This is why I cheat


In an earlier post, I still concede I don’t play a 100% honest golf.

This is the reason.

In most cases, when my ball is nestled in the rough around tree roots or rocky ground, I’ll pick it up and drop at a better area. Yes, I do it, and no I don’t penalise myself, so yes, technically, that is dishonest.

But today I played in a tournament in Seri Selangor. So there is no such thing as picking up my ball etc, and my ball ended up in the jungle (which is normal for Seri Selangor). The ground was rocky and there were roots, but it seems ok, tiny rocks, which I suppose would just scrape my beautiful Mizuno irons.

I hit my 6 iron to punch out – and lo and behold, there was a huge brick buried beneath my ball and when I hit the ground, my ball flew, and the large back cracked in half at the impact and rocks splatter all over.

The horrifying dent on my 6 iron is now for all to see. Thank you, Seri Selangor for burying bricks and destroying my club. AUGH!

Does anyone know where such huge craters on my irons can be fixed or buffed out? Any recommendations of golf repair shop in KL/PJ area?

Worst Game but Yet…


Golf is strange.

This is the final conclusive statement that every golfer, whether hacker, amateur, buaya, professional or Tiger Woods will agree to.

I had my worst game this week – a 99 in my old haunt Seri Selangor. You would think that I would be hoping mad over the game but only – I thought I hit some of the best shots of my life in that game, coupled with some of the most retarded short game and putting ever experienced.

1) We teed off at Seri Selangor back nine first. It’s always better, because the back 9 of Seri Selangor is narrow like Kate Moss, although not as flat as her. So once you have warmed up, you can really drive like a King once you cross over. At least that’s how I prefer it.

2) I shot 49-50. Which is really weird, because I played really well on the back 9. I can probably hear some guffaws, but the stats is there – I drove as well as I could and the only two bad drives I had which ended up left was on 4th and 6th, both of which I put regulation on.

3) The front 9 (Hole 10 – 18 here) was just a massive cock up of epic proportions, especially when I started teeing off with my stupid 3 wood on the 16th and 17th. For 18th, my drive found me around 190 meters away from the hole (where the pole was, for those who know Seri Selangor). It’s a par 5 that all of us invariably tries to two on but messes up 99% of the time. This time around, I wanted to just land in front of the green, so I hit my 7 wood. Honestly, it was probably my best 7 wood shot of my entire life, because it went high and long, with a slight draw, and landed on the front of the green and rolled all the way to the back fringe, around 15 feet from the hole. Eagle? Yes, guess what – hello retarded 3 putt!!

4) The cock ups after great shots continued in the back 9. First hole, great tee shot, lousy 9 iron behind the bunker and flop right into the bunker. 3rd hole lousy first shot into the water, great 3rd tee to 5 feet and a wonderful retarded putt that misses for bogey. 4th hole great 6 iron recovery from the woods for regulation and three putted AGAIN. 5th hole, a booming drive that left me around 170m to green on a par 5 and instead of hitting a six iron, I opted my 7 wood which hooked into the water. HELLO!!

5) By far the worst was the 6th hole. I ended up in the woods with a very tiny opening which I hit my 3 wood second shot, probably the best 3 wood I hit. It landed around 10 meters from the green, but required a flop shot, which I deftly executed with the best 60 degree shot I’ve hit in my life to 3 feet from the hole. Birdie? Nope. 2 putt. From 3 feet. HELLO?!?!

6) After that, the entire will to live on left me and I just plugged around the final 3 holes with double bogeys on each, without any more resistance to the cruelty of crap shots after crap shots in my game.

I suppose the take away is this – that I *can* hit some amazingly super shots in my golf, but continuously following up with some of the most stupid shots immediately after. I suppose there’s still some positive there.

Hack ON!

Ramadan Golf Promotions

UPDATE: Managed to get some vouchers for A Famosa Golf Club: RM20 per person for 18 hole green fee! 1 Flight = RM100. I’ve got extra available, so let me know at if you’re interested, just RM20. Terms and Conditions as listed below. VALID UNTIL 31 DECEMBER 2011!

Typical of Malaysian service, there are hidden costs NOT advertised on the voucher. Here’s the breakdown for gilagolfers using this voucher to play in A Famosa Weekdays and Weekends (Gilagolf makes 0 profit on this, I assure you):

1) Weekdays

RM20 for voucher + RM77 for Buggy, Insurance and 1 Caddie = RM97

Normal Promotion Rate Weekdays: RM135

Savings: RM38.00 per person, RM152 per flight.

