113, why not 112? It’s a mystery.

How does all this mean? Should we be looking at course rating or a slope rating when we approach a course? Well, most of the cases for us gilagolfers, we are looking at the price. If the price is good, then we google for the food around the area for lunch. After that, we probably will look at the weather, and then the aesthetics, and then whether there is a tournament. Probably the 28th criteria will be the course and slope rating.

If I may venture, the course rating is probably a good way to gauge how ‘hard’ the course is. The slope rating will gauge how much hackers will enjoy the course.

Say for instance, the course rating is very high. Clearwater Sanctuary is the highest we played at 74. Saujana, strangely is 73 even though its around 120 meters longer. You can expect high course rating courses to be reasonably long courses, but length is just one aspect. Seri Selangor at 73.7 at 6266 meters is pretty average or just slightly above. But it’s high also because of other aspects – rough, greens etc. But in general, don’t expect courses like Bangi to have any semblance of respect in terms of course rating. At 68.50, it’s easily one of the lowest ratings we have played, so if we have a birdie or eagle in there, it’s no big deal.

Now higher slope means it gets progressively harder for hackers like us to navigate the course. Now expectedly, the Cobra Course is the highest slope we have played at 140. This means guys like us will shoot around 99 there. Strangely, another course at 140 is Tiara Melaka Meadows and Woodlands. Which is strange because I don’t remember Tiara Melaka being so difficult. Then again, usually in Melaka the only thing we remember is the food after the game.

A higher slope would also mean it gets very difficult for bogey golfers. If you see a high slope you can bet that it’s probably either a lot of water clearance at 180m, or bunkers around the green/fairway or just wooded courses, where wayward drives will be penalised. Scratch golfers probably won’t face this too much because they always hit the fairway (unless you are Tiger). They probably get troubled by small greens or tricky greens.

While all this might start to mean something when we play more golf, it basically just gives us a very rudimentary understanding of how we should approach the game. If the slope is high, you can probably argue that you need to be careful a bit because scores will escalate pretty quick if the mistakes pile up. If the course rating is high but slope is low, you probably want to work on your drives as it will be straightforward course but long.

Frankly, mostly we just try to avoid the following: slice, duck hooks, whiff, tops, submarine and shanks.

An Update on GilaStats

Since I launched this stats site a few years back, I’ve been forced to close it down (or rather, make it closed) due to the many fake requests and site bots hitting it. Well actually not that many, but enough for me to get flooded. Since then, I’ve been asked by a few others whether I’ll open it up again.

It’s actually not a bad software, if I do say so myself. Since I coded it. Yes, I actually do something in my life aside from trying to break 90 at this bloody game. And it’s actually up for free, downloadable from sourceforge if anyone is willing to pick it up. I’ve stopped development since 2008, but I still tweak it here and there a little and currently using it for my own Gilagolf group.

I’ve added another function to calculate Handicap Index based on the ACTUAL, official counting, guided by http://golf.about.com/cs/handicapping/a/howcalculated.htm.

 

USGA Handicap Calculator

Course Score Slope Rating Differential
The Mines Resort & Golf Club — Blue Tees 82 126.00 70.30 10.49
Bangi Golf Resort — 2nd & 3rd — Blue Tees 86 122.00 68.50 16.21
KGNS TEMP COURSE C+A – Blue Tee 87 127.00 71.00 14.24
Impian Golf and Country Club — Blue Tees 90 127.00 71.80 16.19
Total 57.13
Average Diff 14.2825
Handicap Index for gilagolf 13.7112

The handicap index gave me some thought and it’s correct – Handicap isn’t what we really play to. It’s actually what we can potentially play. According to the actual handicap, my potential is 14, meaning, I can actually go out there on a course rating of 72 and shoot 86. I find that hard to believe, but it is what it is.

The problem with us is that our games varies so much. This is a hacker problem. One day we play like Gods and the next we start to shank like the devil. That’s why we have those 82s and in between a 105 and 99. Course rating officials never seen a bunch of flers like us before, so therefore, I propose a simplified handicap rating :- just take 10 of your previous scores and count the handicap! Easy peasy. I get a handicap of 17. This is arguably completely accurate of my current skillset. Those who know me might think I am a buaya when I drive well – you ain’t see me hacking around the green like an idiot yet.

