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Gilanalysis 12: Templer Park

Handicap:20

Gross: 100

Net: 80

Verdict: As the Paula Abdul song goes: 2 steps forward and 2 steps back

What Happened

I really feel like saying, with all my heart, with every ounce of pain and anguish that my good friend Michael Corleone had expressed when he said the same lines: “Just when I think I’m out…they pull me back IN!!!”

Out means, out of the woods. Out of the crappy drives that spins unreasonably to the right into OBlivion. Out of the lousy golf that constantly haunts me whenever, especially when I play on this particular golf course.

They means, heck I don’t know, the golfing gods, the lousy driver, the horrendous caddies in Templer Park, the mystifying reason why I chunk all my wedges or the greens were all the size of Brazil.

After all the pluses from Gunung Raya, my game went south today, but it didn’t start too bad. In fact, I parred my first hole! The second could actually be a par, but I topped badly my first tee shot into OB (yes, a par 3), but my third landed sweetly and I just missed by bogey save by a hair. In fact the next two holes were excellent, except I brain farted on my chips and wedges. I was actually putting unconscious, bombing the 10 footers, one putting 4/5 holes.

I don’t know where it started to slide, but I was feeling pretty good on the front nine, despite my scores looking extremely sorry….most of it were due to aggressive approaches due to the fact we had our RM3 bet going per hole, which is a huge huge capital to outlay.

Back nine was when I killed myself. Or rather the caddy. Hole 10, was a normal shot, into the rough. She looks all around and couldn’t find it. I looked all around and couldn’t find it. Dropped ball, triple on a relatively easy hole. Hole 11, snapped hooked 3 balls into OBlivion, but luckily I found my first ball! Double. The rest: Survival mode. I don’t remember much as I hardly saw the sunlight, playing from tree to tree. I ABSOLUTELY DESTEST the par 5 hole 15. Whoever created it is a sadist. Jungle jungle framing every inch of this hole, that drops down into a blind green. The last hole was fun. I tried to thwack it across the pond, only to have it veer to the right towards the longest carry. It nearly carried, just hit the rocky embankment and trickled back in.

Why I Sucked

I am this close to throwing away my driver with the new shaft recommended by the shady salesman in MST golf. Also, my wedges was absolutely horrid. And also: Caddies. I generally have little patience for them, but Templer Park Caddies is right up there with all the WORST CADDIES IN MALAYSIA: Air Keroh and Impiana following right behind. I know, caddies are not to be blamed for crocked swings, but here goes the warning: I don’t mind them being uneducated, but here were the issues we had with them:

1) Both caddies regularly left us attending ourselves on the green, seeking shelter in the shade while we putted. We had to take up the flag, place it back etc. One of my pals flipped after the 4th hole and really grilled both of them until they were probably crying. I say probably, since we couldn’t see their eyes, as they were wrapped up like Laurence of Arabia.But come on, caddies, do your job, instead of staying out of the sun!

2) Couldn’t find balls. My friend lost a ball just off the rough. I lost my ball on the 10th. Another friend also lost a ball that could have been found. They had such horrendous attitude. I watched my ball sail close – about 5 feet or so – to the caddy from the other buggy in the rough. She just walked away, and as we approached and didn’t see the ball, she just called from the green saying, “Saya Ingat Plug. (I think it’s plugged)”. I told her in less than complementary terms to get her elongated butt down to the rough and tell us where in blazes was it ‘plugged’, and we had to search for it.

3) Terrible distance. NEVER LISTEN TO the caddies in Templer. Never. Not even if they warn you that there is a meteor shower heading your way, or that a hurricane is coming, or Godzilla had risen from the pond in hole 18. Pack of lies. Also, they never read the green. You know why? Because they are always looking to be in the shade, those lazy Laurences of Arabia!

Not So Sucked

Putter was smokin! Also, despite the really crappy caddy service, kudos to the course master, this lady who looks like she’s going to chew you for lunch and spit on your bones. She’s those tall, loud and bossy lady like my school discipline teacher. In fact she looks exactly like Coach Beiste in Glee!

