Gilagolf – Golf Course Reviews
Hacking and Reviewing Golf Courses around the world
I was informed of an ongoing promo in SSG Berigin (it’s one of our NTS category golf course).
Should be interesting to check it out…as mentioned, go to Beringin for the greens!
Here’s the full promotional Ad.SSGBeringin.pg.Mar10 for download.
Happy Hacking!
After watching yet another edition of the Malaysian Open fade away, with our Malaysian golfers further away from winning one, the only bright spot this week was that our great yellow hope, Danny Chia is going to St Andrews…again. I believe this is the third British Open for Mr Chia, and all I can say is: Please make the cut.
I mean, why is Malaysia so slow in producing champions? Look at India. You’ve got folks like Jyothi, Arjun, Jeev. Thailand, you’ve got so many world class golfers with unpronouncable names. We’ve got a Malaysian Open year in, year out and yet the best we can do is tied 60th, for US5k each. US5k! That’s like Tiger Woods spending on toilet paper every day!
Observing this phenomenon and through through study (consisting of lounging around the range drinking teh tarik and commenting about people’s swings), the conclusion is we probably lack good coaches. Serious. If you are a coach reading this, I’m sure you are a good one, but you’re likely the minority.
I remember my first coach, this dude in Bandar Utama driving range. I was just picking up golf then and I paid him like for 6 lessons or something…I think about RM500 or something. He was a pretty good sales guy, telling me I have a good swing, that I’ll be wasting my talent and the world will not see a greater champion than me…basically sold me out right away that if I didn’t dedicate myself to a lifelong pursuit of golf excellence, I am committing the gravest sin of all time and I should be fried alive on a stake.
So there’s the con. I paid him RM500 for 6 lessons.
Newbies: NEVER PAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU KNOW HE’S FOR REAL!
I.e do a POC (Proof of concept). Pay him for one lesson first, see if he can properly fix you up. If he doesn’t allow that, tell him to eat bananas (the chinese way of saying it sounds so much cruder) and take your business elsewhere. Any coach that doesn’t allow a one time tryout session is probably a coach with so low confidence in himself, he’s not worth your time. And they will try this trick: “Oh, I need 5 lessons with you before you see a difference.”
No, that’s because they suck and they want your money. If a coach can’t tell what’s your problem in the first hour and how to fix it and at least show he can fix it, he’s a twit.
So back to my BU range. I paid this dude off, and first lesson he was all very attentive. He thought me a few drills and I was reasonably happy with the results. Second lesson, he teaches me about the same thing, mutters about me needing to improve. Then leaves me for half the session for me to ‘test his new technique’. What?
Can you imagine paying for a doctor who charges you for consultation by the hour and ask you to take his medicine, and then waits for an hour for it to take effect? Who pays for that hour while he’s lounging around doing crap? So this golf coach, while I was ‘testing’ my new techniques, he goes off to teach another guy. WHAT? If you are one of these coaches, maybe you should look into enhancing your communication and teaching
skills.
Hey, fatso, I blocked you for an hour. You are mine. You don’t go whore yourself to another student and charge him for that same hour. That’s service fraud.
And that wasn’t the worse.
I skipped a couple of weeks due to traveling. I arranged my third lesson with him and when I arrived, guess what? He didn’t know who I was. He was like, “Who you?” I am like, “Your student, you pimp.” “Oh yeah….ok, umm, show me your swing.”
WHAT?!!?
I show him my swing, and he lets me do the same drill as I did in day ONE!!!!!! WHAT THE H*LL!!!!!!!!
I asked him, “Don’t you have any records of my improvement?”
He smiles and says he does, but that I was rusty. Well, jolly good, because you don’t even know who the heck I was, how can you tell that I am rusty?
I asked him to refund me, he says no. I told him to at least arrange me a free round at the nine hole golf course. He says he can’t. I asked him if I may stuff my 7 iron up his bunny hole and he stares at me, annoyed.
So thus ended my unfortunate encounter with my first golf coach. Subsequently I tied up with this Australian from Tropicana range and in the first lesson (free), he gave me a detailed computer analysis of my swing. Talk about ozzie service, mate. I took up one lesson (RM100) under him, started playing some of the best golf of my life, then went back to him for another lesson and fixed a few swing flaws and then tried to have another lesson and he was gone. Went back to Australia probably. He was a great coach.
I generally don’t like to blame people for playing sucky golf, but I really wish I did stuff my 7-iron up my first coach’s bunny hole. Dang him for producing my mutated golf swing!
