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Rahman Putra or Tiger?

Well, we all know Tiger Woods is coming to Malaysia.

And we all know that Gilagolf is a rabid fan of Tiger. Because, again, he is the only reason why golf exist in ESPN highlights. I’m not going to go into another long harangue on why Tiger is bigger than the game, but here it is, he is coming to Malaysia, to Mines for the CIMB classic at the end of this month.

Obviously, I was prepared to go.

However.

For those gilagolfers in the know, we’ve seen our share of land grabbing of recent times. The golf courses in Malaysia are no longer invincible to development, and of recent years, we’ve seen courses like Kajang Hill, KGSAAS, IOI Palm Garden, Venice Hills and some others fade away into the oblivion of property development.

Recently, my other club, KGNS also got hit with some foul play of government getting back the land. Sorry, my legal capabilities is next to a chipmunk so I have no freaking clue how it happened.

Now, of course, Rahman Putra, of which I’ve been a member for years, is faced with a critical crisis. Some sections of people have made a move to look to sell the club out to some property developer. They are looking to buy over our membership and build condominiums over our beloved, hallowed course that we’ve dug up for years.

How much are they paying? Not enough. According to our quack calculations, we’re looking at 279 acres, which is 279×43560 = 12, 153, 240 square feet. Our quack calculator states that that area itself should go for at least RM60, so that means 729M, divided by 4500 members, it’s roughly 160K per person. Now even if it goes for RM40 – 50, we should be seeing a whole lot more than what they are offering us now. And that too will be a big IF, if guys like me want to sell. I love the club actually, it’s heck of a convenient and it has a big swimming pool for my 10 future kids. Plus it’s not like I have a big need for money. I actually do, but I’m trying to sound macho. OK, if you give me an offer I cant refuse, Don Corleone, I might be bought over.

The problem here is that there will be a vote for resolution in the EGM. They require 3/5 of the people present to vote to pass. These guys who want to sell already have quite a large contingent, I hear. Why would they want to sell? I don’t know. Maybe they are too old to play golf and want to cash out? Who knows? All I know is that the current price isn’t what I’d want to sell Rahman for. Would I sell out the club in the future? Hey let’s be frank, if someone dropped 500K for you to sell a golf club membership….come on. Seriously.

So when is this EGM? Now, you guessed it. Sunday, on the final day of CIMB classic, the day when we all expect Tiger to be the last flight. Oh great. Don’t think it’s a coincidence. I am sure they knew this, in order to get fewer fence sitters like myself so they can vote to go for the sale. But what can be done? Go for Tiger or secure the future of Rahman Putra?

Such tough tough decisions we have to make in life.

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Gilagolf is out for a few months

Well, not the blog, but rather the player.

Reinjured my wrist today trying to hack away at a ball in KGPA. To begin with, my wrist had never been doing well since one half month ago. It’s the left wrist, so I needed to strap it really tight and hence no wrist cock. I’ve been seeing a lot of pulls, because (I think) I’m dropping my club too early in the swing and it just goes round and my right hand turns over then. At least, that’s my assumption.

So I’ve been playing a lot of compensating golf: Aim right, hook it back. Problem is about 30% of the time I flush it straight and it goes into OB or somewhere in the woods where I need to hack again, and thus re-stressing my already stressed wrist. Now I know how Duval feels playing like a hack knowing you can play a much better game.

Anyway, the doc says it’s an overstressed tendon issue on the wrist, so it’s swollen up and I can’t turn it without feeling pain, and I went to the sensei at Seapark (Oriental something, pretty good), who massaged, put in a herbal wrap on it and advised me to knock off golf for at least 2 months.

What happened? Possible a mixture of a bad swing and a bad way in carrying my kid. Kid is more than 7 kg now and I must have twisted something when I carried him wrongly one of those times, trying to manuever his squirming body into the blasted car seat.

So, no golf till December at least, but I’ll keep updating the blog on anything to do with Tiger and stuff.

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Tiger, Why You No Win at Ryder Cup?

