The Three Old Stooges

Now, I’m sure the golf world has been abuzz recently with the recent comments on Tiger Woods. As some of you know, Gilagolf is a rabid supporter of Tiger. Not because he’s a great player and all. It’s because without Tiger, watching golf SUCKS. Seriously. It’s blardy boring. Awful. Of course, thousands of articles have dissected what these 3 flers have to say about Tiger:

1. Greg Norman: “Tiger is scared of Rory.”

2. Nick Faldo: “Tiger has lost his aura.”

3. Johnny Miller: “I can train Tiger.”

The first 1 is actually a joke I think. I mean, it’s Greg Norman. He has been senile since he lost that six stroke lead in the 96 masters, shooting 78. Not many people know, he was then admitted to a mental asylum at Arkham and his publicity had a double dress up as Greg and has been impersonating the golfer since. Greg, oh Greg, you have been voted as ESPN’s greatest choke artist OF ALL TIME. You would be intimidated by a pigeon. Being roasted on a stick and half eaten. Of course, you have the right to see if someone is intimidated, you would know, right? There, there Greg, you can go back to your cell at the asylum, where no pigeons will coo at you. Thank you for one of the most hilarious, though sadly expectedly insane, statement of all time.

Nick Faldo, who actually is Harrison Ford’s twin brother is pretty bitter, because he used to bang all the girls that Tiger banged, and now likely Rory is banging. Pornstars seem to flock to golf world no 1. So Nick has beef against Tiger, for not sharing the pornstars with him. I mean, he’s a serial divorcee. And he looks like he has bathed in orange juice, with his pruny face! Anyways, has Tiger lost his aura? Don’t think so. Check out the crowds following him even now. He’s a million times bigger than Rory, and that piece of wood, Donald Sutherland. I mean Luke Donald. i can’t even get that joker’s name right!

Johnny Miller. I admit. I had to google this guy. Goodness. He’s a guy who won 2 majors. 2. To train a dude who has won seven times more. If greg was senile, Johnny Miller is taking cocaine. Honestly believe it. This can be the only explanation what possessed him to say things like that. They are just competing on coming up with the most purile, offensively stupid statements just to get attention to themselves, since the only ones who care about their opinion are their pet iguanas. I can’t even comment on this guy, because it’s like me telling Fernando Alonso that I can teach him how to drive an F1 car. This is really the craziest statement ever made by a guy who probably has had lobotomy done, and now operating entirely on animal instinct.

Here’s the story, you stooges.

The dashed line above is when Tiger Woods came into the tour. Before that, Golf was a sterile game played by white hair dudes who call themselves fearless names like “Shark”, but looks more like a carribean tabby cat. I mean, come on. Golf = SHARK? Which part of this person look like a shark? Anyways, there has been an exponential increase since Tiger came along, translating to this simple fact:

Without Tiger, Golf is extinct as far as endorsements are concern. without him, Rory will be working at a deli. Luke Donald would be a pimp, and VJ would still be playing with monkeys in Borneo. That’s why I think he deserves more respect, because he has singlehandedly brought Golf to where it is now. Fist pump, ESPN highlights and stuff.

The three old stooges are obviously pissed because they missed the boat. They were earning about USD5000 for each win. Now, punks earn 500,000 for the win. Greg Norman took like 30 years to get to 10 million in earnings. Tiger took 4 years. He has busted past 100 million this year. Greg is just beyond pissed that he now has to take up a job as a golf course designer and decorator of children’s playland to pay the bills. Same goes for Nick Faldo. Johnny Miller only earned a total of USD15 bucks in his career, which afforded him to buy a pair of walking shoes to walk to and from tournaments during the 1880s and the civil war period. Johnny Miller is about 140 years now, and usually kept in a cryogenic tank when he’s not out commenting on people’s game. So sad.

Anyways, enough of wisecracking over these 3 poor flers. On with the show, Tiger leading. DON’T BLOW IT TIGER!