Caddie-Gate and The World of Ingrates

I just thought, on the eve of the final major of 2011, on the eve of the final event where Tiger needs to get it done or go home for the season: that there are so many more compelling storylines than the one that’s hogging the show right now. Not to say the least about the lousy economy or the bashing the stock market has taken over the weeks; we’ll focus solely on golf.

Golf. That’s right. When has it become the circus that it is?

They call it Caddie-Gate. They call out Tiger for being a lousy employer. They bring to attention Tiger who has not changed, who is still the arrogant prick before and after the hydrant incident in November 2009. So he fired his Caddie. The caddie who has been ‘loyal’ to him all these years, his best friend, his old buddy, his wing man. What kind of sick, mentally challenged idiot would do that? What’s wrong with you, Tiger?

Here’s what’s wrong. Nothing.

Steve Williams showed the world who the real villain was in his post round interview after winning in Firestone with Adam Scott (that is such an ironic story line), saying that the win was the best week he had in life. Are you serious?

What about winning all the majors with Tiger?

What about getting married (well, he divorced but he wouldn’t have known that when he got married, right?)

Or just for sakes, how about saying the charitable foundation he started out for underprivileged kids as the best week of your life?

Steve Williams earned in excess of $10 Million during his time with Tiger. For carrying a bag. And throwing cameras and photographers into the lake. I mean, seriously, $10 Million USD? And he’s pissed off with the guy that helped made him that? He was caddying for Raymond Floyd before this gig with Tiger…he would be making probably US40,000 over the same period of years.

Steve was sacked by Greg Norman too in his prime. Greg went on to win 12 more PGA tour events including the Open championship over 8 years. It was believed Steve got ‘too close’ to Greg. Read: He was probably giving too many opinions to Greg and scolding him for fluffing the chip shot etc, like what the KGNS caddies do to us. I mean, who’d like playing with a clown like that?

I have a feeling that Steve Williams could have been grumbling too much with Tiger, as Tiger recuperated and got well. I mean, so he hasn’t won in 2 years. You’ve got USD10 Million for your troubles and you blast him over the media like he owes you something? Seriously. Steve is a great caddy. But that’s all there is. He ain’t the guy swinging the club. Tiger is.

And Tiger has given him there was, and if there’s a time for change, then take it and move on. I mean, it’s not as if Tiger didn’t pay him or whatever. WHO CARES if it’s an SMS or face to face etc? What sort of planet of emotional metrosexual idiots are we now living in? Why does Steve thinks he’s entitled to some privilege from Tiger? Is it because he got replaced by a caddy who resembles Snow White, without the puffy shoulder pads and laced skirts, and 7 strange old men looking at her sleeping?

In the perfect world, Tiger would have just replied: “Steve, I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the millions that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said “Thank you,” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a 7-iron, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!”

Ah, Colonel Nathan Jessep, everyone’s favourite character.

img_fewgoodmen.jpg

In conclusion: Tiger took the higher road. He didn’t blast Steve over the media. In fact, he even said he texted Steve after Adam Scott won, and congratulated him. Even if he DID NOT do it, the fact that he said it, it’s like pulling out 4 wisdom teeth at once for Tiger. With a rusted plier. But Tiger did it, because he was grateful for Steve’s service over the years. Unfortunately, Steve, the ingrate, is just interested in pulling down his golden goose. Tiger made the right choice. With a character like Steve Williams, who is so used to winning and only interested in winning: during a time of rehab, Tiger needs a change. Less expectations. Less loud mouthed opinions. He needs to find his zen again before killing everyone in the course like he used to do.

I hope it starts this week.

Gilanalysis 25: Staffield

Handicap:20

Gross: 99

Net: 79

Verdict: Pulling all the way into OB….

Handicap:20

Gross: 87

Net: 67

Verdict: Once the driver is sorted, everything works!

What Happened

Staffield has always been somewhat of a favourite to us. But after a horrendous customer service experience (see the reviewed write up here), we’re doubtful if we should ever return here. In fact, Staffield has been relegated from a Must Play course to a Not Too shabby, in the only measurement system that makes sense to all golfers: The GilaChart.

The course remains an excellent golf course, no doubt, but that doesn’t give the golf management a reason to treat their customers only slightly better than a pile of dog crap, and slightly lower than how you’d treat mosquitoes. To justify them, only the golf manager sucks actually, the rest of the service blokes are OK.

The first game was not as bad as it seems. My first triple was due to 2 duffed chip, possibly due to morning jitters and lack of breakfast. The two double bogeys came from bad 3 putts. Staffield’s greens remain enigmatic as ever. It’s in good condition, but the breaks and the undulation, as well as the speed really just gets the best of us. The caddy says 8.5 on the stimp, but I doubt she realises what that means at all. Greens were FAST!! I don’t know how 8.5 is supposed to roll but I always thought it was slow, because KRPM plays to about 8 and it’s as slow as traffic in Tun Razak at 5 pm during Ramadhan month.