2) WeekEnds

RM20 for voucher + RM80 ‘weekend’ surcharge + RM69* for Buggy, Insurance and 1 Caddie = RM169

(*RM98 for buggy twin sharing + insurance, RM40 for caddy per buggy, so RM138 divided by 2 people=RM69)

Normal Promotion Rate Weekends: RM220

Savings: RM51.00 per person, RM204 per flight.

You still get reasonable savings but not as great as the marketing people would have you think. Email me for those interested, I have a bunch left.


Gilagolf wishes all our muslim readers and gilagolfers “Selamat Berpuasa” and “Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadan”. I always think it’s a little hypocritical to say that and yet, silently enjoy all the golf promotions and cheap rates we non-muslims get during this month, while my muslim golfing buddies are sidelined…so while this post is going to be a little cruel, I still think it’s pretty amazing for you guys to go through the month without golf. Actually I know one guy who did play golf with me but didn’t drink a drop of water till 7:30 pm…he almost died, I think, but said it was, “Worth it”. True Gilagolfer.

Anyways, for the benefit of my few readers, here are some of the Ramadan (or is it spelled Ramadhan?) Golf Promotions and Packages that I know of, in some of Malaysia’s Golf courses. Feel Free to add in your own or update!

Happy Hacking!


RM105 – Weekdays

Verdict: Glenmarie doesn’t score well on Gilagolf mainly due to the awful discriminative service we experienced there. But maybe there’s a new crop of people there! And at RM105, it’s a GO!


RM85 – Morning(Weekday)

RM88 – Afternoon (Weekday)

RM130 – Morning (Weekend)

RM133 – Afternoon (Weekend)

Verdict: Go For it! It’s Staffield! Weekend rates are a little steep. These fees are not inclusive of Caddies, which in my opinion suck in Staffield. Also, don’t mention a thing about their lousy service. But for Golf only: GO weekdays!


RM110 with Ramadhan Buffet (Weekdays)

Verdict: It’s pretty worth it to play weekdays (weekends shoots up to 210++). And I think there’s night golfing as well, no? Maybe Go.

Impian Golf

Weekday 730 – 830 – RM98. After 830 – RM145

Weekday Afternoon – RM115

Weekend 830-915 – RM140

Weekend Afternoon RM155

Sunday Afternoon – RM90

Verdict: Sunday afternoon has always been a good price, and weekday rates are great too…but beware of hidden costs, like crap caddies. Maybe Go.

Bangi Golf

All the same price except we get RM30 food voucher. Hmm. No big deal. The Sunday promo RM100 still remains, but might as well play somewhere else for Ramadhan. NO GO.


Weekday Monday and Tuesday – RM70 (morning)

Wed and Thurs – RM119 (morning)

Verdict: Not that great since one of the championship nines are closed Monday and Tuesday for maintenance. NO GO.

Seri Selangor

Weekdays – RM75

Weekend (Saturday Wholeday, Sunday Morning) – RM40 per person (need full flight)

I was right, too good to be true. Weekend, SS has come up with some convoluted pricing structure that’s not worth your time to figure out. It’s about RM130++ per person.

Verdict: I might be hearing it wrong but RM40 is ridiculously cheap for Saturday morning but that was what I was told. GO! (Only weekdays)


Monday – RM60

Tuesday to Friday – RM70

Weekends Saturday – RM110 Morning, RM60 Afternoon

Weekends Sunday- RM110 Morning, RM70 Afternoon

Verdict: Great promotion here. GO!

Perangsang Golf

Weekdays – RM49

Weekends – RM90 (Sat and Sunday)

Verdict: Weekdays is very cheap. Weekends, you can probably search for better courses out there. GO! (weekdays)

Kajang Hill Golf

RM412 for weekdays (No Promotion)

Verdict: RM103 per person is the normal weekday price. I called up the club and asked for any promotion and was slammed with an emphatic NO! from a very rude lady. Kajang Hill is always what it is, a very mediocre golf course pretending to be a good one. Nice service too for cutt-throats. Kajang Hill sucks. NO GO!



Other Weekdays: RM75

Weekend: RM135 (morning), RM90 (Afternoon)

Verdict: All promotions come with a RM15 food voucher, so basically you’re paying RM15 less for the golf, which is great. GO!

Nilai Springs

Weekday – RM68

Weekend – RM150 (Morning), RM110 (Afternoon)

Verdict: Nilai is pretty nice but the weekend rates aren’t that good. Weekdays is ok, so it’s a GO!