Y U No - Tiger Woods Y U NO enter putt at ryder cup?

I watched the game.

The last putt. The final putt that everyone on earth knew Tiger would hit, do a fist pump and halve the match between him and Lee Westwood/Nicolas Colsaerts.

He apparently partnered a guy called Steve Stricker, who played like he had hernia throughout the game. Stricker was absolutely, foul-mouthedly horrendously shite. In fact, at one point, I saw Jim Furyk turned a disdaining look at this old fart as if to say: “Tiger dumped me for you? You play worse than a crippled, herniated chimp.”

So Tiger was actually being gangbanged by two guys. I mean on the golf course of course. Stricker was just there for the show, and if USA had their way, this would be the absolutely last time Steve Stricker had anything to do with the Ryder Cup. Forever. He SUCKS.

Anyway, Tiger had that last putt, a right to left about 8 – 10 feet. The bet was that when there was something on the line, he always delivered. 16th hole, the down hill 15 footer. 17th hole, the tee shot sticking to the pin, when the crippled herniated chimp had dumped his into the water.

He putted, the ball tracked and treacherously for unknown reasons, steered too far left, molested the side of the cup and stayed out, to the groans of 40,000 people in the gallery. Tiger failed.

Much like his retarded 4 footer putt that didnt even touch the hole on the 15th, Tiger has been very….crap lately with his Nike endorsed putter. And playing with a guy like Coesarts didn’t help. This Belgian was seriously like Terminator. He ended with eight birdies and an eagle, with long putts all over the green. It came to a point when as long as he was on the green, no matter if he was putting from across the country, he would dunk it in. 8 birdies. And if his first hole putt that molested the cup, or another putt that did a 360 before rimming out had gone in it would be: 10 birds and 1 Eagle. A -12.

As it is, the Europeans put their first win on the board for the afternoon and instead of being down 6 -2 , they are 5 – 3, and Tiger has been benched by that idiot Davis Love for the morning shootout on Saturday. Yo, Davis Love, nobody bench Tiger. You should just euthanise Stricker and move on.

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The Three Old Stooges

Now, I’m sure the golf world has been abuzz recently with the recent comments on Tiger Woods. As some of you know, Gilagolf is a rabid supporter of Tiger. Not because he’s a great player and all. It’s because without Tiger, watching golf SUCKS. Seriously. It’s blardy boring. Awful. Of course, thousands of articles have dissected what these 3 flers have to say about Tiger:

1. Greg Norman: “Tiger is scared of Rory.”

2. Nick Faldo: “Tiger has lost his aura.”

3. Johnny Miller: “I can train Tiger.”

The first 1 is actually a joke I think. I mean, it’s Greg Norman. He has been senile since he lost that six stroke lead in the 96 masters, shooting 78. Not many people know, he was then admitted to a mental asylum at Arkham and his publicity had a double dress up as Greg and has been impersonating the golfer since. Greg, oh Greg, you have been voted as ESPN’s greatest choke artist OF ALL TIME. You would be intimidated by a pigeon. Being roasted on a stick and half eaten. Of course, you have the right to see if someone is intimidated, you would know, right? There, there Greg, you can go back to your cell at the asylum, where no pigeons will coo at you. Thank you for one of the most hilarious, though sadly expectedly insane, statement of all time.

Nick Faldo, who actually is Harrison Ford’s twin brother is pretty bitter, because he used to bang all the girls that Tiger banged, and now likely Rory is banging. Pornstars seem to flock to golf world no 1. So Nick has beef against Tiger, for not sharing the pornstars with him. I mean, he’s a serial divorcee. And he looks like he has bathed in orange juice, with his pruny face! Anyways, has Tiger lost his aura? Don’t think so. Check out the crowds following him even now. He’s a million times bigger than Rory, and that piece of wood, Donald Sutherland. I mean Luke Donald. i can’t even get that joker’s name right!