Course Score Slope Rating Differential
The Mines Resort & Golf Club — Blue Tees 82 126.00 70.30 10.49
Bukit Kemuning GCC — Blue Tees 95 129.00 72.00 20.15
KGNS TEMP COURSE C+A – Blue Tee 87 127.00 71.00 14.24
Seri Selangor Golf Club – Blue Tees 99 131.00 73.70 21.82
Impian Golf and Country Club — Blue Tees 90 127.00 71.80 16.19
Bangi Golf Resort — 2nd & 3rd — Blue Tees 86 122.00 68.50 16.21
KGNS TEMP COURSE C+A – Blue Tee 94 127.00 71.00 20.46
Seri Selangor Golf Club – Blue Tees 97 131.00 73.70 20.1
Kelab Rahman Putra Malaysia 1st & 2nd — Blue Tee 90 137.00 72.30 14.6
Kelab Rahman Putra Malaysia 1st & 2nd — Blue Tee 95 137.00 72.30 18.72
Total 172.98
Average Diff 17.298
Gilagolf Handicap Index for gilagolf 16.606

If anyone wants to set up their own stats site with the software, let me know, it’s quite straightforward to get it up!

Taming the Mines

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We had a chance to play in Mines recently and the theory is proven – we need to play in very very expensive courses and we will play better because of our inherent kiasun-ness to not mess up and make the experience a living nightmare.

I scored probably the best I had in years, except for the 80 I did a few years ago at Damai Laut. An 82, with 9 pars, 2 birdies, 3 bogeys, 2 doubles and 2 triples.

It started crap though, with a pulled shot into the hazard and an incapable recovery for a triple on the first hole. The other triple on the first nine (we teed off the back nine) was after my drive stayed out of the water at the side in the hazard and I sliced it back into the water. Aside from those two brain-farts, the other double bogey came from a pulled drive on the 1st, and a pulled second into the woods on the 8th. The first birdie came on the first par 5 and the second was on the 17th, the green that fronted Tun Mahathir’s house. Which is here:

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I was wondering why on earth does the Tun’s house have a chimney?

The score could be lower – missed birdies on the 9th and the index 1 3rd could have put me in for 80, but then again, it could have been a lot worse. My drives were pulled left and a few times saved by the heavy rough from going into the drink. So, this is an extremely rare occasion when even with bad driving, a lot of luck and very good second shots/approach shots saved the game. I think this is probably not so much of a norm than an exception, but let’s see. NEXT GAME!

There you go – 111th in the world tied with 1st in the world

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A couple of things.

My prediction was spot on. Tiger shot 68. He messed up the back 9 as predicted…couple of birdies, couple of bogeys. BAM! I just want to brag. Because I rarely get it correct, but because I was so pissed with Hank Heiney for sounding like Nostradamus only to eat crap after that when Tiger displayed no issues with his short game.

Hank: There is no way someone can get back his chipping so easily. HE HAS THE DAMN YIPS. Trust me, I am a short game expert and one of the top golf instructors in the world. I trained Tiger and made him what he is. His dad didn’t do crap for him and that Bitch Harmon guy is  wanker. I am the best. Call me at 1-800-HANKHASABIGDIC. Free lessons at my place if you are pornstar.

Gilagolf: Wait – Tiger didn’t mess his chips. His bogeys came from stupid drives and stupid putts. In fact, this guy’s chips are amazing. What are you talking about, the yips?

Hank:….Call me at 1-800-HANKHASABIGDIC.  Free lessons at my place if you are pornstar. Did I mention that it’s HANKHASABIGDIC?

Secondly – we now have the 111st player in the world teeing up with the 1st player in the world. And the 111 guy is a bigger attraction than the 1st player in the world. Only in golf will you see this, that 111 > 1. In ATP, this means James Ward is a better tennis player than Novak Djokovic. In badminton it is Dinuka KARUNARATNA vs Chen Long and Dinuka is bigger and more famous. In football, it means Libya is bigger news than Germany. You get the idea.

Tiger is NOT the 111st player in the world. He’s just at that spot temporarily for whatever reason because he doesn’t play. You would have the world believe that Tomohiro Kondo is better than him?

Bring it on tonight!

Tiger at the Masters – Eat my shorts, Hank

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It’s 3.45 am now and I am watching the first major since God knows when. Because of one guy. Tiger Woods.

Sure, this guy Jordan Speith is burning Augusta like he was born here.  He is probably gonna win it, barring an amazing disaster or self implosion like Rory. But. Who. Cares.

The biggest news is obviously Tiger not just making the cut, but currently shooting 4 under on the first 9 of moving day and moving into the top-10.

Eat my shorts, Hank Haney.