Monterez Golf

Weekday – RM57

Weekend – RM96 (Morning) , RM60 (afternoon)

Verdict: Very nice promotion for a narrow course. The Sunday afternoons are especially attractive. It’s a GO!

Awana Golf

Weekday – RM64

Weekends – RM137.50

Verdict: Great Weekday pricing. Weekends are so so. Call to book and make sure course is not being maintained though. GO! (Weekdays)

Beringin Golf

Weekday – RM35

Weekends – RM80 (Morning), RM60 (Afternoon)

Verdict: Beringin has always been attractive in terms of pricing. The only problem is that the journey there feels like going to the centre of the earth. But when all else fails, Beringin is a GO! (for cheapskates like me)

Beruntung Golf

I just thought of putting the mother of all crap course Bukit Beruntung here. Apparently Beruntung feels that doing promotion is unnecessary due to its amazing prestige as the upper echelon of the Mother of all Crap golf course. So no Promo, weekday is RM70, weekend is RM100 as usual. I have to say NO GO, because you ain’t seen crap till you see Beruntung.

Tasik Puteri Golf

Weekday – RM63 (Morning), RM83 (Afternoon)

Weekend – RM113 (Morning), RM88 (12:30 – 1:30), RM103 (After 1:30)

Verdict: Good pricing for Weekdays and a small window of an hour on weekend afternoons that it goes for RM88. I don’t know why. But, by all means, GO!

Danau Golf

Weekday – RM58

Weekends – RM120

Verdict: Danau is a university course that is average or sub-average. With promo price of RM58, it’s probably quite worth it, but RM120 for weekends? That’s stupid. Forget it. Go!(Weekdays)

Templer Park

Weekdays: RM109.20

Weekends: Expensive

Verdict: I somehow think that with the Top Premier voucher, Templer is so much cheaper, and 109 on Weekday even with Promotion is too pricey to pay. I’m cheapskate, so it depends on you. Maybe Go.

Bukit Tinggi Golf (Berjaya Hills)

Weekdays: RM68

Weekends: RM98

Verdict: Bukit Tinggi has always been somewhat of a nightmare to us when we play there, but the promotions are actually pretty attractive. Plus, the weather there is cool! GO!

That’s all I know of. Gilagolfers, if you know of any ramadhan promotions in Malaysia Golf Courses, let me know!

Gilanalysis 20: Seri Selangor


Gross: 98

Net: 78

Verdict: Darn, this course is tough!

What Happened

After a long absence from the most constipated course in history, I came back to hack Seri Selangor and got bloodied and bruised all over again. I started well enough, after a crap drive on the 10th, a hybrid, and stuffed my approach 5 feet from the hole and putted in.

11th hole, I drove amazing, and left me about 3o meters to the green. I proceeded to duff my pitch, three putted for bogey. Same as 12th hole, edge of green, but messed up my chip. Could have started par-par-par. From there, all downhill. Hazard off the tee on the 13th. Lost balls on 14th and 15th. Duffed approach on the 18th into bunker from 90 meters.

The first nine is supposed to be easier, and again I started well on the 1st. From there, crapland. Even in par 5 hole 5, I drove so well I had a six iron into the green. Hit an ok shot to the fringe, and proceeded to mess my chip and two putted!

The rest of the way was cases of lost ball, duffed shots and missed opportunities. Ah, Seri Selangor, how I miss thee.

Why I Sucked

I am migrating back to my old school driver with a stiff shaft. I decided the new regular shaft is really not my type (thanks so much to MST for such a STUPID recommendation. That MST “pro” in the UOA building in KL really really suck, I think he’s actually the ball picker from a driving range and knows crap about golf…and I am even stupider to listen to him! Argh!) With the stiff driver, I was pounding it 10-20 meters longer than normal. It just wouldn’t fly exactly straight and I had quite a fair bit of OBs. So kinda defeat the purpose….but man, pounding a perfect drive on the par 5 5th and the 1st, and the 11th…those are what you live for in golf.

So, direction of driver definitely sucked, but mainly, I was a huge failure in my irons…again.

Not So Sucked

Driver was long today. Except it’s not so good news in Seri Selangor when you go a bit off line, it’s welcome to the jungle. Putter was also doing ok, and Seri Selangor greens are in great condition…meaning…SUPER FAST!

What to Work On

Migrating back to driver for distance. Now, just to get the ball on the fairway!