The back nine first game was where everything collapsed. Triple on the 11th due to pulling into the water. From 13 to 17, a stretch of five holes, I pulled almost every tee shot, especially with the driver, and each pull landed me either behind trees, hazards, or OB, water. By the time I reached the green, I was four on, five on, flustered, red with rage and obviously about to tomahawk my new driver into the grave. The worst was the awesome 16th, marked as 160meters, but ridiculously under measured by Staffield. We each used 3 wood, and only one managed to clear the bunkers and on. I plopped mine, yet again into water. Staffield, that hole plays 180 or more. No way it’s 160!

The only good thing came on the last, when I hit a 3 wood from the fairway to 5 meters of the green, putted and almost sank in for eagle.

And once all the lessons were learnt, the second game, driving went from being as curly as Rory’s hair to straight as an arrow on the back nine, as I shot 42, an improvement of a massive 9 shots on my back nine. I played the 87 to a thoroughly enjoyable golf, hitting irons in, and birdieing the 5th from the fairway bunker. The final hole was a replica, my 3 wood about 8 – 10 metres away and barely missing the 4 foot birdie putt. Argh!

But overall, except for memories of lousy golf manager in Staffield, it was the best golf I’ve played in a long time.

Why I Sucked

Easy. The first game, the new Hibore XLS was pulling all the way. Couldn’t figure it out, until the last hole, when it all clicked. I was addressing it too closed and grip too strong, because the S9-1 was a slicer, so I had to compensate for the slice with these. Hi-Bore XLS is draw biased all the way, so after neutraling the face and going easier on the grip, balls started booming straight and long. My mind still plays tricks on me occasionally expecting the ball to curve left to right, but the driver did its job, 9 fairways, 6 GIRs.

Putter was hot and cold. I missed a lot of putts within 5 feet, but managed to also hit long putts here and there, like the 8 foot curler for birdie on the 5th.

Not So Sucked

The new driver sucked at first, but started becoming my best pal by the time I was done.

What to Work On

Really exciting to work with the new driver, looking forward to the next game! Hacking time!

Gilanalysis 24: Rahman Putra Lakes

Handicap:20

Gross: 93

Net: 73

Verdict: Finally, a good round at KRPM!

What Happened

The new swing has been coming together over the weeks…I’m a lot more confident hitting my 3 wood off the deck and hitting my driver. I now carry 2 drivers: my S9-1 Cobra for accuracy, and my old Hi Bore when I need to blast it. Kinda works. Kinda. But better to get a driver that does both, right? Great excuse to go shopping.

Anyways, remember those times when we see Tiger play horribly with his new swing and yet he keeps saying, “I am almost there, I feel good etc” and we think he’s on weed or something since he keeps shanking the ball? Now I get it…you can have a not so good score (like today) but yet know that you’ve played well and except for a few brain farts or stupid stunts you wanted to pull because no wager was on the table.

First nine was pretty controlled. Double bogey on 2nd was with a way ward pull, and on the 4th, I drove the ball and it reached the water again by bouncing off the cart path! So I 3 to the fringe, four on and two putted. The other double bogey was on the tough index 1 when I hooked into the woods.

Back nine, again, I drove the ravine and failed to clear. But after 3 pars straight, the game kinda collapsed a little with triple on the tough 14th–I pushed into the trees and couldn’t escape alive–and the easy 15th, after dunking my ball into the water and 3 putting like an idiot.

The last 3 holes were the toughest, and I hit a drive that again hit the cart path but this time ended up 110 metres from the hole, which I proceeded to fat my pitching and waste a good chance to par the tough hole. 17th was just a stupid mess, because lying 220m I just tried my luck with my 3 wood to clear the water, about 190 – 200 to clear. I can do that about 1 out of 300 times probably….and today wasn’t the time. Normally I would have laid up but what the heck, I only play so often without a wager, so lets try the impossible. I still escaped with a double so it was ok I guess.

Last hole, I actually lost my first ball with a slice with my Hi Bore. Bye Bye HiBore, no more use for you then! My third off the tee with my cobra was fine, then hit a pure 3 wood to 80 metres from the hole. And a so-so sand wedge to about 25 feet, on one of the toughest contoured greens in KRPM. From the top tier, I watch my putt roll, hit the hump and curled all the way in for the one of the finest feeling in life….a long, curling putt on a multi tiered green. Ah.

Why I Sucked

Probably I was half-serious but that’s a bad excuse. If I hadn’t tried some stupid stunts, I would have probably scored better. But the driver was working fine…my KPI these days is to hit 50% fairways and 5 or more GIRs. My putter was hot, so the only issues were my iron plays again that sucked. Definitely not Iron Man.

Not So Sucked

Putter hot. Driver S9-1 was hot. Hi Bore was unfortunately crap. Time to get the One Driver to rule them all.

What to Work On

Waiting for the new driver to arrive. Should be fun!