Johnny Miller. I admit. I had to google this guy. Goodness. He’s a guy who won 2 majors. 2. To train a dude who has won seven times more. If greg was senile, Johnny Miller is taking cocaine. Honestly believe it. This can be the only explanation what possessed him to say things like that. They are just competing on coming up with the most purile, offensively stupid statements just to get attention to themselves, since the only ones who care about their opinion are their pet iguanas. I can’t even comment on this guy, because it’s like me telling Fernando Alonso that I can teach him how to drive an F1 car. This is really the craziest statement ever made by a guy who probably has had lobotomy done, and now operating entirely on animal instinct.

Here’s the story, you stooges.

The dashed line above is when Tiger Woods came into the tour. Before that, Golf was a sterile game played by white hair dudes who call themselves fearless names like “Shark”, but looks more like a carribean tabby cat. I mean, come on. Golf = SHARK? Which part of this person look like a shark? Anyways, there has been an exponential increase since Tiger came along, translating to this simple fact:

Without Tiger, Golf is extinct as far as endorsements are concern. without him, Rory will be working at a deli. Luke Donald would be a pimp, and VJ would still be playing with monkeys in Borneo. That’s why I think he deserves more respect, because he has singlehandedly brought Golf to where it is now. Fist pump, ESPN highlights and stuff.

The three old stooges are obviously pissed because they missed the boat. They were earning about USD5000 for each win. Now, punks earn 500,000 for the win. Greg Norman took like 30 years to get to 10 million in earnings. Tiger took 4 years. He has busted past 100 million this year. Greg is just beyond pissed that he now has to take up a job as a golf course designer and decorator of children’s playland to pay the bills. Same goes for Nick Faldo. Johnny Miller only earned a total of USD15 bucks in his career, which afforded him to buy a pair of walking shoes to walk to and from tournaments during the 1880s and the civil war period. Johnny Miller is about 140 years now, and usually kept in a cryogenic tank when he’s not out commenting on people’s game. So sad.

Anyways, enough of wisecracking over these 3 poor flers. On with the show, Tiger leading. DON’T BLOW IT TIGER!

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PGA TOUR is STUPID

Yes.

PGA Tour is stupid.

After missing opportunities to pair up a possible Vijay, Tiger and Rory in the 3rd round for the BMW championship, they again mess up the fourth round pairing. Here’s the leader board:

And here is the tee time tonight for the final round:

I mean, seriously, it does not take a genius to figure out the delicious storylines in store here, and as golfers, storylines are what rivalries are made of. Because golf is so blardy boring to watch, in effect, just a couple of old men swinging a club, or in some rare instances swinging their other equipments at multiple pornstars; any storyline is a good storyline.

VJ and Phil.

Vijay is one of my favourite players. He has a “I don’t give an F who you are because I was brought up in the jungles in borneo hitting golf balls at orang utans in the sunset” attitude. He doesn’t care. It’s very likable. If he had a facebook page, I’d “like” it a million times if it’s possible. It’s not. So once is enough. Anyway, Vijay hates Phil because Phil is fat, walks around Augusta greens and his spike marks spoils the green. Vijay doesn’t give fart if Phil was Mr Popular, he went at him like a lion in the dressing room and they had to be separated by 5 players, Phil’s eyes were blue black, Vijay’s knuckles bleeding and the aforementioned offending shoe spike stuck in Phil’s back for a few hours. Vijay will stare down Phil today and win the head to head.

Rory and Lee Westwood

Between the two, I don’t know who I dislike more. But whatever it is, they dislike each other more. We don’t know, and can’t trace back to the exact moment, but it was likely that night in the pub when Rory came in with his first major trophy, the US Open, and asked all the Irish men to fill it with Guinness. Lee, who was there took offense that he didn’t ask to mix the English beer in as well and wasn’t invited to the table, which was for “Irish, major winners only, including Grahme and Padraig”. Since then, Lee Westwood has given Rory the eyeball. But instead of WWII like Vijay and Phil, it was more like a cold war between them, so it will be interesting to see how Rory kick Lee Westwood’s butt tonight.

So they got these two right. Now you got 3 guys at -14 and a certain Mr Woods at -13, so one of the -14 guys will be with Mr Woods right?

