Category: Gilalogy

For those of you who know me…and amazingly, I’ve actually seen a number of you guys, thanks to me selling you my golf clubs…I’ve taken a long leave of absence from this depraved game eversince my first kid popped into this world more than 2 months ago. That’s right, I haven’t smelled a green or fairway in over 70 days. Although that might come as a negligent fact to many non-golfers in this world, to golfers, it’s like a smoker not smoking for 70 days, or a shopaholic not shopping for 70 days. Same thing. Golfers understand.

I was talking to the husband of my wife’s friend, who came back from Singapore for the Raya celebration, and who just had a newborn as well, and he looked amazed that I never touched the golf club for 2 plus months. According to his wife, he was actually golfing almost 6 days a week when the newborn was introduced into the world. In fact, he was golfing when she went into contractions! Of course, he rushed back from his game in Bangkok, but after chit chatting for a while, and getting bored of our wives’ kids talk, I introduced him to my stash of golf clubs and we spent the next half hour going through every club in the bag, from drivers to the old Ping Eye 2 set, to the old school putters I had. We were so into it, finally our wives had to drag both of us away from each other, and we promised each other to meet up end of the year to have a few rounds in Singapore or Batam.

It’s amazing, that when golfers come together, it is truly 1Malaysia. He and I never really had too much in common…I mean, guys never really had much to talk about. We didn’t want to go too much into politics, he probably thought I was an Opposition fanatic, I think he’s probably BN, we are most probably wrong about each other etc. But when we talk about golf, didn’t matter we were one China man and the other Malay, we just talked.

Same thing today, when I met a client, who was Indian, and instead of going through the IT audit plan, we talked 45 minutes about our golfing adventures, until my audit team was wondering what the heck was I doing.

For some strange reason, golf draws two human beings closer together than any other games can. Or any 1Malaysia propaganda, or B-Grade Merdeka theme songs, or a Merdeka logo that looks slightly worse than a baboon’s shit…maybe because as golfers, we are all fellow sufferers, fellow hackers, fellow strugglers and fellow soldiers in the game, and as the great Victor Hugo once said:

“Great perils have this beauty, that they bring to light the fraternity of strangers.”

Amen to that.

Here’s the official one.

Adam Scott wins the 2012 British Open.

He has about six holes left, but I’ll just put it down as he has won it. In fact, they should just give it to him right now and save us the trouble. The entire bunch of PGA professionals who earn millions a year have suddenly started to hack around like some pathetic Gilagolfers.

Tiger? He did an absolutely stupid shot on the sixth where he hit into the wall of bunker en route to a triple bogey. That would have been ok, if not he just slammed in 3 bogeys as well, and all of them absolutely stupid putting. Can someone tell him to just get rid of the god awful Nike putter he is using?? He TRULY SUCK at Nike Putter! Go back to your scotty cameron!!! Anyway, he’s gone, as he bogeys 14th to fall back to -3. Six back, too much to play, another pathetic final round showing of a guy who used to own the final rounds of major. Blasted Nike equipment messing up Tiger Woods.

Snedeker? He’s been out of it since Saturday. I don’t even know why he’s playing golf.

Graeme McDowell? The way he swings reminds me of a friend of mine, who plays to a 24 handicap. They have similar swings. And Graeme is an absolutely horrendous player. His only major was due to that equally stupid Dustin Johnson messing up.

Great. As I write this, Adam Scott just birdied 14th. He has to be AN ABSOLUTE USELESS PIECE OF CRAP if he loses this Open. It’s not that I don’t like Adam Scott. I just don’t like his racist caddy, Steve Williams, who should have been shot and hung. Adam Scott doesn’t look like anyone who likes to pick a fight, so I guess he just swept it under the carpet. I can’t believe that idiot Steve Williams can get away with calling someone Black Asshole when John Terry or Luis Suarez has to get punished for the same sort of remark.

Anyway, Ernie just bogeyed. Tiger just bogeyed.

Everyone just absolutely sucked. Such a lousy final round of the Open. I’m done ranting.

Well done, Adam Scott. Don’t celebrate too much by letting your racist caddy’s big mouth run again!

Well it’s down to 18 more holes and surprise, Tiger is up to fourth position. I thought for sure when he messed up the two par 5s on Friday, especially the second one, that he would spiral down into crap land that he has always done before. But birdie 16th and hole out birdie from sand on 18th? Classic Tiger.

