Gilanalysis 8: KGPA

Handicap:20

Gross: 97

Net: 77

Verdict: Welcome to the Jungle, we got fun and games…

What Happened

Everytime we tee it up in KGPA, that GNR song plays in my mind because everywhere I look, especially in the front 9, it’s jungle, jungle, jungle. KGPA is in okcondition, good drainage and fairways, but the greens are horrendously slow. The first few greens we putted, it wasn’t pressed down, so you can imagine how bad a shape it was, no roll whatsoever. Compare this to Bangi, KGPA greens are in sorry condition. Be aware if you tee it up here.

I hate the second hole Par 5. It’s stupid for KGPA to put OB right of the cartpath because you have a nice adjacent fairway (hole 14) where you can possibly hit a recover shot. Note to KGPA, Nilai Springs and all these other courses that sprinkle OB stakes here and there: Let the golfers play, will you? If we can escape a bad tee shot, let it be, instead of putting OB here and there. That’s why Rahman Putra is better, because they removed the OB stakes on the par 4 16th to let the golfers play on. They grew some brains. Now, KGPA, please remove those OB stakes, your ridiculous course is already tough enough!!

I expected KGPA to be hard, and it was. We struggled, with the normal peppering of good drives, horrendous slices, great recoveries, crappy duff shots. Two incidents to note:

1) Pured a 3 wood second shot on the very tough par 5 12th. It landed near another group of golfers who had wandered into our fairway. As I was driving I saw two balls next to each other. Once i was there, the other golfer (a white guy–as in western, not pale white) had already hit his. He walked on without any acknowledgement. I couldn’t find my ball anywhere! When I ran after him and asked if he took my ball, he just went, “Mine’s a japanese ball…no take your ball!”

WHY DO WESTERN PEOPLE THINK THEY MUST TALK IN BROKEN ENGLISH FOR US TO UNDERSTAND? Seriously, do they think we are frigging idiots who cannot speak english and they need to put subtitles on us everytime we speak? I was ready to powerslam his bearded face into a pulp with my driver and shout, “China free from gwai-los! Long live chairman Mao! Please give back ball, you thief!”

The caddy apparently saw him picking up my ball and putting into his pocket. By then, I was offered a free drop from my mates, but due to my seething anger, proceeded to mess up the hole with a double bogey.

2) I like the Par 5 17th. 3 of us hit really good drives, which put us into a predicament: cross the lake and go for two or take the sissy way out and lay up. We opted to gun it with full testosterone. First guy’s 3 wood never stood a chance, his slice splashing into the water. My 3 wood was again hit very well (yes, I am a braggart, because I suck in everything else), and crossed….and landed into the bushes growing at the side of the lake….and rolled back in. AUGH! Gotta rehit! The third guy’s 3 wood suspiciously started on a very safe line and drew safely on dry land. We eyeballed him as he shrugged and said he was aiming at the water. Ya, right. Bull crap.

Why I Sucked

Well, putting struggled on the first nine, due to greens, primarily. Driving wasn’t that atrocious, but my irons was as painful as watching a monkey giving birth. I don’t remember hitting one shot that was pure with my irons. I kept pushing or pulling them, and obviously my game eventually disintegrated and went into survival mode.

Not So Sucked

Pretty proud of the ending though. The par at 16th was set up with a nine iron from a hilly lie after a terrible drive. Then the misadventures at 17th, but I hit my 4th shot 3 wood near to the green. One pitch and putt for a bogey. Final hole, I chunked my third, chipped my 4th about 5 feet past, and putted in to win the bet. So still win some money lar…

What to Work On

Irons. And drive a lot straighter. It could have been a lot worse if not for some lucky breaks here and there…including the proverbial golfer’s luck of watching your ball spinning into oblivion and hit a tree and come out. We say, “Ada monyet! (Got monkey!)” before descending into cackles of insane laughter, which shows how absolutely stupidly juvenile golf humour is.

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