Rain + Seri Selangor = Absolutely Astoundingly Crap

It’s rare that we do a re-review of a course, but after today’s frustrations at Seri Selangor, here’s the affirmation: Put Seri Selangor in the AAC category if there’s a heavy downpour. Some courses handle downpours magnificently, note Tiara Melaka and to some extent, grudgingly, Rahman Putra. Some handle it not so well but are improving, notably Kinrara and all the work they have been doing in the drainage, and also Perangsang.

Seri Selangor? With a maintenance budget as tight as leotards on Queen Latifah, don’t expect too much to be done. Today, heavy downpour in the morning literally turned the 18th hole par 5 into a river. The embankment overflowed and all the rubbish flowed down into the fairway. We teed off about 1 and a half hour late for our 20 flight tournament, and entered into a course that was neither playable nor fit for anyone except for people who enjoy being perpetually constipated.

I.e Seri Selangor emphatically, most comprehensively SUCK.

And this isn’t because I had a bad game, instead with a shot gun start on the par 5 5th, I played 3 Doubles, 2 Pars and 7 Bogeys before approaching the Par 4 17th. I yanked my tee shot OB after waiting for 15 minutes on the tee, and my second shot was good, smack on the fairway. Maybe a 4 on 2 putt to save double? Fat chance. The whole time our shots have been plugged, but never more than on this hole, when my drive could not be found on the fairway despite 4 flers looking for it, and a caddie to boot. So, took an 8. The fairways were in a sorry condition. Completely atrocious drainage. The bunkers were ALL swimming pools. ALL. It’s absolutely incredible how lousy Seri Selangor maintenance is. With the saving grace being the greens, the rest of the course was so terrible that after 13 holes, i called it quits and headed back…partly also due to the long wait times due to a bunch of lady golfers who think the tournament is Augusta masters and spending 10 minutes each to read the darn greens. Aiyo Auntie, just putt la…no difference la how long you read…our skill level generally means we suck anyway.

Seri Selangor, being a combat course and a ‘homeless’ golfer course, will always have an excuse to be lousy in its drainage maintenance, and will always be able to justify…but I think as golfers who pay money to play on course, some standards need to be met. If Perangsang and Kinrara can improve, why not Seri Selangor. Stop the excuses and start improving, before we cangkul your fairways into smithereens.

Anyway to conclude this rant, 3 Most Annoying things in the world:

1. When you hit a good drive, and the stupid course punishes you for it just because they do not have the basic ability or budget to have good drainage.

2. Aunties who thinks and putts like they are in Augusta Masters, and takes a few years to finish 18 holes.

3. Racist History Channel doing shows about Malaysia, and have subtitles when interviewing Malaysians speaking perfectly comprehensible English, yet, in the next show, when interviewing people from Africa and worse, Ireland, as they speak in a gibberish slang that sounds like Middle Earth Ancient Elven Tongue, they refuse to put any subtitles, because these are ‘Western’ Civilisation.

I don’t know how 3) got there, but it’s one of those things that really annoys me. I can really relate to how this guy feels:


Gilanalysis 10: Seri Selangor


Gross: 97

Net: 77

Verdict: Slow progress…but signs of daylight…

What Happened

For some reason, Seri Selangor always seem to play like a sadistic course. The greens in the back nine was great…very fast, but hey, that’s Seri Selangor greens for you…but the front nine, again they were sanding it. I don’t know why, but it seems to be always under some sort of maintenance or improvement, so the greens sucked. And the rough was holding on to our balls like a pitbull. Some holes, my eight iron was mashed to pieces and could only get the ball to trickle like, hmm, 20 metres?

But a lot of the screw ups were mainly self inflicted. The easy 11th, I decided to tee up with my 3-wood for safety. Note to hackers: Tee off with 3-wood is BAD ADVICE. Because of our retarded swing, it makes no difference, we’re still going to skull it, thin it, toe it etc and the only difference from the driver is how far it goes. This time, I toed it and it skittered to the right rough. Deep rough. 8 iron advanced it only as far as the tree. Another 6 iron punch into the bunker. 4th and 5th shot to get out. 6th putt missed and settle for triple on the easiest hole!

I did make up for it by negotiating the treacherous 16th with a booming drive and a 9 iron in . Chip, putt for par. Same thing on 17th, except approached it with my hybrid and chip, one putt for par.

Front nine was disastrous. The easy 8th par 3 was stupidly hit into the trees on the right…and lost it! 3rd shot skittered down to the left, one chip and two putted my way to a triple.

The only pars on the nine coming in was the index 3, that needed a good drive, and a disciplined 7 iron. The last hole, another good drive, and an 8-iron to 6 feet (which I missed of course).