Gilanalysis 23: Rahman Putra Lakes

Handicap:20

Gross: 97

Net: 77

Verdict: Getting there, could have been a lot better

What Happened

So, armed with a new swing, and two drivers now instead of one, I tried a round at my old friend KRPM Lakes….and although the result seems crappy, it was actually a good bad round if there is such a thing. Teeing up the back nine, my drive almost crossed the ravine. Drop for 3, stuck a 3 wood to the fringe, duff a chip and two putted. On the easy 11th, took out a driver and hit it so hard it went into the lake at 220m. Drop for 3, 4 on two putt. 12th, pulled my six, duffed another chip and 3 on two putted. On the easy par 4 13th, it’s easier now, with the huge tree chopped down, opening up the tee shot immensely. By habit, we all hit our ball right nevertheless. I had a good lie, in the rough, but jammed my wedge shot twice into the tree, and four on two putted.

So without actually hitting a bad drive, I managed to double bogey the first four holes! The last three holes are traditionally the toughest, and played that way, en route to a 51 on the front. Thanks to some really stupid 3-wood shots. However, I played a lot better on the back and didn’t mess up until the last hole, when I sliced my second shot hybrid to the bushes on the right and couldn’t get up and down. Otherwise, believe it or not, I was driving solid. It’s just too short to tackle Rahman Putra.

I’ll probably need to look for a replacement driver that is accurate and long. Ebay, here I come!

Why I Sucked

Chipping and pitching was off and on. Weirdly, the two pars I got was from my PW pitches. But countless duffs and tops is really annoying the heck out of my game.

Also, I changed putters again, and obviously didn’t work very well especially my front nine.

And the 3-wood, for some reason killed me, as I topped several shots especially on the closing holes on the front nine.

Not So Sucked

Driver. Or rather, Drivers. Like the tubby Phil Mickleson, I have now jammed two drivers into my bag. The Cobra with the whippy shaft cheated to me by that unprofessional MST guy, and me being the bigger idiot to listen to MST salesman–and my ancient HiBore…which honestly is so long, it’s ridiculous. It just can’t fly straight and the sweet spot is so tiny! The Cobra flies with a fade and reaches the upper stratosphere, and pops down with almost no roll, about 200m or less, but it’s straight.

What to Work On

Chipping and pitching, and stop being such a epileptic chimpanzee 50 meters into the green.

Gilanalysis 22: Tiara Melaka – Woodlands + Lake

Handicap:20

Gross: 90

Net: 70

Verdict: Finally, a good round put together!

What Happened

Tiara Melaka has always been somewhat of a good hunting ground. There are just certain golf courses that ‘fits’ the eye, and this particular one is. We teed off from the Lakes and immediately, the comfort level was evident. While in Orna I was hitting 10 of 14 fairways, but still found hybrids and long irons into the green, the shorter holes in Tiara Melaka allowed a lot of mid to short irons into the greens, and made a huge difference. I hit half the fairways, but those I missed, were generally still ok, as evidenced by 9 of 18 GIRs, possibly my highest ever. Unfortunately, I three putted two of the GIRs, if not, it would have been an even better score.

Possibly the best shot I’ve hit is at the Index 4 Par 4 11th, to a highly inaccessible tabletop green, elevated from the fairway. I carved a six iron that drew in, and stuffed to 8 feet of the cup. I missed the birdie but that was the best shot I’ve hit in a long long while. Please allow me to brag as I will probably never get another chance to do so. Thanks.

Does anyone notice the par 3 16th at lakes is a carbon copy of the famous par 3 12th at the Augusta? It’s almost the same, with flowerbeds past the green, and a sloping bunker behind, water in front, two towering trees standing guard to the side. I just noticed it. I think it’s cool that Tiara has a little Augusta in it and Orna has a little TPC Sawgrass in it’s par 3 12th. Good work, Melaka Golf!

The only mistake on the front was when I deposited my tee shot into the drink on the 17th. I couldn’t scramble and collapsed to a triple, and lost the game wager there.

Back nine, on the much more difficult Woodlands, I started with a Birdie-Par to give me visions of breaking 80 for the first time. But the horrendous third did me in as I OB-ed my drive, dunked my third into the water, stuffed in my fifth and two putted for triple. After that, it was simply survival mode golf again and my pars all ran out. Woodlands is a lot tougher and reminiscent to the Ayer Keroh holes, surrounded by scary jungle and ball eating roughs. The awesome par 5 4th , index 1, at 506m seemed never ending, as it played uphill all the way, adding at least 50m to it’s difficulty.

Still, pretty promising results to recent swing changes, at least hitting a lot more fairways now.

Why I Sucked

I think it’s one of the better games I’ve played, despite not breaking 90. The back nine was just a few mistakes here and there, bad putting, but overall, the 3-wood and driver came together. Chipping remains an issue, as I’m actually waiting for the return of my beloved 48 degree and 60 degree which I left behind in Permaipura, and I’m currently using a heavy 60 degree Cleveland and my normal PW for chipping. I’m not very good at the first place, and now suck even worse.

