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An Open Letter to Eastern & Oriental Hotel, Penang

Dear E & O Management,

I would like to feedback on my experience of staying at E&O Penang, Malaysia for the first time last week (23 November – 25 November 2013), and hope that you will be able to address some concerns I have.

There are basically 2 things I want to comment on your hotel; both of which stems from our (my family) experience there. Last week, we stayed in E&O Penang from Saturday to Monday, as one of our dearest friend was celebrating his marriage with a dinner at your respected hotel, on Sunday evening. Our stay in your hotel was absolutely wonderful and me, my wife and my 17 month old child certainly enjoyed it there. After dinner and all the celebratory pictures, when my wife returned back to our room, she realised she could not find her mobile phone, a HTC One X, that contained not just private and confidential data in her email, but also much of our family pictures, videos and what we regard as precious information. We immediately went back down to the ballroom to hunt for it in case it dropped. The person in charge also did a quick search amongst the waiters but to no avail. We searched for hours and was told perhaps it’s in our room and we accidentally left it in our bags etc. We already turned the room inside out looking for the phone.

It was a depressing time for us, but I thought it was our own carelessness, so there was nothing much we could do. However, my wife was adamant she did not lose the phone, the last rememberance was that she left it on the dinner table while taking care of our very active son and she was convinced that one of your waiters have taken it. Without proof, it was difficult to pinpoint. Thanks to technology, I was able to track the phone using GPS on my computer and found that it was still in the hotel premise. Again we launched a search in the ballroom and hotel room. However, we still could not find it. After many hours, we gave up due to exhaustion and decided to search it again next morning, with at least the confidence that it is in the hotel premise.

Early next morning, I did a search on the GPS function again and to my shock and horror, found that the phone has travelled across the bridge into mainland Malaysia to a place called Pangsa Sri Bagan, still in Penang. This was clear evidence that  it had been stolen from the table while everyone was not looking. I immediately reported this to the hotel, who called up Captain Kunalan, the head of security. I spoke to him, and to cut the long story short, he managed to track down a few ‘casual workers’ that were hired to be waiters that night for the dinner who lived in Pangsa Sri Bagan. One of them have indeed stolen the phone, and Captain Kunalan managed to retrieve back the phone from the thief and sent it back to us (we have gone back to Kuala Lumpur that day) via the groom, who stayed an additional night in Penang.

Unfortunately, the thief had wiped out our data completely, destroyed my wife’s sim card, and damaged the phone and had even installed his own Digi sim card (and taken out before returning) as evidenced by the software changes on the phone.

My two comments are these:

1)      On the positive side, Captain Kunalan went through a lot of trouble to get back our stolen property. Once I gave him the GPS location, we were 100% certain our item was stolen, and to his credit, he did not delay in doing what needed to be done to get it back. He could have easily delayed, or opted not to follow through, but through his persistence, we finally got back our phone, although everything valuable in it is now destroyed. I want to commend him, and hopefully he can be recognised for his efforts. Its only because of him that our negative perception of E&O has somehow been softened. He has given great credence to your brand.

2)      On the negative side, I cannot fathom how a hotel as upscale as yours can hire casual workers who are so brazen in their crime that they STEAL our properties from our table! Of course, you can argue that we need to be more careful and aware, but this is a wedding dinner, with a perception that it is a safe, trusted environment, a family environment…how is it possible that we would be on our guard against thieves and criminals? Plus, if you ever handled a 17 month old boy running around, you will know that protecting your phone is definitely not number 1 in your agenda. We took our safety for granted because we assumed the environment offered by your hotel was safe. We were wrong. You can ask, was there any way at all this could be avoided? Is it E&O’s responsibility if their casual worker steals our goods? I say yes. It does not matter if it is your staff or casual workers. The moment they work for you, they represent E&O, regardless. You cannot escape that accountability to provide your hotel guest with the assurance of our safety. If a crime occurs in your premise by a casual worker, E&O is responsible for that crime. In fact, the innkeepers act clearly states that where any goods is stolen, lost or injured (damaged) through a wilful act of any person under the hotel’s employment, the hotel is responsible for liability. This could just be a phone. I am sure they have stolen before and will steal again. It starts with a phone, a handbag, car keys, and in the future, even heaven forbid, abduction of a child. You must stop this before it escalates into something far more serious than lost data and phone! This theft, that we never think possible, but has occurred, and in our eyes, has tarnished your good name.