Yike.

We didn’t book, so we were bumped to the 9:10 am flight (having arrived in templer at 7!). BTW, Templer Park golf works in Cambodian time, one hour behind. So they only have a counter lady there at 8-ish, so no need to go so early next time lor. Anyway, this dragon course master took pity on us and by 8:30 am, sandwiched us between two booked flights, with a stern “You better play fast!” and I was like, it pays to have some pathetic puppy dog face to remind dragon ladies of their sons. Aww. She’s a nice lady at heart, bless her.

What to Work On

Driver. What else? When your ball is spinning 90 degrees to the right, there’s something seriously baboonish about the swing.

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Gilanalysis 11: Gunung Raya, Langkawi

Day 1

Handicap:20

Gross: 87

Net: 67

Verdict: This is how this darn game should be played!

Day 2

Handicap:20

Gross: 92

Net: 72

Verdict: What a difference a day makes…twenty four little hours brought the crap again…

What Happened

I have never played on one course for two consecutive days before, but in Langkawi, you don’t really have much choices. Gunung raya starts off at RM140 (weekdays and weekends), throws you into a buggy and off you go on a course resembling Nilai Springs or Seremban 3. The fairway is awful: bare, more sand than grass; the greens in a mediocre condition; but the course is open, free of people and after that horrendous experience in Seri Selangor, to have a course that allows you to play golf under 3 hours is an amazing change.

Also, the other golf courses are Langkawi golf, which is closed indefinitely, so it’s currently being overruned by man eating baboons.

The other is Datai, which the last time we played was about 300++ per person. Now, it has ballooned up to RM510 per person. We need to change our gilagolf ranking for this course…is Datai worth that much? Hmm. Let me see….NO ABSOLUTELY FREAKING WAY. It’s a reasonably nice course, but dude, RM510? What the blue crap are they trying to pull? Thanks, Datai for discriminating against 99% of the population of Malaysia. Say NO TO DATAI!

So, back to Gunung Raya. The first day, was probably the best golf I have played in AGES. Eons. The first 7 holes were bogey all the way, but the manner of the bogeys were satisfying: saving those 5 footers on several occasions, except for hole 5 where I managed to 3 putt. I birdied the eight with a putt off the green but proceeded to brain fart with a 3 putt on the tough index 1 9th. Looking back, I could have scored 41 or something, but then again, I could also have missed those critical five footers to save bogey.

Back nine, more or less the same, except I messed up the par 3 17 by hitting the bunker, but overall, the drive was great, the putter was great, the irons were so-so. But Gunung Raya allows a lot of mistakes, especially to slicers on the first nine, on a few occasions I was borrowing fairways and still managed to put in on, or near the green.

Day 2: Ah…how we would go with so much optimism only to see it fade as we revert back to our epileptic crap golf.  Day 2 was more reflective of my up and down golf, with big scores and more pars. The day started like a mirror copy, but unravelled with hole 2 drive into the drink, hole 3 drive into the drink, hole 4 par 3 into hazard (??!). From there, I managed to recover a little, and actually played well from hole 5 to hole 13, a string on nine holes brain-fart-free. Hole 14, I was 150 away with a six iron in hand and completely SHANKED it to oblivion. I managed to four on two putt for a six. Hole 17 again, hit into the sand and couldn’t escape, this is by far my worst hole on this course. I hate Hole 17.

Why I Sucked

Day 1 was great. Except for a couple of times my irons failed. Day 2, drive was pulling, and had some unlucky bounces here and there…but for sakes, my irons were absolutely shiitake. I kept digging the darn ground and in Gunung Raya, it was black dirt. So, cangkul it and your clubs will pop right back up and you will shank, top, thin, duff etc. Maybe my swing too steep? Some occasions I had my 60 degree for second shot and still managed to sabotage myself by putting it in the sand, fatting it, thinning it…man, it sucked.

