Golf's GOAT

The chairman of Nike has dismissed Tiger Woods affairs as a 'minor blip'

Every once in a while, sports will churn up a champion that is beyond reason, sparking off the time honored discussion of the GOAT, the Greatest Of All Time. For Tennis, there is Federer and Sampras. For football, Pele and Maradona. For basketball, Jordan and Bird. For ping-pong, Hang Tze Hwa and Vasily Zilokavaey. I made the last two up but they sound really legendary.

For golf, we have on one side the guy holding 18 majors, a family man and an upright citizen. On the other side, we have a philandering guy holding 14 majors, with the potential to win 30 but for his recent fall from grace where his sex mistresses are currently at 13, one less than his majors. Well, 14 if you plus his model wife.

Tiger, tiger, tiger.

Instead of harping on the obvious (that it is not nice to sleep with so many women for health and spiritual reasons), Gilagolf will put it in perspective.

Tiger plays golf.

He’s still a great golfer.

Which begs the question, with his stock dropping, smart sponsors should and must go in now! Imagine if we bought citibank at 90 cents. It’s up to 4 bucks now!! Tiger’s value is crashing like GM, but given the fickleness of America and his obvious greatness in golf and the very fact that you have a name TIGER; people like Tag, AT&T, Gatorade must be crazy to be ‘reconsidering’ their sponsorship deals.

And Accenture, i.e consultants, i,e people who have no idea what the baloozas is happening anywhere (I know since I’m one of ’em), actually DROPPED Tiger and abandoned him at his darkest hour. On the other extreme, I like Nike the best, when the chairman says this:

“When his career is over, you’ll look back on these indiscretions as a minor blip, but the media is making a big deal out of it right now.”

Um, no, Mr Chairman, you dumb nut. What Tiger did was not a MINOR BLIP. It just shows how immoral Nike is and how absolutely chauvinistic their principles are. YOU SUCK, NIKE! Adidas FOREVER!¬†When you are married and you have sex with 13 other women, that is not a Blip. That is a major, major screwup and Tiger should be whipped 80 times and castrated and all the women in the world go…”Yeah!”

But we still love Tiger because first and foremost, he is the GOAT of golf. No doubt, no second thoughts. He has provided enough inspiration for all of us hackers to actually play this stupid game. It’s a waste of time, money and it gives you skin cancer, but can any of you honestly tell me you got the goosebumps watching old dudes like Palmer and Nicklaus play? Boring. Or young punks like Anthony Kim and Sergio Garcia play? Copycats. Or handsome dudes like Adam Scott and John Daly play? Chokers. Nope, Tiger will and always will be the GOAT of golf, from the day Adam and Eve got booted out of Eden until the day the trumpets sound and rapture comes.

Tiger, if for any strange reason you are reading this article, Gilagolf is willing to be your sponsor. Unfortunately we only have 39.90USD to pay you per year, but seeing how the other sponsors are flying off like chickens, except for the immoral and evil Nike, I’d suggest you think about it. We can print out Gilagolf on your cap if you’d like. We’re serious.

Oh, and just kidding about the castration part. No offense taken, eh?

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