I know. We don’t kick someone when they are already knocked down. Neither do we write proper journalism or report when other websites and blogs do a better job at that.
But come on, Rory. You were our golden boy before you became the world’s golden boy. You were the great inspiration after suffering from a mental breakdown in Augusta, and then went on to win the US Open and PGA Championship. You became World Number One, ironically at last year’s Honda Classic, the very same event that yesterday, you QUIT. Frankly, we think the World Number One title was the first mistake you made. You’re not ready for it. Secondly, your relationship with that tennis girl, Carol Wozniaki. I mean, I get it. She’s hot. But it ain’t gonna work, because you guys travel so much, and her thighs are larger than yours, and she likely benches heavier than you.
Anyway, we know you are a hack. You’ve proven that even when you are capable of some ridiculously great golf, you are still a hacker. The way you play is streaky, like us. Your mental strength is as strong as a squid’s backbone, your swing, at its worst, resembles a python wrapping around a tapir. That’s giving birth.
But today, you are no longer one of us. You cannot even be lumped with the 832 million registered hackers around the world. Because you broke our one code of conduct.
YOU DO NOT QUIT.
Quitting is one of the WORST action a hacker can have. Why? Because in every round we play, things usually get SO bad, that quitting crosses our mind invariably. Invariably. When we hook our 10th ball OB. When we duff our bloody chip again. When we miss that 2 footer, for the 7th time, to settle for our quadrumulticle (+43) bogey. Don’t you think we have that thought as well, Rory? Don’t you think we are humans as well, with vestige of pride, especially when we observe the course resident monkeys cackling at us, and possibly, playing better than us? Don’t you think on the sixth hole of almost every game,we want to walk off because our game sucked so bad that even the python and tapir analogy does not begin to describe our retarded swings??!
But we don’t. Quit. That’s the law. No matter how badly we struggle, we keep at it, we continue on, we soldier on, because all around the world, millions of similarly skilled golfers are doing the same. There is fellowship in the fraternity of suffering. It shows we are martyrs for golf. Even when we are down in every game and we know our flight mates are laughing at us, and taking our lunch money.That’s the price we pay. That’s the measure of manhood in golf. We never say die.
Now, I know your skills are possibly better than ours. But this applies to you as well. The moment you desecrate this law, you fall lower than the lowest scum in golf. You become John Daly’s only peer in the Scum category.
And your excuse? We’ll pretend we didn’t hear that. It’s pathetic. It makes you look like a crybaby. And we all know it’s a lie. It’s a flat out lie. You should have just manned up and continued with the truth: That you sucked, you were humiliated, you are the world Number one but play like an idiot, you made a mistake by making a stupid decision to quit. Take the fine or ban and move on. At least, even John Daly never lied about his reason to quit. He honestly says he has no more balls, after dumping his entire bag of balls into the lake.
Toothache? After all Tiger Woods have done to make golf a respectable, athlete’s sport, with some semblance of fitness in there, you sent it back to the dark ages with that statement. A world number 1. Quitting because his teeth is painful. They should strip you of your dignity and hang you out to dry and never let you represent the game of golf ever again.
This is written out of sheer disappointment, Rory. Not spite or malice. After supporting you throughout your rise to world number 1 (although you’re a placeholder until Tiger gets it back), you have betrayed the trust of every golf hacker in the world. You quit. You lied. And you chose Nike’s money over your own career. Tiger wins IN SPITE of Nike, not BECAUSE of. And Tiger never walks away, unless he’s injured. Even when he was playing like a twit. You should have thought about it before going to the dark side.
You’re done, Rory. You might still be world number one officially, but in reality, you can’t represent golf anymore, because you are a quitter and a liar, and you can only take successes but not the failures. For all of Tiger’s mistakes off the course, he never sullied the name of golf like you did as world number one. To hackers, this is similar to Lance’s Armstrong’s lies and cheats, it’s not forgivable. You’ve disrespected the tournament, the people who paid to see you and overall, the game of golf.
Tiger, the game of golf needs you back!