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Adam Scott = Greatest Choker of All Time?

I honestly cannot believe what is happening.

After Adam Scott birdied the 14th, I gave up watching and decided to watch UFC at Fox Premium Movie.

Now I turn back, and Adam Scott bogeyed 17th , messed up 18th drive and now hitting 3 into the 18th…..

And now has a 5 footer to tie.

The question here is WHY? You are leading by 4 with 4 to go? And you go and bogey 15, 16, 17 and pressure yourself on the 18th? Are you on weed, Adam Scott?

Are Australians destined to be the greatest chokers of all time? Remember ’96 Augusta, the collapse of Greg Norman after a six shot final day lead? Or Thomas Bjorn, who led by 3 with 4 to play in the 2003 British Open, and took 3 to get out of the bunker on the 16th? CHOKE. How about Jean Van De Velde? 3 stroke lead and choked at the Carnoustie.

And guess what? Adam Scott just lost the British Open.

WHAT AN ABSOLUTELY WORST CHOKER EVER, A TRUE GILAGOLFER HALL OF FAMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seems that we jinxed him when we gave him the Gilagolf winner about an hour ago. It seems that justice has been done, that a racist will not win anything this year. I’m talking about the Racist Steve Williams, not the sotong Adam Scott.

After that, 4 bogeys in the row, and one of our Gilagolf favourites, Mr Ernie Els, WINS IT!

How powerful is the Gilagolf Jinx?


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The Open Final Round: Game of Idiots

Here’s the official one.

Adam Scott wins the 2012 British Open.

He has about six holes left, but I’ll just put it down as he has won it. In fact, they should just give it to him right now and save us the trouble. The entire bunch of PGA professionals who earn millions a year have suddenly started to hack around like some pathetic Gilagolfers.

Tiger? He did an absolutely stupid shot on the sixth where he hit into the wall of bunker en route to a triple bogey. That would have been ok, if not he just slammed in 3 bogeys as well, and all of them absolutely stupid putting. Can someone tell him to just get rid of the god awful Nike putter he is using?? He TRULY SUCK at Nike Putter! Go back to your scotty cameron!!! Anyway, he’s gone, as he bogeys 14th to fall back to -3. Six back, too much to play, another pathetic final round showing of a guy who used to own the final rounds of major. Blasted Nike equipment messing up Tiger Woods.

Snedeker? He’s been out of it since Saturday. I don’t even know why he’s playing golf.

Graeme McDowell? The way he swings reminds me of a friend of mine, who plays to a 24 handicap. They have similar swings. And Graeme is an absolutely horrendous player. His only major was due to that equally stupid Dustin Johnson messing up.

Great. As I write this, Adam Scott just birdied 14th. He has to be AN ABSOLUTE USELESS PIECE OF CRAP if he loses this Open. It’s not that I don’t like Adam Scott. I just don’t like his racist caddy, Steve Williams, who should have been shot and hung. Adam Scott doesn’t look like anyone who likes to pick a fight, so I guess he just swept it under the carpet. I can’t believe that idiot Steve Williams can get away with calling someone Black Asshole when John Terry or Luis Suarez has to get punished for the same sort of remark.

Anyway, Ernie just bogeyed. Tiger just bogeyed.

Everyone just absolutely sucked. Such a lousy final round of the Open. I’m done ranting.

Well done, Adam Scott. Don’t celebrate too much by letting your racist caddy’s big mouth run again!

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Greatest disappointments of The Open 2012

Well it’s down to 18 more holes and surprise, Tiger is up to fourth position. I thought for sure when he messed up the two par 5s on Friday, especially the second one, that he would spiral down into crap land that he has always done before. But birdie 16th and hole out birdie from sand on 18th? Classic Tiger.

Today? You have no idea, but about 13 billion people plus from the alien planet that Tiger comes from were hoping against hope that the final putt on the 18th green, a relatively easy 15 footer, left to right uphill would go in. If it did, he would be -7 and in all probability, book a final slot with Adam Scott. It’s not so much with Adam Scott, who has a personality of a wombat, but a matchup against his fiery caddy, a Steve Williams who famously called his ex-employer who gave him more than 10 million USD during their time together, a black asshole.

As it is, Mr Woods purposely missed it, and we lost a cracking shot at possibly the greatest final round ever in a major.

Anyway, aside from that, which is listed number 1 disappointment in the Open this year, here is the second largest disappointment of this year:

Moe, Larry and Curly, or more accurately, the world number 1 -3.