What can you do? I am a business owner, and I make sure my customers are always given the best quality service. If there is anything less, I will forsake all regards to my costs and bottom line to set it right. There is a cheap way to do things, and there is a right way to do things. If you cannot control your casual workers, I recommend you to properly source through proper agencies or have more due diligence done. I cannot imagine that you allow any person to just come in, sign their name and they don E&O apparels and represent your company. You then hire crooks and thieves who in turn prey upon your hotel guests without your knowledge. If costs are needed to get the right people in, even 2 -3 times the cost, then sacrifice your margins and stop hiring any street criminals and properly filter these people! There MUST be a change, for the sake of future guests who WILL fall prey to them again. You cannot expect redemption on their side, these are people who are conditioned for crime. You must not allow them to every step foot into your hotel and destroy your reputation that you have so painstakingly built up. As a board of director for companies, I understand fiduciary duty. You must put in operational controls to address this risk, this is management duty and must be regarded with all seriousness. If it wasn’t for my technology knowledge, we would never have pinpointed these criminals and you would have hired them again for the next wedding dinner, and other people would have been victimised!

I have written a very long email, but one that I think is necessary. If it was any 3 star hotel, I would not have spent so much of my time in feedback. I would have gone through the normal channels of complain through social media, which as you know is extremely powerful in brand creation and dilution. But because I believe E&O is one of the most respectable hotels in this region, with an absolutely commitment to customer experience, that I spend so much time in this email to you. Because I know that you WILL make a change. Because I know you will take to heart here this feedback by your guest on how to improve your services and safety of your hotel. Because I know it makes a difference, and that E&O will learn from this and become even more respected as an organisation in dealing with it.

I am not pursuing monetary repayment, even if we have a case – I am not a lawyer and I am in no mood to discuss if we have any case in the innkeeper’s act to pursue or not. It’s irrelevant. What we have lost, we will never gain it back. We have lost memories of our family and friends, precious confidential data, damaged phone and what is supposed to be a joyous weekend, wrecked due to such a awful experience. And this, because we trusted in the umbrella of safety that the hotel should be providing to the guest. We can only hope that we are the last ones who will fall prey to criminal activities under your roof and that you will do ALL you can in your power to improve what all of us have taken for granted: your guests’ peace of mind.

I do expect an acknowledgement to this email to ascertain that it has reached the right level of management, who can make decisions and at least assure me that if I ever intend to stay in E&O again, this concern would have been fully and completely addressed.

**It took them 1 and a half months to formulate a response back to me**

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Ramadan is coming

At the risk of sounding a little offensive to all my muslim friends who will be fasting, Ramadan is something I look forward to because of the food and the golf.

The food? Nothing beats Malay food. Trust me. I am Chinese, but I don’t eat pork. Hate it. So 90% of the chinese food is unpalatable to my taste. I love Indian food especially their vegetarian food. But my great weakness is good old Malaysian food. Nasi lemak, of course. But Ayam Percik grilled over charcoal, nasi kerabu, apong balik…even simple fried chicken…and I have a great weakness for Malay Chow Kueh Teow. The one that they fry in the morning and leave it out in a big pile and you take it in the afternoon. One that has lots of spring onions and taste nothing like the Penang style. I think I got addicted to this kueh teow when I was in secondary school and I was a really stingy guy who saved a lot of money to play arcades, so I didn’t have money for food. For 50 sen, I could get this dish from a lovely Malay makcik in my canteen in Sultan Abdul Samad, PJ. I would eat about 3 for RM1.50, and the rest of my allowance, I’d blow it on playing arcades at Rasa Sayang or Eighty-Eight at SS2.