One of my favourite pastime these days is trawling the web looking for Tiger Woods news, while eating left over chinese new year cookies…or trying to finish the 232 mandarin oranges left at home.
Tiger has had so much bad press about him, you’d think people should just give him a break and move on with life. To see how the mighty has fallen, even the association for animals are ‘hentaming’ the guy! I thought this was funny…and so merciless. Talk about hitting a dead dog.
However, the picture that probably pisses Tiger off the most is:
I can’t get over how a short asian dude can take Tiger down in the majors. This is such a cool picture.
In fact, through some hi-tech technology and state of the art animation and graphical processing that Dreamworks would be proud off, GilaTech managed to magically alter the picture for you to draw your own triumphant face there.
As you can see, the graphics and artistic skill is obviously there.
To Tiger,
You are selfish.
First, you get to frolic with 18 (or was it 20?) women over the last couple of years while still beating the crap out of us, winning all those majors I was supposed to win, and making me look like a jackass in front of everyone, and breaking my golf spirit so bad that I needed to see a shrink…I was number 2 in the world, dang it! And now, even that clown David Duval can probably beat me.
You are selfish because here we are, honest golfers trying to eke out a miserable living playing in a PGA tour that’s doing so bad this year, and the number of viewers is lower than the ones watching Landscape and Gardening Channel, and here you go, launching your nice little news conference smack in the middle of our tournament. You’re always looking to steal the limelight, even now! Isn’t it enough that you’ve stole so many of my majors from me already? EH??
Anyways, from my personal opinion, I think you should just stay away from the game until you really learn some humility. That means not smacking your ex-sponsors in their face by taking away the limelight from their biggest tournament. That means giving a proper news conference that has questions and answers. That means facing the music like a man, like those idiots at Toyota. Unfortunately, Tim Finchem, that spineless little twit that’s secretly your house dog, loves you too much and will do anything to get you back.
Heck, I didn’t think much of you in the first place because you never said Hi to me or at least, “Sorry, Ernie, for smacking your butt around the course all these years while I’m just screwing around and not even being serious with my game”…but now, you can just eat ostrich crap, as they say here in South Africa.
Yours Truly,
Ernie
P/S – I am going the beat your philandering a** in the Tavistock Cup when Lake Nona will KILL Isleworth. Go NONA!
#######
To Tiger,
Oi, you like smacking around your ex-sponsors like you do your ex-galfriends, eh? Tell ye what, you show your butt here in Ireland, we gonna show you how to be a man. Look at me hero, Darren Clarke…lost his wife, still played through his grief and kick the heck out of ye americans at K Club in the Ryder Cup. Quit Whining and just face the music, mate. You screwed up by screwing around, so what? Now you’re not just a screw up, you’re also a sissy. A wuss. A poof, as we like to call it ‘ere at this side of the pond. Ah, bollocks, I’d rather down a pint of beer than talk about you, poof.
Rory M.
#######
Tiger,
Thanks for showing us how a tiger can become a chicken. Why don’t you just come out and let people ask you questions instead of yabbering on like a blardy robot, mate? Nobody’s gonna give a darn about my tournament now, you know, the one that I won last year? Everyone’s interested in your little conference.
You need to take control, eh! We waited for 3 months and all we got is this hollywood scripted crap? It’s nonsense mate! Answer this questions only: Are you coming back soon and when? Also, some anonymous fellas on tour are asking some strange questions like, why are all the women you bang, white? Why don’t you dig black gals? Are you racialist?
And stop asking everyone to leave you or your family alone! You earn 90 million BUCKS A YEAR…that’s enough to buy the entire island of Tasmania. You should have no right to ask people to leave you alone, because with that much money, you are public property. You’re dog food for the press, mate. Get used to it!
Sincerely,
Geoff Ogilvy
#########
Dear Tiger,
I don’t care about your private life. I just want to know two things:
1) What’s your pick up line to get those hotties, especially that porn star chic?
2) Why are all the women you bang, white? Why don’t you dig black girls? Are you racialist?
Regards,
Sergio
P/s – Let’s hit the clubs for some white chicks when you get back, eh, mate?
Introduction
For the sake of completeness, sometimes the gilagolfer has to traipse to places where no sane golfers would venture, much less play on. We’ve gone to unbelievably bad golf courses like Frasers and the god-forsaken Mordor-like Selesa Hills. Why do we do this? Because we insist on giving the Gilagolf readers the best, most accurate, most unbiased view of golf courses in Asia. It’s been some time since we set foot on a course that rates AAC (Absolutely Astoundingly Crap), and frankly, I enjoy reviewing courses of this nature more, because it’s simply ASTOUNDING how a so-called golf course can sink to the level of crappiness so bad, that it’s like taking a bath in cow dung for a week and cleaning up later with dog poo. Yep. AAC is exactly that.