Short irons was way better now…the birdie on the 1st came from a SW from the rough, stuffed to 5 feet of the hole.

Not So Sucked

Driver and 3-wood. Wish my hybrid was working as well, but no complaints. Also, sorted my short irons a little, but long irons remain a problem. The strange thing about golf is that on the front nine when I played so well, my partner and I actually lost the game wager and we won on the back nine. Go figure.

What to Work On

I’m still not confident that the driver and 3-wood are good enough, it will probably revert back to its crap status the next game; but slowly the game is coming together. Work on chips and long irons next.

Orna Golf & Country Club

Introduction

Melaka has always been somewhat of a hidden gem for Malaysia Golf Courses. For such a small state, it boasts of 4 well known courses in Ayer Keroh, A Famosa, Tiara Melaka and Orna Golf Club. There’s also one more obscure one called Golden Valley course which is along the highway, which we don’t really know anything about.

And of course, the great thing about Melaka is that the courses are all located within Bubba Watson Drive from each other (meaning within 300 – 400 meters, give and take. We obviously failed our maths, but it sounds nice: Bubba Drive). With each courses so close, organizing a 36 hole blitz is a piece of cake. Orna – Tiara Melaka – Ayer Keroh are options. A Famosa is a little out of the way though.

We decided on Orna simply because many of us have not played there before, and from the website (again, we say with some caution, having experience the inordinate amount of BS encountered in these so-called websites), they seem to be a little full of themselves, having served as the Davidoff qualifying school venue for 2001 – 2003, which until now, I can only relate to Davidoff as the deodorant I put in my armpits every morning. At least, it isn’t as full of crap as some of the information on some golf club sites; this actually served to be quite informational. I won’t repeat it here, but the designer is Andy Dye, the brother, I believe of Pete Dye. Now if you haven’t heard of Pete Dye, you probably heard of the famous course he designed: The TPC Sawgrass. If you haven’t heard of it, you probably know about the famous 17th on the Stadium Course. If you haven’t, you should just give up golf, wear a tutu and take up ballet instead, because you’ll be very good at it.

While Andy ain’t Pete, we still were pretty excited nonetheless to try out this so-called ‘championship quality’ course.

Travel (2/5)

Like the notorious Tiara Melaka, signs leading to the golf course is as scarce as blue spotted jackals.  For some reason, perhaps due to it being a national heritage, Melaka refuses to put signs up to direct tired golfers coming from KL to Tiara or Orna, or perhaps those cheapskate clubs refuse to pay the Melaka town board to put these signs up. So you need to trust your instinct, or now, in this time and age, the good old GPS.

Orna Location Map

Turn off the Ayer Keroh exit, if you’re coming down from KL. Please tell me that you know how to get to the North South Highway bound for JB and Singapore. If you don’t, perhaps you should ask your mother’s permission for reading stuff on the internet, and go back to studying for your Std 3 tests. I’m kidding. This is a family friendly blog. But I am still not gonna direct you to the North south since it’s obvious you don’t know how to drive.

Anyways, once you’re off, go past the toll and head straight on, until you see the zoo and the Ayer Keroh golf course on your left. Then stay left, and at the main interchange, turn left, go straight all the way, past Tiara Melaka Golf Course on your left, and about 2 km later, Orna is there for you!

Price (4/5)

RM59 per person. Yep. There’s a promotion and yet again, our stupid Top premier voucher booklet is useless, since it’s more expensive with the voucher. Although it’s a dumb pricing strategy, it’s still a ridiculously low price to pay for a round of golf (later, we found from Tiara Melaka, with the voucher is only RM44!! Man, I love MELAKA!). This is good pricing, but then again, RM59 for a piece of cowdung in the middle of nowhere, like TUDM or Frasers might make you wish you invested that RM59 into buying discarded bottle caps instead. As we found out later, thankfully, Orna does not resemble a piece of dung, so it’s definitely worth the price.

First thoughts

I don’t really know what ORNA means, but I suppose it’s supposed to be some Greek sounding name for beauty or something. In my opinion, it’s probably derived from the desperate shouts of golfers who are trying to clear water, bunkers, wastelands in this course to put it on the green: “ON! ON –AH!!” with the ‘ah’ colloquially used by chinamen uncles who think they can clear 230 m of water to put 2-on to the par 5 greens, and failing miserably for the 4,567th time.

Anyways, we teed it up on the back nine (West Course). We avoided the mickey mouse North Course (as was told to us) and decided the championship combination of East and West course was where the bang for the buck was.

Standing on the first tee, it was a short par 4 that had a slight dogleg right. Immediately, you can see the undulations on the fairway, and know that this is NOT a Ginnifer Course, and it’s probably going to eat you up the way KRPM eats up golfers, gargles their blood and spits out the carcass later.

Service (3/5)

Not much experience with the service, except our buggy was awful and we needed to ‘Flintstoned’ our way (using our legs to help move the vehicle) in the last couple of holes. As there were no living souls in the course except for our flight and probably one or two more, we didn’t have any congestion as well, except for the first few holes when this couple took their own sweet time, and played as if they were just waiting for rapture to come. We’ll give a middle score for this one.