WHO ELSE??

Adam Scott!!! So we can see Steve Williams and his old employer. If Vijay and Phil is WWII, Steve and Tiger is at thermonuclear, intergalactic warfare. It would have drawn THE largest crowd of the entire decade.

Instead, they give us this: Adam Scott and this clown called Garrigus and Tiger and his old friend Dustin. Jeez.

We all know that Tiger doesn’t motivate himself anymore. He needs external motivation. Played like a hero when Rory was battling him. Played like a pondan when  he had nobody to drive him today. And now, with a friendly party like Dustin Hoffman, I mean, Johnson, Tiger has 0 chance to win. He’s going to fade, play like a nutball and end up like 15th or 20th or something.

Stupid PGA Tour people.

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Introducing the Tiger Killer

Phil Mickleson was right.

A long time ago when he was still relevant to the game of golf, he said this of Tiger:

“Tiger you could be a sh*t lot better than what you are now, if only you stop using those inferior equipment of yours.” Pause. “I mean your golf clubs. Not your other anatomical equipment of course.”

Or something like that. It was a long time ago. Phil was still thin.

After watching him miss a 2 footer sitter than even a hack like me can probably can it 10 out of 10 times, I’ve decided that Tiger is killed by Nike.

Here’s the Tiger Killer:

Nice, eh?

It’s actually a great disguise for what the crappiest piece of junk ever found in sport. In fact, it was voted as the worst putter in history, after this fine piece of equipment:

Actually the hot dog putter is a really good one. Especially if you feel hungry also.

As long as Tiger refuses to dump the junk equipment he’s using, he has very little chance of winning any majors again.

Thanks Nike, for mass producing the crappiest golf equipment in history and killing Tiger Woods in the process.

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Tiger Show

Tiger Woods

When the world caved in and gave up on the only good, black golfer out there, Gilagolf stuck to him. When sunny weather fans like the god awful Accenture threw him on the wayside, and Tag Heuer crapped him, and Gillette and Gatorade shunned him like a leper and ironically AT&T threw him under the bus…Gilagolf stuck by him. Too bad the Gilagolf brand is worth slightly more than a discarded banana peel, but hey, at least we’re loyal, right.

Every post written has been how Tiger is going to come back and make these fair weather friends regret the day they rejected him. How he’s going to take back the number one spot from musical chairs clowns like Lee “Fatty” Westwood, Luke “Help me I can’t win a major” Donald, Rory “Help me I can’t make a cut” McIlroy and Martin “Help me I can’t hit a blardy Draw” Kaymer. I mean, it’s ridiculous. How can anyone in their right mind every write off a guy who has won more than anyone in this world?

Or even better here’s the statistics for the idiots who dropped Tiger:

Current Top 9 players in the world (minus Tiger) TOTAL WINS – 97

Tiger Woods Total Wins – 101

Tiger Woods have amassed more victories as a single person than Luke, Rory, Lee, Matt Kuchar, Webb Simpson, Bubba, Jason Dufner, Justin Rose and Hunter Mahan COMBINED. Are we on crazy pills?

Winning AT&T is just another step to getting back number 1 and stopping all these sorry excuse of golfers from playing pretend. Next up, winning back a major and getting back as the alpha dog.

This time, hopefully he stays away from the pornstars, and convert properly from Bootyism to Budhism.

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Gilagolf has turned Giladad

Gilagolf post is becoming fewer and far between, as golf activity has trickled to almost non-existent of late. On the 17th of June, I welcomed my first born into the world. And so began my string of sleepless night and going into morning meetings looking like I just got hit by a truck. Full of dung.

The first question that comes to mind is: How the heck can something so small cry so much? The second is: How the heck can something so small have so much shit? I mean, we’re talking about godzilla proportions here. He just drinks and drinks and craps and craps.

Anyway, just to let the Gilagolfers know that I’ll still be updating this occasionally, especially during the major tournaments, (how about Tiger choking like a dog?) and Tiger Woods and if I play again.