Next up is Bukit Jelutong Pitch and Putt course, or better known as the Par 3 course, or Beginner’s course, or mickey mouse course, or a course with no rules. It’s really a prophecy of things to come if nobody actually knows the dang name of the course…here it is:
Guthrie Golf Academy Pitch and Putt Course.
Wow, nice. Bet none of you knew that.
Travel (4/5)
Traveling to Bukit Jelutong is quite easy. I used to think it was darn far, back in the days when going through a toll to get home from work was like seeing a pink elephant dance ballet in a tutu…i.e non existent. So when Jelutong came up from the palm oil plantation like an oasis in Sahara, most of us city jakuns were like, “WHAT, have to go through toll, one ah??”
Of course, time has changed and now even the names like Puchong or Kepong or Kota Kemuning or Sri Kembangan, or Setia Alam doesn’t strike fear into the traveler’s soul anymore.
Here’s the nice map to Guthrie Golf Academy Pitch and Putt Course.
Easiest way is to hit the NKVE and head towards Jelutong exit. You can’t miss it. From Damansara toll, stay left, go past the Subang turnoff and head straight, till you eventually come to a three fork road. Forget about the road signs, since in Malaysia, we all know the government hire a team of monkeys to put the signs up behind trees or at intersections when it is too late.
Here’s a nicer view:
Red is bad. Blue is Good. Don’t turn left to KLIA, but stay on the left lain. There is a smaller lane to Jelutong in the middle. Going right will lead you to Tanjung Rambutan, the insane asylum. Literally.
After Jelutong toll, stay left and turn left. You’ll see the course on the left. You might mistake it as a rich man’s garden. It probably was. There will be a turning to the left and voila, you’re there! Welcome to Malaysia’s pitch and putt!
Price (2/5)
We paid 30 bucks per person to play 18 holes. Yes, I know, it’s illegal, because that’s for 9 holes. It’s RM40 for 18 actually, but this is one of the very few courses in the world where you can actually bargain your green fee.
Me: 18 holes please.
Guy at Counter (GAC): 40rm
Me: WHAT? That’s expensive!!
GAC: Sorry la bro…that’s the price.
Me: How many people actually play on your course?
GAC: Not many, usually they bring their children to play only (seriously, they do.)
Me: So how to charge me RM40 when nobody even playing? Why not charge me 30 instead of 0, if I decide to not play?
GAC: Yeah, man….correct. OK la, 30.
At this point I bring my fellow flight mates hiding away and all get RM30. Nice.
You can have lots of permutation of such bargaining scenario. In fact, you can take this exercise and apply it across the board to Malaysia’s public service, specifically to our incorruptible police force when they catch you for traffic offences.
First thoughts
OK, to be honest, I wasn’t really playing at the course. I was caddying for my wife, who is just starting to play this game with her 3 other friends. I thought I can score some brownie points by being a Steve Williams for her. And this Jelutong course is the only course where nobody cares what you do. You can tee off with your underwear and they will still allow you to do it.
So, first tee box, like a good caddy, I walked into the fairway. Squish. Squish. Squish. My FootJoys were water proof apparently but the mud was so deep that immediately my feet were wet and dirty. Note to people playing this course: Please wear Pua Chu Kang boots, not shoes!!
First tee off hits a tree to my right and drops. It’s ok right? No. We went in there with our search lights and the grass was so thick and the ground so damp, the ball was gone. At this point, I realized that this course wasn’t actually just a golf course. It was a candidate for the coveted AAC category. YES!
Service (2/5)
I’m going to give it a 2 here. Simply because of the inconsistency in how they deal with their prices, and the fact that there is absolutely NO course maintenance whatsoever. It’s simply a course left to die. Plus, we found a loose 7 iron in one of the greens and tried to return it to the clubhouse. I went to the guy behind the counter and he says, go to the pro shop and drop it there. So I went. Pro Shop guy says, look, lost and found at the other counter. Yeah, but that guy just told us to come here. No, insists Mr Pro Shop, drop it there.
Dang it! So I walk all the way back there and voila, the counter guy has gone to god knows where.
What the heck??!
So, I ended up keeping the lousy loose iron and now it’s in my room in case I need to bash a robber’s head.
By the way, one of the guys in our group—funny fellow, was wondering where the buggies were. Beginners: bring your trolleys or carry bags…we’re going to be walking for the next 2 hours, or 3 hours depending on skill, or in some cases, 5 minutes, after giving up on the first hole.