Not So Sucked

Driver on day 1 was great, I was like a pro. Well, almost lah. But you know when we get arrogant and start twirling the stupid driver like Tiger, with one leg lifted. If it wasn’t on the fairway, it was just a little off the rough, and recoverable. Day 2: it all went south. My theory is that I wore RED on day 2, and put too much pressure to be like that black guy with the twirly driver. My putting was also quite OK, but gunung raya greens weren’t exactly very fast, or tricky and and greenside grass was so short I could put 5-10 meters away on some occasion.

What to Work On

Easy. Irons again. In no other game have I more chances than the last two, although day 2 scores didn’t reflect it. But constant duffing, thinning and one occasion, the dreaded shanking sabotaged back my game into mediocrity. I hate irons. I’m going to start putting from 150 metres in from here on.

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Gilanalysis 10: Seri Selangor

Handicap:20

Gross: 97

Net: 77

Verdict: Slow progress…but signs of daylight…

What Happened

For some reason, Seri Selangor always seem to play like a sadistic course. The greens in the back nine was great…very fast, but hey, that’s Seri Selangor greens for you…but the front nine, again they were sanding it. I don’t know why, but it seems to be always under some sort of maintenance or improvement, so the greens sucked. And the rough was holding on to our balls like a pitbull. Some holes, my eight iron was mashed to pieces and could only get the ball to trickle like, hmm, 20 metres?

But a lot of the screw ups were mainly self inflicted. The easy 11th, I decided to tee up with my 3-wood for safety. Note to hackers: Tee off with 3-wood is BAD ADVICE. Because of our retarded swing, it makes no difference, we’re still going to skull it, thin it, toe it etc and the only difference from the driver is how far it goes. This time, I toed it and it skittered to the right rough. Deep rough. 8 iron advanced it only as far as the tree. Another 6 iron punch into the bunker. 4th and 5th shot to get out. 6th putt missed and settle for triple on the easiest hole!

I did make up for it by negotiating the treacherous 16th with a booming drive and a 9 iron in . Chip, putt for par. Same thing on 17th, except approached it with my hybrid and chip, one putt for par.

Front nine was disastrous. The easy 8th par 3 was stupidly hit into the trees on the right…and lost it! 3rd shot skittered down to the left, one chip and two putted my way to a triple.

The only pars on the nine coming in was the index 3, that needed a good drive, and a disciplined 7 iron. The last hole, another good drive, and an 8-iron to 6 feet (which I missed of course).

Why I Sucked

I think my drive was ok, except in Seri Selangor there is no getting out of jail. Some good drives kicked into the trees etc and chances to get out is as slim as Kate Moss on a 40-day fast. But I am trying my darnest to stop my propensity to dig. I messed up a few well placed shot by cangkuling the ground into pieces. Stop the landscape business and I will get better.

Not So Sucked

Driver was hot and cold. My misses now veers to the left because I strengthened my right hand grip..at least I think that is the reason…my golf IQ is only slightly higher than an iguana’s. But a few booming drives helped me stick par in the Index 2,3 and 4 hole, something I have never achieved before in Seri Selangor. On those holes, my irons worked. I also switched my blade putter back to a mallet putter to handle the devilish greens better.

What to Work On

Aside from my landscaping business, my pitching was atrocious. On the fourth hole, I managed to amazingly skull my 3rd shot pitch from 20 metres away from the green, into the jungle behind and lost ball. Also on the par 5 18th, 30 metres from the green, my third shot plonked into the bunker face, and took me 2 to get out. Fix the pitching and stop the changkuling!

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Gilanalysis 9: Rahman Putra Lakes

Handicap:20

Gross: 99

Net: 79

Verdict: Amazing! Three 99s in a row for the same course!

What Happened

Home course my foot. Again, KRPM, again, the same score, of 99, no kidding. It’s as if it’s groundhog day, every time I play this course, no matter which route I take, I’ll end up in the same score.