Why I Sucked

I think my drive was ok, except in Seri Selangor there is no getting out of jail. Some good drives kicked into the trees etc and chances to get out is as slim as Kate Moss on a 40-day fast. But I am trying my darnest to stop my propensity to dig. I messed up a few well placed shot by cangkuling the ground into pieces. Stop the landscape business and I will get better.

Not So Sucked

Driver was hot and cold. My misses now veers to the left because I strengthened my right hand least I think that is the reason…my golf IQ is only slightly higher than an iguana’s. But a few booming drives helped me stick par in the Index 2,3 and 4 hole, something I have never achieved before in Seri Selangor. On those holes, my irons worked. I also switched my blade putter back to a mallet putter to handle the devilish greens better.

What to Work On

Aside from my landscaping business, my pitching was atrocious. On the fourth hole, I managed to amazingly skull my 3rd shot pitch from 20 metres away from the green, into the jungle behind and lost ball. Also on the par 5 18th, 30 metres from the green, my third shot plonked into the bunker face, and took me 2 to get out. Fix the pitching and stop the changkuling!

Gilanalysis 1: Seri Selangor

Due to the fact that I hardly get to play on any new courses these days (save for our recent Johor bout), I’ve decided to have more frequent (and shorter) updates into this ever frustrating battle with this wretched game of golf.

I call this Gilanalysis. It’s quite a smart wordplay, isn’t it?

Anyways, it’s basically a run down on the recent games (recent could be as far back as my memory would allow), in these courses, and how I managed to screw it all up and how I manage to improve.

If this proves interesting enough, I’ll put in more as I try to find more time to play.

So first up, Seri Selangor, a game I managed to slip in due to the new year slow down everywhere else.


Gross: 99


Verdict: You know why now they call it gross score? Most of the time, it’s darn gross!

What happened

Under overcast skies and a marathon rain that began at 5 in the morning, it was the worst possible weather to play golf, but we were cautiously optimistic that the greens would perhaps be slowed down by the rain. Not that it made much difference to hackers like us. Seri Selangor would always be a tough cookie and we actually wanted to play at an easier course like Kinrara to start the year. But it was just a half day session and we all had to go to work and you know….

Seri Selangor was ok, but the greens were being sanded, so be warned. It sucked in roll and consistency, and being the great putters we are, we all struggled on the sandy greens.

I actually had a good start. From 1, I landed on the left bunkers and my eight iron found the fringe. Unfortunately, I had a bad bad chip and two putted to start. The index 1 was horrible. Drove in the woods, got to the green in 4 strokes, two putt. Next hole, water. Another mistake at hole 5 where after a good drive, I laid up badly and stuck my 7 iron into water on the left.

First par of the year came at the difficult 7 where I hooked left, and it hit a tree and bounced onto the rough, and I only had about a 9 iron. I hooked my 9 iron, one chip one putt. The rest from here was pretty routine. The dogleg 10 was a tough one, where I managed to weasel a par with my hybrid from 160 uphill green.

Par 3 12? Oh yeah, hooked the ball into the small drain on the left, dropped and double bogeyed. At this point, I was playing my par 3s 5 over, and would play it +7 at the end of the day. I really suck at my irons.

14 onwards and it all unravelled. Duffed chip. Hole 15, shank (with my hybrid) into OB. 16, three putted after 3 on. 17th, lost ball off the drive. 18th, drive into the hazard on the left.

I played the last 5 holes at +12, and lost a lot of money. Happy New Year.

Why I sucked

Easy. My 7 irons onwards were terrible. I kept hooking it and when I didn’t I duffed it. I also had a hard time driving on the last few holes. I wasnt confident enough to stick with 5-wood or 3 off the tee, and the driver kept killing me. And of course, my hybrid shanked. Actually, it wasn’t a shank, it was a toe. But the result was the same, ball skittering to the right, into OB land. Why am I toeing it? Too narrow takeaway?

Not so sucked

Driving was pretty good. Even if I just hit 3 fairways, but I felt confident and I was at least hitting it centre consistently. To the ones who had played with me, I was awful the past few months, because I kept toeing it. Now, it’s centred, but long doesn’t necessarily mean good in Seri Selangor and especially if your irons are crap.

My putter rocked in the front 9, but putted like a dog in the last holes. Maybe I’m just not a good gambler. But I feel pretty comfortable with the putter in hand. Go Odyssey!

What to work on

Obviously, irons. And also, a bit of the driver. And my lousy pitches. I pitch like a retarded mongoose. Anything 50 meters in, and I would prefer to putt. Seriously. Any advice to a hooker and a lousy pitcher?