Fairways (-1/5)
Aha, here’s where the rubber meets the road. A negative rating is only reserved for courses that resembles the rear end of a llama. What can I say? Second hole, one of the players six iron landed in the fairway…missing. This is simply due to the fact that there is no fairway. It’s like playing in mud. The ground is like quicksand. And check out this 9th hole fairway.
Yes, the entire fairway is Ground Under Repair, even the tee box.
OK, so what?
We teed off about 5 meters away from the green, with a wedge. One of them teed off with a putter. Yes. That’s nice. Why don’t we just get the heck out of here and eat some nasi lemak?
Let’s have a look at this hole again.
Holy Mackerel. This is supposedly a ‘golf course’. AY CARAMBA!
Greens (1/5)
OK, to be fair, the greens were bad. But not atrocious. As in, I sometimes experience these kind of greens on courses like Bukit Unggul, The Nameless Course in Seremban, Tuanku Jaafar. But these courses are just an inch away from being AAC themselves, so these are really lousy role models to choose from. But of course, for this Jelutong course, it is left for Mother Nature to reclaim back the land, so to have a green by itself is already a miracle. The grass is long, obviously but at least there’s a difference from the fairway. Plus, a few of the beginners actually rolled in 10-15 footers, complete with fist pumps. Can’t beat the fist pumps, so we’re giving the greens a 1.
Rough(-1/5)
Back to crap land. The rough is…stupid. There’s a difference between being purposely challenging and being too darn lazy to upkeep the course. This is the latter. I mean, here’s a picture of the rough.
How the blue heavens are we supposed to hit from that? OK, you say that’s OB. Fair enough. But it’s like smack in the middle of the fairway! OK, fine, what about hitting balls right into the rough and not being able to find it? What about the rough being so wet and damp, you sink to your calves the moment you step in. Or what about the fact that the sand is so hard, that you require an axe to get your ball out of it??
We finally implemented the rare rule of If-It’s-in-the-rough-it’s-automatically-on-the-green. I.e if your ball lands in the rough, due to the dangers of cobras and pythons and lochness monsters, your ball magically is on the green.
Very few people uses this rule, but it’s in the USGA book. Go check it.
Aesthetics (1/5)
Aesthetics? Nothing there for you. The 13th and 14th hole (I think) offers the only holes with water. The 13th is a 130 meter carry over water to a green, or if beginner chooses, to use the ‘fairway’ to the right of the water. The 14th is a nicer looking hole with a straight carry to a large green.
I think these were the only saving grace for the whole course. If you are looking to play this course, just run all the way to these two holes and continuously hit about 20 balls. You’ll get more satisfaction than playing the whole course, because frankly, all the holes are almost alike. Boring, flat…lousy fairways, lousy roughs, lousy greens.
In fact, the most interesting I saw was a carcass of a dead cat fish. I.e seriously, it was perhaps the first discovery that may prove evolution exists. This fish decided that the course was just too crappy to take, and the pond was full of poison, thanks to millions of balls deposited into it everyday, that he just decided to get out of the water and go away.
Obviously, the fish wasn’t evolved yet, so it got about 50 meters from the pond and just kind of died. But seriously, have you ever seen a fish trying to get away from the pond before and die trying? What kind of course is this? It’s so bad that all living things are escaping it.
Here’s an extreme close up to the fish that wanted to evolve quicker than he should have.Poor Sucker.
Fun Factor (0/5)
Not fun at all. You’d think you can’t lose balls in a par 3 course, think again. Because the rough and fairway are swamplands, anywhere other than the green, your ball is 50/50 gone. Seriously. I am NOT exaggerating. The drainage is so poor, the grass is so long, there is absolutely no way to find the ball!
And ok, to serious golfers, everytime I give you a pitching wedge in hand, can you absolutely hit the green each time? No right? I mean, if you’re shooting in the 90s, sometimes, you might fly the green, you might pull it, you might push it, you might duff it…what the heck…so imagine beginners, their balls flying 10 feet forward, skirting the ground, or whacking it 20 meters past the greens etc….and one caddy looking for all these balls.
Dang! It’s exhausting!!
They all finally gave up after the 14th hole.
OK…from 15th to 18th, it’s a straight stretch. What you can do to make it more fun, is to tee off with a driver, or a wood, and play 15th to 17th as a par 4. And 18th as a par 3. That’s exactly what I did with one guy from the group (the other 3 having given up).
Was it fun? No. It was an absolutely waste of time and balls, since I lost two balls on the lalang infested fairways. Curse you, Guthrie Jelutong course or whatever you are called!!!