Today was one of the days when nature called. Every shot I am hitting seemed to be hitting a dang branch or tree bark one way or another, no kidding. I think I must have killed a dozen innocent squirrels. First hole, pulled left, escape, hit a tree branch, fell right at the tree root. A few more tree shots later and I stumbled in for 6.

Second hole, par 3, I have played +10 over the last 4 times. This time, in water, pitched my 3rd on, and two putted.  The notable escape was on the horrendous index 1 8th, when I yanked my second shot hybrid into the tree next to the green. From the tree root, I managed a lucky flop onto the top mound of the green and trickled to two inches of the hole. The next hole, played it perfect, 3 wood, 3 wood, and a nine iron stuck 3 feet from the hole, and a harrowing downhill birdie putt that entered. Aside from one par on the back nine, I was stuck again in survival  mode especially the last couple of holes.

Why I Sucked

I don’t like to blame the weather, but it was like teeing off in Mercury. The fact that my slice shot is not getting any better didn’t help. And again and again, my failing irons are completely unsynced. With these two threatening to derail my every move, it’s no wonder I don’t see any improvement in this dang score!

Not So Sucked

I like my 3 wood now. For many years, this 3 wood (old taylormade 360xd) has been in the closet but in some of the holes, notably the birdie hole and the par 5 3rd, I’ve hit the flushest shot of my life with this. Of course, just as many moments when it failed, like the final 2 holes, when it found water…but nothing is more entrancing than hitting a 3 wood off the deck, flushed. More entrancing than blasting a driver I think. But slightly less than seeing Natalie Portman in Black Swan. Yow.

What to Work On

I’m so tired of writing the same thing and not able to do anything about it. I mean, who in their right mind will go to the range instead of heading to the course to play under a mercurial hot sun, lose a dozen balls, get cramps from traisping up and down the hills and risk getting bitten by king cobras? But here it is: Driver and Mid-Irons. Figure that out.

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Gilanalysis 8: KGPA

Handicap:20

Gross: 97

Net: 77

Verdict: Welcome to the Jungle, we got fun and games…

What Happened

Everytime we tee it up in KGPA, that GNR song plays in my mind because everywhere I look, especially in the front 9, it’s jungle, jungle, jungle. KGPA is in okcondition, good drainage and fairways, but the greens are horrendously slow. The first few greens we putted, it wasn’t pressed down, so you can imagine how bad a shape it was, no roll whatsoever. Compare this to Bangi, KGPA greens are in sorry condition. Be aware if you tee it up here.

I hate the second hole Par 5. It’s stupid for KGPA to put OB right of the cartpath because you have a nice adjacent fairway (hole 14) where you can possibly hit a recover shot. Note to KGPA, Nilai Springs and all these other courses that sprinkle OB stakes here and there: Let the golfers play, will you? If we can escape a bad tee shot, let it be, instead of putting OB here and there. That’s why Rahman Putra is better, because they removed the OB stakes on the par 4 16th to let the golfers play on. They grew some brains. Now, KGPA, please remove those OB stakes, your ridiculous course is already tough enough!!

I expected KGPA to be hard, and it was. We struggled, with the normal peppering of good drives, horrendous slices, great recoveries, crappy duff shots. Two incidents to note:

1) Pured a 3 wood second shot on the very tough par 5 12th. It landed near another group of golfers who had wandered into our fairway. As I was driving I saw two balls next to each other. Once i was there, the other golfer (a white guy–as in western, not pale white) had already hit his. He walked on without any acknowledgement. I couldn’t find my ball anywhere! When I ran after him and asked if he took my ball, he just went, “Mine’s a japanese ball…no take your ball!”

WHY DO WESTERN PEOPLE THINK THEY MUST TALK IN BROKEN ENGLISH FOR US TO UNDERSTAND? Seriously, do they think we are frigging idiots who cannot speak english and they need to put subtitles on us everytime we speak? I was ready to powerslam his bearded face into a pulp with my driver and shout, “China free from gwai-los! Long live chairman Mao! Please give back ball, you thief!”