Seri Selangor Golf Club


Every golfer in Malaysia knows Seri Selangor. It doesn’t matter even if you’re not from Selangor, you just kinda know it, the same reason how a beginner golfer knows his drive will slice but have no way to figure out how to fix the dang thing. Likewise, knowing Seri Selangor is one thing. Playing it is altogether another beast.

It’s not easy. Or at least, my past recollection of it consist of bloated scores the size of a kangaroo giving birth: 96,98,100, on a course measuring about 6300 meters. The thing about Seri Selangor is this: it’s laid out like Monterez but has unforgiveness like Bukit Unggul. Really. I’ll be frank. Monterez’s experience is like driving your car in a cramp parking space, requiring lots of precision and accuracy. You go off line, and you’re in the rough, or in another fairway, or somebody’s tee. In Seri Selangor, you’re either in the jungle, in the jungle or wait, did that ball make it….nope, it’s in the jungle.

So to Seri Selangor we go, advertised as home to the homeless golfer. Or more appropriately, home to the golfers who enjoy torturing themselves and sitting in a hot stove for long periods of time.

Travel (5/5)

I’m going to give it a 5 here. Nothing beats a course with easy accessibility. OK, frankly, I’ll be honest, it depends on the time. You wake up at 5 am, you go anywhere, it’s a breeze, because the entire Malaysian population gets up at 7 am and hits the road approximately at 7:15am. Also, if you’re headed during weekends, hey, it’s a breeze. I’ll warn you though: The jam can be pretty bad if you’re headed there during peak hours. Afternoon flights during weekends is dangerous, and we recommend the journey using the old Tropicana ‘tunnel’ road. I.e head towards Damansara Toll, take the left to Tropicana before the toll, follow the road all the way. You will pass Tropicana (and you will sigh, wishing you are playing there instead), head straight till you hit a traffic light. Go straight, and about 1.5 KM there is a right turning going to Seri Selangor.

An alternative is to head towards Ikea/Ikano, past One Utama. Take the Ikea turnoff and go straight all the way. You pass through Mutiara Damansara and you will soon hit a cross junction traffic lights where you turn left, and voila you are there. Unless you are a sadist who loves Traffic Jams, please avoid all attempt to use this road during Saturday or Sunday noon time. It is jammed beyond recognition.


Price (3/5)

We played on a weekday and I still ended up paying almost RM75 for Seri Selangor. It’s 60 for the game and buggy and all that; but they force you to take a caddie, so we need to split about RM30 for the caddie, plus the nonsensical culture of tipping the same caddie. I really must go to the caddie union and ask them about this tipping concept. Malaysians are stingy by nature. Malaysian Golfers are even worse. We will mentally calculate how the exchange rate, how bursa is doing, what furniture we need to buy for our homes, how much petrol cost, how much insurance premium, how much tax, how much bonus etc etc and we collectively agree that any sum more than 2 ringgit 40 sen is way too much to tip.

Yet, we still have to fake our generosity and give. Hey, I’m gonna lose a dozen balls on your course, so tell me again why do I need to give you anything?

So overall, it’s a mid range price but we forgive it a little because it’s close by, and it is very humble in advertising itself as the home for homeless golfers. Shouldn’t food be free like the Salvation Army for homeless golfers too?

First thoughts

We had two groups to tee off, and its automatically fun. I believe the more people you know , the more fun you derive from golf. That’s why when I play a course alone, I feel like stabbing myself with the scorecard pencil-incidentally, have you ever wondered how much money the company that produce the score card pencil makes?-but when there is a group or 2 groups, man the fun factor goes up.

So anyways, there were some slight improvement in my swing, I was coming into Seri Selangor pretty confident on the back of scores of 91,91,91,86 for my first 4 games in 2008. My first drive was a thing of splendour and rarity; a straight shot down the left side of the fairway, about 260 meters, leaving me about 90 to a 350m green. I parred the first hole and reconsidered my options. Parring the first hole generally means two things: either you’re in it for a great game, or your game decides to close shop for the day and you play like a walnut in a nutcracker. For some mysterious reasons, I NEVER take the first option. This is as mysterious as the concept of caddie tiping. I double bogeyed 5 of the next 7 holes after that. Bolocks!