And Ramadan, of course, the golf. I know I haven’t updated much lately. Tiger is awful, Rory is pathetic and even Federer sucks. And I am depressed because San Antonio Spurs lost in the NBA finals. So every single person or team I support is going down the nuthole.

But someone told me, that while he appreciates my nonsensical posts, he missed my reviews, which I have stopped simply because I haven’t played in new courses. So my wishlist for Ramadan is to play in some courses I’ve not played before and hopefully start reviewing again! I’m sticking to courses in KL/Selangor, because you’d think Gilagolf would have covered this by now!!

1. Amverton Cove – I heard a lot about this sucker. Expensive, but I don’t mind trying it out. It’s a new course at Carrey Island, played like a links, according to a friend. Hopefully we can head there soon.

2. Awana – Yes, it’s quite unbelievable I have not played there before. Everytime we plan, it goes down the drain, either weather, or someone pulling out.

3. Port Klang – I did play this before, but it was before this blog started. I don’t recall much about it, but really need to play it again!

4. KLGCC – Um. Who wouldn’t want to play there. I am hoping with Ramadan it goes down below RM200 to tee off there…then I will go!

5. Kota Permai – Again, I played there before once long long time ago when it was still reasonably cheap to play…now I probably need to be an organ donor before I play there…but Ramadan, please make it cheaper!!

6. Titiwangsa PDRM – I don’t know if this still exists, but someone told me there’s a 9 hole somewhere here.

7. Kuala Kubu Bahru – OK, fine, this is probably not one of the finest course on earth, but I played here once long time ago and only remembered one tee off over the road! Gotta play again

8. Valencia Golf Club – I think this is a private club at the gated community in Valencia. Anyone wants to bring Gilagolf in?

9. Sungai Long – Jack Nicklaus designed isn’t it? But again, pricing is a big issue here and unless it goes down…plus, I believe you need a member to get in here.

10. Kelab Darul Ehsan – I think around Ampang there is a club called KDE with a 9 hole golf course. I was brought here back in college when I didn’t play golf  but pretended I did, because I was absolutely crazy about this girl who was a member there and who asked me if I played golf, to which I replied immediately, “Hell, yeah!” and proceeded to make an absolutely ass of myself in front of her and her friends. Aah, good embarrassing memories. At least we’re good friends now, still, but she’s married to someone else and so am I…so that ended my craze for her. I hope.

Anyhoos, that’s about that list. Serendah Golf is unfortunately gone so I’d love to review it but can’t. There’s also a 9 hole course in Bangi in Uniten which I played before..have to walk one. And someone told me IOI Palm is back up refurbished, but cost even more than Mines…are you serious?!?

So yeah, altogether, there should be 12 courses I’d like to review in Selangor/KL area. Honestly, even if I strike off 2 – 3 by the end of Ramadan, I’ll be happy.

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Fried Chicken and Colour Comments

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Sergio Oh Sergio.

When he starting bitching earlier about Tiger and wouldn’t stop, it would probably take a train wreck to bring his whining to a halt. And it took that much. He made the Fried Chicken comment. Sometime back, a guy called Fuzzy Zoeller (no, that’s not his pornstar name, it’s a real name, given by his father who obviously thought his son was a joke), made the same remark about Tiger, about serving fried chicken and collard greens.

And we all know what happened. The world of golf descended into a racist pantomime for the next week or so. The Euro tour CEO George O’Grady first defends Sergio by saying, “A lot of Sergio’s pals are colored folks.” Or something of that nature. And boom, he lands into hot soup. Don’t say “colored”. It’s discriminatory.

And now, the biggest idiot of all, a guy by the name of Colin Montgomerie steps in to defend both Sergio and George O’Grady by saying it’s a mountain out of a molehill. And he said, the European tour is a big happy family, he felt for Garcia and claims all this fried chicken talk is nonsense, and now everyone is afraid of saying something that isn’t ‘kosher’ in 2013.