Conclusion
OK. I realize that since this is a beginner’s course, we can’t really escape the fact that in our lives, we’ll need to go through this course. But it can only break your golf spirit or make it more resolute to improve so that you will NEVER have to humiliate yourself by going into this course ever again in your life….except with your wife or kids.
The bad thing is that it could be so much better…as a par 3 course, to be really well maintained and fun to play for the family. As it is, due to zero maintenance and just a don’t care attitude from the management, this Guthrie Course has likely descended into the realms of the AAC category.
The good: Travel time; the lawlessness means you can play with your pants down; reasonable pricing where you can press down like Petaling Street.
The bad: Boy. Everything on the course basically. Look, if a fish is willing to sacrifice to get himself out of the pond to escape this course, why are we even paying to play there? Get OUT of this Guthrie course immediately!!!!
The skinny: 8 of 40 divots (20%). Wow, this course just managed to escape the AAC status. Probably due to the travel time, that saved its neck. But seriously, if you’re looking to play this course, try to search for alternative activities, like growing germaniums or putting your head into an aquarium full of piranhas. You will have more fun in doing those.
Guthrie Golf Academy Information
Guthrie Golf Academy
No 2A, Pesiaran B, Seksyen U8,
Bukit Jelutong,
40150 Shah Alam
Selangor
Contact no: +603-7846 3505
Some time back, there was a comment by an LPGA player Jan Stephenson:
“This is probably going to get me in trouble, but the Asians are killing our tour. Absolutely killing it. Their lack of emotion, their refusal to speak English when they can speak English. They rarely speak.
“We have two-day pro-ams where people are paying a lot of money to play with us, and they say hello and goodbye. Our tour is predominantly international and the majority of them are Asian. They’ve taken it over.”
“If I were commissioner, I would have a quota on international players and that would include a quota on Asian players. As it is, they’re taking American money. American sponsors are picking up the bill. There should be a qualifying school for Americans and a qualifying school for international players. I’m Australian, an international player, but I say America has to come first. Sixty percent of the tour should be American, 40 percent international.”
It’s funny, because we sometimes associate westerners as the leader of the free world, but some of my dealings with them is that some of them have the most backwater thinking I have ever encountered. In America, it’s simply because they are so darn huge, most of them in the midwest have never seen the ocean before. The largest pond to them is probably the one fronting the par 3 5th hole in their local course. But Jan Stepheson is Australian, so what she says doesn’t make sense….unless she’s smoking weed while interviewing, which, as most people concluded, she was.
Anyways, racism is obviously laced in every aspect of that interview, especially, her labelling ‘Asians’ as lack of emotion, refusal to speak English, and rarely speaking, American money, American sponsors, different qualifying schools etc. That was back in the days of Martin Luther King, woman! That’s race segregation, and that’s why Rosa Parks sat on the darn bus and didn’t give up her seat to a white dude, you racist!!
The reason why I’m ranting on some news that is 7 years old, was because I tried calling up Awana and Berjaya Hills Golf Course to organise a cooling 36 hole blitz last week. The response:
“Sorry, we are closed for non-Koreans until March.”
What?
“Yes, a group of 120 koreans have booked the morning and afternoon slots until March.”
What if I stayed over at the resort—?
“Sorry, there is no more place unless you are a Korean until March.”
Now, I know the receptionist isn’t exactly well trained, but that sounds like a racist remark to me. To play at Awana and Berjaya Hills, I need to be Korean? Please, somebody clarify.
Shouldn’t a club have some policy against people booking out the entire course 3 months ahead? Have they paid up front? You mean they are paying 60 flights a day (30 morning, 30 afternoon) for 90 days @ say RM100 average, so they paid up RM540,000??!?!?!
So suddenly the Koreans become the golf superiors like Jan Stephenson and Malaysians are left on the fringe. It’s another reason why Berjaya Hills is in the category of Waste of Time and Money (although we want to go due to the weather). It might be a good business decision of course, but what about Berjaya club members? Or people who are staying there? Shouldn’t there be a fair share of booking available every day for local non-Koreans to play?
I’ve got nothing against Koreans, in fact, some of best pals are Koreans, but come on….seriously, can you imagine Saujana closed to public for 3 months because the Sultan of Brunei decide to pay and play there all alone? What happened to the club’s civic duty to provide amenities to its members and walk in hackers like us?
Since we’re on 2010, a lot of people have resolutions to pick up golf, or restart their golf again.
And many of them will quit before the first quarter is up.