Today? You have no idea, but about 13 billion people plus from the alien planet that Tiger comes from were hoping against hope that the final putt on the 18th green, a relatively easy 15 footer, left to right uphill would go in. If it did, he would be -7 and in all probability, book a final slot with Adam Scott. It’s not so much with Adam Scott, who has a personality of a wombat, but a matchup against his fiery caddy, a Steve Williams who famously called his ex-employer who gave him more than 10 million USD during their time together, a black asshole.

As it is, Mr Woods purposely missed it, and we lost a cracking shot at possibly the greatest final round ever in a major.

Anyway, aside from that, which is listed number 1 disappointment in the Open this year, here is the second largest disappointment of this year:

Moe, Larry and Curly, or more accurately, the world number 1 -3.

Moe, Larry and Curly represents the 3 clowns that are currently above Tiger Woods in the world ranking. Here’s they are:

These 3 jokers are a constant embarassment to the game. They truly suck, yet annoyingly, they are playing placeholders for world number 1 ranking. We’ve never seen such weak world number 1 -3 in the entire history of the sport, eversince they disallowed chimps to compete in the open back in 1741.

Luke Donald is officially the worst world number 1 ever. Ever. Yet again he proves he will NEVER win a major, and they should actually just tranquilise him now in every major he will play from here on. Despite yakking about his ability and his promise, the fact remains is this: He suck as a world number 1. He has no personality and he looks like Luke Skywalker…and like Luke Skywalker, who plays second fiddle to Han Solo, Luke Donald will never be able to match up to golf’s black Han Solo, who is now world number 4. He is Tied 14. 10 STROKES back.

Rory? After today’s astounding 73, he says he lost faith in his swing. He’s probably swinging better with his tennis girlfriend. Everyone’s saying his 19th holes are costing him his game, and they might be right. Too many nights with that girl, Carol Wozniakiskoncheskykanchelkiskovicaabdulmaniamchong. Whatever her name is. Rory is gone. He’s gone the way of Sergio. He’s tied 54. 15 strokes away. He will play well tomorrow. He always plays well when there’s no pressure.

Lee Westwood? Less said about fatty the better. He is also tied 54, 15 strokes away.

The reason why I am so pissed is this: Golf needs winners and champions. You put these 3 yiddling europeans up there, and you get a sterile piece of crap heaped on top of this game. They are astoundingly wicked and cruel to the game of golf, simply because they not only suck, but they have absolutely no drive or personality. Remember when we had the big 4? Tiger, Phil, Ernie and Vijay. Remember when Vijay would smack down Tiger, Tiger would smack Phil and Ernie would be like Federer, always being neutral, but internally hates Tiger because he gets all the porn stars? Albeit old porn stars that look like prunes? Remember?

Golf needs what tennis has. A top 3 that can win majors. A top 3 that’s always up there, whacking and smacking each other in the head. A top 3 that can contend. That’s why we love Tennis now, because Fed, Rafa and Djokovic can really belt in, and their personalities are so interesting, and so conflicting against each other.

Damn, I miss Vijay and his smack talk. VEEJ, get back to form, man!!

Once upon a time, two fellow sports giant ruled their sport. One with clubs and the other with racquets. They conquered their foes one by one enroute to winning majors after majors, each setting their own records in their respective sport, each dazzling their opponents and became known as the Destroyers of Hope. They literally destroyed hope in their fellow competitors.

Then, a strange thing happened.

One of the giants fell, pounded in the face by his wife, revealed to be not a god, but a true devil, sleeping with 2000 women and found in bed with another woman as his real wife was giving birth. The other giant sort of fell, due to injury and the birth of his twin daughters to a not so hot wife. In any case, both were replaced as the alpha male in their sport. The first replaced by a trio of European misfits, one sporting pubic hair on his head; the other giant replaced by a Spanish neanderthal and a Serbian communist.

This year, the year of the Dragon, these giants will rise. The first one, usually decked in red is still coming to terms with his newfound powers, and beset with inconsistency still by winning one week and missing the cut in the other, but surely rising to the top to reclaim his spot from the bunch of hopeless pretenders. The other giant, has now summit to number 1 again, and for all his sissy crying after winning Wimbledon, remains the GOAT of Tennis…the GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

Here are the side by side stats. Who is the GREATER?