Now, we all know Colin Montgomerie is a racist. This is proven fact. So obviously he wouldn’t find anything wrong with calling Tiger the N word and eating fried chicken and collard beans. Colin Montgomerie is also overweight and diabetic, and impotent, although he cheats regularly on his wife by making out with a Scottish pig.

Do you see how it hurts to say things or write things like that, when it’s not true (or part of it anyway)? It hurts, Mr Montgomerie and it’s not making a mountain out of a molehill. It is because you don’t understand the connotations of fried chicken and slavery in America, so don’t talk about it.  Read this article

http://www.authentichistory.com/diversity/african/3-coon/5-chickwatermelon/index.html

Maybe you can understand a bit more on the furore your stupid lad Sergio Garcia caused across America by stating racist remarks. You might as well go to the next PGA tour event wearing a white hood and a burning cross. Seriously, Sergio and George, get educated.

Colin Montgomerie, you never deserved to be in the Hall of Fame. You are a joke, a fat piece of crap who shouldn’t even be playing golf right now because you are such a hopeless loser. I agree with Tony Jacklin. If we allow Colin to be a hall of famer, then you might as well get anyone to be be a hall of famer.

So, before making anymore remarks and showing how bigoted and racist you truly are, Colin Montgomerie, please do the world a favour and just disappear forever from the golfing landscape.

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Did Tiger Take an Illegal Drop?

Now, before starting this, there are two things I need to point out:

1) I am a huge Tiger fan. Everyone reading this blog knows it. So, obviously I am extremely biased for him, and for the record, I thought the drop he took at Augusta did not matter a fart whether it was one or two meters back or front, because he would dialed in the same anyway.

2) I suck as a golfer. I play to 19, and usually on Saturday games I take illegal drops all the time, usually because I am too lazy to walk back to the tee for a lost ball shot, or simply because I don’t want to dirty my shiny shoes. That being said, we don’t bet in our Saturday games, so we are very loose with the rules. So suck it, golf nerds who think I am a cheater. The loose-ness becomes tight when there’s a bet on the line, because, then we are a little bit more anal on ball drops, because we’re playing for RM1 or RM2, which is like USD200,000 per hole when converted.

Here’s the problem with the ball drops.

For OB or lost ball, even when we’re betting, we’re generally OK with the rule that you can drop your ball on the fairway and take a 2 shot penalty. But drop it parallel to where you think you lost your ball. Now, there’s no such rule in reality. Reality is that you were supposed to hit a provisional ball anyway and play. But sometimes, we see the ball land but when we search for it, it disappears. So that’s legitimate. Now again, I’ve played with golf nerds who insist to go back to the tee. These are the sorts that constantly walk around their lives with a seven iron stuffed up their ass, or oldish fellas who thinks everyone has all the time in the world to play golf and a 6 hour round is perfectly fine for golf. No, it’s not. Most of us have what we call a Life to go back to, so hurry along please.

Tiger faced what we call a lateral water hazard. Red stakes. Which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. At times, you can definitely drop the ball where the water is taken out of play which was where Woods dropped it.

The argument here was that he likely dropped the ball wrongly because you can only technically dropped where he dropped if he did a giant hook.

Let’s illustrate here:

The red line is where Tiger Woods and his partners said he hit. It’s a big hook that flew across the fairway and veered left into the water, where he eventually dropped it at the red arrow. He hit an amazing shot, a 3 wood with ball above his feet, to the fringe of the green and made double bogey. However, replays from an overhead blimp showed that his ball flight was much straighter and less hook (blue line) and likely crossed the hazard at where the blue arrow was, which meant he had to play it around 100 yards or so further back, which might cause him to triple, and tie the second guy for playoff instead of outright win.

Now, watching the overhead blimp, it does seem like the ball never hooked the way Tiger said it hooked. Which is why it’s contentious. Because the playing partner (I forgot his name) said Tiger was right. Now, Tiger is Tiger. Everyone except Steve Williams will kiss his ass, so I am thinking if Tiger said, the ball turned into an elephant halfway down the fairway and flew into the sun in a yellow horse, this playing partner would have agreed. But this is golf, as long as the playing partner agrees, and the caddies agree the ball flight was the red one, Tiger is OK to drop it. Since no one can see the ball flight better than the guys from the tee-box.