Otherwise, head over to http://giladad.com, it’s a sister blog dedicated to my rookie learnings of being a dad. It’s very much like golf, where I have absolutely no control usually, but when you get it, you get it.

Happy Hackin!

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You gotta love Sergio

I am really beginning to like Sergio Garcia.

When he started out, he was this cocky punk that thought the world owed him everything and that he would just go out and get it. He was a punk. And not a very nice punk. I remember wishing that he would mess up his putt to win the British Open at Carnoustie in 2007 – or was it 2008? The one that Padraig won. And he missed it badly and ended up losing out to Padraig.

But you know, over the years he has mellowed and now I am beginning to be his fan, because he is SUCH. A. HACKER.

I recall reading his classic interview after this year’s Augusta:

‘I’m not good enough, I don’t have the thing I need to have,’ said Garcia, in an extraordinary post-round interview with the Spanish press.

When the stunned group asked whether he meant winning the Masters, he replied: ‘Any major. In 13 years I have come to the conclusion that I need to play for second or third place.’

In the complex psychological world of top-class professional golf, did he mean if he stopped thinking about winning, it might actually happen?

Two eyewitnesses didn’t get that impression.

At one point, Garcia implored them: ‘Tell me something I can do. I had my chances and opportunities and I wasted them. I have no more options. I wasted my options.’

Classic. I love this guy now.

It’s like how Bubba just went on rambling after the first round at the Olympic:

Q. Is it a good golf course for the championship?

BUBBA WATSON: Yeah, just not good for me. It’s a lot better than I am. That golf course is too tough for me. But we got another day to try to fit and but there’s you’re always going to have guys that shoot low. Tiger Woods is always going to shoot low. Other guys will play good and Tiger going to play good.

This is a dude that won at Augusta. “Too tough for me”?

Is this what the new generation golfers are? Bunch of pansies that get beaten up by “a course”? WTF? Have you ever heard Tiger say anything like that? He’d rather eat dog shit than to admit the course is better than him. He wrote and told it to me himself when I emailed him a while ago:

Q. Tiger, with your swing resembling Jim Furyk on epilepsy, do you think you can now say, you can’t really play any course on the PGA tour now?

Tiger: I’d rather eat dog shit.

OK, leaving you with our favourite hacker son, El Matador, Sergio Garcia, and his hammer of justice on the microphone (what did the mic do???!)

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Will You Gamble on Tiger?

Ok, so we’re approaching the 112th US OPEN at the Olympic Club next week. A few short ones:

1) Tiger is back. Or is he? He’s been like the magic man, disappearing here and there, playing like a 20 handicapper, then from no where wins Arnie and Jack’s. Remember when he won Arnie’s and we said he would be in contention in Augusta. Nope, he played like a twit. It seems this new Tiger can’t really handle success as well as the old Tiger. Unless he wins a few in a row, my gamble is off him. It’d be safer to head over to Party Casino and try my luck there. We might have better odds, because trying to predict Tiger these days is like predicting how many times Lindsay Lohan is going to go to jail.

2) David Duval. Man, I miss him a lot. He just missed the qualifiers to the 2012 US Open. There doesn’t seem to be any way back for the man with the shades anymore, and I can only hope his career slides so much that he has to start playing at our local golf tournaments in KGNS so at least I can chill and take a photo with him. Man, I remember him in his glory days, gracing sports illustrated and looking like Perseus. Go DD!

3) Phil Mickleson is pissed. He texted the PGA commissioner to complain that too many people are using handphones on the course. Am I the only one who sees the irony here? Phil, come on, it’s just handphones. Dudes like Michael Jordan and Kobe has play basketball with this in their face:

As a sportsman, you should be trained to block off distractions, so stop being a crybaby Phil.

4) Young Guns: will we again be seeing musical chairs at world number 1? Rory is kinda crap right now, and Donald might be in a good spot to finally win his major and get his monkey off his back. What about Lee Westwood? Does Fats have it in him to break the duck?

So who will you be gambling on for next week’s US Open?