A Letter To Y.E

Dear Y.E.,

First of all, congratulations for smacking down the world number 1 golfer in the 91st PGA Championship, the fourth Major of the calendar golf year, and being the biggest, greatest Asian golfer of all time.

Apologies at hand for literally looking down on your chances, but seriously, how could  anyone predict:

1) You making two shots on the final day when everyone else on the leaderboard played like 18 handicapped hookers. As in ball hookers, you know. Golf balls.

2) You getting that eagle chip in on the drivable 14th. Seriously, they set those up for Tiger to put in, not you. You must have missed the unofficial advertisers briefing. But you know what, you don’t speak English, so you probably didn’t get what those white sponsors were saying anyway.

3) You escaping from various positions on the course a’la Tiger. I mean, that punch out from one of the holes on the first 9…that was pretty amazing stuff. Tiger’s supposed to do it you know, according to the advertisers..oh wait, forget it.

4) You being the first Asian to hold a major trophy. Now, we can finally stick it to our bosses who refuses our leaves to play golf, and you’ve proven that tiny little asian dudes who don’t speak a word of English can not only win a Major, but beat the greatest player in the world, and also giving him a headstart of 2 strokes, and finally walloping him 3 strokes. I mean seriously, that means, you scored a massive 5-0 on Tiger Woods. You ARE the greatest player in the world Y.E Yang.

5) You not being able to speak English. I thought it was amazing that the PGA official holding the mic while you were speaking in the award ceremony would be nodding as if he understood what you were saying. I understood Korean, and I know you had your interpreter filter it out for you, because you said, “To all those who think a short, yellow skin, oriental guy cannot stand up to strong, burly, black americans, I stick this to you: Asians rock. We rule the world and the massive army of Asian golfers will now march across your american homeland and conquer every blade of grass in the Augustas and Sawgrasses of your kingdom and rule with our iron wedges. All will submit under the eastern golf empire!” At this point, your cackling made the crew visibly uncomfortable and they had to yank the mic away from you. But hey, we support your, Y.E.

A little note of worry though. We know that KJ Choi is literally worshipped back in Korea, and any Korean golfers who would be persumptuous enough to win a major before KJ gets his might get into an awful lot of trouble. The KJ clan might send some ninjas to get you. If so, our home is always open for you. We did sense a little bit of worry in you when Tiger began playing like a dog.

That’s why you smiled when you three putted the 17th. But that useless Tiger bogeyed it also!!

And then the 18th, when you knew there was a tree in front of you. You wanted to hit it, right? So you would lose the tournament but everyone would say how brave you were to challenge the tree. You hit it flush and God knows how you avoided that tree.

Finally, Tiger over chipped and you know, there was nothing you could do.But to win.

And what a win it was. A win for Korea, a win for Asians, a win for the entire world of Underdogs. This would be how we felt if Tom Watson had the guts to win the British Open. But this is way better, because you’re one of us, and you stuck it to the best that America had to offer.

Regards,

Gilagolf Editorial Team