You could probably ask a spectator, but then again, everyone would have a different view at it. From the blimp, it’s hard to see how the heck it would have crossed where the red line is, it was more of the blue line.

So, even if I am a hardcore Tiger fan, it does seem very iffy to drop where he dropped.

Then again, if he had asked me, I would have said yes, it did turn into a pink elephant and flew off into the sun in a yellow horse, Mr Tiger. Yes, Sir!

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System 36 Sucks.

I just played my best game ever on the Rahman Putra Championship course and I am no where near the winner in the tournament I was in.

My course handicap is 19, and to be honest, I certainly will be extremely lucky to play at 19. I am more of a 22 – 23, because my golf has descended into a somesort of hellhole for the past few years.

But today, it’s just something that clicked.

OK, I know some of you might snicker, saying, your best freaking score is 90? You’re pathetic, Gilagolf, you should try to play lacrosse instead.

I started the tournament on the 10th and proceeded to mess that one up in front of the whole gallery. I messed up the second one as well, before steadying the ship somewhat to get my first point on the board. After 3 holes.

But then it sorted out. I alternated 3 bogeys and 3 pars over the final six, including a par on the index 2 monster hole, which I’ve never done before in my life.

Making the turn, in front of another gallery, I bunkered my tee, and 3 putted for double. The par 3 tough hole? Took two to get out of the sand. You can imagine how crap I am at sand shots.

But after that, I went on an incredible (for me) run of six straight pars, with a string of missed birdies, some lucky recovery and crazy putting. I never had six pars in a row before, and this includes the index 1 hole. So, I parred Index 1 and Index 2 on KRPM. That’s why I consider this as my best game, with six in a row, and index holes parring. I messed up the rest, though, ending with 9 pars, 3 bogeys, 3 doubles and 3 triples.

If I was a 19 handicapper, I would have scored 37 points. As it is, thanks to system 36, my handicap was lowered to 15 and I scored 33 points!

How does system 36 work?

It’s generally for people not to buaya. But I am not a buaya. I so happened to have a great game in my limited standards.So with 9 pars, I accrued 18 points (9×2 points for par or better), 3 bogeys would make it 3 points (3×1 point for bogey) and 0 points for others (3×0 points for double bogey or worse. So my “point” here is 18+3 = 21. Wait, these are NOT your stableford points. This is to calculate new handicap. Hence, my new handicap is 36 – 21 = 15. Since this is lower than my actual one at 19, the tourney guys used 15 instead.

The last time I played to a 15 was probably when cro-magnon primitives roamed the earth killing mammoths.

So, now with the handicap, we calculate the stableford, which of course, makes me lower, since I no longer have 1 stroke per hole and 2 stroke for the index 1 hole (which I parred, meaning I had a net eagle).

So despite playing like a demon for the six parred holes, I land myself at the second lowest handicap and in the middle of the pack for the tournament.

How do you escape system 36? Birdie…or bogey, don’t par. That way, your blow holes are not penalised so heavily. At least this is what someone told me. But try telling a golfer NOT to hit the putt just to avoid par is like telling a t-rex to be a vegetarian for life.

Why can’t we just trust each other’s handicap and trust there’s no buayas and play to our handicap. If we get a solid game in, reward us!! It’s not like we’re ever gonna do it again!

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Tasik Puteri and Other Thoughts for the Week

Those who follow this blog knows that there are a few courses that I absolutely detest. And one of it is the 3rd nine in Tasik Puteri. I had to play it again recently, and again, fared horribly. It just annoys me. Being long is one thing, but having a character as interesting as a piece of brick is another. Strangely, moving into the first nine, my game didn’t improve at all, scoring a pair of 48s, in what is a very bad game for me. The par 3s in Tasik Puteri is just fantastically horrible. And most of the holes are set up to kill the hook…which is my bad shot. I wish I had a slice as a bad shot, but no, almost every single hole, there was trouble on the left. Even one of the par 3s, set up to resemble the famous island green in TPC Sawgrass, the way a rotted banana found in the dumpster resembles fine caviar.