Fairways (2/5)

From a far the fairway looks to be in a pretty shape. But on closer inspection, you’ll find it in a below average state, mostly evidenced by the infamous bald spots. Sparsely growing, the Bermuda fairway was mostly pockmarked by sandy spots here and there. On the regular turf without the bald mark, the Bermuda grass was just HARD. As in, for habitual diggers like myself, I end up bouncing back up the grass and turn my ball right to left with a closed face. At least that is what I think. It usually happens in a blink of an eye, and before I know it, my poor golf ball is skittering away to the left into the drink. And ORNA punishes a lot of right to left misses, due to some ridiculous undulation. You will probably never get a flat stance in Orna, so your iron game better come prepared.

Greens (2/5)

Like the fairways, it wasn’t that the greens started out bad, but simply because of the lack of maintenance. Bald spots littered almost all the greens, speed was inconsistent, sometimes slow, sometimes faster (but still slow!), and while the undulation and breaks were fun; still, the lack of maintenance really annoyed us. Another thing, and this has nothing to do with the ratings; don’t even think about putting off the green. I usually practice that, if there’s about a meter of grass to clear before the green, I’d putt it. I’ve done that in other courses, in Rahman Putra cow grass even, and it works. Not in Saujana. And now, definitely not in Orna. The grass around the green literally catches the ball and chokes the spin out of it and spins the ball away from the targeted line. Again, this is more of a characteristic than a feature, but the greens themselves offer an underwhelming experience for us hackers.

Rough ( 3/5)

We spent an inordinate amount of time in the rough. This is primarily due to the undulating fairways, and as well as the gigantic bunkers sprinkled liberally over the course. The rough was generally ok, it wasn’t very difficult to escape from it, but Orna’s bunkers are really a feature itself, and offered some very interesting challenges. Starting from hole 10th, you need to navigate across twin bunkers on the fairways and fronting the green. Even on the par 5 11th, a sandy stretch of bunkers await the wayward hooker on their approach to the green. The index 2 14th is a monstrous par 4 at almost 400 meters, but with a Sarlac sized bunker smack in the middle of the fairway, which one of our unfortunate hacker managed to find enroute to a triple bogey. This is an extremely testing par 4, with a driver and 3 wood to barely find the front of the green.

Again the par 4 15th also has a gigantic greenside bunker which took our guys 2 – 3 shots to extricate.

By now, we had the grim feeling that while water was more or less a feature for Orna, the bunkers were the real culprit to high scores. And nothing is more distinct that the GARGANTUAN strip of bunker found in the par 5 16th, at the side of the water. It’s almost 100 meters long and I had the misfortune of slamming into it with my second shot hybrid, and could only get out in 3 to six on and two putt for a triple. Yikes. The ending holes are memorable, with each having strips of bunker hugging the water, and as you will see later, has an impressionable aesthetic.

The issue is that the bunkers are not very well maintained. In fact, playing into the 8th par 3 and landing into the bunker, my second shot skulled the ball due to the HARD mud under the sand. My third dug too shallow and popped the ball into the water on the par 5 preceeding hole. Drop for fifth, two putted for a quadruple bogey and lost the game. This wasn’t a one-off…lots of the bunkers were in need of proper maintenance. If you’re hitting from Orna’s bunkers, be careful of the hard mud underneath, it’s death to most hackers.

Aesthetics ( 3/5)

Orna is one of those courses where you hate it or love it. The one thing good about the aesthetics is that it really offers an open course for you to view. And we’re very partial to such a view, with the undulating fairways, undulating greens, and bunkers spread around the course, you can really look and say the design is quite nice, given what they had to work with. Especially nice (as long as you avoid it) are the bunker strips around the lakes, and from some good elevated tee boxes, it was an enjoyable view.

And of course, the signature hole 12th on the West Course, a’la the 17th at Sawgrass, Andy Dye copies his brother and gives us the closest resemblance. This is the island green very similar to the one in Sawgrass, a 157 m shot from the blue tee to green. Standing on the tee shot, the whole conversation will surround on the key question: “Eh, what iron you use ah?”. In fact, we like this hole so much, we’re gonna give an aerial shot from the recently launched Gilagolf satellite camera.

So aesthetic wise, there’s much to enjoy…until the weather gets the better of you. The advantage becomes a disadvantage when you hit the 10 am – 12 noon stretch because Orna is HOT. Barely any mature trees surrounding the course, it becomes a killer at the final holes, when you play that stretch of index 7,9,3, 11 and 5 on the east course. And mind you, that index 11 is a elevated 170 m tee shot to a small green with water fronting and that Sarlac bunker waiting to chomp your (golf) balls. So that stretch is really a tough one. If only Orna had managed to keep some trees before chopping all of them down, it would actually be quite a beautiful looking course, especially the design itself is worth mentioning. I don’t know why there are so many mature trees in Tiara Melaka next door or Ayer keroh golf course down the road, but Orna has almost none.

