Gilanalysis 12: Templer Park

Handicap:20

Gross: 100

Net: 80

Verdict: As the Paula Abdul song goes: 2 steps forward and 2 steps back

What Happened

I really feel like saying, with all my heart, with every ounce of pain and anguish that my good friend Michael Corleone had expressed when he said the same lines: “Just when I think I’m out…they pull me back IN!!!”

Out means, out of the woods. Out of the crappy drives that spins unreasonably to the right into OBlivion. Out of the lousy golf that constantly haunts me whenever, especially when I play on this particular golf course.

They means, heck I don’t know, the golfing gods, the lousy driver, the horrendous caddies in Templer Park, the mystifying reason why I chunk all my wedges or the greens were all the size of Brazil.

After all the pluses from Gunung Raya, my game went south today, but it didn’t start too bad. In fact, I parred my first hole! The second could actually be a par, but I topped badly my first tee shot into OB (yes, a par 3), but my third landed sweetly and I just missed by bogey save by a hair. In fact the next two holes were excellent, except I brain farted on my chips and wedges. I was actually putting unconscious, bombing the 10 footers, one putting 4/5 holes.

I don’t know where it started to slide, but I was feeling pretty good on the front nine, despite my scores looking extremely sorry….most of it were due to aggressive approaches due to the fact we had our RM3 bet going per hole, which is a huge huge capital to outlay.

Back nine was when I killed myself. Or rather the caddy. Hole 10, was a normal shot, into the rough. She looks all around and couldn’t find it. I looked all around and couldn’t find it. Dropped ball, triple on a relatively easy hole. Hole 11, snapped hooked 3 balls into OBlivion, but luckily I found my first ball! Double. The rest: Survival mode. I don’t remember much as I hardly saw the sunlight, playing from tree to tree. I ABSOLUTELY DESTEST the par 5 hole 15. Whoever created it is a sadist. Jungle jungle framing every inch of this hole, that drops down into a blind green. The last hole was fun. I tried to thwack it across the pond, only to have it veer to the right towards the longest carry. It nearly carried, just hit the rocky embankment and trickled back in.

Why I Sucked

I am this close to throwing away my driver with the new shaft recommended by the shady salesman in MST golf. Also, my wedges was absolutely horrid. And also: Caddies. I generally have little patience for them, but Templer Park Caddies is right up there with all the WORST CADDIES IN MALAYSIA: Air Keroh and Impiana following right behind. I know, caddies are not to be blamed for crocked swings, but here goes the warning: I don’t mind them being uneducated, but here were the issues we had with them:

1) Both caddies regularly left us attending ourselves on the green, seeking shelter in the shade while we putted. We had to take up the flag, place it back etc. One of my pals flipped after the 4th hole and really grilled both of them until they were probably crying. I say probably, since we couldn’t see their eyes, as they were wrapped up like Laurence of Arabia.But come on, caddies, do your job, instead of staying out of the sun!

2) Couldn’t find balls. My friend lost a ball just off the rough. I lost my ball on the 10th. Another friend also lost a ball that could have been found. They had such horrendous attitude. I watched my ball sail close – about 5 feet or so – to the caddy from the other buggy in the rough. She just walked away, and as we approached and didn’t see the ball, she just called from the green saying, “Saya Ingat Plug. (I think it’s plugged)”. I told her in less than complementary terms to get her elongated butt down to the rough and tell us where in blazes was it ‘plugged’, and we had to search for it.

3) Terrible distance. NEVER LISTEN TO the caddies in Templer. Never. Not even if they warn you that there is a meteor shower heading your way, or that a hurricane is coming, or Godzilla had risen from the pond in hole 18. Pack of lies. Also, they never read the green. You know why? Because they are always looking to be in the shade, those lazy Laurences of Arabia!

Not So Sucked

Putter was smokin! Also, despite the really crappy caddy service, kudos to the course master, this lady who looks like she’s going to chew you for lunch and spit on your bones. She’s those tall, loud and bossy lady like my school discipline teacher. In fact she looks exactly like Coach Beiste in Glee!

Yike.

We didn’t book, so we were bumped to the 9:10 am flight (having arrived in templer at 7!). BTW, Templer Park golf works in Cambodian time, one hour behind. So they only have a counter lady there at 8-ish, so no need to go so early next time lor. Anyway, this dragon course master took pity on us and by 8:30 am, sandwiched us between two booked flights, with a stern “You better play fast!” and I was like, it pays to have some pathetic puppy dog face to remind dragon ladies of their sons. Aww. She’s a nice lady at heart, bless her.

What to Work On

Driver. What else? When your ball is spinning 90 degrees to the right, there’s something seriously baboonish about the swing.

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