Anyway, speaking of TPC Sawgrass, the big news was that the Big Fijian Vijay Singh is suing the PGA tour for investigating him for using deer antler spray.

I know, it really sounds stupid. And I don’t know which part of it does in the above sentence. Investigating for using deer antler spray? Stupid PGA Tour. Suing a tour that had given you close to 67 million USD in prize money over the years? That’s just cold. His premise was that the PGA Tour didn’t investigate properly whether they banned substance was material to affect his golf game. He said he used it to ease his back, the way we use deep heat or YOKO YOKO, I guess.

So PGA Tour messed up.

Now Vijay Singh is suing them because he felt he was ‘humiliated’.

I don’t know, I just think there are things to just let go and forgive each other for being a di*k. Vijay has always been painted as a bad guy, and this won’t do any favours for his image. Congrats, Vijay. You just put “Deer Antler Spray” into my vocabulary the way the word “Gerrymandering” has entered into my vocabulary this weekend.

Let’s just get some golf games in and watch the Players Championship starting tomorrow, shall we?

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Marilah Mengundi….

As a kid, one of those songs that stayed in my head, aside from the Transformers Theme song and that blasted Pizza Hut delivery 755-25-25 song…would be this Marilah Mari, Pergi Mengundi.

No, you won’t see a rant from me against the government or against the opposition. Frankly with all the mudslinging from both sides, and propaganda, and false pictures on facebook etc….I’m just a little tired, want Sunday to come and play golf next week.

I have close friends who are BN supporters, and close friends who are Opposition supporters. But that doesn’t mean we kill each other. I mean, deep inside, all my pals are voting for the same thing: more free days to golf. No, kidding. We’re voting for our nation’s future. Am I glad to see a strong opposition (be it whichever party come 5 May)? Of course, what would the Democrats be without the GOP? What would the elephant be without the donkey? It’s check and balance. It’s like a birdie and bogey. It balances your golf karma, it is the yin to your yang, it’s the chi to the chi-tung, whatever the heck that meant. I love this country and all its flaws, much like how I love playing golf.

Of course, the opposition has gained ground, despite the mainstream newspapers lambasting them. I must admit, those adverts in the Star newspaper were in poor taste. A vote for DAP is a vote for PAS? What the hell are you yamming about? They quote everything about Kelantan from their own sources, the Star. Who the craphole would do that?

Me: “As a wise man said-We are all beings of pre-cognisant entities”

You: “That sounds wise. Who said that, Ghandi?”

Me: “No, me. I am quoting me.”

You: “Loser.”

Which generally Star newspaper is. Losers. I completely hate that piece of trash tabloid now, because they make garbage look like diamonds. It’s worse than garbage. If the entire world’s sewerage filled with 7 Billion human being’s crap, along with possible 20 billion animal crap were to come pouring down, into one single gigantic hole of crap, it would only constitute 0.01% of the stink and feces that Star Newspaper actually represent. I’m not pro or anti government by a long shot, but this piece of Nazi propaganda has to stop. Because it’s childish. It belittles the reader. I rather be sucking on a poisonous Gila Monster’s big toe than to read another word of your paper.

And I feel bad for the Kelantanese. I know a lot of friends from there. I mean how would you like it if this sorry-a$$ newspaper keep picking on your hometown and calling it a HIV filled turdhole? I’d beat up the Star editor, and tee up the ball on his face.

As for the opposition, it doesn’t get better. I see some email that is obviously doctored on Word, stating a million foreign guys were on their way. Aduh. Ini obviously a hoax lah. The emails addresses or the foreign voter threat might be real but once you have an email in a Word Doc, it’s no longer credible.

One FB even sent this one, stating that this is KLIA and all the buses are waiting in line to fetch all the foreign voters.