The caddy apparently saw him picking up my ball and putting into his pocket. By then, I was offered a free drop from my mates, but due to my seething anger, proceeded to mess up the hole with a double bogey.

2) I like the Par 5 17th. 3 of us hit really good drives, which put us into a predicament: cross the lake and go for two or take the sissy way out and lay up. We opted to gun it with full testosterone. First guy’s 3 wood never stood a chance, his slice splashing into the water. My 3 wood was again hit very well (yes, I am a braggart, because I suck in everything else), and crossed….and landed into the bushes growing at the side of the lake….and rolled back in. AUGH! Gotta rehit! The third guy’s 3 wood suspiciously started on a very safe line and drew safely on dry land. We eyeballed him as he shrugged and said he was aiming at the water. Ya, right. Bull crap.

Why I Sucked

Well, putting struggled on the first nine, due to greens, primarily. Driving wasn’t that atrocious, but my irons was as painful as watching a monkey giving birth. I don’t remember hitting one shot that was pure with my irons. I kept pushing or pulling them, and obviously my game eventually disintegrated and went into survival mode.

Not So Sucked

Pretty proud of the ending though. The par at 16th was set up with a nine iron from a hilly lie after a terrible drive. Then the misadventures at 17th, but I hit my 4th shot 3 wood near to the green. One pitch and putt for a bogey. Final hole, I chunked my third, chipped my 4th about 5 feet past, and putted in to win the bet. So still win some money lar…

What to Work On

Irons. And drive a lot straighter. It could have been a lot worse if not for some lucky breaks here and there…including the proverbial golfer’s luck of watching your ball spinning into oblivion and hit a tree and come out. We say, “Ada monyet! (Got monkey!)” before descending into cackles of insane laughter, which shows how absolutely stupidly juvenile golf humour is.

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Gilanalysis 7: Rahman Putra Lakes

Handicap:20

Gross: 99

Net: 79

Verdict: Consistently bad on home course….

What Happened

The one thing about my golf is I am at least consistent…consistently bad, that is. The last round at KRPM yielded a 99, and this time around, another 99. We teed it up on the back 9 and I immediately tripled it. But unlike the usual brainless strategy of taking out the big dog and letting it rip (and consequently into the ravine, or into the water), I wanted to think like a low handicaper and wisely teed up my 7-iron on this par 5. Second shot, I chunked my stupid hybrid (I hate hybrids…..), then yanked my pitching wedge (I hate wedges…) into the slope on the right, my fourth hit a tree, my fifth hit a tree and trickled to the front. Six on, two putt. So much for thinking like a low handicaper and playing like a hobbit on crack. After that, it was just a series of misadventures, due to my amazing drives that can bend around the great wall of China, and my absolute, completely buffoonish putting. I hate 4 3-putts in the first nine…I mean, it’s has GOTTA be the putter, ain’t it?

My back nine gave me a birdie on the first, but yet again, I died on the stupid Par-3 2nd. After some bogeys, began my descent into darkness, +9 over 4 holes. Amazingly, at least I can still say I played double digit only.

Why I Sucked

Greens were slightly slow, but that’s no excuse to an extremely sorry day of putting. Although I putted much better coming in, the 20 putts on the front nine was suicide. And what the heck happened to my drive and irons??? Just when I thought I figured it out, my irons had to turn into Jack the Ripper and murder me on almost every shot!

Actually, this portion of the analysis is quite useless, because about 99% of the time, I don’t know WHY I suck. If I knew, I’d be improving, don’t you think? I mean, it’s like having a guy that plays with you and comment on your swing as if he knows what the heck is wrong with it. He doesn’t. The only one who knows why I suck is God. And I think God probably has more important things to work on than to bother correcting my stupid swing. When we go to heaven, we’ll probably figure out why we suck so much. If there’s golf up there.