I think it should be our sworn duty as professional hackers to add more people into our elite Cangkul Club, and encourage as many people as possible to undertake this lifelong curse of golf, so that we have company when we are bankrupt and impoverished thanks to spending all our time and money on this game.
I want to start a little series on ‘Playing Golf the Gila Way: A guide to shooting what we all know you are capable of shooting, which is not as good as what you think you can shoot.“
Let’s just start with the simple question:
Where do we bring these aspiring hackers and witless beginners to play so that they won’t throw their clubs into the water, or worse, throw themselves off the 14th floor after their game?
1. Jelutong Pitch and Putt Course
I’m about to write up this course after playing there last week…and it ain’t a nice review so look out for it. Unfortunately, due to newbies penchant for missing the darn ball, or likely killing an innocent passerby with a shank, it seems that this course is unavoidable in your journey as a hacker. It’s like the Online Multi Player games, where you have to kill lizards and little caterpillars with your axe before levelling up to killing goblins. This course is like you killing planktons. I.e it’s even lower than killing lizards and caterpillars to level up. It’s the lowest of the lowest of the lowest course for a newbie to play in, but like all rites of passage, they will need to go through it….for us season hackers, it’s more excruciating than having an endoscopy, colonscopy, eye surgery, removal of wisdom tooth and the amputation of your arm done all at once.
2. Bandar Utama 9 hole course
After graduating from killing planktons, the newbie will go to what we know as the Crap Course of PJ. For many reasons this course is still wildly popular due to the close proximity to civilisation and the obvious advantage for office workers to slip out during lunch time for a quick nine. It’s also the only 9 hole course in the world that feels like an 18 hole course, due to time immediately slowing down to slow motion when you play…mainly due to the 16 flights in front of you and the uncle bringing his nephew who takes 10 minutes to hit the ball 10 metres…backwards. Again, this is the course where it is understood that beginners will be playing, so if you are a seasoned hacker and you are there and you find yourself growing a beard, then just blame yourself for not going somewhere else. Or get the newbie you are forced to bring buy you a new 7-iron, which you will invariably break after finishing only 3 holes in 4 hours.
3. Kinrara
You are finally moving up the food chain. Kinrara used to be a decent course once upon a time, but I hear from my friends that it has since fell on hard times, and currently inhabited by cannibalistic hobbits. I’m not sure if that’s verifiable, but I tend to believe in whatever my friends tell me. But this is an ok course to bring a beginner, but only if he/she can tee up the ball decently and clear at least 20 metres with the ‘drive’. The crowd is decent, as in, it’s not like a stadium like Seri Selangor; but you’ll need to be careful a bit since there has been some kidnap/road rage/murder cases around the area which I highly suspect must be attributed to golfers who just lost their big bets.
4. Kundang Lakes
In contrast to Kinrara, I’ve heard Kundang Lakes have cleaned up their act abit since Gilagolf reviewed it. It’s probably a lot more decent now, and the good thing about this course is that it’s pretty decent on the price side….which is what turns out a lot of newbies. The problem with Kundang is probably the trip there (which isn’t so bad once you get used to it) and the crowd. It’s as bad as Seri Selangor and the wait time is excruciating.
5. UPM
UPM is not exactly a beginners course, because a newbie will likely lose around 150 balls hacking 18 holes. And with jungle all around, and the normal newbie tenacity to search for lost balls, they will likely die from a cobra sting as well. Which sucks, because it’s hard to play with a corpse next to you on the buggy. It’s annoying for someone to die in the middle of a round, you know. But UPM is reasonable on the $$, and the crowd is pretty forgiving as well if someone doesn’t tee past the ladies tee…in contrast to Seri Selangor or Rahman Putra, where the marshals will tranquilize the offender and feed him to cannibalistic hobbits.
6. Monterez
Ah Monterez. The course with the most human casualties due to golf balls. This is a course that strikes fear into every golfer’s soul because of the narrow fairways, the profileration of newbies and the general chorus of ‘FORE’ and ‘BALL’ and ‘OH NO, HE’S DEAD!’ resounding all over the course. Generally the course plays ok for beginners because it’s short, and the crowd, again generally understands that newbies tend to ply their trade here. But just watch out for those crazy shanks coming from all over. It’s like those arrows released from Helm’s Deep into Sauron’s army.
7. Bangi Course
Once the newbie has reached this stage, his or her rites of passage is almost complete. Because finally, they are able to play on a decent course. Bangi is highly recommended because the price range is reasonable (RM80 for Sunday afternoon, plus RM15 food voucher), and it’s actually a nice course (1st and 2nd nine that is). Once the newbie is reasonably comfortable off the tee, you should help banish the other sorry excuse of courses and just go Bangi to train.