Moe, Larry and Curly represents the 3 clowns that are currently above Tiger Woods in the world ranking. Here’s they are:

These 3 jokers are a constant embarassment to the game. They truly suck, yet annoyingly, they are playing placeholders for world number 1 ranking. We’ve never seen such weak world number 1 -3 in the entire history of the sport, eversince they disallowed chimps to compete in the open back in 1741.

Luke Donald is officially the worst world number 1 ever. Ever. Yet again he proves he will NEVER win a major, and they should actually just tranquilise him now in every major he will play from here on. Despite yakking about his ability and his promise, the fact remains is this: He suck as a world number 1. He has no personality and he looks like Luke Skywalker…and like Luke Skywalker, who plays second fiddle to Han Solo, Luke Donald will never be able to match up to golf’s black Han Solo, who is now world number 4. He is Tied 14. 10 STROKES back.

Rory? After today’s astounding 73, he says he lost faith in his swing. He’s probably swinging better with his tennis girlfriend. Everyone’s saying his 19th holes are costing him his game, and they might be right. Too many nights with that girl, Carol Wozniakiskoncheskykanchelkiskovicaabdulmaniamchong. Whatever her name is. Rory is gone. He’s gone the way of Sergio. He’s tied 54. 15 strokes away. He will play well tomorrow. He always plays well when there’s no pressure.

Lee Westwood? Less said about fatty the better. He is also tied 54, 15 strokes away.

The reason why I am so pissed is this: Golf needs winners and champions. You put these 3 yiddling europeans up there, and you get a sterile piece of crap heaped on top of this game. They are astoundingly wicked and cruel to the game of golf, simply because they not only suck, but they have absolutely no drive or personality. Remember when we had the big 4? Tiger, Phil, Ernie and Vijay. Remember when Vijay would smack down Tiger, Tiger would smack Phil and Ernie would be like Federer, always being neutral, but internally hates Tiger because he gets all the porn stars? Albeit old porn stars that look like prunes? Remember?

Golf needs what tennis has. A top 3 that can win majors. A top 3 that’s always up there, whacking and smacking each other in the head. A top 3 that can contend. That’s why we love Tennis now, because Fed, Rafa and Djokovic can really belt in, and their personalities are so interesting, and so conflicting against each other.

Damn, I miss Vijay and his smack talk. VEEJ, get back to form, man!!

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The Tale of Two Champions

Tiger Woods and Roger Federer

Once upon a time, two fellow sports giant ruled their sport. One with clubs and the other with racquets. They conquered their foes one by one enroute to winning majors after majors, each setting their own records in their respective sport, each dazzling their opponents and became known as the Destroyers of Hope. They literally destroyed hope in their fellow competitors.

Then, a strange thing happened.

One of the giants fell, pounded in the face by his wife, revealed to be not a god, but a true devil, sleeping with 2000 women and found in bed with another woman as his real wife was giving birth. The other giant sort of fell, due to injury and the birth of his twin daughters to a not so hot wife. In any case, both were replaced as the alpha male in their sport. The first replaced by a trio of European misfits, one sporting pubic hair on his head; the other giant replaced by a Spanish neanderthal and a Serbian communist.

This year, the year of the Dragon, these giants will rise. The first one, usually decked in red is still coming to terms with his newfound powers, and beset with inconsistency still by winning one week and missing the cut in the other, but surely rising to the top to reclaim his spot from the bunch of hopeless pretenders. The other giant, has now summit to number 1 again, and for all his sissy crying after winning Wimbledon, remains the GOAT of Tennis…the GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

Here are the side by side stats. Who is the GREATER?

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Tiger Show

Tiger Woods

When the world caved in and gave up on the only good, black golfer out there, Gilagolf stuck to him. When sunny weather fans like the god awful Accenture threw him on the wayside, and Tag Heuer crapped him, and Gillette and Gatorade shunned him like a leper and ironically AT&T threw him under the bus…Gilagolf stuck by him. Too bad the Gilagolf brand is worth slightly more than a discarded banana peel, but hey, at least we’re loyal, right.

Every post written has been how Tiger is going to come back and make these fair weather friends regret the day they rejected him. How he’s going to take back the number one spot from musical chairs clowns like Lee “Fatty” Westwood, Luke “Help me I can’t win a major” Donald, Rory “Help me I can’t make a cut” McIlroy and Martin “Help me I can’t hit a blardy Draw” Kaymer. I mean, it’s ridiculous. How can anyone in their right mind every write off a guy who has won more than anyone in this world?