Not So Sucked

Not many things went right. Maybe my temperamant. I was pretty calm amidst the catastrophe surrounding me today. I am trying to learn how to zen out and not cause too much damage to my clubs by tomahawking them into the ground…oh yeah, bad for the course too…

What to Work On

I think back to the range (as if that will happen!!), and try to hit my drives and my irons properly. My drive now is improving, really, despite all indications showing otherwise…at least now my misses are slices. I know it sounds like I don’t know what I’m talking about…but try figuring out how to play with duck hooks, and you’ll take balloon slices anytime. Trust me, I am a hooker convert.

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Gilanalysis 6: Bangi – 2nd and 3rd

Handicap:20

Gross: 93

Net: 73

Verdict: Driving was up and down like the share market!

What Happened

This was an unexpected game, because we were due to play in Danau, using one of the free vouchers that I had. we arrived at 8 sharp and smack into a wall of Koreans. I mean, literally, it was as if I was magically transported to Seoul. After wading through this sea of foreign fellas, we hit right into a long line at the registration counter. Danau has only ONE person manning the entire registration process. ONE. After about 15-20 minutes of waiting, this ONE person finally walked out, leaving a bunch of us bewildered on what the &*$* was happening. She came back to say, “Sorry, no more buggy.”

OK. This is total crap. It’s like waiting the whole day to do your darn IC and at 4 sharp, with only one more person in front of you, they say, “Come back again tomorrow.” WHAT?!! Is this a government golf course? Oh wait, it’s a university. Same service. Well done, Malaysia, on setting up universities that are mirroring exactly what a life of service hell will be like for us low life scums called the rakyat. Behold and worship the Koreans!

So, we headed to Bangi down the road and amazingly, parked, changed, registered, zipped into an empty course in 5 minutes. Beautiful Bangi. Aaah.

Ok, enough of yammering. We played 2nd and 3rd since the first (our favourite with all the reachable par 5s) was closed. I promptly started with a par, then duffed my chip on the 2nd to a double. I drove really solid after that enroute to 5 straight bogeys, including 2 three-putts that could have been pars. The greens in Bangi= SOLID. Very very fast, very very nice to putt. They also beautified the drivable Hole 4, now the pond has a nice embankment. The greens weren’t so good on the 3rd nine (that’s why, never play on the 3rd), but aside from my slice, I managed to play respectable, even on a mickey mouse course like Bangi.

Nothing special happened, except for a guy on my flight slamming in a 50 foot putt on the index 2 6th. And he’s like handicap 24. So his net score was actually a 1.

Why I Sucked

Drive, drive, drive. It’s like a love hate story. One hole I absolutely adore my new S9-1, the next, I want to snap the shaft and burn it as a sacrifice to the Koreans. Hole 8, sliced into water on the right. Hole 11, snapped hooked into the jungle on the left. I just managed to 5-on and two putted. Then hole 15, sliced into oblivion. Hole 16, also sliced into oblivion, but somehow, hit a lone tree and snapped back out again to the fairway. Par. Now I don’t know whether my missed shot is a snap hook or a banana slice. Great.

Not So Sucked

Putting returned after the horrendous outing at Perangsang. I still 3 putted a few, but due to the large undulating and lightning fast greens, I have no complaints. My drives (when connected) were generally VERY encouraging, it had a slight fade ball flight and was easier to control than my tremendous hook.

What to Work On

Drive. Need to make that fade a lot more consistent. Aside from that, my irons also suffered for unknown reasons. Chunked a lot of easy shots. If you can’t break 90 in Bangi, you can only hope you still have your pants on when you play Seri Selangor. I know it makes no sense. It just sounds pretty foreboding.

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Gilanalysis 5: Perangsang

Handicap:20

Gross: 98

Net: 78

Verdict: The Putter refused to go to work today, and the new shaft=new problems.

