Comedic Malaysia – How much the Rice?

I know this is a golf blog, but sometimes–rarely–there are topics that completely transcends type, categories and style and simply become universal topics to be written, commented on and opined on, and in the past couple of months, our great motherland Malaysia has continuously spewed up such comedic gems, it’s difficult not to look on without cracking up.

Starting with the initiative to bring back talent, Malaysia’s comedy hit its nadir at the recent unveiling of the 1Malaysia email concept. As of now, there are probably 22 trillion posts internet-wide on its widespread stupidity so I’m not going to add to it. I just want to bring to attention what we have always faced when reading other reviews of golf courses throughout Gilagolf’s existence: the guarantee of the existence of B.S in humanity as a whole.

Possibly the funniest article I have read today is

Basically, just saying we needed to BUY a USB from Tricubes to use their email and to give money to them to help them buy their Mercedes S-Classes. But their CEO is truly the raja lawak (Comedy King) of Malaysia and just completely goes off the blocks with these statements:

“Our default setting is a basic Secure Sockets Layer, which is quite secure” – Whenever we hear the word, ‘Quite’, especially from a CON-Sultan, it technically means, “Ah crap, I have no idea what I am BSing about, but hopefully I will talk really fast before some smart alec asks me to explain what the shitaake is Secure Sockets Layer. I think it’s a dress style from ancient Mongolia…”

“Even with the friendly emails, and without the billing, everything is through SSL. Users can also send personal emails to their friends and it would be completely free.”

Friendly emails, as opposed to emails designed to suck all our hard-earned, bound for the golf course, ringgits into their hands. The last part is a revelation, as he’s speaking as if it’s such a novelty to send personal emails to our friends (as opposed to enemies, which is what Gmail is used for), and wait for it…..IT IS COMPLETELY FREE! Wow, thank you Mr BS CEO, we worship you for such a killer service!

“those who wish to send emails to accounts will have to pay a maximum of 50 sen an email, adding that Tricubes aims to sign up 5.4 million users by year-end.”

So, ok…I think it’s a miscue here…send “TO”?? You mean, “FROM” Mr BS CEO? ¬†Anyways, now we need to pay 50 sen to send out one (ONE) email. And they are going to force (likely at gunpoint as in how its done in a concentration camp) 33% of the nation’s internet users to sign up for it. On average, I send out an average 30 emails a day, so that means I am paying RM15 per day to use their wonderful free, USB based quite secure SSL system. I.e RM5,475 per year to use email. So if I am an average user (and my volume is LOW compared to other corporates), these guys have a forecast of RM29,565,000,000 of revenue..which is ummm, RM29 Billion, which puts TriCubes 3 times the valuation of Twitter. Wow. I’d love to work as their janitor. Please let me.

And the scary, scary thing is this: Malaysian Insider understands that Tricubes is pinning its hopes on the Employees Provident Fund (EPF) and Internal Revenue Board (IRB) to sustain the service through pension and tax notifications.

Time to take out as much as possible from the EPF before they do such an idiotic thing as that.

Why-la, do we constantly let these bunch of clowns take advantage of our kindness and loyalty to motherland Malaysia, only for someone to say, “Malaysians generally has brains the size of planktons. There, their brains are this tiny….”:

1 Malaysia email users must sign up with USB device, NRD offices

Anyways, to end it, I also read that we’re going to blow away RM18 Million to bring 300 english teachers to teach us how to talk and write proper England…

RM18 million is a lot of Golf games. Why not just bring 1 guy in and teach all the teachers? We’ve got seriously, really really magnificent English teachers teaching our kids at school,evidenced by this actual question asked in an actual school:

Which brings an end to this Gilalogy, and this classic YouTube of how Malaysia BS is truly alive and kicking in every aspect of our lifestyle here in wonderful Malaysia (skip the first minute, the hilarity begins after):

So here’s the tribute to every TriCube, Government and English Teachers who has ‘How Much The Rice’-ed the crap out of us!

P/S – Of course, the golf news is that the Houdini of Golf, Seve Ballesteros who could put Mickleson in his back pocket on short game, has passed on due to brain tumor. What a genius, and an inspiration to all hackers to attempt the 170 yard, on our knees, escape shot.