So bring LOTs of water, because you’re going to a fried duck by the time you are done with Orna.

Fun Factor ( 3/5)

The start of the game was quite fun. We hit the west course, and getting past hole 10 and 11, we reached the famed 12th, the copycat of TPC Sawgrass and played good shots in. An eight iron should actually suffice, but it’s just that the water really psychos you.

The fairways are reasonably generous, but slicers do beware, many of the holes have OB right, so take a healthy aim to the left…except that the undulation often bounces your ball into the water or Sarlac bunkers.  The undulating fairways are also another feature to deal with. Depending on where your ball lands, you can either get another 30-40 m roll or a -5 meter roll, as you watch in anger as it hits the upslope of the undulation and rolls pathetically back. And also, the undulation slopes towards the hazards, and in more than one occasion, notably the par 4 10th, where slight draw of the ball lands on the wrong side of the slope and it will bound merrily into the waiting water.

In fact, there’s probably not one spot in the course where you’ll find an even lie, so it truly will test your skill, patience and resistance to start chopping your 7-iron into the fairway and howl in anguish.

The East Course plays shadier, but by then the heat had really gotten to us so much so that we’ve had mirages of Oompaloompahs serving us ice cold Coke and ice-cream chocolate cakes on each green. A notable hole is the horrendous par 5 7th, which demands a good tee shot, and another to the landing area before an accurate to the elevated green.

The course does have character in each of the holes, but I swear as I was chopping out of the largest bunker in the world on the par 5 16th, I’d think some golfers probably didn’t make it out of the bunker alive and had been buried there for posterity’s warning.

Was Orna fun? In part due to the design and undulation. But the lack of shade, trees and the exposure to the sun feels like we’ve just landed in the Sahara and by the last few holes, just couldn’t wait to get our sun-baked bodies into the clubhouse.

Conclusion

As mentioned, there is a love it or hate it feeling for Orna. Some liked the challenge and the undulation and the bunkers, while others probably would want to avoid such torture and sadistic course in the future. For me, the driving was doing fine, as I hit 10 fairways. But with only 2 GIRs, it really brings to pressure the approach shots,  and putting (both my GIRs, I three putted for bogeys). Undulation and bunkers really do play a huge part in Orna, and it’s definitely not an easy course to play in, unlike the neighbouring, friendly Tiara Melaka. It suffers from the lack of maintenance, but it’s a course I wouldn’t mind playing on again.

The good: Pricing is a big advantage, with RM59, it’s worth the travel; undulating greens, fairways add to the challenge of gigantic, Sarlac bunkers; the island green 12th is worth playing for the closest resemblance of TPC Sawgrass 17th; interesting “Mr Dye” design worthy of it’s boast as a championship looking course.

The bad: Maintenance is lacking, causing the fairway to be as hard as tarred road; bunkers will be unavoidable, but it’s densely packed with mud under the sand; without trees, after a while, those Oompaloompahs with coke will hopefully get to you before you collapse in dehydration and carted away to the Melaka hospital.

The skinny: 22 of 40 divots (55%). Orna faces the challenge of the nearby Ayer Keroh and Tiara Melaka, but it stands on its own. It doesn’t force idiotic caddies on you the way Ayer Keroh does, and the character of the course is definitely different from the much friendlier Tiara Melaka. And of course, the bunkers and undulation gives it a distinct feel and personality. If only it wasn’t so dang hot, it would have been a great recommendation. As it is, we’re a little on the fence; love it or hate it, there are some holes you definitely will have fun in, so it’s a recommendation if you haven’t tried it yet. After that, it’s up to you whether to return or not!

Orna GCC  East + West Course

Orna GCC Information

Address: Batu 16, Jalan Gapam,
Ladang Gapam, Bemban 77200 Jasin,
Melaka, Malaysia.

Contact+606-5210333

Fax: +606-5210222

Email: ogcc@ornaresort.com.my

Website: http://www.ornaresort.com.my

Who Wins in the Major?

Now that the British Open is over, and the unlikeliest champion has emerged, we’ll all wind down the year and have a look at it. Wait, there’s still the PGA Championship and Fedex Cup. Meh. We all know that the last major, with flukes like Shaun Micheel, Rich Beem and YE Yang, isn’t as prestigious as the other 3. And Fedex cup? Please. Gimmicky.

Darren Clarke of Northern Ireland smokes a cigarette during the final round of the British Open golf championship at Royal St George's in Sandwich

So, the cigaratte chomping (curious, isn’t a cigaratte consider an outside help?) Daren Clarke wins, and I’ll leave to other better writers to talk about the glory of Northern Ireland majors, the odds, the story surrounding Sunday’s win, and the humiliating hacking nonsense conjured up by Phil Mickleson, Dustin Johnson and all the other clowns chasing Daren. It wasn’t so much that Daren won it, but the other fellas lost it. Missing a two footer. Check, Mickleson. Shanking into OB at a critical hole. Check, Dustin. Pulling into weeds and losing grip of club. Check, Anthony Kim. Whacking into the spectator stands. Check, Mickleson. What, again?? What’s wrong with you, tubby??