Any thoughts on newbie courses?
After 2 and a half years of hacking, destroying and reviewing golf courses, Gilagolf has finally moved to a proper home on this little corner in the internet universe: Gilagolf.net.
Gilagolf.com was unfortunately taken, and negotiations fell through when they realised all we could offer them were used second hand balls and some nasi lemak if they were to come up to Malaysia.
So we had to decide on a new home and some were shortlisted:
1) Gilagolfer.com
2) IHateFrasersHill.com
3)BerjayaCoursesSuck.com
4)HackersofTheNewRepublic.com
5)SelesaHillsIsASorryExcuseOfACourse.com
it was important that the gilagolf branding remained, so we decided on Gilagolf.net.
So, update your bookmarks and also your feeds http://gilagolf.net/?feed=rss2
Keep Hacking!!
Introduction
This is our first review of a golf course not in Malaysia. In fact, we have travelled far to the idyllic island of Koh Samui to bring you a review of a course that is both unique, challenging and ultimately, despite its flaws, will give you the kind of enjoyment courses like Bukit Unggul, KRTU and all those listed under WOTM and AAC category can only dream of.
We’re talking about the new phenomenon, the integration of the game we love but suck at, with the game our country love but totally, incredibly suck at it as well.
Football.
Actually, it’s a good idea. Make the holes a little bigger, and voila. That’s it. You don’t need to invest in any clubs, as long as you have a leg, you can probably get started already. It’s simple. Kick using your leg (duh) and get the football into the hole. Have a couple of obstacles like coconut trees and coconut husks, and lure in unsuspecting tourists from Malaysia and charge them RM60, slice their throat and make a crazy profit margin. Maintenance is virtually nil, since you can attribute the long grass, holes, sands, nails and the itinerant cobra to all being ‘part of the course’. Just sit and watch the moolahs flow in. In fact, I don’t know why I didn’t come up with this concept. I’m off to Ulu Yam to buy a land and make it into a footgolf course.
Travel (2/5)
Umm. Actually, once you get to Koh Samui, it’s pretty straightforward. I mean, if you’ve been to Koh Samui, it’s just basically turn left after you exit from the airport and keep going till you see the signs. I know, the direction really suck, but you need to be a seriously sucky driver to miss it. It’s only one road.
We’re giving it a 3, since the travel to Koh Samui, at best would be via Firefly, and once there, rent a car and it’s a breeze getting to the course.
A note on Firefly. They suck. I mean, of course, if you pay for crap, you get crap, and Firefly is the absolute poster boy for CRAP SERVICE. If you think Air Asia is bad, Firefly takes toilet class to a whole new different level.
They changed my flight without informing. Of course, they claimed they sent me an sms, which I didn’t get, and we had to cough out almost RM1000 extra just to get ourselves to Koh Samui via Bangkok and waste an entire day of our vacation. The Firefly Corporate comms lady, Alita, refused to offer us anything more than a refund, claiming that they ‘followed procedures’ and basically told me to Fly Uncle Charlie’s Kite off.
I’m not sure if anyone else had such bad experience with this stupid airlines, but unfortunately they are the cheapest. The best advice I can give is to call two-three days earlier to confirm flight times.
I’m now so pissed again with the recollection of Firefly that I’m downgrading this to 2. DANG YOU FIREFLY, YOU SUCK! And don’t get me started on MAS, because they suck as well. Crap begets crap I guess.
Price (1/5)
Being in Koh Samui means you’re on vacation. For the locals, that means, a lot of waterfish lying around. Waterfish = Sui Yee = SUCKERS.
You just need to resign to the fact that as long as you don’t speak thai, or look Chinese, or carry a camera around, or drive a rented car, or basically don’t go shirtless and have wakeboard abs, or don’t have unpronounceable names…you’re a Sui Yee. You’ll always be charged more than the locals, so live with it. Don’t fight it.
We were charged RM60 per person to play 18 holes. Yes, you go: WHAT??! But come on, if you want cheaper rates, either marry Thai, or speak their language or get that belly of yours toned down. Or you could just change your name to Thamnatiwa Pornatigerwoodsik.
First thoughts
You can probably take one sweep at the course and see every thing. It’s in a pretty small acre of land, with coconut trees and some pathetically made obstacles to scare you off.
You can either wear your shoes or take them off…I recommend you to wear something at least, because the balls are not exactly made of soft stuff either. Footballs, that is. Also, where you will be most likely kicking balls, it will be in places where the sun doesn’t shine….under the trees, not sure what thoughts came into your depraved mind.