Or even better here’s the statistics for the idiots who dropped Tiger:

Current Top 9 players in the world (minus Tiger) TOTAL WINS – 97

Tiger Woods Total Wins – 101

Tiger Woods have amassed more victories as a single person than Luke, Rory, Lee, Matt Kuchar, Webb Simpson, Bubba, Jason Dufner, Justin Rose and Hunter Mahan COMBINED. Are we on crazy pills?

Winning AT&T is just another step to getting back number 1 and stopping all these sorry excuse of golfers from playing pretend. Next up, winning back a major and getting back as the alpha dog.

This time, hopefully he stays away from the pornstars, and convert properly from Bootyism to Budhism.

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Gilagolf has turned Giladad

Gilagolf post is becoming fewer and far between, as golf activity has trickled to almost non-existent of late. On the 17th of June, I welcomed my first born into the world. And so began my string of sleepless night and going into morning meetings looking like I just got hit by a truck. Full of dung.

The first question that comes to mind is: How the heck can something so small cry so much? The second is: How the heck can something so small have so much shit? I mean, we’re talking about godzilla proportions here. He just drinks and drinks and craps and craps.

Anyway, just to let the Gilagolfers know that I’ll still be updating this occasionally, especially during the major tournaments, (how about Tiger choking like a dog?) and Tiger Woods and if I play again.

Otherwise, head over to http://giladad.com, it’s a sister blog dedicated to my rookie learnings of being a dad. It’s very much like golf, where I have absolutely no control usually, but when you get it, you get it.

Happy Hackin!

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You gotta love Sergio

I am really beginning to like Sergio Garcia.

When he started out, he was this cocky punk that thought the world owed him everything and that he would just go out and get it. He was a punk. And not a very nice punk. I remember wishing that he would mess up his putt to win the British Open at Carnoustie in 2007 – or was it 2008? The one that Padraig won. And he missed it badly and ended up losing out to Padraig.

But you know, over the years he has mellowed and now I am beginning to be his fan, because he is SUCH. A. HACKER.

I recall reading his classic interview after this year’s Augusta:

‘I’m not good enough, I don’t have the thing I need to have,’ said Garcia, in an extraordinary post-round interview with the Spanish press.

When the stunned group asked whether he meant winning the Masters, he replied: ‘Any major. In 13 years I have come to the conclusion that I need to play for second or third place.’

In the complex psychological world of top-class professional golf, did he mean if he stopped thinking about winning, it might actually happen?

Two eyewitnesses didn’t get that impression.

At one point, Garcia implored them: ‘Tell me something I can do. I had my chances and opportunities and I wasted them. I have no more options. I wasted my options.’

Classic. I love this guy now.

It’s like how Bubba just went on rambling after the first round at the Olympic:

Q. Is it a good golf course for the championship?

BUBBA WATSON: Yeah, just not good for me. It’s a lot better than I am. That golf course is too tough for me. But we got another day to try to fit and but there’s you’re always going to have guys that shoot low. Tiger Woods is always going to shoot low. Other guys will play good and Tiger going to play good.

This is a dude that won at Augusta. “Too tough for me”?

Is this what the new generation golfers are? Bunch of pansies that get beaten up by “a course”? WTF? Have you ever heard Tiger say anything like that? He’d rather eat dog shit than to admit the course is better than him. He wrote and told it to me himself when I emailed him a while ago:

Q. Tiger, with your swing resembling Jim Furyk on epilepsy, do you think you can now say, you can’t really play any course on the PGA tour now?

Tiger: I’d rather eat dog shit.

OK, leaving you with our favourite hacker son, El Matador, Sergio Garcia, and his hammer of justice on the microphone (what did the mic do???!)

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Taylor Made Experience

Last week, while hacking at Bangi, I managed to do something to the R11 driver that I have never done on any driver before.

I cracked it. They just don’t build the new drivers like the old school ones.

Here’s a way to do it: The TM R11 driver has a bit of defect, where if you toe the drive at a certain area, it WILL crack. This is due to the toe end of the driver being hollow and have no enforcements to hold it up at all. Of course you could say, don’t toe it then. Hey, we’re hackers. Every try to crank up your swing on a par 5 and whack it as hard as possible by overswinging and throwing your entire body into the ball till your hip is almost removed from its socket? Never tried it? Do it, and you will toe it, crack your driver and drive about 80 meters with a duck hook. It’s fun.