Phil Mickelson Phil Mickelson of the United States misses a birdie putt on the eighth green during the final round of The 140th Open Championship at Royal St George's on July 17, 2011 in Sandwich, England.

Now, what has this got to do with Tiger? Everything. Since our old friend left the game in shambles, we’ve got all these bunch of pretenders stepping up the plate and taking what they can. It’s like a pack of hyenas, after the lion has finished his fill of the dead elephant and wanders off to sleep, they come and gorge on the remains and take all they can before the old lion comes back and chase them all out.

Without Tiger, majors have seen first time winners piling up. Daren. Rory. Charles. Martin. Louis. Graeme. 6 consecutive first timers, and NOT. ONE. AMERICAN. Face it, for the viewers, supporting the underdog only makes sense if there is a top dog. We ALL want to have a top dog. There’s a culture of heroes in humanity. Hercules. Achilles. The naked guy in 300. Julius Caesar. Douglas MacArthur. Joan of Arc. King Arthur. Hang Tuah. Or, looking at sport heroes: Muhammad Ali. Michael Jordan. Maradona. The one person that stands above the rest, that says, “Don’t eat my elephant until I’m finished, you pack of hyenas!”

Tiger Woods, love him or hate him, is one of them. He is the Top Dog. He’s the Alpha Male. And he doesn’t like to share.

Once the Top Dog goes, you’ve got these hyenas going for the majors and the number 1 in the world. Luke Donald aka Justin Timberlake Lookalike. What a joke. A world number 1 CAN’T make the CUT??!! Lee Westwood, another joke. Martin Kaymer? He can’t draw the ball. Rory? We like him, but too streaky, just like a hacker.

Martin Kaymer and Lee Westwood - Singles Matches-2010 Ryder Cup

The real winners are all the PGA players, because since Tiger left, their chances have improved like 5000% to win a major. Also, the sport writers, because now they have more stories to write about, aside from the normal “Tiger Wins.” or the Horrendously overused, “Tiger out of the Woods” or “Tiger in the Woods”. Recently they have gotten a little creative thanks to his liaisons with pornstars, and have cheeky titles like “Tiger getting Woody” or “Tiger shows his Wood”. But still, over used. Now, with these new batch of hyenas, writers can be more creative with their headlines, such as:

If Rory wins: “Ror-ring victory”

If Daren wins: “Clarke of the Devil”

If Sergio wins: “Serg-ing to victory”…and my favorite:

If Thomas Bjorn wins: “To Infinity and Bjorn!”

Gilanalysis 21: Tasik Puteri

Handicap:20

Gross: 97

Net: 77

Verdict: 3 Putts Galore…

What Happened

It has been some time since we headed to Tasik Puteri and now we know why….the journey there is akin to putting your head into a radiatation chamber and being continuously radiated until your hair falls out. It’s so far inside, it’s ridiculous. And it used to be better maintained, now the fairways and tee areas have certainly gone down the toilet. Remember, Gilagolfers, DO NOT play on the 3rd nine! They will try to force you to play, but ignore them and pretend you do not speak any Malay, English and to be safe, even Chinese or Tamil. Speak gibberish, they will think you are Papua from New Guinea.

Also, the caddies haven’t changed a bit. Still smell of cheap cologne, and still thinking they are so attractive as to offer to converse with you or talk back (I think it’s a form of flirting lost during the cro-magnon era 15 million years ago), until at one point, I told her to shut her gap and stop commenting and pretending to know the putts etc. The caddies here are absolutely, completely and genuinely useless.

Anyway, my game was also a genuinely useless, especially the 3 putts. I actually played pretty normal. I could give a lot of readymade golfer excuses like:

1. I am migrating back to my old driver

2. I jammed my left thumb opening Durians and now I can’t move it well

but I’ll spare myself and just say, 7 3-putts is completely inexcusable.

Teeing off the back tee, I three putted after a great drive and regulation on. I went through a string of horrendous holes after that, but then played normal, except for 3 putting for both my double bogeys on 16 and 18. Then started the front nine with two three putts, even after my best drive of the day on the 2nd.

It doesn’t even tell the whole story. I missed easy 3-4 footers as well on several holes to save Par, like on the 5th and 8th and lipouts on 12th, 15th, 17th. The only good putt I made was the one on 7th, a curling 10 footer dead in the middle of the hole

Why I Sucked

This is what you get from changing putters everytime you play. I used an old Rossa Modena today, instead of my Monza or Odyssey DFX, and it will go back into the closet for good now, I guess.

The driver is slowly getting back in shape. I’m making more mistakes than using the whippy Cobra S9-1 (this is an old Hi-bore with very little room for error), but when I contact it, it feels absolutely SWEET.