Service (2/5)

Frankly, the caddie sucked. Sorry, usually even lousy caddies, like the one in Impian, give a show of interest in the games of the players. Seri Selangor caddies, for some reason, really, really are disappointing. Here’s why:

1) The one we got is flat out lazy. I don’t know whether I should poke her with a electric baton or not. Observe this in the future: A good caddie who takes care of 4 people in a flight should ALWAYS attach him/herself to the poorest player. It makes sense. If your primary job scope is to look for balls, the beginner who slices into the foliage obviously requires help. Why do you insist of staying in the buggy of the better player (I am so proud to say I am the better player…relatively speaking of course, I still suck) and make a show of cleaning his clubs?

Caddie=LOOK FOR BALLS. Cleaning clubs come later. It’s a secondary job scope. Now get into that jungle and search, darn it!!!

2) A lazy caddie also doesn’t offer any advice but concurs with everything you say. Is this uphill? Ah, betul la. Is this break left? Ah betul, la. Is this slow, fast? Ah, sikit laju la. Do you want me to strangle you with my ball towel? Ok la.

3) A lazy caddie is also the last to get out of the buggy, and it’s like we hired some molasses. Frankly I have no idea what the dickens is a molass, but it sounds like a slow creature, so like molass, these caddies drift in and out of the course in a world of their own.

4) Finally, take your tip and say thank you. My other flight was given the angry look from their caddy when they tipped her 30 RM. She refused to take the bags from the buggy and just walked off, believing she’s entitled to more. Ever watched A Few Good Men and the part where Jack Nicholson says to Tom Cruise? If it was me, I would have said this:

“Caddy, we live in a world that has courses, and those courses have to be played by men with clubs. Whose gonna do it? You? You, caddy in the other buggy? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for your tip, and you curse the golfers. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That our slices and hooks into the jungle, while tragic, probably saved the fairway conditions. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves the course conditions. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at the clubhouse, you want me on that course, you need me on that course. We use words like OB, free drops, FORE. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent mishiting balls. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a caddy who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very registration fee that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a 7 iron, and play a course. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!”

At this point, the caddy would ask us: “Did you give me only 30 ringgit?”

“I played the course…”

“Did you give me only 30 ringgit??!” she shrieks.

“You’re goddamn right I did!!”


And at this point the course marshals come and tells us to get off the course and never to come back to Seri Selangor again..

I give points to Seri Selangor, despite their caddies, for the quickness in which they gave me my Mee Mamak (I was in a rush). It took them only like 5 minutes, although it taste like rubber, it’s still very considerate of them to bump me up the queue.

Fairways (1/5)

There’s something very eerie about the fairway in Seri Selangor. From the tee box, you see a reasonably nice and green fairway enticing you to hit it. One thing about Seri Selangor that makes it the mother of all narrow courses, joining Monterez, Nilai Springs and Nameless course in Seremban as the Frightful Four (don’t you love these comic books names?). All the other courses has weaknesses to exploit, like Superman has kryptonite, Batman has Robin and Spiderman has Mary Jane. Monterez is short, the Par 3s are the frightful monsters but the par 5s can be reached for eagle; you can take a 5 wood to navigate it. Seremban 3, on a good weather, can play easier, we nearly died due to heat exhaustion and of course, Nilai Springs can be cut down with fairway hits and precise shots.

Seri Selangor, playing at 6266m is one of the longest courses we’ve played and the elevation on their par 4s don’t help much as well. The 10th hole is like threading needle to a pin and the 11th is likewise demanding. If you play safe with 3/5 wood, you have a far approach shot. If you bash it with your driver, your ball runs away into the forest as happened to me a few times.

And the fairway is sandy. The 17th played like a pile of dirt. The 18th is a dangerous Par 5 that can be reached in 2 but requires a good second shot that most likely ends up in the drink guarding the green.

For the other fairways that doesn’t look like they are sandy, they are. They have a very thin turf of grass on top, making you think you can take a nice divot. Once you hit it, your club slides under the sand and you end up lofting your silly ball 10 feet away. It’s deceiving so it’s paramount that you hit the ball first and not take a divot before. Play it like you’re playing from a sandtrap. For those of you who are thinking, “Sure, you’re supposed to do that anyway…”, well go to another review site for single handicappers and wise guys. This review is for the general hacker who struggles hitting the ball before the ground…viva le hackers!

Greens (4/5)

Ok, the greens. I HATE the greens. Hate it. Speed is about 8-9 on the dry day we played and it feels like we’re playing at Augusta, minus a million times the experience. What I’m saying is, we three putted, four putted our way into infamy. The greens were like rock. Granite rock. The last straw came on a par 4, where a perfect drive, and a perfect approach was stolen from me. I saw the ball hit the green and took such an amazing bounce, I couldn’t believe it. It was like I hit the buggy track! It went into the rough and we looked and looked and couple lousy rough with lousy caddie with lousy eyesight, I lost the DARN ball! And it was my titleist pro-V1x! Curse you, Seri Selangor!