Eh, this one mana ada KLIA? It looks like a place in California la. Unfortunately, all these pictures just create more hatred and anger, and comments. Citizens and gilagolfers, separate the truth from the turds. Don’t be like the Star Newspaper, the people’s turd paper. If we stoop to their level of imbecility in reporting nonsense and pass it off as truth, we, ourselves are to be admonished. Quote, Gilagolf.

I’m glad the campaign is almost over. I didn’t see any debates like civilized countries have. All I see was mud, racism, anger, foul language, gangsterism from all sides invovled. And yeah, a whole lot of stupid banners and flags. Can someone tell whoever has this idea that this used to work in 1923, but is considered retarded in 2013? I mean, why the hel* would I care about a damn flag placed 2 feet apart from each other, except to make me think: Did these turd monkeys use my MONEY to make these stupid flags??!??

Sign. Come Sunday, I know what I’ll be doing. Walking with my family to the polling station and casting my vote. Whatever the outcome on Sunday night, I will accept it. And play golf again hopefully next week and forget about the craziness that has been the past 2 weeks.

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The Wizard of OZ

I just want to be the first to put up this headline because there will be hundreds who want to put this up. Remember, Gilagolf did it first, approximately 1 minute 20 seconds after Adam Scott holed his putt on the second playoff hole to beat Dr Octopus aka Angel Crabera.

The Wizard of OZ wins the masters, and makes it the first time for Australia. And yes, he high fives Steve Williams way better than Mr Tiger Woods.

If Dr Octopus had won it, my other headline would be: “Touched by an Angel.”

I should take up a career in headline writing.

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Gilagolf Prediction Engine for Masters 2013

OK.

It was pre-mature to crown Tiger Woods for his Augusta major this year. But who’d have thought this sequence would occur:

1. Hit a perfect shot on a par 5 15th, his 3rd shot.
2. So well that it hit the flag and rebounded into the water. (??)
3. Angry so he drops the ball, 2 yards back from where he hit his 3rd.
4. 2 yards. Back.
5. Hit a perfect shot, but later got penalized for a wrong drop.
6. Hard to contend with absolute nutters who say he should DQ himself. I hear a lot of stupid remarks in my life, but golfers really take the cake for stupidity. This isn’t honesty people. This is stupidity. This is like John Terry who fouled Luis Suarez in the penalty box, and then forces the ref to give Luis Suarez the penalty and then gives himself the red card and send himself off. Why are golfers, especially those who stay up late and watch the Masters and blog about it, so absolutely DUMB? Aiyoh.

Anyway, from a birdie shoo-in, he got a bogey, and then compounded with another +2, that turns it to triple bogey. So we had a 4 stroke swing there. That changed everything. That cost him the tournament. Which begs the question to Tiger: You have played in Augusta freaking 19 times. How the heck did you drop that wrongly??

So who is left?

Tiger is stuck at -4. He would have been the co-leader if he had not lost 4 strokes on that 15th. Fine. Our prediction engine works. It just doesn’t take into account balls hitting the flag and crazy viewers complaining that Tiger wrongly dropped his ball. Bubba Watson is right. These guys who complain needs to get a LIFE.

First is Angel Cabrera aka Dr Octopus. Is he going to win? He won it before. But he is WILD. He’s like a WILD buffalo in the plains of western Ohio. When pressure hits him especially the back 9, he’s going to choke, because his swing just can’t hold up. He won a few years back thanks to that Perry guy choking and losing a 2 stroke lead with 2 holes to play.

Chasing him are 3 Australians, looking to be the first Australians winning the Masters. This might be the year, after the nightmare that Greg Norman endured, it took decades for Australians to find their belief again. Anyways. Day, Scott and Leishman. Adam Scott I don’t think so, after what he endured in the British Open. Too many demons. Leishman we don’t think so as well, because he’s a nobody. Augusta gods generally don’t like first timers who hasn’t put their numbers yet, unlike the PGA championship gods, also known as the major with the biggest amount of nobodies as winners.