My irons improved a little in terms of contact, but because I have been playing so horrendous before, I’ve developed a habit of compensating my set up to the right (as my misses are pulls), so most of the well hit irons just went straight right…and slam into bunkers, roughs, greenside hills, but unfortunately not the Cro-Magnon caddy.

Not So Sucked

I don’t know. It would have been a mediocre game in the low 90s I feel, if not for all the nonsensical putting and lip outs etc. Tee to green, ok. Green wise, like a monkey being strangled by an anaconda. That’s golf, I guess.

What to Work On

Maybe not being so promiscuous with my putter (the golf club, I am talking about) and stick to either my Monza or Odyssey. But….what about the rest???

Gilanalysis 20: Seri Selangor

Handicap:20

Gross: 98

Net: 78

Verdict: Darn, this course is tough!

What Happened

After a long absence from the most constipated course in history, I came back to hack Seri Selangor and got bloodied and bruised all over again. I started well enough, after a crap drive on the 10th, a hybrid, and stuffed my approach 5 feet from the hole and putted in.

11th hole, I drove amazing, and left me about 3o meters to the green. I proceeded to duff my pitch, three putted for bogey. Same as 12th hole, edge of green, but messed up my chip. Could have started par-par-par. From there, all downhill. Hazard off the tee on the 13th. Lost balls on 14th and 15th. Duffed approach on the 18th into bunker from 90 meters.

The first nine is supposed to be easier, and again I started well on the 1st. From there, crapland. Even in par 5 hole 5, I drove so well I had a six iron into the green. Hit an ok shot to the fringe, and proceeded to mess my chip and two putted!

The rest of the way was cases of lost ball, duffed shots and missed opportunities. Ah, Seri Selangor, how I miss thee.

Why I Sucked

I am migrating back to my old school driver with a stiff shaft. I decided the new regular shaft is really not my type (thanks so much to MST for such a STUPID recommendation. That MST “pro” in the UOA building in KL really really suck, I think he’s actually the ball picker from a driving range and knows crap about golf…and I am even stupider to listen to him! Argh!) With the stiff driver, I was pounding it 10-20 meters longer than normal. It just wouldn’t fly exactly straight and I had quite a fair bit of OBs. So kinda defeat the purpose….but man, pounding a perfect drive on the par 5 5th and the 1st, and the 11th…those are what you live for in golf.

So, direction of driver definitely sucked, but mainly, I was a huge failure in my irons…again.

Not So Sucked

Driver was long today. Except it’s not so good news in Seri Selangor when you go a bit off line, it’s welcome to the jungle. Putter was also doing ok, and Seri Selangor greens are in great condition…meaning…SUPER FAST!

What to Work On

Migrating back to driver for distance. Now, just to get the ball on the fairway!

Battle of the Seoul Sisters

I’m watching the LPGA US Women’s Open and two Korean girls just finished tied on top, heading into playoffs. I’m usually not very fascinated with the ladies game, but after watching these two players, So Yeon Ryu and Seo Hee-Kyung, I am pretty much positive that they are twins separated at birth. I mean, I am an Asian, so I generally won’t think that we all resemble Vietnamese like some of my American friends think we do. The only people I can’t tell the difference are Singaporeans and Malaysians.

Koreans? Sure, I can probably differentiate most of them, but when it comes to these two, I’m pretty much bewildered at how similar they look. Except that Ryu seems to have slightly bigger eyes, but maybe because Seo keeps grinning in every shot. Either way, I’ve decided to support Seo, simply because I like her Polo Ralph Lauren outfit. It’s nice. I might get one for my wife. And frankly I think Seo dresses a lot better.

Ok, Seo vs Ryu. Check it out yourself.

Seo Hee Kyung

Hee-Kyung Seo Hee Kyung Seo of South Korea hits her tee shot on the seventh hole during the second round of the Kia Classic Presented by J Golf at La Costa Resort and Spa on March 26, 2010 in Carlsbad, California.

Hee-Kyung Seo - U.S. Women's Open - Final Round

Hee-Kyung Seo - U.S. Women's Open - Final Round

Hee-Kyung Seo - U.S. Women's Open - Round Three

Hee-Kyung Seo - Ricoh Women's British Open - Round Two

So Yeon Ryu

So-Yeon Ryu - Kraft Nabisco Championship - Round Two

So-Yeon Ryu - U.S. Women's Open - Final Round

So-Yeon Ryu - U.S. Women's Open - Final Round

So-Yeon Ryu - U.S. Women's Open - Round Three

So-Yeon Ryu - 2010 ANZ Ladies Masters - Day 2

Note: Wow, Ryu just Shoryuken-ed Seo in the playoffs with Birdie-Birdie on 16 and 17.

Rats, Seo, you lost, but you still have a great Polo outfit!! And you speak better English. But your eyes are still smaller because you’re always grinning.

Congratz to Ryu with a Birdie-Birdie-Birdie finish. With a name like this, sure can win any one on one matchup, until you meet a China Golfer called Chun-Li.