Those of you who have been following this blog since we burst into existence know that it is very rare that I write anything else besides golf. Sure, sometimes I write about my travels, about my kid, about my dog, about some random chicken I happen to run over, but 99% of the content here deals with golf. No politics. No religion. No race. No nonsensical, blardy crap National Day logos and Merdeka songs written by half witted ministers.
But this just completely makes me and 99% of our beloved country boil over, and makes you go, “This is why the world thinks the only difference between Malaysia and a bucket of shit, is the bucket.”
Noor Afizal Azizan.
Remember this name.
It may go down as the most dastardly name of all time, causing everyone with the name Afizal, Azizan or Noor to file for a name change the same way that thousands of people named Himmler and Hitler did in post world war II. I don’t need to say what this guy did.
He’s a national bowler. She’s a 13 year old. They had sex. In Ayer Keroh. Which has a pretty good golf course, but that’s besides the point. He was 18 years old.
He allegedly raped her. “Allegedly” is a legal term, meaning, I can’t say for sure, but I’m calling you a rapist anyway, but I can pull this back in case you wanna sue me for defamation. I think. So he gets sentenced.
What really takes the cake is this:
“On Aug 7, he escaped punishment when the Court of Appeal president Raus Md Sharif set aside the five-year jail term imposed on Noor Afizal and agreed with Noor Afizal’s counsel, Hisyam Teh Poh Teik, that public interest would not be served by a custodial sentence, as Noor Afizal showed great promise.”
I feel like the guy that Kevin Bacon played in A few Good Men, in his opening statement at the start of the court proceedings. It’s like I’m right there, saying:
“Hisyam Teh Poh Teik (wait, are you chinese or malay?) is going to try and work a little magic here. He’ll try a little misdirection. Astonishing stories of rituals. Dazzle you with official-sounding terms like “BrightFutureRapeOK”. He may even try to cut in into a few MCA ministers. He has no evidence,but it’ll be entertaining.But in the end, all this magic will not obscure the fact — that a 13 year old girl was allegedly raped, and Noor Afizal allegedly raped her. These are the undisputed facts.”
Can you imagine after thinking he was gonna win, the prosecutor Tom Cruise lookalike with Harvard mouth in a faggoty white uniform faces the Noor Afizal shouting, “Did you or did you not allegedly rape that girl??”
(This is a satirical enactment. This is in no way representative of the truth. As with most of this blog.)
Noor Afizal: “You’re goddamn right I allegedly DID!”
Prosecutor Tom Cruise Look a like: “I suggest the jury be dismissed, and we move to an article A session. The witness has rights.”
Tan Sri Raus Sharif: “Wait, wait, mana kita ada juri ini?”
Tom Cruise Harvard Mouth Faggoty White Uniform: …… …….
Tan Sri Raus Sharif: I overrule Mr Tom Cruise lookalike. In fact, we will substitute Afizal’s jail sentence with promise from him to be on good behaviour for the next five years, and he’s free to go.
Tom Cruise: What the f*…
Tan Sri Raus Sharif: Eh. Jangan haram. I totally agree with the counsel who is either chinese or malay confusing name, that it would not be in the public Best Interest if Afizal go to jail, as he has a Bright Future. As in, Malaysia citizens best interest, Malaysian tax payers best interest will not be served if we sentence an alleged rapist to Jail for allegedly raping a 13 year old girl. Everyone in Malaysia would prefer an alleged rapist to walk free since maybe he can achieve Gold for kedah in our next Sukma? He has Bright Future you know!
Nor Afizal: Ya, And you tau apa they do to alleged rapist in jail? It rhymes with “GRAPE!”.
Tan Sri Raus Sharif: It is settled then. In malaysia, if you have bright future, you can allegedly rape anybody, even 13 year old children. Pedophiles must have bright future first. Ini lah JANJI DITEPATI!
Tom Cruise Look alike: But. But. I also got bright future as lawyer. Or Civil engineer. How about bright future as garbage man? Or bright future as Mafia? Or Bright Future as rapist.
Tan Sri Raus Sharif: Kelakar Tom cruise ini. You can go eat crap with your Scientologist nonsense for all I care. Nor Afizal, you are free! Please do not allegedly rape any more children for at least 5 years ok? Selamat Jalan!
So in conclusion, as long as you have Bright Future, you can allegedly rape and commit crimes that in normal developed countries will send you straight to hell. I got Bright Future also as golfer, so Tan Sri Raus, can I avoid tax ah?
#BrightFutureRapeOK – Twitter it!