Service(4/5)
Despite the obvious meat cleaver they held in their hands to chop us into RM60 for this kind of course, you gotta hand it to the Thais. They are top class in service. I only wish our Malaysian service industry, especially those buffoons in MAS and Firefly can learn something from Thailand.
As soon as we parked the car, the owners of this course came out to welcome us. There were these two elderly ladies, smiling, laughing, genuinely caring for us while they slowly carved our necks with the meat cleavers.
After 9 hole, and no doubt, feeling somewhat bad for making a 10,000% margin on us, they gave us each a free bottle of coke to quench our thirst. I wish other clubs would do it. Then again, very few clubs have their clubhouse and bar 10 feet away from where you are teeing up.
One more note is that their website http://www.samuifootballgolf.com is a WHOLE LOT BETTER than a lot of our local golf courses. I mean, at least they take themselves seriously. Nicely done, Mr Golf Football dude, whoever you are.
Fairways, Greens and Rough
Obviously these ‘fairways’ were somewhat limited. I’m not sure where the fairways start and the rough begins. Sometimes, the fairway is lined up with rocks and such, but I think it would be a pretty unfair assessment to grade their fairways, rough and greens, so we’re just going to skip those for now.
Aesthetics (2/5)
The novelty factor wears thin after probably the 12th to 13th hole. The fact is most holes looks the same. I’m not sure what you could have done to make it better, given the size of the land and the flatness of it. At times, even putting the ball down at the ‘tee off’ was considerably difficult due to it keep rolling back.
Some of the holes are definitely a little more fun, like the 1st, where you need to kick the ball through coconut trees. Or the long 17th uphill, where you can likely hit the par 5 in one kick. Which I did. Then proceed to 4 ‘putt’. Putting with your feet is definitely not as easy as it looks.
Many of the holes you can probably drop for hole in one, or eagle it, that is the fun of the game I guess. Sometimes I wish playing on the real course would be this easy.
Fun Factor (4/5)
This is a course you shouldn’t play alone in, because it will seem like you’re the loneliest guy in the world. Everyone that comes should be in a group or at least with a partner. And no, they don’t have caddies, so don’t think about hiring one and letting her coddle you. And no, they don’t have buggies where the caddies sit on your lap either. What do you think this is, Tasik Puteri??
The fun is still there if you play with that in mind. My very first kick, thanks to my close relative Lionel Messi teaching me before, was so great it rebounded off three coconut trees and entered into the hole 9 hole. HOLE IN ONE!! Woohoo! The course marshal (I.e the fat lady owner sitting at the bar stool counting her money and sharpening her meat cleaver for the next victim) immediately hopped up and down and shouted “FAULT FAULT!”. Yeah we hear you, enough already before the whole clubhouse falls on you.
It gets thin fast if you don’t have a fun group or a fun person playing with you. At one point, I think hole 16, I decided to give it the good ol’ goalie kick, where you use your hands and drop the ball and kick it. I duffed it and it scooted into the trees and got stuck in the branches. You know, play as it lies I guess. I used my head (and a hand of God) to knock the ball down and proceeded to chip out of the jungle.
Heck, I still shot 60! I thought I won the prize with a 6 under score, but then I saw the high scores posted were like 45, 46, with several hole in ones. DANG, my dream to being a professional football golfer has ended!
It’s fun in a group but don’t do this if you’re alone.
Conclusion
So much for our first foray overseas. The Koh Samui football club should be recommended only if:
1) You got time to burn
2) You got a companion, not a caddy but an actual one
3) You don’t mind being a Sui Yee
If these conditions are met, you can actually spend 3 hours there just fooling around. I prefer this than all those interminable hikes available in Koh Samui.
The good: Good time waster in vacation; improve your football; get very good scores; good service with coke in between nines.
The bad: Price is meant to kill you; fairways, rough and greens non existence; no maintenance; flat and boring terrain
The skinny: 11 of 20 divots (55%). 99% of the time you’re in Koh Samui you’re on a vacation. There’s pretty nothing much to do there, so if you’re there with some mates or your wife, or someone special, this is a good way to blow your afternoon away…it might end up being cheaper than going to the shopping district.
Koh Samui Football Golf Scorecard
Koh Samui Football Golf Information
Address: Koh Samui Island
Contact: 0897717498
Website: http://www.samuifootballgolf.com
Gilagolf is ranked 50th by Alexa and 39 by total Delicious bookmarks here!
Just registered with Technorati, code is Z2B3N8NSE6FD.
Thanks for reading. Trying to get more updates by this year!