Why am I still giving a 4? Well, it doesn’t mean that I hate it, it automatically gets a 0. I’m just saying the greens are darn tough. But at least they are consistent, well maintained and played slick. It offers a new experience than the easier greens that grab your balls and holds on to it. Golf balls, that is, what are you thinking? Goodness.

Rough (2/5)

The lost ball episode isn’t the fault of the greens which are played fast; the lost ball is due to the stupid rough. It’s muddy at places and leaves strewn around makes it extremely difficult to go around searching for a tiny white ball. I don’t see much maintenance on the rough, they like to advertise it as natural jungle and foliage but it’s just an excuse for them not to maintain it. Bunkers are only reasonably better.

Aesthetics (2/5)

Anyone who thinks Seri Selangor looks really good is like a village boy who never goes out to the other villages and other towns to see other girls. So he thinks the village maid in his village is the fairest of them all, even though she resembles a horse and is actually a man. No golfers in their sane mind would go, “Wow, Seri Selangor is such a beautiful course.” You most probably will get the resigned response: “Wah, damn hard la…” It’s something like UPM, not as woody though and offers some parallel fairways but with lesser elevation options. It’s just not beautiful, what can I say?

Fun Factor (3/5)

Of all review factors, I must say this one is the most subjective. I admit I was ready to destroy this course and never to step foot on it ever again when I lost my ball that landed on the green. It was that frustrating. I mean, I’m usually calm about these things but try to think of this: you hit a great shot and everyone sees you hit a great shot and when you walk up to the green, it ain’t there…you’ll flip!!

But golf is played over 18 holes. On the 9th hole, my drive flushed down the fairway almost 280 meters (well you count, it’s 390 m hole and I was a few meters way from the 100m marker). With my approach wedge, I hit to the right side of the green, opting not to challenge the bunker and the flag on the left. Actually, I have no idea about that, I just hit it, so it looks good that it looks like I intentionally hit the ‘fat’ side of the green. Cheh, wah, like real. Anyhoos, I saw the ball trickle left towards the flag but lost sight of it due to a mound that covered the hole from where I was. Another flightmate had hit on the green. As I approached the green, I saw one ball at the top of a rather steep contour that funneled down to the hole. I remember thinking, “How the heck did my ball stay up?”

I nearly marked that ball as mine then realize that it was my flight mate’s. So where the devil is my ball?!? Don’t tell me it rolled off into the blasted rough again! I was already in a tomahawk position with my wedge, and I plan to dig up the green in frustration.

Then I walked to the hole.

You know how in some par 3s you walk to the hole and you sort of tiptoe and peek into it instead of walking right up to it? It’s hope against hope that your ball is in there and it never is.

Imagine my reaction when I saw the beautiful logo of MAXFLI staring shyly back up at me from the hole. I’d imagine looking at my future baby when she comes out of my wife in the same manner (I obviously have not experience fatherhood, but please let me stay delusional). I shouted, screamed, whooped, did an Apache war dance around the green and pranced like an idiot calling down rain. It was like a ceremony. A 2 on a par 4! My third EAGLE, and my best!!

Strangely, my game improved after that and I played the back 9 at 7 over and broke 90 the first time on this course. What a difference an eagle makes.


Although it’s a course where people routinely curse and promise never to return, it has two pull factor: it’s easily accessible, and it’s a challenging course. I’ll be frank here, I don’t like Seri Selangor, never did. It never suited whatever miniscule amount of game I had. But you can’t fault the course. So if I were to detach my personal preference from the review, I’d say this is a course recommended. It has a superb location, reasonable pricing and a great , great 9th hole memory for me.

The good: Super accessibility; greens are slick and challenging; food is fast; price is reasonable; good training course for course management.

The bad: Crap rough and equally crap fairways; lousy and lazy caddies; not much of a looker; might be a wee bit long for the high handicap hacker

The skinny: 22 of 40 divots (55%). Due to its accessibility, it’s a recommended course, but make sure you bring lots of balls to tackle the toughest of the Frightful Four.

Seri Selangor Score Card


Seri Selangor Information


Persiaran Damansara Indah,
Off Persiaran Tropicana, Kota Damansara
Petaling Jaya 47410 Selangor

Contact: +603-78061111 / 1666

Fax: +603-78061777