There’s a guy called Brandt Snedeker also in the mix. But we already said, as long as he doesn’t cut his hair, he ain’t gonna win it.

So that leaves Jason Day, who looks half Asian, and who we will be predicting to be Augusta champion. The first Australian to do so!

Oh by the way, Bubba Watson, our Masters champion made the cut. But he shot a +10 on the par 3 12th, the famous Amen Corner par 3. That is a sextuple bogey. That’s humiliating Bubba. But wait, he’s not the only one. There’s our all time favourite hacker, Kevin Na, the king of high scores and the most likely person that should not be playing on the PGA tour due to the embarassment he has endured as a pro through his career. I hate to hit an Asian brother when he’s down but…..WHY IS KEVIN NA A PRO WHEN HE PLAYS LIKE CRAP???!?! Kevin Na also shot a 10 but that’s nothing compared to his duodecuple bogey a few years back, a +12 over. So this guy is really used to playing lousy golf and an inspiration for hackers all over the world, that you could actually play crap golf and play at the top level! NA!!!!

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The Masters Begin

It’s 5 a.m here and I’m up.

Despite the fact that workload has piled up and that I have to work over weekend. Despite the fact that my wife is away and I am handling my 10 month old son on my own for a week. Despite the fact that I am still recovering from watching the most hideous horror show the day before called Juventus vs Bayern Munich where my favourite team played like a bunch of lizards soaked in vodka.

Now it’s 5:30 and I just managed to get my little one to sleep after waking up for the 45th time tonight.

But this is Augusta.

Of all the 4 majors of golf, the first major is probably the most coveted, and the most watched major of all time.

There are several story lines here. Rory McIlroy came off number 2 last week at the texas open. Will he win? Don’t think so. Although his girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki looks hot in the all white caddy outfit during the par 3 contest. And she duffs it like us. So cute.

Tianlang Guan (I think that’s Guan Tian Lang)is hovering around the cut at +4 now although he started day 1 well, but he was penalised +1 for slow play by a guy called John Paramor. He’s a 14 year old from China with the possibility to make the cut, John. Now WTH would you penalise a 14 year old from China who could probably make history in modern major? I say modern, meaning there was a guy younger than Guan called Young (apparently there was an old) Tom Morris in 1865 who played in the Open who was younger. Back then, the average age of the field was 18 years old and the population of the world was around 1,239. The number of people Tom Morris competed with was 8, in addition to the resident porcupine. In Augusta, by far, this chinaboy is the youngest. Now, John Paramor can make the headlines by cutting history from the field with the spirit of golf rules, also called retarded anal, and borderline racist rule. We’ll see.

And Bubba Watson, the returning Augusta champion is now +5 and looking very likely to miss the cut. It’s the worst to miss the cut when you are a defending champion in Augusta because you have to stay for the next 2 days to wait for the ceremony where you put on the green jacket for the champion. So, you miss the cut, make $0, endure the humiliation of hanging around Augusta or walking with the gallery and with the knowledge that your hook shot last year to win was an absolute fluke, and getting ribbed by the real champions that your ass just got pwned by a 14 year old from China. Bubba’s already fragile mental state is going down the crap and he’ll end up like Michael Campbell and miss the next 87 cuts of his life. He cried during the pre tournament game, showing his absolute lack of control. After today’s game, apparently he curled up in the 18th hole bunker and bawled like a baby, until John Paramor had to assess him as Unfit for Champion penalty.

And finally there is Tiger. He just saved par on the treacherous 11th as I typed this and now approach the par 5 12th with a vengeance. He is tied for the lead. And unlike last year where he was prone to self destruction, he seems pretty in control and has two Aussies (Day and Leishman) and a octogenarian (Fred Couples) for company. If Tiger gets paired with Freddy on the 3rd day, look for him to move up. He plays well with Fred Couples because Fred Couples is so easy going, it looks like he’s about to stroll off for a smoke any minute. Tiger will absolutely kill the course on 3rd day and for the final day, he’ll make a few mistakes but end up winning. Trust me, Gilagolf sees it.