What Happened

You know, sometimes when you take someone for granted so much, you never think twice of what it would be like without that person? It’s like your Personal Assistant, or your secretary, or the tea lady that comes every 4 pm with good coffee. One day, this person doesn’t show up and the entire office goes into chaos. One of my most dependable (and by dependable, it means, it doesn’t shank my darn ball into oblivion at various, unpredictable moments) clubs in my overweight bag is my Odyssey DFX blade. I can putt unconscious with that. Guess what. DFX didn’t show up to the office today and  ended with 3 putting on 5 holes and at least 3-4 putts missed within 3-4 feet range to save par or bogey.

Teed off back nine. Missed a 4 feet for bogey. Ouch. 11th, missed a 3 feet for par. ARG! 12th, I regulation on, 3 putt. Then brain farted on 13th, where my supposedly lay up found the ravine. Double. I snapped hooked my drive on 14th but recovered to land it on the fringe, good chip but proceeded to miss my 3 feet par!! So on and on it went, it was either 3 putts or missed 3 feets. I capitulated on the 16th, snap hooking two drives OB.

My normal game came back on the front nine but destroyed myself again on the index 1 7th, the hardest, darnest hole we’ve ever played. My friend hit 3 balls in the water and 2 OB before we stopped him from absolutely going ballistics. (and back flight catching up to us).

Why I Sucked

Putts suck. Simple. And drive. I snapped my driver shaft a few days back and had a fujikura E150 Fiton Regular replace my Aldilla DVS Cobra stock. I thought I would play better but 4 pull hooks later, I was using back my old, cheap first gen Hibore for the back nine. Maybe I need time, because they guy that sold me said the Fujikura E150 was an excellent shaft, and through my years of experience, I have absolute and complete trust in salesmen, especially ones with shifty eyes that refuses to look you in the eye, that they will focus on giving what’s best for me, and not what gives them the best margin, best accelerators, best quota and god knows what else sales people talk about. Yep, momma says to trust salesmen with your life savings and I always have.

Not So Sucked

Hard to find any positives this time around. Maybe my irons. I seem to have sorted my 100-120 meters, to a point I would ask the caddy how far to hit on my second shot on par 5s, to the 100 meter marker, instead of the green. Some arithmetic is good for the brains, caddy.

What to Work On

I don’t know how to work on Putts, except for my RM60 putting green I’ve put in the office. For my drive, it must be the new shaft, and I really need to bring it to the range to get re-acquainted with her…or else, it’s back to ugly HiBore again.

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Gilanalysis 4: Kinrara

Handicap:20

Gross: 92

Net: 72

Verdict: Moments of awesomeness in between bouts of severe stupidity and crappiness.

What Happened

After literally being abused by the two most devilish courses this side of the world, the constipated Seri Selangor and Rahman “Watery Grave” Putra, we thought of expending some of our severely limited talents to some courses we call “Self Esteem Courses”, meaning, they were supposed to help boost our completely devastated self worth in this game. We need some of these courses now and then to ensure that we are still alive and that this game is worth spending money on. Kinrara, with its stunted par 4s and wide fairways definitely fall into this category, so away we went, hoping (like any other time we tee up this white ball) to play the best game ever.

This game had its moment of awesomeness, none more than the first hole, when a good tee shot saw myself about 90 meters from the extremely accessible green. 3rd shot pitch with my 60 degree landed soft on the green, and then saw my friend jumping up and down like a tasmanian devil on heat, shouting: “It’s IN! It’s IN! It’s IN!” while doing an Apache Indian Rain Dance. Welcome 2011, and welcome Mr Birdie.

The par 3 5th was almost the same, where a lousy tee shot saw me 30 meters away from the green, again, a 60 degree flop (by luck more than anything) nearly dunked the hole, and a 4 feet return putt for par.