A quick google on “R11 Driver crack” and you’ll find hundreds of people having similar issues (crack driver, not removing hip from socket) . Unlike my buddies in US, where they crack a driver they just go and buy another, in Malaysia, because we have already mortgage our home to buy our super expensive and marked up golf equipments, our recourse is either insurance or complain to the manufacturer.

Malaysians being malaysians, we always try the second one.

My experience with Taylor Made was very positive. The guy I wrote to was Leonard Au (Leonard.Au@tmag.com) and not only was he very helpful and responded quickly, he facilitated to get a R11S driver for an additional RM400. Seems like there’s hope for Malaysian Service industry! Kudos Leonard!

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Will You Gamble on Tiger?

Ok, so we’re approaching the 112th US OPEN at the Olympic Club next week. A few short ones:

1) Tiger is back. Or is he? He’s been like the magic man, disappearing here and there, playing like a 20 handicapper, then from no where wins Arnie and Jack’s. Remember when he won Arnie’s and we said he would be in contention in Augusta. Nope, he played like a twit. It seems this new Tiger can’t really handle success as well as the old Tiger. Unless he wins a few in a row, my gamble is off him. It’d be safer to head over to Party Casino and try my luck there. We might have better odds, because trying to predict Tiger these days is like predicting how many times Lindsay Lohan is going to go to jail.

2) David Duval. Man, I miss him a lot. He just missed the qualifiers to the 2012 US Open. There doesn’t seem to be any way back for the man with the shades anymore, and I can only hope his career slides so much that he has to start playing at our local golf tournaments in KGNS so at least I can chill and take a photo with him. Man, I remember him in his glory days, gracing sports illustrated and looking like Perseus. Go DD!

3) Phil Mickleson is pissed. He texted the PGA commissioner to complain that too many people are using handphones on the course. Am I the only one who sees the irony here? Phil, come on, it’s just handphones. Dudes like Michael Jordan and Kobe has play basketball with this in their face:

As a sportsman, you should be trained to block off distractions, so stop being a crybaby Phil.

4) Young Guns: will we again be seeing musical chairs at world number 1? Rory is kinda crap right now, and Donald might be in a good spot to finally win his major and get his monkey off his back. What about Lee Westwood? Does Fats have it in him to break the duck?

So who will you be gambling on for next week’s US Open?

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The Old Familiar Feeling Again

Finally, golf is interesting again.

Instead of waxing lyrical about Tiger’s 73rd win at the age of 36 (Jack Nicklaus, arguably golf’s Greatest Of All Time – GOAT – was 10 years older when he nipped his 73rd win), let’s talk about how Tiger won it.

1) Rory – No, not our McIlroy, who has gone home to Wozniaki and cry together over their failures. Rory as in Sabbatini, the guy that likes to tweak Tiger’s ears and run off. Here’s the fact with Rory: he talks a big game but he doesn’t deliver. He talks. That’s it. He has never beaten Tiger in a true sense of the word…when they are head to head, mano e mano, because he can’t. He’s just not good enough. And Tiger gets super-powered when he knows a punk like Rory is ahead of him, winning one of his favourite tournaments with Jack Nicklaus watching. Watch out, Tiger Time is here.

2) The Young Guns – The young guns refer to a bunch of upstarts who are supposed to be the next Tiger Woods, in much the same way as there is supposed to be a next Michael Jordan. For both cases, it has been a demeaningly non-contest. Rory McIlroy was the next Tiger…but would Tiger fail to make a cut 3 times in a row at his Prime at number 1? Or play like a hack? Next up, Rickie Fowler, brother of Justin Bieber, I think. Staring down at this young gun, Tiger went on to shoot 67 to win the Memorial. His flight mate, Rickie, shot 84, which is worse than one of my Saturday flight mate, who earns approximately 7,800 times less than Rickie. And looks like Rickie’s carpet. And then you have a whole bunch of has-beens like Anthony Kim, Sergio Garcia, Ty Tyron and God knows who else. Tiger needs the motivation. He just needs to play with one of these punks and he gets Super-Powered.

3) Jack and Arnie – Jack’s tournament, Arnie’s tournament. Eversince his father passed on, the Gilagolf theory is that Tiger is always out to impress someone older and that he respected. Hence he always plays his best when the two best players in golf are hosting their tournaments. Plus it looks great on his CV. Can you imagine which introduction is better: Tiger Woods, winner of Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer’s tournament, or winner of Waste Management, Fries Open and Green Beer open? Super Powered.

Bring it on, US OPEN!