And the rest of this planet. Obviously, there was never in doubt about Tiger. I actually wrote a piece before the Masters Begun called My Prediction of Augusta – Tiger to almost Win it. I didn’t post it up because I didn’t finish it because my son just shit in his pants. Of course, I am not going to post it up, because people will say that’s a poser of an article and that I wrote it AFTER the second round.

The reason I wrote was simple – Tiger kills Augusta. He also will NOT come back if his game is messed up. And more than that, 3rd round, he is playing against Sergio Garcia, the racist who told him to eat fried chicken a few years back. (Fried chicken to african americans is a derogatory remark).

But let’s hold on for a while. He’s sitting at -6. Will he mess up the back 9? Probably. It’s still game rust.  He will probably bogey a few, and birdie a few and probably end the round at around 68 or 69. Which is still damn good for a guy who chipped like me.

Now. Hank Haney. This old dude. I read his book about Tiger called “The Big Miss”. Hank is a guy who typically cannot play golf, so he purportedly teaches it. He makes a crap load of predictions like this:

“In 2 trips to Augusta in 2010 before the Masters Tiger failed to break 80, finished 4th that yr, the 74 doesn’t scare me, the chipping does,”

Hank. You are beyond stupid. You are still talking smack about chipping of Tiger. He is beyond that. And stop making predictions. There is no risk to you. You make a wrong prediction, you say, “Aww, Tiger got lucky”. Your prediction becomes right, you say, “See, that’s why people pay me stupid money to make comments on golf swing that I know nothing about so I can see if I can score those pornstars that Tiger scored.” Hank is annoying. I wish he would just shut up and crawl back to whichever piece of rock he came out from before he trained Tiger.

OK, back to sleepless nights and watching Mr Woods. His putting still sucks, so watch MY prediction. He will mess abit the back 9 and finish around 68 or 69. He will end up top 10 this week. Gilagolf HAS SPOKEN! Up your heiney, Haney!

Ripple – Probably one of the best Nike Ad. Ever.

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I am not a big fan of Nike.

Not just about golf. I used to play a lot of basketball when I was younger. I know, I don’t look like I can even jump higher than a piece of paper now but strangely, I was pretty good at basketball…well enough to represent the school, and also later in my University, be part of an Asian team that generally got thrashed badly by the Australians. OK – I am not that great, but I played the point pretty well and had a good jumpshot.

Anyway, it all went south after twisting my ankles over and over when I bought Nike shoes. Every basketball shoes I had, I would twist my ankle again and again until I gave up on Nike and bought AND1. The accidents stopped, but the injuries were too long gone and I was left with a pair of ankles that were as weak as Tiger’s chipping.

And golf? I don’t know. I never tried Nike. I don’t think they suck – after all, their irons are comparable to Mizuno I suppose. But they seem to have a bad rapport among my group. Anyone carrying Nike clubs would automatically be granted the designation of poser. I guess it’s not so much of the equipment  these day – but just the association with it. Maybe Nike made crap equipment previously but I am sure they have improved. The association with Tiger is something they can’t escape. Not that it’s bad, but it’s like wearing red when we play golf. It’s like, if you do that, you better play well! If not you are just a poser!

But one thing about Nike is that they make interesting commercials. Not all of it are good, but two that stands out for Tiger is the one they did where he was kid and won the British Open here:

But the recent one that came out, called ‘Ripple’? Awesome on so many aspects. Especially now that Tiger is seen to be in his twillight years. This one out did the rest.

Tiger Woods is BACK (?)

Think of one golf shot, at one point of time that you remember the most.

Some of you might probably think of Jack Nicklaus sinking in the putt for the 1986 Masters.

Or Bubba Watson crafting that extremely STUPID hook from the trees in the 2012 playoff Masters.

Ok, for those who are somehow still alive – 1935 Gene Sarazen Masters – double eagle (that’s a two on a par 5 …WHAAAT??)

But come on – Tiger Woods. 2005. 16th Hole. The Nike chip. And the missed High 5. No one forgets that. I remember I woke up early (but not too early) for work and I turned on the TV to catch what I hoped would be the final few holes.

It was the 16th.

And Tiger and this guy Chris DiMarco (I think) was there and Tiger was stalking the green. It was unbelievable. It was as if God woke me up, timed me perfectly to brush my teeth and change clothes and wash up etc. And so I stood there watching the whole scene unfold.

Is Tiger back?

I hope so. It could be the only reason why I will pay those crooks and corrupt billionaires who would sell their own parents for money, in AS-TUPID-TRO to give me back my golf channel.