The last hole 18th: again, a bad tee shot (see where the trend is heading?) ended up in the jungle rough on the right. It was another stroke of luck (an 8 iron through a web of trees) to get the ball out into the landing area before the huge drain fronting the green. I probably hit my best shot of the day, a pitching wedge that barely cleared the bunker, landed on the front of the green and tricked to 5 feet from the hole. Ensuing par and we were done for the day.

Other parts of the game? 3 putts on 4 holes, including the ONLY GIR hole on the 16th. Bad driving, and the only positive was that the triple bogeys were avoided.

Why I Sucked

Kinrara’s greens were in a very sorry condition. Sandy, and at times, almost unputtable, it looks like management is running out of moolahs maintaining this course. Hole 7 par 5 fairways were all hacked up due to creation of drainages, that it was almost unplayable 100-120m from the green.

But the blame of a crap game falls on the annoying shoulders of my driving. It was lamentable, and other aspects might be improving, but without any good drive, even a ‘self esteem’ course like Kinrara will eat you up and spit you out of its colon.

Not So Sucked

Irons are getting a lot better, especially 8 iron in, and no longer feels as if I am swinging an anaconda everytime. My pitching improved slightly but I’d attribute that to dumb luck, because there were embarrassing moments of duffing and topping as well. Also, my scrambling and recovery seems to have improved somewhat as well.

What to Work On

Driving, definitely. It looks like I jinxed myself a few games back when I bragged about hitting 9/14 fairways. I might hit 6/14 here, but a grand total of 0 on the back nine is an indication of a swing still in its original crap mode.

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Gilanalysis 3: Rahman Putra Lakes

Handicap:20

Gross: 99

Net: 79

Verdict: I seem to be getting worse the more I play…

What Happened

It’s a strange phenomenon of this game where the more you play it, it more steps back you take. Golf is as such: The euphoria of having the next 4 hours of freedom on the course; the optimism that today, this game will definitely be the BEST GAME EVER; the mental exercise of going through hole by hole in your mind the day before and how you plan to score below 90, or below 80, whichever that you know your skill can shoot; the tension on the first tee; the dismay of seeing your ball plop into water, or hooked into oblivion; the joy of dunking down your birdie putt; the anguish of losing money because you played like a piece of guano in your last 3 holes….the whole range of emotions is there. Such is golf.

Anyway, I was pumped up to shoot better than my previous score of 93, and I have figured out a lot of iron and short game, so away I went. I promptly hooked the first ball, double bogey. The second hole par 3 once again murdered me as I deposited my ball into water. In fact I was +9 over 4 holes, and the optimism was all over by then, and I was yet again in survival mode. I managed to right the boat a little with 4 straight bogeys before ending with a double, and a massive 51. Forget about breaking 90. I needed to stay double digits!

Back nine, I started promisingly. My first tee shot sliced into the water, my third shot 3 wood was hit FLUSHED to about 100 meters, where I deposited my pitch to 5 feet and putted for par. Likewise, the next hole, I almost holed the chip and putted 4-5 feet for par. The par 3 12, I topped my five iron and it zinged into the little mound fronting the green, and softly landed about 8 feet from the hole.

From there on, my luck ran out, and basically went back into my sucky golf.

Why I Sucked

Rahman was in a so-so condition. In fact, the greens were quite bad, considering Rahman’s reputation of maintaining good greens. But it was basically problem after problem with my drive. I was hitting my irons and 3 wood very well, so that saved me, but seriously, what the heck is wrong with me? It’s as if my clubs are taking turns to take leave, and I don’t know who the heck will be showing up on any given day!

Not So Sucked

Irons continue to improve, and I have decided to not use my 60 degree unless absolutely forced to, and chip and pitch with my 48 degree. It works a bit, several times I managed to almost save par, but for my retarded putting in the back 9. So I’m hopefully slowly improving….

What to Work On

For some forsaken reason, my driver has decided to go nuts on me again, after playing so well with it. I’m toeing it again and struggling massively to find the fairway..considering 9 from my previous game, to 5 this round!